Happy Days (1974) s04e22 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
.
Oh, Joanie, that's wonderful,
you just make that look so easy.
Yeah, well, here, Mom why don't you try it?
Oh, no, no, dear.
No, I don't want to. It's not for a mature woman.
Uh-huh. You don't want to, 'cause you can't.
Can so. Can not.
Can so. Can not.
Can so. Give me that.
All right, step back.
(laughing)
Okay, you're laughing 'cause you can't do it.
Can so. Can not.
Can so.
Look at this.
Your father leaves me alone for two days
and I become a little kid.
Well, start growing up fast.
I heard Dad pull up in the driveway.
I'm glad I talked Dad out of talking me into going to that.
Well what would you do at a porcelain convention?
I don't know.
But if I got tired, I'd always have
plenty of good places to sit down.
(dog barking)
Quick, get me my shotgun.
MARION: Why? What happened, dear?
There's a wolf in the garage!
That's no wolf, dear.
Were you there?
All I saw was a blur of fangs.
Dad, that's Fonzie's dog.
Yeah, she probably thought you were a prowler.
Yeah, he got the dog for protection.
Protection?
Protection from what?
Girls.
Let me ask you a question.
Who was the turkey that woke up my dog?
Hey, Mr. C., welcome home.
Well, at least someone acknowledges my arrival.
Well, it's hard to run up and hug a man
who comes in yelling "Wolf, wolf, wolf!"
Go get my suitcase.
Okay, Dad.
Do you think maybe I should get the shotgun,
just in case there's another wolf
out there? I'll give you wolves.
Welcome home, dear.
Hey, I want you to meet my new dog,
Spunky.
Look it
It's so cute. Wolf.
Well, she looked a lot bigger in the dark.
Most dogs don't like Howard.
That's not true, Marion.
Oh now, dear, come over here and sit down and relax.
Joanie, get your father some milk.
And some Oreo cookies.
Diet thins.
Hey, is this family not a pip?
Did I not tell you you're going to have a great time here?
You're a pip, too.
A grown man like you has to have
a dog for protection from girls?
Wait a minute, I don't think
you're getting the full picture here.
I'm sitting up in my apartment with, uh, Roberta Ricobini,
having a great time, if you get my drift.
Loud and clear.
Yeah, when all of a sudden,
Stacey Lubitsky comes knocking on my door,
yelling "Surprise! Surprise!"
I'll tell you, we were really surprised.
There we go, all right.
So that's when he decided to get the dog, dear.
Well, it is a cute little dog.
(barks, growls)
What did you do to her?
(whispering): Dogs don't like Howard.
Here's your milk, and delicious diet thins.
(growling)
Oreos coming up.
Listen, uh, Fonzie Yeah?
I'm sorry, but you can't keep the dog.
Oh, wait a minute, before you make your final decision
I just did.
Oh, let me tell you about her sad, sad life.
I mean, we met at the pound, didn't we?
That's where they keep the strays.
Yeah.
And then it was her last day,
and the guards were taking her down that long, last mile.
Aren't you being just a little over dramatic?
Oh, no, hey, tell that to Spunky here. (Whimpering)
You tell her that she's got to spend
the rest of her life on the street
with no place to go, no home.
Look at that face, Mr. C..
Come on, look at that face. Look at it.
Okay, that's enough, you can keep the dog.
(all talking)
I've always been a sucker for hairy faces.
That's not what you said about Aunt Bessie.
(hammering)
What is all that racket?
Don't tell me you put my bowling ball in the dryer again.
No, Howard.
The boys are building a fence
so that Spunky can have her own little yard.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, that's very nice.
That way she won't be able to attack you again.
She loves me, Marion.
She just thought I was a prowler, that's all.
Hey, Howie, we're almost finished.
You got any more wood?
You're using my wood?
Yeah.
Why are they using my wood, Marion?
Well, now I knew you wouldn't mind.
But I do mind.
I was saving that wood to make
a work bench for myself.
It's very expensive.
Yeah, Fonzie insisted on only the best.
Fonzie? The next thing you know,
he's going to want wall-to-wall carpeting.
Hey, you got some?
I'll give you some.
He's a little out of sorts.
See you, Howie.
Now, Howard, you, you didn't lose your wood.
It's still in the yard. Technically.
I hope there's some left over, sweetheart,
because I want to build you a beautiful chair,
so you can sit on it.
(whistles)
Spunky. Here Spunky, Spunky.
