The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e20 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way
we became the Brady Bunch. ♪
Those sure are neat earrings, Marcia.
Thanks, darling.
Mother loaned them to me.
JAN: Marcia?
Marcia?
Coming, Jan.
What is it?
Phone for you.
A guy named Ted Edwards.
Thanks.
Marcia, can I try the earrings on?
No. They're Mom's,
and don't touch them.
Grandma gave them to her.
The guy sounded really cute.
What does he look like?
Tall, blond, handsome
nothing special.
Oh I'll bet.
( Knock at door )
CAROL: Cindy, are you in there?
I'm coming, Mom.
Honey, I got this on sale.
Let's see if it fits.
It fits fine, Mom.
They have them in red,
green and violet, too.
Which color would you like?
Any color is marvelous.
Boy, one day, you're going to make
some man awfully happy.
You're a woman who's easy to please.
See you later.
They're gone.
If you didn't know who I was,
who would think I am?
A candidate for a butterfly net.
Knock it off, will you? I'm trying to read.
( Scoffs )
You know something? You got big pores.
Will you quit bugging me
with that dumb detective kit?
( Clanking )
Now what are you doing?
Trying to guess your weight.
You can figure it out
with the sag in the mattress.
You got a sag in your brain.
Why don't you take your
detective kit and get lost?
It's no use.
I'm such a good detective I'd find myself.
( Peter laughing )
PETER: Ow!
( Knock on door )
Come in.
Peter, have you learned
how to use your detective kit yet?
Sure.
Good, maybe you can help me.
You want a detective?
Boy, my first case.
Step into my office, ma'am.
What's your name, ma'am?
You know my name.
Look, it's got to be official,
the way the book says.
What's your name, ma'am?
Cindy Brady.
Occupation?
School kid.
Okay, we need the facts,
so start from the beginning
and give me the facts just the facts.
Well, Mom lent Marcia some earrings
and I wasn't supposed
to touch them, but I did.
Now the earrings are gone.
Mom's earrings?
Boy, are you in trouble.
I know that, and I'm not even a detective.
Okay, we'll call this
"The Great Earring Caper."
Where were the earrings
last observed, ma'am?
On the bathroom sink.
I'll investigate at once.
Can I help?
Sure. You can be my assistant,
like Dr. Watson was to Sherlock Holmes.
Great.
Exactly where were they, ma'am?
I put them in this towel.
The towel, huh?
Simple deduction, ma'am.
I've solved the case.
You have?
The earrings obviously slipped out
from under the towel
and slid down the drain.
Boy, you sure are smart, Peter.
Thanks.
I'll just get Dad's tool kit
and open up the drainpipe.
What a detective.
Elementary, my dear Watson.
Elementary.
Mike? Mm-hmm?
I think I've got it.
Got what?
An idea for the costume party,
unless you've
decided on something that is.
No, no, anything you
decide is okay with me.
Okay, how about Romeo and Juliet?
Romeo and Juliet?
Oh, honey, can we be
a little more original?
Last year, there was a whole flock
of Romeo and Juliets.
Oh, well, then why don't you
pick some famous couple?
No, no, no. You pick it.
You're better at those things than I am.
Okay, how about
Napoleon and Josephine?
Napoleon
Honey, isn't that kind
of a little unoriginal, too?
Yeah, I guess it is.
Yeah.
How about Gertrude and Claude?
Gertrude and Claude?
What famous couple were they?
I don't know
but it certainly is original, don't you think?
Oh, look, we're making
a big deal out of this.
Now, you pick it,
and anything you decide on
is okay with me.
Sure, it is.
Well, how did he go
for Romeo and Juliet?
He didn't. He didn't.
Oh. Well, I got an idea, folks.
And it's particularly fitting for
you, Mr. Brady. Yeah? What's that?
George and Martha Washington.
I could be the father of my country.
With six kids
you got a good running start.
Peter, did you find Mom's earrings yet?
Not yet.
Cindy, you don't need a detective.
