Ted Lasso (2020) s04e08 Episode Script

1
[CROWD CHEERING]
[LOWE] What an exciting
match this has been so far.
Richmond have been strong throughout.
But, oh! Portsmouth have a breakaway!
And now the pressure is
on the Richmond rear guard.
[PANTING]
[SIOBHAN GRUNTING]
That is brilliant defending
from the Harrigan twins.
["LIGHT OF DAY" PLAYING]
-
- You've gotta be fucking kidding me!
Use your fucking eyes!
- Right, that's enough. No.
- For fuck's sake!
- You need to fucking retire. Shite!
- Off you go. Off.
[LOWE] Well, correct or not,
it's a penalty for Sunderland
- deep into injury time.
- [REFEREE] You okay, keeper?
[LOWE] This will certainly be
the final kick of the match.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Roker steps up and
Saved by Quinn. But, hang on!
The ball's still in play!
[PLAYER] Press, press!
[LOWE] Davis with a risky clearance,
but she prevents the corner,
- and there is the final whistle.
- [BOTH SCREAMING]
[LOWE] And you have to say, that
was brilliant from the captain.
- [SONG CONTINUES]
-
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
-
[LOWE] El Sherif finds Song.
Oh, that is a lovely give-and-go
as El Sherif shoots and scores.
[CHEERING, WHOOPING]
I hear there's a new
sheriff in town, huh?
Nice.
[MUSIC ENDS]
[LOWE] Gemma Jay with her
second goal of the game
to put Richmond up 3-nil over Charlton.
Attagirl! [WHOOPS]
[CHEERING]
[LOWE] Gemma Jay isn't
just fast as lightning.
She's the top scorer in the league,
and she is putting on a show, Jill.
[JILL] And not just some
flash in the pan show,
like The Mouse Trap, or Gogglebox.
She's making something that will endure.
The pyramids, Mozart,
institutional racism,
the carabiner, the letter J,
as in Gemma Jay, who's
a Gemma joy to watch.
Way to stick that landing, Jill.
Got to admit lost track a
little bit in the middle.
We take Gemma out,
rest her for next game?
Yeah, no, it makes sense to me. Coach?
- Mmm.
- Yep?
Liza!
[TED CHUCKLES]
Hey, that better not be for me.
Oh, the lady doth protest, methinks.
- What do you say, Coach?
- I defer.
Coach?
Nah, leave her in. Let
her go for a hat trick.
You big old softy.
Uh, sorry, Liza.
- False alarm. Stay ready.
- Yeah, stay ready. We got you.
Get them pants up. Here we go.
Here we go, Greyhounds!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTS, GROANS]
[PERSON EXCLAIMS]
- [GRUNTS]
- [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, fuck.
It's all right.
- You all right, Gem?
- Yeah, hold still.
- Knee? Knee? Yeah, come. Come, come. Now.
- Yeah.
It's all right, just breathe.
Just breathe, just breathe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[MUFFLED CHATTERING]
[DISTORTED] Gemma.
Did your knee give way?
All right, focus on me,
darling. Focus on me.
Okay, we're gonna straighten it a bit.
Okay?
Right. And towards you.
All the way. All the way. That's it.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
Any update on Gemma's knee?
Uh, well, it depends.
There are three different
grades of possible injury.
Grade one is a sprained ligament where
she'll be out for only
six to eight weeks,
but grades two and three
both require surgery
and could have her out for a full year.
Oh. Then it's bye-bye promotion
and hello Higgins Report Multiverse.
Am I right?
Or, yeah. We'll wait and
see, you know. [MUTTERS]
Yeah, I mean, we only got another
day until the swelling goes down.
Then we go and get an
MRI on her ACL, PDQ.
But, uh, apparently the ETA
of that scan is still TBD FYI,
even though we've asked Dr.
Strudwick to see Gemma ASAP PP.
- As soon as possible, pretty please.
- Oh.
And why can't Strudwick
see Gemma tomorrow?
- Uh
- I mean, if she was the star player
on the men's team, obviously he would.
[STAMMERS] That is the assumption.
I'll call the doctor personally.
I can help with that.
Perfect. And don't worry.
I sent Gemma the most beautiful
gift basket this morning.
- That's good.
- Hmm.
And I think I should stick around here
for the rest of the day, just in case.
I don't wanna go to Chelsea.
I don't want to go to ♪
Oh, we do not need Elvis
Costello, thank you.
Well, what's in Chelsea,
besides my interior designer,
my dry cleaner, and my lover?
Roy is being added to
their wall of legends today.
Oh.
I've been doing my best to
avoid him since New Year's,
not in a mean way, just out
of self-preservation, really.
But now I have to spend
the afternoon doing
something with him that
he doesn't wanna do.
So are we sure that Gemma
doesn't need my help at all today?
Uh, no, she's gone to her
parents' house in Belsize Park.
- Ooh, that's a lovely part of town.
- Hmm.
Yeah, I think she just needs
a little space right now.
And we gonna give it to her.
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- [SIGHS]
Hello. Oh! You must
be the new landscaper.
I'll meet you round the back.
