Happy Days (1974) s04e24 Episode Script
Fonzie's Baptism
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪
.
La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪
La, la, la, la. ♪
Mom, where should I put this one?
What's that?
Uh, it's a picture of Dad digging out a septic tank.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
There's some things
a man doesn't want to remember.
Well, Howard, if we're going to have a family album,
we can't throw out every picture where you look bad.
Oh. Mom, here's one of you
at Uncle Leo's wedding
dancing on the buffet table.
That's the one that's the one
where she has the cranberries on her head.
Ah!
You can't have a family album
if we're going to throw out every picture
that makes you look bad, huh, Marion?
I'll trade you one cranberry for a septic tank.
You promise? Yeah. You first.
All right, give me. You promise?
You first. Now, come on, give me. Now give me.
Come on, give it to me,
Marion, give it to me!
What happened to you at the stock car races?
Arthur, you've been in a wreck.
Well, let's put it this way.
This wheel and my body is all that's left
from entry number 23.
Oh, Arthur, are you all right?
Mrs. C., I want to tell you,
I was leading the pack up until
lap 44, you know?
Then all of a sudden, I start to spin, you know?
And I'm spinning, I'm spinning, I'm spinning.
And then I start this
I-I stop the spin.
I saw my entire life flash before my eyes.
Your entire life?
It was a very, very long accident, Mr. C.
Boy, when I come close to going to, uh
I hope Fonzie's life passes before my eyes.
What makes you think you're going to, uh?
Children.
Oh, Arthur,
you just look like you've really been shaken up, dear.
Shaked, baked and spun.
I'll tell you something, Mrs. C.
I realized at that moment,
your number can come up any time.
That's true.
HOWARD: Joanie. Well, it is.
I mean, remember what happened to Uncle Thurmond.
Tell him, Rich.
Oh, I don't think
Arthur wants to hear about Uncle Thurmond right now.
What's Uncle Thurmond, huh?
Well, it's no big deal.
You see, uh, there he is.
One morning he was putting up his flag for Arbor Day.
He was stampeded by a herd of buffalo.
Stampeded by a herd of buffalo?
I mean, that's not your run-of-the-mill accident, huh?
(laughs)
That's true,
.
It don't matter, Mr. C.
When his time came up, he went.
I'm going to beat this thing.
I'm not going.
Don't worry about it.
Fonz, see, that's, uh God.
You know, it happens It's a difficult thing.
Now, look, Fonzie, you can't beat it,
because we're all mortals.
You're mortal. I'm a Fonzarelli.
All right, all right, I'm gonna change my lifestyle.
I'm going to quiet down.
I'm not going to race anymore.
I'm not going to do so many exciting things, you know?
I might even give up my mmm-mmm-mmm
mmm-mmm
BOTH: Your motorcycle?
MARION: Motorcycle.
Yeah.
I'm going to get a DeSoto.
(laughter)
You got to be kidding.
He's such a great kidder.
You in a DeSoto?
What's so funny? What's so funny?
(both stammering)
Good in a DeSoto.
I don't think you seem to understand.
I met the Grim Reaper, face-to-face.
What did he look like?
Marion.
Now look, Fonzie, it's a fact of life
that sooner or later, it comes to
Hey, I choose later.
Much, much later.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to change my whole lifestyle.
I'm going to take on Red's lifestyle right here.
Oh, you mean, D-U-L-L?
That's dull.
My life isn't dull.
It isn't exciting, but it's pleasant.
I like it.
Exactamundo. Yeah.
I'll tell you something.
From now on, I'm going down the same road.
Red goes, huh?
Right now, I'm going up to my room.
I'm going to go up each step very carefully.
.
And right now, I'm just going to watch my fingers.
Bye, bye, love ♪
Bye, bye, happiness ♪
Hello, loneliness ♪
Okay, boys, here's your hamburgers.
Now, let's have fun.
Hamburgers are not fun.
I've had it with you guys.
Fonzie starts acting dull,
and all of a sudden, all of Milwaukee is dull.
Well, he's just decided to choose safe over exciting.
That's for sure.
You know, he even has somebody taste his food
to make sure it's not poisoned?
Now, who'd be dumb enough to do a thing like that?
He pays me 50 cents.
(motorcycle revving)
(brakes screeching)
Oh, wow.
Fonzie just jumped over two cars
and entered with his motorcycle.
