Happy Days (1974) s04e19 Episode Script
The Physical
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
.
MARION: Richard, I wanted you to get up early this morning
so that I could get all your dirty clothes.
Well, it's not that late, Mom. How did you sleep so late?
I want to get all this work over oh!
Look, I know there's a mess.
I'm sorry, I j I just got in a little late last night.
I noticed.
Did you "find your thrill on Blueberry Hill"?
Bill, bill, Occupant, bill.
It seems like all I do is pick up after you.
Well, I'm picking, Mom, I'm picking.
I mean, he's not a baby anymore.
He's going to be going to college.
He's a man. Now he is.
What do you mean?
You've been drafted.
I've been drafted?
He's been drafted?
He can't go.
Dad, will you open that?
He's just a boy.
He's too young to go in the Army.
Oh, Marion, look,
this is just a notice to report for a physical examination.
Now, that doesn't mean he's drafted.
Yeah, but I-I didn't plan this.
I mean, who would plan this?
Oh, Richard, let me take those things.
Oh, you'll be going away soon.
Marion, will you take it easy?
We knew this day was going to come sooner or later.
Now, look, we're not at war.
He'll probably go in as an officer.
You are planning to continue ROTC in college, aren't you?
Yeah, I've already taken it for two years in high school,
but hey, I'm going to find Potsie and Ralph
and see if they got their notices, too.
What's going on?
Oh, Richard just got his draft notice.
Great.
You'll get to see the world
Rome and Paris.
Maybe you'll even get to see Bob Hope.
Bob Hope can sit on it.
I'll be all right.
Don't worry about it.
Be careful, dear.
Hey, hey, guys, I've been looking all over for you.
I just got my notice here
to take my physical for the draft.
The line forms to the right.
Oh, good, I'm glad I'm not alone.
Oh, I mean, I'm sorry that they got you guys,
but it's just that I didn't want to
I'm just going to get in line here.
(chuckles)
My dad doesn't want me to go.
He says war is bad for my sense of humor.
My dad's trying to rent my room.
I don't want to go to Guadalcanal.
Ralph, they're not going to send you to Guadalcanal.
We won that battle.
Oh, yeah.
I'll go there.
I like occupied islands.
They play volleyball.
They meet you at the beach and they dive for coins.
Who just slammed that door?
Who just slammed that door in my ears?
No, Fonzie, strong wind today.
Really, it was just the wind.
Yeah, right, just the wind.
Now, listen up, all right?
Kim Butkus is coming, coming by to pick up her car.
I haven't finished it yet.
So will you please take your soap opera somewhere else?
Wait a minute, this is not a soap opera.
This is life.
Your life is a soap opera.
Listen, the Army's going to be good for you.
Make men out of you most of you.
Hey, Fonz, why didn't they call on you?
Are you kidding, Pots?
The Fonz is our secret weapon.
Heyyy.
Richard, eat your pancakes.
Your eggs and bacon will be ready in a minute.
It's hard to eat at 5:30 in the morning.
It's still dark outside.
Well, I want you to have a big breakfast
because you'll need energy for your physical.
It doesn't take that much energy
to walk around in your underwear.
Bye, everybody, I'm off to work.
(birds chirping)
Marion, look at this.
Get the camera quick.
We got a total eclipse.
Oh, no, Howard,
it's 5:30 in the morning, dear.
I set your alarm clock ahead
so that you could get up and say good-bye to Richard.
I'm sorry.
Have a nice physical, Richard.
That wasn't an eclipse?
No.
You'll wake me when we have one?
Yes.
Dad, Dad, w-why don't you at least eat some pancakes
with me while you're up?
Well, okay, if there's plenty
of maple syrup.
MARION: Plenty, dear.
Doesn't anybody sleep around this place?
We're all up to see Richard off.
I made his favorite breakfast.
(chuckling): C rations?
Boy, I tell you, I remember in the Army
when I had to get up at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh, Howard, please.
War stories are always so gruesome.
What's gruesome about K.P.?
