Happy Days (1974) s04e14 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
ality ♪
.
And of course you've got a great big heart ♪
over ♪
over ♪
Oh, I'll be a fool for you ♪
over ♪
Angie, everything is going to be fine, huh?
That's right, everything is set.
You're going to stay at the Cunningham house.
They're a very nice middle-class family.
Yeah hold on for a minute, will you?
Could you cut blowing in my ear for just a minute?
Yeah, everything is fine.
Listen, Angie, you just make sure
you get on the right bus this time.
I don't want to pick you up in Detroit again.
Yes, Angie, you're talking
to your cousin, Fonz, that's right.
All right, I'll see you.
Yeah, right, knock yourself out.
Oh, I got to get my cousin, Angie, a job.
Ain't going to be easy.
The man is under-confident, you know what I mean?
I mean, I once saw him buying handkerchiefs
with monograms on them with somebody else's initials.
(chuckling)
That was a joke.
Stick with the ear, stick with the ear.
Fonzie, I got to talk to you.
Hey, not now, man,
I got the world on my shoulders, Al.
This is really important.
It's a personal matter.
All right, sit.
Fonzie, you've got to jump 15 barrels on your motorcycle,
like you did on that television show.
I'm talking about the world on my shoulders,
he's talking about barrel tricks.
,
and I got to get my name in it.
How is my jumping over barrels
going to get you in this book?
e
that he'll give my restaurant a lot of publicity
if I could get somebody to break a record here.
Oh, no, man, I broke my record already.
I'm in retirement why don't you ask these kiddies
to do it?
Nobody cares about the little businessman anymore.
Nobody cares about my cousin, Angie.
Angie.
FONZIE: Hey, Al.
My cousin, Angie, is coming into town, see?
I want you to give him a job as a busboy.
He's got it.
You're gonna do it.
You're gonna jump the barrels.
No barrels, Al.
Let me ask you a question.
How much money you got in your publicity chest?
Mmm, about $100.
Yeah, and you need this record for publicity, right?
You're right. All right.
I'll be right back.
(music stops playing)
All right now listen up.
s
is coming here any day now.
Now, who's going to break a record for big Al?
(crowd groaning)
You see, what did I tell you? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
All right, listen up.
Al says, anybody breaks a record,
gets in this book here
gets $100.
(excited murmuring)
Do me a favor, huh?
Organize this for me. Yeah, sure, Fonz.
You're really good at that, thanks a lot.
(all talking)
RICHIE: No crowding.
He told me to organize, so I'm gonna organize.
(music resumes playing)
Now I know how to get the kids interested.
Cold cash.
love ♪
Hi, guys.
Hey, Angie, how's it going? Oh, hi, Angie.
RICHIE: Want to play some basketball later?
No, I'd like to I got to work overtime.
I want to pay for some dishes I broke.
Yeah, well, uh,
those dishes can be pretty slippery sometimes.
At home, my pop makes me eat on paper plates.
My pop makes me eat out on the porch.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to think of a record to break,
and I need my privacy.
Oh.
Why don't you try breaking the record
for the most hours with a menu on your face?
(laughing): Menu on his face.
Bring us three root beers, okay? Yeah.
Coming right up.
Boy, I'm getting better.
You know, uh, I can't believe.
Fonzie's cousin is so clumsy.
Well, he's not that bad.
He's going back to Kenosha pretty soon anyway. Yeah.
(crashing, shattering)
Not fast enough for Al.
Maybe he can set a record for breaking the most dishes.
Hey, you know, I think my hay fever is acting up again.
Whoa.
Maybe you could sneeze your way into the record books.
Not funny, Rich.
We've got to find something here.
I mean, there's 100 bucks on the line.
Hey, maybe I could drink the most water in one drink.
Oh, I don't know, Pots, the most water in one drink
yeah, right here it's held by a Tibetan monk.
He drank 835 gallons.
There he is,
standing in the middle of a dry lake bed.
Yeah? Yeah, and then five minutes later,
he broke another record.
That's a good one.
I've still got it. Hey, wait, I've got it!
I'll break the record for the most jumping jacks.
Jumping jacks. One, two, three,
four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine
Forget it, Pots, you'll never get off the ground.
I'm trying to break the record.
I don't know, what do you think?
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
(all talking at once)
I said, "Good afternoon, gentlemen."
ALL: Good afternoon, Fonz.
Well, I feel so much better now.
All right, so now, very calmly, why don't you teenagers
tell me how you plan to break this record.
Oh, Fonz, we can't think of anything!
Calmly.
We can't think of anything, Fonz,
but, you know, maybe you can go for another record.
I break records every day.
(chuckling) He sure does.