The old Fonzie's back!
(motorcycle revving, people murmuring)
(women screaming, crowd chatter)
All right, guys, kickstand me.
Right, Fonz. Kickstand.
Up, up. All right!
How's that, Fonz? All right.
Well, I'm glad to see the old Fonzie is back.
Huh?
ALL: Yeah!
To celebrate, French fries on the house.
Extra grease, Al.
Ah, you got it.
Clarence, one order of French fries, regular.
Hey, uh, Fonz,
what happened to taking the road of the redhead?
Huh? It got boring.
I'll tell you, you guys were right, you know.
When your number comes up,
there's nothing you can do about it,
and I'll tell you something.
I ain't going up to those pearly gates in a DeSoto.
You're right, Fonz.
You can't worry about life.
You got to live it.
Fonz, you got to do what you can,
when you can, with whomever you can, right?
Heyyy.
I'll see you guys.
Where are you going? Home.
If I'm not home by 6:00, my father yells at me.
If I'm not home by 6:00, my father locks me out,
and it's cold.
Hey, how about you, Red?
I got till 6:30.
Your parents really let you go amuck, huh?
Oh, well, yeah, you know, since I graduated.
Well, I'll tell you something.
I might run amuck tonight.
I might run amuck all week.
I'm going to burn my bridges from both ends.
Oh, I think that's, uh, candle.
Whatever.
I just want to talk to you
about what you did here, Fonz.
Yeah, fun, huh? You get on my bike.
I'm going to teach you how to ride it.
Well, Fonz, you see, I think
there's got to be some happy medium between, uh,
being dull and-and risking your neck in the parking lot.
That's right. Get on Get on my bike. That's right.
I'm going to teach you how to do some wheelies.
Wheelies? Yeah.
(laughs)
Get on the bike.
Well, Fonz, there's no room for wheelies in here.
That's right. That's what makes it exciting.
Anybody can do it outside.
No, listen, please take this seriously, Fonz.
That's right. Put on my gloves.
No, no, you're not listening
I'm listening. Now listen,
I want you to think you're on the road.
You know, with a vroom, vroom, vroom.
Vroom, vroom, vroom?
That is your redhead safe vroom, vroom.
I'm talking about wild ones.
You're like a bullet going down that highway.
Like a bulldozer vroom, vroom, vroom!
Oh.
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
(louder): Vroom, vroom.
Vrooom
(imitates engine rumbling)
(imitates engine accelerating)
All right, listen, I'm going to open the door.
We're going to jump over some cars!
Yeah, right, Fonz.
Let's go!
Vroom, vroom.
(sputtering through lips)
What am I doing?
This is stupid.
Oh, man.
(laughs)
Stupid?
Give me my gloves back.
Oh, well, I-I didn't mean to
to use that exact word, Fonz.
You said it.
Well, I-I'm sorry.
You see Look.
I'm very glad that you're not dull, but you're acting stu
Uh
No. It's-It's just not like you
to take risks like this, Fonz.
Hey, Rich, you don't think I know this ain't normal,
riding around inside?
Well, yeah, now that you mention it.
You bet it ain't normal.
I think I got a problem.
Let me talk to you for a minute.
Hey, look, I've been thinking, you know?
Mm-hmm.
I think I got every base covered except for home plate.
Home plate?
The big garage in the sky?
Garage?
Heaven, Rich, heaven.
Oh. Yeah.
All right, now here's the question, Cunningham.
When my number does come up, what then?
Anthony.
Did you just say Anthony?
Yeah.
He's my brother.
He's got a lot of answers.
Well, then talk to him about these French fries.
(laughing)
You want to hear about Anthony?
All right, who's Anthony?
What's Anthony? Where's Anthony?
He's at St. Barnaby's church.
He's religious.
He's a priest.
RICHIE: Hey, Fonz,
maybe you should, uh, talk to somebody who's religious.
Yeah. I like priests.
You know, Father Flanagan.
Oh, all right.
Uh, Pat O'Brien.
Bing Crosby.
Hey, Rich,
going my way?
(motorcycle revving)
Uh, e-excuse me.
Uh, I got an appointment here with Father Delvecchio.
(whispers): Al,
would you get out of that costume
and get down here before the father comes out here?
That is not funny!
I'm not Al.
I'm his brother Anthony.
You must be Arthur Fonzarelli. Yeah.
