Animal Control (2023) s04e10 Episode Script

1
- [CAT MEOWS]
- [GASPS] What the?
Oh, I see you met Gah.
What kind of a name is Gah?
Gah!
Gah!
Can you pass me a fizzy drink?
[BOTH] Gah!
Gah! [SHUDDERS]
It's short for Godfrey.
[GAH MEOWS]
[VOCALIZING] ♪
I'm leaving 20 minutes early.
Union business.
And why do you have handcuffs?
Frank said he always wanted
to transport money
or nuclear codes this way.
And before you ding me
for not wearing a black suit,
it no longer fits after
the gains I've made in the gym.
- 'Kay.
- The union collected $5,000
for Matt with the ponytail's
medical expenses.
- Aww.
- [FRANK] Life is funny.
You spend 20 years growing a ponytail,
only to have it violently
ripped from your scalp
during a routine
cat on a baggage carousel call.
Uh, Matt is one of our boys
from the two-three,
and I don't trust Frank
to have this money.
I should take it since Templeton's out
- with the bubble guts.
- Well, of course he is.
I've never once
seen him wash his hands.
And I'm not just
giving you $5,000 cash.
I'm union rep, it's my responsibility.
Well, why don't you two
just go together?
- Back off!
- Yeah.
- Don't make us strike.
- You have no say in this, suit.
I don't wanna go
nowhere with this man.
- It's union business.
- Okay?
Maybe we should just go together.
- It's a great idea.
- Okay.
Shoot.
Ugh, this is why I don't trust you.
Those were the best cuffs
they had at the magic shop!
Fine. I'll just carry
the money in my dumb pockets.
Jellybean is all cleaned up.
He doesn't smell like meth anymore,
so he is ready for adoption.
Yeah, hopefully he doesn't
get adopted by another
drug-dealing biker.
Who's daddy's in jail?
Your daddy's in jail.
Patel, you and Shred are still good
to stay late tonight and do inventory?
Anything to help.
Miss a double sleepover
and get paid overtime.
And no movies tonight, okay?
'Cause you get distracted and
then your count's all over the place.
I'm gonna do some inventory too,
of tequila shots down my throat
'cause we're going out.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're gonna change, right?
Oh, I wasn't going to, but I could
maybe take the blazer off.
Girls gone wild.
Hey, Parker stopped by while
you were out in the field,
and I'm sorry to report
he was lookin' tasty.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[PARKER] Hi, Victoria.
Bettany should be handing
you a bag right now.
Ugh. I was supposed to wait
for my cue.
[PARKER] It's all the things of
yours that I needed to return.
And
also a note.
Bye, V.
And just like that, he was gone.
Poof.
Aww.
Oh, my phone charger! Nice.
I've been using Patel's
and his is really sticky.
I have kids, everything's sticky.
Hey, are-are you okay?
I know the post breakup
drop off can be kinda tricky.
Yeah. I'm fine.
[GASPS] Parker's note?
Whoa, you're just gonna
throw that away?
You're not gonna read it?
I already know what it's gonna say.
It's gonna say "I-I love you,
I miss you".
You're the greatest
thing that ever happened to me,
- blah blah blah.
- [GASPS]
No, but it could help
with your closure.
Or more importantly,
could help with my closure.
I love this stuff.
The only closure I need
is closing the bar tab
tomorrow morning,
'cause I'm gonna forget
- to close it tonight.
- Mm-hmm.
Go do the rest of your makeup,
and then we can go.
Oh, all done.
I'm going for a "no makeup"
makeup look, so thank you.
- It's finished?
- Mm-hmm.
Templeton's belly better stop
gurgling by tomorrow.
I am rudderless without that man.
I had to get my own
cortado this morning.
How many times are you
gonna count the money?
As many times as it takes
to know you didn't skim
anything off the top.
See, and now I lost my concentration.
I gotta start all over.
[FRANK] Please don't do that.
Wha it's freezing.
Shivering burns away white fat.
White fat?
Wasn't that your nickname
at the academy?
Wha?
Wha wha You child locked me!
Oh, that's for Shred.
Otherwise, he doesn't stop
saying good morning to passersby.
Whatever.
Denied. Denied.
Denied! Denied!
- Denied. Denied! Denied!
- No, no!
- No!
- No! Oh no!
[DAISY] Pull over!
