The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e18 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
The Brady Bunch.
Hey, Marsh, wait up.
Hi, Vicki.
Wasn't that a terrific
football game Friday night?
Yeah. We've got a real team this year.
You mean we've got Doug Simpson.
He's the whole team.
He's far out.
He's so rugged and handsome.
There are other values that
are far more important though.
Like what?
Well, give me time.
I'll think of something.
Don't look now, but he's right behind us
Doug Simpson.
Just act casual.
Hi, girls.
Morning, Doug.
Oh, Marcia, I've been looking for you.
Me? Yeah.
I was wondering if you'd like
to go to a dance with me
on Saturday night?
Marcia.
Yeah. I'd love to.
Great. Saturday night, then, okay?
Bye. See you.
Bye.
A date with Doug Simpson?
Can I touch you?
It might rub off.
( laughing )
Vicki
What's the matter?
I just thought of something awful.
I've got a date with Charley
for Saturday night.
Charley?
I was so shook up by Doug
that I completely forgot.
Now I've got two dates
for the same night.
What are you going to do?
Yeah, what am I going to do?
Hi, Greg.
Hi, Charley.
What's all the stuff?
Wallpaper samples for your folks
from my dad's shop.
Say, is, uh, Marcia around?
No, Charley.
She's not home from school yet.
You can turn your motor off.
Oh. Yeah, well, um we'll see you.
Sure.
Mmm! Alice, those cookies
smell delicious.
I hope they last till I get
them in the cookie jar.
They sure do go fast.
In four years, not one of those kids
has ever tasted a cold cookie.
Oh, hi, Charley.
Come on in.
Hi.
Dad sent these samples
for your bedroom.
Oh, good. Let's just put them down here
on the table and have a look.
Dad said some of them
are pretty expensive,
but, seeing that you're Marcia's mother,
I think I can arrange a discount.
Would a few cookies get us
a discount on the discount?
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
Better brace yourself.
Your heartthrob Charley's inside.
Charley's here?
He had to bring over some wallpaper.
Greg, I need your advice
about something.
Sure. What?
What's the easiest way
to break a date with a guy?
Break a date? Yeah.
Uh You can tell him you're sick,
or you had to go out of town.
Uh-uh. He might see me at school.
Well, why don't you just do
what we guys always do
just say something suddenly came up.
Something suddenly came up.
That's all?
It always works.
Besides, it's not even a lie.
Thanks, Greg.
Do you have to
break a date with Charley?
Yeah.
How come?
Something suddenly came up.
My dad picked out these
patterns for you himself.
That was very sweet of him.
How do you like this one, Mrs. Brady?
Looks good on you, Alice,
but let's see how it looks
on the bedroom wall, okay?
Bye, Charley.
Help yourself to some cookies.
Oh, thanks. We'll see you.
Hi.
Hi, Marcia.
Gee, I was hoping I'd get to see you.
Uh Charley,
there's, uh something that I
Oh, Saturday night,
I can pick you up at 7:00.
And we can go to a movie.
And, afterwards, maybe some pizza.
Well, I'm sorry
If you don't like pizza,
we can have tacos.
It's not that Hamburgers.
Chili dogs. You name it, you've got it.
Charley I have to break our date.
You do?
Gee, I hope nothing's wrong.
No. It's just that, uh
something suddenly came up.
Oh. Well, I'm sure sorry.
So am I, but
Well, maybe we can
make it some other time, huh? Sure.
Well, I better be getting back to the shop.
See you, Marcia.
Bye.
Well, I don't know, honey.
Out of the two,
the only one I halfway like
is the one with the stripes.
No. I prefer the one with the roses.
That's okay if this
was just a ladies' room.
I mean just a room for ladies.
But no, I like the stripes better.
Oh, honey, I'm afraid
I'd feel like I was in jail.
No. I like the rose pattern much better.
Hi. Did you decide anything yet?
No, Alice. Which one
do you like the best? Me?
Yeah. Which one do you like?
Which one do you like, Mr. Brady?
Oh, I like the stripes.
You couldn't have made a better choice.
There's nothing nicer than stripes.
I like the roses.
Unless, of course, it's roses.
Roses are so, um
rosy.
How about striped roses?
Rose-colored stripes?
Come on, Alice, what
do you honestly think?
I honestly think
I should keep my mouth shut.
Hey, Bobby, look at the wallpaper.
That's really neat.
Sure doesn't match.
What do you think?
I like the roses the best.
I like the stripes.
I like the way it runs in the family.
( Knocking on door )
Come in.
I just wanted to thank
you for your advice.