You need a plumber.
Well, please hurry.
I'm hurrying.
And get back to your lookout post.
Hi.
Hi.
Marcia, if you want to go
to the bathroom, you can't.
Jan's in there.
Who wants to go to the bathroom?
I just thought I'd let you know,
just in case.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey, I thought you were in the bathroom.
Well, how can I be in the bathroom?
I guess it must be Greg in the bathroom.
Bobby, if you want to go to the bathroom
you can't.
Greg's in there.
Well, who put you in charge
of the bathroom?
I just thought I'd let you know.
Greg's in there.
Greg's in where?
She said you were in the bathroom.
What are you talking about?
I thought it was you.
I'll try to find out
and let you know.
( Knock at door )
Who is it?
CINDY: It's me Watson.
Well?
They're not there.
Oh, no!
Now, don't panic.
This is when us detectives
have to use deduction.
Please deduct fast.
Okay, now they weren't in the sink
and they're not in the drainpipe,
so they must have been removed
chances are by human hands.
You follow me?
Yeah. Just hurry up, that's all.
Okay, every human hand
has fingerprints
and everybody in this house
has human hands.
What does that mean?
It means that no finger
is above suspicion.
What?
( Humming )
Believe me, Alice will
never know what we're after.
We'll get her fingerprints
off the mop handle.
Okay. Shh.
( Humming )
You know something, Alice?
You work too hard.
You should let us do some work.
You want to do some of my work?
Sure. Just relax.
Take it easy for a while.
You kids feel all right?
We'll go mop our bathroom.
Read a good book or something.
They want to help?
Hi, Dad.
Hi, kids.
Dad, we brought you a glass of milk.
You did?
Well, that's great.
I don't even remember asking
for a glass of milk.
This way you don't have to ask.
Well, that's very considerate of you.
Go ahead, drink it.
Well, I will when I get thirsty.
You'd better drink it right away
before all the vitamins in it wear out.
It's good for all your bones.
Oh. Well, in that case I, uh
better take your advice, huh?
Mm.
Refreshingly good, wasn't it?
MIKE: Yes, it certainly was.
My bones feel better already.
( Clears throat )
I hope the fingerprints
turn out okay, Sherlock.
Maybe we should have worn disguises.
( Kids exclaiming excitedly )
Good shot, good shot!
GREG: Uh uh-oh.
Hit it.
Got it.
Hey!
What are they doing?
GREG: Peter!
MARCIA: Cindy!
CINDY: We got everybody's fingerprints.
Right. And I just checked them
against the ones in the bathroom sink.
And what did you find out?
That everybody in the family
has been in this bathroom.
And we still don't know who took
the earrings out of here.
Don't worry.
A good detective always
has more than one plan.
If plan "A" doesn't work,
we go to plan "B."
What's plan "B"?
I don't know.
I'll look it up.
Alice, I'm going down
to the costume company.
I shouldn't be long.
Right, Mrs. Brady.
Alice, do you remember what I said?
About what?
About picking up after the kids.
They've got to learn to do it themselves.
Okay, I'll just leave it.
Well, good-bye.
I sure hope I can find
something interesting for our costumes.
Hey, Mrs. Brady. Yeah?
Would you consider Adam and Eve?
( Chuckling )
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
It's just a little something
to tide me over 'til dinner.
Mr. Brady, I thought
you were watching your waistline.
I am. And it's getting
easier to see all the time.
Mine, too everywhere I look.
CAROL: Mike!
Yeah?
Honey, could you give me a hand quick?
Sure. Hurry!
What have you got here? You'll see.
Oh, thank you!
Gosh, they're heavy.
Yeah, well, our costume
problems are over.
We're all set for the party.
What are we going as, ghosts?
Here, I'll show you. Take that off, okay?
Okay ah!
Antony and Cleopatra.
What's the matter, don't you like them?
Sure, but my skirt's
shorter than your skirt.
ALICE: Ooh! Wow!
Alice, what do you
think of our costumes?