Well, I'm gonna have to get going now.
I'll see you later. Oh, Richard.
Is it time already?
Well, I'm going back to bed.
This looks like it's going to be real tearjerker.
Bye, Rich.
Don't forget my kimono.
Have a nice life.
(knocking)
Oh, they've come for you.
I could hide him in the attic.
It's all right, Mom, it's fine.
Greetings. Yeah, hi, guys. Rich, Mr. C.
Hi.
Well, thanks for the breakfast.
We got to get going now. Well, wait, now,
Ralph and Potsie might like some breakfast.
Yeah, yeah. Good idea, okay.
Mom, we don't have time for this.
We'll take it along with us.
Come on. Right, Pots. Hi, Howie.
Richard.
Here's your lunch for the physical.
Now, did you put on your clean underwear?
(both laughing)
Well, did you, Rich?
Yeah, I put on my ROTC underwear.
Come on, we got to be there at 0700.
I'll return the maple syrup.
Well, we're off to the Army.
Don't worry, Mr. C.
I'll take good care of him for you.
(groans)
Okay, everybody, group "B" in here.
Move it, move it, move it, move it,
move it, move it, move it, move it,
move it.
Wait a second, I said group "B".
That says "C."
What are you, some kind of college graduate or something?
Out, out!
I hate college graduates.
All right, men.
My name is Sergeant Betchler.
Hmm?
And that's the way I like it pronounced
Betchler.
All right, before we start anything, what is that smell?
Well, uh, that-that's my lunch.
My mother made it for me.
I-It's a sardine sandwich.
It's my favorite kind.
Oh, it's your favorite, huh?
I-I-I'll find some place to put it.
Yeah, I hope you do.
Oh.
Ah, not under Ike.
Oh.
Eh
Oh, yeah, no, no, not under the flag.
That's right, let me help you, let me help you.
Oh, good, you found a place for it.
I think it's a real, a real nice place, too, I
Sit down. Right.
All right, where was I?
Oh, yeah, before we start,
are there any notes
from doctors, clergymen, or employers?
All right, front and center.
You've got a note, don't you, Ralph?
Yeah, you know, my dad's an optometrist.
This note says I'm legally blind.
He even wanted me to bring a dog.
All right, so your doctor thinks
you're too short to be in the Army, huh?
Corporal.
Take this man outside and put two inches on him.
I measure lumps.
Okay, anybody else with a note?
Uh, Ralph has one.
Red has a note.
(mumbling)
Yeah good.
No more notes.
Good fake, Ralph.
What fake?
All right, when I call your name, I want you to answer up.
Weber. Up!
All right, wise guy, give me five push-ups.
But you said answer "up." Make it ten.
Cunningham.
Here.
Dockerelli.
Here.
Fonzarelli Fonzarelli.
You're a little late, aren't you, "Funichelli"?
I'm really sorry.
It was my fault, Sergeant, uh, "Belcher."
(laughter)
That's Sergeant Betchler.
Whatever.
You see, I should have known better
than to, to date the Aloha Pussycats on a weeknight.
(laughter)
All right, knock it off.
Fall in.
Yeah, listen, we got to hurry this up.
I got to be out of here by noon.
Oh, is that so?
Yeah, yeah, I got a date.
Oh, a date. Isn't that nice?
Let me tell you something.
Your dates might be nice.
I got a date with the Hooper triplets.
(indistinct chatter)
All right, knock it off.
Sit over there, lover boy.
I can't wait till we cut your hair.
ALL: Oh
All right, we're going to fill out some forms now.
Last name first and your first name last,
middle initial.
Nobody writes until I tell them to write.
Fonz, what are you doing here?
I got a personal invitation from Uncle Sam.
Fonzie, why didn't you tell us about it?
Well, you know what happened
when they tried to induct Elvis into the Army.
Oh, yeah, a bunch of girls went crazy
and tore down the induction center.
Exactamundo.
Now, who told you to start writing?
I thought of it all on my own.
