Happy Days (1974) s04e11 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
.
We've only had it for a hundred years.
It matches together there.
Oh, boy.
Mom, it's two weeks before Christmas.
Why are we getting the tree now?
Well, your father found a bargain.
We're just going to decorate the house.
Oh, Marion, we got a beauty!
Much better than last year.
I hope you can get it in the door.
Yeah, yeah, we got it.
All right, Richie, now you
lift it high.
Now, on the count of three, Richie,
I'm going to pull it through.
Are you ready? One, two, three.
Attaboy, Richie.
How did you, uh?
Want some popcorn, Dad?
No.
Are you eating again? Yeah.
Marion, lend me hand with this, will you?
Yes, dear.
What is the matter with him?
He's been acting so strange lately.
Maybe it's the fluoride in the water.
MARION: It must be another girl problem.
Marion, I think maybe I ought to
have a talk with Richard alone, huh?
Come on, Joanie, upstairs.
I bet Ginny Picalow knows all of this.
How am I ever going to become an adult?
The same way I did, very slowly.
Aw
Richard.
Could I talk to you for a minute?
Mm. Sure, Dad.
Listen, uh,
there's a rumor going around
that you've got a crush on somebody.
Oh, brother!
Why does everybody always have to dig around
in my personal affairs?
You know, there are some things
that are private to a guy, Dad.
Okay, just forget about it.
No, you brought it up, you've got to hear about it.
Dad, I got to tell you about this.
This thing is driving me bananas.
I can see that.
Oh, Dad, I fell in love.
Well, that's normal.
I fell in love with a poster.
Oh that's not normal, that's craziness!
Oh, that's not crazy
that is beautiful.
The Wisconsin Cola Girl, huh?
Hey, where did you meet her?
I haven't.
Oh, now I know why you've been eating so much lately.
I went through the same thing once.
One summer I gained 14 pounds
when I fell in love with Jean Harlow.
Dad, you fell in love with Jean Harlow? Yeah.
And you thought about her all the time?
All the time.
And you even dreamt about her?
Even dreamt about her.
Did you wake up all tense?
None of your business.
Dad, Dad, just let me tell you about my dream.
I know that dream, Richard.
No, no, I am not talking about that, Dad.
See, the dream goes like this.
She's the way she is in the poster here, see,
and I come up to her, and she says, "Hiya, handsome.
Where have you been all my life?"
See, and then I begin to answer her
(imitating Humphrey Bogart): I've
been waiting for you, sweetheart.
(normal voice): Humphrey Bogart.
Yeah, that's good, Dad, but that's not what I say.
No?
See, that's my problem.
I don't know what I say.
In the dream, I always wake up
right before I'm about to-to tell her some great line,
and just once, I'd like to hear what it is I say to her.
Richard, your problem is not an unusual one.
I mean, you shouldn't be embarrassed about it.
Everybody has dreams.
Listen, why don't you talk it over with your friends.
They're not going to laugh at you.
(laughing)
Cunningham, are you serious?
I mean, having dreams about a poster?
(laughing)
It's a dream, Fonz. Didn't you ever have dreams?
Hey, wait a minute, Cunningham.
I am not a dreamer.
I am the dreamee.
She's so beautiful.
She's so beautiful, I can't get her out of my mind.
I'll tell you something, I cannot believe this.
After all these years of training,
you've fallen in love with a poster.
It's unnatural, I'm telling you, Rich, it's unnatural.
What do you want to do, get married, have little postcards?
So beautiful. Cunningham, Cunningham
(phone ringing) Excuse me.
She's so beautiful.
Speak, beautiful.
Yeah, of course it's on for tonight.
Yeah, of course I'm still ticklish.
(coin clinking in slot) Oh.
Okay, so the thing is
you can't do that with a poster,
you understand what I'm talking about?
You got to go for real chicks, huh, huh?
Look at her, Fonz.
This already is not bad.
All right, all right, all right, that's okay, all right,
she's a very pretty girl,
but, uh, see pictures don't tell
you everything you want to know,
like what about her head? She might be an empty noodle.
No, no. No chance of that.
She finished top ten in her class. Uh-huh?
All right, all right, so she's not an empty noodle.
All right, she's a smart chick, right? Yeah.
Let me tell you something about smart chicks
dull, very, very dull.
Well, in this article here
says she likes swimming,
horseback riding, and motorcycles.
She likes motorcycles.
It's hopeless, huh?
No, wait a minute, I'll find something,
I'll find something, just wait a minute.
