Happy Days (1974) s04e10 Episode Script
A.K.A. the Fonz
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
(chanting): Two, four, six, eight, who did we annihilate?
Sally's Knit and Yarn Shop! Hey, hey, hey!
We won, we won!
I don't believe it!
(whistle blows)
Ten-hut!
Whose ball is that?
That figures.
It'll probably end up being a meatball tomorrow.
Now hear this.
You're looking at the new Acting Sheriff.
Acting Sheriff?
Yeah, Kirk took over after
the untimely death of Sheriff Flanagan.
That's the last time he'll change a tire without a jack.
From now on, when you see this
badge, you'll snap to attention.
Is that clear? ALL (mumbling): Yes, sir.
I can't hear you!
CROWD (shouting): Yes, sir!
That's better.
Do you call that attention?
I was a 4-F.
Suck in that stomach, push out that chest,
pull in that nose.
Forget it you've done all you could.
"To all concerned:."
"This is no longer a wide-open town."
"The following hood elements are expected to be out of town"
"in 24 hours."
"Rocky Baruffi."
(murmured agreement)
"Knuckles Schultz."
That's even better he's really mean. Yeah.
"Fonzie Fonzarelli."
What?!
RICHIE: Come on, not Fonzie.
I wouldn't want to be the one to tell Fonzie to leave town.
What's that?
I said I wouldn't want to be the
one to tell Fonzie to leave town.
You got the cap, you got the badge, you do it.
You have been hanging around these kids too long.
A little kitchen inspection will straighten you out,
4-F draft dodger.
I got a deviated septum.
Evans, don't ever do that to me.
Kitchen duty is a little bit out of our territory,
Who is the sheriff?
You are.
Remember that.
KIRK: All right, inspection!
Move it out! Now! Hup two, hup two, hup!
Move it out!
(music playing on jukebox) POTSIE: Crazy.
What's that guy got against Fonzie?
You know, somebody ought to stand up to that bully.
You're right.
Hello? Give me the White House.
Hello, Ike
Hang up the phone, Ralph.
I just hung up on the president.
(girls shrieking)
Hold it.
Hey, girls, when you're doing that,
I want to hear, "Fonzie, Fonzie, he's our man" with gusto!
A little life!
GIRLS: Fonzie, Fonzie!
Fonz, Fonz, you've got to bend down.
You got to hide we'll talk to you in your office.
I want to tell you something: Sure.
This this better be important,
or you're going to leave my office through the pipes.
Bending ain't cool.
Cunningham
It's okay to stand up now.
Thank you very much.
I tell you something, this better be important,
you know, because three cheerleaders in the hand
is worth a lot more than three nerds in a john.
Fonz, Sheriff Kirk's been looking for you.
Hey, I don't know that?
He's like my shadow.
I lost him this morning in the cemetery
when his fender hit a tombstone.
That's a good one, Fonz.
(loud knocking on door)
KIRK: Open up in the name of the law!
What do we do?
Open up! He's going to throw tear gas!
My eyes get all red.
Let him in, cops have a right to use the john.
He's a bird ♪
He's a dog ♪
Hello, Kirk.
Hey, listen, bring your car by the garage sometime,
I'll get the granite out of your grill.
What are you doing in here anyway.
Oh, we're playing basketball.
Hey, put your arms out like this. What?
Two points.
(laughing)
Knock it off, knock it off!
Why aren't you guys in the army, anyway?
We're in high school.
That's no excuse, you pinkos!
March it out of here! Get it out.
Come on, Malph, you can't live in there!
Get it out of there, Malph!
Move it!
Hup, two, three, four, hup, two
That man sees pinkos everywhere.
What is wrong with Kirk? Oh, whoa.
Well, power makes him crazy.
I was in the Marine Corps with him.
And he tries to take every town single-handed.
San Diego, Chula Vista, Oceanside
All right, Fonzarelli, assume the position
and don't try any funny business.
All right, but if you tickle me,
I'm going to slap your face.
"Eileen Kirk, Granite 9"
That's my daughter's name!
What is my daughter's name doing on that wall?
Oh, I'm just kidding, it ain't up there.
It's in the Yellow Pages.
Ten-hut!
What's that in your pocket?
Oh, yeah, that's just a
Just reach in there with two fingers, Fonzarelli,
and bring it out slowly.
Watch him, Evans.
(chuckles)
Well, well, well,
carrying a concealed weapon:
The switchblade.
I never would have believed it.
(imitating Kirk): Yeah, well, well, well,
you caught me with the goods, didn't ya?
Yes, we did, Fonzarelli.