(laughter)
All right, knock it off.
You know, Fonzarelli,
I'd like to get you alone in a room for about five minutes.
Sarge, I didn't think you were that kind of guy.
All right, knock it off!
Knock it off!
You know, when you go to the
barber, I'm gonna go with you
to supervise the
(mimicking clippers)
Maybe when he's finished with my hair,
he'll do my nails.
RALPH: Good, Fonz.
Fonz, Fonz, you just better be careful,
'cause this guy is mean.
He just sent out a short kid to grow.
Okay, uh, Sergeant Betchler says,
write your names.
Good.
Okay, anybody here
have prior military experience?
(softly clears throat)
Sgt. Betchler
Hey, you said that nice.
Say it again.
Betchler.
You're gonna get your lunch back.
I had ROTC in high school.
Oh, you want to be an officer.
Yeah, I-I would.
Ah, good. You're
Well, you're in charge, Cunningham.
Very good.
Anybody steps out of line, I come to you.
Yes, sir.
No, no, don't call me "sir".
Only officers are called sir.
I'm a non-com.
I could have been a "sir".
Should have been a "sir".
Could have been a "sir".
Would have been a-a good "sir".
I'm better than all those guys.
And you're all gonna listen to me,
including you, Fonzarelli, because I don't like you.
You see all these hash marks?
I'm a 20-year man.
I been a man all my life.
(guys laugh)
You know I supervised Elvis's haircut,
and yours is gonna be shorter.
GUYS: Ooh!
Now, I guess you guys are smart enough
to have finished your names by now.
Uh, excuse me.
Was that the last name first or first name last?
Ten push-ups.
(laughs)
Ah, you want to giggle, huh?
Give me ten.
You know, you're a nice kid, Cunningham.
Say my name again.
Sergeant Belcher.
(guys cheer and laugh)
All right, give me ten!
(cheering)
All right, line up.
Hey, Corporal, get a load of this.
ROTC,
little duckies and a big ant.
These guys are here to entertain us.
Hey, uh, where's Fonzarelli?
Hey, Cunningham, is this any way to run an outfit?
Uh, Fonz, come on out, okay?
Are you afraid
somebody's gonna steal your little jacket?
No.
I was afraid maybe I'd get caught in a draft.
(guys laugh)
All right, knock it off.
You think that's funny? Yeah.
Hey, here's something that's funny.
All people wearing jackets
at the end of the line.
I said the end of the line.
This is the end of the line.
The front end.
All right.
Blood tests.
Everybody, line up.
Everybody has to give a blood sample.
Rich, no one told me
I was suppose to bring a blood sample.
Potsie, they're gonna take it out of your finger.
And it's gonna hurt real bad.
I can't stand pain. I'm leaving.
Hey, Ralph, I'm gonna help you.
Get up there. Thanks, Fonz.
You're gonna be just fine. Thanks.
All right.
Hey, guys, what do you know about that?
I didn't feel a thing.
(screaming)
Okay, he'll be fine.
Hey, Fonz, you missed the blood test.
GUYS: Ooh!
Can I do him?
Okay, Weber,
maybe next time you won't try to fill up all the bottles.
All right, talking about bottles,
I'm gonna leave you for a few minutes.
Now, when I'm gone,
I know some of you guys are gonna miss me.
(overlapping chatter)
When I'm gone, Lt. Quinlan's gonna be in charge
of the next phase.
While I'm away,
ROTC will take over.
Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it.
(door opens)
POTSIE: All right.
Good morning, men.
Hey, it's a Lieutenant woman.
ALL: Good morning, Lieutenant.
I'm Richard Cunningham, ROTC.
I-I'm kind of in charge here.
I'm sorry that I'm in my underwear.
Well, don't worry.
Uh, like they say in the Medical Corps,
if I see anything I haven't seen before,
I'll shoot it.
All right,
now each of you is gonna run up
and down these stairs briskly.
Like this.
Then you'll be checked for pulse and heartbeat.
Uh Fonzarelli.
