Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s04e09 Episode Script

1
Finn: What makes
the Burmese raccoon
such a cool pet?
Well, unlike
ordinary raccoons,
it won't raid
your trash can.
Ooh-ooh, you don't have
to walk it or feed it.
And it's made
of solid gold!
Score!
And we bagged it without
any trouble from
That guy.
Easy does it, Jackie!
Whoa-ohh! Eh!
Jade!
Why do you have to
show up every time?
'Cause you'd miss me
if I didn't.
Uhh!
Why does chan
have to show up
every time?
Hunh!
Oh, give us
a break, chan.
We're not even working
for any forces of
darkness this week.
Yeah, we're on vacation.
Can't you let us have
just one little
priceless statue?
The Burmese raccoon
belongs in a museum.
Well, ratso
and chow here
are gonna put you
àwhere you belong--
in a hospital.
Hyah! Unh!
Ohh! Ooh!
Ow!
Hunh!
Oof!
Hey, Finn,
I'll hold that for you.
Oh, thanks.
Hey! Give it!
Jade?
Just one question,
kiddo.
Where you gonna go?
Heh heh.
Anywhere but down?
Give up the raccoon.
Hyah! Aiee-ya!
Unh! Uhh!
Hyah! Hyah!
Hunh!
Chow: Unh!
Whoa-oh-ohh!
Ow!
Thanks.
Grab on tight!
Are we just gonna let chan
get away with our nest egg?
Grab on tight!
This is gonna leave a mark--
or 3.
Aaaah!
Ohh!
All: Oof!
Ohh!
Aaah!
Aah!
All: Unh!
So much
for our wealth.
At least we have
our health.
Finn: Shut up,
ratso-o-o-o-o!
(Finn, ratso, & chow
crying out in pain)
The raccoon is in the museum
where it belongs,
and I do not think
we will be hearing
from Finn, ratso, and chow
any time soon.
Finn: Chan!
Tch! don't you three
know when to quit?
All: We quit!
All: Huh?
We're tired of
never making money.
We're tired
of being enslaved
by dragons, wizards,
and floating demon heads.
Most of all,
we're tired of getting
our butts kicked by you.
Yeah. It hurts.
All: We want to be
good guys!
A trick! They want
to rob uncle's shop!
No! We're telling
the truth.
We weren't always
bad guys.
Let me guess.
You sang in disco bands
at weddings.
How'd you know?
I was employee of the month
at sunglass shack,
3 times.
I studied theoretical physics.
Chow: We only went bad
because we fell in
with the wrong crowd.
Yeah, each other.
Ooh!
Oh, come on, chan,
please?
You gave big t
a chance.
Well, uh, yes
They have a point.
(All moaning)
If you are truly serious
about being good,
you should go make your point
to captain black.
I wish you luck.
Huh?
Aiee-yah!
Call police!
Thank you for shopping
at uncle's rare finds.
Have a groovy day.
Bye-bye.
Come back soon.
(Gasps)
Dark magic reversed
cosmic yin and Yang
while we were
getting lo mein.
Uh-duh-uh-uh,
everything is fine,
sensei.
Yeah, Finn, ratso, and chow
spoke to captain black,
just like you said, Jackie.
Captain black said
that since I was able
to become such
a model citizen,
there was hope
for my old cohorts.
He put them
on probation.
(Gasps) In my shop?
That's what I said, unc,
but check it out.
These radio-controlled
ankle cuffs
lets section 13 know
where they are at all times.
And if they try
and run for it
See?
Instant chain gang.
Ahh!
These brownies are so good.
What's your secret?
Mm-mm-mm.
You can not have
the recipe
until you prove
yourself, ratso.
And you can start
by doing the dishes.
You got it, t.
Excuse me?
Ooh! Yes, sensei.
(Video game fanfare)
High score!
Unh! Uhh!
I am not worthy.
Do not steal that!
(Exhales)
Whaaaaaaw!
Uhh, please, Finn,
I am on the phone.
Oop! Sorry, chan-meister.
Hey, but how's my form?
I'm sorry. Yes.
I will leave
As soon as I can.
What's the scoop, j.C.?
Big mission?
No mission.
My real job.
The museum is
sending me to Bhutan
to collect an artifact.
Jackie,
you can not go
while criminals
live in my shop!
Excuse me.
Ex-criminals.
don't sweat it, unc.
Tohru can put the smack-down
on his old pals
if they try anything.
And if they really
get out of line
Zappo!
Ohh!
Yipe!
Oof!
Oops! Sorry.
We'll hold the fort, chan.
don't worry about us.
Yeah. Remember,
we're good guys
now.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Jackie, bad news.
The transmitters
from the ankle cuffs
show our
favorite parolees
in the far east,
heading your way.
I knew they couldn't
stay good for long.
But I never told them
that the artifact
I came here to collect
was a priceless gemstone.
I am Jackie chan
from the museum.
With your permission,
I will bring the opal
back to San Francisco.
Bad day.
So, the whole
"good guys" thing
was an act.
Unh!
Nice move, Finn.
I see you have
been practicing.
Unh! Ratso?
You have all
been practicing.
Unh!
Chow?
Unh! Ohh!
Ok, who are
you guys?
Jade: Just 3 clowns
who are about to get
smacked down
By Jade's angels.
Fi--rat--ch--
Jade?
Freeze! Back away
from our bosley.
Uh, I mean, buddy.
Hunh!
Hyah!
Yee-aah!
Unh!
Aah! Uh-aah!
Uhh!
What are you
doing here?
And why did you
bring them?
All part of their
good-guy training.
They can sit around
at home being good,
or they can go out
and do good.
