The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e23 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way
we became the Brady Bunch. ♪
What were you doing back
at high school today?
It was a college semester break.
I figured I'd drop by and see
how some of my old buddies
were getting along.
So, what's it like in college?
Out of sight.
Yeah? Really different?
Like night and day. Good. Good.
Beep-beep-beep, beep, beep!
Beep-beep-beep-beep, beep!
Thank you.
Bobby, we're having a talk.
It's okay. You won't bother me.
It'll bother me.
Go watch TV someplace else, huh?
Greg, this room is for all of us.
That's why they call it a family room.
Get it?
Hey, let's go up to my room, Hank.
Maybe we can get
some privacy up there.
Hey, Hank, why don't you tell me
about the girls in college?
Oh, they're a whole different animal
and I do mean animals.
Yeah, sounds like a real zoo.
Ah, something else.
They're sophisticated.
They're real women, not like
the kids back in high school.
I think I got the picture.
Hey, hang that up.
Pete, this is a private conversation.
About girls?
Could you go read someplace else?
Sure I could, but I'd rather
stay and listen and learn.
Pete, I'd like a little privacy.
Why should I leave my own room?
You want privacy, go in the garage.
Greg, why don't you
come on over to my apartment?
We can have all the privacy
we want there.
Yeah. Good idea, Hank.
Have a nice time.
Why don't you pick up your robe?
A whole apartment to yourself.
That's really something.
That's one of the great things
about going to college.
You're on your own.
You can have friends
over whenever you want.
You come and you go
whenever you want.
Nobody around to bug you.
Man, I can't wait for that.
I got an idea.
I'm looking for a guy
to share expenses with.
You mean move in with you?
Sure, if you're interested. Am I!
You think your mom and dad will let you?
I don't know why not.
One more term, I'll be going to college
and moving out anyway.
I'm sure I can convince them.
Great. Beep, beep!
You got yourself a roommate, Hank.
I'm moving out.
I have heard of warped tennis racquets,
but this is ridiculous.
( Chuckles )
I think that had better go
in the junk pile, Alice.
I don't think it'd get very much
at the charity bazaar.
The bazaar is really going
to clean out this attic.
Well, I think we should
just make a clean sweep.
Either it goes to the bazaar
or the junkyard.
MIKE: Carol?
We're up here, honey!
What are you doing?
We're getting things together
for that sale I told you about.
Oh.
What are you going to get rid of?
Everything if it isn't
nailed down, it goes.
Aw.
( Chuckles )
Oh, you remember these,
from that old costume party?
Oh, yeah.
Every little breeze
seems to whisper "Louise" ♪
Birds in the trees
seem to twitter "Louise" ♪
Oh-ho-ho-ho
I love you
Love you
Oh, that is great, Mike. Yeah.
Except I didn't know
Humphrey Bogart could sing.
Thank you.
You're really gonna get rid
of all of our memories?
No, the memories we'll keep,
it's just the junk we're gonna get rid of.
Could you change your
clothes and give us a hand?
Okay, but my heart ain't in it.
It ain't your heart we need, Mr. Brady,
it's your muscles.
Okay, back in a flash.
Dad, can I see you for a minute?
Sure, come on in.
What's up?
You know Hank Carter, don't you?
Uh, yes, I do.
You think he's a nice guy?
Very nice.
Hank started college this year.
Oh, he did?
You know his parents,
Mr. And Mrs. Carter.
Don't you think they're nice people, too?
Very nice indeed.
Well, I've got a terrific opportunity
with a nice guy like Hank
who has such nice parents.
Oh, yeah? What opportunity is that?
Like you once told me,
always take advantage
of a good opportunity.
What opportunity?
Well, Hank's got his own apartment,
and he's looking for someone
to share the expenses
and it's only going to cost me
half the food and half the rent
I'm sorry, Greg. The answer's no.
Dad, I haven't even
asked the question yet.
Yeah, well, I heard you coming
through loud and clear.
Dad, I'll probably be moving out next year
when I go to college anyway.