Yo.
Go over these steps
and I want you to touch each step.
Cute, Fonzarelli.
It's, uh,
hard to do this through leather.
I'll take it off for you.
Now hear this, now hear this.
All nurses fall out for night maneuvers.
Turn around. Yeah.
Could you move that up a little bit?
A little over to the left.
Aaayyh!
Ahhhh.
You're one of the healthiest men I've ever met.
"You ain't whistli" Dixie, Jack.
Listen, you and me together, soon,
and that is an order.
I've been trained to follow orders.
Next.
Uh uh, Malph.
Atten-hut!
What do you think this is?
Get that ant in gear
and move it over the hill!
Move it!
Everything works for him.
Move it! Hut-two.
You'll be notified
as to your proper
classification
When?
Uh, no-no interruptions.
Now I gotta do the whole thing over again.
You'll be notified
as to your proper classification
resulting from today's physical.
I look forward
to seeing all you guys again real soon.
I hope not too soon.
You want to eat some more paper, Red?
I'm full.
Good.
All right, everybody from ROTC down,
dismissed.
All right, move, move, move!
Oh, uh, Khaki Drawers,
here's your lunch.
Hey, wait a minute.
My Twinkies are missing.
Spoils of war.
Okay.
He took my Twinkies! Hey, hey.
MP! Come on over here! Hey, hey, hey!
He took my Twinkies! All right, all right.
Look, here's a quarter.
Buy yourself some new Twinkies.
All right, Rich! All right!
(guys cheering and applauding)
All right, the back row.
Out. Fast. Make it fast. On the double.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa.
You probably noticed
that you're the only one still here.
Well, I ain't surprised.
I had an inkling I was your favorite.
Looks like you missed a pretty good date,
huh, Fonzarelli?
Oh, hey, don't worry about it, non-com,
the army always comes first.
Ah, that's good to hear
because it's gonna take about an hour or two
to fill out these forms again.
You see, I couldn't read it.
Maybe-maybe this time you should print.
Must I?
Yeah.
The last one that didn't fill out the forms
is scrubbing camels in the Sahara.
Well, listen, I hate to disappoint you, Sarge,
but I gotta be some place else.
Okay, wise guy,
give me ten push-ups.
Seven.
Hey, I never thought you'd get here!
Sorry I'm late. At ease.
What's going on here?
Just a little discipline, sir.
Uh, Fonzarelli, uh, did the forms wrong,
and he has to fill 'em out again.
That won't do.
I need this man to help me
with some research.
He'll be in my charge.
You know, Louie, uh, don't you think
he's a little out of shape here?
You're right.
Give me ten.
I coulda been an officer.
I shoulda been an officer.
All right, fellas, what a day for football.
All right. All right.
Hut! Hey.
POTSIE: Let's go outside.
We're gonna play some touch football. Come on.
C'mon, Joanie. Oh!
As long as you don't play "dump the center".
Come on, Fonzie, play quarterback.
All right.
All right, I'll play quarterback
for both teams.
Aaayyh!
Marion, are you crying?
Oh, Howard,
I just hate to see them grow up.
What if the Army takes them?
They're all one-A.
Well, then they'll all apply
for their college deferments.
What if there's a war? What if
Oh, now come on, Marion,
I mean the whole world practically has the bomb.
There are not gonna be any more wars.
The UN will see to that.
I think the world has learned their lesson.
We'll never have to send our boys to fight again.
Oh, I hope so, Howard.
FONZIE: All right, hey Pots, go long.
Go long! Okay.
RICHIE: I'll hit the quarterback!
RALPH: I'll cover him. I'll cover him.
RICHIE: I'll hit the quarterback!
FONZIE: Oh, yeah?
RICHIE: Oh, oh, kidding, Fonz!
POTSIE: I got it! I got it! I got it!
FONZIE: Wait a minute, it's going over his head.
RALPH: Uh-oh.
You kids!
What is the matter with you!
How many times have I told you
not to play so close to the house! FONZIE: Hey
BOYS: Joanie did it!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
.
