Happy Days (1974) s04e20 Episode Script
Joanie's Weird Boyfriend
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
POTSIE: Oh me name is McNamara ♪
I'm the leader of the band ♪
Although we're few in numbers ♪
We're the finest in the land ♪
We play at wakes and weddings ♪
And at every fancy ball ♪
And when we play at funerals ♪
We play the marching song, oh ♪
The drums go bang the cymbals clang ♪
The horns they blaze away ♪
McCarthy plays the big bassoon ♪
And I pipe to play ♪
And Hennessy Kennessy tootled the flute ♪
And the music we play is grand ♪
A credit to dear old Ireland ♪
Is McNamara's Band. ♪
(applause) All right!
Hey, Joanie, that was really keen.
Oh, Roger, stop saying "keen" all the time.
Come on, let's order a soda.
A soda? Hey, keen.
Hey, uh, this booth is taken.
Yeah, right. By me.
BOYS: Ooh
Hey, I like this chick.
How about taking a little twirl
with Herbie the Turk?
Why don't you go take your hair out and get the oil changed?
Ooh
Hey, that's okay.
This is a feisty chick.
You'd fit in real good with the, uh, Red Devils.
Excuse me, Red Devils.
Come on, Roger.
(Joanie clears throat)
Your jackets are keen.
Let's have some music.
All right. (Clears throat)
When Irish eyes are smiling ♪
Hey, you! Teeth!
You call me?
Play something snappy.
Uh, we can't.
This is an earlier request, by Fonzie.
(shillelagh clatters)
Herbie wants snappy.
(singing faster): When Irish eyes are smiling ♪
It's like the morning spring ♪
And the lilt of Irish laughter ♪
You can hear the angels sing ♪
(snaps fingers)
(slower): When Irish hearts are happy ♪
(faster): All the world is bright and gay ♪
But when Irish eyes are smiling ♪
(snaps fingers)
(slower): You can steal ♪
Your heart away ♪
When Irish ♪
(faster): Eyes are happy ♪
And the world is bright and gay ♪
(slower): But when Irish eyes are smiling ♪
(faster): You can steal your heart away. ♪
All right, all right that's it! That's it!
We can't play the song this way.
Now you two are going to have to work this out.
Look, I said fast.
You don't mess with Herbie the Turk.
You know, you're absolutely right.
I never mess with turkeys.
Hey, you looking for a fight?
I'll tell you something, I'd love to fight you,
but there is a law in Milwaukee that says,
"No cruelty to animals."
Boys, boys, please wait.
Boys, please.
Come on, no fighting.
This is Saint Patrick's Day.
Parades, gaiety, smiling faces
with all the teeth showing.
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
A free hamburger to whoever doesn't fight.
Hey, what are we fighting about?
You heard the man.
Free grub.
(Red Devils clamoring)
Thanks, Herbie.
I thought there were just two of you.
Al, be very grateful you got rid of them.
They were green.
I put food dye in them for Saint Patrick's Day.
Slow.
Right, Fonz. Right, Fonz.
Guys?
When Irish eyes are smiling ♪
You want to know what's keen?
Those Red Devils are keen.
heart away. ♪
.
It makes me cry every time.
Who cares, Marion?
You know what's on right now?
Carmen Basilio is fighting Gene Fulmer for the title.
Hi, Mom, Dad, we're home.
Oh, hi, Joanie.
Hi, uh, uh
Roger.
Oh, Roger.
I never could remember his name.
Well, I'll say good night now.
MARION: Good night.
Thanks very much, Joanie.
It was really Don't, don't say it.
Good night, Roger.
Dull, dull, dull.
You're telling me? I wanted to watch the fight,
but your mother kicks up such a fuss.
Grown men in their shorts hitting one another.
I'm not talking about television.
I am talking about life.
A boring life.
Boring crowd, boring dates.
How would you like to spend an evening with Mr. Keen?
Oh, come on. How about it, Marion?
Just a couple of rounds. No, no, Howard.
Oh, look at that lovely dress she's wearing.
Oh, that's it. That does it.
I'm going up to my room and jump out the window!
All right, Howard, you can watch the fight
while the commercial is on.
See, nobody ever listens to me.