But they don't have a category for that one, Fonz.
Yeah. Hi, Fonz.
Hey, Angie, how you doing, huh?
Isn't he cute? How how's the job going?
All right.
Got your drinks, guys.
(crashing)
One out of three ain't bad.
That's right. I'll go get the mop.
Yeah, do that.
Man Angie's a clumsy guy.
He's my cousin. And a heck of a nice guy.
I like him. Sweetheart.
Hey, look, I know he's clumsy,
but I'm working with him, huh?
Yeah, and-and he's doing real well. Yep.
(dishes crashing, shattering)
It might not have been him.
There are other people in there.
Fonzie, about your cousin, Angie
Yeah, yeah, how many plates did he break today?
Oh, I don't know, who counts? Al
38 plates, 14 glasses,
and he dropped the cook's derby in the meat grinder.
You want me to fire him for you?
No, don't do it for me, I love the kid.
Do it for the cook.
Right, right, right.
I'll talk to him, Al.
(crashing)
Can you do it real soon?
Do it nice, but soon.
He dropped the cook's hat in the meat grinder.
(chuckling) That's good.
(snaps fingers) Cunningham.
He dropped the cook's hat in the
in the meat grinder.
(chuckling resumes)
It is funny, huh?
I mean, he's ruining the Fonzarelli name, you know?
(laughter)
(dishes crashing)
It ain't that funny!
No, it isn't.
La la la la la ♪
Great meal, Mrs. Cunningham.
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Angie.
I'm sorry about the soup, Mr. C.
Oh, don't give it a second thought.
These are old trousers anyway.
Well, I'm going over to Jenny Piccalo's.
You want to come along, Angie?
No, I I think I'll go upstairs
.
Besides, I have to go to work in a little while.
Your spoon, Mrs. C.
I got it.
Sorry about that. MARION: That's all right.
See you folks. Yes.
Work? But, Mom, he doesn't even have a job.
Shh, dear,
Arthur hasn't told him that he's fired yet.
He's afraid Angie will lose his confidence.
Well, Jenny Piccalo would give him confidence.
Out, you, and you be home by 9:00.
Oh, but, Dad, that's when all the action starts.
Exactly.
I'm going to be an old maid.
Hi, Rich. Hi.
Have you eaten yet?
Yeah, uh, we ate at Arnold's Drive-In.
I put the top down.
Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
Sure.
Do you know there's a girl on your shoulders?
Would you mind telling me what's going on?
Well, yeah, yeah we're trying to break
the "carry a girl on your shoulders" record.
See, it-it's six and a half hours,
and, uh, we're practicing.
Oh.
Why can't you be like a regular kid
and swallow goldfish?
Mr. C, I've got to
Can I talk to you for a minute?
In front of your parents?
You couldn't use my apartment?
I'm hungry.
Duck.
Duck.
Your child is weird.
Mr. C., I got to talk to you.
Now, you're a business Where is Angie?
.
Don't tell me those things.
Now, look, Mr. C., you're a businessman, right?
Now, how do I tell Angie that
he's fired without hurting him?
You don't, but he'll get over it.
Yeah, I guess so he's a Fonzarelli I think.
Look, Fonzie, I think
maybe you're expecting too much from him.
You know, what he needs
is something to build up his ego,
something where he can gain some self-respect.
He needs a nice, easy job, one that he can handle.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, you know Mr. C., I think you're 100% on the nose.
Give him a shot in the arm, right?
Yeah, give him a little push from behind.
Yeah, an easy job like, uh,
the Cunningham Hardware Store.
In my hardware store?
I think that's a wonderful idea.
Who cares, Marion?
Right, who cares?
You're one heck of a guy.
Let me tell you something, he is going to love this.
All right hey!
.
You're in the hardware business!
He's in the hardware business now.
You're in the hardware business!
Yes, Officer, it-it's a gray panel truck.
It says Cunningham Hardware Store on the side.
Yeah, Angie lost it.
What difference does it make who Angie is?
Just find my truck, will you, please?
Joanie, will you try
and break your record someplace else?
I didn't lose your truck.
Oh, Howard, I don't
I don't understand how you could fire Angie.
He seemed like he'd make such a nice delivery boy.
He's a nice boy, but he lost my delivery truck, Marion.
Shh, dear, he's right upstairs.
Do you want to hurt his feelings?
HOWARD: His feelings? What about my delivery truck?
You know what it's like to try and deliver
a sack of cement on your back, huh?
Where's your sense of values, Marion?
Well, where are you going?
I'm going out and find that truck.
Duck.
Duck.
All right, relax everybody, we found your truck.
Elizabeth spotted it.
Oh, I'll see if I can catch Howard.