Uh, oh, no. No, sorry, I'm-I'm Alice.
I'm here to see Gemma.
[CHUCKLING] I'm so
sorry. Please come in.
[CHUCKLES, SIGHS]
How nice for Gemma to
have a friend stop by.
Oh, I'm-I'm not her
friend. I'm her coach.
Oh, well, still.
Uh, sorry, should I take off my shoes?
No, it's fine.
Oh, and please forgive the
state of the crown moldings.
Our contractor is still
on paternity leave.
Seems a bit strange seeing
as he sets his own hours.
But, you know, good for him.
Gemma, love, look who's here.
Hello.
I thought she'd come to trim our
shrubs. Isn't that funny? [CHUCKLES]
Do you wanna get Alice
a cup of tea, Mum?
Oh, yes, and now, let me guess.
- Peppermint, chamomile, ginger turmeric.
- Mum?
- Oh. I'll figure you out. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]
How are you doing?
Oh, I'm-I'm living the dream.
Yeah. I mean, I knew
you were rich, but
I'm not rich. My parents are.
I don't care about any of this stuff.
Oh, okay.
Do you wanna sit?
Yeah.
- Oh, no, not there. That's antique.
- [EXCLAIMS]
Fucking with you. It's just a chair.
Fucking hell.
[SIGHS]
Nice gift basket.
Someone likes you.
Yeah, they're from Miss Welton.
Oh, that's thoughtful.
Sure, I mean, I'm deathly
allergic to tree nuts,
but apart from that, thoughtful.
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
What's up?
Right, yeah.
Uh, I just wanted to say, um,
once you get your MRI back,
we can start drawing
up a a rehab plan.
I think you'll be out for just a
few weeks, if it's just a strain,
obviously a bit longer if it's
anything else, but you'll bounce back.
And I'll be here to
help in any way you want.
If-If you want, obviously.
Alice, thank you.
Really,
- but
- Now, I took you for a peppermint girl.
Oh, yeah. Spot on.
Uh, listen. Once Caroline sees
your scans, we can figure out the
Alice.
I'm not sure that football is my thing
in the same way that it's your thing.
Gemma's just been
offered a very prestigious
internship at McMillan and Parkes.
You got it?
Okay, good.
Congratulations, you said
you were gonna do both.
Well, that was before I got hurt.
Like, if I work my arse off at
this thing, in a year's time,
I could have a really good job
and be on really good money.
I'd be set.
You know, or I could spend the
next year learning how to run again.
You see, Alice, Gemma's father
- was a footballer and
- Mum.
So you're just gonna quit again?
[SIGHS]
I'm so sorry. I, uh
I have to go, actually.
Um, thank you for that.
That was delicious.
I wasn't a peppermint person,
but actually maybe I am now.
Thank you. Bye.
[DOOR OPENS]
- Oh, bloody hell.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
She's a green tea girl, isn't
she? Huh. [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
[SIGHING]
-
- [ROY SIGHS]
- [KNOCKING]
- Hey, Roy.
Just wanna say congrats on that whole
legends thing over there at Chelsea.
Oh, thanks. I mean, they're making
me write a whole fucking speech.
It's basically unpaid labor, innit?
Whatever you say, Norma Rae,
I bet it goes gangbusters.
And if anything goes wrong, you
know, Keeley's always got your back.
[GROANS] Fucking Keeley.
Oh. If I had a lower
bar, I'd make a whole
"that should be the title
of your autobiography" joke.
But I ain't gonna do it.
- That woman.
- Hmm.
Drives me nuts.
Mm-hmm. Well.
I fucking love her.
I'm pretty sure we're
meant to be together.
I mean, it seems fucking
obvious, don't it?
Have you told her any of that?
No. I mean, not yet.
Obviously I will, of course.
I'm just waiting for the right moment.
Sure, I get it.
When is the right moment?
[CHUCKLES]
That reminds me of this joke
my dad would make whenever
someone would ask him,
"Hey, where's the bathroom?"
He'd always say, "Wherever you go."
Oi, did you cancel the car service?
- Yeah.
- Well, why?
'Cause drivers ask too
many fucking questions.
"How are you? Where are you going?"
It's none of your fucking business.
Plus, I might wanna leave early, anyway.
What is wrong with you?
You realize Chelsea agreed to
rearrange this entire ceremony
to a Monday afternoon,
for your schedule.
And you're acting like it's
a big inconvenience for you.
- 'Cause it is.
- Roy.
There are people here
who actually want my help.
So if you don't wanna
go, let's not bother.
I'm fucking going, aren't I?
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
I've got my suit and everything.
Okay, so I should go get dressed?
- You should go and put your dress on.
- Show on the road.
Okay, I'm gonna actually
choose to believe you,
and we're gonna have fun, aren't we?
- So fun.
- Great. Fantastic.
- [KEELEY GROANS]
- [TED WHISTLES, CHUCKLES]
You know, to answer
your earlier question?
Now might not be the right moment.
Mm-hmm. [GRUNTS]
Ooh! No! [GRUNTS]
[DR. STRUDWICK] I'm sorry, Miss Welton,
but the earliest I can
get your girl in is Friday,
- uh, which is perfect.
