The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e13 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
( Sniffs ): Oh, boy. Mm!
That meat loaf does smell good.
Yeah, and it will be
just perfect for Marcia
after her visit to the dentist.
Last time I went to the dentist,
the only thing I could
chew was ice cream.
( Shuffling her feet )
( Sighs )
Marcia, are you all right?
Mm-hmm.
Are you in pain?
Pain?
You did go to the dentist
today, didn't you?
Mm-hmm.
I don't know what he gave her,
but I'd like some.
Well, honey, what did Dr. Gordon say
about your teeth?
Dr. Gordon?
Oh, he's on vacation in Europe.
I saw Dr. Vogel.
Dr. Stanley Vogel.
Oh, you should see him.
He is far out.
Dr. Vogel must be
Dr. Gordon's new associate.
Mm-hmm.
He has dark, gorgeous hair,
dreamy eyes,
groovy bell-bottom pants,
neat shoes
and he plays the best rock
and roll music in his office.
What does he use on your teeth,
a guitar pick?
What did Dr. Vogel say about your teeth?
My teeth?
Oh, he liked them.
That's nice.
Oh, and the best part's Thursday!
What's Thursday?
I get to go back for my filling!
( Sighs )
Boy, that Dr. Vogel
sounds like the greatest thing
that's happened to
dentistry since Novocain.
What are you staring at?
My teeth.
Well, you've seen them
before lots of times.
I know, but they're different now.
Hey, listen to this.
"Are you an old maid at 19?"
You and those Teentime
Romance magazines.
Marcia, if I didn't read this magazine,
I wouldn't understand life's problems.
I wish I was old enough
to have problems.
Listen. "One way to achieve
a successful marriage
is for a girl to marry a man"
Well, big deal. Even I know that.
It's continued, dum-dum.
"To marry a man who is ten
to 12 years older than she is."
Hey, that's interesting.
What else does it say?
Well, it says that an older man
will be more stable,
tender and understanding.
Yeah. That makes sense.
Maybe that's why I like Joey Vinton.
He's an older man. He's 12.
Cindy, they're not talking about children.
They're talking about men.
They leave out the most important thing:
Where do you find older men?
Well, I guess, if you're lucky enough,
you could find one anywhere.
Maybe even in a dentist's office.
You mean that new dentist, Dr. Vogel?
How old is he?
I don't know. 27 or 28.
Gee, that's old.
Hey, according to this article,
he'd be perfect for you.
There's only one problem.
To him, I'm just a mouthful of teeth.
Hi, honey.
Hi, dear.
Say, something smells good.
Yeah, it's my new perfume.
That's funny 'cause
it smells like meat loaf.
Ah, yes, his lips are in the living room,
but his heart is in the kitchen.
Ah, yeah. Anything new?
Yeah. You got a call from Miss Miller.
Miss Miller?
Yes. She has a very throaty, sexy voice.
Oh, yeah? What'd she say?
She said, "Tell Mr. Brady
he has an appointment tomorrow."
( Chuckles )
With the dentist.
Oops. I forgot about that.
Mm. Gee, my teeth are beginning
to hurt already.
I know, according to Marcia, you
haven't got a thing to worry about.
The dentist is a dreamboat. Oh, yeah?
Since when is old
Dr. Gordon a dreamboat?
No, no. It's his assistant, Dr. Vogel.
Marcia says.
"When he looks at you
with those big blue eyes
he's painless."
Well, I hope his bill is painless.
( laughs )
Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Well, I wouldn't say I exactly enjoyed it.
I've had a rougher time in a barber chair.
Well, I must be doing something right.
You know, my daughter thinks
you're quite a dentist.
Well, thanks. She's a
sharp, nice young lady.
Yeah. She's awarded you, you know,
her generation's supreme
compliment: You are groovy.
I told you she was sharp.
By the way, does she ever do
any baby-sitting?
Yeah, sometimes on the weekends.
Good.
My wife and I have a three-year-old
and we need a sitter this Friday.
I'm sure she'd be happy to
if she's available.
Of course, you have
to supply the essentials.
Essentials?
A television set, a refrigerator
and at least one telephone.
( laughs ) Okay.
GREG: Hey! This is going
to be a neat looking go-cart.
If we ever get it finished.
Where'd you get the engine?
From Mr. Morton's old lawnmower.
Isn't it neat?
It's terrific.
