Resident Alien (2021) s04e07 Episode Script
Daddy Issues
1
[DRAMATIC TONE]
Previously on "Resident Alien"
I think the killer is
a giant alien Mantid.
We'll take that under consideration.
Why are you here?
Someone has to watch the diner.
I'm adopting you.
I don't even like you.
Is Harry Vanderspeigle an alien?
No.
So this is the new man.
There's no new man.
We work together at the clinic.
Why don't you take
your truck and head home?
Jesus Christ, Jimmy.
Asta gave me some money to deposit,
and I got drunk, and I lost it.
I don't feel good about my life.
Why should I keep going?
I will kill the Mantid.
And if I do not, the Greys can have me
if they agree to give up
Mr. and Mrs. Mayor's baby.
This council accepts your offer
and will grant your
energy to an executor.
Daddy?
[PATTI PAGE'S "TENNESSEE WALTZ"]
I was dancing with my darling ♪
to the Tennessee waltz ♪
when an old friend
I happened to see ♪
♪
I introduced her to my loved one ♪
and while they were dancing ♪
my friend stole
my sweetheart from me ♪
♪
I remember the night ♪
and the Tennessee waltz ♪
the beautiful Tennessee waltz ♪
♪
[BLUES MUSIC]
♪
Humans are born dependent
on a parent for survival.
They require a close emotional
bond to feel safe,
and later, to trust
that the parent will not
murder them for wrecking
the car on prom night.
I do not want an emotional
bond with my father.
I only want him to give me what he has
in that little tube, my alien energy,
and to stop adjusting the thermostat.
[CHUCKLES] You see,
I I did the earth simulator,
so I get live and laugh.
But I will never understand love.
Uh
Oh, man, really, honestly,
are we trying to heat
the whole neighborhood here?
- Father
- No.
You call me Ed or sir or sire.
Ok, Ed, you are so good
at walking and talking.
I am jealous because I did not
get to use the simulator
before my mission.
Yeah, well, I think
one reason for that is
because you weren't supposed to stay.
I thought you might mention that.
Really? Why would I?
It's only the single greatest
failure in our bloodline.
So yeah, I thought I might.
That's a good one.
Fath Ed, Ed. Uh, tea.
Huh?
Yeah.
You know, yes, I did fail my mission.
Yeah.
But failing does not make me a failure.
I have that on a sign
just above the john.
Yeah?
Since then, I have done very well.
I have this fine home,
and I have friends and
Oh, hey, this
This is what I am most proud of.
Meet Bridget.
Oh. [LAUGHS]
No, thanks. I'm not hungry.
[SQUEALS]
Son of a bitch.
- Bridget!
- Asshole!
[DOOR SLAMS]
That was your grandson.
No, no.
Are you copulating with humans?
Humans consider interspecies coitus
a paraphilic mental disease.
Me?
I just call it sick.
Wow, that was
a very thorough simulator.
I'm just happy you didn't
crawl up on top of my face,
try to make a baby
by rutting your elbow
up my gallbladder.
This simulator has some blind spots.
Ed
Well[CHUCKLES]
You obviously do not like earth
or anyone on it.
Maybe give me my alien energy,
and then you can go home.
The council let me decide
whether or not to give you
your energy back.
Right now, it's a hard no.
I do not think it is fair
that the council is
forcing you to decide
the fate of your son.
[LAUGHING] No, I begged for it.
I said, "I know him best.
I raised him."
You did try to kill me 11 times.
So now it's my fault for coddling you.
No. It's just
I told the council that I could kill
this Mantid that's running around.
And I can't do that without the energy.
And if I do not kill it,
they will take my soul.
[LAUGHS] Our people don't have souls.
And we're yeah, we're fine.
Our species is cold and without mercy.
And you are a weak human embarrassment,
a weenie boy.
I am not a weenie boy.
I will prove to you
I am just as ruthless
and as uncaring as I was
when I was on our planet!
Seriously, come on.
How hard is that?
[SOFT MUSIC]
[LINE RINGING]
♪
D'Arcy still not picking up?
Of course not.
Too big a coward to tell me
that she lost the diner money,
even though she told me to my face
that she deposited it.
Well, does she know you got it back?
No.
She's probably out
committing crimes right now,
trying to replace it.
And when she goes to prison for those,
I'm not going to visit.
And she can forget about asking me
to write a letter to the parole board.
The answer is no.
You've given it some thought.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
[BELL JINGLES]
[CACKLING]
Hello, humans!
You are all stupid.
♪
And the pie is garbage.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Hi.
Whatever this is, I'm not in the mood.
My father, he won't give me
my alien energy back
unless I prove to him
that I'm still an alien threat.
So just go with it.
- Go with it.
- Oh, is this
I said quiet! And seat us, you wench.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[CACKLING]
Oh, no
I'm going to clean that up.
Mm-hmm.
But not all of it.
Not not
Not this piece.
That's staying there.
[GASPS] Hi.
[VOCALIZING SOFTLY]
Yeah.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Did you sleep?
No.
No, I just stared at her
like she wasn't even real.
How did this happen?
I mean, who do you
Who do you think returned her?
No idea.
Most important thing is
that she's here with us.
Yeah.
Now all we have to do
is explain to everyone
where she came from, you know,
and not just to Max.
I mean, everyone's going to ask.
But don't worry.
I came up with a plan.
It's very simple.
We only hide her for five months.
Then you start wearing
a pregnancy belly
that I have fashioned from candle wax,
making it just a little bit
bigger every month
from all those pine candles
that people keep returning.
Get a little pine belly built up.
Then oh, no your water breaks.
Unfortunately, we can't
get to the hospital
because, you know,
I've pulled some strings,
had the road shut down.
So we have to have the baby at home.
And you know, we debate about
what to do with the placenta.
And eventually, we plant it
under a pear tree.
Oh!
Need a pear tree.
So you're saying I could pass
for five months pregnant
right now?
Three months?
You adopted a baby?
Oh.
Uh, yeah.
Exactly.
Sorry we couldn't tell you, pal.
Um, but these things fall through
You know, a lot of lawyers.
Will I get less allowance now?
- No.
- No.
Cool.
What's its name?
Oh, well, we were just
Bacynthia.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
What?
Bacynthia.
Don't don't you dare
write that down.
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INDISTINCT MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Fine.
Don't take my calls.
You know, I asked you straight out,
did you make the deposit?
And you said yes.
Why?
You knew I'd find out,
which I guess is why
you didn't come home last night?
Oh, and in case you care,
Harry got the Greys
to leave the baby alone forever.
So Kayla and I took her
back to Ben and Kate.
Wish you were there,
but you know, you miss a lot
when you're on a bender.
I'm glad about the baby.
And I I didn't come home last night
because I was thinking
about killing myself.
But I decided to stop drinking.
And I found an aa meeting.
And then I stayed at Judy's.
Oh, my God, D'Arcy.
And I'm sorry about the money.
- I'll pay you back.
- No, it's fine.
It's fine. It turned up.
Oh.
Good.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Can I have some?
'Cause I said I'd bring
donuts to the next meeting.
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
What are you doing up there?
Oh, nothing. I
I thought I saw a moth,
and I wanted to kill it
in case you were wearing wool.
Uh, you know, I'm starving.
Where where's that little
snack that you gave me before?
Do you mean my son?