Oh, too late.
Well, the fresh air will do him good.
Hey, Rich, where was the truck?
Angie accidentally parked it
in front of Krepnick's.
An easy mistake.
Every hardware store looks alike.
Mom, Krepnick's is a delicatessen.
Right.
Mom, are you going to help me with my hair or not?
(sighing): Yes, dear, come on.
Good.
Well, I think Angie Fonzarelli
is a lemon.
What'd I just hear?
A lemon I rinse her hair with lemon.
Hey, Cunningham, front and center.
Want to sit down?
Oh, is it okay if I don't?
It's a little hard getting back up. Right.
I don't know what to do with Angie anymore.
I'm running out of time, I'm running out of ideas.
(fly buzzing)
What are you waving at?
Oh, there's a fly; It's bothering me.
I'm talking about family, you're talking about flies.
The fly landed on your head, Fonz.
Yeah?
Oh, uh,
it's all right.
I-I'll wait till it leaves.
I'm sure you will.
Oh, l-let me have that magazine, will you?
Sure, here.
Listen, I-I wouldn't worry about it, Fonz.
You did the best you could.
You even got Angie a job at Dad's hardware store.
Are you kidding? I did better than that.
I fixed him up with Kitty La Beaux.
He took her to a drive-in movie, right?
He came home in the wrong car.
He came home in the wrong car.
Cunningham, what are you doing?
It's got to be the fastest fly in the world.
I don't believe it.
Oh, he's moving up. Try and get him.
Hi, Fonz, hi, Rich. Hey.
I'm going out for a while.
(grunts)
(buzzing stops)
He did it.
How did you do that?
Do what?
Get the fly out of the air, Angie.
That's it, that's what you can do,
That's how he can get into the Magilla Book of Records.
Nah, who'd want to do that?
Hey, where are you going?
I'm going to join the Kukla, Fran and Ollie fan club.
Just don't tell anybody.
See you.
You know, he's got real fast hands, Fonz.
Yeah, right, so that's what we got to do
we got to find something that he can catch real fast.
Right, right.
Hey, hey, in the book,
I saw a picture of a guy catching quarters off his elbow.
Well, that's a start.
You got any change on you?
Oh, no, I don't think so.
I'm hungry.
Heyyy. (Groans)
I'm going upstairs to get my piggy bank.
Oh, you got a piggy bank, Fonz?
That's right, I do.
Duck.
Does it go "oink, oink" when you put pennies in it?
Actually, it doesn't, but you're going to.
Duck.
Marion, Joanie, they found my truck.
Where are you?
Nobody cares.
All they care about is their records.
They want records.
I'll show 'em records.
All right.
(inaudible)
(drumroll)
Okay, kid.
Come on, two minutes and ten seconds and you got a record.
Let's go. He looks tired.
I don't think he's going to make it.
I can't make it! Oh, look out, look out, Rich.
I can't make it! Look out, Rich!
(screams)
All right, the handstander is out
and the piggybacker is out.
Next. (Groaning)
Hey, he's got it, he's getting it, he's getting it.
Now, Angie, come on, you can do it, come on.
All right
It's, it's all right, Angie, you can do it.
Just believe.
Next. Our next contestant
will be Ralph Malph.
(cheering)
Ralph, come on.
All right, Ralph's going to try and break the record
for the world's biggest bubble.
Okay.
Stand back, this might get sticky.
Oh.
Okay, Ralph.
(drumroll)
You can do it, Ralph.
Come on, Ralph.
(all cheering)
No, I'm sorry, kid, that wasn't even close.
Oh, wait a minute, that's not fair.
I got another one.
Look at this one give me room I got another record.
Give him room, come on.
What is that?
The world's lowest jump.
(laughter)
Next, next, next!
He didn't even measure it. Next!
(chuckling): You still got it, Ralph.
I know. Yeah.
All right, all right, just keep it up, Angie,
just keep it up.
See, I can't do it, Fonz. Hey, wait a minute.
What do you mean you can't do it?
At least you're keeping up the coins on the elbow now.
That's half the trick, ain't it?
All right, all right. Rich.
Next up, we have Milwaukee's own Potsie Weber.
Now, he's going to attempt
to hold the world's longest B-flat note
while simultaneously jumping on a pogo stick.
All right, you'll have to beat two minutes, 31 seconds.
No sweat.
This hay fever is killing me.
Okay. All right.
Note, please.
(harmonica plays note, Potsie sings note)
Got it.
Here we go, guys.
(sings note)
All right, come on, Potsie.
(all cheering)
(wavering)
(Potsie sneezes, crowd groans)
Oh, no.
He sneezed, he sneezed.