You're gonna spend a little time in the big house.
Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
'Cause I'm going to be the first man locked up
for carrying a concealed comb.
You see, Kirk, knives ain't cool, but combs are, huh?
Heyyy
I gotta wash my hands.
Get out of here, Cunningham!
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,
when did washing hands become against the law?
All right, you got away with it this time,
but you mark my words,
I'm going to run you out of town.
What did Fonzie do wrong?
I don't like the way he looks.
I'm hurt.
And I don't like the way he dresses.
Hey, just for that, I'm gonna date your daughter.
I'm gonna nail you, Fonzarelli.
I'm going to stick to you like glue.
I'm going to know every move you make.
Hey, that's great, maybe you're going to learn something.
I'm sorry, Fonz. Heyyy
KIRK: Evans, move it out!
I can't stand here all day waiting for you!
You're bugged, Fonz?
After all those jokes you were cracking?
He is pushing me.
I can't let him see that, but he is pushing me!
I can't let him get away with that.
Well, don't worry, Fonz,
because I'm on your side.
He's gone too far, I'm going to do something about this.
All right
you just don't get yourself in trouble, Red.
No, no, I am really steamed, and
this calls for drastic action.
.
That kid is a savage.
?
Hey, wait a minute, what's the television set doing
in the middle of the room, and why is my chair over there?
Well, you know the piano's coming tomorrow.
Yeah, but Marion, if I wanted my chair over there,
I would've put it there 20 years ago.
I'm going to make a lot of money giving piano lessons.
First, she needs a student.
No, first I need the piano.
Listen
Oh, dear, come on over here and sit down Oh, Dad.
And make yourself comfortable. Put your feet up.
Everything is just the same. All right, all right.
There's your chair. There's your paper.
There's your life.
Hey, hey, Mom, Dad, guess what?
The newspaper's gonna print my letter to the editor.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, I want you to hear it.
Listen to this: "Dear Editor"
You moved the furniture.
Boy, he'll write a letter about anything.
RICHIE: Mom Uh, dear.
"Dear Editor, are we going to sit idly by
"while newly-appointed Sheriff Kirk
carries on his reign of terror?"
Kirk took over for Flanagan?
Yeah, Flanagan got it changing a tire.
Splat! Ooh!
Joanie!
Richard, go on, dear.
RICHIE: Right.
"Will we let Kirk's
zealous, selective enforcement tactics"
I'm discovering new words.
Good, good.
Go on, Mr. Webster.
"Will we let will we let Kirk's
"zealous, selective enforcement tactics continue?
"Citizens of Milwaukee, our rights are being threatened.
"Will we stand for this?
I say no!"
No. No, no.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Tell me something, what have you got against Kirk?
Well, he's been harassing Fonzie.
He wants to run Fonzie out of town
because he says he's a hood.
Arthur a hood?
Now that's just silly.
He eats all his vegetables.
Marion, we have a problem here.
Dad, I think you're going to have to try
and do something about this.
Well, now, what do you suggest I do?
Well, you could bribe him.
What?!
Kidding.
Dad, I think you should call a special meeting
of the Leopard Lodge.
You're always saying how influential they are.
Oh, they are.
Who put the net at the bottom of Lover's Leap?
Richard, has Sheriff Kirk stepped outside the law
in this thing with Fonzie?
Well, no, but he's driving Fonzie crazy.
And Fonzie's talking about doing something pretty desperate.
Oh, listen, Richard, you're
overreacting to this whole thing.
Fonzie is perfectly capable of handling the situation.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, who is it?
Fonzie.
Fonzie, I almost didn't recognize you.
Arthur, you look so
What a lovely tie.
Yeah, I, I came down
to borrow one of, uh, Mr. C's funny shirts,
you know, with the collars and
the buttons and the cuffs and
Would you ask him not to stare at me?
He likes tweed.
Sit down, Richie.
Well, Arthur, aren't you going to tell us
why you're getting all spiffy?
Well, Officer Kirk, you know, he follows me
up to Inspiration Point.
Does he just stand there and peek?
Hey, worse.
He tries to give my chicks tickets
for lewd and indecent behavior.
Fonz, dressing up like this isn't right.
It's like you're giving up.
Giving up nothing.
I got a date with the Hooper triplets tonight, you know?
Dressed like this,
Officer Kirk's gonna leave me alone.
So will the Hooper triplets.
They'll adjust. They'll adjust.
Fonz, if you do this tonight, then Kirk will beat you.
So will the Hooper triplets.
Listen, Fonzie, you don't have to do this.