He's staying with friends
in case his grandfather
said something like,
"where is that little snack?"
Now, why don't you show me
where that tube of alien energy is?
I got your energy right here.
Just to be clear,
what part of the human body is that?
Gallbladder.
You're right.
I'm so stupid.
Ooh.
My energy.
I proved to you in the diner
that I am worthy to have it.
Did you see how slowly
I cleaned up that glass?
I was merciless.
You weren't merciless.
You were just a dick.
Look, what I'm talking about
is an empty, dead-eyed killing machine.
And I just don't think that's you.
You take that back!
I have killed so many humans.
I have killed this doctor
whose skin suit I am wearing right now.
You came here to kill
every human on earth,
and instead, you became one.
You went soft.
I am not soft.
Ho-ho!
I retrieved a device from the 1970s
for the Greys to destroy
our entire species.
But you didn't.
Yes, but if I did,
then you would not
be here talking about it.
Of course not.
I'd be dead.
But then you would be sorry.
How can I be sorry if I'm dead?
Nothing lives on after death.
That's not true.
As a human, I grew a soul.
Souls are immortal.
Right now, I am stronger than death.
Ok, tough guy.
You came here to kill
every human on earth.
I'll give you your energy back
if you kill just one.
- One human?
- Mm-hmm.
Ah, I mean, give me a real challenge.
Ask me to kill
something truly dangerous.
What did the simulator say about ducks?
One human
By tonight.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
See the bite marks?
Identical to the hiker's
chomped-off head.
Poor Bambi.
Deputy, Bambi wasn't
the one that was killed.
His mother was the victim.
Don't make me have to
screen that movie for you.
I'll be a wreck for months.
[SIGHS]
Damn it, it's already got
its hold on me.
[GROANS]
What I was trying to say
before you ripped my heart out
was, your FBI buddy Jules was wrong.
The serial killer didn't move on.
And it's a Mantid.
See these cigarette butts
on the ground?
That's proof.
It smokes after it eats.
But if it is the Mantid,
that's a problem.
- It's a shapeshifter.
- I know.
Could be anybody.
Could be the mayor.
Could be Deputy Fred.
It could be me.
[CHUCKLES] No.
You don't have what it takes
to bite a head off a human.
Ugh, another disappointment.
See, my first thought was,
maybe it's me, right?
I mean, I've ruled it out for now.
But I'm not afraid
to come back to me hard
if I give me reason to.
See, 'cause I've been
applying my profiling skills,
and I was thinking, if I was
a shape-shifting mass murderer
and I could be anybody, I'd want to be
the person leading the investigation
so I could point it away from me.
Wait, you mean Jules?
Sir, is it possible you're jealous
of her spending so much time with Lena?
I don't get jealous of aliens.
If anything, aliens are jealous of me.
For good reason.
♪
I'm really sorry
about getting mad at you
about the money.
Don't do that.
Just be mad.
That's why I went to Harry.
I knew you'd let me off the hook.
Wait, you went to Harry instead of me?
Yeah, because I knew
he wouldn't try to kiss it all better.
Look, all my life, I've had challenges,
and I've nailed them.
And I'm going to nail being sober.
And if I need somebody,
I have a sponsor.
But I won't, 'cause I've got this.
All right?
Yeah, totally.
Look at you.
What?
You really want to fix this.
No. No, I don't.
I I don't even care.
- Liar.
- I [SIGHS]
Hey, come here.
My whole life,
you've been there for me.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Now I gotta be there for me.
♪
Well, then you have no shot.
♪
Separating from a parent
or even someone who acts like a parent
is scary for humans, and hard
♪
And very, very hard
when that son of a bitch
will not leave your cabin.
Ho-ho!
I cannot wait to kill a human.
- Yeah?
- [LAUGHING]
Ah, the weather is
perfect today for murder,
which I'll be doing.
Ah, ah!
I got my afternoon kill coffee.
Boy, oh, boy.
If I don't drink this,
I cannot kill anybody.
Is that why you wrote down the address
of a local mortuary?
I was calling to make sure
they had enough room
for all the new dead bodies
I'm going to murder today.
Yeah, because if
you're trying to pass off
an already dead body as a fresh kill,
you know, you have to remember,
I still have my superior
olfactory senses.
In fact, right now, for some reason,
I'm smelling deodorant soap
that was last used three days ago.
Hey, Harry, I need to talk to you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Wait, you're an alien again?
Hello, I'm over here.
That is my father then.
How is it that
there's someone in this town
who can see aliens
and you let him live?
Oh, he tried to kill me lots of times,
but I always outsmarted him.
You're not helping.
I came to tell you that my mom asked
about you being an alien.
I told her you're not,
but I might change my mind
and tell her the truth
unless you pay me $346.
Good lord, it gets worse and worse.
My own son letting himself
be bullied by a child.
No, I certainly not.
Certainly not!
I'll write you a check.
Don't cash it till Friday.
Oh, my gosh, she is so cute.
Sir, do you want to hold her?
Hell, no.
Neither should you.
This baby was raised by aliens.
For all we know,
it could crawl up your anus
and live inside you.
It's not going to happen to me, though,
'cause I always keep my anus clenched.
This is every day for me.
Let me know if you want
any sphincter exercises.
Oh, I won't let you know anything.
- Bye.
- [PHONE DINGS, BUZZES]
- Oh, no.
- What is it?
Lena says she's going over
to Jules' house for lunch.
Sir, I would like to remind you
that Jules being a Mantid
is only a theory,
and only yours.
Maybe temper your expectations.
I'm going to temper my foot
in that Mantid's ass.
That's what I'm going to do.
♪
That's not how it's used.
I made some changes for efficiency.
Mm-hmm.
Ok.
Like the little butter pats
that we throw out
when they're not used
I got rid of the butter guy,
and I ordered these cute
tiny paper cups
that you can put butter in
only when someone asks.
But the butter guy
saved my life in nam,
so you need to fix that.
That explains why he smiled
and said he'd be back.
But see, nothing burned down,
and I made everything look really nice
for you to come home to.
Yes, you did.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I think I'll get rid of the place.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
You know, being out on the road,
doing what I loved,
I heard what you said about
living my life while I can.
[SOFT MUSIC]
I started thinking, maybe
I should sell the place,
or at least find
someone else to run it.
You found someone. Me.
Well, you don't want it, do you?
I don't know.
I mean, I just think it's
funny you never thought to ask.
Well, because I know you'd say yes.
[SIGHS]
Because you want to help.
And then you'd just keep
running it forever.
And?
It'd be another excuse
for you never to leave town.
♪
You think I should leave?
Well, I didn't say that.
But come on.
Do you really want to stay
in Patience your whole life?
I've never thought about it, Dad.
Where is this even coming from?
It's coming from I love you.
Between the army and my band,
I'd seen the whole world
before I settled here.
You haven't gotten past Denver.
♪
How about New York City?
Also, let's not forget the moon.
Ok, I'll give you the moon.
♪
I get it.
I should leave.
Why not?
I'm not needed here.
You don't need me.
D'Arcy doesn't need me.
Apparently, she has Harry now,
you know, and Jay has a family,
right, Jay?
Huh?
You know, I might as well hit the road.
So, yeah, bye-bye. Ok, I'm out.
I'm sorry about the butter
and your veterinarian friend.