[FRANK] I'm trying, I'm trying!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
[TV] I'm sure it's nothing.
I'll check the basement.
Ahh! Oh!
Well, this is surprisingly scary
for a DVD
I got at the car wash.
Relax, there probably won't be
another jump scare for, like,
- ten minutes.
- Yeah.
- [SCREAMS]
- [PATEL] Jeez.
What are you doing here?
I promised Emily I would
submit the employee
health insurance paperwork,
but I totally dropped the ball,
and I never drop the ball.
I'm Jerry Rice.
If Emily finds out,
she'll be devastated.
And it sounds like we'll lose
our health insurance?
- That too.
- Hey, we didn't see you here.
You didn't see us watching this movie.
Okay, fine.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
[ALL GASP]
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
Uh, yeah, you got this, Bettany.
- Me?
- Yeah, you do reception.
Go recept.
I'll go get it.
Can I help you, sir?
Yeah. I'm here to get my dog.
Jellybean.
Uh, J-Jellybean's owner's in jail.
Was in jail.
Congratulations on your freedom.
- [GRUMBLES]
- Unfortunately, we do need
proof of ownership.
I'm here now, that's proof enough.
Excuse me.
Your passionate plea
has not fallen on deaf ears.
I will go get him.
Hey!
That's how you handle that.
Uh, why is he walking
around to the side?
You locked the door to
the annex kennel, right?
I have in the past, yes.
[OWNER] Jellybean!
Run!
Come on, Jellybean!
[OWNER] Jellybean!
[OWNER] Jellybean!
Where are you?
♪
[EMILY] Mmm!
So they did give you that free refill.
You didn't answer my question.
Oh, um I guess missionary
would be my dream job.
Hey, I brought something.
I swear to God, if you brought
your homemade trivia cards
about historical women
Oh, yeah, no, I did. But also
- Parker's letter.
- Mm-hmm.
I don't wanna read that.
What? Are you sure?
I mean, you can't act like
your whole relationship
never existed, that's not healthy.
See, I prefer our dynamic when
I give you relationship advice.
You're not even a little curious?
Uh no.
But clearly you are.
Okay, yeah, I'm dying to read it.
I held it up to the X-ray light,
but I guess it only works on bones.
- Okay. Go on.
- Really?
Yeah, you can read it,
you dirty little dumpster diver.
Okay.
How desperate does he seem?
On a scale of one to mailing me
his ear.
Um, I guess like, uh, one?
Here's your phone charger.
I hope your battery stays
at 100 percent for
the rest of your life.
Because you bought so much
electricity into mine.
And just know that I'm sorry
for the way that I ended things.
What?
See, I think that's so nice.
Does Parker think that
he broke up with me?
Yeah, I guess so. But my main takeaway
is that he still has very
warm feelings towards you,
and he really knows how to milk
a phone charger metaphor.
- [WHEEZES]
- [EMILY] Right?
It's unbelievable.
- [EMILY] Yeah. Oh.
- [VICTORIA SLURPS]
Oh, you're drinking that
blue drink pretty fast.
Let's just water that down a bit.
[DAISY SHIVERS]
Okay, so we have a lot
less than when we started.
- How much did you grab?
- Here.
I grabbed 200 out of the air,
300 off the ground,
and the rest went in the river.
Okay, so that means we have
a total of about $800?
Matt's on a lot of painkillers.
We could probably
convince him that's 5K.
No! We cannot do that to him.
He's been through enough already.
We either own up, replace the money,
or say we got mugged.
No one would believe
I would get mugged.
- At gunpoint?
- Everyone knows I would rather die.
So, we should probably do
the right thing
and tell Matt that you let him down.
No, really, it was you.
But I do think we should
tell the truth.
We have nothing
if we don't have our honor.
[TRUMPET PLAYS FIRST CALL ]
The difference between
me and these losers
is that I'm not gambling.
I got a system, and it works
every time I've won.
Well, I have a better system
and I care about Matt
more than you do,
so I'm placing the bet.
This has nothing to do with
Matt with the ponytail.
This has to do with
saving my ass and yours.
I mean, what's left of it
after the emu attack.
Look, I factor in pedigree, odds,
and squareness of jockey jaw.
I have a guaranteed
winner in race four.
Well, I don't tell
a lot of people this,
but I'm a bit of an animal psychic.