I guess he didn't tell you we were twins, did he?
No, I think he skipped right over that part.
A lot of people say we look exactly alike,
but I've never really noticed the resemblance.
Especially since Al had his nose fixed.
Al had his nose fixed?
Oh, yes.
They did a marvelous job.
Really?
Look, when he called me,
he didn't have to tell me who you were,
because I'm a big fan of yours.
Yeah?
I have a '37 Chevy I'm rebuilding.
(whispers): Hey, is-is that allowed?
Oh, sure, and whispering doesn't help.
He hears everything.
Well, listen, while we still got his attention,
uh, let's get down to business then, you know?
Last Saturday I had a very close shave in a stock car race,
and I realized that you never know
.
As they say, when your number comes up,
ba-boom.
They say that in church?
Not in those words,
but that's the gist of it.
Yeah. Well, listen, I figured that, uh,
I-I better start talking to the man upstairs, you know,
'cause we haven't talked lately, you know?
I mean, the last time I had a little chat with him,
I just happened to mention the Hooper triplets.
He answered with a clap of thunder.
Maybe it was just a storm,
but, uh, don't mention it again.
I won't.
So how do I get started?
I mean, how how do
how do I open a conversation with him?
Don't you see?
Just coming here was your first step.
Look, let's talk about it
while I show you my '37 Chevy.
You can stand on the running board.
Oh, it's okay.
They like us to have fun, too, you know?
Hey, I didn't know that.
All right!
(Howard and Marion laughing)
Yeah, I remember that one.
Oh, and look,
here's one of Richard on a pony.
Isn't that cute? Let's see oh, yes.
Oh, Richie on a pony.
Now, I don't understand.
How come there are so many pictures of Richie
and only a couple of me?
First children always get more pictures taken of them.
Hey, I found another photo album in
the attic. HOWARD: Uh, Rich Richard
It's got a lot of pictures of girls in it. No, no, Richard,
give me that, Richie.
Oh! HOWARD: Let me have that.
There are the pictures of your old girlfriends.
You told me that you threw this away.
Well, I threw it in the attic, Marion.
That's the same thing.
Oh, Dad, you must have had a lot of girls, huh?
I got around.
He only had two,
but he took a lot of pictures of them.
You took more pictures of those girls than you did of me.
RICHIE (laughing): Oh, Dad.
Oh
That's right, Marion, sit on it.
Hey. Oh, Fonz. Fonzie.
I see you're still working on the archives, huh?
Hey, Fonz, uh, how did the meeting go
with Father Delvecchio?
Richard, maybe it's personal.
Oh, no, Mrs. C., I'll tell you something,
Father Delvecchio is one wonderful guy.
Do you know that he and Al were twins
until Al had his nose fixed?
ALL: Al had his nose fixed?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, Mr. C., I want you and all the little Cs
to keep Sunday the 17th open.
Are you gonna drive in another race?
No, Mrs. C., I I'm getting baptized.
Baptized?
(mouthing)
Yeah, yeah.
I was never christened as a child,
so I had a little talk with the fellow upstairs.
We came to an understanding, you know?
That must have been some talk.
Hey, Mr. C., Mrs. C? Hmm?
Come over here for a minute.
I'd like to ask you a a tremendous favor, okay? Mmm.
FONZIE: Now, you'll probably think it's real silly.
You know. No, no, we won't.
Come on, what is it?
Oh, how I would love it if you would be my
godparents.
See, I-I told you you'd think it was silly.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll hire somebody. No, no.
MARION: Oh, no.
No, dear, we would be honored.
Yeah? Kids, did you hear that?
Yeah. Yeah, sure did.
And we'll do a good job.
We'll show no partiality.
You'll have to be home at 6:30 just like Richard.
Mom, you see, uh, you're not adopting him.
Oh, I know that.
I just got carried away.
Oh, Arthur
we will be proud to be your godparents.
La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪
La, la, la, la. ♪
But, Fonzie, it's just not done.
The baptism boys don't make speeches.
Oh, sure, maybe.
"Ah, goo," "De-da"
or "Wah."
They are babies.
Of course they go, "Wah."
I'm grown-up, I can talk.
Look, I'll go right up here to the pulpit,
I'll turn around nice, real cool,
say, "Ladies and gentlemen, fellow brethren"
That's not a pulpit, that's an altar.
And I'm only supposed to be up there.
All right, all right.