Veteran.
You know what I meant.
[BELL JINGLES]
I heard my name.
What was that about?
Not sure.
But I don't think
it's about the butter.
♪
It's my first time making
this salad, so buyer beware.
Looks great.
Tell me what it's like at the col
[LIGHT MUSIC]
I think it's for you.
♪
Go.
Yeah, yeah.
♪
Sheriff.
Hi.
Come on in, I guess.
Hey, ladies.
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry to interrupt your
What is that?
Pasta salad.
Well, which is it?
Those are two entirely
different food groups.
What are you doing here, Mike?
Um, we need to talk.
Why don't I give you two some privacy?
Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
So talk.
I know she still looks
like an FBI agent,
but I really think she might be
a shape-shifting alien Mantid.
And do you have even one
shred of proof that she is?
No, but she is at the top of my list.
List? Who else is on this list?
Well, I was.
But but I'm not anymore,
so you don't have to worry about that.
I think I do,
because in a very short time,
you have come all the way
from not believing in aliens
to thinking that you are one.
I
[TENSE MUSIC]
Mike, I love you,
but maybe that leave
of absence that you took
needed to be a little longer.
I don't
Let's just take some time
until you sort it out,
or or I do, or something.
♪
So that's it then?
I'm sorry.
♪
[SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Dr. Smallwood.
Dr. Vanderspeigle.
♪
Why did you call me in?
I don't have an appointment.
Oh, I just wanted to see
how you were feeling,
ask you a few questions.
It's just routine.
Number one, do you have
anyone who would miss you
or ask annoying questions
if you were dead?
- Doctor?
- Hmm.
- Can I speak to you?
- I am
- Now.
- Right in the
Really
[LIGHT MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[BELL JINGLES]
Let's go.
- Ok.
- Yeah.
Hey, there.
- Oh, hi. Hey.
- Oh, D'Arce, hey.
- Hi.
- Oh, my God, is this
The newest member
of the Hawthorne family.
Yeah, adopted you know, didn't tell.
Red tape, paperwork, lawyers
Am I right?
You know, sign here. Initial there.
Kate was a champ.
We're getting a pear tree.
But that's not related.
What's her name?
- Blanche Dubois.
- Well, we haven't decide
It's not that.
[BABY FUSSING]
Oh, she likes you.
I know, right?
Have you two met?
I mean, she's a baby.
Where would we have met? [LAUGHS]
Baby town?
Baby land city?
Uh, I've never been there, so
- You ok, D'Arce?
- Yeah, fine.
Just gotta get home.
I'm not feeling well.
I think it might be something
I ate, so I'm just going to
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Congratulations. Yeah.
Ok, did you see the way
the baby looked at her?
I told you she was on that ship.
Hmm.
She knows something.
Yeah.
Why did you write "DNR"
on the charts of all
of our senior patients?
Because I am looking
for someone to kill.
Oh.
My father will not
restore my alien energy
unless I prove that I can kill a human.
It's the only way
to get my alien energy back
and kill the Mantid.
So instead of being all
Mrs. Judgy-pants,
why don't you go in there
and scare Dr. Smallwood?
Maybe it'll make her heart stop.
She seems like she's
hanging on by a thread.
No killing,
especially not to please your dad.
God, I get it.
Trust me.
Because then you kill someone for him,
and you do your best at it,
and you're really good at it, you know?
And in the end, it doesn't matter,
because he still says,
"no one needs you here."
That road trip started normal,
but then it ran into a ditch.
No, just no killing.
It is never ok.
You killed that guy,
the man with the gun.
Shh.
That was to save you.
Oh.
So what you're saying is,
if someone tried to kill you,
I could kill them.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
I have a job for you.
She works at the clinic.
♪
My hero!
No.
And if you need
to hear me say the words,
do not hire someone to kill me.
Got it?
Loud and clear.
I can't and I won't hire
anyone to harm you.
I just need to find someone
who already hurt her
♪
And kill him.
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Humans are driven by choice.
Sometimes the choice is difficult,
like selecting a pizza topping,
unless one of the choices is anchovies.
Those are cat food.
Other times, the choice is easy,
like killing the man who hurt Asta.
I come home to that!
If he hurt Asta, he is
probably hurting other people.
So it is good for everyone if he dies.
I will be a hero,
and not like teachers and nurses.
I mean a real hero.
[GRUNTING]
♪
Ow!
Ow? That is not correct.
He is supposed to be dead.
On television, a hit
on the head is all it takes.
What other lies have I fallen for?
Harry?
And stay down!
I'm so sorry.
Let me help you up.
- Whoops.
- Ow, ooh.
[LINE RINGS]
[SIGHS]
Lena's not answering.
She hasn't picked up all day,
which only means one of two things.
Either she's mad at me,
or she's sitting on a pilates
machine, headless right now.
The first one, for a lot
of reasons, makes more sense.
Deputy, she does a lot of pilates,
so odds favor it happening there.
Odds favor that she just
might need time to cool off.
Cool off?
Deputy, I should be
the one cooling off.
Because she didn't believe me.
Do you any idea how bad
it feels to not be believed?
I could probably guess.
Yes, you could.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Deputy, I owe you an apology.
When you first told me
about all this alien stuff,
I didn't
I didn't listen.
And I should have listened.
And I didn't support you,
and I should have supported you.
♪
I'm truly sorry about that.
♪
Thank you, sir.
This whole case has been a lot, I know.
♪
I guess, for me,
admitting that
Jules actually is the Mantid
means the real Jules could be dead.
And I I didn't want to do that yet.
Yeah, I know.
And look, hell, I may be wrong.
Maybe maybe Jules isn't the Mantid.
You know, we just gotta
Just gotta be sure
before we can rule it out.
That makes sense.
So what's the plan?
The plan is, you're going
to set a little trap.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Oh.
♪
[GRUNTS] Easy.
All right, well, hold still,
'cause I'm good at stitching.
I am terrible at stitching.
His head looks like a child
playing doctor on a potato.
Do you want a stick to bite on?
I'm all right.
A couple of stitches is nothing.
When I was a kid,
my dad gave me 16 of 'em.
He was a doctor?
No, I'm saying he opened
a cut or two over the years.
He hurt you.
Only when he'd had a few.
Or sometimes when he hadn't.
I always thought
bad humans were born bad,
that it was in their DNA,
like hair color
or liking those plain house
salads that have no flavor.
But maybe it is the parent,
the first person a child trusts
who has the ability to mold that child
into who they will become.
Jimmy?
Asta.
Harry?
What's going on?
I tried to kill Jimmy, but I didn't,
so you can't be mad.
You what?
Oh, Jesus.
What's wrong?
Is it bad?
No, no, it looks good.
Harry's stitches look great.
Could you hold this?
It's sanitary.
What did I say about killing people?
I thought it would be ok
because he's bad.
Ok, I understand.
And believe me,
I have thought about it too.
But no.
Ok, just go. I will take care of this.
Yeah, but no lollipop for him.
How's Jay doing?
She's fine.
We don't need to talk.
Thanks for taking care of me.
Just doing my job.
Just like old times, right?
[LAUGHS]
Remember that time I had
to crawl through the window,
and I sliced my hand open?
[TENSE MUSIC]
You mean that time you broke the window
after losing your keys and blaming me?
♪
I know I screwed up.
