Ghosts (2021) s04e20 Episode Script

1
JAY: Babe, I just got a
really interesting phone call.
The mayor wants to
host a fundraising event
at Mahesh to kick off
his reelection campaign.
I thought the restaurant was closed
because of the stripper that
crashed through the roof.
He has a name, Trevor.
It's Chris, the hot
dinosaur-loving stripper.
And he is lost to the winds.
Well, the roof repairs
are actually finished.
But, Jay, I thought there was
some holdup with the inspections.
There is, but private events are okay.
And once the mayor loves us
for hosting his fundraiser,
he can pull some strings
with the inspections.
We scratch his back, he scratches ours.
I thought the mayor was a dog.
No, that's the next town over.
Bet he love getting back scratched.
So, if this event goes well,
we could reopen the restaurant?
That's what I'm saying, babe.
I thought I saw Chris
on the horizon last week,
but it was just a paper bag.
But someday. Until then
I'll keep looking up.
Didn't he like Nigel and
find you kind of creepy?
[QUIETLY]: Someday.
♪
Listen, Gabe, tonight is a hugely
important night for the restaurant.
So I'm gonna need the whole
team operating at full capacity.
Hey, man, have you seen my spatula?
You're holding it.
Whoa! [LAUGHS]
What's going on here?
Jay's having a much-needed conversation
with Gabe about curbing his drug usage.
Look, I'm aware that today is
a very special day for
the stoner community.
I'm speaking, of course, of
it being April 20th, aka 420.
The most holy day on
the pothead calendar.
Damn, it's April already?
- I got to cancel Peacock.
- JAY: Look, Gabe,
I'm a cool guy.
I've been known to knock
around a hacky sack.
I own a poncho. And I dabble
in the Devil's lettuce.
Marijuana. If it's so great,
how come they never put it in a cola?
But there's a time and a place,
and I need you laser-focused right now.
So what I'm saying is,
please don't do any drugs.
At least not tonight.
You got it, boss.
And let me know if you see that spatula.
I feel like I just saw it.
I'm not convinced the message
really got through to young Gabriel.
Maybe I keep tabs on Gabe today,
make sure he's walking
the straight and narrow.
Oh, come on, Jay's being
totally unreasonable.
420 is Gabe's Christmas.
You don't ask someone to
not do drugs on Christmas.
[SCOFFS]
Welcome to Woodstone, Mr. Mayor.
It's an honor to have you here.
Please, call me Tad.
And thank you both for all you're
doing for the local economy.
Your hotel, your restaurant
All the business you've
sent to the local mortuary.
[LAUGHING] It has been a lot of deaths.
I've actually been here.
Years ago.
Someone very special to
me lost their life here.
Maybe narrow it down for us, pal?
Oh, we're so sorry to hear that.
It was prom night, 1987.
Tad?
[SAW BUZZING]
[SCREAMS]
Oh, he's talking about Stephanie.
My date and I were attacked
by a lunatic escapee
from the insane asylum.
The one that's a Starbucks now?
That I'm totally not afraid of?
I tried to fend off the killer,
but was knocked unconscious.
My girlfriend Stephanie
didn't make it.
Oh, my God, that's awful.
To think [SIGHS]
she didn't live to
see the beautiful mall
going up on I-87, thanks
to my administration.
Even while recounting a tragic tale,
he must debase himself for votes.
The system still works.
You know, I actually had
a pretty traumatic prom night myself.
You see, I thought I was pen pals
with this French exchange student
His prom date was hacked
to death in front of him.
And we don't have to get
into that whole thing.
Let's just see the restaurant.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
[SIGHS]
I can't believe that's
Stephanie's prom date.
We got to wake her up.
She's gonna want to see him.
But she's so mean and scary.
And yet, this could be our
chance to get on her good side.
I want her to like me, I don't know why.
I know, me too. I'm desperate for it.
["CHINA CAT SUNFLOWER"
BY GRATEFUL DEAD PLAYING]
I am so baked.
And so busted.
Look for a while ♪
Woof, this stuff reeks.
My mouth is dry.
In the midnight sun ♪
This music is amazing.
A silver kimono ♪
Do you remember bugles?
Oh, that's right, you can't hear me.
Do you remember bugles?
"Tad doesn't run from problems."
Oh, I see, so this is sort
of, like, your campaign theme.
I may not have ultimately
fended off Stephanie's attacker,
but I gave it my best effort.
That's what I promise I'll do
for the people of this town.
- Yes! [CHUCKLES]
- [GRUNTS]
Would follow him into battle.
Yeah, I bet that dog in Kingston
never gave a speech like that.