You guys can go for a ride
and mow the street at the same time.
Very funny.
I was only kidding.
Can I give you a hand?
Sure. Thanks.
We'll give you a ride sometime.
Thanks, Bobby.
Hey, Marcia.
Hmm?
Uh, I got a message
for you from Eddie Bryan.
What about?
We're going bowling Friday night.
He wants to take you.
Well, I guess it's okay.
What do you mean, you guess it's okay?
Eddie Bryan!
Well, if you ask me,
he's kind of immature.
What do you mean, immature?
Just what I said. He's only a boy.
Marcia, what are you talking about?
He's the same age I am.
That's what I mean: Immature.
Let's get this thing finished
so I can run her over.
Alice, what are you doing?
I'm listening for clinks. Clinks?
Yeah, sometimes I suck up some
loose change and it makes clinks.
Would you try to clink up a new sofa?
Hi, honey. Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, Alice.
Hey, quick, tell me,
how was your dental appointment?
Oh, shade your eyes.
Oh, I can't stand the glare.
( Dreamily ): How is Dr. Vogel?
You know, Marcia is right:
he is indeed charming and groovy.
Gee, I'm not supposed to
see him for another month,
but maybe I can get my
appointment pushed up.
What I need is a couple
of good quick cavities.
No, sorry, Alice, he's married
and he has a family.
By the way, you know, Dr. Vogel asked
if Marcia could baby-sit Friday night.
Yeah, I don't see why not.
Why don't you go ask her.
She's up in her room studying. Okay.
Hi, kids.
Hi. Hi, honey.
Say, Marcia, are you busy Friday night?
Uh, I have a date, Dad. Why?
Oh, well, nothing.
If you're busy, it's not important.
Hey, Dad, what's not important?
Oh, well, Dr. Vogel wanted to know
if you were free Friday night,
but if you're busy, forget it.
Did you hear that! Oh!
He wants to know if
I'm busy Friday night!
He actually noticed you.
I can't believe it!
And he's an older man.
According to.
Teentime Romance,
you're the perfect couple.
I wonder why he asked Dad and not me.
Well, that's the way they
always did it in the olden times.
The boyfriend asked permission
from the father first.
Sure. Don't you watch old movies?
Oh, an older man noticed me!
Oh, no. It's terrible. What?
Well, I have a dentist
appointment tomorrow
and I don't have a thing to wear.
I think we're all set to try it.
Good.
I get the feeling I forgot something.
What?
I forget.
Here goes.
( Motor sputters, dies )
( Motor sputters, dies )
Harder.
This is as hard as I can pull it.
I don't know, it's
Oh, for crying out loud, there's no gas.
That's what I forgot.
( Wolf whistle ) Hey, look at you.
Do my eyes deceive me?
You're wearing girl's clothes.
I have a very important appointment.
What kind of appointment?
It doesn't concern you children.
La-di-da
Just go off and play
with your dumb little toys.
( Motor Bronx cheers )
And the same to you!
I hope that didn't hurt.
What didn't hurt?
The drill.
Oh, I loved it.
You can't believe
how many people complain, but not you.
I never complain.
Rinse, please.
Well, that's one of the things
I like about you.
Mm I love the taste
of your mouthwash.
By the way, what about Friday night?
Did your father mention it?
Yeah but I sort of have a date.
It's not really a date.
It's only with Eddie Bryan,
a youth at school.
Oh. That's too bad.
I'll have to find someone else.
I've got tickets for the ballet.
The ballet?
You like the ballet?
I'm mad about it.
I've never been, but I'm mad about it.
Let's see how that looks.
Open wide, please.
Uh, I'm sure Eddie will understand.
I can break a date.
Just keep opening wide, Marcia.
I wouldn't want you to break a date.
Well, it's not anything important.
No, no, no. There will be other nights.
Wider, please.
It's okay. I'm sure it is.
You're sure it's no trouble?
Positive.
All right, then Friday.
I can't stay out very late, though.
Oh, no problem.
The ballet ought to be over by 11:00.
Wonderful.
Could you be ready at 7:00?
Oh, I can be ready even earlier.
No, 7:00 is fine.
I'll pick you up at your house.
( Whispering ): Wow.
We ought to paint a number on it
a really good number.
What do you mean,
a really good number?
One like 99.
What's so great about 99?
Well if it ever turns over, then it's 66!