You were the only
solid thing in my life.
♪
Everyone always left, but not you.
You could have left 1,000 times.
You probably should have.
But you always stayed.
♪
I said don't talk.
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
The eagle has just ordered drinks.
Deputy, you don't have
to narrate every move.
It's a sting operation, not your diary.
For the record, I'm the eagle.
You're the pigeon.
Negative, sir. Jules is the pigeon.
We're trapping her.
You think an eagle eats pigeons?
An eagle is a proud bird.
It eats king salmon,
maybe a nice muskrat.
Ok, now go catch
that muskrat in a lie
Thanks.
That proves she's not the real Jules.
I needed this.
Work has been crazy.
I rarely have time
for anything fun anymore.
Yeah, me too.
So, hey, I think I know someone
who trained with you at Quantico.
Remind me, who was
your training officer?
Gosh, there were so many.
Who's your friend?
I I don't know.
Tell her your friend's name
is Elvis Presley.
This drink is tasty.
Deputy, say Elvis Presley.
We're setting a trap for her.
You say Elvis Presley, and if she says
anything other than,
"he has the same name
as the king of rock and roll,"
then bam, she's an alien.
All right, look, say it just like this.
"Oh, I remember now.
My friend's name is
Elvis Aaron Presley."
Go ahead, do it.
It tastes like there's lemon in there.
[SIGHS]
What if we name her Lucy,
like Lucy in the sky,
because she's from the sky?
Ooh, how about Abducterina,
because she was abducted?
Then she'll always be
reminded of her trauma.
I like it when we're on the same page.
This isn't one of those times.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Um, honey?
Hmm?
Why is our son blackmailing
the town doctor?
♪
So where would I go?
Pardon?
So far today, two people have told me
I stay when I should leave.
So, ok, let's say
those two people are correct.
Where would I go?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, I wasn't telling you
what to do.
I mean, you make your own decisions.
If you decide to live
in Patience, great.
If you decide to, hell, I'd love it.
But if it's a choice,
that means knowing
what else is out there.
Besides the moon?
Besides that.
Remember when I was little,
and you had that huge bed?
I used to get so scared.
I'd crawl up into it, and I wanted
to lay right in the middle with you.
On me.
The rest was enormous.
You know, the edges were
really far away.
And beyond that was dark.
I liked it in the middle, dad.
It wasn't so scary.
[SOFT MUSIC]
You have this great talent
for making the best
of what life gives you.
But sometimes it makes you
accept whatever you have.
I mean, being scared of what's
out there past the bed is ok,
but just don't let it keep you
from taking that first step
off the mattress.
♪
Oh, don't talk.
- Just listen.
- What's wrong?
Already talking.
One thing about aa is
that I have to be honest.
Like, it is crucial for my sobriety.
But then I ran into
Ben and Kate on the street,
and I saw Daisy
for the first time in forever,
and I had to lie to them again,
like, right to their faces.
It was hard,
and I wanted a drink,
like, bad.
And I thought I had this
whole thing under control,
but it turns out I do not,
which maybe that's the point.
So I called my sponsor.
Honestly, this whole thing is weird,
and it's scary and hard.
But I have to be honest.
So now that the baby is safe,
I want to tell
Ben and Kate the truth
Like, all of it.
And I know you have
feelings about this.
So you can come with me if you want.
Or if you don't,
that's that's also fine.
♪
Let's go.
Ok.
♪
All right, you know what? Let's
Let's switch gears.
Um, ask her something
only the two of you would know,
something from your childhood.
Fifth grade.
What?
I was just thinking about it.
Ok.
What about it?
Us like, fond memories.
Like that time on the playground,
remember, on the swings?
I was crying, and you
came over to console me.
You remember what you said?
[INDISTINCT BLUES MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
"Don't worry.
No one saw you pee yourself"?
That time?
Oh, so you
You do remember.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, it's work.
I'm going to take this outside.
I'll be right back.
Ok.
♪
Jules is not the Mantid, sir.
No one but her would
remember that story.
You might not want to hear this,
but your profile said
the Mantid was someone
close to the investigation.
Deputy, don't finish that.
I don't want it to be Lena either,
and it probably isn't,
but you have to admit, it would fit.
[SIGHS]
[DOOR CLOSING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
There's only one way to find out.
♪
Eh.
[GRUNTING]
Father.
What, no corpse?
Nothing fun, like a severed head?
[CHUCKLES]
I take it you failed to kill a human.
I chose not to kill a human.
Hmm, you were always the weak one.
Now, your brother
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
Was the strong one.
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
You have got to be kidding me.
Well, he did everything I asked of him.
But if I'm being honest,
what I want from my son
is to kill this human.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GRUNTING]
♪
And if he doesn't, I will.
♪
When I was an alien, I
wanted to kill Max very badly.
I tried many times.
But it feels impossible now.
- [GRUNTING]
- Well?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You want me to kill this?
It's only half a human.
He's just scraps that you throw away.
Well, then it won't take long.
Kill him!
Only him.
Then you can be an alien again
and save all of humanity
from the Mantid.
♪
You're only struggling
with killing the boy
because you're human.
And once you become one of us again,
you won't care that he's dead.
♪
I'm sorry, Max.
♪
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
- Quiet.
- [CHUCKLING]
♪
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes!
♪
I don't want you to get goo in them.
Huh?
Oh!
[GROANS]
I hope I've made you proud, father.
- [GROANS]
- [HISSING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Ha-ha!
♪
[LAUGHING]
Ooh, look at that.
Ooh, I forgot how tall I was.
Ho-ho-ho!
Yeah, I'll let you know
first thing in the morning.
Agent Gardner.
How you doing?
I'm good, I'm good.
Thank you.
Sorry to hear you and Lena
are having some problems.
Yeah, that's
It's kind of what I wanted
to talk to you about.
Uh, have you noticed anything unusual
about Lena's behavior lately?
I know she was a little disappointed
the investigation was over.
I think she enjoyed the excitement.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Everything all right, sheriff?
Uh, yeah, every uh
[STAMMERING] Everything's good.
By gosh, I think he's got it.
So what are you doing now?
What do you what,
are you reading my mind, huh?
Get out of my head.
But it's so interesting up there.
I don't doubt that, but I need you
I need you to freeze.
Such a complicated mind,
not as linear and readable
as deputy dumb questions in there.
I said freeze, you
shape-shifting son of a bitch.
What are you going to do?
You going to shoot an FBI agent
right here on the street?
And then what?
Explain that it was a space alien?
I'll shoot.
No, you won't.
But I'll do it for you.
[GUNSHOT]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
You can't kill me.
But I can kill you.
I'd do it right now,
but a dead sheriff might cause a fuss.
So I'll just do it when
I kill the rest of the town.
♪
See you at the mining festival
tomorrow.
♪
I heard a gunshot. What happened?
♪
You had drinks with the damn Mantid,
that's what.
♪
You killed your own dad to save me.
And to get my alien energy back.
And to save me.
[SIGHS]
Yes.
Because even though you said
you are not my friend,
I am yours.
And this is what real friends
do for one another.
Sometimes they kill their own
fathers with a fireplace poker.
[SOFT MUSIC]
You're smiling.
Don't make it weird. What?
Ah! Oh.
[BABY FUSSING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What the [BLEEP]?
See, this is why you knock.