Oh, Joanie, I don't know why you worry
about your little life.
Well now, where'd she go?
How should I know?
Ever since she started dating,
she doesn't talk to us anymore.
You know, Howard,
we should have two TV sets.
Are you kidding, Marion?
Now why would a family want two TV sets?
?
.
(thuds)
Now do you see why I need the bowling bag?
See you later.
Howard! Hold it!
HOWARD: Hold it!
Come over here.
What is this?
?
Why, Howard, that's our darling daughter.
Did you buy her these clothes?
No. I'm sure they belong to Jenny Picalow.
Well? Do you dig it?
(laughs)
No, but I might bury it.
Now, you get upstairs
and change back into our daughter.
But I want to go down to Arnold's.
You're not going anywhere looking like Rita Gruber.
Who's Rita Gruber?
That's before your time, Marion.
Well, can't we talk about it, Dad?
We'll talk about it when I get back from bowling.
But it'll be, it'll be too late then.
Joanie, please.
Would you go upstairs?
Mind your father.
What has got into her?
Who's Rita Gruber?
Come on, let's go, Marion.
I'll talk to her when we get back.
I don't want to keep the Hendersons waiting.
Oh, hi, Richie. How was the game? Hi.
Oh, we won. Mm-hmm.
Well, you don't sound very happy.
Well, Potsie was pitching, see.
And he beaned the first six batters,
and the other team had to forfeit.
Well, the important thing is that you won.
Good-bye.
Dad, will you explain why
Be patient with her, Richie.
She doesn't know too much about baseball.
She still thinks Babe Ruth was named after a candy bar.
Candy bar
Ahem.
(laughs)
(laughs harder)
Oh, boy
(continues laughing)
That's cute.
I'm going to Arnold's. See you later, Rich.
No, no wait, Joanie, Joanie.
No, it's funny enough without you pretending
to go out dressed like that.
I don't think it's funny.
I happen to think it's cool.
Well, do Mom and Dad know
that you're going out like that? Well, sure.
They were talking about it just before you came in.
And they liked it?
They were stunned.
Well, look, before you go out, uh
I think you'd better sit down here,
and we'd better try and have
a brother and sister talk.
I'll be the brother
and you try and be the sister.
I've got to change this dirty uniform.
I'll be back in just a minute, okay?
Yeah.
(cackling)
What a nerd.
I'll give him ha-ha-ha.
(Fats Domino's "I'm Walkin'" begins)
I'm walkin' ♪
Yes, indeed I'm talkin' ♪
Come on, Herbie. Come on, Herbie.
Hey. (All cheering)
(wolf whistles)
Hey, good-lookin'.
Don't you recognize me?
Hey, Herbie,
it's that, uh, girl that wouldn't dance with you.
Good eyes, Leroy.
I didn't recognize her all dressed up nice like that.
Say, uh (clears throat)
Maybe you'd like to come to our.
Red Devil party tonight, huh?
Sure, I'll go.
I live for parties.
Ooh
Hey, fellas.
Hot Stuff here wants to come to a party tonight.
Yeah! Yeah.
Hey, well, look, uh, first, uh,
I think we'd better get the rest of the boys
and stop by the tattoo parlor.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Here's a nickel. Get yourself some dinner.
Come on, guys.
Hey, Joanie, wait.
Isn't it a little early for Halloween?
Sit on it, Malph.
(Red Devils cheering)
Boy, has she changed.
Yeah, I think she did something to her hair.
Hey, Rich, it's about time.
Oh, great. Let's go to the movies.
No, no, I've got no time for movies.
Have you seen Joanie around here?
Oh, yeah, Rich, I couldn't believe it.
She was leaving with the Red Devils
when we came in.
She went with Herbie to their party.
Ah, I never should have laughed at her.
Oh, forget that. You'd just better find out
where the party is. Yeah.
They always have their parties
at Roadhouse Number Four.
Way to go, Rich. Yeah. Thanks.
But you won't find her there.
No? Not yet, anyway.
In order for a girl to go to one of their parties,
she has to be initiated into the Red Devils.
"Initiated"?
Oh. Oh, what do they do?
They blindfold her and feed her spaghetti,
and pretend that it's worms or something, right?
