Happy Days (1974) s04e07 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
.
Ow!
Ow, oh, I got a cramp!
What are you doing, Ralph?
Oh, my leg, my leg's in a knot!
Will you get your leg down, Ralph?
Oh, rub it, Rich, will you?
I'm not gonna rub your leg, it's ridiculous.
Wait till you get a cramp.
I can't handle this necking in a car.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna sketch the moonlit lake.
Look, I know you like to draw,
but do you think this is the right time?
I'm sorry, Rich, I'm not in the mood.
I mean, that's four cramps for Ralph
and two times Potsie fell out of the car.
Well, they're very quiet right now.
Oh, Alma, your skin is so smooth.
Hands off, that's me.
Smooth skin.
POTSIE: It was.
Hi, Rich.
Ow, Pots!
Oh, sorry, Ralph.
You're always sorry.
Rich, you know, your half hour is up.
Potsie, get up front.
Okay, I get the next 30 minutes.
Right. Come on, Alma, up and over.
Come on. Come on now.
Let me get the backseat alone.
No more than 30 minutes now.
We got the back seat alone.
Come on, her foot's, her foot's
in the ashtray, Rich, come on, move over.
We got the backseat. This is much better.
Okay. Better than the wet grass.
Very good.
Hey.
I'm really sorry about this.
Not as sorry as I am.
Well, look, we'll come up here
tomorrow night by ourselves, okay?
I'd rather not, Richie.
Necking's kind of childish.
If you had your own place
Would that make a difference?
Sure it would.
Well, you know, sometimes my parents go
Oh, blah, you still live with your parents?
Oh, no, no, of course not.
I've got my own place.
Go back to what you were doing!
Certainly.
You've got your own place?
Yeah, sure.
How could a high school kid afford his own apartment?
Well, it's not easy going to school
and running a mail order business.
If you have your own place, then what are we doing out here?
It's being redecorated.
Sure it is.
You can see it tomorrow if you want.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, I can't wait to see it.
Neither can I.
.
King Kong.
Uh, uh, uh-uh-uh, Tarzan!
Well, what else could it be?!
.
.
Monkeys? This is a motorcycle, Howard.
How do you get a motorcycle from that, Marion?!
This is a motorcycle!
(sighs): Oh, Howard,
playing charades isn't much fun with two people.
We're not playing, Marion, we are practicing charades,
for the championship of the Leopard Lodge!
And I do not intend finishing last
for the fourth year in a row.
And do you know why we always finish last?
No, dear. Why?
I'll tell you why.
Two words. Mm-hmm.
One, one w first word.
Uh, little, little.
Eye!
Uh, second word.
Nose, smell, stink.
I stink!
You got it!
Richard, we're playing charades.
Now, what is this? What is this?
.
That's my son.
Two of a kind.
Tell your son he's home late.
All right, that's it!
I've had it!
I'm 18 years old, and I'm still treated like a kid.
Guys my age are in the mail order business
and they have their own apartments.
Oh, just forget it!
Oh, calm down, dear.
Well, these are nice pictures.
Oh, look, there's Lake Michigan.
Look at this one, Potsie's kissing.
What's that behind Potsie's head?
Ralph's foot.
Look, everybody's having a great time.
Do you notice where I am?
Yeah, you're right there next to that rock.
Yeah, that's right, me and a rock,
not me and a girl, me and a rock.
I'm tired of being treated like a kid all the time.
Well, we think of you as a man, don't we, Howard?
Well, of course we do.
Now, you see there, dear?
Now, why don't you just go on up to bed,
and I'll come up later with some milk and cookies.
Give me a kiss right here.
That's nice, yeah.
Oh, sorry, Fonz. I forgot it's cleaning day.
I'll talk to you after school.
Cunningham, get back in here.
The cleaning crew was just leaving.
All right, girls.
You earned your kisses and your car fare.
Boy you got the life, Fonz.
Are you kidding?
Look at this dust, look at this dust.
You know, I had a girl once, Melinda,
now she really liked to clean.
I mean, she knew her lint.
I got something to ask you, and it's a favor.
But I'm gonna ask you right out, no beating around the bush,
just head-to-head, man-to-man.
Shoot.
I lied to a girl, Fonz.
I told her that I had my own apartment, and I,
I'm gonna be stuck if you don't let me use your place.
What do you say?
I say that every chick in town
knows I live here.
This girl's new in town, Fonz.
Listen to this, she's an art student.
And she used to hang out in Greenwich Village.
(chuckles)
Greenwich Village, Fonz.
She's wild about me, she thinks I got sexy cheekbones.
Well, never let it be said
that the Fonz stands in the way of sexy cheekbones.
All right, tiger, it's yours.
Want a slug?
Oh, no thanks, Fonz. This is great.