- [SCOFFS]
It'll give time for
the swelling to go down.
[REBECCA] Forgive me, Dr. Strudwick,
but you haven't even seen Gemma yet.
She may already be
sufficiently unswelled.
Your concern for Miss
Jay's welfare is refreshing.
And I look forward to seeing
her on Friday afternoon.
[SOFTLY] Gone.
I see. Well, that gives me four
days to find us a new doctor.
Not only for the women's team,
but for the men's team as well.
- Oh.
- I'll have Leslie Higgins reach out
to terminate your contract.
Uh, hold on, Rebecca. I don't
think that will be necessary.
If our business is done,
let's just call it here.
No need to go through all the ceremony
of contracts and all that nonsense.
I'm sorry, what's happening now?
I'm pretty busy these days, and
when I first took on Richmond,
it was just one team.
You're actually doing me a favor.
So, thank you, and have a wonderful day.
- [LINE DISCONNECTS]
- Wow.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [SCOFFS]
That guy's a world-class prick,
- and I couldn't be more attracted to him.
- [SCOFFS]
Now, can we talk real
about life without Gemma?
Now that we don't have the
sensitive souls in the room.
Gemma was your star.
- Was?
- Hey,
you brought me on to see things
from a different perspective, right?
I mean, Gemma was great, but
she can't help you anymore.
- But that Yes?
- Sorry to interrupt, um,
but I was just prepping for
our next shareholders meeting.
- Mm-hmm.
- Nerd.
[CHUCKLES] No, I'm only joking.
Yeah. And it would seem
that over the past few weeks,
a number of our supporters have been
selling their shares in the club.
- Why?
- I don't know,
but if you like, I can
do a bit of digging.
- Please do.
- Okay.
Let me know if you
need any help with that
'cause I've got some people who
just love to wade through the slime.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Uh
[COACH BEARD] Okay, here's
what we're looking at.
We have no direct replacement for Gemma.
Resha's better with
someone in front of her.
Margy's an out-of-the-box solution or,
you know, Shannon's working her
tail off, but she's not ready.
[SIGHS]
That's what we got to figure out.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Hold on a sec. Did we
get some new players?
No.
Well, then, who the heck
are Nee-ahm and Cinnabon?
- That's Niamh and Siobhan.
- That's how they spell their names?
It's Irish.
Yeah, I mean, why not spell
it like normal Irish folks do?
You know, like Bono,
B-O-N-O or The Edge.
D-A-E-D-G-E.
- Go talk to them about it.
- [SCOFFS]
Is anyone even here yet?
Sure is quiet in there.
[COACH BEARD] Well, they're
probably worried about Gemma.
Hmm.
You know what? Maybe we should
just cancel practice for the day.
No.
No, it's better to just keep going.
We just have to figure out
how to adjust without Gemma.
Yeah, you're right. You're right.
Niamh and Siobhan. There ain't no Vs?
Because I'm hearing a
lot of Vs when I say it.
[COACH BEARD] Well, wait to see
how Saoirse Ronan spells her name.
- [TED] S-I-R
- [COACH BEARD] I'ma stop you right there.
[MUTTERING] Chelsea.
[CHUCKLES]
Crikey, Moses, look at you.
Uh, hello?
Yeah, is that Human Resources?
Yeah, I'd like to report myself, please,
for having impure thoughts. [CHUCKLES]
All right, cheers.
- You're not going to a funeral, are you?
- No.
Oh, thank God for that,
'cause I tell you what
[LAUGHS]
If you were, the corpse wouldn't be
the only thing that's getting stiff.
- [LAUGHING, MUTTERS]
- Okay.
This is my fault. Um
[SLOW, PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Scheisse Minnelli.
Right, you ready?
- You look, uh
- Hot.
- Thank you, Caroline.
- I mean, look at you both.
It's like Mattel made Barbie
and Ken sex dolls or something.
- Ooh.
- We should go.
- Oh, right.
- Cheers, Caroline.
- Thank you.
- Bye then.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
- [KEELEY] Thank you.
- [ROY] We won't. [SIGHS]
[SIGHS] Bloody hell.
- Wow.
- Cool, right? It's my new car.
It's ridiculous.
- No, it isn't.
- Yeah.
Do you remember my mate Darren
who lost his job a few years ago?
You mean went to
prison for embezzlement.
From an insurance
company. So fucking what?
That's like robbing a pickpocket.
Anyway, he got parole.
And now he tricks out cars.
The whole thing is
bulletproof, like a tank.
Even the tires are bulletproof.
- Look at that.
- Wow.
I do not know what the fuck
you're talking about, Roy.
You are not going to war.
You're going to Waitrose
to get skin contact wine.
- Yeah, but No, no, no. Wait a second
- Let's go.
'cause you don't have to open
the door 'cause it's all high tech.
Of course.
I can do it through an app.
[PHONE BEEPS]
Passenger door open.
[EXCLAIMS, CLEARS THROAT]
- Wait till you see inside.