Yeah, that's fun. I like that. Yeah.
That's for kids.
Well, what? What do they do?
I can't tell, it's a secret.
But I loved it.
Tell me, what is it? What do they do?
You have to neck with every member of the gang.
Oh, yeah?
Well, we have a little gang of our own right here.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Not now, Ralph.
All right, now, where is this, uh, initiation?
I can't tell, I'm sworn to secrecy.
Don't give me
This is my sister.
We're talking about my sister, don't you understand that?
The last one that squealed on Herbie
is now called Baldy,
and I, Becky Bronski, like my hair.
Sorry, pal.
Sorry.
(giggles)
She she tweaked my tummy.
Let me tell you something, I'm
gonna go find those Red Devils,
and when I do, they're gonna be really sorry.
No, you are, Rich remember, there's eight of them.
I don't care about that; I'm gonna find my sister.
Just relax, kid, I'm telling you,
we got the okay to use the school.
Well, then, why did we come through the window?
Are you sure there's a party here?
Well, we got a special surprise for you.
You're gonna be initiated into the Red Devils.
RED DEVILS: Yeah.
You get to be in the gang after you
neck with each and every Red Devil.
(Red Devils smacking lips)
(sighs)
You see, we do everything together.
RED DEVILS: That's right.
No, I don't think so.
I mean, it's nothing personal,
but I don't even kiss on the first date.
Thanks, but, uh, I don't think I want
to be a Red Devil after all,
so I'll just be going.
Uh, listen, I have a lot of homework and
HERBIE: The girl has a sense of humor.
Get away from my sister!
Oh, Richie, am I glad to see you.
How did you ever find me?
I saw their motorcycles out front.
Get lost.
I'm going to.
And I'm taking my sister with me.
Yeah.
You have to get through my boys first.
RED DEVILS: That's right.
Oh.
Well, uh, you guys do what you have to do, but, uh,
I just want you to know that you're dealing with
Iron Dukes Cunningham!
JOANIE: Yeah.
You just never know I can't make any guarantees
but one of these iron fists
just might land on one of your mouths.
Ah, throw him in a locker.
Right.
Well, if it ain't the turkey and his feathers.
Take it easy, take it easy.
There's eight of us.
Get over here get over here, Shortcake.
You went pretty heavy on the icing there, huh?
Iron Dukes, I think you did an incredible job here.
I just thought maybe you
might need some extra help, you know?
Oh, well, uh, I can always use an extra hand.
You're gonna need a lot of extra hands.
You're a little outnumbered.
RED DEVILS: That's right.
(laughing)
(Ralph yelping)
Hi, guys.
The door was stuck.
The door was really stuck, Fonz.
How did you guys know where I was?
Well, Becky told me where you were.
Yeah, I guess you had to beat it out of her.
I guess I had to kiss it out of her.
All right, Fonz.
Well, this is your gang?
FONZIE: That's right.
Three high school punks?
What are they gonna do, throw chalk at us?
(Red Devils laughing)
Not exactly see, they're here to carry you out.
See, an old friend happened to come and visit me.
(snaps fingers)
You know I'd go from rags to riches. ♪
I'll tell you something.
I love your feet, you know that?
FONZIE: All right, ladies and gentlemen,
I want you to meet Carmine Ragusa.
Of the Marjorie Ward Dance School.
What's he gonna do, tango us to death?
(Red Devils laughing)
Carmine Ragusa
is also Golden Gloves champion of Milwaukee.
Oh, that Carmine Ragusa.
That's right.
CARMINE: Excuse me while I warm up for a second here.
Yeah.
(takes deep breath)
You ready now? Yeah, I think I'm warmed up here.
How about you, huh?
Aren't you gonna warm up? Yeah.
I'm warm.
Let's go. Wait, wait, stop it!
Joanie, you get over there by the stands.
No, no, this whole thing is my fault,
and I don't want everybody hurt
just because I did a dumb thing.
She's making sense. Yeah.
All right if you want to be stupid, then fight.
I'm going home, but on the way,
I'm stopping at Jenny Piccalo's and give her a punch.
Get out of my way.
