The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e12 Episode Script

1
Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪
Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of
gold like their mother ♪
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group must
Somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
He's still at it.
Incredible.
Just a moment, Corporal.
Notify the drill sergeant
that General Washington
is ready to inspect the troops.
Get somebody else to notify them.
I don't want to be late for school.
Why don't you knock off
the George Washington routine?
I have to practice for my audition.
It's the biggest part in the school play.
Keep it up, George.
You'll be the first general
who ever got kicked out of his room.
All right men, hear this:
Tonight we cross the Delaware
and attack the British at Trenton.
Okay, who am I supposed to be?
Mickey Mouse.
Mickey Mouse?!
She's only kidding, honey.
We know you were being
George Washington. You did?
Sure. Good luck, General.
We will be rooting for you
at your audition today.
Thanks. I'm off
to Valley Forge.
( Whistles )
Hold it, General.
It might be a long, hard winter.
Better take your lunch.
Oh, it's beautiful, Mike.
Yeah. Mrs. Foster
called it her dream house.
What did Mr. Foster call it?
Well, when he heard the price,
he told her to stop dreaming.
JAN: Mom? Dad? Where are you?
Yeah, honey. We're in here.
Oh, I really like
Guess what!
What?
I got picked to be in the school play
about George Washington.
Oh, that's terrific! Hey, congratulations.
Well, I'm not exactly in it.
I mean, not as an actor.
What are you going to be
the cherry tree?
You're close. I'm in charge
of the scenery and special effects.
Hey, now that's quite a job.
How did you get picked for that?
Well, I'm the only one in school
with the most important qualification.
What qualification?
I have a father who's an architect.
Oh
Will you help me
design the scenery, Dad?
Sure. How about that?
200 years after the Revolutionary War,
and I get drafted for it.
Hey, how did Peter do in the auditions?
Well, he must have done great 'cause,
when I left, he was all smiles.
Good. Oh, good.
Hi. Hi.
Hey, wait a minute. Why the long face?
Yeah, I've seen you look happier
the day before report cards.
Didn't the audition go well?
It went fine. Miss
Bailey said I was terrific.
Hah! Thank goodness,
There, for a minute,
I thought you didn't get the part.
I didn't. Miss Bailey said
lots of guys could
play George Washington.
She wanted me to take the harder part.
Well, that's a compliment.
What's the part?
Benedict Arnold.
It's a smaller part,
and Benedict Arnold
even has to die at the end.
Well, that's better
than dying at the beginning.
Right.
Well, I'm not going to do it.
I'm quitting the play.
Peter
Peter
That's not like you, honey.
You've never quit anything before.
But I wanted to be George Washington.
Oh, honey, everybody
can't be George Washington.
Remember that time
on your baseball team?
You wanted to be the pitcher
but the coach needed
you in the outfield?
Did you quit?
No.
Well, it's the same with Miss Bailey.
She needs her best players
in the right parts.
She must think you could be
a very good Benedict Arnold.
I guess I could.
Unless you think the part
is too hard for you.
Are you kidding?
I can do it easy.
General Washington, I, Benedict Arnold,
place myself under your command.
That's the spirit, Benedict.
You go do your homework
and I'll keep an eye out for the redcoats.
Is that the way you want
the clouds, Jan?
Yeah, that's good
dark and gloomy. Right.
What are you painting, Cindy?
I'm painting the moon.
I already did the moon.
I'm fixing it up.
What did you do that for?
I think everybody should have a nice day.
Even George Washington.
( loud hammering )
Greg, how's it going?
How's it look?
Great, but aren't the waves kind of high?
Because when you put them
in front of the boat,
you won't be able to see the boat.
Well, there's only one thing to do
either we raise the boat
or we lower the Delaware.
Hi.
Hi. Well, what do you think?
It looks exactly like the boat
that's in the picture
of George Washington.
Yeah, well, not exactly.
This boat has one thing
that even George Washington's
boat didn't have.
What?
Roller skates.
( Both laughing )
( With deep voice ): Come in.
Ah. Major Andre, I presume.
Won't you have a seat?
Thank you, General Arnold.
My Commander, General Clinton,
of the British Fifth Army,
sends his compliments.