Or get smacked down
real good.
Ok, so their technique
needs work,
but I give 'em
a solid "b" for effort.
Uhh! Run for it!
All: Unh!
Aah!
Yah!
Aah!
(All groaning)
Let's finish 'em off.
Now, Jade
You know your uncle Jackie
would not approve.
Ohh!
Jade's been a good
influence on us,
and, uh, vice-versa.
Quickly, we must
get this to safety.
Heh heh! I'm sorry.
I will have the museum
send you a check
for the broken building.
Thank you!
I'm telling you,
Jackie,
they're totally
reformed.
I haven't thought about
chain-ganging 'em once.
Hmm, they did help out
back there
In their own way.
And at least they're not
bothering uncle anymore.
Uncle: Tohru
Do dishes!
Can ratso not do them
when he returns?
I guess I owe you all
an apology.
I thought those thieves
were you,
here for the opal.
No harm, no foul,
chan-meister.
Besides,
opal shmopal.
Yeah, when we
used to be bad guys,
we only went after
Big stuff.
Did you see the size
of that shmopal?
If it was ours,
we'd be set for life.
But we're
good guys now.
Right?
Ok, but we have to start
being good guys again
after we steal the opal.
Sorry.
Unh! Uhh!
You guys
are so grounded!
All right, I guess
that's everything.
So, uh, thanks.
Heh, it may not
seem like it
But you did
teach us one thing.
Oh, and what was that?
We're just not very good
at being good guys.
I told you they
couldn't be trusted.
Heh heh.
Wow! It all worked out
for once.
All we had to do was
be true to ourselves.
Ahh!
All part of the journey
of life, my men.
Huh?
Yo, toss over the rock,
and maybe I won't toss
your sorry selves
down the mountain.
Ha ha ha! No way are we
handing our life savings
to someone who looks
like a pizza boy!
Yo, yo, yo.
This is one pizza boy
who's gonna serve you up
an extra-large whoopin'
with 2 kinds of cheese.
Waa-hah!
Ohh!
Unh!
Hoo-hyah!
(All groaning)
Huh?
Yo, strikemaster ice
is in the hizzouse!
How'd you learn
to fight so good?
I was just
a pizza delivery guy
Huh? I knew it!
And it all
went down one night.
I delivered a medium
ham-and-pineapple
to this weird old man.
And the fool stiffed me
on the tip,
but he told me this wild
legend about the zu monastery
floating above the clouds
here in the far east.
The monks started teaching me
their extreme,
top secret style
of martial arts.
It was off the hook!
But then I got hip
to what the monks
really wanted with me.
They wanted to teach me
the ways of peace.
Well, I needed that bunk
like a pizza needs
a soggy crust, yo.
They expelled me and dj fist
and mc cobra
for bad behavior.
Now, we would've kicked
their bald booties,
but we just weren't good
enough to beat 'em yet.
Uh, well, you sure
kick Booty now, ice baby.
Yeah, go whoop
those monks.
You don't wanna scratch
that beautiful opal
while you're exacting
your revenge, do ya?
Yeah, so why don't you
just leave it here?
We'll watch it for you.
Yeah, for reals.
Let me demonstrate
how this little hunk of ice
is gonna let
strikemaster ice
go back to the monastery
and bring down the house!
Finn: No, no, no!
don't--don't do it!
Save it for the monks!
Mommy!
(Explosion)
All: Aaaah!
I was going to ask you
to be my henchmen,
but if you work
for strikemaster ice,
you gots to have
thicker crust.
Ohh!
(Sobbing)
Easy does it.
The signal from
the ankle transceivers
suggests our
former reformers
haven't moved
in an hour.
It could be
an ambush.
Hiya!
If you let us down
We'll help you find
the shmopal.
You know, I don't see
how we can help out
if we're all chained up
like this, partners.
You are not
our partners.
You are our prisoners.
Wow! Just like
the pimply kid said.
"Floatin' above the clouds,
yo, yo, yo."
Oh, uh, wait up!
(Explosion)
Yeah, see how you like
preachin' peace
with your temple in pieces.
Lock 'em up, boys.
Whoa! Strikemaster ice
is a twerp.
I can take him.
Jade.
Unh!
Say, chan never said
you couldn't get
the drop on the other 2.
Yeah!
Good one, Finn.
Run for it!
Unh!
Uhh!
Hunh!
You have done
enough damage
Wouldn't you say?
So you wanna throw down?
The greatest victory
is the battle
not fought.
I'll reflect
on the meaning of that
while I wail on you.
Jade: Hey!
Who cut your hair,
the gardener?
(Razzberry)
Unh!
Uhh!
Warning:
Objects in mist are closer
than they appear.
You know,
your crane stance
could use some work.
No!
No!
Aah!
Sweet.
Let's make like
a nose and run.
Strikemaster ice: That's it,
you're history!
Wait.
We can't let chan
go out like this.
Yeah. After all the times
we tried to knock him off
Letting someone else
do the job
just doesn't seem right.
Let's rescue
the chan-man.
Uh, never mind.
Let go, yo!
You want it?
It is yours.
Unh!
Hey, thanks,
partner!
Guys, you don't want
to go that way!
Nice try, kiddo!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Are they?
I think so.
I think I may
actually miss them.
I know what you mean.
Weird, huh?
Poor guys.
(Sighs) You know,
we're not very good
at being bad guys, either.
Hey Jackie, do you believe in
giving people second chances?
Yes, yes.
I always give people
a second chance.
Like my stunt men,
some of my assistants
They do something wrong,
I give them another chance.
They do something
wrong again,
I give them third chance,
not just a second chance.
I always give them
second chance.
More than second.