I can call a special meeting of the Leopards
and we'll get Kirk off your back.
So will the Hooper triplets.
Joanie! Joanie! Joanie
I can't help it.
He looks like Harold Snyder.
(laughs) Harold Snyder, it's true.
All right, all right, all right.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute who?
Harold Snyder.
He's the creepy kid in my class with a runny nose.
All right.
That does it for this costume right here.
Give this to Harold Snyder.
Tell him to wipe his nose.
I must have been crazy!
The Fonz changes for no man!
Hey! Oh!
.
He's the best at this game.
Look at him.
(laughs)
Well, Fonzie's not here yet.
Well, we better start the meeting.
He can testify when he gets here.
All right, fellas, come on.
Okay (gavel bangs)
This special meeting of the Citizen's Committee
of the Leopard's Lodge will now come to order.
I got a good one for you.
Why did the moron put the chicken in hot water?
Why? Because he wanted hard-boiled eggs.
(cackles)
Great one!
Yeah, uh, Ralph,
would you and your dad please sit down, huh?
We have a lot of fun together.
(tapping gavel) Fellas
Please, it's getting late
and we've got to get this meeting going on now.
We've got some very important business to discuss here.
Right, right we've got to make a decision
about these bowling shirts here.
No, wait a minute we're here to discuss
the Sheriff Kirk problem.
We've got to make a decision on these
bowling shirts tonight or it's going to wind up
like last year, shirts versus skins.
If I'm not "shirt," I'm not bowling.
Now he's not allowed to talk.
He's not even a Leopard.
That's right, you're a pledge.
(mouthing)
HOWARD: All right, now, look, fellas,
please, we've got to discuss this
business of Sheriff Kirk harassing Fonzie.
You mean I gobbled my dinner
because some hood is being harassed?
He's entitled to the same rights
as any other member of this community.
Well, I think a cop is doing a good job
if he's picking on a hood.
Yeah, but what's to stop that cop
from picking on any one of us?
He wouldn't dare.
HOWARD: All right, look,
now, we'll start the testimony.
Potsie, you start off.
Huh? Oh, all right, uh
I'll take a medium bowling shirt.
Okay, Potsie, that's fine.
Ralph, why don't you talk?
Let Ralph go ahead. Yeah.
(clears throat)
Last night, Fonzie came
up to Inspiration Point with the Hooper triplets:
Happy, Joy, and Sunny.
Happy, Joy, and Sunny?
Believe me, Mr. C., they are.
Come on, Ralph.
This meeting is
supposed to be about Sheriff Kirk.
He's harassing Fonz, and he's not supposed to be
able to get away with bullying people.
This is a democracy.
Didn't we learn our lesson with Senator McCarthy?
I voted for Senator McCarthy!
(doorbell rings) I wonder who that could be.
I don't vote, I'm in business.
Well, you should vote.
I want to tell you something right now.
MR. MALPH: I'm in business; I vote.
(all talking at once)
(whistle blows)
This looks like a 6-14 to me.
But we're just having a meeting.
Unlawful assembly.
Well, what's unlawful about it?
No American flag.
What?
Oh, this is a joke, right?
(both laughing)
Aren't you Malph, the optometrist?
That's right.
I'm Mickey Malph.
You have that sign outside your office, don't you?
You mean my neon eyeball?
It sticks out too far. Take it down.
Take down my eyeball?
Oh, no.
I love that eyeball, Dad.
It was a wedding gift from my aunt.
Sit down, Malph. Yes, sir.
You too, Mickey.
Al, forget about dancing in your place.
I'm canceling your permit.
What permit?
And Bob, forget about double-parking your hearse.
But how am I going to make my deliveries?
Couldn't happen to any one of us, huh?
Oh, and, uh, Cunningham
You don't have to tell me, my loading zone is cancelled.
Right. Yeah.
It's now a bus stop.
All right, I guess that covers everything for now.
Any questions?
Well, I suppose that breaks up the meeting.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We could still go to the mayor.
Yeah, you go to the mayor.
Nobody touches my eyeball.
I'm in business.
Well, Mr. C., don't give up yet.
I'm going to talk some more to my dad.
Yeah, I'm going to talk to my dad, too.
It'll be the first time in six months.
How long you gonna keep this up, Kirk?
KIRK: Until this town is rid of Fonzarelli
and everybody like him.
What is it?
What have you got against him?
I don't like the way he looks,
and I don't like the way he dresses.
Oh, that's ridiculous. So is your hat.
La, la ♪
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I don't understand everything you're saying,
but I'm getting your drift.