I'll already have a place to stay.
Yeah, but that's next year.
I really need the privacy.
A guy my age needs a room of his own.
I got Peter and Bobby in my hair
all the time.
Greg, I understand what you're saying
and I agree with you believe me, I do
but the point is that Hank
didn't move away from home
till he went to college.
Let's wait till you go to college.
Dad, living in there with Peter and Bobby
is like a jail sentence.
Well, you could look
on the bright side of it.
In a few short months, you'll
be paroled for good behavior.
( Chuckling )
Now, everything that goes
to the charity bazaar
goes into the station wagon
and everything else gets thrown out.
Okay, troops, start moving out.
Ta-da-da-da, da-da!
Charge!
Wow! Whose was this?
It's mine.
Yours?
You must have really been a chubby.
I was. I was eight months
pregnant with you!
Come on.
Now, be careful going
down the stairs, okay?
Okay.
Now, where did you get these?
Oh, I think they're Mr. Brady's.
Oh, I used those several years ago
on that construction job up in Maine.
Well, I think they can go.
The moths seem to have opened up
two or three extra trapdoors.
Okay, Alice.
( Chuckling ): Greg, give me a
hand with this chest, will you?
Sure. Honey, take my rubber duck, huh?
Okay.
( Straining ): Okay.
Ah, that's what I was waiting for.
Yeah. Thank you.
Whoops!
There.
Thank you.
Marcia, honey, I think you'd
better stop daydreaming.
We got a lot of work to do.
Hey, Mom, I was thinking.
Once the attic gets cleaned out,
it would make a great extra room.
Yeah, I guess it would.
Could I use it?
I really want a room of my own.
Oh, but, Marcia, the walls aren't finished,
the floors are a mess
Well, I could put posters up on the wall,
and that big rug that we
used to have in the den
Oh, but, honey
Oh, please, Mom?
When a girl gets to be my age,
she really needs a room of her own.
But wouldn't you feel all alone
up here by yourself?
But that's the whole point.
I'd have privacy.
Please, Mom. Can I?
Well, if that's what you really want.
Oh, great. Thanks, Mom.
Now that it's empty, I think
it'd make a good room for me.
Look, I'd still be at home
and on my own, too.
Hmm. That's not a bad idea.
Yeah, Peter and Bobby
would have more room, too.
Right. It'd be great for all of us.
Right. So I can have the attic?
I don't see any reason why not.
Thanks, Dad. This is
going to work out great.
What's gonna work out great?
Oh, hey, listen.
I got something I want to tell you.
What?
Um, first you better put down the boxes.
Look, I want you to know
this is nothing personal.
We've always been great pals,
and I want it to stay that way.
What do you want to tell us?
I don't want this to upset you.
What is it?
Well I'm gonna be
moving out of our room up to the attic.
( Cheering )
( Cheering continues )
They're really broken up about that.
Wow, isn't this gonna be great?
Terrific. Marvelous.
Well, isn't it exciting?
Marcia
hooray.
Jan, what's wrong with you?
Well I'll tell you.
We'll miss you.
I'll give you my half of the
closet if you won't move out.
Look, I'm gonna miss you, too,
but I'm only one flight up.
You can come up any time you want.
You mean you won't mind?
Of course not.
I'm not trying to get rid of you.
If we come up here enough of the time,
it'll be like the three of us
moved into the attic.
Uh, just drop that over there.
I didn't mean drop it.
I meant, uh put it down.
You said drop it.
Isn't that what he said?
That's what he said.
Greg, can we go now?
We've got a lot of our own
stuff to move, too, you know.
Okay. Go ahead.
Wait a minute, you guys.
I thought you said the whole
attic was cleaned out.
It was.
Then how'd this stuff get in here?
Search me.
I wonder how that stuff got there.
Hi.
Hi.
What's the typewriter for?
For typing.
What's in all those boxes?
Books.
Thanks.
Come up any night you
want and read them.
It's very large of you
to invite me up to my room.