♪
sync & corrections awaqeded
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[DRAMATIC TONE]
Previously on "Resident Alien"
I think the killer is
a giant alien Mantid.
We'll take that under consideration.
Why are you here?
Someone has to watch the diner.
I'm adopting you.
I don't even like you.
Is Harry Vanderspeigle an alien?
No.
So this is the new man.
There's no new man.
We work together at the clinic.
Why don't you take
your truck and head home?
Jesus Christ, Jimmy.
Asta gave me some money to deposit,
and I got drunk, and I lost it.
I don't feel good about my life.
Why should I keep going?
I will kill the Mantid.
And if I do not, the Greys can have me
if they agree to give up
Mr. and Mrs. Mayor's baby.
This council accepts your offer
and will grant your
energy to an executor.
Daddy?
[PATTI PAGE'S "TENNESSEE WALTZ"]
I was dancing with my darling ♪
to the Tennessee waltz ♪
when an old friend
I happened to see ♪
♪
I introduced her to my loved one ♪
and while they were dancing ♪
my friend stole
my sweetheart from me ♪
♪
I remember the night ♪
and the Tennessee waltz ♪
the beautiful Tennessee waltz ♪
♪
[BLUES MUSIC]
♪
Humans are born dependent
on a parent for survival.
They require a close emotional
bond to feel safe,
and later, to trust
that the parent will not
murder them for wrecking
the car on prom night.
I do not want an emotional
bond with my father.
I only want him to give me what he has
in that little tube, my alien energy,
and to stop adjusting the thermostat.
[CHUCKLES] You see,
I I did the earth simulator,
so I get live and laugh.
But I will never understand love.
Uh
Oh, man, really, honestly,
are we trying to heat
the whole neighborhood here?
- Father
- No.
You call me Ed or sir or sire.
Ok, Ed, you are so good
at walking and talking.
I am jealous because I did not
get to use the simulator
before my mission.
Yeah, well, I think
one reason for that is
because you weren't supposed to stay.
I thought you might mention that.
Really? Why would I?
It's only the single greatest
failure in our bloodline.
So yeah, I thought I might.
That's a good one.
Fath Ed, Ed. Uh, tea.
Huh?
Yeah.
You know, yes, I did fail my mission.
Yeah.
But failing does not make me a failure.
I have that on a sign
just above the john.
Yeah?
Since then, I have done very well.
I have this fine home,
and I have friends and
Oh, hey, this
This is what I am most proud of.
Meet Bridget.
Oh. [LAUGHS]
No, thanks. I'm not hungry.
[SQUEALS]
Son of a bitch.
- Bridget!
- Asshole!
[DOOR SLAMS]
That was your grandson.
No, no.
Are you copulating with humans?
Humans consider interspecies coitus
a paraphilic mental disease.
Me?
I just call it sick.
Wow, that was
a very thorough simulator.
I'm just happy you didn't
crawl up on top of my face,
try to make a baby
by rutting your elbow
up my gallbladder.
This simulator has some blind spots.
Ed
Well[CHUCKLES]
You obviously do not like earth
or anyone on it.
Maybe give me my alien energy,
and then you can go home.
The council let me decide
whether or not to give you
your energy back.
Right now, it's a hard no.
I do not think it is fair
that the council is
forcing you to decide
the fate of your son.
[LAUGHING] No, I begged for it.
I said, "I know him best.
I raised him."
You did try to kill me 11 times.
So now it's my fault for coddling you.
No. It's just
I told the council that I could kill
this Mantid that's running around.
And I can't do that without the energy.
And if I do not kill it,
they will take my soul.
[LAUGHS] Our people don't have souls.
And we're yeah, we're fine.
Our species is cold and without mercy.
And you are a weak human embarrassment,
a weenie boy.
I am not a weenie boy.
I will prove to you
I am just as ruthless
and as uncaring as I was
when I was on our planet!
Seriously, come on.
How hard is that?
[SOFT MUSIC]
[LINE RINGING]
♪
D'Arcy still not picking up?
Of course not.
Too big a coward to tell me
that she lost the diner money,
even though she told me to my face
that she deposited it.
Well, does she know you got it back?
No.
She's probably out
committing crimes right now,
trying to replace it.
And when she goes to prison for those,
I'm not going to visit.
And she can forget about asking me
to write a letter to the parole board.
The answer is no.
You've given it some thought.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
[BELL JINGLES]
[CACKLING]
Hello, humans!
You are all stupid.
♪
And the pie is garbage.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Hi.
Whatever this is, I'm not in the mood.
My father, he won't give me
my alien energy back
unless I prove to him
that I'm still an alien threat.
So just go with it.
- Go with it.
- Oh, is this
I said quiet! And seat us, you wench.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[CACKLING]
Oh, no
I'm going to clean that up.
Mm-hmm.
But not all of it.
Not not
Not this piece.
That's staying there.
[GASPS] Hi.
[VOCALIZING SOFTLY]
Yeah.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Did you sleep?
No.
No, I just stared at her
like she wasn't even real.
How did this happen?
I mean, who do you
Who do you think returned her?
No idea.
Most important thing is
that she's here with us.
Yeah.
Now all we have to do
is explain to everyone
where she came from, you know,
and not just to Max.
I mean, everyone's going to ask.
But don't worry.
I came up with a plan.
It's very simple.
We only hide her for five months.
Then you start wearing
a pregnancy belly
that I have fashioned from candle wax,
making it just a little bit
bigger every month
from all those pine candles
that people keep returning.
Get a little pine belly built up.
Then oh, no your water breaks.
Unfortunately, we can't
get to the hospital
because, you know,
I've pulled some strings,
had the road shut down.
So we have to have the baby at home.
And you know, we debate about
what to do with the placenta.
And eventually, we plant it
under a pear tree.
Oh!
Need a pear tree.
So you're saying I could pass
for five months pregnant
right now?
Three months?
You adopted a baby?
Oh.
Uh, yeah.
Exactly.
Sorry we couldn't tell you, pal.
Um, but these things fall through
You know, a lot of lawyers.
Will I get less allowance now?
- No.
- No.
Cool.
What's its name?
Oh, well, we were just
Bacynthia.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
What?
Bacynthia.
Don't don't you dare
write that down.
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INDISTINCT MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Fine.
Don't take my calls.
You know, I asked you straight out,
did you make the deposit?
And you said yes.
Why?
You knew I'd find out,
which I guess is why
you didn't come home last night?
Oh, and in case you care,
Harry got the Greys
to leave the baby alone forever.
So Kayla and I took her
back to Ben and Kate.
Wish you were there,
but you know, you miss a lot
when you're on a bender.
I'm glad about the baby.
And I I didn't come home last night
because I was thinking
about killing myself.
But I decided to stop drinking.
And I found an aa meeting.
And then I stayed at Judy's.
Oh, my God, D'Arcy.
And I'm sorry about the money.
- I'll pay you back.
- No, it's fine.
It's fine. It turned up.
Oh.
Good.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Can I have some?
'Cause I said I'd bring
donuts to the next meeting.
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
What are you doing up there?
Oh, nothing. I
I thought I saw a moth,
and I wanted to kill it
in case you were wearing wool.
Uh, you know, I'm starving.
Where where's that little
snack that you gave me before?
Do you mean my son?