Is that all he sent, Major?
I don't understand, sir.
I refer to the money
for the plans to West Point
the key to the American defenses.
I trust the British
don't expect them for nothing.
If I, General Benedict Arnold,
hero of the Battle of Ticonderoga,
is going to betray his country,
he expects to be paid for it,
and handsomely.
I'm here to discuss the terms, old chap.
There'll be no discussion!
The price is £10,000, Major Andre.
10,000 pounds of what?!
That's British money, dummy.
Major Andre was a British officer.
( Affecting accent ): Oh, I see.
Lower your voice, sir.
If you were discovered on American soil,
it could mean both our necks.
But £10,000, General Arnold!
Turning traitor doesn't
come easy to me, Major,
and it won't come cheap
to the British armies.
That's terrific.
You were great, General Arnold.
And you weren't bad either, Major Andre.
Thanks, old chap.
But the major's cutting out
for a spot of milk.
You know, Benedict Arnold's
not an easy part to play, Mom.
Well, that's probably why Miss
Bailey wanted you to play it.
I guess it was like you were saying.
Not everybody can be
George Washington.
Some guys are better in the outfield.
And from what I've read
George Washington
wouldn't have been
a very good outfielder either.
Why?
He barely made it
when he threw that dollar
across the Potomac.
Lower your voice, sir.
If you were discovered on American soil,
it could mean both our necks.
Hey, that's terrific, gang.
Okay, everybody, ready?
Ready. Yeah.
All right, here we go.
Row, row
Hey, watch it.
Hey, there's a switch.
The boat stayed afloat
and the waves sank.
Better watch out for sharks.
( All shouting suggestions )
Attaboy.
( Chuckles )
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Everybody in the boat?
Ready? Okay, here we go.
( Excited chatter )
Hi, Peter. What are you doing?
Studying my script.
I'm in the school play.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I'm playing Benedict Arnold.
Benedict Arnold?
Yeah. It's a great part.
Well, it is if you like being a traitor.
Hey, Pete.
Hi, Harv.
Did you get the part
of George Washington?
I could have, but Miss Bailey
gave me a better part.
A real tough part. Which one?
Well, it's the toughest part
for a guy to play.
Uh Betsy Ross?
No. Benedict Arnold.
Benedict Arnold?!
Yeah. How about that?
Traitor.
Hey, Steve, what's the hurry?
I'm going over to the park.
We're getting up a ball game. Come on.
I'll be over right after rehearsal.
I'm in the school play.
Yeah? What part did you get?
Benedict Arnold.
Benedict Arnold?
( Hissing )
Very funny.
Save me a place on the team, will you?
What for? So you can
throw the game, Benedict?
There'll be no discussion.
The price is £10,000, Major Andre.
But that's a lot of money, General.
Lower your voice.
If you are discovered on American soil,
it can mean both our necks.
But £10,000, General Arnold.
A small price to ensure
the capture of West Point by the British.
Anyway, I might not
even sell the plans, after all.
Peter, that's not in the script.
The line is,
"Turning traitor doesn't
come easy to me, Major."
Miss Bailey, does Benedict
Arnold have to be a traitor?
What?
I mean, wouldn't it be better
if Major Andre stole the plans,
and we made Benedict
Arnold the good guy?
Peter, we can't rewrite
the American Revolution.
According to all the history books,
Benedict Arnold was a traitor.
But the books could be wrong.
I mean, there wasn't
anybody in the room
but the two guys when it happened.
Why can't we give the American
guy the benefit of the doubt?
Peter, I think we'd better
stick with the script.
Well, that's enough for today.
Cast dismissed till tomorrow.
What are you trying to do
make me the rat for stealing the plans?
Major Andre could have done it.
Boy, that was a pretty crummy trick.
Well, no one knows for sure.
When they picked you to be the traitor,
they really picked the
right guy. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Yeah?
Hey, Peter
come here.
What happened?
Where did you get that bloody nose?
At rehearsal.
What were you rehearsing
the Boston Massacre?
I got in a fight with one of the guys.
I'm getting fed up
with everybody teasing me
calling me a traitor
all the guys booing and hissing me.