All right, now, just before we start,
Richie, Potsie, Ralph, retire yourself.
Right, Fonz.
Anything you say, Fonz.
Hey, wait a minute, Potsie, Ralph, come here.
Don't you see what's happening here?
We're almost 18 years old,
and Fonzie still fights all our battles for us.
Fonz? Yeah?
Do you realize I've only had two fights in my life?
One of them was with a department store sales lady.
This is one fight that we're gonna
handle ourselves, right, guys?
Uh, yeah, right. Okay, I guess.
All right, all right now, you,
you just pick out three of your toughest guys.
Oh, come on, I'll pick out three of my weakest.
Better.
Okay, Red, listen, if you want
to fight this battle on your own, you go right ahead.
That's cool as a moose, you understand?
We'll sit this one out.
That goes for you, Herbie,
and little Leroy over there, you sit down.
Uh, what?
Are you expecting me just to sit around?
?
(nasally): Oh, well, I'll just sit back over here.
Sit down!
(murmuring)
Fight at will.
We're all scared, Ralph.
Just just do your best.
Hi-yah! Let's go!
Hey, Richie, you're doing great.
Go get 'em, tiger.
Watch out behind you.
I'll bet you two dollars on the bag. Yeah.
Just a minute! Hold this!
Hey, you, buddy!
(yells) Help!
Didn't we see this in a Three Stooges movie?
(shouting)
(groaning)
RALPH: Potsie, the rope!
Get him with the rope!
Come on! (Yelling)
You missed him, Pots.
Go get him, Tarzan.
(groans)
(yelling)
Duck, Rich!
(groaning)
RALPH: Dirty fighting!
All right, say uncle, say uncle!
Say it!
(pained): Uncle!
Well, now, that hurt, Fonz.
Did you have enough?
All right, hold it!
I got to tell you something, Iron Dukes.
You were superbamundo, you understand?
That goes for you, too.
Thanks, Fonz.
Now, I think these guys proved
that, uh, they're pretty strong here.
Let's just pick up our wounded and go home.
I'll tell you when to go home, Arthur.
Don't ever call me Arthur.
(falsetto): And I'll move when I want to.
Hey, Carmine, you all warmed up?
They'll never go from rags to riches. ♪
Whoa!
(groaning)
Ha! Ha!
(Red Devils screaming)
La la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la la la ♪
FONZIE: I am very proud of you boys.
Here, Potsie.
Now, dear, try this steak.
Oh, oh, thanks, Mrs. C., but I'm not hungry.
No, Potsie, this is for your eye, dear.
Oh.
Well, thanks for fixing us up, Mrs. C.,
but I think we'd better get on home.
Get on home?
Are you guys crazy?
You know how girls love guys with cuts and contusions.
They like them scuffed up, huh?
Are you kidding me?
You remember Marlon Brando at the end
?
Yeah.
?
Right. Yeah.
You guys in the gymnasium?
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, come on, Kirk, let's go to Arnold's.
RALPH: You're on, Marlon.
Hey, I'd better get some more bandages.
I still look too good.
Thanks again. Thanks a lot.
RALPH: Let's go down to Arnold's!
I only got one thing to say to you, Shortcake.
You put out an advertisement,
someone is going to answer that ad.
HOWARD: Thank you, Fonz.
MARION: Thank you, Arthur.
la la ♪
La la la la ♪
Well good night.
Just a minute, young lady.
We haven't finished our talk yet.
Now, it's true that you did try
and stop the fight.
Women spend their entire life trying
to stop men from breaking each other's noses.
Marion.
Yes, however, Joanie, dear, you did disobey us.
Well, I know I should have listened,
but I was so tired of being treated like a kid.
Nobody ever explains anything to me.
They just send me to my room.
Joanie
I know, go to my room.
No.
Stay here.
Come here.
Look, I-I-I guess we were wrong
treating you like a baby.
You're not a kid anymore.
You're you're a young lady.
And the next time we tell you something to do,
we'll we'll try
and take the time to tell you why.
Thanks, Dad.
Okay.
HOWARD: Now you can go to your room.
Good night.
Oh, you got lipstick Oh, you've got lipstick
all over your face, Marion. All aw.