Anyway, that's why I wanted to launch
my reelection campaign
here at Woodstone.
This means a lot to me.
[HUFFS] Sam, tell this douche
nozzle to hit the bricks!
- Look who's awake, guys.
- TAD: Excuse me.
I need to take this. Craig, talk to me.
Ugh, you're so old now. You
look like a math teacher!
Sam, tell him that!
I'm sorry, what is going on?
We thought she'd be happy
to learn of her prom date's presence,
but it was a [CLEARS THROAT]
gross miscalculation.
Hi, Trevor.
You're looking good.
Stephanie, you're 17.
You're too young for me.
Technically, I'm 55 now.
Then you're too old for me.
Stephanie, what's your issue with Tad?
My issue is that I hate him.
"Tad doesn't run from problems"?
What the hell does that mean?
SAMANTHA: It refers to how he stood up
to the chain saw killer
to try to save you.
[SCOFFS]
Is centerpiece of
Tad's mayoral campaign.
[CHUCKLING]: Oh, that's interesting.
'Cause it's a total lie.
Stephanie, what do you mean
Tad's story was all a lie?
He didn't try to save me.
The only person he cared
about saving was himself.
In fact, as the killer
was bearing down on us,
Tad shoved me to the side and ran off.
[ALL GASP]
That is so sad.
Do you want to comfort me?
Just stop.
Sam, you got to expose
this jerk. Take him down!
Look, it's obviously
a terrible story, but
we're really trying
to get those permits.
STEPHANIE: [GASPS] Sam?
He left me to die!
And not even the worst
part of the story,
but the corsage he got me
is, like, super ugly. [SCOFFS]
[INHALES]
Hey, Pete.
Oh! Hey, Flower.
Flower. Whoa. Flour.
[CHUCKLES] That's what
bread's made out of.
Okay
That's actually a
pretty cool observation.
What have you been up to today?
Uh, let's see, I was, um
I was with Gabe in his car.
I caught him smoking weed.
- [GASPS]
- And then I had the strangest desire
to smell bread for a second.
And that was, like, an hour ago.
Whoa, Pete.
Hmm?
I think you're high.
What? Ghosts can't get high.
I didn't think so, either,
but it actually makes a lot of sense.
We can smell things, and you were
in an enclosed space
with smoke, and now,
you're just like that bread:
totally baked.
No, no, no. But, but Pete
Martino does not do drugs.
- Relax, man, it's groovy.
- It's not groovy!
I'm not the kind of
guy who smokes grass,
I'm the kind of guy who cuts grass.
In my wife's gardening hat,
while drinking a lemonade.
Oh, I could really go
for a lemonade right now,
- my mouth is so dry.
- Chill out, Pete.
There's nothing wrong with
a little wacky tobacky.
Especially now that you're a ghost.
Nobody's gonna arrest you.
You're not gonna lose your job.
I guess that's true.
You're not gonna jump
into a tank at SeaWorld
because you think the
dolphins invited you to live
in their underwater kingdom.
I was not worried about that.
The point is, it's 420, and you're dead.
Live a little.
So Tad is a liar and a coward,
and the creepy attic ghost
wants us to expose him?
Yes, and she's in the room.
Stephanie! Hey, girl!
Sam, you don't want to
upset a powerful figure.
Yes, mayor can cause many problems.
[CHUCKLING] I was
talking about Stephanie.
The way she can locate
a hidden insecurity,
it's like Ben Franklin's
ability to sniff out a pastry.
God have mercy on his belt.
I just think we need to
do what's right here, Jay.
It's not that simple, babe.
Yes, Tad did a terrible thing.
But us calling him out
and sabotaging our own restaurant
is not gonna change the past.
Yes, the only way to change
past is to go to Midgard Gate
and tickle belly of fire serpent.
Sure.
We are constantly doing
things for the ghosts.
It's okay to choose ourselves for once.
I mean, she's not even
one of the main ghosts.
You. Did. Not.
I'm sorry, guys, this is not on Sam.
It's on me. I'm putting my foot down.
We're gonna give the mayor a great time.
And then, we're gonna get our permits.
- [EXASPERATED SIGH]
- Okay, Sam?
Okay.
Seriously? Oh!
This is worse than when
that freak Sandra K. beat
my high score in Dig Dug.
Ugh! [GROANS]
What is Dig Dug?
Jay, Thor's asking what Dig Dug is.
Well, it all started in 1982.
I just want to leave the room first.
Fair enough. What do you do when
you're confronted with lizards,
but all you have is a bicycle pump?
[GROANS] Boring.
It's not just lizards or fygars,
as they're called in the
game it's also pookas.