Your room?
This is my room.
Quit kidding.
Mom promised it to me.
Dad promised it to me.
But this is my room.
That's your opinion.
You bet it's my opinion.
This is my room
and I'm not budging.
Well, I say it's my room,
and I'm not budging.
MIKE: Well, now, you can't
sit there like that forever.
Somebody's going to have
to give up the attic.
I'm sorry, Marcia.
I should've checked with your father first.
And I should've checked
with your mother, but still
Well, I've got it all planned out.
Now, I'm going to put a bed right here
and I'm going to have a desk
beside the window
and I've got some lovely curtains
picked out for the window, too.
Well, I've got it planned out, too.
My bed's going to go over here
and my desk is going to go here.
I think I'll put shutters on the window.
Besides, I'm older. So what?
So I should have the room.
Hold it, hold it. You're not going
to solve anything by arguing. Right.
Well, then who gets the attic?
Well, I think there's only one
way that's fair and logical.
What?
Greg is a year older, he's going
to be going away to college next year.
It should be Greg's now. Dad!
Gee, I think that's fair.
Not to me! Mother
Marcia, I have to agree with your father.
Look, next year
the room'll be yours anyway.
Right, honey, and then
after you comes Peter
and then Jan and all the rest.
That way it's fair to everybody.
Except to me.
Why should I be penalized
for being born a year too late?
I'm sick and tired of
being second around here.
( Sighing )
( Door slamming )
Don't say a word.
Mike, If I weren't
on that bazaar committee,
I think I'd skip going out tonight.
Oh, yeah? Why?
Marcia's so upset
about not getting the attic,
I just have a funny feeling
she and Greg are going
to have a big blowup.
Oh, honey, she's adult enough
to accept our decision.
Believe me, everything's going to be fine.
( Sighs )
( Knock on door )
GREG: Marcia?
Go away.
Marcia?
I said, go away.
Not until I see you.
Okay
you've seen me. Now go away.
Marcia I just wanted
to give you this album.
You left it in the attic.
You're all heart.
Look, I know how you feel,
and I can't blame you,
but I honestly think Mom and Dad
made the fair decision.
I'll bet you do
you've got the room and I don't.
And I need it more than you do.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, a girl needs more space.
There's never any room
in my closet or my drawers,
and I can't even use my hair
dryer when I want to.
Look, it's just as crowded
for me with the guys.
( Voice breaking ): Besides, I wanted
to have a slumber party this night
and invite six of my friends over
in my own attic room.
Hey, great. I've got some
new pajamas I could wear.
Go ahead and make jokes!
( Crying ): See if I care.
Hey, wait a minute.
I didn't mean to make you cry.
I didn't realize the room
meant that much to you.
Well, it does.
Hey, Marcia, uh
you know, I'll probably
be leaving soon for college
why don't you take the room?
You're just saying that
'cause I'm sitting here
blubbering like an idiot.
No. No, I want you to have it.
It's got nothing to do
with you're being a blubbering idiot.
Honest?
Honest.
Thanks, Greg.
You're the greatest
brother a girl ever had.
Well, Greg's all moved in.
Now we can start
moving our stuff around.
In our own room.
Yeah, tomorrow.
I'm all pooped out.
Uh, hey, you guys.
I got to talk to you.
Greg, your bed in
the attic's gonna be great.
Yeah, we got all your junk up there now.
Thanks. Now you can help me
haul it back into our room.
Our room?
Our room.
He must have banged
his head on a rafter.
Marcia's getting the attic.
Marcia? Mom and Dad gave it to you.
I know, and I gave it to Marcia.
What's going on around here?
I'll tell you what's going on around here.
You two guys are going to help me
move my stuff back to our room.
That's what's going on around here.
That's Greg's mattress, isn't it?
Yeah. We're moving Greg
out of the attic.
Oh?
Whoa!
I thought you just moved him in.
That's right.
What's going on around here?
I'll tell you what's going on around here.