Yeah, well, what if the bishop
would have walked in and seen you up there?
Couldn't you talk to the bishop?
I mean, there's got to be some favor
I could do here for the church.
I got it.
I could use my influence, and every Sunday,
I could give you a full house.
You know, that is, if you don't mind
an entire female congregation.
I appreciate the thought, Fonzie, but
maybe it would be better if you worked
on some of the church buses.
No sweat.
Just talk to the bishop, all right, and remind him
that I have agreed to get my hair wet.
Everyone gets their hair wet when they're baptized.
Of course, they're babies, they're bald.
It took me 20 years to grow this D.A.
Getting your hair wet is such a big sacrifice?
Well, when you say it like that,
it doesn't seem to be so important, you know?
Forget it, huh?
Al, Al, try and pull yourself together, okay?
I can't, I just can't.
I've heard of crying
at weddings and funerals, but
I always cry at ceremonies.
I cried when my restaurant came out of escrow.
(organ music playing)
Shh, shh, it's starting.
Sit down.
(mumbling)
(organ continues playing)
(baby crying)
(crying continues)
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
(music stops)
First, let me say
this is an extraordinary baptism.
And this is an extraordinary boy.
Thanks to him, we're the only church in town
that has buses that go from zero to 60 in 4.3 seconds.
Not that we'll ever use it,
but it's good to know.
Now to continue.
We are gathered here to witness the baptisms
of John Charles Richardson
James Michael Corleone
and Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli.
RALPH AND POTSIE (laughing): Herbert.
Oh, sorry, Fonz.
Now, as the ceremony begins,
some friends will come up and sing.
(organ playing "Faith of Our Fathers")
Faith of our fathers ♪
Living still ♪
In spite of dungeon ♪
Fire and sword ♪
Oh, how our hearts ♪
Beat high with joy ♪
Whene'er we hear ♪
That glorious word ♪
Faith of our fathers ♪
Holy faith ♪
We will be true ♪
To thee till death. ♪
(music stops)
(organ music playing)
Now, if everyone will please be seated.
And now, Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli
would like to make a little speech.
You know, uh, Father Delvecchio was worried about my speech.
I don't want to make a speech, I
I just want to say a few words.
I mean, I-I put on a suit, you know,
and a vest and a tie and everything,
and I learned a lot here and
especially about the Ten Commandments.
I know you all know about the Ten Commandments.
How could you not, seeing it in VistaVision
with Charlton Heston, you know?
It's not every day that two tablets
pop out of a burning bush.
You know, I think that's true.
Anyway, my favorite commandment is the 11th.
Is it not yours, Father?
Yeah, yeah.
The commandment goes,
"Love thy neighbor as you would yourself," you know?
I invited my neighbors here,
all races, all creeds, you know, all religions,
'cause I I figured maybe he'd like it.
So I just want to say that, uh,
I figure I got home base covered.
And I love my neighbors.
And, uh
I'm getting a little misty up here, you know?
That was very nice. Sure.
Let's all rise.
And sing number 64.
(organ playing "Faith of Our Fathers")
Faith of our fathers ♪
Faith and prayer ♪
Thanks for listening, huh?
Whoa.
Be brave and free ♪
And through the truth ♪
That comes from God ♪
Her children have ♪
True liberty ♪
Faith of our fathers ♪
Holy faith ♪
Hi there, guys.
Hi, girls. Hi. Hi, girls.
ALL: "Hi, guys"?
You sure look nice in your suits.
Yeah? Oh, well, I
guess you never saw us
in our Sunday clothes before, huh?
No. You all look very handsome.
Yeah? Well, hey,
thanks a lot for the compliment.
Uh, come on guys, let's go back to the booth.
Potsie, what are you, crazy?
He does look good in his suit, huh?
Really? RICHIE: Yeah. Oh.
What are you three lovelies up to?
Oh, uh, we're loose.
(laughing excitedly)
They're loose. These girls are loose.
They're loose.
They're loose, these girls.
Well, uh, would you ladies care to dance?
All right. Oh, come on. Come on.
Let's go, yeah, hey. All right.
Don't be hesitant.
Oh my cup runneth over.
It isn't very hard to do ♪
And you'll find happiness without an end ♪
Whenever you can ♪
Excuse me, my boyfriend.
Remember anyone can dream ♪
And nothing's bad as it may seem ♪
The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.