MARION: Richard, I wanted you to get up early this morning
so that I could get all your dirty clothes.
Well, it's not that late, Mom. How did you sleep so late?
I want to get all this work over oh!
Look, I know there's a mess.
I'm sorry, I j I just got in a little late last night.
I noticed.
Did you "find your thrill on Blueberry Hill"?
Bill, bill, Occupant, bill.
It seems like all I do is pick up after you.
Well, I'm picking, Mom, I'm picking.
I mean, he's not a baby anymore.
He's going to be going to college.
He's a man. Now he is.
What do you mean?
You've been drafted.
I've been drafted?
He's been drafted?
He can't go.
Dad, will you open that?
He's just a boy.
He's too young to go in the Army.
Oh, Marion, look,
this is just a notice to report for a physical examination.
Now, that doesn't mean he's drafted.
Yeah, but I-I didn't plan this.
I mean, who would plan this?
Oh, Richard, let me take those things.
Oh, you'll be going away soon.
Marion, will you take it easy?
We knew this day was going to come sooner or later.
Now, look, we're not at war.
He'll probably go in as an officer.
You are planning to continue ROTC in college, aren't you?
Yeah, I've already taken it for two years in high school,
but hey, I'm going to find Potsie and Ralph
and see if they got their notices, too.
What's going on?
Oh, Richard just got his draft notice.
Great.
You'll get to see the world
Rome and Paris.
Maybe you'll even get to see Bob Hope.
Bob Hope can sit on it.
I'll be all right.
Don't worry about it.
Be careful, dear.
Hey, hey, guys, I've been looking all over for you.
I just got my notice here
to take my physical for the draft.
The line forms to the right.
Oh, good, I'm glad I'm not alone.
Oh, I mean, I'm sorry that they got you guys,
but it's just that I didn't want to
I'm just going to get in line here.
(chuckles)
My dad doesn't want me to go.
He says war is bad for my sense of humor.
My dad's trying to rent my room.
I don't want to go to Guadalcanal.
Ralph, they're not going to send you to Guadalcanal.
We won that battle.
Oh, yeah.
I'll go there.
I like occupied islands.
They play volleyball.
They meet you at the beach and they dive for coins.
Who just slammed that door?
Who just slammed that door in my ears?
No, Fonzie, strong wind today.
Really, it was just the wind.
Yeah, right, just the wind.
Now, listen up, all right?
Kim Butkus is coming, coming by to pick up her car.
I haven't finished it yet.
So will you please take your soap opera somewhere else?
Wait a minute, this is not a soap opera.
This is life.
Your life is a soap opera.
Listen, the Army's going to be good for you.
Make men out of you most of you.
Hey, Fonz, why didn't they call on you?
Are you kidding, Pots?
The Fonz is our secret weapon.
Heyyy.
Richard, eat your pancakes.
Your eggs and bacon will be ready in a minute.
It's hard to eat at 5:30 in the morning.
It's still dark outside.
Well, I want you to have a big breakfast
because you'll need energy for your physical.
It doesn't take that much energy
to walk around in your underwear.
Bye, everybody, I'm off to work.
(birds chirping)
Marion, look at this.
Get the camera quick.
We got a total eclipse.
Oh, no, Howard,
it's 5:30 in the morning, dear.
I set your alarm clock ahead
so that you could get up and say good-bye to Richard.
I'm sorry.
Have a nice physical, Richard.
That wasn't an eclipse?
No.
You'll wake me when we have one?
Yes.
Dad, Dad, w-why don't you at least eat some pancakes
with me while you're up?
Well, okay, if there's plenty
of maple syrup.
MARION: Plenty, dear.
Doesn't anybody sleep around this place?
We're all up to see Richard off.
I made his favorite breakfast.
(chuckling): C rations?
Boy, I tell you, I remember in the Army
when I had to get up at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh, Howard, please.
War stories are always so gruesome.
What's gruesome about K.P.?
Well, I'm gonna have to get going now.