Oh, those are great!
Yeah?
Guess who we're going as.
Sonny and Cher?
Those sure are fancy costumes.
Yeah, your father's got
the legs for them, too.
Tomorrow night, your mother and dad
are going to be Antony and Cleopatra.
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.
I'm going to do a real fancy makeup,
and I think I'll borrow
my friend Pauline's black wig
Oh, yeah!
Yeah. And I know just the earrings
the ones I loaned to Marcia.
MIKE: Yeah. Want
to try these things on?
CAROL: Oh, I'd love to.
The earrings.
Oh, no.
( Knock at door )
Peter, we've got to find
those earrings right away!
I know. I'm reading my manual
on how to solve cases.
But Mom wants to wear them
to that party tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night?!
I guess we better tell her they're lost.
No, we still have 24 hours,
and I'm learning a lot from this book.
Like what?
Like suspects.
The person who was nearest
to the scene of the crime
has the best chance of being guilty.
We've got to question everybody.
All right, but we've got to do it fast!
Don't panic.
A good detective never panics.
I'm not a good detective.
Hi.
Hi.
What are you doing?
I'm waxing my surfboard.
What were you doing
yesterday afternoon
right after school?
I was in my room.
That's right, and your room
is right next to the bathroom.
So?
So hand over the you-know-what.
What's the you-know-what?
If I told you you-know-what,
you'd know what.
Cindy, I'm busy.
I don't even know
what you're talking about.
Then I guess that makes you innocent.
( Clicking tongue )
Hi. How's it going?
How's what going?
Oh, nothing.
Where were you yesterday afternoon?
What do you mean, where was I?
I was at school, and I
came home, like any day.
What'd you do when you got home?
Why?
Just asking.
I gave Henrietta a special treat.
It was her birthday.
Birthday, huh?
Did you bring her a present?
Yeah.
Like jewelry?
What are you, some
kind of a ding-a-ling?
What would a hamster
be doing with jewelry?
I'm asking the questions around here.
What'd you bring her?
I brought her sunflower seeds.
And if you're jealous,
I'll bring you sunflower
seeds on your birthday.
Oh, you're too dumb to be guilty.
Hi.
Hi.
Where were you yesterday afternoon
right after school?
Well, I was here you saw me
when I called Marcia.
Why did you call her?
Because that boy phoned her
Ted Edwards.
Can you prove the phone rang?
Well, can you prove it didn't?
Nope.
Mom and Dad are getting dressed
now to go to the party.
I know. My first case, and I bombed out.
Some detective.
I couldn't find an elephant in a bathtub.
You tried.
I better tell Marcia.
Mom's going to be looking
for those earrings any minute.
Wait. There may be one last hope.
What?
Mom might forget about those earrings.
Honey, how are you coming?
Cleopatra's having a little trouble
zipping up the Nile.
Mm-hmm. Let me give
you a hand here, Cleo.
There.
Well?
( Whistles )
Boy, I'll ride on your barge anytime.
You look pretty wild yourself, Marc.
You know something? Alice was right
you do have great legs.
Yeah, I kinda do, don't I?
The knees are a little knobby.
Wait a second.
Hey, let's get Greg take a picture of us.
Never had a date with
the Queen of the Nile before.
Good.
Hey, wow!
You both look really great.
Thanks. Oh, honey, would you get
those earrings I loaned you?
I want to wear them tonight.
Sure, Mom. They'll look perfect
with your costume.
Cindy, are you okay?
Yeah but you're not.
You're in trouble.
Me, in trouble?
Why?
You told me not to touch
Mom's earrings, didn't you?
Yeah.
Well, I touched them.
What do you mean?
I not only touched them, I lost them.
You lost them?
Cindy, Mom wanted them!
Are you sure you lost them?
Positive. That's why you're in trouble.
What do you mean, I'm in trouble?
You're the one that lost them!
Yeah, but you're my older sister
and older sisters always
protect younger sisters.
That's your story.
Come on!