This is gonna be perfect.
See, I'm an adult now, and I'm getting tired of
six people in a car, everything's so crowded,
Ralph's foot comes sticking up in the middle,
somebody honks the horn Cunningham,
Cunningham, Cunningham, I understand.
You're an adult now, you want an adult evening.
So pick a night.
Really? Any night.
Tonight. Forget it.
I-I need my rest.
On Saturday night?
Yeah, I like to stay home
on amateur night.
Fonz, I set the date for tonight.
Yeah, but I am exhausted.
Yesterday, I fell asleep on piston rings.
Look, I don't even need a whole night, Fonz.
I'm just asking for half a night, just till 12:00, huh?
What do you say about that?
I say, why am I such a sweetheart of a guy?
Oh, thanks, Fonz.
That's all right.
Now, I bet you want me to help you
once, uh, once the girl gets in here, right?
I don't know.
I'm pretty good in a car.
(laughing)
Oh, so cute, "in a car."
This is different. Sit down.
Take this down, Cunningham.
Yeah, sure.
All right.
The Fonz will now recite
on H.W.W., How to Win Women.
Phase one.
Your basic music, a little poetry,
you share an are pit if with her.
Phase two.
Anything that she likes, you like.
Anything she hates, hate.
Well, what if she likes something that's stupid?
Richard, do you want to win a debate or win a girl?
Win a girl.
All right.
Phase three.
You drop a couple of hints that you might be willing.
Willing to what?
Phase four.
Oh.
I got to go to work, Cunningham.
Oh, uh, Fonz?
Uh, how long should it take to-to get to phase four?
Well, I'd give yourself, three to five minutes.
Wait a minute.
Hey, you-you do all this in five minutes?
Oh, no, no, the first three are for you,
I move right to phase four. Whoa!
Why don't you get some sleep?
You all right, Fonz?
Cunningham, I am not gonna make it.
These eyes will not stay open till 12:00.
Oh, sure they can, Fonz.
You're a sweetheart of a guy.
I am a beat sweetheart.
Look, I understand you want an adult evening.
Pick any other night.
I'll give you the pad, I'll give you the champagne,
I will supply the adult.
I've got the adult.
Look, Fonz, all you have to do is stay awake until 12:00!
Richard, yelling hurts my feelings.
You're right, you're right.
I got to stay calm and just think of a plan.
I got it. I got it.
I got a great idea.
JOANIE: Oh! Mind your own business.
Fonz, my parents are leaving.
You can stay in my room.
No, I don't think so.
I'm not very comfortable under a Roy Rogers blanket.
Oh, I got rid of that a long time ago.
Fonz, we couldn't ask for a better night.
My parents are going to the movies with Alfred.
Look, you can sleep in my room.
We'll switch in the morning.
I'll come in there and wake you up.
Nobody will ever know.
What about Joanie?
Joanie's easy.
(whispering)
(knocking) Joanie, don't bother us right now!
Hey, hey, hey, I think that's the front door.
What would he do without me?
Oh, come on in, Alfred.
Hi, Richie. How are you?
This is Maria.
Oh, pleasant meeting you, Maria.
She doesn't understand any English; Just smile.
She's from Salerno.
This is Fonzie.
Fonzie, this is Maria.
She doesn't speak any English; Just smile.
And this is I know, I know.
She doesn't speak any English; I was smiling.
ALFRED: Oh, don't-don't-don't,
don't touch, no, no.
That's a Leopard Lodge hat.
See? Look.
Leopard-o Lodge-o.
Leopard (growls)
Ah, ah, ah, Alfred.
Take the hat off.
You're not a Lodge member yet, you got to earn that.
Oh. You know how bad I want it.
Oh. How do you do, how do you do?
We better hurry up or we're gonna
miss the beginning of the movie.
I'm Marion. Oh, what a lovely suit.
Children, we'll be back in a minute.
Uh, I got this at Murray's Department Store.
Maybe we'll go shopping together sometime.
Marion's talking to a girl who
doesn't understand any English.
Don't worry about it.
She won't find it out for at least an hour.
Well, I'm really tired.
I think I'm just gonna go on
up to my room and go to bed.
Oh, yeah, me, too.
Man, I-I hope I make it up all those steps.
Good night, Shortcake.
I don't believe it.
I lead the most exciting life around here,
and I'm doing the dishes.
(whispers): Here's pajamas. Hey, I don't wear
My mother I will, Richie.
Right.
Richie, is that you?
Uh
(imitating Richie): Oh, golly, oh, gee.
Yeah, it's me.
Good night. Uh, don't let the bedbugs bite.
.
RICHIE (singing): I found my thrill ♪
On Blueberry Hill. ♪
Well, this is it: Pad, sweet pad.