He's staying with friends
in case his grandfather
said something like,
"where is that little snack?"
Now, why don't you show me
where that tube of alien energy is?
I got your energy right here.
Just to be clear,
what part of the human body is that?
Gallbladder.
You're right.
I'm so stupid.
Ooh.
My energy.
I proved to you in the diner
that I am worthy to have it.
Did you see how slowly
I cleaned up that glass?
I was merciless.
You weren't merciless.
You were just a dick.
Look, what I'm talking about
is an empty, dead-eyed killing machine.
And I just don't think that's you.
You take that back!
I have killed so many humans.
I have killed this doctor
whose skin suit I am wearing right now.
You came here to kill
every human on earth,
and instead, you became one.
You went soft.
I am not soft.
Ho-ho!
I retrieved a device from the 1970s
for the Greys to destroy
our entire species.
But you didn't.
Yes, but if I did,
then you would not
be here talking about it.
Of course not.
I'd be dead.
But then you would be sorry.
How can I be sorry if I'm dead?
Nothing lives on after death.
That's not true.
As a human, I grew a soul.
Souls are immortal.
Right now, I am stronger than death.
Ok, tough guy.
You came here to kill
every human on earth.
I'll give you your energy back
if you kill just one.
- One human?
- Mm-hmm.
Ah, I mean, give me a real challenge.
Ask me to kill
something truly dangerous.
What did the simulator say about ducks?
One human
By tonight.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
See the bite marks?
Identical to the hiker's
chomped-off head.
Poor Bambi.
Deputy, Bambi wasn't
the one that was killed.
His mother was the victim.
Don't make me have to
screen that movie for you.
I'll be a wreck for months.
[SIGHS]
Damn it, it's already got
its hold on me.
[GROANS]
What I was trying to say
before you ripped my heart out
was, your FBI buddy Jules was wrong.
The serial killer didn't move on.
And it's a Mantid.
See these cigarette butts
on the ground?
That's proof.
It smokes after it eats.
But if it is the Mantid,
that's a problem.
- It's a shapeshifter.
- I know.
Could be anybody.
Could be the mayor.
Could be Deputy Fred.
It could be me.
[CHUCKLES] No.
You don't have what it takes
to bite a head off a human.
Ugh, another disappointment.
See, my first thought was,
maybe it's me, right?
I mean, I've ruled it out for now.
But I'm not afraid
to come back to me hard
if I give me reason to.
See, 'cause I've been
applying my profiling skills,
and I was thinking, if I was
a shape-shifting mass murderer
and I could be anybody, I'd want to be
the person leading the investigation
so I could point it away from me.
Wait, you mean Jules?
Sir, is it possible you're jealous
of her spending so much time with Lena?
I don't get jealous of aliens.
If anything, aliens are jealous of me.
For good reason.
♪
I'm really sorry
about getting mad at you
about the money.
Don't do that.
Just be mad.
That's why I went to Harry.
I knew you'd let me off the hook.
Wait, you went to Harry instead of me?
Yeah, because I knew
he wouldn't try to kiss it all better.
Look, all my life, I've had challenges,
and I've nailed them.
And I'm going to nail being sober.
And if I need somebody,
I have a sponsor.
But I won't, 'cause I've got this.
All right?
Yeah, totally.
Look at you.
What?
You really want to fix this.
No. No, I don't.
I I don't even care.
- Liar.
- I [SIGHS]
Hey, come here.
My whole life,
you've been there for me.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Now I gotta be there for me.
♪
Well, then you have no shot.
♪
Separating from a parent
or even someone who acts like a parent
is scary for humans, and hard
♪
And very, very hard
when that son of a bitch
will not leave your cabin.
Ho-ho!
I cannot wait to kill a human.
- Yeah?
- [LAUGHING]
Ah, the weather is
perfect today for murder,
which I'll be doing.
Ah, ah!
I got my afternoon kill coffee.
Boy, oh, boy.
If I don't drink this,
I cannot kill anybody.
Is that why you wrote down the address
of a local mortuary?
I was calling to make sure
they had enough room
for all the new dead bodies
I'm going to murder today.
Yeah, because if
you're trying to pass off
an already dead body as a fresh kill,
you know, you have to remember,
I still have my superior
olfactory senses.
In fact, right now, for some reason,
I'm smelling deodorant soap
that was last used three days ago.
Hey, Harry, I need to talk to you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Wait, you're an alien again?
Hello, I'm over here.
That is my father then.
How is it that
there's someone in this town
who can see aliens
and you let him live?
Oh, he tried to kill me lots of times,
but I always outsmarted him.
You're not helping.
I came to tell you that my mom asked
about you being an alien.
I told her you're not,
but I might change my mind
and tell her the truth
unless you pay me $346.
Good lord, it gets worse and worse.
My own son letting himself
be bullied by a child.
No, I certainly not.
Certainly not!
I'll write you a check.
Don't cash it till Friday.
Oh, my gosh, she is so cute.
Sir, do you want to hold her?
Hell, no.
Neither should you.
This baby was raised by aliens.
For all we know,
it could crawl up your anus
and live inside you.
It's not going to happen to me, though,
'cause I always keep my anus clenched.
This is every day for me.
Let me know if you want
any sphincter exercises.
Oh, I won't let you know anything.
- Bye.
- [PHONE DINGS, BUZZES]
- Oh, no.
- What is it?
Lena says she's going over
to Jules' house for lunch.
Sir, I would like to remind you
that Jules being a Mantid
is only a theory,
and only yours.
Maybe temper your expectations.
I'm going to temper my foot
in that Mantid's ass.
That's what I'm going to do.
♪
That's not how it's used.
I made some changes for efficiency.
Mm-hmm.
Ok.
Like the little butter pats
that we throw out
when they're not used
I got rid of the butter guy,
and I ordered these cute
tiny paper cups
that you can put butter in
only when someone asks.
But the butter guy
saved my life in nam,
so you need to fix that.
That explains why he smiled
and said he'd be back.
But see, nothing burned down,
and I made everything look really nice
for you to come home to.
Yes, you did.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I think I'll get rid of the place.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
You know, being out on the road,
doing what I loved,
I heard what you said about
living my life while I can.
[SOFT MUSIC]
I started thinking, maybe
I should sell the place,
or at least find
someone else to run it.
You found someone. Me.
Well, you don't want it, do you?
I don't know.
I mean, I just think it's
funny you never thought to ask.
Well, because I know you'd say yes.
[SIGHS]
Because you want to help.
And then you'd just keep
running it forever.
And?
It'd be another excuse
for you never to leave town.
♪
You think I should leave?
Well, I didn't say that.
But come on.
Do you really want to stay
in Patience your whole life?
I've never thought about it, Dad.
Where is this even coming from?
It's coming from I love you.
Between the army and my band,
I'd seen the whole world
before I settled here.
You haven't gotten past Denver.
♪
How about New York City?
Also, let's not forget the moon.
Ok, I'll give you the moon.
♪
I get it.
I should leave.
Why not?
I'm not needed here.
You don't need me.
D'Arcy doesn't need me.
Apparently, she has Harry now,
you know, and Jay has a family,
right, Jay?
Huh?
You know, I might as well hit the road.
So, yeah, bye-bye. Ok, I'm out.
I'm sorry about the butter
and your veterinarian friend.
Veteran.
You know what I meant.
