Happy Days (1974) s04e17 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
?
.
.
Oh
(no audio)
(singing) All right, cut it out, Marion.
Oh, you're going to be
the cutest chaperone at the prom.
I asked you to rent me just a plain, black tuxedo.
Well, black is out, Howard.
This is hep I mean, it's spiffy,
snazzy, gives you pizzazz.
You really think so?
Pizzazz? Hmm.
Ooh nice tuxedo, Dad.
Here it comes.
Did it come with batteries?
Why didn't you put the address in your wallet?
Because I always lose things in my wallet.
That's why I put it in my glove compartment.
It's hard to lose a glove compartment.
Hey, Howie
nice tuxedo.
(Ralph chuckling)
Is he gonna be a chaperone,
or are they hanging him from the middle
of the gym and spinning him?
.
No, no, no, Dad, please, please don't.
I'm going upstairs and take off this neon suit.
Oh, Joanie, go up and tell him how nice he looks.
It looks great, Dad.
Jenny Piccalo has a nightgown just like it.
I don't want you
hanging around that Jenny Piccalo.
She's a 15-year-old Mae West!
How are we supposed to play a bar mitzvah
when we don't even know where it is?
Boys, why don't you just go out
and get the address out of Ralph's glove compartment?
Because his car is locked in Fonzie's garage.
Oh, dear.
And we can't find Fonzie
because it's Friday.
Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night,
Fonzie meets with some mystery lady.
Now, come on, Ralph.
You wrote the name down.
You must be able to remember where it is.
I got it! Good!
RICHIE: Oh, good, I knew he'd get it.
I remember that the place has a girl's name in it.
I told you I'd remember.
Good, good, that that's good,
we'll look it up in the phone book. All right, great.
What are we gonna do, look for every place
that has a girl's name in it?
Yeah. We'll never find it!
That's hopeless, my whole life is hopeless!
Yeah, we know that, Ralph.
Oh, God doesn't want me to go to the prom.
Oh, Ralph, it will be all right.
When Fonzie comes home at 9:30,
he'll open the garage.
Oh, no, no, Mom, 9:30's gonna be
much too late, we've got to
Mom how do you know
what time Fonzie's coming home?
You know, boys, I've been wondering
where you've decided to go to college.
Oh, Ralph, you look so nice.
Thank you, thank you, Mrs. C.
Mom Doesn't he?
Mom how do you know.
Fonzie's coming home at 9:30?
Oh, did I did I actually say that?
Yes. I wasn't RALPH: Mrs. C?
Yes, Ralph, what, dear?
Uh, Mrs. C., um,
nobody knows where Fonzie's been hanging out
for the last couple of months nobody.
Oh, that's right, so how would I know?
You didn't pull 9:30 out of a hat.
Oh, just a guess, just a wild guess,
and not a bad good guess at all,
kind of a bad guess, not a hat oh
Mrs. C., why don't you just sit down?
All right, thank you.
We need information, and we need it now.
Oh, Ralph,
this is my mother you're talking to, you know?
All right, excuse me, Mrs. C.
Look, Rich, we'll just try to scare her a little.
You know, you better stay out of it.
You're too close, okay?
All right, Mrs. C.
Now, you know you're like a mother to us.
Yes, Ralph.
But, you're not leaving this room
until you tell us where Fonzie is.
Right, and we mean business!
All right, start talking.
Boys, I don't like being treated this way.
Richard, they are threatening me.
I can't help you, Mom, I'm too close.
You're not that close, Rich come on, break her.
All right, all right, all right, now, Mom?
This is on your head now.
No bar mitzvah.
And, Mom, we're not gonna have any money
to go to our senior prom,
our one and only senior prom.
No prom. All right.
No girls. All right, I'll tell you.
Yeah? I can't tell you.
(boys groaning) I promised oh, Ralph, please!
Think of the name of the club.
Don't hit me, Mrs. C.!
Help me, Rich, help! Oh, Ralph,
dear, I'm so sorry, dear.
It's it's just the pressure.
All right, I'll tell you,
but you have got to promise that you won't tell a soul.
Oh, we promise, not a soul, Mrs.