These days are ours ♪
days ♪
! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪
.
La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪
La, la, la, la. ♪
Mom, where should I put this one?
What's that?
Uh, it's a picture of Dad digging out a septic tank.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
There's some things
a man doesn't want to remember.
Well, Howard, if we're going to have a family album,
we can't throw out every picture where you look bad.
Oh. Mom, here's one of you
at Uncle Leo's wedding
dancing on the buffet table.
That's the one that's the one
where she has the cranberries on her head.
Ah!
You can't have a family album
if we're going to throw out every picture
that makes you look bad, huh, Marion?
I'll trade you one cranberry for a septic tank.
You promise? Yeah. You first.
All right, give me. You promise?
You first. Now, come on, give me. Now give me.
Come on, give it to me,
Marion, give it to me!
What happened to you at the stock car races?
Arthur, you've been in a wreck.
Well, let's put it this way.
This wheel and my body is all that's left
from entry number 23.
Oh, Arthur, are you all right?
Mrs. C., I want to tell you,
I was leading the pack up until
lap 44, you know?
Then all of a sudden, I start to spin, you know?
And I'm spinning, I'm spinning, I'm spinning.
And then I start this
I-I stop the spin.
I saw my entire life flash before my eyes.
Your entire life?
It was a very, very long accident, Mr. C.
Boy, when I come close to going to, uh
I hope Fonzie's life passes before my eyes.
What makes you think you're going to, uh?
Children.
Oh, Arthur,
you just look like you've really been shaken up, dear.
Shaked, baked and spun.
I'll tell you something, Mrs. C.
I realized at that moment,
your number can come up any time.
That's true.
HOWARD: Joanie. Well, it is.
I mean, remember what happened to Uncle Thurmond.
Tell him, Rich.
Oh, I don't think
Arthur wants to hear about Uncle Thurmond right now.
What's Uncle Thurmond, huh?
Well, it's no big deal.
You see, uh, there he is.
One morning he was putting up his flag for Arbor Day.
He was stampeded by a herd of buffalo.
Stampeded by a herd of buffalo?
I mean, that's not your run-of-the-mill accident, huh?
(laughs)
That's true,
.
It don't matter, Mr. C.
When his time came up, he went.
I'm going to beat this thing.
I'm not going.
Don't worry about it.
Fonz, see, that's, uh God.
You know, it happens It's a difficult thing.
Now, look, Fonzie, you can't beat it,
because we're all mortals.
You're mortal. I'm a Fonzarelli.
All right, all right, I'm gonna change my lifestyle.
I'm going to quiet down.
I'm not going to race anymore.
I'm not going to do so many exciting things, you know?
I might even give up my mmm-mmm-mmm
mmm-mmm
BOTH: Your motorcycle?
MARION: Motorcycle.
Yeah.
I'm going to get a DeSoto.
(laughter)
You got to be kidding.
He's such a great kidder.
You in a DeSoto?
What's so funny? What's so funny?
(both stammering)
Good in a DeSoto.
I don't think you seem to understand.
I met the Grim Reaper, face-to-face.
What did he look like?
Marion.
Now look, Fonzie, it's a fact of life
that sooner or later, it comes to
Hey, I choose later.
Much, much later.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to change my whole lifestyle.
I'm going to take on Red's lifestyle right here.
Oh, you mean, D-U-L-L?
That's dull.
My life isn't dull.
It isn't exciting, but it's pleasant.
I like it.
Exactamundo. Yeah.
I'll tell you something.
From now on, I'm going down the same road.
Red goes, huh?
Right now, I'm going up to my room.
I'm going to go up each step very carefully.
.
And right now, I'm just going to watch my fingers.
Bye, bye, love ♪
Bye, bye, happiness ♪
Hello, loneliness ♪
Okay, boys, here's your hamburgers.
Now, let's have fun.
Hamburgers are not fun.
I've had it with you guys.
Fonzie starts acting dull,
and all of a sudden, all of Milwaukee is dull.
Well, he's just decided to choose safe over exciting.
That's for sure.
You know, he even has somebody taste his food
to make sure it's not poisoned?
Now, who'd be dumb enough to do a thing like that?
He pays me 50 cents.
(motorcycle revving)
(brakes screeching)
Oh, wow.
Fonzie just jumped over two cars
and entered with his motorcycle.
The old Fonzie's back!