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
! ♪
(rhythmic hand claps)
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right ♪
It can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
POTSIE: Oh me name is McNamara ♪
I'm the leader of the band ♪
Although we're few in numbers ♪
We're the finest in the land ♪
We play at wakes and weddings ♪
And at every fancy ball ♪
And when we play at funerals ♪
We play the marching song, oh ♪
The drums go bang the cymbals clang ♪
The horns they blaze away ♪
McCarthy plays the big bassoon ♪
And I pipe to play ♪
And Hennessy Kennessy tootled the flute ♪
And the music we play is grand ♪
A credit to dear old Ireland ♪
Is McNamara's Band. ♪
(applause) All right!
Hey, Joanie, that was really keen.
Oh, Roger, stop saying "keen" all the time.
Come on, let's order a soda.
A soda? Hey, keen.
Hey, uh, this booth is taken.
Yeah, right. By me.
BOYS: Ooh
Hey, I like this chick.
How about taking a little twirl
with Herbie the Turk?
Why don't you go take your hair out and get the oil changed?
Ooh
Hey, that's okay.
This is a feisty chick.
You'd fit in real good with the, uh, Red Devils.
Excuse me, Red Devils.
Come on, Roger.
(Joanie clears throat)
Your jackets are keen.
Let's have some music.
All right. (Clears throat)
When Irish eyes are smiling ♪
Hey, you! Teeth!
You call me?
Play something snappy.
Uh, we can't.
This is an earlier request, by Fonzie.
(shillelagh clatters)
Herbie wants snappy.
(singing faster): When Irish eyes are smiling ♪
It's like the morning spring ♪
And the lilt of Irish laughter ♪
You can hear the angels sing ♪
(snaps fingers)
(slower): When Irish hearts are happy ♪
(faster): All the world is bright and gay ♪
But when Irish eyes are smiling ♪
(snaps fingers)
(slower): You can steal ♪
Your heart away ♪
When Irish ♪
(faster): Eyes are happy ♪
And the world is bright and gay ♪
(slower): But when Irish eyes are smiling ♪
(faster): You can steal your heart away. ♪
All right, all right that's it! That's it!
We can't play the song this way.
Now you two are going to have to work this out.
Look, I said fast.
You don't mess with Herbie the Turk.
You know, you're absolutely right.
I never mess with turkeys.
Hey, you looking for a fight?
I'll tell you something, I'd love to fight you,
but there is a law in Milwaukee that says,
"No cruelty to animals."
Boys, boys, please wait.
Boys, please.
Come on, no fighting.
This is Saint Patrick's Day.
Parades, gaiety, smiling faces
with all the teeth showing.
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
A free hamburger to whoever doesn't fight.
Hey, what are we fighting about?
You heard the man.
Free grub.
(Red Devils clamoring)
Thanks, Herbie.
I thought there were just two of you.
Al, be very grateful you got rid of them.
They were green.
I put food dye in them for Saint Patrick's Day.
Slow.
Right, Fonz. Right, Fonz.
Guys?
When Irish eyes are smiling ♪
You want to know what's keen?
Those Red Devils are keen.
heart away. ♪
.
It makes me cry every time.
Who cares, Marion?
You know what's on right now?
Carmen Basilio is fighting Gene Fulmer for the title.
Hi, Mom, Dad, we're home.
Oh, hi, Joanie.
Hi, uh, uh
Roger.
Oh, Roger.
I never could remember his name.
Well, I'll say good night now.
MARION: Good night.
Thanks very much, Joanie.
It was really Don't, don't say it.
Good night, Roger.
Dull, dull, dull.
You're telling me? I wanted to watch the fight,
but your mother kicks up such a fuss.
Grown men in their shorts hitting one another.
I'm not talking about television.
I am talking about life.
A boring life.
Boring crowd, boring dates.
How would you like to spend an evening with Mr. Keen?
Oh, come on. How about it, Marion?
Just a couple of rounds. No, no, Howard.
Oh, look at that lovely dress she's wearing.
Oh, that's it. That does it.
I'm going up to my room and jump out the window!
All right, Howard, you can watch the fight
while the commercial is on.
See, nobody ever listens to me.
Oh, Joanie, I don't know why you worry
about your little life.