All right, all right,
from the waist up she looks like Jayne Mansfield, right?
She sure does.
What about from the waist down?
She could be Daffy Duck.
What are you, a walking scrapbook?
Huh?
Uh-huh. All right, all right,
I've got one more piece of advice for you, Rich.
Whatever you do lie, cheat, steal
you meet this chick! This is no Daffy Duck here!
(door opens, then closes)
A lot of traffic downtown.
Where have you been?
We had to drive three blocks
before I found a meter with some time left on it.
I would have given you a penny.
Where's Potsie?
He'll be right up.
They made him use the service entrance.
Oh, great.
All right, all right, now listen.
We've got to try and fool this guy,
so I can get my poster girl's telephone number.
Right. We've got to pretend like
(intercom buzzes) we're sophisticated, hardware businessmen.
Exactly. So no clowning, Ralph.
Does this look like the cigar of a clown?
(door buzzes open)
Thank you for seeing us.
Right. J.B., want me to shut the door?
No, don't bother, I've got it.
(door hums)
That's great!
Can I see that again? No.
I've got to get that for my car.
All right, boys, let's get at the business at hand.
I've a modeling agency to run here.
Right, J.B.
J.B., I represent
the Inter-Global Advertising Agency, and this is
my very wealthy client, Richard Cunningham III,
of Cunningham Hardware Enterprises.
Aren't you boys a little young
to get involved in business?
"Young"? (Ralph and Richie laugh)
That's what they said about Adolphe Menjou.
They did?
J.B., we have an idea here,
and we think it could be big.
Now, you've no doubt heard
of the Cunningham Hardware chain?
I can't say that I have.
You haven't?
Well, really, B.J
J.B.
J.B., right.
See, the reason you haven't heard of us
is because we're a secret.
Can I see that door trick again?
Ah, leave my button alone.
Right. Show him the map, R.C.
Right. Look at this map.
See all the dots here?
They represent future locations
of Cunningham Hardware stores throughout the world.
Hmm. What are these, uh, red lines?
Oh, those are the voyages of Magellan.
Very interesting interesting.
Magellan?
You see, the Cunninghams were
the first family to sell pliers to the Indians.
That's crazy! I know.
That's what the Indians thought
until we sold them nuts and bolts.
(chuckles): Yeah.
Well, enough history. Right.
Now, on to the business at hand.
Yes, we're starting our campaign
with a big Christmas push.
"Hardware for the Hubby," do you get it?
Hmm. Yeah.
Now we've been scouring the country,
looking for the right Mr. and Mrs. Tool.
We think we've found half of our team already.
R.M.?
R.M.?
(mouths words)
Ralph Malph!
(laughs)
I like that.
R.M., right.
J.B., R.M.
Meet Mr. Tool.
(a la "Mr.Sandman"): Mr. Tool Man, lend me a wrench ♪
And I'll be over to build you a bench, yeah! ♪
Let's hear it for Mr. Tool!
Credible. Yes, we knew he'd impress you.
Shall I play my saw now?
Uh, that's enough, Mr. Tool.
As we were saying,
we believe we've found our Mrs. Tool
right here in Milwaukee.
Who is it?
The Wisconsin Cola Girl.
J.B.: Angela Buvay,
a very busy girl.
Won't be available for a couple of months.
She won't?
Well listen, J.B., uh
couldn't you just bring her up here
and let us meet her, you know?
Uh, well, we came all this way,
and, and she's, she's so beautiful.
I've got to meet Angela Buvay.
Okay, Richard.
Richard, look, we have no choice.
We're just going to have to go with Bess.
Bess? I'm not posing with Bess Truman.
Bess Myerson, you tool chest. Oh.
The former Miss America?
We're just going to have to pay
whatever she wants; The sky's the limit.
Ooh, we'll pay it.
(door hums)
Does this mean you've reconsidered?
That's the idea. When do you want to see her?
Tonight. She won't be available till 10:00.
She's on her fifth day
of her five-day deodorant commercial.
Oh. Well, uh
No, that, that'll be fine.
Just have her come after the commercial.
Have her come to 2815 Lake Avenue.
That's Arnold's. That's Arnold's. Shh!
RICHIE: Thank you very much, J.B.
RALPH: Okay, right, J.B.
After you, boss.
Hey, wait, wait wait a minute, guys.
You promised me if I got in this stupid outfit,
I could finish my song. I've got two verses left.
Okay, Pots. Don't worry.
You'll sing. Just stand right over here.
This is my big chance, guys. Let him see you.