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY, LAUGHS]
Turn car on.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Wow.
I'm just gonna put in the directions.
No, you don't need to do that because
I worked there for fucking years.
I know the directions.
Of course, but you put the directions in
so you can see the traffic
delays, you fucking lunatic.
Okay, fine, but you don't need to type
them in because you can just speak them.
Navigate to Stamford Bridge.
[VEHICLE CHIMES]
[VEHICLE CHIMING]
- I think I'll just type them in for us.
- You don't type them in.
- I will type them in.
- Roy. Please let me do it. Stop it.
- No, don't do that. Please. [STAMMERS]
- Just stop.
[PHONE CLATTERING]
- Nice one. Well done. Get out of my way.
- What? What? What did I
- What is wrong with you?
- Let me do it. Give it.
- My hand is skinnier. Let me reach there.
- Your hand is in the way.
Just move back.
- [KEELEY] I can't [GASPS]
- [SEAT WHIRRING]
- Why are you doing that? Why have
- I'm not doing anything.
I'm not talking to you. I'm
talking to the fucking car.
- [PHONE CRUNCHING]
- [KEELEY EXCLAIMS]
Do you think the car's still
gonna work without your phone?
Yeah.
Now I'm just gonna have
to use the stupid key.
- Hello?
- [HIGGINS] Hello, is this George Perkins?
- Yes?
- This is Leslie Higgins at AFC Richmond.
- I was wondering if
- I didn't do anything wrong.
Uh, no, of course not.
Look, I'm an honorable
man. I didn't want to sell.
He-He made it very hard to say no.
- He who?
- I I said good day.
Ooh, no, you didn't actually.
Uh, well, I was going to.
- Oh. Oh.
- [LINE DISCONNECTS]
[HANDSET SETTLES IN CRADLE]
I was calling to inquire about some
shares that I believe you sold recently.
- [LINE DISCONNECTS]
- Hello?
[LINE RINGING]
Oh, and when did you buy them?
And you bought 35?
Oh, sorry. Hello?
[CHOKES]
- [LINE RINGING]
- Hello?
Uh, hello, could I speak to,
uh, Randall Linden, please?
Yes, that's my husband.
Has he done something wrong again?
Uh, not at all.
Uh, this is Leslie
Higgins from AFC Richmond.
I was calling about some
shares he recently sold.
Oh, yes, turned a tidy profit.
Bought me some cute boots.
Hold on, he's right here.
- It's AFC Richmond, dear.
-
I'm sorry, I was wrong.
The truth is, there
was no sale of shares.
Uh, what about the boots?
The truth is, there were no boots.
The truth is, I don't have
a husband named Randall.
[STAMMERS] What?
[SIGHS]
Right.
Feels weird training without her.
[SIGHS] Yeah, if only she'd
gone off on that substitution.
Yeah, then she wouldn't have got hurt.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Fuck.
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [ROY GROANS]
- [KEELEY] What now?
My whole speech was on that phone.
All five words of it?
How will you ever recreate such
a poetic tapestry of language?
- Stop!
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
Fuckin' hell! What?
You're gonna fit through there, are you?
- Course I will.
- Are you insane?
Your fat fucking car isn't gonna
fit through that skinny little gap.
Are you joking? This car was designed
for a superior urban driving experience.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[SCRAPING]
[KEELEY SIGHS] Fuck.
[ENGINE REVS]
[BLOWS]
These bollards are
clearly not up to code.
You're gonna blame the bollards now?
[SOFTLY] Fuck.
It's fine, it's going to be
fine. Yep. What should we do?
- Try the windows.
- Okay.
- No, not at the same time!
- Why? What's happened?
- [VEHICLE POWERS DOWN]
- You just shorted the electrics.
My mate had the power
diverted from the car battery
to the PS5 he installed so
it could run all the time.
Why would your car's PS5
need to run all the time?
Uh, for software updates.
And if I wanna stream
something on Twitch.
Roy. I was wrong.
Your car is cool.
[HORN HONKS]
[TED] Mmm. Not much pizzazz out there.
They got a lot on their minds.
Yeah, and it's affecting their feet.
[COACH BEARD GROANS]
Hey, that's all right, Siobhan.
Keep your head up, Niamh.
Son of a Bono, I can't unsee
the spellings now, you know?
You're a visual learner, Coach.
Blessing and a curse, you know?
[JINGLING]
- You all right, Coach?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm all right. [CLEARS THROAT]
- Good.
Might just head in early,
if that's all right?
Yeah, of course, yeah.
[SIGHS]
It's not even a question
of effort, you know?
They're giving everything they got.
They just ain't got a lot today.
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Thank you for holding.
Your emergency is very important to us.
If the danger of your situation
has increased, please press one.
If you've realized you were just
being a little bit dramatic
[PHONE BEEPS, CHIMES]
[HORN HONKS]
- [KEELEY] Shit.
- What?
Dr. Strudwick is making Gemma
wait to get her knee examined.
I fucking hate that guy.
But he's the team surgeon.
Yeah, and you notice
how I never went to him?
I hadn't noticed.