Now, what's a pooka? I'm glad you asked.
What are you talking about?
Flower said Peter got high
while attempting to narc on Gabriel.
Pete? Getting high? [CHUCKLES]
That doesn't seem like
something he would do.
It's true.
Peter doesn't seem the type to engage
in that kind of behavior,
but he's recently done a lot of things
that would have previously
- seemed out of character.
- What do you mean?
He punched Thor in the face.
Discovered he was secretly in the mafia.
And he's out there
roaming, dating up a storm.
Our Peter is a changed man.
Huh, when you put it
like that [CHUCKLES]
it's almost like
Pete's a bit of a bad boy.
TAD: And in many ways,
the city's budget crisis is a
metaphorical chain saw killer,
from which I will not run!
I can't. I can't.
He ran away like a little bitch.
This feels bad, Jay.
I know, babe, but
just remember: permits.
Stephanie is someone's daughter, Sam.
And her feelings matter.
[QUIETLY]: Girl dad. I get it now.
I may not have been
able to save Stephanie,
but I will save commuters
over 15 minutes round trip to Albany
when we add that car
pool lane to Route 80.
So he shaved 15 minutes
off a fortnight's journey.
Who cares?
What are you gonna do about the wolves?
Saw a bunch of cars pull up to the barn.
I thought that dump was still closed.
Sam and Jay are hosting a
fundraiser for the mayor,
who, it turns out, was
Stephanie's prom date.
We woke Stephanie up,
thinking she'd be happy to see him,
but apparently she hates him
because of his pathetic
actions that fateful night.
He run away like coward,
leaving Stephanie to die.
Unlike Thor, who famously
protect Alberta's
backside from ricochet.
Wait, that's not what happened
with Stephanie and her prom date.
What? What are you talking about?
I was there that night.
Just minding my own business,
watching two teens make out,
when this psycho chain saw
guy came out of the forest.
He was heading straight for Stephanie,
but her boyfriend was having none of it.
So Tad didn't push Stephanie
in front of the murderer?
No. He rushed right
at the killer, but then
the killer clocked him with the butt
of the chain saw, knocking him out.
If anything, that kid was a hero.
So Stephanie made the whole story up?
But why would she do that?
I don't know. What am I, a phrenologist?
Teens are nuts.
'Cause I don't run away from problems.
Let's fix those potholes.
STEPHANIE: I can't believe you, Sam.
You're letting him exploit
my death like this? [SCOFFS]
I think we have to say something.
TAD: Who's with me?
Yes!
You're right, this guy sucks.
You know what? Permits be damned.
Let's take him down.
Oh, my God. You guys rock!
I'm sorry, I have a question.
It's not really a Q and A.
How do you sleep at night?
- Yes.
- Tell him, Sam.
This guy's entire story
about Stephanie is a lie!
What's going on?
Sam and Jay are calling out the mayor.
He didn't try to save Stephanie.
He ran away! Like a punk!
Oh, this is unfortunate.
I'm sorry, I-I have no idea
what these two are talking about.
We're talking about you running away
and leaving your prom date to die.
That is 100% false.
- And another thing
- Uh, difficult timing, but Stephanie lied.
Babe? Another thing? You were saying?
Tad didn't run away.
In fact, his entire story is true
and Nancy witnessed it.
And another thing is,
you passed the test!
What?
You did not run away from
this false accusation.
And that is the kind of leadership
that this town needs. Who's with me?
[SIGHS]
- You lied?
- Why would you do that?
You've made fools out
of Samantha and Jay.
Okay, fine, he didn't run away,
but he's still a douche nozzle.
- What did he do?
- I don't want to talk about it.
Anyway, uh, you were saying
something about potholes.
And wolves, don't let him
off the hook about the wolves.
They dragged away far
too many of our butlers.
["MY FUNNY VALENTINE"
BY MILES DAVIS PLAYING]
Hey, Pete.
Bertie.
I had no idea you were a jazz fan.
Since my oboe days.
Sure, I'll throw on some REO Speedwagon
if I want to bang out 50
reps on the ThighMaster,
but when it's time to
chill, I'm a jazz man.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] I had no idea.
What do you like about it?
No rules.
Controlled chaos.
Or maybe I'm just
attracted to the danger.
Maybe I am, too.
Stephanie, what the hell?
You made us look like idiots.
Can't believe you lied to us.
I mean, dishonesty is basically
her defining characteristic.
Hmm.
Which I like about you.
SAMANTHA: If it's true that
Tad defended you that night,
why do you have a grudge against him?
Okay, fine, he didn't
run away or whatever.
But Tad did something even worse.