(motorcycle revving, people murmuring)
(women screaming, crowd chatter)
All right, guys, kickstand me.
Right, Fonz. Kickstand.
Up, up. All right!
How's that, Fonz? All right.
Well, I'm glad to see the old Fonzie is back.
Huh?
ALL: Yeah!
To celebrate, French fries on the house.
Extra grease, Al.
Ah, you got it.
Clarence, one order of French fries, regular.
Hey, uh, Fonz,
what happened to taking the road of the redhead?
Huh? It got boring.
I'll tell you, you guys were right, you know.
When your number comes up,
there's nothing you can do about it,
and I'll tell you something.
I ain't going up to those pearly gates in a DeSoto.
You're right, Fonz.
You can't worry about life.
You got to live it.
Fonz, you got to do what you can,
when you can, with whomever you can, right?
Heyyy.
I'll see you guys.
Where are you going? Home.
If I'm not home by 6:00, my father yells at me.
If I'm not home by 6:00, my father locks me out,
and it's cold.
Hey, how about you, Red?
I got till 6:30.
Your parents really let you go amuck, huh?
Oh, well, yeah, you know, since I graduated.
Well, I'll tell you something.
I might run amuck tonight.
I might run amuck all week.
I'm going to burn my bridges from both ends.
Oh, I think that's, uh, candle.
Whatever.
I just want to talk to you
about what you did here, Fonz.
Yeah, fun, huh? You get on my bike.
I'm going to teach you how to ride it.
Well, Fonz, you see, I think
there's got to be some happy medium between, uh,
being dull and-and risking your neck in the parking lot.
That's right. Get on Get on my bike. That's right.
I'm going to teach you how to do some wheelies.
Wheelies? Yeah.
(laughs)
Get on the bike.
Well, Fonz, there's no room for wheelies in here.
That's right. That's what makes it exciting.
Anybody can do it outside.
No, listen, please take this seriously, Fonz.
That's right. Put on my gloves.
No, no, you're not listening
I'm listening. Now listen,
I want you to think you're on the road.
You know, with a vroom, vroom, vroom.
Vroom, vroom, vroom?
That is your redhead safe vroom, vroom.
I'm talking about wild ones.
You're like a bullet going down that highway.
Like a bulldozer vroom, vroom, vroom!
Oh.
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
(louder): Vroom, vroom.
Vrooom
(imitates engine rumbling)
(imitates engine accelerating)
All right, listen, I'm going to open the door.
We're going to jump over some cars!
Yeah, right, Fonz.
Let's go!
Vroom, vroom.
(sputtering through lips)
What am I doing?
This is stupid.
Oh, man.
(laughs)
Stupid?
Give me my gloves back.
Oh, well, I-I didn't mean to
to use that exact word, Fonz.
You said it.
Well, I-I'm sorry.
You see Look.
I'm very glad that you're not dull, but you're acting stu
Uh
No. It's-It's just not like you
to take risks like this, Fonz.
Hey, Rich, you don't think I know this ain't normal,
riding around inside?
Well, yeah, now that you mention it.
You bet it ain't normal.
I think I got a problem.
Let me talk to you for a minute.
Hey, look, I've been thinking, you know?
Mm-hmm.
I think I got every base covered except for home plate.
Home plate?
The big garage in the sky?
Garage?
Heaven, Rich, heaven.
Oh. Yeah.
All right, now here's the question, Cunningham.
When my number does come up, what then?
Anthony.
Did you just say Anthony?
Yeah.
He's my brother.
He's got a lot of answers.
Well, then talk to him about these French fries.
(laughing)
You want to hear about Anthony?
All right, who's Anthony?
What's Anthony? Where's Anthony?
He's at St. Barnaby's church.
He's religious.
He's a priest.
RICHIE: Hey, Fonz,
maybe you should, uh, talk to somebody who's religious.
Yeah. I like priests.
You know, Father Flanagan.
Oh, all right.
Uh, Pat O'Brien.
Bing Crosby.
Hey, Rich,
going my way?
(motorcycle revving)
Uh, e-excuse me.
Uh, I got an appointment here with Father Delvecchio.
(whispers): Al,
would you get out of that costume
and get down here before the father comes out here?
That is not funny!
I'm not Al.
I'm his brother Anthony.
You must be Arthur Fonzarelli. Yeah.
I guess he didn't tell you we were twins, did he?