Yeah, this is where it all happens.
Oh, Richie, this is cute.
And cozy.
You really like it?
Oh, I sure do.
Have you lived here long?
Uh, no, I haven't
well, yeah, I've lived here
Depends on what you think long is, about a year
Yeah, way long, long time.
Well, who lives in the main house, downstairs?
Oh, those are my landlords.
Oh, nice, old couple.
Howard and Marion Cunning
Con, uh, Constantine.
They're Greek. Oh
"Greek"?
Hey, who are all these girls?
Oh, they're just acquaintances of mine.
Well, why do they all say, "To Fonzie"?
No, no, no that's Funzie.
I'm a fun guy, so they call me.
Funzie Cunningham. Oh.
Listen, why don't you sit down?
Sit down and relax. Okay.
Uh, would you like some music?
Poetry?
Share an aperitif?
(both laugh)
Oh, you're so funny, Richie.
Yeah, fun.
(phone rings)
Oh, I'll get it. No, no, no.
I'll get it, I'll get it. This is my pad.
Hello?
He's not here right now.
Well, listen, I'm very busy right now,
and you're just going to have to wait your turn
like everybody else.
These people, they won't leave me alone.
I can see that. Yeah.
(sighs)
Can I take off your sweater? Huh?
Oh, I mean, you can leave it on if you want,
but I thought you might be a little warm.
Oh, sure, sure. Yeah.
Hey, Richie.
Yeah? May I use your bathroom?
Oh sure, I got one of those, too.
Oh, Richie, I like this place.
I mean, I love what you've done to it.
I feel comfortable and relaxed
just like a Greenwich Village hideaway.
I can just let my hair down
and be myself.
Oh, let your hair down.
Well, be back in a flash.
All right, see you soon. Okay.
Flash.
Oh.
(singing): I found my thrill ♪
On Blueberry Hill. ♪
CINDY: Now, isn't this better than a, than a car?
(singsong): You better believe it.
In privacy. (Humming)
Nobody trying to kick you.
You can do anything you feel like doing.
You know, Richie, some guys think
that just because you go to their apartment,
they think they can just take advantage of you.
(humming stops)
Take advantage of who?
Well, I know you wouldn't take advantage of me.
(groans)
(singing): I found my thrill ♪
On Blueberry Hill ♪
I'm in big trouble. ♪
(humming)
Well? Did you miss me?
You bet.
Richie, why don't you take your tie off?
Oh, you want to hear me sing while I take my tie off?
I found my thrill No, no.
Take your shirt off, too.
Here let me help you.
Why do you want to take off my shirt?
Because I've already sketched you
in a tie and a shirt.
Now I need you in a more relaxed look.
Gosh, oh, gee.
I'm just another model to you.
I might as well be a bowl of fruit.
Oh Richie, no.
No. Hey
I really like you.
Yeah? Uh-huh.
Phase four.
.
.
I'm glad Richie got to bed early tonight.
He's a good boy.
Sure is.
That's why I trust him.
As a matter of fact, he's been home all evening.
What makes you say that?
I felt the hood of his car.
It wasn't even warm.
I thought you trusted him.
I do trust him.
I was just checking up on him, that's all.
You know, Al's girlfriend is a lovely person. Mmm
It took me an hour to realize she didn't understand English.
(doorbell rings)
She's terrible at charades.
I wonder who it could be at this late hour.
Mrs. Cunningham?
Yes.
I'm Chief Petty Officer Kendall,
Cindy's father.
We didn't want to rat on Richie, he forced us.
He pulled us right out of Arnold's.
We thought we were drafted.
How do you do?
I'm Mr. Cunningham.
Uh, would you mind telling me what's going on here?
Sir.
Chief. Oh.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Your son is out with my daughter.
She was supposed to be home at 2300.
It's now 2400 and I have to be on duty at 0100.
Why is he talking in numbers?
Military talk, Marion.
I'll explain it later.
Oh, you were in the service?
I was in the Army. I was a cook.
Well, cooks always do eat better than anybody else.
Relax, Howard.
May I take your hat?
Okay, I'm bald.
Now, where's my daughter?
Well, she isn't with Richie.
He's upstairs all rolled up in a cute little ball.
He's so cute when he sleeps.
Well, your cute son, Richie,
picked up my daughter tonight at 1900 hours.
Well, maybe she's out with a different Richard.
Well, he's a redheaded kid with freckles,
and he's very polite.
That's him. That's him. Aha!
Marion,
you go on upstairs and check on Richie,
but if he's still sleeping don't wake him.
Uh, won't you sit down, Chief?
Well, I hate to bother you about all of this,
but I just transferred into this area.
Cindy's a Navy brat.
Now, I know your son may be okay,
but, well, my daughter is kind of wild.
"Wild"?