Do you think Dr.
Beaumont would see Gemma?
- Oh.
- Can you ask her, please?
- That would be so
- I don't know if that's a good idea.
- What the fuck, Roy?
- [HORNS HONKING]
Can this moment not be about
you? This is about Gemma.
- This is about her needs.
- Hey, take it easy.
- [HONKING CONTINUES]
- What the fuck?
- [SIGHS]
- We've gotta get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, no shit.
Oi, what are you doing? Roy!
["CRAZY (JAMES MICHAEL MIX)" PLAYING]
- Cover your head.
- [GASPS] Oh.
[KEELEY SCREAMS]
- What?
- [HORN HONKING]
[GRUNTS]
- [GRUNTS]
- [KEELEY GROANS]
- You're a nightmare.
- All right, give me your hands.
Give me your hand.
- [KEELEY GRUNTS]
- Watch your hands.
[KEELEY] Shit. Shit.
Oh, my God.
- [GRUNTING] Ooh. Okay. [SIGHS]
- [HORNS HONKING]
[ROY] Fuck off.
They've been so annoying. [GRUNTS]
Oi, Roy Kent, can I have an ussie?
There's a tube. Come on.
- Keeley. No, they
- Roy, come on.
Shit.
[KEELEY] Yeah, sorry,
there's been an incident.
You've left your car.
What's going on with that?
You can have it. It's a piece of shit.
We're missing the fucking cocktail hour.
Come on!
[MUSIC ENDS]
[CHILTON SNIFFLING, SOBBING]
- Hey, you okay?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, sorry.
- I'm so sorry. I'm, um Sorry.
- It's okay.
Sorry, I don't actually
Sorry, I'm fine.
Sorry, I don't know actually
know why I'm crying. Sorry.
- Hey, it's okay.
- Sorry, I'm okay. I'm just, um
[INHALES DEEPLY]
I'm literally fine. It's just
been It's just been a
- It's just been a couple of days.
- Yeah, I understand.
Do you want a little more time to
yourself or you want me to stay put?
I can do whatever you need.
[CRIES] I don't know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Hey, hey. It's okay.
[SOBS] Sorry.
Tell you what. I'm just gonna
sit down right here, okay?
Okay.
[SOBBING]
[TENDER MUSIC PLAYING]
- [BREATHING DEEPLY]
- [SOBBING CONTINUES]
[SNIFFLES]
[CONTINUES BREATHING DEEPLY]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
- [BREATHING DEEPLY]
- [EXHALES SHAKILY]
[BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY]
Yeah.
- [CHILTON GRUNTS]
- [DOOR OPENS]
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- They're ready in there for you, Coach.
Mmm, great. Thanks, Coach.
- Everything okay?
- Hmm. Uh
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, all good.
Hey, if you two want to split,
I don't mind talking
to the team by myself.
Um, I'm I'm good.
I'll I'll stick around.
Yeah, me too.
Okay.
- After you, Coach.
- Yeah.
- [WHISPERS] You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
[MUSIC FADES, ENDS]
Okay, so look, practice was
a little low on voltage today,
but hey, makes sense.
I know we all got a lot of feelings
mixed up inside of us right now
like an emotional jambalaya, right?
A-And yet I bet we
all got a little voice
in the back of our
heads saying crap like,
you know, "Be strong. Keep it
together. Don't get emotional at work."
But hey, I just wanna remind us
all of something real quick. Yeah?
There is crying in football.
There is.
Always has been.
Leo Messi, that fella shows less emotion
than the Mona Lisa on beta blockers.
But when he finally won the World Cup,
man, he was crying like
a baby watching Beaches
while listening to Adele's second
album. Waterworks, you know?
- [PLAYERS CHUCKLE]
- What about Ronaldo? [CHUCKLES]
That guy's cried so much, I can only
assume that's how he got them abs.
You know, he's like [IMITATES CRYING]
Does all these little
crunches, just bawling.
Fella got so many abs he's got
a 12 pack on him. Good lord.
I mean, Maradona cried. Zidane cried.
- Neymar cries all the time, you know.
- That's true.
Heck, even our very own big bad Roy Kent
bawled his eyes out at his
retirement press conference. Yeah.
[PLAYERS CHATTERING, LAUGHING]
Point being, there
is crying in football.
- You know?
- [SIGHS]
So around here, if any of
y'all are feeling something,
know that you don't have to hide it.
You don't have to apologize for it.
And you sure as heck don't
have to be ashamed of it.
Because this team is strong enough
to help any one of us handle
whatever we're feeling.
All you gotta do is just not hold back.
Then, well, maybe just
believe, and, uh
let it out.
All right.
That's all I've got.
Let's go ahead and keep
looking out for each other.
And let's give Gemma something
worth coming back for,
regardless of what the MRI says.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
[PLAYERS CHATTERING]
- Let's go!
- Whoo!
- Gemma!
- Gemma.
G, we love you!
G!
[KEELEY PANTING]
- [TICKET BARRIERS BEEPING]
- Okay.
Come on, Roy.
Okay. [GRUNTS, PANTS]
Keeley.