Is she here?
No.
Well, where could she be?
She's not outside.
Well, she's new in town.
Probably checking out the local fire hydrants.
Are you crazy?
Why? Richie always gets us soda.
I'm not talking sodas.
We just lost Fonzie's dog.
Is he going to hurt us?
Hurt us?
You want to know what he's going to do to our heads?
(bottle cap pops)
It's going to hurt.
You got it.
Hi, guys.
Oh Oh
It's only Rich.
Oh, you did a great job on the fence.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
You kind of messed up the counter, though. Sorry.
Hey, have you seen Spunky around?
She doesn't seem to be in the back yard there.
Uh, Ralph left the ga
You mean uh, you mean Spun Fonzie's dog, Spunky? Yeah.
I don't know, Rich, I guess, she's probably with Fonzie.
I mean, it's Fonzie's dog. She must be with Fonzie.
(screams)
Heyyy?
"Heyyy?"
Oh.
I know your yelp, Malph. What's wrong?
All right, Fonz, I'm just going to tell you right out.
I can't take it anymore.
Uh, I'm going to tell you the truth,
regardless of the consequences, okay?
Spit it out, Ralph.
Somebody stole your dog.
So I'm not Abe Lincoln.
Are you lonesome tonight? ♪
It's no good, Fonzie.
The FBI won't put out an all points bulletin on a dog.
Well, we've got to do something.
Well, take it easy, Fonz.
You don't understand.
This is a Fonzarelli dog.
When a Fonzarelli's in trouble, I do something.
Well, I'll keep trying.
All right, Spunky, we know you're out there.
Come out with your paws up!
All right, you're next.
Look at this picture very very carefully.
Tell me, have you ever seen this dog?
Well, let's see
No, not really.
Well, maybe I have seen her.
Well, no, I'm not too sure
Have you seen the dog or not?
Well, it's hard to tell with that particular picture.
Have you seen this dog?
Fonz, can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah?
I think you better just relax for a while, Fonz,
because uh, well, look,
it is kind of hard to tell with this particular drawing.
If you look at it from a distance, you know.
But don't worry, Fonz,
'cause everybody's out looking for Spunky.
We've done everything we can, we've called around
We even put an ad in the newspapers.
Oh, yeah?
Crooks don't answer ads, Rich.
Okay Fonz, your worries are over.
Ralph comes through again.
What's he doing with that dog?
What are you doing with that dog?
Does that look like Spunky?
Does that look like this picture?
(cackling)
That's really funny, you're kidding.
Who drew that picture?
I did.
Good one, Fonz, nice detail.
The legs and the tail
Ralph, where did you come up with this dog?
Well, I just used the old Malph charm.
So much for the old Malph charm.
I didn't know it was her dog.
It was standing in front of the supermarket.
It could have been waiting for a bus.
Hey, look Fonz, don't you worry,
we're going to find Spunky for you.
What are you talking about?
I mean, whoever took that dog could be anywhere by now.
Yeah.
I hear they take them to Mexico and paint them.
That's cars.
Oh.
Now, Fonz, what makes you think
that Spunky was really stolen?
'Cause Ralph never actually saw anybody take her.
Look, let me look
Ralph, Potsie, did you open up that gate
and let that dog walk out? Huh, would you do that?
No. No.
We wouldn't do that.
All right then, somebody walked up,
bent over, picked up my dog, and took him away.
I call that stolen. I call that stolen.
Stolen. Absolutely. Right, Fonz.
Spunky was stolen, but don't worry,
we're going to find Spunky, right, Ralph? Right.
Don't worry, Fonz, we're going to find Spunky.
Can we borrow the drawing?
We don't need the drawing, come on.
Pots, did you see that drawing?
I really wouldn't worry too much, Fonz,
'cause dogs are capable of doing some incredible things.
Like, uh, I saw this war movie one time,
where Lassie got separated from her master.
Did she find her way home?
Well, uh, actually I couldn't tell you that.
You see, I saw the movie at a drive-in
with uh, Carol Kleinsmidth.
Well, yeah, but I'm sure that Lassie got home.
I mean, look, she's made a lot
of pictures since then, right?
Well I couldn't help it, Carol was
blowing in my ear. Thanks, Rich, thanks.
When I find the guy that took my dog
("You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog" plays)
(music stops)
I knew you'd be bad for business.
This was your idea.
Well, they weren't eating anyway.
