The Righteous Gemstones (2019) s04e07 Episode Script

1
[TV STATIC DRONES]
[BRIGHT TONE]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
[GRUNTING]
♪
- [CAR DOOR SLAMS]
- Nope! Nope.
We are not doing this
again, motherfucker.
It's not gonna happen.
Well, nice to see you too, Lori.
I've been working out.
Doing fine. How about you?
You are not my man
and have not been my
man for a long time.
So stop trying to chase off every person
that I get involved with.
Hold on, more trouble
with your love life?
Man, stay the fuck out of my life.
It's sad.
Yet here you are, just
in time to see me work out
and sweat with my shirt off.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I know why you're here.
That's a pass. This is disgusting.
[CHUCKLES]
Still, you can't seem to stay away.
Must be my animal
magnetism or something.
The next time anything
like this happens,
I'm calling the cops,
and that is a promise.
Don't come anywhere near me.
[DARK CHORAL MUSIC]
[CAR DOOR SLAMS, ENGINE TURNING OVER]
♪
Praise ♪
♪
Praise ♪
Kelvin?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Ahh-ah! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
It seems that all the
ladders and platforms
and even the pirate ship's
net have been removed,
so there's no way for
me to climb up to you.
This is what cowards do, Keefe.
They hide in their forts.
Respect my wishes.
Well, everyone at
Prism's pretty concerned.
Some fear that you are shook,
that you're not capable of carrying on
after the roundtable misstep.
That's wrong.
They're not concerned.
They're disappointed
because they realize
I'm not the brave leader
they thought I was.
I'm a total failure.
Bye.
Well, maybe if you come down,
it'll make them feel better.
Plus, tonight's the final event
of the Top Christ Following Man,
the Night of Testimonies.
I'm not going to win Top
Christ Following Man, Keefe.
I'm nothing.
Lucky I don't jump out of here
and break my freaking neck.
- I'd catch you.
- No, you wouldn't.
My will is stronger than
your strength, Keefe.
Go! Get out of here!
Fine.
[DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC]
♪
Thank you, Dr. Watson.
That's enough pretzels.
My mouth is getting very dry.
Oh, well, thank you, Dr. Watson.
I didn't even have to ring the bell.
[MONKEY CHATTERS]
I've started rewarding him
with prepackaged fajita meat.
Seems like Dr. Watson's
really working out, huh?
Judy, you have no idea.
His primate cognition is off the charts.
Mm, mm. [SMOOCHES]
I'm fairly certain his love language
is physical touch, so it's important
he gets wots of wub.
Mm.
[GIGGLES]
Oh, for real?
[GIGGLES]
Mm. [GIGGLES]
Stop.
Now, Teenjus, you damn skipped school.
You're out wandering the desert.
And the devil is tempting your ass
to turn these stones into
bread with your special powers.
And you hungry 'cause you been fasting.
So you tempted.
But you tell him off instead.
All right, let's go, now. Act good.
Man shall not live by bread alone
but by every word that comes
from the mouth of God, my dude.
Hey, hey, hey. Why
the fuck you mumbling?
You Teenjus.
Now, say it with authority, now.
- Come on, let's go.
- [CHILD WHIMPERS]
It's OK, I know.
Man shall not live by
br by bread alone but
Somebody come take these
damn kids off my knee.
Here, get over here. Here, here.
Go on back. Go on back.
Maybe he'll be your daddy.
Here, stay there with
them headphones on.
I guess I got to do
everything around here.
Everything!
Now if you can't deliver,
maybe it's time I play Teenjus myself.
Go on. Sit down!
- But you're not a teen.
- Yeah?
Well, you ain't really
the devil, ding-a-ling.
It's called acting, dear boy.
It's a cinch.
Sorry we're late.
Sola and I got caught in traffic.
Y'all are real late!
Why don't you get a fucking Swatch
or whatever they sell
in your goddamn country?
I got too many spinning plates
to be stuck here babysitting.
Hmm, babysitting? They're your kids.
Yes, which is why I pay dummy over there
good money to watch them while I work.
Now, I'm busy. You know this.
Well, it just it
seems like everything else
is more important than us.
You everybody take five!
Come over here.
Now, what you doing this for?
Don't you know how much I got going on?
Yeah, I know.
I just I worry about
you working too much.
We we don't need any more money.
I'm used to having none at all,
so we got plenty enough for me.
Well, we don't have enough for me.
Now, I been on this
stardom train before.