Kirk's trying to get to me now, through my friends.
I know what I gotta do.
Don't do anything rash, Fonz.
Yeah, yeah do me a favor, will you?
You tell Kirk to meet me down at Arnold's 12:00 midnight.
Sharp.
I'll take care of this.
I'll take care
Al?
Where are you, Al?
Where's Al?
I asked for some privacy.
There are some people that trust the Fonz.
(snickers)
I guess this is a showdown, Kirk.
I'm ready, Fonzarelli.
I'm ready. You don't scare me.
Al?
Officer Evans?
Maybe we ought to talk about this outside
on the street, in a crowd, out there.
Why don't you just cool it, Kirk?
"Cool it"?
What does that mean?
That means why don't you grab yourself together here?
I'm going to leave town tonight.
You're leaving town?
Wait a minute, this is a trick.
Hey, there are no tricks.
You lay off my friends, I'll leave town.
You mean, if I leave your friends alone
That's right, as long as Mr. C.
Gets back his loading zone, I'll leave town.
He'll get his loading zone.
Hey, don't point at me. That's not polite.
They all said you were so tough.
You're a beaten man, Fonzarelli.
Whatever you say, Crew Cut.
s
and leather jackets.
Oh, yeah? What about me, Kirk?
You run Fonzie out of town,
I'll be taking his place.
If you've come looking for a one-way ticket
out of Milwaukee, you came to the right place, fella.
You might even run me out of town, Kirk,
but there'll be another one to take my place.
And another one!
You won't be able to get rid of us.
They'll come from all walks of life:
Store owners.
Children.
Teenagers.
Housewives.
They'll be everywhere, Kirk.
Merchants and townspeople.
Until, at last, there'll be a sea of leather jackets,
and they'll put an end to tyranny and injustice
throughout the world.
Whoa, I feel like I'm in a World War II movie
and the sky's full of planes.
What is this?
What is this, some kind of a Commie plot?
We're not Commies, Kirk, and we're not hoods,
and neither is Fonzie.
What gives you the right to decide how people
should look and how they should live their lives?
Who died and left you boss?
Sheriff Flanagan.
Now, this is all unnecessary, folks.
All unnecessary.
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Fonzarelli here has volunteered to leave town.
(group murmuring)
Hey, hey, hey, hey hold it, hold it, hold it.
I see I've got a lot of friends here.
I decided to stay.
Hello, neighbor.
All right.
All right, you people got to make up your minds.
You've got to choose.
You've got to choose between him
and your loading zones.
And your eyeballs.
And your hearse! Yeah.
You gotta choose, right now! Choose!
Bad choice!
I've got to tell you something, Kirk.
We're having a private little get-together her.
Unless you have a warrant,
I don't think you're particularly invited.
Al, I'm ticketing you for unlawful assembly.
I got my flag
and my dance permit.
What am I supposed to do with this?
Sit on it, Kirk.
There we go!
(crowd cheering)
Hey, uh
I gotta tell you something.
I really thank you very much
for what you did for me, you know?
Yeah, well, you know, we didn't really
do it just for you; We did it
for ourselves, too. Hey, hey, I know that, I know that.
But, uh I'm very happy.
You know, grateful.
Yeah.
Touched.
And, uh, I tell you, I wish I had a camera right now
to take a picture of you, 'cause this is the last time
I want to see you dressed like me, 'cause you look silly.
Bye-bye, love ♪
Bye-bye, happiness ♪
Hello, loneliness ♪
I think I'm gonna cry ♪
Bye-bye, love ♪
Yeah yeah, okay,
thanks for calling us, Officer Evans.
Yeah, bye-bye.
Boy, I tell you, that Evans is one good policeman.
You know he went right to the mayor,
told him the whole story,
and now Kirk is a crossing guard
at the Madison Elementary School.
Great, a bunch of little kids will learn how to march.
Well, I'm glad we're going to get another sheriff.
I'm glad I'm not losing my loading zone.
I'm glad I didn't lose the Hooper triplets.
Come on, now that dinner's over,
let's try out the piano.
Oh. Good.
I am taking requests.
(plays glissando)
How about "Rock Around the Clock," Mom?
That's a little after my time, Joanie.
Yeah. Sweetheart, play my favorite, will you?
"Moonlight Bay."
(piano plays) "Moonlight Bay" coming up.
Along That's it.
MARION & HOWARD: On moonlight bay ♪
Not the river but the bay ♪
We could hear the voices singing ♪
They seemed to say ♪
Seemed to say, seemed to say ♪
You have stolen my heart ♪
Now don't go 'way ♪
I love middle-class families.