Marcia's moving in
and Greg's moving out
and we're doing all the work.
That's what's going on around here.
( Grunting )
That's good.
Boy, am I beat.
Greg can move the rest
of his stuff down himself.
Yeah. I wonder why he chickened out
and let Marcia have the attic.
Well, Marcia probably
pulled all that mushy
girl stuff on him.
( Sobbing ): "Oh, Greg"
"Please give me the attic.
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"
All I know is, we've got him back.
Hey, maybe if we talk to Greg,
we can get him to change his mind.
No way.
How about talking to Marcia?
Why should she quit while she's ahead?
What could we possibly say to her?
Well for one thing, we could tell her
how rough it is
climbing up and down the stairs.
We ought to know.
Hey, yeah! The stairs!
You know something?
For a little guy,
you just came up with a big idea.
Oh!
( Phone rings )
BOBBY: Marcia, telephone for you.
Okay, coming.
Who is it?
Your girlfriend Susie.
Thanks.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
That's funny.
She hung up.
Well, it couldn't have been too important.
I guess not.
( Phone rings )
Thanks, Charlie.
BOBBY: Marcia? Yeah?
Phone for you.
Again?
Yeah.
Who is it?
Your friend Katie.
Oh, good. Thanks.
Hello, Katie?
Hello?
Hello?
She hung up, too.
Can't anybody wait till
you get to the phone?
It's so annoying.
Oh, I bet it's annoying.
( Snickering )
BOBBY: Marcia? Yeah?
Telephone again.
Oh, no.
Who is it this time?
Linda.
Hello, Linda?
Linda?
Linda?
You know something, Peter?
I'm getting tired of this.
This is really beginning to bug me.
No wonder.
( Phone rings )
I'll get it.
No, I'll get it.
Hello?
Linda?
Oh, I just remembered
I have some homework I have to do.
Hey, Linda, why did you
just call and hang up?
You didn't call?
You're studying with Katie.
I'm beginning to smell a rat around here.
You gotta be kidding.
Why would I do a dumb thing like that?
To bug me so maybe I'd give up the attic
our of pure exhaustion.
That's ridiculous.
If I were gonna do that, why would I
give you the room in the first place?
Well, how should I know?
Maybe you changed your mind
and didn't have the nerve to tell me.
You don't really believe that.
Who else would want me
out of the attic?
I'll bet I know.
All right, you two.
Start flapping your gums.
It was us.
Greg didn't have anything to do with it.
There. We're sorry, Marcia.
We just wanted this room for ourselves.
Well I guess I can understand that.
We all wanted our own room.
Then you're not sore at us?
No.
Wow! I'd be furious.
That just proves Marcia's
more mature, that's all.
You guys were just thinking
about yourselves.
I guess I was, too, Greg.
What do you mean?
Well, about the attic.
Mom and Dad were right.
You'll probably go to college next year,
and then I'll get my turn.
You mean you want me
to have the attic now?
I really do.
( Yells )
What are you doing now?
Moving Greg's stuff to the attic.
You just moved it out
of the attic, didn't you?
That's right.
Well, why? What's going on?
Well On second thought, don't tell me.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing
and ignorance is bliss.
I was telling John how great
I thought the bazaar was,
and he was telling me
the Ditmeyer's junk
didn't bring in near as
much money as our junk did.
Well, actually, I'm glad to be home.
All evening long I had this terrible feeling
there was going to be trouble
over that attic.
Oh, honey, you and your
women's intuition.
I'll bet none of them
gave it a second thought.
Oh, well.
CAROL: You were right.
None of them gave it a second thought.
1975 it's terrible!
What's terrible?
Mom and Dad said
that we'd all have a turn
to live in the attic room by ourselves.
Is that terrible?
No, that's not the terrible part.
What is the terrible part?
Well, see, first Greg gets the room
then Marcia, then Peter,
then Jan, then Bobby
Yeah?
Well, then comes the terrible part.
By the time I get to use the room,
it'll be almost the year 2000.
That is terrible.