- Make your jokes.
- I don't laugh at the clinically insane.
My system is I can look
into the animal's eyes
and get a read on how they're feeling.
If they're confident,
scared, or aroused.
Well, why don't you look at their legs
and see if they're fast?
And I made eye contact
during their entry trot,
and I have a horse for race four.
[BOTH] We're going with
Welcome Back Trotter.
Damn.
It seems we are unlikely
partners in this.
Should we bet it all?
Scared money don't make money.
[JELLYBEAN'S OWNER]
Give me my dog back!
Jellybean!
You think we should call the cops?
So they can laugh in my face again?
Oh, I need the download on that.
Well, Patel got the call when
the cops raided the biker bar.
He dressed in full tactical.
How was I supposed to know
when they said "dangerous dog"
they were talking about this sweetie?
- Let's just call Emily.
- [BETTANY] No way!
She can't find out I was working on
those insurance forms,
especially since I told her
I finished them two weeks ago.
Also, we left that movie on.
She'd take away
our screen time for good.
[CRASHING SOUND]
- [ALL] Gah!
- [GAH MEOWS]
- [JELLYBEAN BARKS]
- Shh!
Maybe he didn't hear.
[JELLYBEAN'S OWNER] Oh, he heard!
[EMILY] Oh, here's a good one.
What disease did Mary Mallon carry?
I can't believe you brought those.
Ehh! Time's up.
I'm sorry, Victoria,
the answer was typhoid.
Although, technically,
Mary was asymptomatic.
Sorry, I just
Ahh ju our
our breakup was mutual.
If anything, I got the ball rolling.
I've listened to enough
Sheryl Crow to know that
there are two sides to every breakup.
But losing love is so hard, I mean,
I can't imagine how much
you're hurting right now.
I don't get dumped.
I
My record is clean.
Dump free, baby.
Yeah. What about Fiona?
Fiona doesn't count.
She was a billionaire outlier,
and, I mean, we weren't
even in a relationship.
Look, his stupid note
is written on the back of
a bar crawl schedule
from a youth hostel.
So, you really
don't have a type, do you?
I bet this is where he's staying.
Wait, was all of this so that
you could just see him again?
One last embrace.
The perfect goodbye from
the man who changed your world.
What I want, just to be clear,
is to set the record straight.
Yeah, no, whatever the reason,
you deserve closure, you do.
And I will be right here
to talk through everything
- when you're done.
- No, you're coming with me.
- What?
- Yeah.
So you can bear witness when he
admits that he did not break up with me.
- Okay.
- Also, I can't drive.
Yeah.
[ANNOUNCER] And they're off
to a strong start
[ANNOUNCER] On the outside,
Welcome Back Trotter
is making her move.
Come on.
Come on!
[ANNOUNCER] Welcome Back
Trotter pulling away.
[ANNOUNCER] And it's
Welcome Back Kotter!
- [DAISY SCREAMS]
- Yes! Yes!
We just won $6,000!
You losing all that money
was the best thing
that's ever happened to us.
Ooh, ooh, and we can give Matt
an extra thousand dollars.
His car got impounded when
he was in the hospital.
Or we could use our systems
again and buy Matt a new car.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hey, what's up, baby boy?
Are you gonna be back anytime soon?
'Cause it would just be great
to see you.
[JELLYBEAN'S OWNER] I'm gonna
start smashing windows!
Oh, sorry. We're at the track.
We lost Matt's money.
But don't worry, we've got a system.
Wait, you're at the horse track
right now? No!
Frank's got a terrible
gambling problem.
I witnessed it once firsthand.
He bought a scratcher, he won.
Then he bet on a football game,
he won again.
Next thing we know,
he's leveraged his car
in a four-leg parlay
on the Latin Grammys.
I did not peg that as Frank's genre.
He just kept saying,
"Daddy Yankee's a lock!"
"Daddy Yankee's a lock!"
Hey, you have to get off
the phone if we're gonna
put our next bet in.
Okay, I'm on my way. Just try to talk
some sense into him, okay?
Okay.
So, Shred says you have
a gambling problem.
Oh, not this again. That poor kid.
What's up with my gumdrop?
I probably shouldn't tell you this,
but Shred's dad was
a serious gambling addict,
and he tends to project.
I mean, you can't
flip a coin around that guy
without him spiraling.