[BELL JINGLES]
I heard my name.
What was that about?
Not sure.
But I don't think
it's about the butter.
♪
It's my first time making
this salad, so buyer beware.
Looks great.
Tell me what it's like at the col
[LIGHT MUSIC]
I think it's for you.
♪
Go.
Yeah, yeah.
♪
Sheriff.
Hi.
Come on in, I guess.
Hey, ladies.
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry to interrupt your
What is that?
Pasta salad.
Well, which is it?
Those are two entirely
different food groups.
What are you doing here, Mike?
Um, we need to talk.
Why don't I give you two some privacy?
Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
So talk.
I know she still looks
like an FBI agent,
but I really think she might be
a shape-shifting alien Mantid.
And do you have even one
shred of proof that she is?
No, but she is at the top of my list.
List? Who else is on this list?
Well, I was.
But but I'm not anymore,
so you don't have to worry about that.
I think I do,
because in a very short time,
you have come all the way
from not believing in aliens
to thinking that you are one.
I
[TENSE MUSIC]
Mike, I love you,
but maybe that leave
of absence that you took
needed to be a little longer.
I don't
Let's just take some time
until you sort it out,
or or I do, or something.
♪
So that's it then?
I'm sorry.
♪
[SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Dr. Smallwood.
Dr. Vanderspeigle.
♪
Why did you call me in?
I don't have an appointment.
Oh, I just wanted to see
how you were feeling,
ask you a few questions.
It's just routine.
Number one, do you have
anyone who would miss you
or ask annoying questions
if you were dead?
- Doctor?
- Hmm.
- Can I speak to you?
- I am
- Now.
- Right in the
Really
[LIGHT MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[BELL JINGLES]
Let's go.
- Ok.
- Yeah.
Hey, there.
- Oh, hi. Hey.
- Oh, D'Arce, hey.
- Hi.
- Oh, my God, is this
The newest member
of the Hawthorne family.
Yeah, adopted you know, didn't tell.
Red tape, paperwork, lawyers
Am I right?
You know, sign here. Initial there.
Kate was a champ.
We're getting a pear tree.
But that's not related.
What's her name?
- Blanche Dubois.
- Well, we haven't decide
It's not that.
[BABY FUSSING]
Oh, she likes you.
I know, right?
Have you two met?
I mean, she's a baby.
Where would we have met? [LAUGHS]
Baby town?
Baby land city?
Uh, I've never been there, so
- You ok, D'Arce?
- Yeah, fine.
Just gotta get home.
I'm not feeling well.
I think it might be something
I ate, so I'm just going to
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Congratulations. Yeah.
Ok, did you see the way
the baby looked at her?
I told you she was on that ship.
Hmm.
She knows something.
Yeah.
Why did you write "DNR"
on the charts of all
of our senior patients?
Because I am looking
for someone to kill.
Oh.
My father will not
restore my alien energy
unless I prove that I can kill a human.
It's the only way
to get my alien energy back
and kill the Mantid.
So instead of being all
Mrs. Judgy-pants,
why don't you go in there
and scare Dr. Smallwood?
Maybe it'll make her heart stop.
She seems like she's
hanging on by a thread.
No killing,
especially not to please your dad.
God, I get it.
Trust me.
Because then you kill someone for him,
and you do your best at it,
and you're really good at it, you know?
And in the end, it doesn't matter,
because he still says,
"no one needs you here."
That road trip started normal,
but then it ran into a ditch.
No, just no killing.
It is never ok.
You killed that guy,
the man with the gun.
Shh.
That was to save you.
Oh.
So what you're saying is,
if someone tried to kill you,
I could kill them.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
I have a job for you.
She works at the clinic.
♪
My hero!
No.
And if you need
to hear me say the words,
do not hire someone to kill me.
Got it?
Loud and clear.
I can't and I won't hire
anyone to harm you.
I just need to find someone
who already hurt her
♪
And kill him.
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Humans are driven by choice.
Sometimes the choice is difficult,
like selecting a pizza topping,
unless one of the choices is anchovies.
Those are cat food.
Other times, the choice is easy,
like killing the man who hurt Asta.
I come home to that!
If he hurt Asta, he is
probably hurting other people.
So it is good for everyone if he dies.
I will be a hero,
and not like teachers and nurses.
I mean a real hero.
[GRUNTING]
♪
Ow!
Ow? That is not correct.
He is supposed to be dead.
On television, a hit
on the head is all it takes.
What other lies have I fallen for?
Harry?
And stay down!
I'm so sorry.
Let me help you up.
- Whoops.
- Ow, ooh.
[LINE RINGS]
[SIGHS]
Lena's not answering.
She hasn't picked up all day,
which only means one of two things.
Either she's mad at me,
or she's sitting on a pilates
machine, headless right now.
The first one, for a lot
of reasons, makes more sense.
Deputy, she does a lot of pilates,
so odds favor it happening there.
Odds favor that she just
might need time to cool off.
Cool off?
Deputy, I should be
the one cooling off.
Because she didn't believe me.
Do you any idea how bad
it feels to not be believed?
I could probably guess.
Yes, you could.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Deputy, I owe you an apology.
When you first told me
about all this alien stuff,
I didn't
I didn't listen.
And I should have listened.
And I didn't support you,
and I should have supported you.
♪
I'm truly sorry about that.
♪
Thank you, sir.
This whole case has been a lot, I know.
♪
I guess, for me,
admitting that
Jules actually is the Mantid
means the real Jules could be dead.
And I I didn't want to do that yet.
Yeah, I know.
And look, hell, I may be wrong.
Maybe maybe Jules isn't the Mantid.
You know, we just gotta
Just gotta be sure
before we can rule it out.
That makes sense.
So what's the plan?
The plan is, you're going
to set a little trap.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Oh.
♪
[GRUNTS] Easy.
All right, well, hold still,
'cause I'm good at stitching.
I am terrible at stitching.
His head looks like a child
playing doctor on a potato.
Do you want a stick to bite on?
I'm all right.
A couple of stitches is nothing.
When I was a kid,
my dad gave me 16 of 'em.
He was a doctor?
No, I'm saying he opened
a cut or two over the years.
He hurt you.
Only when he'd had a few.
Or sometimes when he hadn't.
I always thought
bad humans were born bad,
that it was in their DNA,
like hair color
or liking those plain house
salads that have no flavor.
But maybe it is the parent,
the first person a child trusts
who has the ability to mold that child
into who they will become.
Jimmy?
Asta.
Harry?
What's going on?
I tried to kill Jimmy, but I didn't,
so you can't be mad.
You what?
Oh, Jesus.
What's wrong?
Is it bad?
No, no, it looks good.
Harry's stitches look great.
Could you hold this?
It's sanitary.
What did I say about killing people?
I thought it would be ok
because he's bad.
Ok, I understand.
And believe me,
I have thought about it too.
But no.
Ok, just go. I will take care of this.
Yeah, but no lollipop for him.
How's Jay doing?
She's fine.
We don't need to talk.
Thanks for taking care of me.
Just doing my job.
Just like old times, right?
[LAUGHS]
Remember that time I had
to crawl through the window,
and I sliced my hand open?
[TENSE MUSIC]
You mean that time you broke the window
after losing your keys and blaming me?
♪
I know I screwed up.
You were the only
solid thing in my life.