And you got to get it while you can
before it all dries up.
Is that all that matters to you?
As a matter of fact, my
job is very important to me
in this moment.
Now, stop being difficult,
and take these kids
to go get some ice cream.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
I ain't trying to fight with you.
I love you.
I love you too, Baby Billy.
Let me just get my paper
straight once and for all.
And then we'll have enough.
♪
Maybe.
♪
Everybody back to one!
Got the party super litty ♪
I done drunk a fifth of Henny ♪
Got the bitches getting naked ♪
Want me to motorboat some titties ♪
Got the party super litty ♪
Done drunk a fifth of Henny ♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
Yo, what the hell are you doing?
I almost killed you.
[AEROSOL SPRAYING]
I can't feel my feet.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey! Whoop, whoop!
Pontius, the fuck are you doing?
What is that, Pontius?
Is that air duster spray?
Getting dust off our boards.
[MOCKINGLY] "Getting
dust off our boards."
You're doing drugs, Pontius.
Frying your fucking
brain doing inhalants.
Give me that shit right now, dumbass.
Fucking inhalants, really?
God, what's next, buddy,
smoking banana peels,
doing fucking ketamines?
I've had enough of this shit.
You're gonna get your act
in order, buddy, or I will.
And your little fucking burnout friends
have no business skating and
grinding in a place of worship!
Seriously, Pont, y'all are doing
this right outside the church?
- [MOCKINGLY]
- Ooh, the church.
[LAUGHTER] What happened to you, man?
You used to be cool.
Now you're like them
a sellout.
Bite me, church boy.
Hey, what the fuck is wrong
with being a church boy?
Your old man's a church boy.
Exactly.
That's how you're
gonna end up, Gideon
just like Dad.
[LAUGHTER]
That's a nightmare, bro.
You know what?
I'm trying to do the
right thing, Pontius.
Maybe you should too.
Look how they cut your balls off.
You think you're a preacher?
You ain't even good at it.
You suck.
Nice penny loafers, bro.
Those are nice penny loafers.
Cut your balls off, how about that?
Jam them into your friends' mouths!
Fucking dickheads.
God damn it, I hate Pontius so much.
- I know.
- Kelvin was right.
My sons don't respect me.
They think I'm a joke.
Baby, no, that stop.
It's just a teenage thing.
No, it's not.
It's a me thing.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
I didn't just graduate from AFI.;
I'm a director.
You cut my "Teenjus" budget by 29%.
I can't make this show
epic on a shoestring.
You got me shooting at a cement
factory out in Goose Creek.
We should be shooting this
motherfucker internationally.
We should be in Jordan right
now in some Muslim tombs
doing this shit for real, now.
I wrote this fucker to be big.
This is "Teenjus"!
Yeah, we know what
the name of it is, OK?
You've told us over and over again.
What I don't understand is why
the fuck it needs a big budget.
It's a teen show.
It ain't no just teen show.
I'ma play Teenjus myself now.
Wait, hang on.
How's a 100-year-old gonna play a teen?
Well, ain't nobody 100.
I ain't paying for this shit.
The fuck you ain't!
Now, I need some fresh
cash for reshoots.
I'm thinking 2 mil.
- [SPLUTTERS]
- [LAUGHS]
2 million?
Man, Uncle Baby, get the fuck
out of here with that shit.
Where's Kelvin?
I can usually talk some sense into him.
Fuck that little cocky baby.
- Yeah.
- That's right.
They picked the wrong Gemstone
to be Top Christ Following Man, sadly.
They sure did. Should have been me.
They ain't fucking with you.
You ain't Top Christ nothing.
Stop all this infighting shit.
I need some good mojo in this family.
Now, on top of the 2 mil,
I'm also gonna need some cocaine.
- Cocaine?
- Fuck is happening right now?
Yes, I got a lot on my plate.
I need some gas to keep
things cooking, now.
You are too old to be
fucking with cocaine.
That shit will kill you.
It might kill you,
how fat your trunk is.
But it ain't gonna kill me.
Come on, I ain't asking
for the world here.
I'm just asking for a
eight-ball and $2 million.
Won't somebody in this family think
about somebody else for once?
What would your mama think?
About us not getting you cocaine?
Don't you be sassing me, boy.
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
Over here battling your
daddy, hating on your brother.
You won't even help out your
sweet old Uncle Baby Billy.
You supposed to be a family.