C. Sure, never, we won't tell anyone.
Fonzie has been
Yeah, yeah? Yeah, yeah? He's at
Jefferson High School there.
RICHIE: Jefferson? I've said it.
I've said it.
He's been going to night school.
Boy, did she spill her guts.
,
please recite tonight's poem.
Sure, I'll read this one, you know,
just for, uh, Michelle here, all right. (Giggling)
"I Love You" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
(giggling)
Thanks very much, Michelle.
"I love your lips when they're wet with wine
and red with wild desire."
Uh, please, uh, read that again,
and tell me, what does that line mean to you?
Whoa!
Good, you understand.
FONZIE: "I love your eyes when the love light
lies lit with a passionate fire."
Huh, dig it, whoa.
"I love your arms
"when the warm, white flesh
touches mine in a fond embrace."
Whoa.
"I love your hair when the strands
enmesh and your kisses against my face", Michelle.
(sighs passionately) Yeah.
You do quite well for someone
who doesn't like to recite poetry.
Oh, of course.
The class will take a ten-minute break to cool off.
Fonz, we've got to see you.
This isn't happening.
(moaning)
.
Hey, yeah, we'll share, we'll share.
You just sit tight.
Memorize some American words, will you?
Get over here.
Malph will you get over here, Malph?
Find your own.
Right, Fonz.
What are you doing here?
Well, Fonz, we've got a problem. Yeah.
Your mother told you where I was?
Yeah, she did, but she wouldn't have, Fonz,
not if it wasn't a big emergency.
Yeah, Fonz, an emergency.
What are you, a parrot?
Yeah, you see, we
we've got to play this bar mitzvah,
and the address is locked up in your garage.
And Malph doesn't know
?
.
I got it! There he goes again.
The name of the place is Beth.
I knew it was a girl's name.
Beth Israel.
Come on, let's hurry up, we don't want to be late.
Right see you, Fonz, have fun.
Fonz?
Yeah?
I was gonna ask you what you're doing here,
but, uh, I can tell.
Yeah, I bet you can, and so can your mother.
Oh, uh, don't blame that on her, Fonz, really.
Don't you have someplace to go?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Fonz? Yeah?
What are you studying?
Foreign Relations?
(chuckling)
Where was I?
Now, they don't know this yet, you see,
but those are my pals,
and I'm going to graduate with them, huh?
Uh "graduate"?
Yeah, you know
Graduate.
(giggles): Oh, Fonzie.
Hey
I don't know if she understands,
but then, I know I don't care, you know?
h
,
.
I don't want to be late to my own prom.
Now, when you get there, be sure
to stand up straight so your cummerbund won't sag.
I-I will, Mom.
Well, I got to get going.
I want to pick up Arlene a little early.
Her parents want to take some home movies of us.
(mimicking James Stewart): I, uh
I was thinking I might do my Jimmy Stewart impression.
That's so good.
Yeah, thanks, Mom, I like it.
Oh, uh, Richard, the boys haven't said anything
about, uh, Fonzie going to school?
No, Mom, of course not, we can keep a secret.
Oh, good, I'm so glad,
'cause I was worried about that.
Well, you don't have to worry.
Good.
Oh, well, here it comes.
She's gonna tell me I look like
Casper the Friendly Ghost or Guy Lombardo
or, uh, the Good Humor Man
or somebody like that, right?
Not at all, Rich, I think you look very handsome.
Oh, now, that's nice.
(mimicking James Stewart): Wow, uh, thank you there, Joanie.
You know, he did look like Casper the Friendly Ghost.
He did not.
Mom, did you hear the news?
Fonzie's going to night school. No!
Oh, where did you hear that?
I heard it from Jenny Piccalo.
AL: I love a parade ♪
The tramping of feet ♪
I love every beat I hear from a drum ♪
The rat-a-tee-tat ♪
The blare from a horn ♪
The rat-a-tee-tat
A bright uniform ♪
Oh, I love a parade ♪
Hey, hey! ♪
(saxophone solo)
Oh, I'm so happy to be here with you, Richie.
Oh. I love my corsage.
