Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s04e07 Episode Script

1
Hmm.
Peculiar little slice
of americana.
Eh, stop!
You must not buy
that mask.
Uh, please, uh
Buy this one instead.
That's not a mask.
UhYes, it is.
(Chuckles)
See?
Unhh! Oh, boy.
UhUhh!
If you want the mask,
it'll be for sale
on my web site,
Alfiesantiqueauctions.
Com.
You've been deleted,
Alfie.
Whoa!
Jackie:
I will take that.
Chan!
Crack his skull.
I will send you
a check for this later.
Thank you.
Screaming eagle feet!
Bwaa!
Yeeckk!
Crying puppy feet!
Crying puppy feet!
Aaahh!
WhyWon'tThis
ComeOff?
(Grunting)
Uhh! Unhh!
(Gasps)
Aah!
Uhh!
Ohh!
Baahh! Ohh!
Angry fist
avenges feet!
Www.Alfiesantiqueauctions.Com?
OhBad day.
Uncle: Www dot what?
Dot who?
Ow!
Uncle sent you
to find oni mask,
and you return
with gibberish!
Jade: Hello?
It's not gibberish.
It's a site on the web!
Ohh, the mask has been taken
by giant spider?!
The world wide web.
It's for sale
- on the Internet. See?
(Uncle mumbles)
So many antiques
For sale?
Jade, why did you not tell
uncle your waffle iron
was magic?
Ooh! Here's
the oni auction.
Chow: "Chantastic 4"?
You think?
Gentlemen,
start your engines.
"Finnhalen"?
That could only be
Aiyaa! Bid higher!
On it!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
Got it.
Got it back!
We're in.
They're out.
Hello!
Good-bye.
Oh, no, you don't!
Oh, yes, we do.
Aha!
And the winner is
And the winner is
Filthyrich1?!
Filthyrich1?
Who's filthyrich1?!
Who's filthyrich1?!
Jackie: According to
section 13 intelligence,
filthyrich1 lives
in this apartment.
Whoever it is,
I am sure that once
we explain the dangers
of the mask,
they will beg us
to take it away.
Tch, unless this
filthyrich1 guy
decides he likes the idea of
running his own ninja army.
Valmont?!
Valmont?!
Go away.
Ohh!
You're filthyrich1?
But you're not rich
Just filthy.
Jade: Roomy place
you got here.
I may be broke,
but I still have
my resources,
and I've caught wind
of your little quest.
Once I have my oni mask
in hand,
I shall control an army
of shadowkhan thieves,
and the riches of the world
will be mine!
(Imitates buzzer)
Guess again,
Mr. not-so-fancy-pants.
Believe me, valmont,
you do not want
to wear that mask.
I will do what I please
with the mask
that I purchased
fair and square
with stolen money.
(Knock on door)
Ahh, that must be
the courier with my win.
Flying tiger kick!
Now, was that
really necessary?
Ratso: Ooh, bigger
than my apartment.
It's a palace.
Valmont?!
Valmont?!
Valmont?!
You're filthyrich1?
But you're not ri--
I am fully aware
of the irony.
Enough talk!
Cobra strike!
Hello?!
The mask isn't even
here yet! Duh!
Stay back.
Get out, all of you!
The mask is mine!
Gorilla flings its--
(knock on door)
The mask removal spell
is ready. Huh?!
Tohru, no!
(Knock on door)
Valmont: Come in!
Delivery for Mr. val--aah!
Gotcha!
Hey!
Sorry, I can't
let you have this!
Thank you!
Dragon fist!
Got it, Jackie!
Uh, part of it.
Where is the other half?
Right where it belongs.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Ha ha ha!
Dude!
(Chuckles)
No way! Ha ha ha!
What? What are
you simpletons
laughing at?
Ha ha ha!
One side of your face
is normal
And the other's
allDemony!
Hee hee hee hee!
A broken mask won't work.
Will it?
He only has half
his shadowkhan?
Maybe they'll only be
half as dangerous?
On the contrary.
Half is more than enough
to destroy you
completely!
Aah!
(Gasps)
Whoa.
Yes, my shadowkhan,
destroy them
And seize the rest
of my face.
Aah!
Whoa. They're pretty gnarly
for half pints.
Tohru! The potion!
We must remove
valmont's mask!
I have the potion.
Uhh!
Yes!
Whoa!
Whoa!
(Gasps)
No!
All: Whoa!
Heh. Least
I didn't drop this.
We lost the truck!
Jackie: Can you make
more potion?
The key ingredient is
Japanese monkey tears,
and sensei
àstill has the monkey.
I will meet you both
back at the shop.
Aww
Jade: Hey, Jackie!
Jade!
Where are we going?
To lock that up
in section 13,
where valmont
cannot get to it.
If his shadowkhan
are this powerful
at half strength,
I do not want
to see them whole.
Bwaa!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Ahh!
Sorry! We will just
get out here! Thank you!
Jackie and Jade: Bad day,
bad bay, bad day, bad day!
Bwaa!
Aah!
Jackie!
Jade! Run!
Um, wish I could.
Maybe it's time to summon
some backup.
Graah!
Kick their half-butts!
No fair! My ninjas
don't have heads!
About face!
Charge!
Huh?
Jade?
Hey, Jackie.
(Gasps)
Foul! You hit
his blind side! Whoa!