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
. ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
(chanting): Two, four, six, eight, who did we annihilate?
Sally's Knit and Yarn Shop! Hey, hey, hey!
We won, we won!
I don't believe it!
(whistle blows)
Ten-hut!
Whose ball is that?
That figures.
It'll probably end up being a meatball tomorrow.
Now hear this.
You're looking at the new Acting Sheriff.
Acting Sheriff?
Yeah, Kirk took over after
the untimely death of Sheriff Flanagan.
That's the last time he'll change a tire without a jack.
From now on, when you see this
badge, you'll snap to attention.
Is that clear? ALL (mumbling): Yes, sir.
I can't hear you!
CROWD (shouting): Yes, sir!
That's better.
Do you call that attention?
I was a 4-F.
Suck in that stomach, push out that chest,
pull in that nose.
Forget it you've done all you could.
"To all concerned:."
"This is no longer a wide-open town."
"The following hood elements are expected to be out of town"
"in 24 hours."
"Rocky Baruffi."
(murmured agreement)
"Knuckles Schultz."
That's even better he's really mean. Yeah.
"Fonzie Fonzarelli."
What?!
RICHIE: Come on, not Fonzie.
I wouldn't want to be the one to tell Fonzie to leave town.
What's that?
I said I wouldn't want to be the
one to tell Fonzie to leave town.
You got the cap, you got the badge, you do it.
You have been hanging around these kids too long.
A little kitchen inspection will straighten you out,
4-F draft dodger.
I got a deviated septum.
Evans, don't ever do that to me.
Kitchen duty is a little bit out of our territory,
Who is the sheriff?
You are.
Remember that.
KIRK: All right, inspection!
Move it out! Now! Hup two, hup two, hup!
Move it out!
(music playing on jukebox) POTSIE: Crazy.
What's that guy got against Fonzie?
You know, somebody ought to stand up to that bully.
You're right.
Hello? Give me the White House.
Hello, Ike
Hang up the phone, Ralph.
I just hung up on the president.
(girls shrieking)
Hold it.
Hey, girls, when you're doing that,
I want to hear, "Fonzie, Fonzie, he's our man" with gusto!
A little life!
GIRLS: Fonzie, Fonzie!
Fonz, Fonz, you've got to bend down.
You got to hide we'll talk to you in your office.
I want to tell you something: Sure.
This this better be important,
or you're going to leave my office through the pipes.
Bending ain't cool.
Cunningham
It's okay to stand up now.
Thank you very much.
I tell you something, this better be important,
you know, because three cheerleaders in the hand
is worth a lot more than three nerds in a john.
Fonz, Sheriff Kirk's been looking for you.
Hey, I don't know that?
He's like my shadow.
I lost him this morning in the cemetery
when his fender hit a tombstone.
That's a good one, Fonz.
(loud knocking on door)
KIRK: Open up in the name of the law!
What do we do?
Open up! He's going to throw tear gas!
My eyes get all red.
Let him in, cops have a right to use the john.
He's a bird ♪
He's a dog ♪
Hello, Kirk.
Hey, listen, bring your car by the garage sometime,
I'll get the granite out of your grill.
What are you doing in here anyway.
Oh, we're playing basketball.
Hey, put your arms out like this. What?
Two points.
(laughing)
Knock it off, knock it off!
Why aren't you guys in the army, anyway?
We're in high school.
That's no excuse, you pinkos!
March it out of here! Get it out.
Come on, Malph, you can't live in there!
Get it out of there, Malph!
Move it!
Hup, two, three, four, hup, two
That man sees pinkos everywhere.
What is wrong with Kirk? Oh, whoa.
Well, power makes him crazy.
I was in the Marine Corps with him.
And he tries to take every town single-handed.
San Diego, Chula Vista, Oceanside
All right, Fonzarelli, assume the position
and don't try any funny business.
All right, but if you tickle me,
I'm going to slap your face.
"Eileen Kirk, Granite 9"
That's my daughter's name!
What is my daughter's name doing on that wall?
Oh, I'm just kidding, it ain't up there.
It's in the Yellow Pages.
Ten-hut!
What's that in your pocket?
Oh, yeah, that's just a
Just reach in there with two fingers, Fonzarelli,
and bring it out slowly.
Watch him, Evans.
(chuckles)
Well, well, well,
carrying a concealed weapon:
The switchblade.
I never would have believed it.
(imitating Kirk): Yeah, well, well, well,
you caught me with the goods, didn't ya?
Yes, we did, Fonzarelli.
You're gonna spend a little time in the big house.
Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
'Cause I'm going to be the first man locked up
for carrying a concealed comb.
You see, Kirk, knives ain't cool, but combs are, huh?
Heyyy
I gotta wash my hands.
Get out of here, Cunningham!
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,
when did washing hands become against the law?
All right, you got away with it this time,
but you mark my words,
I'm going to run you out of town.
What did Fonzie do wrong?
I don't like the way he looks.
I'm hurt.
And I don't like the way he dresses.
Hey, just for that, I'm gonna date your daughter.
I'm gonna nail you, Fonzarelli.
I'm going to stick to you like glue.
I'm going to know every move you make.
Hey, that's great, maybe you're going to learn something.
I'm sorry, Fonz. Heyyy
KIRK: Evans, move it out!
I can't stand here all day waiting for you!
You're bugged, Fonz?
After all those jokes you were cracking?
He is pushing me.
I can't let him see that, but he is pushing me!
I can't let him get away with that.
Well, don't worry, Fonz,
because I'm on your side.
He's gone too far, I'm going to do something about this.
All right
you just don't get yourself in trouble, Red.
No, no, I am really steamed, and
this calls for drastic action.
.
That kid is a savage.
?
Hey, wait a minute, what's the television set doing
in the middle of the room, and why is my chair over there?
Well, you know the piano's coming tomorrow.
Yeah, but Marion, if I wanted my chair over there,
I would've put it there 20 years ago.
I'm going to make a lot of money giving piano lessons.
First, she needs a student.
No, first I need the piano.
Listen
Oh, dear, come on over here and sit down Oh, Dad.
And make yourself comfortable. Put your feet up.
Everything is just the same. All right, all right.
There's your chair. There's your paper.
There's your life.
Hey, hey, Mom, Dad, guess what?
The newspaper's gonna print my letter to the editor.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, I want you to hear it.
Listen to this: "Dear Editor"
You moved the furniture.
Boy, he'll write a letter about anything.
RICHIE: Mom Uh, dear.
"Dear Editor, are we going to sit idly by
"while newly-appointed Sheriff Kirk
carries on his reign of terror?"
Kirk took over for Flanagan?
Yeah, Flanagan got it changing a tire.
Splat! Ooh!
Joanie!
Richard, go on, dear.
RICHIE: Right.
"Will we let Kirk's
zealous, selective enforcement tactics"
I'm discovering new words.
Good, good.
Go on, Mr. Webster.
"Will we let will we let Kirk's
"zealous, selective enforcement tactics continue?
"Citizens of Milwaukee, our rights are being threatened.
"Will we stand for this?
I say no!"
No. No, no.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Tell me something, what have you got against Kirk?
Well, he's been harassing Fonzie.
He wants to run Fonzie out of town
because he says he's a hood.
Arthur a hood?
Now that's just silly.
He eats all his vegetables.
Marion, we have a problem here.
Dad, I think you're going to have to try
and do something about this.
Well, now, what do you suggest I do?
Well, you could bribe him.
What?!
Kidding.
Dad, I think you should call a special meeting
of the Leopard Lodge.
You're always saying how influential they are.
Oh, they are.
Who put the net at the bottom of Lover's Leap?
Richard, has Sheriff Kirk stepped outside the law
in this thing with Fonzie?
Well, no, but he's driving Fonzie crazy.
And Fonzie's talking about doing something pretty desperate.
Oh, listen, Richard, you're
overreacting to this whole thing.
Fonzie is perfectly capable of handling the situation.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, who is it?
Fonzie.
Fonzie, I almost didn't recognize you.
Arthur, you look so
What a lovely tie.
Yeah, I, I came down
to borrow one of, uh, Mr. C's funny shirts,
you know, with the collars and
the buttons and the cuffs and
Would you ask him not to stare at me?
He likes tweed.
Sit down, Richie.
Well, Arthur, aren't you going to tell us
why you're getting all spiffy?
Well, Officer Kirk, you know, he follows me
up to Inspiration Point.
Does he just stand there and peek?
Hey, worse.
He tries to give my chicks tickets
for lewd and indecent behavior.
Fonz, dressing up like this isn't right.
It's like you're giving up.
Giving up nothing.
I got a date with the Hooper triplets tonight, you know?
Dressed like this,
Officer Kirk's gonna leave me alone.
So will the Hooper triplets.
They'll adjust. They'll adjust.
Fonz, if you do this tonight, then Kirk will beat you.
So will the Hooper triplets.
Listen, Fonzie, you don't have to do this.
I can call a special meeting of the Leopards
and we'll get Kirk off your back.