Roy, you tap the card.
[PANTS]
[BARRIER BEEPS]
Fuck.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
[HIGGINS] Ooh.
Oh, how do you do? I'm Leslie Higgins.
It's not about the
blooming shares, is it?
- Yes, but
- [SIGHS] Fuck.
You people have got a lot of nerve.
You're constantly knocking on my
door. You harass me in the pubs.
I've told you. I'm not selling.
Who's been asking?
Your colleagues, I suppose,
in their fine suits like yours.
Offered me money, then spa treatments.
- Oh.
- What's the offer now then?
- A cruise? Companionship?
- [STAMMERS]
You've got a certain sex appeal
about you. I'll give you that.
- Really?
- But the answer's still no.
All right. I wondered
if [EXCLAIMS, SIGHS]
Hmm.
Hmm.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
No, no! Fuck!
Oh, fuck. [SIGHS]
Well, we missed it.
- Look. Keeley, I can't.
- Can't what?
I don't take the tube.
The great Roy Kent is too good for the
best public transport
system in the world.
What? Are you too famous?
No, it's claustrophobic.
All these people smashed
together in a confined space,
rocketing down an endless tunnel.
I can get
scared.
And yes, actually, sometimes it is very
tough being in public
when you're famous.
There it is. Wow, you can
be impossible, can't you?
I would love to know how your foxy
doctor girlfriend deals with you.
She doesn't.
Of course not.
I bet you're Prince
fucking Charming with her.
No.
We broke up.
- When?
- A while ago.
Why didn't you tell me?
I just did.
["WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU" PLAYING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [GASPS]
- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [PASSENGERS GROAN]
- [PASSENGER 1] Come on. Every day.
- [KEELEY, ROY] Fuck.
- [PASSENGER 2] Bloody hell.
Oh, Coach Chilton. Good evening.
Yes, good evening.
Um, may I?
Of course.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Do you want to swap seats?
No.
- I'm okay. Thank you.
- Mmm.
I went to see Gemma this morning.
- How is she?
- She's good.
Well, she-she says
she's good, but, um
Yes?
When you get injured as a
player, it's it's hard.
It's terrifying, actually.
And in the moments immediately after,
you're surrounded by concerned faces
of your your teammates and
your coaches and your managers.
And then that concern starts to fade.
Until eventually, there's silence,
while everyone figures out
how to move on without you.
I know you have a business
to run, and I respect that.
But Gemma, sh [SIGHS]
She needs to know that she
isn't disappearing in real time.
She-She needs to know
that she still matters.
Not just as a player, but as a person.
So, please, will you just promise
me that the club will show her that,
from the bottom to the top?
Will you just promise me that, please?
I promise, Alice.
Thank you.
Oh, and, uh
Thank you. The-The gift basket
for Gemma was very, very generous.
- Oh.
- I didn't know
there were so many types
of nut in the world.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Unfortunately, Gemma is
allergic to most of them though.
I thought you'd probably
want to know that.
Thank you for letting me know.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Alice.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Thank you for showing me what
Gemma means to the team and to you.
I really hope she knows that.
Don't you?
Yeah.
Good night, Miss Welton.
Good night, Coach Chilton.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
- [PATRON LAUGHS]
- [GASPS] Is that
- That's him.
- I'll go find out.
You're Leslie Higgins, director
of football for Richmond.
- Yes.
- It's such a honor meeting you.
Well, thank you. It's always
nice to meet supporters.
What were you thinking letting
Colin Hughes go to Wrexham?
- I, uh
- Is Roy Kent staying at Richmond?
- Well, that's I
- What do you think happens when we die?
Um, look, I'm just trying to find out
if anybody's approached you about
selling your shares in Richmond.
Share.
We all share one share.
Yeah, and we made a pact that
if any of us tried to sell it,
then the other two can
frame him for a crime.
I wanna be framed for having
an unlicensed pigeon loft.
Why don't you boys go
and play some pinball?
- On me.
- [ALL GASP]
- Sweet.
- [MAE CHUCKLES]
- [COINS CLATTER]
- Ooh.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
So, what's all this about
people selling their shares?
[CHUCKLES] Judases!
I would never sell mine,
and I've got quite the haul.
Glad to hear it, Mae.
I'm just trying to get
to the bottom of it all.
Oh, so you thought you
could stroll in here
and harass my patrons into snitching,
breaking the most sacred
pub code of them all.
- You need to leave
- [GASPS]
before you see the
wrong side of my stick.
Pay your tab and get
the hell out of my pub.
Tab?
For what?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Fucking hell, how long
were we down there?
I don't know, but every Uber is
saying it's, like, 40 minutes away.
- Oh, no. We're not gonna make it.
- Roy.
Oi! Look, scooter.
Ask if we can borrow her scooter.
- Fuck no, I hate strangers.
- Who cares? Go do it, please.
[GROANS]
Oi!
What the fuck, man?
Give me your scooter and I'll
give you a shit ton of cash.
I'm a communist.
Fucking hell.
Do you like curry?
Yeah, it's our national dish, innit?