Well, I if you like this prom,
wait till you see what I've got planned afterwards.
We're gonna watch the sunrise together.
I found my thrill ♪
Later, later. All right.
GIRL: I'm not wearing this corsage, Ralph.
It looks great, Kim.
I don't think it goes with my dress.
Fussy, fussy.
Look, Kim, it's fresh.
It's the freshest corsage here.
Ralph's father has them growing
all over the backyard.
What do you want?
Anybody can buy a corsage.
I gave it the personal touch.
I ripped it right out of the ground
with my own two hands.
Couldn't you cut off the roots?
Let's go say hello to Arlene and Rich.
Hey, uh, Rich, hey, Arlene, how you doing?
(all saying hello)
Hey, come on, let's dance.
(band playing "Heart and Soul")
Oh, Kim, I love it when you hum in my ear.
I'm not humming, there's a bee in my corsage.
("Heart and Soul" continues)
(song ends)
(applause)
Thank you, thank you.
We hope you're all enjoying the prom,
coming to you from Jefferson's ballroom gymnasium,
just a stone's throw from Arnold's Drive-In.
Now I take great pleasure
to bring on a very special guest
(drumroll)
Arthur Fonzarelli!
(cheering, applause)
(band playing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow")
FONZIE: Hi, guys.
Hello, Mr. C.
(music stops)
Hello, Arthur.
Come on, stoolie, I'll buy you a drink.
All right now, Michelle,
I want you to stand right there.
Right.
All right.
Listen, uh, before we start the festivities,
I just want to clear the air about something.
A lot of you have speculated on
why I'm going to night school.
POTSIE: Yeah. (Chuckles)
Some of you have said that I-I'm studying to be a teacher.
(crowd murmurs) That was going around.
Wrong.
Some of you said that I was trying to pick up chicks.
(crowd murmurs)
Wrong.
Somebody even said that I was studying
to get the Nobel Peace Prize.
That was mine.
All very reasonable possibilities,
all of them incorrect-o.
Now, you see, I wanted this to be a surprise.
I didn't realize that certain people had loose lips.
All right, now the fact is that tonight,
I join you
as a graduating senior.
(cheering, applause)
I know you're proud; I'm proud, too.
Now, the thing is that, uh, I will be available tonight
to sign all your yearbooks, all right?
Have a good time.
All right.
(band plays riff)
Thank you, Fonzie.
Oh, excuse me, Fonzie.
This girl was
just stung by a bee.
Well, I think you'd better go to the ladies' room,
put some mud on it.
Mud is good.
I be right back.
You do that.
Arthur, I don't have loose lips.
No, Mom, I-I don't think that he was talking about you.
If the lip fits, wear it.
Yeah, well, he-he didn't mean it that way.
I know what he meant.
(band playing slow waltz)
You know, Fonzie,
I don't blame you for being upset
at the way Marion was shooting off her big mouth.
But also, I'd like to remind you,
she does do some nice things, too.
You know, she gets up early in the morning,
and she makes your breakfast.
She fills your little thermos bottle
and cooks your vegetables.
Well, I'll tell you one thing,
she's very good with my veggies, that's true.
And I think that there comes a time in everyone's life
when they make at least one mistake, you know?
Uh, Michelle, would you, uh, care to dance with me?
Yeah.
You want to dance?
Whoa!
(band playing lively swing tune)
♪♪
(music stops)
Yeah! (Cheering, applause)
(chuckles): Oh.
Thank you, thank you.
We now have a very special treat.
Our own Potsie Weber is going to dedicate a song
to his fellow seniors and to a very special girl.
Potsie will sing "Deeply."
All right! (Applause)
Get those lights down.
Why don't you all come on up to the bandstand, hold hands.
(band playing "Deeply")
You ask is my love real ♪
All I can say is how I feel ♪
Deeply ♪
Deeply as can be ♪
You seem to need to know ♪
How I would hurt if you would go ♪
Deeply ♪
Down inside of me ♪
Is our love forever ♪
Can anyone ever know? ♪
For all I remember ♪
I never have felt love so ♪
So deeply ♪
Deeply ♪
Deeply ♪
Deeply ♪
Our love is made by two ♪
And I can't make it without you ♪
Deeply ♪
Deeply ♪
Deeply ♪
For our love ♪
For our love. ♪
(music ends, cheering, applause)
Potsie,
that's a beautiful song and you did a wonderful job with it.