See, the week after I was
killed, there was a vigil.
And everyone was there
'cause I was, like,
really, really popular.
The sportos. The motorheads.
The dweebies no
offense, Sam. Anyways
I'd been dead, like, five days,
and there was Tad, standing hand in hand
with my lab partner/best
friend Melanie Del Vecchio.
This is so senseless.
Stephanie was such a gentle soul.
You slut!
We're going to miss her so much.
I hope you drown in your parents'
waterbed, Tad, you dill weed.
- [GASPS]
- PETE: Just to reintroduce myself,
um, I'm Pete.
Happy to give you that
new ghost orientation
whenever you get a second.
Ew, I hate your knees.
That's probably the grief talking.
No, they gross.
SAMANTHA: So, you tried
to get us to destroy
his career because
he hurt your feelings?
He moved on right away.
He was the love of my life.
And apparently, I meant nothing to him.
What's a lab partner?
You okay, Pete?
I'm not gonna lie, Thor.
Alberta and I just had a moment.
Go on.
And then there was a moment.
We were just looking
into each other's eyes,
and suddenly I started to lean in.
- You leaned?
- I leaned!
- She lean?
- She leaned.
- And then?
- Well, I'm not one for lurid details,
but her lips they puckered.
You minx!
Oh, and that's when you kissed?
Not exactly.
Pete, please tell me that's
not your palm on my face.
I am so sorry. I think what happened
Your palm is still on my face.
- Yeah, so
- I'll see you later, Pete.
PETE: I've had a crush
on Alberta for so long.
But I'm exclusive with
Donna. I can't be a cheater.
Oh, face-palmed by Pete.
That's a tough pill to swallow.
That's coming from someone
who swallowed a lot of pills.
This is a disaster.
Now it's gonna take months before we get
the permits to reopen the restaurant.
In your guys' defense,
you did a great thing,
pulling that hero move for Stephanie.
Yes, how were you to know she was lying,
when all you've had to draw from was
every single other experience
you've had with her?
TAD: Uh
I'm just here to pick
up my campaign buttons.
Oh, it's no problem.
We're happy to leave 'em out for guests.
Why? So you can change "Tad" to "Bad"?
Ugh, why did I just
give you that suggestion?
I'm such an ideas guy.
Look, Tad [CHUCKLES] uh, Mr. Mayor,
we are really sorry.
And the truth is
I'm excited for this explanation.
we were very high because it's 420.
You are? I love that, Sam.
I thought this jerkwad left.
W-we're just hoping that
that doesn't interfere
with you helping us
out with those permits.
Oh, I'm not helping
you out with anything.
ISAAC: Yeah, that seemed obvious.
But you got to love Jay for trying.
Are we ready, Tad?
Wait, is that ?
- This is Melanie.
- STEPHANIE: It is.
[SCOFFS] Old Melanie.
Ugh, she looks like her mom.
Who was actually really cool.
She let me drink at her house.
Hi, I'm Tad's wife.
They got married?
You got married?
I mean, you're married?
I mean, how long have you been married?
Just to give you some
context, they're high.
You are, Sam? I love that.
It'll be 30 years this
June. We met in high school.
Oh, so you knew Stephanie, too?
MELANIE: Yeah.
She was my best friend.
Stephanie was sort of the
thing that brought us together.
She was so special to both of us.
After the incident,
we were both so grief-stricken
And we found solace in each other.
STEPHANIE: Huh.
I mean, I guess that's kind of nice.
We actually named our
daughter Stephanie.
Seriously?
That is so sweet.
SAMANTHA: It's good that something nice
came out of this terrible tragedy.
And again, we're so sorry about before.
[SIGHS]
You know what? This has
been a strange evening,
but you guys seem like decent people.
I'll give the permit office a call
and see what I can do.
Really? Thank you.
But please, in the future,
you can split the gummies in half.
Oh.
- What are gummies?
- It's like edible pot.
Whoa. The munchies are the drugs?
I died too soon, man.
Roll away the dew ♪
["FRANKLIN'S TOWER" BY
GRATEFUL DEAD PLAYING]
Roll away ♪
The dew ♪
It's just, like, messed-up.
I mean, we're dead, but
everyone just keeps living.
Whoa. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Like, what even is that?
Guys, I don't feel anything.
I don't think it's working.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
We are floating on a rock right now,
hurtling through space. [CHUCKLING]
I planted that tree, and now it's huge.
Think about that.
Wait, does everybody in
this car hate me? Be honest.
You know who's random? Jenkins.
Yeah, he is random.
You guys are lightweights.
[LAUGHS]
Roll away ♪
The dew ♪
Roll away the dew. ♪