I'll see you later. Oh, Richard.
Is it time already?
Well, I'm going back to bed.
This looks like it's going to be real tearjerker.
Bye, Rich.
Don't forget my kimono.
Have a nice life.
(knocking)
Oh, they've come for you.
I could hide him in the attic.
It's all right, Mom, it's fine.
Greetings. Yeah, hi, guys. Rich, Mr. C.
Hi.
Well, thanks for the breakfast.
We got to get going now. Well, wait, now,
Ralph and Potsie might like some breakfast.
Yeah, yeah. Good idea, okay.
Mom, we don't have time for this.
We'll take it along with us.
Come on. Right, Pots. Hi, Howie.
Richard.
Here's your lunch for the physical.
Now, did you put on your clean underwear?
(both laughing)
Well, did you, Rich?
Yeah, I put on my ROTC underwear.
Come on, we got to be there at 0700.
I'll return the maple syrup.
Well, we're off to the Army.
Don't worry, Mr. C.
I'll take good care of him for you.
(groans)
Okay, everybody, group "B" in here.
Move it, move it, move it, move it,
move it, move it, move it, move it,
move it.
Wait a second, I said group "B".
That says "C."
What are you, some kind of college graduate or something?
Out, out!
I hate college graduates.
All right, men.
My name is Sergeant Betchler.
Hmm?
And that's the way I like it pronounced
Betchler.
All right, before we start anything, what is that smell?
Well, uh, that-that's my lunch.
My mother made it for me.
I-It's a sardine sandwich.
It's my favorite kind.
Oh, it's your favorite, huh?
I-I-I'll find some place to put it.
Yeah, I hope you do.
Oh.
Ah, not under Ike.
Oh.
Eh
Oh, yeah, no, no, not under the flag.
That's right, let me help you, let me help you.
Oh, good, you found a place for it.
I think it's a real, a real nice place, too, I
Sit down. Right.
All right, where was I?
Oh, yeah, before we start,
are there any notes
from doctors, clergymen, or employers?
All right, front and center.
You've got a note, don't you, Ralph?
Yeah, you know, my dad's an optometrist.
This note says I'm legally blind.
He even wanted me to bring a dog.
All right, so your doctor thinks
you're too short to be in the Army, huh?
Corporal.
Take this man outside and put two inches on him.
I measure lumps.
Okay, anybody else with a note?
Uh, Ralph has one.
Red has a note.
(mumbling)
Yeah good.
No more notes.
Good fake, Ralph.
What fake?
All right, when I call your name, I want you to answer up.
Weber. Up!
All right, wise guy, give me five push-ups.
But you said answer "up." Make it ten.
Cunningham.
Here.
Dockerelli.
Here.
Fonzarelli Fonzarelli.
You're a little late, aren't you, "Funichelli"?
I'm really sorry.
It was my fault, Sergeant, uh, "Belcher."
(laughter)
That's Sergeant Betchler.
Whatever.
You see, I should have known better
than to, to date the Aloha Pussycats on a weeknight.
(laughter)
All right, knock it off.
Fall in.
Yeah, listen, we got to hurry this up.
I got to be out of here by noon.
Oh, is that so?
Yeah, yeah, I got a date.
Oh, a date. Isn't that nice?
Let me tell you something.
Your dates might be nice.
I got a date with the Hooper triplets.
(indistinct chatter)
All right, knock it off.
Sit over there, lover boy.
I can't wait till we cut your hair.
ALL: Oh
All right, we're going to fill out some forms now.
Last name first and your first name last,
middle initial.
Nobody writes until I tell them to write.
Fonz, what are you doing here?
I got a personal invitation from Uncle Sam.
Fonzie, why didn't you tell us about it?
Well, you know what happened
when they tried to induct Elvis into the Army.
Oh, yeah, a bunch of girls went crazy
and tore down the induction center.
Exactamundo.
Now, who told you to start writing?
I thought of it all on my own.
(laughter)
All right, knock it off.