No, I think he skipped right over that part.
A lot of people say we look exactly alike,
but I've never really noticed the resemblance.
Especially since Al had his nose fixed.
Al had his nose fixed?
Oh, yes.
They did a marvelous job.
Really?
Look, when he called me,
he didn't have to tell me who you were,
because I'm a big fan of yours.
Yeah?
I have a '37 Chevy I'm rebuilding.
(whispers): Hey, is-is that allowed?
Oh, sure, and whispering doesn't help.
He hears everything.
Well, listen, while we still got his attention,
uh, let's get down to business then, you know?
Last Saturday I had a very close shave in a stock car race,
and I realized that you never know
.
As they say, when your number comes up,
ba-boom.
They say that in church?
Not in those words,
but that's the gist of it.
Yeah. Well, listen, I figured that, uh,
I-I better start talking to the man upstairs, you know,
'cause we haven't talked lately, you know?
I mean, the last time I had a little chat with him,
I just happened to mention the Hooper triplets.
He answered with a clap of thunder.
Maybe it was just a storm,
but, uh, don't mention it again.
I won't.
So how do I get started?
I mean, how how do
how do I open a conversation with him?
Don't you see?
Just coming here was your first step.
Look, let's talk about it
while I show you my '37 Chevy.
You can stand on the running board.
Oh, it's okay.
They like us to have fun, too, you know?
Hey, I didn't know that.
All right!
(Howard and Marion laughing)
Yeah, I remember that one.
Oh, and look,
here's one of Richard on a pony.
Isn't that cute? Let's see oh, yes.
Oh, Richie on a pony.
Now, I don't understand.
How come there are so many pictures of Richie
and only a couple of me?
First children always get more pictures taken of them.
Hey, I found another photo album in
the attic. HOWARD: Uh, Rich Richard
It's got a lot of pictures of girls in it. No, no, Richard,
give me that, Richie.
Oh! HOWARD: Let me have that.
There are the pictures of your old girlfriends.
You told me that you threw this away.
Well, I threw it in the attic, Marion.
That's the same thing.
Oh, Dad, you must have had a lot of girls, huh?
I got around.
He only had two,
but he took a lot of pictures of them.
You took more pictures of those girls than you did of me.
RICHIE (laughing): Oh, Dad.
Oh
That's right, Marion, sit on it.
Hey. Oh, Fonz. Fonzie.
I see you're still working on the archives, huh?
Hey, Fonz, uh, how did the meeting go
with Father Delvecchio?
Richard, maybe it's personal.
Oh, no, Mrs. C., I'll tell you something,
Father Delvecchio is one wonderful guy.
Do you know that he and Al were twins
until Al had his nose fixed?
ALL: Al had his nose fixed?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, Mr. C., I want you and all the little Cs
to keep Sunday the 17th open.
Are you gonna drive in another race?
No, Mrs. C., I I'm getting baptized.
Baptized?
(mouthing)
Yeah, yeah.
I was never christened as a child,
so I had a little talk with the fellow upstairs.
We came to an understanding, you know?
That must have been some talk.
Hey, Mr. C., Mrs. C? Hmm?
Come over here for a minute.
I'd like to ask you a a tremendous favor, okay? Mmm.
FONZIE: Now, you'll probably think it's real silly.
You know. No, no, we won't.
Come on, what is it?
Oh, how I would love it if you would be my
godparents.
See, I-I told you you'd think it was silly.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll hire somebody. No, no.
MARION: Oh, no.
No, dear, we would be honored.
Yeah? Kids, did you hear that?
Yeah. Yeah, sure did.
And we'll do a good job.
We'll show no partiality.
You'll have to be home at 6:30 just like Richard.
Mom, you see, uh, you're not adopting him.
Oh, I know that.
I just got carried away.
Oh, Arthur
we will be proud to be your godparents.
La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪
La, la, la, la. ♪
But, Fonzie, it's just not done.
The baptism boys don't make speeches.
Oh, sure, maybe.
"Ah, goo," "De-da"
or "Wah."
They are babies.
Of course they go, "Wah."
I'm grown-up, I can talk.
Look, I'll go right up here to the pulpit,
I'll turn around nice, real cool,
say, "Ladies and gentlemen, fellow brethren"
That's not a pulpit, that's an altar.
And I'm only supposed to be up there.
All right, all right.