Hey, Fonzie, Officer Porter wants to help you.
He's a police artist.
Figured I'd draw a sketch of Spunky
and spread it around the force.
Well, that's great.
I already did that right here.
You lost a matchstick dog?
It's a rare breed.
It's a fox terrier.
You see, it's all fuzzy,
and it's a smart dog, eats only Arnold burgers.
Hey, it's my dog, I'll describe her.
She is about one-six,
and she's about, uh, hairy, and female.
Yeah?
And she looks like this right here.
Look at that, she's got droopy cheeks.
Yeah. You know?
And, and, and, she's got, uh, sad eyes.
Sad eyes, yeah.
I think that does it.
How's that?
Well, Fonz, everybody's out looking.
You might as well go on home.
If anybody finds Spunky,
they're going to call you there.
I can't go home to an empty house, Rich.
Fonz, you could always get some female companionship.
It won't be the same. I mean
they're not going to hop up and down when I come home.
They're not going to jump in my arms.
Roberta Ricobini will.
She's not furry, Rich.
There he is.
We have to tell him, Malph. No, we don't.
We have to.
No, we don't.
We have to. No, we don't!
We have to. We're not gonna
What are you two babbling about?
Look at this, Frick and Frack.
Hey, Rich, Fonz.
Ralph here has something to tell you.
You tell him. You tell him.
You tell him. All right, hold it. You tell him.
That's enough. You tell him.
You tell him. I'm not playing this game.
Malph, you're going to tell me.
All right, Fonz.
It's about your dog.
Here's your dog.
There's my dog. Here's the dog!
The dog! (Cheering)
Now, listen, Spunk,
maybe this taught you something, huh?
Like you don't listen to strangers.
Especially humans, you know?
All right, it's so good to see you.
All right, listen, I'll tell you something,
I owe you one, Officer.
Oh, that's okay, I'm a sucker for happy endings.
Hey, Officer, you catch the guy who stole Spunky?
Potsie, nobody stole Spunky.
They heard.
Uh, well, it's obvious,
I mean, Spunky walked in by himself.
There's no crook attached to him, right?
Wrong.
I have him in the car.
Good. Good work, Officer.
Officer Porter, bring in the culprit.
Malph!
I'll go get him.
He's been giving us a rough time.
Fonz, now, you're just going to
talk to this guy, right? Oh, that's right.
That's right, I'm just going to talk to him.
I'm going to have a convo with him with my fist.
We've got to talk, Malph. No, no.
We've got to talk, Malph.
Stand up, I want to warm up.
Put your hands up.
All right, buddy, in here.
All right now, Fonz, don't do anything crazy.
Oh, no, I'm not going to do anything crazy.
I'm just going to turn around, I'm going to see him.
And, uh
he's a little kid.
Good guess.
What was your first clue?
He's a little kid with a big mouth.
Want me to press charges?
For what, walking a dog?
Now let me talk to him, okay?
I'll give you five minutes, then I have to book him.
All right, all right, now, uh, just take it easy
'cause you got nothing to worry about.
You do, if he don't give me back my dog.
Your dog?
It's my dog, you stole her.
You crazy, Clyde.
Clyde. He called me Clyde.
You got a big brother I can hit?
If you don't give me back my dog,
you and me are going to duke it out.
Oh, are you kidding me, huh?
Fonz, uh,
maybe he's telling the truth.
You stay out of it.
This is between me
and Clyde. He called me Clyde again!
You stop calling me a crook,
or me and you are gonna really duke it out.
Whoa. Yeah?
Wait, Fonz, don't hurt him!
Yeah, right, Fonz, come on.
Get out of my way.
Golly, there are more white guys in this place
than there are in my whole school.
Fonz, I got to tell you the truth.
He didn't steal Spunky.
You see, she got loose and ran out of the yard.
It was Potsie's fault.
You opened the gate, it wasn't my fault.
Why do you always blame me? Cool it!
Are you telling me that you let my dog out of the yard?
Fonz, it was an accident. It was an accident.
I don't care about accidents,
I care about you lied to me.
(whimpers)
Oh, good, he hit Potsie.
All right, both of you, in my office.
Yeah, right. Right, Fonz.
In my office. Okay.
You stay where you are,
'cause I got to talk to you.
I've got to go think this out,
I'll be right back. Right, Fonz.
Get in there. In here?
Get in there. Get in there. Fonz, that's the ladies room.