- [SAUNTERING MUSIC]
- [WHISTLING]
♪
Start acting like one!
God.
Is he on cocaine right now?
Yes, dude.
♪
[SNAKE HISSING]
[ALLIGATORS SNARLING]
Thank you for coming!
Welcome to the Milsap Family Gator Farm.
My name's Cobb.
I'm gonna introduce you to my favorite,
favorite partner in crime, Big Gus.
And when I ring this here bell,
it means chow time for Big Gus.
And it's about dinnertime right now.
- [BELL RINGING]
- Get your cameras out.
Hold on to the little ones.
Gators are fierce predators, y'all.
You tread on their territory,
and God forbid you come too close
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
He'll bite you.
♪
He will bite you real bad.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[ALLIGATOR GROWLS]
Get it, Gus.
[APPLAUSE]
[SIGHS]
Thank you for visiting
Milsap Gator Park.
- Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES]
Thanks, Daddy.
Hello, Cobb.
Long time.
I thought that was you.
But the shades and the hat made me think
you didn't want to be bothered.
I know how you big-shot
celebrities can be.
I'm not gonna beat
around the bush, Cobb.
No more giving Lori any trouble.
Do you understand?
Actually, I don't understand. Trouble?
Really cute. Look, Lori's with me now.
We don't give a damn how you feel.
Ooh-hoo, ooh, ooh.
Oh, my, my, my, my.
Why don't you ask your
girlfriend how many men
she's been with since our divorce?
[TENSE MUSIC]
You know what?
I wonder what Aimee-Leigh would think,
her best friend.
You know what surprises
me about you, though?
I just figured you loved
your dead wife more than that.
[GRUNTS]
I think I still owe
you a punch in the nose.
Now, you back your ass off!
Lori tell you what she
was doing in Pigeon Forge?
Unfortunately, I found
out through some friends
who live out that way.
Sick, nasty stuff.
Take a peek.
♪
She's an escort, turning tricks.
You are just her latest
meal ticket, my friend.
Watch that temper, Eli.
If you ain't buying nothing,
I'm gonna have to excuse myself, OK?
My next show starts real soon.
I'm the star.
♪
Good reading.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
♪
Ugh!
A fajita meat?
[SCOFFS]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪
[SCOFFS]
♪
What the fuck is happening?
Damn it!
[MONKEY CHATTERS]
♪
You throw that fajita meat at me?
Hey, Dr. Watson, I'm talking to you.
♪
[MONKEY CHATTERS, ITEM THUDS]
Hey, you're gonna break the powder.
[MONKEY HISSES]
[MONKEY GROWLS]
Bad monkey!
Nasty Dr. Watson!
[BELL RINGING]
♪
God, Beej, you're washing his asshole?
Who's the service animal, you or him?
We both help each other.
YouTube says to dab it
with a wet washcloth.
Capuchins have a problem
with anal leakage.
BJ [SCOFFS]
Being a caregiver, that's not
something that comes easy for me.
I'm not a service animal,
but I have been here for you.
And I just feel like
I don't know, I feel
like this damn monkey's
getting all the credit.
Baby, it's not a competition.
Tell that to this little fuck face.
He's trying to maddog me right now.
I see you eyeballing me, OK?
Looking at me like a
jealous bitch with no tits.
[MONKEY SQUEALS]
What has gotten into you?
Just all of it, OK?
You, the monkey, my fucking
daddy, dumbass Kelvin.
Have you talked with Kelvin?
No, I have not.
Me and Jesse are, like,
totally over him right now.
We're sick of him.
He's bratting off like he
used to when he was little.
Poor guy.
Vance Simkins is a self-righteous
bigot and a homophobe.
You should check on Kelvin.
OK, I'm not interested, so thanks a lot.
Dr. Watson thinks you should too.
Well, then I'm especially not going to.
OK, Dr. Watson, I'm not
doing what you fucking say.
[MONKEY SQUEALS]
I must tell you, I was there.
I was nervous [CHUCKLES]
Like a long-tailed cat in a
room full of rocking chairs.
[LAUGHTER]
Jesse, how's your brother doing?
Huh. How's your face doing?
You want to keep it?
[CHUCKLES] Getting rid of Kelvin
gives me a clear path to victory
for Top Christ Following Man.
He's my only real competition.
Plus, I love knowing me
hurting him also hurts you.
It's honestly delicious.
Well, that's where you're wrong.
I'm currently fighting with my baby bro,
so I no longer love him.