So will the Hooper triplets.
Joanie! Joanie! Joanie
I can't help it.
He looks like Harold Snyder.
(laughs) Harold Snyder, it's true.
All right, all right, all right.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute who?
Harold Snyder.
He's the creepy kid in my class with a runny nose.
All right.
That does it for this costume right here.
Give this to Harold Snyder.
Tell him to wipe his nose.
I must have been crazy!
The Fonz changes for no man!
Hey! Oh!
.
He's the best at this game.
Look at him.
(laughs)
Well, Fonzie's not here yet.
Well, we better start the meeting.
He can testify when he gets here.
All right, fellas, come on.
Okay (gavel bangs)
This special meeting of the Citizen's Committee
of the Leopard's Lodge will now come to order.
I got a good one for you.
Why did the moron put the chicken in hot water?
Why? Because he wanted hard-boiled eggs.
(cackles)
Great one!
Yeah, uh, Ralph,
would you and your dad please sit down, huh?
We have a lot of fun together.
(tapping gavel) Fellas
Please, it's getting late
and we've got to get this meeting going on now.
We've got some very important business to discuss here.
Right, right we've got to make a decision
about these bowling shirts here.
No, wait a minute we're here to discuss
the Sheriff Kirk problem.
We've got to make a decision on these
bowling shirts tonight or it's going to wind up
like last year, shirts versus skins.
If I'm not "shirt," I'm not bowling.
Now he's not allowed to talk.
He's not even a Leopard.
That's right, you're a pledge.
(mouthing)
HOWARD: All right, now, look, fellas,
please, we've got to discuss this
business of Sheriff Kirk harassing Fonzie.
You mean I gobbled my dinner
because some hood is being harassed?
He's entitled to the same rights
as any other member of this community.
Well, I think a cop is doing a good job
if he's picking on a hood.
Yeah, but what's to stop that cop
from picking on any one of us?
He wouldn't dare.
HOWARD: All right, look,
now, we'll start the testimony.
Potsie, you start off.
Huh? Oh, all right, uh
I'll take a medium bowling shirt.
Okay, Potsie, that's fine.
Ralph, why don't you talk?
Let Ralph go ahead. Yeah.
(clears throat)
Last night, Fonzie came
up to Inspiration Point with the Hooper triplets:
Happy, Joy, and Sunny.
Happy, Joy, and Sunny?
Believe me, Mr. C., they are.
Come on, Ralph.
This meeting is
supposed to be about Sheriff Kirk.
He's harassing Fonz, and he's not supposed to be
able to get away with bullying people.
This is a democracy.
Didn't we learn our lesson with Senator McCarthy?
I voted for Senator McCarthy!
(doorbell rings) I wonder who that could be.
I don't vote, I'm in business.
Well, you should vote.
I want to tell you something right now.
MR. MALPH: I'm in business; I vote.
(all talking at once)
(whistle blows)
This looks like a 6-14 to me.
But we're just having a meeting.
Unlawful assembly.
Well, what's unlawful about it?
No American flag.
What?
Oh, this is a joke, right?
(both laughing)
Aren't you Malph, the optometrist?
That's right.
I'm Mickey Malph.
You have that sign outside your office, don't you?
You mean my neon eyeball?
It sticks out too far. Take it down.
Take down my eyeball?
Oh, no.
I love that eyeball, Dad.
It was a wedding gift from my aunt.
Sit down, Malph. Yes, sir.
You too, Mickey.
Al, forget about dancing in your place.
I'm canceling your permit.
What permit?
And Bob, forget about double-parking your hearse.
But how am I going to make my deliveries?
Couldn't happen to any one of us, huh?
Oh, and, uh, Cunningham
You don't have to tell me, my loading zone is cancelled.
Right. Yeah.
It's now a bus stop.
All right, I guess that covers everything for now.
Any questions?
Well, I suppose that breaks up the meeting.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We could still go to the mayor.
Yeah, you go to the mayor.
Nobody touches my eyeball.
I'm in business.
Well, Mr. C., don't give up yet.
I'm going to talk some more to my dad.
Yeah, I'm going to talk to my dad, too.
It'll be the first time in six months.
How long you gonna keep this up, Kirk?
KIRK: Until this town is rid of Fonzarelli
and everybody like him.
What is it?
What have you got against him?
I don't like the way he looks,
and I don't like the way he dresses.
Oh, that's ridiculous. So is your hat.
La, la ♪
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I don't understand everything you're saying,
but I'm getting your drift.
Kirk's trying to get to me now, through my friends.