Hey, how about 66?
If it ever turns over, it'll be
99.99.
Hey, you guys could make it 88.
Then if it turns over it'll still be 88.
Hey, Marcia! Hey! Watch out!
We're trying to paint this thing.
Really! You children
and your juvenile hobbies.
Children?
Since when did you get to be so old?
( In elderly voice ): Eh?
Speak up, can't hear you.
Greg, would you come here a minute?
Uh, would you tell Eddie Bryan that
I can't go out with him Friday night?
I have another date.
You can't do that to him.
I already told him you'd go.
He's already shaved!
I'm sorry,
but I've got more mature things to do.
Hi, Mom.
Hi.
Uh Mom?
Yeah?
Did, uh, Dad mention anything
about Dr. Vogel and Friday night?
Yes, he did mention it.
And it's okay?
Sure. Why not?
It'll be a good experience for you.
Wow! So, with the traffic and everything
I may not be home till about midnight
and it's still okay?
As long as I know where you are, dear,
I won't worry.
Oh, Mom, you're the most
understanding mother
in the whole world!
What'd I say?
Jan
Jan.
He did it. What?
He asked me for a date.
Who did?
Dr. Vogel!
Oh, Marcia, your first older man.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Thanks.
Where are you going to meet him?
He's coming here!
Here? Yeah.
Friday night at 7:00.
Well, is it all right with Mom and Dad?
Mom said it would be a good experience!
Oh, wow, that's great, Marcia!
Too much!
( Gasps ): A first date
can lead to a second date
and then that might lead to a third
and then maybe even going steady
and that might lead to marriage!
Imagine me
Mrs. Marcia Dentist.
( Dreaming ): Mrs. Marcia Dentist.
Mrs. Marcia Dentist!
MAN: Marcia Brady, do
you promise to love, honor
brush up and down
and see your dentist twice a year?
I do.
And you, Dr. Dentist, do you
take Marcia for better or worse
for cavities, for root canal
work and orthodontia?
I do.
With the powers vested in me
by the Dental Association,
I now pronounce you wife and dentist.
JAN: Marcia?
I'm talking to you.
( Chuckles ) I guess I was daydreaming.
And what a dream!
Marcia, dinner's just about ready.
You better get cleaned up. Okay.
Mom, when's dinner? We're starved!
Any minute now.
Cindy, would you get me a
couple of napkins, please?
'Kay.
CAROL: Well, Alice, I
think we're just about ready.
ALICE: So are the dinner rolls.
Mummy.
Oh, mummy, we are
quite ready for dinner.
We're dreadfully hungry.
In a moment, my angels.
( Alice singing happily )
Oh, mon pet it Cindy.
Get me two napkins, s'il vous plaît.
Oui, Madamoiselle Alice.
And I shall help you.
Ah, Madam, ze children,
they are fantastiques!
A blessing.
( Sighs )
CAROL: Dinner, Marcia.
Marcia!
Oh, uh, uh, I'm coming, Mom.
Hi, honey.
CAROL: Hi, dear.
Boy, you look beat.
Yeah. What a day.
Really rough, huh?
MIKE: Well, there's no
pleasing some clients.
Give 'em modern 'cause
they ask for modern,
they want early American.
CAROL: Well, maybe
tomorrow will be better.
I doubt it.
Mm
Hello, my dearest.
Hi, honey.
BOTH: Mm.
Rough day?
Oh, brutal.
The way people thoughtlessly
break appointments.
Oh
Rinse. You'll feel better.
I feel better just being with you.
Patient trouble?
The Levine kid bit me!
Again?
That makes the third time this month.
And if that wasn't enough,
I spent all afternoon
extracting an impacted molar.
I'm so proud of you, my darling.
Because of you there's one less
impacted molar in the world.
Relax. You're at home with me now.
( Contented sigh )
Are you sure?
That's awful.
Well, I'll have to tell Marcia.
Oh, well, thanks. Bye.
Marcia? Yeah?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Well, make it short, okay?
I've got to get on this algebra.
Well, I was just talking
to my friend Cathy.
And she's got a friend
who has a sister, and
she was thinking of going out
with a married man. Mm-hmm.
What do you think of that?
Well, I think that's terrible.
But, uh, what if she was in love
with this man?
Well, it still doesn't make any difference.
He's a married man.
But what if she didn't find that out
till after they fell in love?