You know, Fonzarelli,
I'd like to get you alone in a room for about five minutes.
Sarge, I didn't think you were that kind of guy.
All right, knock it off!
Knock it off!
You know, when you go to the
barber, I'm gonna go with you
to supervise the
(mimicking clippers)
Maybe when he's finished with my hair,
he'll do my nails.
RALPH: Good, Fonz.
Fonz, Fonz, you just better be careful,
'cause this guy is mean.
He just sent out a short kid to grow.
Okay, uh, Sergeant Betchler says,
write your names.
Good.
Okay, anybody here
have prior military experience?
(softly clears throat)
Sgt. Betchler
Hey, you said that nice.
Say it again.
Betchler.
You're gonna get your lunch back.
I had ROTC in high school.
Oh, you want to be an officer.
Yeah, I-I would.
Ah, good. You're
Well, you're in charge, Cunningham.
Very good.
Anybody steps out of line, I come to you.
Yes, sir.
No, no, don't call me "sir".
Only officers are called sir.
I'm a non-com.
I could have been a "sir".
Should have been a "sir".
Could have been a "sir".
Would have been a-a good "sir".
I'm better than all those guys.
And you're all gonna listen to me,
including you, Fonzarelli, because I don't like you.
You see all these hash marks?
I'm a 20-year man.
I been a man all my life.
(guys laugh)
You know I supervised Elvis's haircut,
and yours is gonna be shorter.
GUYS: Ooh!
Now, I guess you guys are smart enough
to have finished your names by now.
Uh, excuse me.
Was that the last name first or first name last?
Ten push-ups.
(laughs)
Ah, you want to giggle, huh?
Give me ten.
You know, you're a nice kid, Cunningham.
Say my name again.
Sergeant Belcher.
(guys cheer and laugh)
All right, give me ten!
(cheering)
All right, line up.
Hey, Corporal, get a load of this.
ROTC,
little duckies and a big ant.
These guys are here to entertain us.
Hey, uh, where's Fonzarelli?
Hey, Cunningham, is this any way to run an outfit?
Uh, Fonz, come on out, okay?
Are you afraid
somebody's gonna steal your little jacket?
No.
I was afraid maybe I'd get caught in a draft.
(guys laugh)
All right, knock it off.
You think that's funny? Yeah.
Hey, here's something that's funny.
All people wearing jackets
at the end of the line.
I said the end of the line.
This is the end of the line.
The front end.
All right.
Blood tests.
Everybody, line up.
Everybody has to give a blood sample.
Rich, no one told me
I was suppose to bring a blood sample.
Potsie, they're gonna take it out of your finger.
And it's gonna hurt real bad.
I can't stand pain. I'm leaving.
Hey, Ralph, I'm gonna help you.
Get up there. Thanks, Fonz.
You're gonna be just fine. Thanks.
All right.
Hey, guys, what do you know about that?
I didn't feel a thing.
(screaming)
Okay, he'll be fine.
Hey, Fonz, you missed the blood test.
GUYS: Ooh!
Can I do him?
Okay, Weber,
maybe next time you won't try to fill up all the bottles.
All right, talking about bottles,
I'm gonna leave you for a few minutes.
Now, when I'm gone,
I know some of you guys are gonna miss me.
(overlapping chatter)
When I'm gone, Lt. Quinlan's gonna be in charge
of the next phase.
While I'm away,
ROTC will take over.
Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it.
(door opens)
POTSIE: All right.
Good morning, men.
Hey, it's a Lieutenant woman.
ALL: Good morning, Lieutenant.
I'm Richard Cunningham, ROTC.
I-I'm kind of in charge here.
I'm sorry that I'm in my underwear.
Well, don't worry.
Uh, like they say in the Medical Corps,
if I see anything I haven't seen before,
I'll shoot it.
All right,
now each of you is gonna run up
and down these stairs briskly.
Like this.
Then you'll be checked for pulse and heartbeat.
Uh Fonzarelli.
Yo.
Go over these steps
and I want you to touch each step.