So you embarrassing him,
it actually helped me.
- Thanks.
- [CHUCKLES]
Well, you can tell your baby bro
that I'm gonna ruthlessly dismantle him
at the final Top Christ
Following Man proceedings.
That's if he even has the nards to show.
Mmm.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Tasty.
Gentlemen.
♪
So I know I talked about
a lot of stuff today.
A lot of stuff.
But it is like my granddad says:
best to make your
sermons about one thing.
I don't know why I didn't do that.
To sum it all up, love one another.
Bible talks a lot about that.
Let's do it. That
feels like a slam dunk.
Let's do it.
I'm good if you guys are good.
You guys can keep hanging,
or you can go, but it's over.
What the fuck?
God bless.
God bless you as well.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Your speaking voice was more
clear than it has been before.
And that is a good thing.
Yeah, I thought your sermon was, like,
a little pedestrian, kind of boring.
Love one another?
It's, like, almost, like,
one of the most basic
kind of sermons you can give.
But hey, that's just coming from me,
someone you don't see
as a mentor figure.
So take what you will.
Yeah.
Baby, what's going on
with you and Pontius?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe he's just unhappy, I guess.
I mean, he was kicked out of school.
He's living at home.
Probably feels like a loser.
Well, he is a loser.
Jesse.
I tried being nice with
him for a long time.
Now it's like, I just
I sort of keep my distance.
Yeah, well, as much as
Pontius is an asshole
[SIGHS] You guys are brothers,
so you need to get along.
And as firstborn, it
is your responsibility
to keep the peace so I don't
have to hear your mom bitch.
And because it's not
very healthy to fight
with your family.
Guys, I try to make it work,
but, man, he's just a prick.
He says the worst stuff to
me, the most awful things.
Your brother knows
you well enough to know
what's gonna hurt you.
Well, that's the thing that
sucks about having siblings.
They know all your
weaknesses and can fuck you
right in the asshole with them.
Look at all the venom that
Kelvin constantly spits at me.
Kelvin's going through
a lot right now, baby.
He doesn't mean anything
that he's saying to you.
Sweetheart, lovums, this is
not about my shitty sibling.
This is about Gideon's
shitty sibling, OK?
Let's keep it focused.
Oh, well, maybe you could teach Gideon
how to be a good brother.
You know, like maybe
a mentor figure would.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
Mm.
♪
I see what you did there, so
[SCOFFS]
[SIGHS]
♪
Kelvin?
It's me.
[WHISTLES] Kelvin?
It's me, big bro-bro.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
What the hell are you doing here?
Me? I'm merely shitting.
You came all the way to
Kelvin's house to take a shit?
Yeah, dude.
I was driving near here,
and I started turtle-heading.
- Mm-hmm.
- Pfft, what you want me to do?
I'm not gonna go shit in the
woods like an animal, Jesse.
What are you doing here?
Came by to check in on him.
OK, dude. Real talk?
Me too.
I didn't have to shit
till I ate all his figs.
I can't stop thinking about
how scared he looked on TV.
Just clammed the fuck up.
Couldn't even do that little
annoying eye-roll thing
he does.
I know he can be a
smart-alecky little bitch
Little fuck face of a boy.
Totally, but [SIGHS]
Kelvin's one of us, man.
Mm.
Pshoo.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
Mm, that I could be gay too?
No, I was thinking that
maybe we should help Kelvin.
Ah, Jesus!
My word, family visitors.
[DARK CHORAL MUSIC]
Where's our brother?
Let me show you.
Kelvin lives here now.
Kelvin.
I've tried for days.
There's no way to get up there.
Hang on, homey. You tried for days?
Mm-hmm.
I failed him.
I promised I wouldn't
let anything bad happen,
and it did.
I trained my body for physical defenses.
But I neglected to learn anything
about roundtable discussions,
the most dangerous threat of them all.
Is there really no way up there?
Uh-uh. No.
I think I might know a way.
Suck my dick ♪
Suck my motherfucking dick ♪
Suck my dick ♪
Suck my motherfucking dick ♪
Suck my dick ♪
Suck my motherfucking dick ♪
Suck my dick ♪
Suck my motherfucking dick ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Suck, suck, suck ♪
Suck my motherfucking dick ♪
Suck my dick ♪
Suck my motherfucking dick ♪
Here. Turn that off, will you?
Yeah.
[MUSIC STOPS]
What do you want, Gideon?
What's up, fellas?