Well, it's still wrong.
Can you imagine what kind of life
this poor girl would have?
Hiding in the shadows,
waiting by herself as the clock
ticks off the empty hours,
doomed to be the other woman for life!
That's not for me.
I'm glad to hear you say that,
because he's married.
Who's married?
Dr. Vogel,
your date.
He's got a wife, children,
maybe even a dog.
Dr. Vogel?
Yes.
Cathy's parents are friends
of Dr. Vogel and his wife.
Are you absolutely positive?
Positive.
What are you going to do?
( Sighs ) I don't know.
Hi, Alice.
Hi, honey.
Alice, can I talk to you?
Sure, sweetie.
I mean woman to woman.
Be a little hard for us
to do it any other way.
This is serious.
Oh.
Well, sure, honey.
Here sit down.
Let's talk.
Well
suppose you found out something
about your boyfriend Sam.
Like what?
Well suppose all the
time that you've been dating.
Sam's been married to someone else.
Marcia, do you know
something I don't know?
No! I'm just supposing, that's all.
But what would you do
if you found out Sam was married?
Well, no butcher better tell me
something like that with a
meat cleaver on the counter.
You're sure we're not
talking about Sam now?
Oh, positive.
It's some other woman
who's facing that problem.
Somebody you know?
Yeah.
And I was hoping you
could give her some advice.
Oh, well, I'd say stop
the romance right away.
How?
Well, I'm not sure
my problems with romance
have never been stopping one,
it's always been starting one.
I mean, how would you stop it, Alice?
Would you write him a letter
or phone him, or what?
Oh, no. I'd face him with it
right away, face to face!
Get it over with real quick, huh?
Right.
Thanks, Alice.
( Door slams )
( Firmly ): Dr. Vogel?
Oh, hi, Marcia.
Uh, did we have an appointment?
No, but I had to see you at once.
No, don't tell me that filling came out.
Please, sit in the chair.
Dr. Vogel
I can't go on like this!
Well, I'm sure you can't.
The pain must be pretty bad.
I almost couldn't do my algebra test!
Marcia, why didn't you call me at home?
That would have even
been more painful.
More painful?
Dr. Vogel, we can't go on
seeing each other like this,
even though we haven't had
our first date!
Our first date? I
I know you were afraid
if you told me you were married
I wouldn't have accepted.
I realize that older men
are attracted to younger girls.
I read Teentime Romance magazine.
Oh, I can see you do.
Do you mean
the date I asked your father about?
Yes. It was very gallant of
you to ask his permission.
Oh, I think I understand.
I'm flattered that
you find me attractive, but
I couldn't break up your marriage.
Marcia
you're wiser than your years.
That's why I have to give you up, Doctor.
If that's what you really want.
That's the way it has to be.
I give you back
to your wife and your children.
( Earnestly ): I thank you, Marcia.
My wife and children thank you, too.
Dr. Vogel?
I think you should know that
I'm not ever going to
say anything about this
to my friends or my family.
Believe me, Marcia, I won't either.
Oh, by the way Yes?
I'll still be in on Wednesday
to have my teeth cleaned.
( Chuckling )
Greg?
Greg?
I don't know if I want to talk to a chick
who breaks dates with my friends.
Does does Eddie Bryan
have another date
for Friday night yet?
No, thanks to you.
Good. 'Cause I want
to call him right now.
I'd love to go out with him.
Wait a minute, I thought you said
Eddie was too immature for you.
You know, there's a lot to be said
for growing old together.
GREG: Come on, Marcia!
Would you calm down?
Eddie can't hold that bowling
lane all night! Hurry up.
Good night, kids, have fun.
Bye-bye. You, too.
Don't be late.
Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.
And drive carefully.
I will.
I wonder what changed her mind
about Dr. Vogel tonight.
I don't know, and she really seemed
to be looking forward to it, too.
I know why Marcia changed her
mind about Dr. Vogel tonight.
Why?
Well
I better not tell you.
You're not young enough to know.
Oh, teenagers
by the time you understand
what they're talking about
they're not teenagers anymore.
( Motor repeatedly fails to start )
This thing's never going to work.
I've about had it.
Where are we going to get a new motor?
Next time, I'll handle it.
( Motor starts )
( Backfiring )
Hey, um, guys
Um uh
Stop stop it!
Hey, look! ( Yelling )
( Screaming )
( Yelling )