Cute, Fonzarelli.
It's, uh,
hard to do this through leather.
I'll take it off for you.
Now hear this, now hear this.
All nurses fall out for night maneuvers.
Turn around. Yeah.
Could you move that up a little bit?
A little over to the left.
Aaayyh!
Ahhhh.
You're one of the healthiest men I've ever met.
"You ain't whistli" Dixie, Jack.
Listen, you and me together, soon,
and that is an order.
I've been trained to follow orders.
Next.
Uh uh, Malph.
Atten-hut!
What do you think this is?
Get that ant in gear
and move it over the hill!
Move it!
Everything works for him.
Move it! Hut-two.
You'll be notified
as to your proper
classification
When?
Uh, no-no interruptions.
Now I gotta do the whole thing over again.
You'll be notified
as to your proper classification
resulting from today's physical.
I look forward
to seeing all you guys again real soon.
I hope not too soon.
You want to eat some more paper, Red?
I'm full.
Good.
All right, everybody from ROTC down,
dismissed.
All right, move, move, move!
Oh, uh, Khaki Drawers,
here's your lunch.
Hey, wait a minute.
My Twinkies are missing.
Spoils of war.
Okay.
He took my Twinkies! Hey, hey.
MP! Come on over here! Hey, hey, hey!
He took my Twinkies! All right, all right.
Look, here's a quarter.
Buy yourself some new Twinkies.
All right, Rich! All right!
(guys cheering and applauding)
All right, the back row.
Out. Fast. Make it fast. On the double.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa.
You probably noticed
that you're the only one still here.
Well, I ain't surprised.
I had an inkling I was your favorite.
Looks like you missed a pretty good date,
huh, Fonzarelli?
Oh, hey, don't worry about it, non-com,
the army always comes first.
Ah, that's good to hear
because it's gonna take about an hour or two
to fill out these forms again.
You see, I couldn't read it.
Maybe-maybe this time you should print.
Must I?
Yeah.
The last one that didn't fill out the forms
is scrubbing camels in the Sahara.
Well, listen, I hate to disappoint you, Sarge,
but I gotta be some place else.
Okay, wise guy,
give me ten push-ups.
Seven.
Hey, I never thought you'd get here!
Sorry I'm late. At ease.
What's going on here?
Just a little discipline, sir.
Uh, Fonzarelli, uh, did the forms wrong,
and he has to fill 'em out again.
That won't do.
I need this man to help me
with some research.
He'll be in my charge.
You know, Louie, uh, don't you think
he's a little out of shape here?
You're right.
Give me ten.
I coulda been an officer.
I shoulda been an officer.
All right, fellas, what a day for football.
All right. All right.
Hut! Hey.
POTSIE: Let's go outside.
We're gonna play some touch football. Come on.
C'mon, Joanie. Oh!
As long as you don't play "dump the center".
Come on, Fonzie, play quarterback.
All right.
All right, I'll play quarterback
for both teams.
Aaayyh!
Marion, are you crying?
Oh, Howard,
I just hate to see them grow up.
What if the Army takes them?
They're all one-A.
Well, then they'll all apply
for their college deferments.
What if there's a war? What if
Oh, now come on, Marion,
I mean the whole world practically has the bomb.
There are not gonna be any more wars.
The UN will see to that.
I think the world has learned their lesson.
We'll never have to send our boys to fight again.
Oh, I hope so, Howard.
FONZIE: All right, hey Pots, go long.
Go long! Okay.
RICHIE: I'll hit the quarterback!
RALPH: I'll cover him. I'll cover him.
RICHIE: I'll hit the quarterback!
FONZIE: Oh, yeah?
RICHIE: Oh, oh, kidding, Fonz!
POTSIE: I got it! I got it! I got it!
FONZIE: Wait a minute, it's going over his head.
RALPH: Uh-oh.
You kids!
What is the matter with you!
How many times have I told you
not to play so close to the house! FONZIE: Hey
BOYS: Joanie did it!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