You mean about how to break your date?
Mm-hmm. Worked fine.
How did Charley take it?
Okay. Didn't seem to bother him at all.
Good. But it made me feel awful.
You wanted the date
with Doug, didn't you?
Sure. When I think
about having the chance
to go out with a guy like Doug,
I feel fantastic!
He's so good-looking,
popular and terrific.
Right.
But, when I think about Charley
just a plain, sweet, ordinary
guy sitting home alone
I feel terrible.
Then just think about Doug.
You're right.
Doug's the biggest man on campus.
A girl would be out of their mind
not to go out with him. Sure.
But poor old Charley nice as can be
all alone Saturday night.
I'm a rat.
Marcia, I can't keep up with you.
Me? It's not easy being a woman.
Well, I'll tell you one thing
it's a lot easier for you than it is for me.
Cindy, will you move?
I'm thinking.
You've only got one move to make,
and you're going to lose.
So what's there to think about?
I'm thinking about losing.
( Knocking )
Oh, come in, Charley.
Hi. I just brought some
new samples for your folks.
Oh, Mom's upstairs.
Is Marcia around?
No, she hasn't gotten back
from school yet.
Oh.
Boy, he sure is hung up on Marcia.
Yeah, poor Charley.
Too bad she had
to break her date with him.
Why'd she break her date?
Something suddenly came up.
What?
You're too young to understand.
( Car engine revving )
Oh, no. Doug's here.
So what?
Cindy, you're too young to understand.
Thanks.
Sure.
Thanks for the ride home, Doug.
Oh, anytime.
You make the car look great, Marcia.
Thanks.
Hey, don't forget about our date
on Saturday night.
No way.
Hi. Hi.
Oh, I'd like you to meet my sister, Jan.
This is Doug Simpson.
Hi.
Hey, how'd you like
to come into the house
for a cold drink? Uh he can't.
What do you mean he can't?
We're all out of cold drinks.
Well, how about a cold
piece of fruit or something?
We're all out of fruit, too.
And besides it's such a mess upstairs
with all those wallpaper samples.
So what? We'll stay downstairs.
Well, there are wallpaper samples
all over the place.
And that wallpaper didn't walk in
by itself, you know. Huh?
Somebody had to bring them.
Oh, yes, of course.
I know what you mean.
Jan's right the place is a mess.
Yeah, well, I've got to get
to football practice anyway.
So I'll see you, Marcia.
Okay.
Oh, and nice meeting you, Jan.
Yeah.
Bye. See you at school.
Okay, see you then.
Boy, thanks for telling
me that Charley was here.
That could have been a disaster.
I know.
What could have been a disaster?
Cindy, you're too young to understand.
I wish I was old enough to understand
all these things I'm too young
to understand.
MIKE: Well, at last we found
a pattern we can agree on.
Yeah. It only took two days
and a hundred samples.
Well, I'll give Charley's
father the order in the morning.
Hey, honey, wait a minute.
It just occurs to me.
What does?
Well, if we use this wallpaper,
we're going to have to
get new drapes. Oh, honey.
Yeah. And look at this carpeting.
If we get new wallpaper and new drapes,
we're going to need new carpeting.
New carpeting?
Yeah, and look at the bedspread.
Honey, if we get new carpeting,
new wallpaper and new drapes,
we're going to have
to have a new bedspread.
Listen, honey, I got a great idea. What?
Forget the wallpaper. Let's paint.
Okay, let's paint,
but we're still going to need
new carpeting, new drapes
and a new bedspread.
Not if we repaint the same color.
Aw, honey.
Okay, it's last quarter, one minute to go,
and we're behind seven to six.
Okay.
Hut, hut, hike.
Touchdown! Yay!
Me, too.
I'm really looking forward
to Saturday night, Doug.
I hate to say good-bye, too.
Bye.
Doug?
Yeah.
When you come back to Earth,
would you please go tell the boys
to come in and straighten up their room?
Yeah.
( Chuckles )
15, 64, 50, 80, 90, hike! Hike!
Hey, you guys
Oh, my nose!
Marcia, you okay?
We were we're really sorry.
Oh, let's take a look at it, honey.
It's getting bigger by the minute.
MIKE: I think we better get
her to a doctor right away.
I hope it isn't broken.
What's the difference?
There goes my date with Doug.
Oh, look at my nose.
It's getting bigger by the minute.
Oh, it's not that big.
It just seems that way
'cause you've been staring at it.
How can I avoid it?
Wherever I look, there it is.
Look on the bright side.
The doctor said it wasn't broken.