Does she have a sister?
All right, that's enough.
You guys, home.
(Ralph and Potsie protest) Come on, come on
All right, attention!
Right face! Forward march.
Hup, two, three, four, hup!
Howie? Hup-two, hup-two, hup-two!
Now, that's the way to handle those boys. Thanks.
FONZIE (laughing): Hey, hey
What was that?
I am afraid to ask.
That's not the redheaded kid.
Well, it must have been some movie.
You brought home the usher.
Fonzie, will you please
tell me what you're doing here?
Amnesia?
No.
Sleepwalking? Unh-uh.
I'm open to suggestions.
Come on, Fonzie!
This is serious. Now, where's Richie?
I don't know, could be any number of places.
Aha! But how did you know
he wouldn't be in his room?
I got lucky.
Uh-huh. Don't pay any attention to him.
(all talking at once)
Hello.
Hey, listen, I think I know what you want.
I'll go and find Richie and Cindy
for you. You know where they are?
No, no, I don't know where they are.
I have no idea, but don't worry about it.
I mean, the Fonz is like a bloodhound.
(sniffs)
Maybe they're at Inspiration Point.
Uh-huh.
Well, Fonzie is a very nice boy
and if he says he will find them,
I'm just sure that he will.
So why don't we just sit down and relax?
Do you have a tattoo? Marion!
Well, I guess it's time to take a break.
Yeah. I like it like that.
Draw a picture, take a little break.
Draw a picture, take a little break.
Hey, Cunningham, you're doing real great on phase four.
Did I ever describe phase five to you?
What's phase five? Run for your life.
The chick's father's coming up the stairs.
My father? He'll kill me!
All right, all right, just cool it.
Cool it, cool it, cool it.
Get dressed. Right.
Where is your coat? My coat's right over
It's in the bed! That's my boy!
(indistinct chatter)
My father's gonna kill us.
All right, all right, just take it easy.
Just take it easy, nice and cool.
Get out of here before they figure this out.
We figured it out.
What is?
But we didn't figure on this!
What is going on?
I know what's going on.
I'm a sailor.
Look, Kendall, they're just children.
I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for this.
An Army cook is going to tell me about life?
(Howard mutters)
Joanie, go to your room!
What are you yelling at me for?
I was the only one in the right bed.
(indistinct chatter)
Joanie, will you get out of here?
(all talking at once)
All right, all right, time out!
Hold it!
(silence)
FONZIE: Now, listen,
I think you're all very charming, but the thing is,
this is what you might call a middle class problem, you see?
And I can't be of any help
since I'm in a class all by myself.
So why don't you just take this on down
to your middle class living room?
He's right. Come on, let's all go downstairs.
We'll settle it there.
Come on. Richard?
Oh, uh,
Cunningham?
Good luck. HOWARD: Richard,
we're waiting!
Phase six explaining to my father.
Hey, Jim, you were here.
Just answer me one question.
How'd he get the coat in the bed?
Well?
Okay, okay, I'll admit
these sketches must have taken a lot of time,
but who knows what else they did?
Listen, Kendall, I know my son, and if he says
all they did was draw sketches, then I believe him.
KENDALL: Well,
maybe you're right.
Cindy, let's go home.
We can talk about this tomorrow at 0600.
That's 6:00 a.m.
Bye, Richie.
I hope I get to sketch you again sometime.
Yeah, sure, we'll draw a little, take a little break, yeah.
Okay, wait in the jeep, sailor.
Uh Cindy.
Sorry, honey.
You know, I just don't understand it.
I handle 1,700 raw recruits, and they tow the line.
With my own daughter, I got no communication.
She's not Navy, Kendall.
She's your daughter.
Why don't you try talking to her?
But I'm a busy man. I don't have the time.
Well, you found enough time to have her.
Can't you find some time to spend with her?
Thanks. I'll try.
You know, I don't know why she never sketches me.
I mean, I'm easy.
It isn't as if you have to draw hair.
I have a very simple face.
You know, Dad, I really appreciate
the way you backed me up.
Oh. You really must trust me.
Well, of course I trust you.
Yeah.
Richie, what really happened, huh?
Well, Dad, it's-it's getting a little late.
You're not going to lecture me tonight, are you?
No, I'm not going to give you a lecture.
Look, Richie, I know you're getting older,
and you want to be an adult and do things that adults do.
Yeah, I sure do.
Well, I'm not going to stop you.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
But just remember, if you ever need my help,
you can always come to me.
I may yell at you a little bit, but I'll help you.
Thanks, Dad. Mm.
Do you think next week
you could help me look for an apartment?
What?!
Upstairs! Oh
Hut, two, three, four, come on.
All right Hut, two, hut, two.
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Happy Days! ♪
(rhythmic clapping)
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