I know what I gotta do.
Don't do anything rash, Fonz.
Yeah, yeah do me a favor, will you?
You tell Kirk to meet me down at Arnold's 12:00 midnight.
Sharp.
I'll take care of this.
I'll take care
Al?
Where are you, Al?
Where's Al?
I asked for some privacy.
There are some people that trust the Fonz.
(snickers)
I guess this is a showdown, Kirk.
I'm ready, Fonzarelli.
I'm ready. You don't scare me.
Al?
Officer Evans?
Maybe we ought to talk about this outside
on the street, in a crowd, out there.
Why don't you just cool it, Kirk?
"Cool it"?
What does that mean?
That means why don't you grab yourself together here?
I'm going to leave town tonight.
You're leaving town?
Wait a minute, this is a trick.
Hey, there are no tricks.
You lay off my friends, I'll leave town.
You mean, if I leave your friends alone
That's right, as long as Mr. C.
Gets back his loading zone, I'll leave town.
He'll get his loading zone.
Hey, don't point at me. That's not polite.
They all said you were so tough.
You're a beaten man, Fonzarelli.
Whatever you say, Crew Cut.
s
and leather jackets.
Oh, yeah? What about me, Kirk?
You run Fonzie out of town,
I'll be taking his place.
If you've come looking for a one-way ticket
out of Milwaukee, you came to the right place, fella.
You might even run me out of town, Kirk,
but there'll be another one to take my place.
And another one!
You won't be able to get rid of us.
They'll come from all walks of life:
Store owners.
Children.
Teenagers.
Housewives.
They'll be everywhere, Kirk.
Merchants and townspeople.
Until, at last, there'll be a sea of leather jackets,
and they'll put an end to tyranny and injustice
throughout the world.
Whoa, I feel like I'm in a World War II movie
and the sky's full of planes.
What is this?
What is this, some kind of a Commie plot?
We're not Commies, Kirk, and we're not hoods,
and neither is Fonzie.
What gives you the right to decide how people
should look and how they should live their lives?
Who died and left you boss?
Sheriff Flanagan.
Now, this is all unnecessary, folks.
All unnecessary.
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Fonzarelli here has volunteered to leave town.
(group murmuring)
Hey, hey, hey, hey hold it, hold it, hold it.
I see I've got a lot of friends here.
I decided to stay.
Hello, neighbor.
All right.
All right, you people got to make up your minds.
You've got to choose.
You've got to choose between him
and your loading zones.
And your eyeballs.
And your hearse! Yeah.
You gotta choose, right now! Choose!
Bad choice!
I've got to tell you something, Kirk.
We're having a private little get-together her.
Unless you have a warrant,
I don't think you're particularly invited.
Al, I'm ticketing you for unlawful assembly.
I got my flag
and my dance permit.
What am I supposed to do with this?
Sit on it, Kirk.
There we go!
(crowd cheering)
Hey, uh
I gotta tell you something.
I really thank you very much
for what you did for me, you know?
Yeah, well, you know, we didn't really
do it just for you; We did it
for ourselves, too. Hey, hey, I know that, I know that.
But, uh I'm very happy.
You know, grateful.
Yeah.
Touched.
And, uh, I tell you, I wish I had a camera right now
to take a picture of you, 'cause this is the last time
I want to see you dressed like me, 'cause you look silly.
Bye-bye, love ♪
Bye-bye, happiness ♪
Hello, loneliness ♪
I think I'm gonna cry ♪
Bye-bye, love ♪
Yeah yeah, okay,
thanks for calling us, Officer Evans.
Yeah, bye-bye.
Boy, I tell you, that Evans is one good policeman.
You know he went right to the mayor,
told him the whole story,
and now Kirk is a crossing guard
at the Madison Elementary School.
Great, a bunch of little kids will learn how to march.
Well, I'm glad we're going to get another sheriff.
I'm glad I'm not losing my loading zone.
I'm glad I didn't lose the Hooper triplets.
Come on, now that dinner's over,
let's try out the piano.
Oh. Good.
I am taking requests.
(plays glissando)
How about "Rock Around the Clock," Mom?
That's a little after my time, Joanie.
Yeah. Sweetheart, play my favorite, will you?
"Moonlight Bay."
(piano plays) "Moonlight Bay" coming up.
Along That's it.
MARION & HOWARD: On moonlight bay ♪
Not the river but the bay ♪
We could hear the voices singing ♪
They seemed to say ♪
Seemed to say, seemed to say ♪
You have stolen my heart ♪
Now don't go 'way ♪
I love middle-class families.
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
. ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