Imagine how much chicken tikka
masala you could buy with this.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[HIGGINS] Hello?
Uh
Ooh, Mae. [CHUCKLES]
I didn't know you smoked.
I don't. It's a
watermelon flavored vape.
Tastes horrible, like sucking
on the Kool-Aid Man's dick.
Okay.
Did you come alone?
Yes, but my wife and I
share each other's location,
just in case one of us falls down.
Tell me what you know.
People are selling Richmond shares.
Some for far more than they're worth.
I've looked into the possible buyers,
but it's all different offshore
corporations that lead to nowhere.
So, what does that tell you?
Well, I'm starting to think that
it leads to one person, but whom?
[CHUCKLES]
You seem like a nice man who
doesn't make a lot of enemies.
- Thank you.
- That's not a good thing.
- Yeah.
- Enemies keep us vigilant,
and everybody has them,
- even if they don't know it.
- Oh.
Follow the anger.
Yes.
What does that mean?
Someone is making a play
for your club in secret.
If they were doing it
for financial reasons,
they'd do it out in the
open, but they're not.
This is about something else.
Hmm. But what?
Just follow the anger.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
I think I know who it is.
- Thank you, Mae.
- Happy to help.
Yeah.
Now, right or left?
- Uh, right or left what?
- Your face.
I have to hit you with my
stick, so no one thinks I ratted.
Couldn't I just sneak
out the back somewhere?
[SIGHS]
I guess.
[BREATHES SHAKILY] Okay.
It's nice to see you.
[MAE] Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's a pretty vase.
Thank you. I made it. [CHUCKLES]
Did you actually?
No. But I reckon if I took a couple
of glass blowing classes, I could.
I do too, Mum.
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- [CHUCKLES] Oh!
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Oh! Hello again.
[CHILTON] Hi, hello, uh, is
she is she through here?
- Is that all right? Just pop through?
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, hi.
- Hello, listen,
I loved playing football.
It was the only time in my life that
I ever felt free [CHUCKLES]
because my brain
would finally shut up
and my body would just take over,
and I miss that feeling
every single day.
So, when you said that
you wanted to quit,
I-I panicked because I would give
anything to have what you have.
Your-Your talent, your-your confidence,
your fucking knees, even that one.
And look, I hate that you got
injured. I do. I really hate it.
But what I hate even more
is you deciding to quit
before you even know what's wrong,
because I think you
love playing football.
I do. You-You light up
when you're out there.
You look [STAMMERS]
free. [CHUCKLES]
[CHILTON SIGHS]
So, listen, if you
wanna quit just because
you-you love something
more, then fine, do that.
But don't quit just because you're
scared or because someone else is,
because I think on the other side of you
being scared is you being free.
That is a lovely vase. Did you make it?
No, I just bought it. [CHUCKLES]
Well, you have exquisite taste.
Yeah, I'm gonna go. Thank you.
[DOOR OPENS]
- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
She's a fucking coffee drinker.
Why did I not see
that? [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Ah, I've got a doctor
- who can see Gemma tomorrow morning.
- What? That's brilliant.
Yeah, there's a little wrinkle,
'cause he's a veterinarian.
But it's for racehorses,
and I think Gemma would see
that as a compliment, right?
I say we hold off for now
- for a people doctor.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- I mean, you know.
- I know.
Rebecca, I think I know
who's buying the shares.
Go on.
Who do you think would make a play
to steal a team in secret from you?
Rupert.
Never underestimate the
power of anger as fuel.
[HIGGINS] Yeah.
- Do you actually know where we're going?
- Of course I know. I used to work here.
Stop back-scoot driving.
No, you're right. Yeah. I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- [LAUGHING]
[KEELEY GRUNTS] Here we go. Oh.
Shit. Roy, I'm so sorry.
- [GROANS] That's okay.
- [VACUUM POWERS DOWN]
- No, it's not.
- Hey, look who it is.
- Roy.
- I can't believe you still work here.
Well, we're not quitters like
you, are we, mate? [LAUGHS]
Yeah, I thought you'd be fired by
now for all the booze you've stolen.
- Come on, mate. Steady.
- [CHUCKLES]
Keeley, this is, uh, Jimmy and Matt.
- They're both reprobates.
- [CHUCKLES]
- You missed a great night tonight.
- Did I?
- Lampard roasted the hell out of you.
- Did he now?
He said you were the meanest
captain he'd ever had.
Yeah, he said he still has nightmares
about you screaming at
him in front of his family.
- [GASPS, CHUCKLES]
- That's sweet.
I guess it's a good thing you
don't have to do your speech.
Yeah.
Oh, I would love to hear your speech.
- Would you love to hear his speech, Matt?
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'd love to hear it too.
- Fuck off.
- [CHUCKLES]
No, look, all I was gonna say was
Well, if you're gonna make a
speech, you get up on that stage.
Come on, mate. Do it properly.
Yeah, go on. Get up there, sugar tits.
[CHUCKLES]
- Fuck sakes.
- [JIMMY, MATT CHUCKLING]
[KEELEY WHISPERS] Nice one.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Feels mental to be called a legend.