You ready? Okay. Sing.
Here goes.
(a la "Mr. Sandman"): Mr. Tool Man ♪
Lend me your wrench ♪
And I'll be over to build ♪
?
.
Yeah, I just thought I'd go out and get some fresh air.
(breathes deeply)
Good, good.
You going to take a picture of it?
Oh, no, I'm not
Oh, well, yeah. Yeah, see, I just thought
I'd take a couple of night shots, that's all.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you, Dad,
Okay, Richard? Hmm?
Before you drive all the way down to Arnold's, uh
I think you should know about the call I got from Angela.
Angela called you?
Do you think that tree is straight?
Yeah, yeah, it looks fine.
What did Angela say, Dad?
No, it's a little to the left.
Dad, will you tell me what she said?
Oh, well, she just, uh, called
to check on why the address
you gave her was for a drive-in.
Oh.
So I guess you told her.
Yeah, I told her.
I told her it was a subsidiary
of Cunningham Hardware Enterprises.
No kidding? Uh-huh.
You did that for me?
I did that for you,
and I did that for Jean Harlow and me.
But don't tell your mother.
Aw, thanks, Dad.
(instrumental "Deck the Halls" playing)
All right, girls, all right, hey, hey,
we're gonna take a picture now,
both of you on my lap, over here, come on.
Fonz, what's going on here?
What are you doing here? Now wait a minute, Red.
I know that you're gonna take
a picture of the poster girl here,
I figured maybe you could help
me out with my Christmas cards.
But she's gonna be here any minute.
You've got to be kidding, Fonz, I
Hey, hey, hey, I only need one shot.
It's my Yuletide obligation.
All right, all right, let's just do it.
Let's do it fast and get it over with.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, where's Al?
Where's Al? Al,
get out here!
(bell ringing)
Hi, Richie.
Why an elf?
They were all out of Santa Claus suits.
It was either this or a gorilla outfit.
All right, all right, we gonna have a party or we gonna
take a picture? We're taking a picture, right, okay?
Everybody, smile your brains out. Here we go.
RICHIE: Okay, all right.
Great, we got it.
It's fine. Everybody go.
FONZIE: All right, girls, take it easy. Thanks very much.
You'll get you Christmas bonus on Wednesday,
you'll get your Christmas bonus on Thursday,
you'll get your Christmas bonus on Friday and Saturday,
'cause you're so lovely, yeah.
It's all yours, Richie, it's all yours.
Well, Richie,
I guess I'll go change my clothes now, okay?
Oh, no, no, there's no time for that, Al.
Wait, I've got a blind date tonight.
Oh, well, uh, girls love elves.
She'll think you're a real fun date.
You're sure? Yeah.
Maybe I should have rented the gorilla outfit.
(growling) Yeah.
Next time, Al, next time.
Yeah.
All right, there's a car just pulled up.
A car! Yeah.
That's probably Angela!
Fonz, you know, I don't even know what I'm gonna say yet.
She's here; I don't know what I'm gonna say to her!
(snaps fingers)
Yeah?
The first thing you do is relax.
(deep exhale) Right.
Sounds good, sounds good.
The next thing you do is you listen to me,
'cause I've figured out what you're gonna say
when she says, "Where have you been all my life?"
Oh, Fonz, you came through for me.
When don't I?
And I wrote it down.
Hi
I'm Angela.
Hi, I'm Angela.
Hi, I'm Angela.
Right.
Hi, I'm R.C.
I'm A.F.
I'm the photographer.
Oh, well, then he must be Mr. Tool.
Aaayyh!
No, no, he's my finest copywriter.
ANGELA: Oh. Thanks for the new slogan, A.F.
Right, I hope it works for you, R.C.
Angela, I'm charmed.
Whoa.
What an unusual place to, uh, meet.
Yeah, well, uh, we're going for the teen market.
Hardware?
Well, yeah.
Yeah, kids love chains,
and-and crowbars.
That's very interesting.
Hey, you even do your own camera work.
Mm-hmm.
Well, is this the type of lighting
you're gonna use?
Uh, yeah yeah.
Oh, you probably use that fast film.
Oh, yeah, yeah, the fastest, uh,
Japanese film, Kodako.
Okay.
How do you want me?
To pose!
Pose?
Well, J.B. said
that I would be Mrs. Tool,
so, uh
I thought I would try this.
What do you think?
I love you.
What?
Uh, uh, no, it-it. Uh, I-I love it,
and yes and I-I love my profession,
and you look wonderful.