Uh, we're coming in!
Ready or not, here we are.
Hey, there's something missing in here.
What was your name again?
Whitey Ford.
(chuckles)
Yeah, that's a very good one.
I can see why you'd be upset.
I mean, some policeman pulls you off the street,
brings you in here, but
but you got nothing at all to be scared of.
Scared?
I'm not scared of nothing.
Huh, huh, huh, huh, no, not scared.
I didn't mean scared.
(clears throat): Good punch.
You're lucky I held back.
Oh, yeah, yeah, well, I feel lucky.
Why don't you smile or something, you know?
You're going to be out of here in no time at all.
30 seconds.
You've got that long to get out of my way.
Oh.
You really like that dog, don't you?
I'm not getting any answers here.
You really like that dog, don't you?
"What's it to you, Clyde?"
Oops, you almost smiled, I saw you.
15 seconds.
You got any brothers or sisters?
"You taking a census?"
All right, I got you that time.
Okay, okay.
I hope I didn't hurt you.
Aw, forget it.
Well, you might have hurt a lesser man.
(high-pitched sigh)
I feel better.
I feel better.
I understand you didn't steal my dog.
I understand that.
I know it, too.
He's a cute little kid, huh?
You're lucky he's even answering you.
Listen, would you do me a favor,
go out there and tell the officer
I'm not going to press any charges, all right?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, Fonz, watch out for this kid's right,
you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
He's a funny guy.
He's hysterical, he's hysterical.
Uh, listen, kid
uh, no, no, no, no fists,
no fists, come on.
Put 'em down down.
Ooh good.
Uh, why don't you sit down?
I don't think I want to.
Sit down.
Well, maybe just for a minute.
Yeah, right. Now, uh
listen, kid, I really understand
that you didn't steal my dog, you know?
But the thing is that you should have
you should have looked for her owner.
Well, she had no name tag.
And she didn't know her phone number.
It's unlisted.
It's unlisted, that's why.
Okay, uh
the thing is that
I really appreciate
that you took good care of her, you understand
and, uh
Do you want to save me just a few?
Go ahead, help yourself.
I appreciate you, you know?
You really like dogs, don't you?
You know it, Clyde.
(dog barks)
Hey, Spunky, come here.
Come here, Spunky, hello, yeah.
Spunky?
She really is your dog.
Yeah.
Fonz?
Are you going to let him keep Spunky?
Are you crazy?
It's his dog.
You don't give away your own dog.
That's right, but the thing is, I really appreciate you
and I'm going to tell what I'm going to do, all right?
You're going to meet me here tomorrow morning,
I'm going to get you your own dog, all right?
Just one thing.
I can't live with the name Clyde.
Coolamundo? Coolamundo.
Not you.
Coolamundo.
(barks)
Let's go home. I agree with you.
All right.
He's gone. What should we do?
I don't know.
Fonzie didn't say we could leave.
We better stay in here. Yeah.
Hey, you guys!
You gonna spend the weekend in there?
You going to hit us, Fonz?
You going to lie to me again?
Never again, Fonz.
Promise. Get out of here.
Thanks. Hey.
Hey, Fonz,
girls write on the bathroom wall, too.
Yeah, they have a whole wall dedicated to you.
One wall?
Heyyy.
Come here, come here.
Come here, yeah. Listen to me.
I don't want you to run away from home again, you know why?
You know why?
Because I love you, that's why.
Hey, Rich, let me tell you something. Hi, Fonz.
I taught my dog a new trick you can't believe it.
Oh, yeah? Where is my dog?
Oh, oh, don't worry.
Dad's taking her out for a walk, that's all. All right.
Come on, Spunk.
I, uh, I thought you didn't like her.
Well, that's a vicious rumor.
Anyway, anyway, I got this trick, see. Yeah?
I'm in my apartment with a chick, right? Right.
Okay, and then it's nice and cozy,
and then there's the sound of a kiss, you know? Yeah.
That's all right, you won't embarrass me,
I'm one of the boys.
All right.
This is the greatest trick, Mr. C.
Arthur, you taught Spunky a trick?
That's nice, may we see it?
Uh, well, actually, the thing is that
I need a little more practice, you know?
Oh, yes, I understand.
Arthur, I'm just so glad that you got your dog back.
(lip smack)
What a trick!
Well, I've got to go take her for a walk again, you know?
Come on, come on, here we go, jump right here, right here.
Heyyy!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