Well now, where'd she go?
How should I know?
Ever since she started dating,
she doesn't talk to us anymore.
You know, Howard,
we should have two TV sets.
Are you kidding, Marion?
Now why would a family want two TV sets?
?
.
(thuds)
Now do you see why I need the bowling bag?
See you later.
Howard! Hold it!
HOWARD: Hold it!
Come over here.
What is this?
?
Why, Howard, that's our darling daughter.
Did you buy her these clothes?
No. I'm sure they belong to Jenny Picalow.
Well? Do you dig it?
(laughs)
No, but I might bury it.
Now, you get upstairs
and change back into our daughter.
But I want to go down to Arnold's.
You're not going anywhere looking like Rita Gruber.
Who's Rita Gruber?
That's before your time, Marion.
Well, can't we talk about it, Dad?
We'll talk about it when I get back from bowling.
But it'll be, it'll be too late then.
Joanie, please.
Would you go upstairs?
Mind your father.
What has got into her?
Who's Rita Gruber?
Come on, let's go, Marion.
I'll talk to her when we get back.
I don't want to keep the Hendersons waiting.
Oh, hi, Richie. How was the game? Hi.
Oh, we won. Mm-hmm.
Well, you don't sound very happy.
Well, Potsie was pitching, see.
And he beaned the first six batters,
and the other team had to forfeit.
Well, the important thing is that you won.
Good-bye.
Dad, will you explain why
Be patient with her, Richie.
She doesn't know too much about baseball.
She still thinks Babe Ruth was named after a candy bar.
Candy bar
Ahem.
(laughs)
(laughs harder)
Oh, boy
(continues laughing)
That's cute.
I'm going to Arnold's. See you later, Rich.
No, no wait, Joanie, Joanie.
No, it's funny enough without you pretending
to go out dressed like that.
I don't think it's funny.
I happen to think it's cool.
Well, do Mom and Dad know
that you're going out like that? Well, sure.
They were talking about it just before you came in.
And they liked it?
They were stunned.
Well, look, before you go out, uh
I think you'd better sit down here,
and we'd better try and have
a brother and sister talk.
I'll be the brother
and you try and be the sister.
I've got to change this dirty uniform.
I'll be back in just a minute, okay?
Yeah.
(cackling)
What a nerd.
I'll give him ha-ha-ha.
(Fats Domino's "I'm Walkin'" begins)
I'm walkin' ♪
Yes, indeed I'm talkin' ♪
Come on, Herbie. Come on, Herbie.
Hey. (All cheering)
(wolf whistles)
Hey, good-lookin'.
Don't you recognize me?
Hey, Herbie,
it's that, uh, girl that wouldn't dance with you.
Good eyes, Leroy.
I didn't recognize her all dressed up nice like that.
Say, uh (clears throat)
Maybe you'd like to come to our.
Red Devil party tonight, huh?
Sure, I'll go.
I live for parties.
Ooh
Hey, fellas.
Hot Stuff here wants to come to a party tonight.
Yeah! Yeah.
Hey, well, look, uh, first, uh,
I think we'd better get the rest of the boys
and stop by the tattoo parlor.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Here's a nickel. Get yourself some dinner.
Come on, guys.
Hey, Joanie, wait.
Isn't it a little early for Halloween?
Sit on it, Malph.
(Red Devils cheering)
Boy, has she changed.
Yeah, I think she did something to her hair.
Hey, Rich, it's about time.
Oh, great. Let's go to the movies.
No, no, I've got no time for movies.
Have you seen Joanie around here?
Oh, yeah, Rich, I couldn't believe it.
She was leaving with the Red Devils
when we came in.
She went with Herbie to their party.
Ah, I never should have laughed at her.
Oh, forget that. You'd just better find out
where the party is. Yeah.
They always have their parties
at Roadhouse Number Four.
Way to go, Rich. Yeah. Thanks.
But you won't find her there.
No? Not yet, anyway.
In order for a girl to go to one of their parties,
she has to be initiated into the Red Devils.
"Initiated"?
Oh. Oh, what do they do?
They blindfold her and feed her spaghetti,
and pretend that it's worms or something, right?