Well, he's on his way up here
right now to stop you.
So we should go to a second location.
Can't stop now, we're on a hot streak!
I'll cash out and you bring
the truck around.
And if you could skid to a stop
when you pick me up,
- that would be badass.
- Okay. Got you.
I gotta get off this roof.
Frank needs me.
- Wait.
- No, no, no.
Don't go down there,
you'll let the bad guy up!
Nah, man, I'm getting that
"mom lifting a car"
adrenaline surge.
- Ahhh! I'm coming, Frank!
- What are you doing?
- No, no, no, no!
- Ahhhhh!
[CRASH]
- Shred?
- Oh.
I-I'll go look.
Shred never grew on me anyway.
Oh, God.
Did you know those
dog beds were there?
Yeah, but I didn't know the reason.
Which is hella dog pee.
I'm coming, Frank!
I'm glad he's okay
'cause he's not gonna have
health insurance next week.
Parker!
Where are you?
- Parker!
- Victoria.
These are privacy curtains.
Some foreign traveler could be
in need of privacy.
[PARKER] Victoria?
What's up, boss lady?
What are you doing at my place?
You think you broke up with me?
I did break up with you.
It was all in my note.
I knew I should've
written you a song instead.
No, I dumped you!
No. Sorry, babe. I don't get dumped.
- Never been.
- Neither have I.
You're both including
all middle school
and high school years in this count?
Is that my bandana?
Oh, yeah.
I took that to remind me
of our sunset horse ride,
plus all the blindfolded sex
we had, it's not a big deal.
Okay, if you're so convinced
that you threw me to the curb,
then why do you want a memento
of our relationship?
Okay, fine. Okay? Fine! It was mutual.
Okay, maybe kinda started by you.
And I'm saying all this stuff
right now to protect myself
because I'm hurting V,
and that bandana is
the last little bit of comfort
that I have that's from you.
Well, that's nice.
That's a nice thing to say.
So, thank you for saying that.
And I would like to say
that I am also hurting.
I know we both need to move on
so you can keep the bandana.
Maybe
I like the bandana better on you.
But now I can only
see you with my hands.
Exactly.
- [PARKER CHUCKLES]
- Guys, what is happening?
- One last sunset ride?
- Ooh, giddy up!
Em, you should go.
Or stay and I can teach you
some stuff if you wanna
No, I'll be in the car.
Can you get us some
electrolytes, please?
[MUFFLED] Mm-hmm!
Welcome to the Trash Palace.
Sanitation Department has
the hottest table in Seattle.
Oh. Take off your shoes.
Ironically, they're neat freaks.
Frank Shaw.
I still have your autographed
Detlef Schrempf jersey
from the last time you were here.
This is Sweet Mae.
She's a garbage person,
and a sanitation worker.
Been five years since you ran
outta here crying and vowing
you'd never play poker again.
6,000 in chips, please.
That's all our dough!
It's just to intimidate.
I'm only gonna bet
with the extra thousand.
Okay, you're starting to seem
like the kinda gambler
they don't show us
in casino commercials.
Okay.
I'm all in.
You said 1,000!
It's too much money.
No one's gonna call that.
Call.
- Huh.
- [SWEET MAE] Flip 'em, Frank.
[FRANK] Pocket sixes.
[LIFEGUARD] Two aces.
Okay, we just need one more six.
[SWEET MAE] Ace makes three.
And now two more sixes.
[DAISY WHIMPERS]
[SWEET MAE] There's your six.
Yes, six! Yes!
See, we are still in this, Daisy.
Come on! One more six! Come on!
Come on, please!
Oh, see? It's a six.
Everyone can see that.
I'm just gonna cash out
while I'm ahead.
Thank you guys, so
[SWEET MAE] Ahem!
You know, my little gherkin
was right about you.
You have a problem, Frank.
Never should have trusted you.
And which one of you stole my boots?
But you know what?
That's fine. That's fine.
'Cause I'm gonna take these.
They're better than mine anyway.
[SWEET MAE] Frank loses again.
Boy you're bad at this.
[FRANK] I didn't like
my grandpa's watch anyway.
Here's my truck keys. Reload my chips.
Now we're really playing.
That truck belongs to the city.
I'll say it's stolen.
If you hadn't lost your watch,
you'd know it was time to go.
Frank! Frank! Move.