Oh, thank you. Thank you!
It was great!
Great song! Thanks.
All right.
All right, this is it, Rich.
After they play "Good Night Sweetheart,"
we all split for the lake.
Yeah.
Clear. Excuse me.
ARLENE: Hey, what's Mr. Connors doing here?
I don't know, but whenever Connors shows up,
it's something bad. Yeah.
Yeah, the last surprise we had was a fire drill in the rain.
AL: Attention.
Vice Principal Connors would like a few words with you.
(band plays riff)
Thank you, graduates, and congratulations.
However, I have just come from looking at the final exams
in Coach McMillan's Health and Hygiene class.
And I must say that I am shocked to find out
that this class is nothing but a sham.
(crowd murmurs)
One genius thought that a patella was a nickel cigar.
Hey, he called me a genius!
I have taken the liberty of regrading all the exams
and everybody has flunked.
(clamoring)
Now, now,
if any of you flunkees want to,
want to graduate, you may all it is open to
all of these seniors you may take another exam
tomorrow morning at 8:30 sharp.
But if you don't pass, you don't graduate.
(murmurs)
And now, you may go back to having your fun.
(clamoring)
Some of the seniors may not have heard my announcement,
so please make sure that they hear it.
I understand that you're very good at spreading the word.
He flunked the whole class!
Big deal. I didn't like Health and Hygiene anyway.
Potsie, don't you realize we're not graduating now?
Oh, sure we will.
We're all gonna study right after we go watch the sunrise.
Yeah. Sunrise?
Uh, we're not watching any sunrise.
We've got to go to Kim's and study.
Oh, yeah.
I'll meet you up on Blueberry Hill some other night.
(groans)
Bye.
I'm sorry about the bee sting.
POTSIE: Bye. Bye. Bye.
No sunrise.
Richard, we'll discuss how this happened tomorrow.
But right now, I think you guys
better go home and start studying.
Now, calm down, Howard.
We'll go home and we'll make some coffee for the boys.
I can't believe this.
Of all nights We're not gonna graduate.
We're gonna be stuck here for another year. (All chattering)
What are we gonna do? I don't
Stop moaning.
You're gonna pass this test, you're gonna graduate.
Oh, come on, Fonz, it's out of the question.
The test is tomorrow morning at 8:30.
Let me tell you something, I think you're forgetting
that you got graduation,
one of the most important things in your life.
You got your big five.
You got life, you got death,
you got marriage, you got graduation.
Yeah, but, Fonz, that's only four.
What's number five?
Heyyy.
RALPH: Oh, I like number five.
Listen up.
I want you at my place in 20 minutes.
You're gonna study your little heads off, you understand?
All right, you're gonna graduate with me.
I didn't go through night school
to graduate by myself, dig it?
Right, Fonz. Okay, Fonz.
All right, departez-vous.
Yeah, okay, Fonz. Yeah, okay, Fonz, yeah.
Oh, shh. What a night.
We blew the sunrise, and now we're not gonna graduate.
It's worse than that, Rich,
We're gonna have to give back our graduation presents.
I didn't get any!
Well, it's that time again.
And time for the last dance of the evening.
And it's time for us to say, in our own way
Good night (band playing "Good Night, Sweetheart")
Sweetheart ♪
Till we meet ♪
Tomorrow ♪
(slowly): You understand, this is the last dance,
then I have to go and help my friends study.
Dig it?
(blows)
They can start without me.
Good night. ♪
We're never gonna
You're gonna pass this test,
and you're gonna graduate.
I didn't go through night school to graduate by my lonesome.
"You will receive your diploma in the mail."
And I studied my heart out.
And now they want to send me my diploma in the mail,
like I was a "Dear Occupant."
When I worry, I cook, and when you worry, you eat.
That's why we have a happy marriage.
And that's why you have a happy tummy.
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