Yeah, well, what if the bishop
would have walked in and seen you up there?
Couldn't you talk to the bishop?
I mean, there's got to be some favor
I could do here for the church.
I got it.
I could use my influence, and every Sunday,
I could give you a full house.
You know, that is, if you don't mind
an entire female congregation.
I appreciate the thought, Fonzie, but
maybe it would be better if you worked
on some of the church buses.
No sweat.
Just talk to the bishop, all right, and remind him
that I have agreed to get my hair wet.
Everyone gets their hair wet when they're baptized.
Of course, they're babies, they're bald.
It took me 20 years to grow this D.A.
Getting your hair wet is such a big sacrifice?
Well, when you say it like that,
it doesn't seem to be so important, you know?
Forget it, huh?
Al, Al, try and pull yourself together, okay?
I can't, I just can't.
I've heard of crying
at weddings and funerals, but
I always cry at ceremonies.
I cried when my restaurant came out of escrow.
(organ music playing)
Shh, shh, it's starting.
Sit down.
(mumbling)
(organ continues playing)
(baby crying)
(crying continues)
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
(music stops)
First, let me say
this is an extraordinary baptism.
And this is an extraordinary boy.
Thanks to him, we're the only church in town
that has buses that go from zero to 60 in 4.3 seconds.
Not that we'll ever use it,
but it's good to know.
Now to continue.
We are gathered here to witness the baptisms
of John Charles Richardson
James Michael Corleone
and Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli.
RALPH AND POTSIE (laughing): Herbert.
Oh, sorry, Fonz.
Now, as the ceremony begins,
some friends will come up and sing.
(organ playing "Faith of Our Fathers")
Faith of our fathers ♪
Living still ♪
In spite of dungeon ♪
Fire and sword ♪
Oh, how our hearts ♪
Beat high with joy ♪
Whene'er we hear ♪
That glorious word ♪
Faith of our fathers ♪
Holy faith ♪
We will be true ♪
To thee till death. ♪
(music stops)
(organ music playing)
Now, if everyone will please be seated.
And now, Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli
would like to make a little speech.
You know, uh, Father Delvecchio was worried about my speech.
I don't want to make a speech, I
I just want to say a few words.
I mean, I-I put on a suit, you know,
and a vest and a tie and everything,
and I learned a lot here and
especially about the Ten Commandments.
I know you all know about the Ten Commandments.
How could you not, seeing it in VistaVision
with Charlton Heston, you know?
It's not every day that two tablets
pop out of a burning bush.
You know, I think that's true.
Anyway, my favorite commandment is the 11th.
Is it not yours, Father?
Yeah, yeah.
The commandment goes,
"Love thy neighbor as you would yourself," you know?
I invited my neighbors here,
all races, all creeds, you know, all religions,
'cause I I figured maybe he'd like it.
So I just want to say that, uh,
I figure I got home base covered.
And I love my neighbors.
And, uh
I'm getting a little misty up here, you know?
That was very nice. Sure.
Let's all rise.
And sing number 64.
(organ playing "Faith of Our Fathers")
Faith of our fathers ♪
Faith and prayer ♪
Thanks for listening, huh?
Whoa.
Be brave and free ♪
And through the truth ♪
That comes from God ♪
Her children have ♪
True liberty ♪
Faith of our fathers ♪
Holy faith ♪
Hi there, guys.
Hi, girls. Hi. Hi, girls.
ALL: "Hi, guys"?
You sure look nice in your suits.
Yeah? Oh, well, I
guess you never saw us
in our Sunday clothes before, huh?
No. You all look very handsome.
Yeah? Well, hey,
thanks a lot for the compliment.
Uh, come on guys, let's go back to the booth.
Potsie, what are you, crazy?
He does look good in his suit, huh?
Really? RICHIE: Yeah. Oh.
What are you three lovelies up to?
Oh, uh, we're loose.
(laughing excitedly)
They're loose. These girls are loose.
They're loose.
They're loose, these girls.
Well, uh, would you ladies care to dance?
All right. Oh, come on. Come on.
Let's go, yeah, hey. All right.
Don't be hesitant.
Oh my cup runneth over.
It isn't very hard to do ♪
And you'll find happiness without an end ♪
Whenever you can ♪
Excuse me, my boyfriend.
Remember anyone can dream ♪
And nothing's bad as it may seem ♪
The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.
These days are ours ♪
days ♪
! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