Yeah, that's fun. I like that. Yeah.
That's for kids.
Well, what? What do they do?
I can't tell, it's a secret.
But I loved it.
Tell me, what is it? What do they do?
You have to neck with every member of the gang.
Oh, yeah?
Well, we have a little gang of our own right here.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Not now, Ralph.
All right, now, where is this, uh, initiation?
I can't tell, I'm sworn to secrecy.
Don't give me
This is my sister.
We're talking about my sister, don't you understand that?
The last one that squealed on Herbie
is now called Baldy,
and I, Becky Bronski, like my hair.
Sorry, pal.
Sorry.
(giggles)
She she tweaked my tummy.
Let me tell you something, I'm
gonna go find those Red Devils,
and when I do, they're gonna be really sorry.
No, you are, Rich remember, there's eight of them.
I don't care about that; I'm gonna find my sister.
Just relax, kid, I'm telling you,
we got the okay to use the school.
Well, then, why did we come through the window?
Are you sure there's a party here?
Well, we got a special surprise for you.
You're gonna be initiated into the Red Devils.
RED DEVILS: Yeah.
You get to be in the gang after you
neck with each and every Red Devil.
(Red Devils smacking lips)
(sighs)
You see, we do everything together.
RED DEVILS: That's right.
No, I don't think so.
I mean, it's nothing personal,
but I don't even kiss on the first date.
Thanks, but, uh, I don't think I want
to be a Red Devil after all,
so I'll just be going.
Uh, listen, I have a lot of homework and
HERBIE: The girl has a sense of humor.
Get away from my sister!
Oh, Richie, am I glad to see you.
How did you ever find me?
I saw their motorcycles out front.
Get lost.
I'm going to.
And I'm taking my sister with me.
Yeah.
You have to get through my boys first.
RED DEVILS: That's right.
Oh.
Well, uh, you guys do what you have to do, but, uh,
I just want you to know that you're dealing with
Iron Dukes Cunningham!
JOANIE: Yeah.
You just never know I can't make any guarantees
but one of these iron fists
just might land on one of your mouths.
Ah, throw him in a locker.
Right.
Well, if it ain't the turkey and his feathers.
Take it easy, take it easy.
There's eight of us.
Get over here get over here, Shortcake.
You went pretty heavy on the icing there, huh?
Iron Dukes, I think you did an incredible job here.
I just thought maybe you
might need some extra help, you know?
Oh, well, uh, I can always use an extra hand.
You're gonna need a lot of extra hands.
You're a little outnumbered.
RED DEVILS: That's right.
(laughing)
(Ralph yelping)
Hi, guys.
The door was stuck.
The door was really stuck, Fonz.
How did you guys know where I was?
Well, Becky told me where you were.
Yeah, I guess you had to beat it out of her.
I guess I had to kiss it out of her.
All right, Fonz.
Well, this is your gang?
FONZIE: That's right.
Three high school punks?
What are they gonna do, throw chalk at us?
(Red Devils laughing)
Not exactly see, they're here to carry you out.
See, an old friend happened to come and visit me.
(snaps fingers)
You know I'd go from rags to riches. ♪
I'll tell you something.
I love your feet, you know that?
FONZIE: All right, ladies and gentlemen,
I want you to meet Carmine Ragusa.
Of the Marjorie Ward Dance School.
What's he gonna do, tango us to death?
(Red Devils laughing)
Carmine Ragusa
is also Golden Gloves champion of Milwaukee.
Oh, that Carmine Ragusa.
That's right.
CARMINE: Excuse me while I warm up for a second here.
Yeah.
(takes deep breath)
You ready now? Yeah, I think I'm warmed up here.
How about you, huh?
Aren't you gonna warm up? Yeah.
I'm warm.
Let's go. Wait, wait, stop it!
Joanie, you get over there by the stands.
No, no, this whole thing is my fault,
and I don't want everybody hurt
just because I did a dumb thing.
She's making sense. Yeah.
All right if you want to be stupid, then fight.
I'm going home, but on the way,
I'm stopping at Jenny Piccalo's and give her a punch.
Get out of my way.
All right, now, just before we start,
Richie, Potsie, Ralph, retire yourself.