Pete, don't let it get you down.
It's just a part in a play.
Well, Miss Bailey can get someone else
to play Benedict Arnold.
You're not quitting, are you?
You'd better believe it.
You can't quit. You
promised Mom and Dad.
Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I?
Okay, I won't quit.
Attaboy.
I've got a better idea.
I'll get myself thrown out of the play.
Thank you, General Arnold.
My commander, General Clinton
of the British Fifth Army,
sends his compliments.
Go on, Peter. You have the next line.
I'm sorry, Miss Bailey.
Can you give me the first word?
"Is."
Is. Is, uh uh?
Is, uh?
Can you give me the second word?
"Is that all he sent, Major?"
Is that all he sent, Major?
I don't understand, sir.
I refer to the money
for the plans to, uh uh
What's the name of the place?
West Point, dumb-dumb.
Peter, what is wrong?
You were fine up until now.
I guess it's because
I'm reading out of my script.
My memory's just no good.
Oh, you're probably just having
a little attack of nerves, that's all.
Suppose I get a big
attack the night of the play?
Maybe you should get someone else.
Let me have your script, Peter.
I don't blame you
for taking away my part, Miss Bailey.
If I can't remember my lines,
I shouldn't be in the play.
Peter, come here.
This is an old actor's trick.
Now, we just paste your lines
on top of these plans to West Point.
Then, if you get stuck,
all you have to do is read them.
I'll bet you never thought of that.
No, I didn't.
Oh, Mom, wait till you see it.
It looks so neat, and it works really good.
Oh, oh.
It's for the scene
where George Washington
chops down the cherry tree.
I'll be George Washington.
Did Dad design that for you?
Yeah, but I made an improvement.
Watch. When Bobby chops it
the tree will fall over.
Okay, chop, Bobby.
( laughing )
Yeah, that's a very
interesting improvement.
( Both laughing )
Coming to breakfast?
I'll be down in a couple of minutes.
Pete, look, if you're still trying
to get out of that play, forget it.
There's no way out.
There's got to be a way out.
Ow, ow, ow
( shouting ): Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
CAROL: Peter!
Peter, are you all right? What happened?
I tripped over the skate
and twisted my ankle.
Let me see.
Oh, Mike, what do you think?
I don't know.
Well, the skin's not broken.
There doesn't seem to be swelling.
Huh. Maybe you ought to
stay home from school today.
Uh, no, no. I don't want to miss rehearsal
for the play I'll be okay.
You sure? Yeah.
BAILEY: All right, now, girls,
you try on your costumes.
And, boys, we'll try
the Valley Forge scene.
Hi, Miss Bailey. Sorry I'm late.
Peter, what happened to you?
Well, there was this
roller skate in my room,
and while I was practicing
my lines, I tripped over it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Does it hurt?
The pain's not bad.
It's just that I can't walk without this limp.
So I guess I'm out of the show.
I wouldn't dream of letting you go.
Huh? You don't want a
Benedict Arnold who limps!
Peter, didn't you know?
Benedict Arnold was wounded
at the Battle of Saratoga.
He had a limp for the rest of his life.
He did?
Which leg?
Same one as yours.
Isn't that lucky?
Yeah, really lucky.
Okay, I think we're about ready
for winter at Valley Forge.
Okay, here goes.
Hey, terrific!
I'm beginning to feel cold already.
Jan! Telephone. Miss Bailey from school.
Oh. Well, she probably wants to know
about the sets for dress rehearsal.
Now, be careful, honey. Okay.
Hi.
Hey, aren't you home from rehearsal
a little bit early?
( Hoarsely ): I can't talk. Huh?
Laryngitis.
Well, that's sudden. When did it happen?
During rehearsal.
Will you be able to do
your part in the play?
Miss Bailey's getting someone else.
What luck.
That's tough, Pete
especially after all the time
you put in on it.
I better go gargle or something.
His laryngitis seems
to have cured his ankle.
Yeah. I noticed that, too.
What's the matter, Jan?
Well, the play is off
because Peter has laryngitis.
Miss Bailey said to just
stop making the sets
because she can't find
a replacement in time.