♪
Everyone always left, but not you.
You could have left 1,000 times.
You probably should have.
But you always stayed.
♪
I said don't talk.
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
The eagle has just ordered drinks.
Deputy, you don't have
to narrate every move.
It's a sting operation, not your diary.
For the record, I'm the eagle.
You're the pigeon.
Negative, sir. Jules is the pigeon.
We're trapping her.
You think an eagle eats pigeons?
An eagle is a proud bird.
It eats king salmon,
maybe a nice muskrat.
Ok, now go catch
that muskrat in a lie
Thanks.
That proves she's not the real Jules.
I needed this.
Work has been crazy.
I rarely have time
for anything fun anymore.
Yeah, me too.
So, hey, I think I know someone
who trained with you at Quantico.
Remind me, who was
your training officer?
Gosh, there were so many.
Who's your friend?
I I don't know.
Tell her your friend's name
is Elvis Presley.
This drink is tasty.
Deputy, say Elvis Presley.
We're setting a trap for her.
You say Elvis Presley, and if she says
anything other than,
"he has the same name
as the king of rock and roll,"
then bam, she's an alien.
All right, look, say it just like this.
"Oh, I remember now.
My friend's name is
Elvis Aaron Presley."
Go ahead, do it.
It tastes like there's lemon in there.
[SIGHS]
What if we name her Lucy,
like Lucy in the sky,
because she's from the sky?
Ooh, how about Abducterina,
because she was abducted?
Then she'll always be
reminded of her trauma.
I like it when we're on the same page.
This isn't one of those times.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Um, honey?
Hmm?
Why is our son blackmailing
the town doctor?
♪
So where would I go?
Pardon?
So far today, two people have told me
I stay when I should leave.
So, ok, let's say
those two people are correct.
Where would I go?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, I wasn't telling you
what to do.
I mean, you make your own decisions.
If you decide to live
in Patience, great.
If you decide to, hell, I'd love it.
But if it's a choice,
that means knowing
what else is out there.
Besides the moon?
Besides that.
Remember when I was little,
and you had that huge bed?
I used to get so scared.
I'd crawl up into it, and I wanted
to lay right in the middle with you.
On me.
The rest was enormous.
You know, the edges were
really far away.
And beyond that was dark.
I liked it in the middle, dad.
It wasn't so scary.
[SOFT MUSIC]
You have this great talent
for making the best
of what life gives you.
But sometimes it makes you
accept whatever you have.
I mean, being scared of what's
out there past the bed is ok,
but just don't let it keep you
from taking that first step
off the mattress.
♪
Oh, don't talk.
- Just listen.
- What's wrong?
Already talking.
One thing about aa is
that I have to be honest.
Like, it is crucial for my sobriety.
But then I ran into
Ben and Kate on the street,
and I saw Daisy
for the first time in forever,
and I had to lie to them again,
like, right to their faces.
It was hard,
and I wanted a drink,
like, bad.
And I thought I had this
whole thing under control,
but it turns out I do not,
which maybe that's the point.
So I called my sponsor.
Honestly, this whole thing is weird,
and it's scary and hard.
But I have to be honest.
So now that the baby is safe,
I want to tell
Ben and Kate the truth
Like, all of it.
And I know you have
feelings about this.
So you can come with me if you want.
Or if you don't,
that's that's also fine.
♪
Let's go.
Ok.
♪
All right, you know what? Let's
Let's switch gears.
Um, ask her something
only the two of you would know,
something from your childhood.
Fifth grade.
What?
I was just thinking about it.
Ok.
What about it?
Us like, fond memories.
Like that time on the playground,
remember, on the swings?
I was crying, and you
came over to console me.
You remember what you said?
[INDISTINCT BLUES MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
"Don't worry.
No one saw you pee yourself"?
That time?
Oh, so you
You do remember.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, it's work.
I'm going to take this outside.
I'll be right back.
Ok.
♪
Jules is not the Mantid, sir.
No one but her would
remember that story.
You might not want to hear this,
but your profile said
the Mantid was someone
close to the investigation.
Deputy, don't finish that.
I don't want it to be Lena either,
and it probably isn't,
but you have to admit, it would fit.
[SIGHS]
[DOOR CLOSING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
There's only one way to find out.
♪
Eh.
[GRUNTING]
Father.
What, no corpse?
Nothing fun, like a severed head?
[CHUCKLES]
I take it you failed to kill a human.
I chose not to kill a human.
Hmm, you were always the weak one.
Now, your brother
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
Was the strong one.
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
You have got to be kidding me.
Well, he did everything I asked of him.
But if I'm being honest,
what I want from my son
is to kill this human.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GRUNTING]
♪
And if he doesn't, I will.
♪
When I was an alien, I
wanted to kill Max very badly.
I tried many times.
But it feels impossible now.
- [GRUNTING]
- Well?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You want me to kill this?
It's only half a human.
He's just scraps that you throw away.
Well, then it won't take long.
Kill him!
Only him.
Then you can be an alien again
and save all of humanity
from the Mantid.
♪
You're only struggling
with killing the boy
because you're human.
And once you become one of us again,
you won't care that he's dead.
♪
I'm sorry, Max.
♪
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
- Quiet.
- [CHUCKLING]
♪
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes!
♪
I don't want you to get goo in them.
Huh?
Oh!
[GROANS]
I hope I've made you proud, father.
- [GROANS]
- [HISSING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Ha-ha!
♪
[LAUGHING]
Ooh, look at that.
Ooh, I forgot how tall I was.
Ho-ho-ho!
Yeah, I'll let you know
first thing in the morning.
Agent Gardner.
How you doing?
I'm good, I'm good.
Thank you.
Sorry to hear you and Lena
are having some problems.
Yeah, that's
It's kind of what I wanted
to talk to you about.
Uh, have you noticed anything unusual
about Lena's behavior lately?
I know she was a little disappointed
the investigation was over.
I think she enjoyed the excitement.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Everything all right, sheriff?
Uh, yeah, every uh
[STAMMERING] Everything's good.
By gosh, I think he's got it.
So what are you doing now?
What do you what,
are you reading my mind, huh?
Get out of my head.
But it's so interesting up there.
I don't doubt that, but I need you
I need you to freeze.
Such a complicated mind,
not as linear and readable
as deputy dumb questions in there.
I said freeze, you
shape-shifting son of a bitch.
What are you going to do?
You going to shoot an FBI agent
right here on the street?
And then what?
Explain that it was a space alien?
I'll shoot.
No, you won't.
But I'll do it for you.
[GUNSHOT]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
You can't kill me.
But I can kill you.
I'd do it right now,
but a dead sheriff might cause a fuss.
So I'll just do it when
I kill the rest of the town.
♪
See you at the mining festival
tomorrow.
♪
I heard a gunshot. What happened?
♪
You had drinks with the damn Mantid,
that's what.
♪
You killed your own dad to save me.
And to get my alien energy back.
And to save me.
[SIGHS]
Yes.
Because even though you said
you are not my friend,
I am yours.
And this is what real friends
do for one another.
Sometimes they kill their own
fathers with a fireplace poker.
[SOFT MUSIC]
You're smiling.
Don't make it weird. What?
Ah! Oh.
[BABY FUSSING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What the [BLEEP]?
See, this is why you knock.
♪
sync & corrections awaqeded
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