Jackie, we gotta go back.
My guys were just
starting to get
the upper hand!
Have you gone crazy?!
Why in the world
did you put that thing
on your face?!
Duh! To save us from
valmont's shadowkhan.
Besides,
now that it's attached,
valmont can't take it.
Ohh! But who is going
to save us from you?!
The mask is evil, Jade.
It is a matter of time
before it turns you evil, too.
Tch, I can handle it.
One--it's only
half the evil
of a regular mask,
and 2
The next time
you call me crazy,
I shall devour your brains!
Heh heh.
See your point.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Uncle: Jackie.
Uncle! Please tell me
the new potion is ready.
No! Uncle cannot make
more mask removal potion.
You can't?
Key ingredient is
Japanese monkey tears.
But tohru said you still
have the monkey!
Monkey, yes. Tears, no!
Japanese monkeys are not
sentimental creatures.
They weep only once
every 7 years!
Besides, uncle has
no time to make potion.
Too busy selling antiques
with Jade's
magic waffle iron.
Ahh, uncle could resell
that ming vase
at great profit.
Buy, tohru! Buy!
But, uncle,
we need that potion!
Uncle: Then you must find
the vial that you lost!
Higher, tohru! Bid higher!
Ohh. We have to find
the delivery truck.
No problem, Jackie.
I'll just order
my half-a-Khan
to chase it down
and--
feast upon the delicious
gray matter
of the helpless mortal
inside!
No! No evil feasting,
and I do not want you
summoning the--
won't have to.
There goes our truck!
Stop!
So, you have failed
to retrieve the rest of me.
Ratso: Ohh,
I thought they'd
never leave.
No matter.
I am still powerful enough
to empty every bank vault
in the city.
Cha-ching.
Oh, yeah.
Now you're talking.
Wealth is insignificant!
I must become whole
in order to be powerful enough
to bathe the earth
in shadow!
Aww
Yes, master!
What am I saying?
Money is everything to me.
No, power
is what I crave.
Yes, because it can be
used to acquire money.
Power.
Money!
Power!
Money!
Power!
Money!
Power!
Money!
Ok, big v.
I can tell you're
a little conflicted here,
so let me just say
money--good.
Yeah. We've been trying
the world domination thing
for a while,
and it's not working out
too well.
Silence!
Whoa!
Aah!
Hey!
I do not want
your opinions!
All I want
Is the other half of my face!
Jade?
Only then shall
I be complete!
I must be complete!
Jade, the evil
within you
is growing stronger.
You must resist it
until we can find
the potion.
Well, we better
find it fast,
'cause your brains
are starting to smell
awful yummy.
My other half is near.
I sense it!
Could we please
just steal something?
Look. There's a bank
right over
(Grunts)
Ooh!
Whoopsie-Daisy.
Ohh!
Darkness awaits!
But--ohh!
Wait!
(Woof woof woof)
Graah!
Heh. Nice doggie.
No.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
It's for you.
Jade, we were
in the middle
of a big auction,
and then all the icons
disappeared.
Jade: No problem, t.
Just click on
the blinking supermoose
in the corner and--
(demonic) Surrender
your soul to the forces
of darkness!
Uh, I will figure it out
on my own.
Tohru!
Where is auction?!
(Gasps)
My antiques have been
swallowed by shadow!
He is stopping!
Thank goodness!
Valmont, demonic:
Surrender my face
Or face obliteration!
Well, don't just
stand there, chan!
Be a hero
and get this thing off me!
My guys'll
take him, Jackie.
Go nab the potion!
No, I cannot let you--
do not question me!
(Growls)
(Gasps)
I've been looking
for that!
Hey, you shouldn't
be back here!
Neither should you!
Brains!
Aah!
Whoa!
My other half,
why must we fight?
Uh, maybe 'cause
you're evil?!
Indeed. We are allies
in darkness.
We must join forces.
No, we mustn't!
I'm all right with it,
as long as your forces
join on her face.
Shadowkhan, unite!
Jade, I have the--
Jackie!
Help!
Shadowkhan, attack!
Bad day, bad day, bad day!
No!
Ahh, the remedy
to my affliction.
At last, I shall be complete!
Tch. A complete loser!
Valmont, lather up!
Right, then!
And a-one, and a-two,
grab and pull!
(Mask snarling)
No!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Huh? Jade!
Got it! Half of it.
Uh, hello?
Want the rest?
I will sell it to you
For half price?
Diamonds?
Take the mask!
I'm rich!
Whaa!
Adios, valmont.
(Cell phone rings)
Tech support.
Er, Jade, I will
have to buy you
a new computer.
I'm afraid sensei
à has crashed this one.
Tch, crashes are
a cinch to fix.
Just hit the reset
button and--
uh, no, I mean
he has crashed it
Onto the floor.
Aiyaa!
Uncle's antique auctions
have vanished!
Magic waffle iron is
forged from dark magic!
It is evil! Evil! Evil!
Hey, Jackie, when did you
start training in
martial arts?
I--training martial art
when I was 6 1/2.
10 years Southern style.
Then after that,
I learned northern style,
then after that, I learned
so many different style
like hapkido, tae Kwon do,
judo,
uh, karate, and so
many things.
Then later on, I find out
everything's the same.
The whole thing is
"martial arts,"
but just the title
different. Yeah.