Hey, how's it going?
'Sup? 'Sup?
Well, I came to ask
if you guys would like
to join my prayer group.
[LAUGHTER]
Boy, we sure could use some young blood.
Fuck off, Gideon.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, hey, have you considered
you may have it wrong?
Maybe there's cool parts about church
many cool parts that you just don't see.
[BABBLES MOCKINGLY]
- [LAUGHTER]
- I'll tell you what.
If you guys join me for one Sunday,
just one, OK, I bet for fact
you'll want to be back
the next Sunday too.
You're being cheugy, bro.
Go back to Sunday
school and start sucking
Daddy's dick some more.
- [GAGGING]
- [BABBLING]
[LAUGHTER]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Kick rocks, kid.
- Daddy's boy.
- Hey, Gideon. [LAUGHS]
Oh, we're in trouble.
Oh, oh.
If I had to make this
sermon about one thing,
I guess it'd be that
looks can be deceiving.
[SCOFFS]
Skateboard.
Don't embarrass yourself.
Pontius.
Skateboard.
What the fuck you gonna do with that?
[MOCKINGLY] "What you gonna do with"
- Whoa!
- He touched you, bro.
♪
This is where he eats shit.
No way.
♪
[SIGHS]
♪
[INTENSE CHORAL MUSIC]
♪
- Oh!
- Hell yeah, man!
♪
Whoa!
♪
[THUD ECHOES]
[SKATERS CHEERING]
God has a whole lot more
to offer than meets the eye.
Come by Sundays at 10:00.
That's what's up.
That's what's up.
Fucking sick.
- Thanks, Ash.
- Of course, man.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ENGINES WHIRRING]
Ding-dong, bitch!
You gonna invite us in?
[EXCITING MUSIC]
Motherfucker thinks he can hide from us.
Whoo-hoo! Whoa, shit!
Fuck! Stop it!
- Aw, shit! I got the
- Come down!
[POWER WHIRS DOWN]
Fuck.
Take your sweet time.
Kelvin, what the fuck
are you doing up here?
Hiding away in my tower,
safe from all the evils
of the cruel world.
You were right, Jesse.
I am a token, nomination
just to check a box.
So, what, you're just gonna quit,
let Simkins win?
I'm a failure, Jesse.
How am I supposed to go face the other
Top Christ Following Men?
How am I even supposed
to go back to Prism?
I'm not a brave, strong leader.
I'm a I'm a coward.
Yes, Kelvin, you are a coward.
- Bitch!
- Let me tell you something.
You're a mean coward.
Next time they come for
you, dude, clap back.
You are so witty, man.
And you are extremely good at rips.
That is so true.
You can rip with the best of them.
That's why you got to pick yourself up,
dust yourself off, and get
your ass back in the game.
You want to prove yourself?
You shove it right back
in Vance Simkins' face.
You really think I deserve to
be Top Christ Following Man?
I can go toe to toe with him?
We know you can.
You have to, regardless of
whether you deserve it or not.
Yeah, but you think I deserve to, right?
Regardless, you have to win this year.
[GRUNTS]
We just put in that door, Keefe.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Darling, why ain't you eating?
I talked to Cobb.
What did he have to say? [CHUCKLES]
I'm sure all kinds of stuff about me.
He did, some things I
wanted to ask myself.
- Mm.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Most obviously about the escort service
in Pigeon Forge.
Oh, fucking Cobb.
[SIGHS]
He showed me the ad.
Hm, yeah, Pigeon Forge is really big
on the 65-year-old hookers.
They just cannot get enough.
Eli, he faked those
ads to try to smear me
or embarrass me or, I
who knows?
But hey, worked on the last guy too.
So you really think I would do that?
Look, I know you got money problems.
I ran a credit check.
I guess you really are something.
Well, are you not broke?
You did declare bankruptcy last year.
Have I ever asked you for one cent?
You know, Aimee-Leigh used to tell me
how much money mattered to you,
and I thought she was exaggerating.
You're crossing a line.
I think you crossed it first,
literally calling me a whore.
Maybe I wanted something so bad,
I couldn't see straight.
Yeah, well, that's funny, because
I am having the exact
same goddamn realization.
There you go.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Just a [CLICKS TONGUE]
After I win, I'll throw you a wink.
So apparently, we are down
a man, Kelvin Gemstone.
[SCOFFS]
He's probably in a pink
robe, hiding in his mansion.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Not so fast.