GREG: Okay, okay, hold it, hold it.
Ready?
Here we go.
And
( shutter clicks )
Did it go off?
Yeah, it sure did.
Hey, how about a romantic one?
Marc Antony and Cleopatra
hugging each other.
All right, but watch out for that sword.
I don't want to get grabbed and jabbed
at the same time.
Ready?
One
two that's great
three.
I hope you got his legs in.
Mom? Come on.
Cindy has something to tell you.
What is it, sweetheart?
Well
Marcia, did you find the earrings?
No.
What do you mean, no?
I loaned them to you.
Then I loaned them to me,
and they disappeared.
How could they disappear?
That's a good question.
I've been trying to crack this case
for some time now, and I'm baffled.
Oh, Cindy, those are
my favorite earrings,
and I wanted to wear them tonight.
I'm sorry. Now wait a minute.
Did you take them
outside the house, Cindy?
No, Dad, honest.
I only had them on for a minute.
They must be around here someplace.
Where'd you lose them?
Dad, are you taking over the case now?
If you don't mind.
Not at all, but I got to warn you:
Everybody's got an alibi
and there aren't any clues.
Thank you.
I'm sure they're just misplaced.
Let's see if we can't
reconstruct what happened.
Well, all I know is
I loaned the earrings to Marcia
and have not seen them since.
I put them in my dresser drawer,
and then went downstairs
to take a phone call.
That's when I loaned them to me.
I went into the bathroom
and tried them on,
but when Mom called me
I didn't want her to catch me
playing with her earrings
so I hid them under a towel on the sink.
I was going to put them
back in Marcia's drawer later.
Hey, wait a minute, I just remembered.
Do you know when
that must have been?
That must have been
when I went into the bathroom
from the hall.
I took the clothes out of the laundry bin.
Then I saw the towel on the counter
so I put it in the laundry bag.
Then I remembered
what Mrs. Brady said
about the kids cleaning up
after themselves,
and I put the towel back.
So if the earrings were under the towel,
they must have fallen
into the laundry bag.
That's where they must be.
Alice, where is that laundry bag now?
Well, I put it down for a second
in the hall to get something,
and when I came back, it was gone.
I know I took it from there.
What do you mean?
Well, I was starting to go downstairs,
and I saw the laundry bag in the hall.
I thought I'd help Alice out,
so I took the laundry bag downstairs
and left it in the service porch.
The earrings must be in the laundry bag
in the service porch.
No, Mike, that's when
I came into the picture.
When I went to the service porch
I saw that the laundry bag was pretty full.
I figured I'd give Alice a hand,
and I unloaded the laundry
into the washing machine.
Alice, has that load of
laundry been washed yet?
Mrs. Brady, that was yesterday
at least three or four loads ago.
Oh, no!
I never saw any earrings.
Then they still must be
in the washing machine.
GREG: Feel anything?
No, not wait a minute.
( Clattering ) I hear something.
Aha aha!
( All cheering )
Where's the other one?
Ah, there's
Well, what's left of the other one.
CAROL: Oh, no!
PETER: At least the mystery's solved.
MIKE: Well, you'll have
to go without them, honey.
Come on. We better get going.
Mom?
I'll promise I'll never take anything again
I'm not supposed to.
All right, Cindy,
but you and I are going to have
a long talk about this tomorrow.
Good night.
Good night, Peter.
Good night.
Well, that's the end of
the Great Earring Caper.
Peter, do you still
have all those disguises
in your detective kit?
Yeah, why?
Because tomorrow
I don't want Mom to know
which kid is me.
( Door opens )
Oh, hi, folks.
You have a good time?
Oh, it was wonderful, Alice!
Hey, did your costumes win a prize?
No. We came in third.
That isn't bad. Who won?
The Cunninghams.
You'll never guess
who they came dressed as.
Romeo and Juliet.
Nope. Guess again.
George and Martha Washington?
MIKE: Nope.
Okay, I give up.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson.
( All laughing )