Marcia, I brought you some more ice.
No more ice, Cindy.
My nose is freezing.
It's turning blue.
Well, it's a nice shade of blue.
I wish I could out on the date
and leave my nose at home.
Doug's a football player.
He's probably used to
a lot of swollen noses.
Yeah, but not on girls.
Marcia, I'm proud to be your sister
no matter how terrible you look.
Thanks a lot!
Hey, your nose is beginning
to look better already.
Isn't it, girls?
Oh, yeah. A lot.
Why don't you try and
take your mind off that nose?
Help your father and me.
We're just starting to paint the bedroom.
Oh, good! Oh, good!
Come on.
It's going to be a lot of fun, I think.
Get my mind off of it.
I'll never forget that football game
as long as I live.
Hey, you guys
Oh, my nose!
Oh, my nose!
Oh, my nose!
Okay, kids, let's get to work.
Now, remember, this is not a game.
Paint up and down, not in circles.
Neatness counts.
Yeah, be careful.
The paint goes on the walls,
not on your clothes.
All right. Okay, let's go.
You're never going to finish like that.
Let me show you how.
Give me your brush.
GREG: Hey, Pete.
Yeah?
Okay
Didn't I tell you kids no games?!
Besides, that's paint for the window trim.
Well, can't we just finish it?
You are finished.
Go.
Turpentine.
Marcia, you can't go
around school all day
hiding behind that binder.
Well, I wouldn't have
come to school at all today
if it hadn't have been
for those two dumb tests.
Can't you just try and
forget about your nose?
I can't. I don't want Doug
to see me until Saturday.
By then, the swelling might go down.
Oh, I get it. Keep it hidden, then.
See you.
Oh, excuse me.
Marcia, I didn't recognize you
behind your notebook.
I'll walk you to your next class.
Oh, that's okay. I'm really thirsty.
Go on ahead. Well, I'll wait.
That's okay. I wouldn't want you
to be late on account of me.
I've never seen anybody
drink that much water.
You must be part camel.
Marcia, what happened?
The silliest little thing.
My brothers were playing football,
and my nose got in the way.
It's just a little bump.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can hardly even notice it.
Uh look, Marcia,
the reason I wanted to walk
to your class with you
is I have to tell you something.
You see, I'm afraid I have
to break our date for Saturday night.
Break our date?
Yeah.
Well, you see,
something suddenly came up.
Something suddenly came up?
( Bell ringing )
Yeah. Well, I don't want
you to be late for class, okay?
I'll see you.
"Something suddenly came up."
Well, it won't be as comfortable
as your own bed, Mrs. Brady,
but at least you won't
be inhaling paint all night.
Yeah, I can inhale
beautiful, pure, fresh smog.
Some choice.
I'm so glad Marcia finally went to sleep.
She was so upset.
Yeah. Poor kid.
There she stood, looking in the mirror,
saying, "Why me? Why me?"
Come to think of it,
that's what I say
when I look in a mirror, too.
Oh, Alice.
Well, that ought to do it.
Good night, Mrs. Brady.
Good night, Alice. Thank you.
Well, good night, Mr. Brady. Happy sofa.
Thanks, Alice. And my
sacroiliac thanks you.
Mike. Hmm?
Do you realize that this will
be the first night
since we've been married
that we haven't slept in the same bed?
Kind of breaks up
the monotony, doesn't it?
Now, Mike, don't start that.
Aw, come on. Can't you take a joke?
Sure. I married you, didn't I?
Wait a second.
( Glasses clinking )
Wonder who's in the kitchen.
I don't know, but there's
one way to find out.
( loudly ): Who's in the kitchen?
It's me, Mom.
You want to talk?
Could we?
Sure. Come on in, sweetheart.
I couldn't really sleep.
Marcia, honey, your nose
isn't going to be swollen forever.
Try to forget about Saturday night.
Even though it wasn't very nice
of that boy to break your date.
I guess I deserve it.
I wasn't very nice myself.
What do you mean?
Well, I broke my date
with Charley for the same night
just so I could go out
with Doug Simpson
the big man on campus.
You're right.
That wasn't very nice.
MIKE: I think your
problem isn't a swollen nose.
It's a bruised conscience.
I guess so.
I came out to cheer you up.
Thanks, Cindy.
Want to go to the corner
for some ice cream?
I found some money in the sofa.
No, thanks.
Marcia, do you mind being cheered up?
No. It's okay.
'Cause, when someone tries
to cheer you up,
and you don't want to be cheered up,
it's not very cheery.
That's right.
Did I cheer you up?