Tough luck, motherfuckers ♪
Tough luck, motherfuckers ♪
How could I miss the
big reveal of the TCFM?
They might call my name.
Oh, they are definitely
gonna call his name.
Not a chance.
This honor recognizes
the ideal Christian man.
Is Little Brother
Gemstone even a man at all?
Vance, how 'bout I slap the
skin off your fucking face?
Jesse, it's OK.
I can answer the question.
Vance, I'm man enough to
already have my makeup applied
so I can jockey for
center position onstage.
[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]
- You just need a hug.
- Get out of here!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Good evening,
and welcome to the final night
of the Top Christ Following Man,
where the winner will be
crowned and named our top man.
This is the Night of Testimony!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Testimony is crucial
to defining a pastor.
What brought them to Christ?
A testament to who these
top Christian men truly are.
And these men tonight will be voted upon
by a panel of international judges
and by you at home.
Just call or text the above number
to place your vote for your favorite.
Fees will be applied.
[APPLAUSE]
♪
At that moment, in that bathtub
with alcohol and Valium
filling my veins
And I pulled myself
from the twisted wreckage of that van.
Everyone else inside: dead on impact
Both my parents died
in that plane crash.
And the moment it happened,
the Lord came to me and said,
Vance, you and your
siblings, led by you,
will build an empire that honors me.
'Me' is Jesus.
But not one scratch, scrape,
or drop of blood on me.
And we did it as a family
I knew right then and
there my path was set.
A multiracial family, no less
That's when I knew
I was to be His servant.
Multiracial.
God bless to you all.
God bless to your families.
I have been blessed by God.
God had chosen me
May God bless you.
To be the Top Christ Following Man.
And God bless to the Top
Christ Following Man families.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
A fascinating and touching testimony.
It is all about family.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
And now on to our next
Top Christ Following Man.
Kelvin Gemstone, it's time to testify.
[FOOTSTEPS ECHOING]
Truth.
You see, that's actually what
I want to talk about tonight.
See, I was the youngest
member of my family to become
a preacher at age 12.
They said I was special,
but I just felt different.
I spent my whole life trying not to be.
Until I realized
God sees the real me.
In fact, he made the real me.
And if the real me is
good enough for God,
then it's good enough for everyone.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Different is awesome,
the proof of God's work, the
the range of his talents.
So I came here tonight
not to grovel for accolades
but to tell the truth about
who I am and what I'm about.
[DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC]
My name is Kelvin Gemstone.
And I'm a a different kind of man.
♪
A beautiful man.
♪
A gay Top Christ Following Man.
And if that's not good
enough for this award,
then I don't need it.
[AUDIENCE MURMURING]
Uh
[SOMBER MUSIC]
He's walking off.
Yeah, he's just going, dude.
He's walking off.
Phone lines are still open.
♪
Shit, Kelvin, you just walked
right the fuck offstage.
Huge brass balls to do that
but not really part of the plan.
Now Chuckle Fuck's definitely gonna win.
It doesn't matter, Jesse.
It's a pointless award, like you said.
Well, yeah, that was when
I didn't get nominated.
But you're this close, man.
Hey, Mr. Gemstone.
Yes?
No, sorry, the other Mr. Gemstone.
Mr. Kelvin, if you could,
we need you back inside.
I think you
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- Won.
[GASPS]
Oh, my
[THE REDWALLS' "COLORFUL REVOLUTION"]
And this year's Top
Christ Following Man is
Kelvin Gemstone!
A sad little boy sat on a
soapbox in Market Square ♪
♪
He'd given words for free
to all the people there ♪
♪
And though the song is the same ♪
Doesn't matter who plays ♪
It's all right ♪
♪
We were singing ♪
Step right up for a
colorful revolution ♪
♪
Now a bridge is the word
for the war getting underway ♪
♪
But you can't if you won't ♪
And you could, but
you don't want to stay ♪
Hey ♪
And the American mind in its prime ♪
Has got nothing to say ♪
♪
Yeah, but it's your American right ♪
To throw your vote away ♪
♪
And we be singing ♪
Step right up for a
colorful revolution ♪
♪
Step right up ♪
It's the sound of the institution ♪
♪
Yeah, oh, no, no words you know ♪
You know nothing today ♪
Hey ♪
But when it comes to get you ♪
Then what will you say ♪
I wish the night was young ♪
Hey ♪
Step right up for a
colorful revolution ♪
♪
[BRIGHT TONE]