'Cause in my whole career, I
played, like, a billion minutes.
I only scored a few dozen goals.
But I fucking loved it.
Where's the bathroom?
Oh.
Wherever you go.
Keeley.
Today was a fucking disaster.
Everything that could have
gone wrong, did go wrong.
And it was the most
fun I've had in years.
'Cause I got to spend it with you.
And on the very rare occasion
I manage to make you smile,
that's when I feel
like a fucking legend.
So, I really hope you'll
give me a second chance.
'Cause if it all goes to shit,
there's no one else I'd
rather be wrong with than you.
[SIGHS]
Roy,
I was afraid that if we got back
together, you would leave again.
And seeing you with someone else,
I got the fear that
you'd never come back.
But there's no one else that I'd
rather be scared with than you.
[KEELEY BREATHES SHAKILY]
You told me not to
put you on a pedestal.
[GASPS] Ooh. [CHUCKLES]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
But that's where you belong.
And I'm never ever gonna pull you down.
What I had to do was raise myself up.
[GROANS, EXHALES]
And realize
I am worthy of you.
'Cause I'm Roy fucking Kent.
And I'm Keeley fucking Jones. [CHUCKLES]
Are you done? We need to lock up.
Yeah, no, of course.
Uh, cheers, guys, yeah.
Good to see ya.
- Cheers, mate.
- Take it easy.
- Good luck.
- [CHEERS, CHUCKLES]
- [KEELEY CHUCKLES]
- [ROY] Come on.
Oh, great. Look at the mess.
Hey?
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Come in.
Hello.
Here to yell at me again?
No, I just wanted to, um
Uh, well, I didn't fucking yell at you.
I spoke at you with a bit of spirited
conviction, yeah, maybe, but
You're on your own?
Yeah, my mum dropped me off. [SIGHS]
She went to Harrods to buy a very
special pillow she found online.
It's got an ergonomic
curve for my recovery.
Mmm, yeah, I've got one of those.
You have an ergonomic pillow?
No, a mother who is more comfortable
with solutions, rather than support.
Last night, after you yelled at me
- Didn't yell at you.
- You did.
- Hmm.
- I emailed my adviser.
Told him I needed more time.
I'm gonna put a hold on law school and
focus on rehab, getting
back on the pitch.
[SMACKS LIPS] And what if
It doesn't matter what the MRI says.
I'm not quitting football again.
I fucking love it.
Don't gloat.
[CHUCKLING] What? I'm no
I'm not. I'm not gloating.
I'm not. I'm just happy
for you and the team.
And that my yelling worked. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, so you admit it? You did yell.
No, no, no.
- I object.
- You object?
Your Majesty. What do you
call a lawyer? I don't know.
Hello. You must be the great Gemma Jay.
- Hi.
- And
I'm Alice Chilton. I'm just her coach.
And the great Alice Chilton.
[GEMMA] Uh, thank you again
for seeing me so quickly.
Of course. When Keeley
called, I was happy to help.
And I heard what happened
with Dr. Strudwick.
Not a surprise.
I've known Derek for a very long time.
He's a very good doctor.
Just ask him.
Right, let's get you
back on that pitch, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Good.
[CLIPBOARD CLATTERS]
But first, I think there are a few
people who want to say hello to you.
["TIL THE MORNING" PLAYING]
All right.
[CHATTERING]
- Gemma!
- Hey!
[TEAMMATES] Hey!
- What the fuck, guys?
- [TEAMMATE LAUGHS]
- Hey!
- What are you doing here?
We're just getting flu jabs.
What are you doing here?
[ALL LAUGH]
Wait. What? We're getting flu jabs?
She's being sarcastic, you knob goblin.
Hey, Gem. Training, absolutely
shite without you there.
- It's true.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we all have to work so
much harder. Please come back.
I mean, I actually
scored a goal yesterday.
- [CHEERING]
- Hey!
You gotta come back soon. She
can't stop bragging about it.
[PLAYERS LAUGHING]
[REBECCA] Oh.
Hello, everyone.
- Hey.
- Hi.
[PLAYER] Are you all right?
[CHUCKLES] Oh, Gemma,
I'm so glad I caught you.
- [EXHALES] Oh.
- [REBECCA] These are for you.
And no nuts this time.
[CHUCKLES, GASPS] Chocolate truffles.
I love chocolate truffles.
Oh, I know.
I spent all of last night
scouring your socials for clues.
It was either truffles or ZYN pouches.
- [PLAYERS LAUGH]
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
How far back did she go?
[CHUCKLES] Thank you, Miss Welton.
You're very welcome.
- All the best.
- Thank you.
- Right. You ready?
- Yeah.
You lot better spend the entire
time I'm in there worried sick.
[CLAMORING]
- Don't even check your phones.
- Good luck!
- We love you!
- Bye!
[CHUCKLING, CHATTERING]
[BOOTS] I'll actually
stand right like this.
Did you check all our socials?
Not yet.
Should I?
- I don't think it's necessary.
- Not actually.
Let's get into it, shall we?
[CHATTERING]
[SONG CONTINUES]