[DAISY] In the two-three,
we never leave a man behind.
So I called your partner in
to talk some sense into you.
Wow, you brought the son
of a gambling addict
to a poker game.
Okay. My dad never gambled
with anything but his health.
He had bacon for breakfast every day,
and I never saw him
drink a glass of water.
The gambling stuff
is about your dad, Frank.
Yeah, of course it's about
my dad, and about his dad.
We're a family of degenerates.
- Now, give me your wallet.
- No, Frank. No!
This ends right now.
And if you're not gonna listen to me,
maybe you'll listen to him.
[CAT MEOWS]
Doc Whiskers.
I'm not gonna let you
bet your cat, you sick freak.
What have I done to you, my son?
You deserve better than a dad
who goes all in on a low pair.
I think we all learned
a valuable lesson.
So, in an act of solidarity,
let's give each other our money
back and depart friends.
Frank, you try that line
every time you lose.
Quit gambling.
And he shouldn't play poker
here anymore.
Isn't that right, Sweet Fay?
It's Sweet Mae. Sweet Mae Johansen.
Thank you.
Miss Johansen, your luck has run out.
Now, if you don't get Frank all
the money back that he lost,
I'm gonna send this
to the authorities.
Whi-whichever ones aren't here.
I want my watch back, too.
No, no, you keep the watch.
I'm sorry, Frank, but you have
to suffer a little bit.
Fine!
Let's go.
Leave the boy.
What?
[ENGINE REVS] Give me my Jellybean!
I mean, to go to these
lengths to get his dog back,
it is impressive commitment.
In many ways, giving him
the dog could be seen
as a good thing. Noble, even.
Okay, well, go ahead and run
the little guy down to him.
Again, you're reception, so
So how was that?
I got through about three
episodes of my podcast.
Pretty standard breakup sex.
Then I told him I'd be right back,
and I left him blindfolded.
What?
Wow. Okay.
All right. And and you're okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
Okay, good, good. I'm glad 'cause,
you know, you seemed
pretty upset about the whole
"he broke up with you" thing, but
- I'll stop asking.
- No, you can ask.
I mean, there's obviously
something there.
Maybe it's because I grew up
watching my older sister
get dumped by losers,
and it turned her into this
unconfident, insecure person
that she's not.
And I-I never wanna be like that.
Well, you never could be.
I mean, you're literally
the most confident person I know.
You almost started having sex
while I was still in the room.
Yeah, we drew a pretty
big crowd by the end.
Should've used those privacy curtains.
Yeah.
Anyway
I am so sorry that I let
boy problems ruin our girls night.
What? You didn't. You could never.
And our girls night
does not have to be over.
I'm just gonna pull into
the precinct real quick
'cause Patel always forgets
to lock the gate
Give me my Jellybean!
[ENGINE REVS]
What in the fresh heck is this?
Uh excuse me. How can I help you?
I'm here to get my dog.
We are obviously closed.
And I won't let another wanker
ruin our girls night.
[VICTORIA] I mean,
Parker wasn't a wanker.
He's he has a lot of
redeeming qualities.
He never kink-shamed me.
Give me back my dog!
Jeez!
You dumbasses are holding him hostage.
[BOTH] Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Okay, sir, you have
crossed the line there.
We take a sacred vow
to protect these animals.
So, if you really want
your dog back so bad,
you'll provide proof
of ownership on Monday morning
at 8:00 AM and not a second sooner.
Fine.
I'm going.
- That's it?
- Oh.
[JELLYBEAN BARKS]
Wait, is there someone up there?
- Wait
- [JELLYBEAN BARKS]
Bettany? Patel?
Where are your clothes?
Why are you on the roof?
- It's not what it looks like.
- We're having an affair.
Your pants better be on
by the time I get up there.
That was stupid.
[EMILY] There's a movie on in here?!
Who put a cortado on my desk?
I was already at the coffee place.
Don't make a big deal out of it.
I'm not.
Good.
This came in for Matt.
[VICTORIA] A ponytail wig?
That's the medical expense
that we all chipped in for.
That is a beautiful piece.
May I take it for a spin?
Thank you.
[PATEL] Bro you look good!
It's decided.
You're growing your hair out.
I can't believe I relapsed
for a $5,000 hairpiece.
You look a fool.
sync & corrections awaqeded