Gesundheit.
No record.
How about a B-flat with a sneeze?
Please, please, next, next.
(all groaning)
All right, where's the kid with the nine-pound Lima bean?
That kid lied.
He painted a potato green.
That's it.
I've got to get out of here; It's driving me crazy.
Oh, oh, no, wait, wait.
We've got the owner of Arnold's, Al Delvecchio.
Show him, Al, let's go.
Wait a minute, hold it. All right.
Hold it, just a minute! All right, say go.
Just stop! Say go, I'm ready.
Just a minute.
That's magnificent,
but I'm afraid Mr. Durante still holds the record.
I'm flipping pancakes.
What's that got to do with my nose?
All right. One
ALL: Two three
four five
It's useless, Fonz, I can't do it.
Hey, don't you ever say "It's useless" to me again.
You understand? Now, listen.
Success is one thing that's cool.
I like success, too, right? Right.
It's not the most important.
The thing is you give it the best shot.
You give it your best shot.
That's all you can do, right?
Right. Get them up there, get them up there.
All right, all right.
Got one. You got one, you got one, all right!
See that?
I'm being calm, I'm being calm.
ALL: 67 68
69
All right.
ALL: 70
Way to go, Al baby.
Thanks, Ralph.
(all groaning)
You were closer with your nose.
I certainly hope that's everything.
Oh, come on, Richie, do something.
All we have left is Fonzie's cousin.
All right, I'm going to go get Angie.
Angie?
Angie, come on out.
We're ready for you.
All right, he's going to be right out.
I think he's got it.
(coins clattering)
He's a little nervous.
I have got to get out of this hick town.
Hey, oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, Angie, get out here.
All right, you see this?
This is the next Fonzarelli
that's going to be in your book, Mr. Whoever.
All right, okay, now, Angie,
do whatever you do with these 12 coins, right,
you're going for the record, you're going for the record.
All right, just a s Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
(cheering)
Hold it.
Hold it, hold it, please, please, hold it.
That is not the record, 12 is not the record.
A man in Topeka, Kansas, did 39 coins about two months ago.
That is the new record.
Well, I'll tell you something.
We're going for 40.
I can't do it, Fonz, too many.
Why are you saying you can't do it, Angie, huh?
Listen, I had to walk before I could run, too, right?
I had to work up to the Aloha Pussycats, right?
First I had to meet the Polaski twins,
I had to go with the Hooper triplets.
It's still too many, Fonz. It's not too many.
You got to believe, all right?
You got to give it your best shot, that's all.
We're going to work it up.
First you're going to do 20 coins, right?
Ralphie, Ralphie, you're gonna get me some more coins.
Come on. You got it.
Come on. All right, right?
All right, take, take it easy.
All right, 20 coins.
You can do it, Angie.
Just take it easy. He'll do it.
(drumroll)
(cheering)
30 coins.
Just, just concentrate and catch those babies.
(drumroll)
(cheering)
(drumroll)
This is for the record, Angie.
40 coins.
(scoffing): Can't be done.
All right, now, Angie, all you got to do is believe,
right, give it your best shot.
(cheering)
Heyyy.
"The new record for coin snatching
"40 coins was set by Angie Fonzarelli
"in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, at Arnold's Drive-In
"Al Delvecchio, owner." Now
That's so nice.
Okay, listen to this.
The record for the longest watermelon seed spitting is
Joanie, that's enough.
Go do your homework.
How long was that, dear?
Oh, really? Isn't that amazing?
Why would anybody want to do that?
I found my thrill ♪
On Blue-Blue-Blueberry Hill. ♪
Going on another date, Richard?
Yeah, how'd you know that, Dad?
Just a lucky guess.
Oh.
Hey, as a matter of fact, I'm taking out Elizabeth.
You just find
that when you carry a girl around on your shoulders,
you got a lot in common.
On Blue-Blue-Blueberry Hill. ♪
(door closes)
Angie, I'm telling you, you were fabo.
That's right, listen, don't take any wooden nickels.
(laughing)
Right, that was a joke, right.
Well, okay, listen, I'll talk to you, right.
I'll see you around.
Knock yourself out.
I'm telling you, he is amazing, he is amazing.
He's doing well in school, he's got a lot of confidence,
dating three girls at one time.
Whoa.
That's incredible.
Oh, not really, Mrs. C., I mean, uh, it's in the blood.
You know what I'm talking about?
As a matter of fact, he's a Fonzarelli.
Aaayyh, whoa!
You know, it's crazy,
thinking that someone could gain confidence
from a silly trick like that.
Well, it's not so easy, is it?
Oh, you think you can do it?
Well, maybe.
All right, try.
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪
! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