How do you want me to pose?
Huh?
Hey,
I've got a great idea.
Uh, how about if I get on top of the booth,
with the pennants behind me, okay?
How's this?
Oh, that's terrific.
You didn't take the picture.
Oh, yeah, right, I will.
Okay,
um, how about if I do,
uh, something like, uh, this?
Hardware.
Hardware.
Would you like me to move or something?
That's a great idea.
Okay, uh,
how about if I try, uh, something like this?
Oh, yeah.
And, uh, this.
Oh, I got that one.
And this? That's great.
And, uh, this?
Looks beautiful.
And wouldn't it work better
if you took the lens cap off the camera?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, um,
I think I've taken enough shots with the lens cap on.
Now we'll go for the clear look.
Hey, why don't you tell me what you want.
Well, why don't you move a little closer.
Closer? Yeah.
Okay, uh, how's this?
I like that.
Okay, uh, and this?
That's great. And this.
I got that one, too. Okay,
I'll come over here and how's, uh,
this? Oh, beautiful.
And this. Yeah.
And this. Oh, that's a good picture.
Okay, and I'll move over here.
I got that. And this.
Oh, you look so and I'll come
forward and great, Angela.
Hey!
Are you all right?
Angela, I have a confession to make.
I'm not a professional photographer.
Now that may surprise you.
Well, the lens cap was a hint,
but, uh, this, uh, cinched it.
Uh, could you help me get this tree off, please?
Oh, yeah, sure.
I'm not a photographer.
I'm not a businessman.
I'm not even R.C.
I'm Richie Cunningham, a high school senior.
I fell in love with a girl on a poster,
and I had to meet that girl.
You mean you went to all this trouble just to meet me?
Well, I dream about you all the time, and I,
and I think about you in class, and I
I apologize.
I'm, I'm really sorry I loused up your whole evening.
Hey, I'm not upset.
Actually, I'm very flattered.
I'll just, uh, get my things.
Uh, Angela
listen.
Being a model and everything,
I bet you must have a million boyfriends, right?
Actually only one.
I'm almost engaged.
Oh.
Football player?
No.
He's a medical student.
Same thing.
Well, listen, I,
I don't think you should get married too soon,
'cause, you could be Miss Wisconsin,
or-or maybe even Miss America.
Thank you, Richie.
Bye.
Richie?
You know the dream you had
is it something you could tell me?
No.
I-I well, I mean,
it's too cornball,
you don't even want to hear it.
Of course I want to hear it.
I'm the leading lady.
Yeah, right.
You promise you won't laugh?
No, I won't laugh.
All right.
You're the way you are in that,
in that, Wisconsin Cola ad,
uh, where you say
Hiya, handsome, where you been all my life?
Right? Right, yeah.
And then I say
(snaps fingers)
"Hey, put one right here, baby."
That doesn't, uh, sound like you.
No, that that's not me.
No, I would say something like, uh,
"Waiting for you
and hoping
that you would kiss me."
And I'd walk over to you.
Touch you.
That's my dream.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Well, I
I guess you gotta go now, huh?
Yeah, I guess I gotta go.
Well, you don't have to.
Yeah
I have to.
Bye.
Hey, hey, Angela
listen, if-if your medical student ever gets hit
by a train or anything
why, you you just give me a ring, okay?
You bet.
I got enough shots with the lens cap on.
Was it worth it?
Yeah.
Well, I-I had to know.
She's engaged.
You got to live out your dream, Jack.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Red, let me ask you a question.
How would you feel
about me giving your Christmas present a little bit early?
I've got it outside in the car.
Oh, that's neat, Fonz. What'd you get me?
No, no, not what.
The question is, who?
I got you the Polaski twins.
Oh.
No, I-I don't think so,
Polaski twins tonight, Fonz.
Let me tell you something, Cunningham.
You know, if you fall off a bike
as I hear some people do
if you don't get right back on it,
you start driving DeSotos.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I just don't think after Angela
Richie
you want to date a DeSoto type all your life?
No. No.
No, you're right, Fonz.
Let's go.
Let's go, Fonz.
Oh, wait, wait a minute, uh,
you're on your own, laddie.
They're all for you.
Me?
Both. The
That's right. Merry Christmas.
No, no, no, I can't handle both, Fonz.
No.
No.
You're sure? Yeah, I'm positive.
All right, then I'll go with you.
But I get Linda.
What's the difference?
They're identical twins.
You're gonna learn, oh, are you gonna learn!
Yo!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
(rhythmic hand claps)
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