Did you tell Peter that?
No, I didn't have the heart to.
It would make him feel
worse if he knew that.
Let's see how much worse.
( Knock on door )
( Regular voice ): Come in.
( Hoarsely ): I was
just going to go gargle.
Peter, you must really feel bad
about having to drop out
of the play this way.
Oh, yeah, real bad.
Peter, this morning it was your ankle;
this afternoon it's laryngitis.
Now, I want you to level with us.
You don't want to be in that play, do you?
No, I don't.
Well, why, Peter? You
said you were gonna be
the best Benedict Arnold ever.
Well, you don't know what it's
been like everybody riding me,
booing and hissing me,
'cause I'm playing a traitor.
Oh, come on, listen,
because you dropped out,
the whole play is off.
What do you mean, off?
Miss Bailey can get someone else.
No, honey, she can't
there isn't enough time.
Gee, I-I never thought that'd happen.
Yes, and you let a whole lot
of people down, too, you know.
All those kids who worked
on the show, and Miss Bailey,
and even the audience.
You know, that's pretty much
what the real Benedict
Arnold did, isn't it?
I never thought of it that way.
Yes, but that's the way it is,
isn't it, Peter?
Yeah. If I don't play the part
of a traitor, I'll be a traitor.
Well, that's just about it.
I'm here to discuss the terms, old chap.
There will be no discussion!
The price is £10,000, Major Andre.
That's a lot of money, General.
Lower your voice, sir.
If you are discovered on American soil,
it could mean both our necks.
But £10,000, General Arnold.
A small price to ensure
the capture of West Point
by the British.
Turning traitor doesn't come easy to me,
and it won't come cheap
to the British armies.
Very good, boys!
Draw the curtain, please!
Donna, your speech comes now.
Major Andre was captured
and convicted as a spy.
But what of Benedict Arnold,
who fled to the English side
to serve against his country
for the rest of the war?
We take you now
to a country home in England
21 years later.
( Applause )
I fear the end is near.
It grows darker, ever darker.
But my poor, dear husband.
Hark!
Who goes there?
Give me the password.
His mind wanders in his last moments.
Benedict, it is your wife Peggy.
Do you not recognize my voice?
Yes, it is Peggy.
My mind plays me tricks.
I'm going fast.
Oh, my dear beloved.
My life passes before me.
Once again I am
bargaining with Major Andre
for the price of my betrayal.
Oh, forgive me.
I die a broken man.
He sleeps at last.
I can't sleep.
I am haunted by the
nightmare of my past.
Oh, forgive me.
I forgive you. Not you.
I beg forgiveness of George Washington
and the United States of America,
to whom I pledge my
allegiance for now and evermore.
Wife, wouldst give me my old uniform?
On the instant, dear heart.
Honey, Peter forgot to take his boots off
after that last scene.
I guess he wants to die
with his boots on.
Here it is, dear spouse
your old uniform.
Thank you, wife.
( Coughing )
May God forgive me
for ever putting on another uniform.
He is gone.
Benedict Arnold is no more.
That's fine, children.
I just hope our performance
goes as well tomorrow night.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to thank you all for being here,
and a special thanks to Mr. Brady
for helping us with our sets,
and to Mrs. Dineen for
her work on the costumes.
Thank you.
( Applause )
Hey.
Well, how was I?
Aw, you were terrific.
You were just great.
Miss Bailey, you did a
wonderful job with the kids.
Oh, thank you.
You deserve credit, too.
How did you ever get Peter
over his laryngitis so quickly?
Well, we used an old family remedy.
Oh, I'll bet I know that dreadful stuff
you have to mix something
sweet with to get it down.
No, Miss Bailey, Dad
just gave it to me straight.
Oh, Mike.
I, George Washington,
your Commander in Chief,
command you to row for the far shore.
Will you cut that out, Pete?
You're Benedict Arnold in that play.
I know, but I still think
I could have done
a great George Washington.
I can just see myself
standing on the bow of the boat
crossing the Delaware.
I, George Washington,
your Commander in Chief,
command you to row for the far shore.
Uh General, you know,
there's one thing missing.
What's that?
The spray of water in your face.
( laughs )