Right, Fonz.
Anything you say, Fonz.
Hey, wait a minute, Potsie, Ralph, come here.
Don't you see what's happening here?
We're almost 18 years old,
and Fonzie still fights all our battles for us.
Fonz? Yeah?
Do you realize I've only had two fights in my life?
One of them was with a department store sales lady.
This is one fight that we're gonna
handle ourselves, right, guys?
Uh, yeah, right. Okay, I guess.
All right, all right now, you,
you just pick out three of your toughest guys.
Oh, come on, I'll pick out three of my weakest.
Better.
Okay, Red, listen, if you want
to fight this battle on your own, you go right ahead.
That's cool as a moose, you understand?
We'll sit this one out.
That goes for you, Herbie,
and little Leroy over there, you sit down.
Uh, what?
Are you expecting me just to sit around?
?
(nasally): Oh, well, I'll just sit back over here.
Sit down!
(murmuring)
Fight at will.
We're all scared, Ralph.
Just just do your best.
Hi-yah! Let's go!
Hey, Richie, you're doing great.
Go get 'em, tiger.
Watch out behind you.
I'll bet you two dollars on the bag. Yeah.
Just a minute! Hold this!
Hey, you, buddy!
(yells) Help!
Didn't we see this in a Three Stooges movie?
(shouting)
(groaning)
RALPH: Potsie, the rope!
Get him with the rope!
Come on! (Yelling)
You missed him, Pots.
Go get him, Tarzan.
(groans)
(yelling)
Duck, Rich!
(groaning)
RALPH: Dirty fighting!
All right, say uncle, say uncle!
Say it!
(pained): Uncle!
Well, now, that hurt, Fonz.
Did you have enough?
All right, hold it!
I got to tell you something, Iron Dukes.
You were superbamundo, you understand?
That goes for you, too.
Thanks, Fonz.
Now, I think these guys proved
that, uh, they're pretty strong here.
Let's just pick up our wounded and go home.
I'll tell you when to go home, Arthur.
Don't ever call me Arthur.
(falsetto): And I'll move when I want to.
Hey, Carmine, you all warmed up?
They'll never go from rags to riches. ♪
Whoa!
(groaning)
Ha! Ha!
(Red Devils screaming)
La la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la la la ♪
FONZIE: I am very proud of you boys.
Here, Potsie.
Now, dear, try this steak.
Oh, oh, thanks, Mrs. C., but I'm not hungry.
No, Potsie, this is for your eye, dear.
Oh.
Well, thanks for fixing us up, Mrs. C.,
but I think we'd better get on home.
Get on home?
Are you guys crazy?
You know how girls love guys with cuts and contusions.
They like them scuffed up, huh?
Are you kidding me?
You remember Marlon Brando at the end
?
Yeah.
?
Right. Yeah.
You guys in the gymnasium?
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, come on, Kirk, let's go to Arnold's.
RALPH: You're on, Marlon.
Hey, I'd better get some more bandages.
I still look too good.
Thanks again. Thanks a lot.
RALPH: Let's go down to Arnold's!
I only got one thing to say to you, Shortcake.
You put out an advertisement,
someone is going to answer that ad.
HOWARD: Thank you, Fonz.
MARION: Thank you, Arthur.
la la ♪
La la la la ♪
Well good night.
Just a minute, young lady.
We haven't finished our talk yet.
Now, it's true that you did try
and stop the fight.
Women spend their entire life trying
to stop men from breaking each other's noses.
Marion.
Yes, however, Joanie, dear, you did disobey us.
Well, I know I should have listened,
but I was so tired of being treated like a kid.
Nobody ever explains anything to me.
They just send me to my room.
Joanie
I know, go to my room.
No.
Stay here.
Come here.
Look, I-I-I guess we were wrong
treating you like a baby.
You're not a kid anymore.
You're you're a young lady.
And the next time we tell you something to do,
we'll we'll try
and take the time to tell you why.
Thanks, Dad.
Okay.
HOWARD: Now you can go to your room.
Good night.
Oh, you got lipstick Oh, you've got lipstick
all over your face, Marion. All aw.
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
! ♪
(rhythmic hand claps)
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right ♪
It can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