I'm afraid not.
Guess I'll get some ice cream anyway.
Maybe it'll cheer me up.
Hey, Marcia, do you want to come listen
to my new record album with me?
It's really far out.
I'm not in the mood for enjoying myself.
I've seen you down before,
but this has got to be the downest.
Hi, Marcia. Hi, Charley.
I just stopped by to
pick up the paintbrushes.
Gee, what happened to your nose?
I had a little accident.
That's too bad.
Hey, you know, I was thinking
if you can't go out with me Saturday,
how about Sunday?
Not with this nose.
Marcia, I want to take out
all of you, not just your nose.
Charley, I couldn't go out
with you or anybody else
looking like this.
( Alarm ringing )
Why is it that nights are so short
and days are so long?
JAN: Because, during the day,
we have to go to school.
Jan, look!
What?
Marcia, your nose!
Don't remind me.
I dreamt I was Pinocchio.
No. The swelling is gone.
Your nose is back to normal.
What?
Oh, my gosh!
Come on. Look!
It is back to normal.
It's me again.
Now the world can look me in the face,
and I can look back.
I can't believe it!
Hey, Doug, that was a great game
you played last week.
Oh, thanks a lot. Uh
Charley.
Yeah, right. Charley.
Trees, flowers, birds, the whole world.
That's 'cause you're looking at the world
through rose-colored noses.
Hi, Greg. Hi, Marcia.
Hi, Doug. Hi.
Hey, Marcia, wait up.
Your, uh
your nose is okay, huh?
Yeah.
Uh Marcia, I was looking for you.
Uh my aunt, who was coming to town,
well, she changed her plans,
and so our date for Saturday
night is still on, okay?
Sorry, Doug.
I can't make it.
You can't?
Something suddenly came up.
Oh, I see.
Well, if you change your plans,
let me know, okay?
Sure.
See you. See you, Doug.
Nice going, Marsh.
See you later. Bye.
Charley, is that you?
Hi, Marcia. Hi.
Just tying my shoelace.
Hey, your nose is back to its old self.
Yeah, it's okay now.
But, like I said,
you look great with any kind of nose.
Thanks.
Charley, there's something
I have to tell you.
What?
Well, I played a dirty trick on you.
Dirty trick?
I broke my date that
I had with you for Saturday
because Doug Simpson
asked me out for the same night.
That's the something
that suddenly came up.
You're right.
It was a dirty trick.
I just wanted to let
you know that I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Hey, by the way,
I'm still available if you want
to go out with me Saturday night.
I'd like to. ( Bell rings )
Good. I'll walk you to class. Come on.
I tied my shoelaces to the bench.
Charley, are you all right?
Clumsy, but all right.
It's getting kind of late.
Oh, honey,
Marcia's just having a good time.
I'm not worried.
I just said it was getting kind of late.
My goodness, it is getting late!
Well, don't worry.
She's just having a good time.
( Door opening )
Hi, honey.
Hi.
MIKE: Hi, sweetheart.
Did you and Charley have a good time?
Oh, yeah. The movie was great.
Charley's really super.
Sounds like you had fun.
Mm-mmm.
Guess who we ran into later
at the pizza place.
Don't tell me Doug Simpson.
Big man on campus?
Yep.
Was it, uh uncomfortable?
Well, Doug started teasing me
about breaking my date with him,
so Charley defended me.
They got into a fight.
Fight? I hope nobody was hurt.
I'm afraid he was.
His nose was swollen up like a balloon.
Oh, poor Charley.
Charley?! It was Doug.
Charley really belted him.
Doug was so embarrassed
that he ran home.
Isn't that dumb?
Just because of a swollen nose?
What an ego.
Well, it seems to me
I remember somebody else who felt
exactly the same way when her nose
was swollen up like a balloon.
Who?
Who? You.
Me?
Short memory.
Good night.
Good night, honey. Yes, good night.
Yeah, it looks great.
Yeah, it really does.
It looks like it was done
by professional painters.
Well
Mike, it just occurs to me. What?
Well, now that we've
painted this bedroom,
it looks so great it's going
to make the hallway look
really shabby. Oh, Carol.
I think we're going to
have to paint the hallway.
Just the hallway, huh?
Well, now that you mention it,
we probably have to paint the stairs, too.
Yeah, now that I mention it.
Yeah, and probably the entry hall.
And, while we're at it,
we might as well paint your den.
You'd like to have your den painted,
wouldn't you, Mike?
Mike?
Mike?
( Screams )
( laughing ): I'll get you.
We can paint, can't we?
We just did.