The Secret Life of the American Teenager s05e02 Episode Script
Shotgun
GRACE: Previously on The Secret Life of the American Teenager I cannot believe we did that.
I can't either.
We're on our honeymoon.
Kind of.
We eloped.
Just because we're no longer roommates and we're not going to the same school doesn't mean we aren't friends.
You and I are really going our separate ways.
You're not just here to say goodbye, you're here to say you don't want to be friends with me.
You and I both know we were in the lab with a Bunsen burner that we probably left burning when we left.
I doubt it.
Did you and Dylan have something to do with that fire at her school? Absolutely not.
Where are Amy and Ricky? They're not here, that's where they are.
What if you and Anne and Margaret and Shakur and I missed seeing those two get married? You remember that girl that I made out with at the party? What about her? I've kind of been out with her.
Whose feet are those? They're mine, sir.
I'm sure if Ben had something to do with that fire, it was an accident.
I have to tell my dad what happened.
I think I recall your dad telling you that if you got into any trouble with me, you're on your own.
I told Ricky and Amy I'd babysit if they wanted to go elope.
I even paid for the hotel.
If I'd known you were all going to be here, I would have picked up some eye of newt.
Bye-bye.
Hey If Amy and Ricky got married, I am really going to be upset with you.
Why? Why me? Be upset with them if you want to be upset with anyone, although I don't know why you'd be upset.
You and your kitchen mates.
Because we're their mothers.
Oh.
Hey, Ashley.
I missed you this week, I got used to seeing you every day.
Aren't you going to say anything? Like? Like good morning.
Oh, yeah.
Good morning.
You just kind of took me by surprise.
I thought Dad told you that I couldn't go to your condo this weekend.
Oh, he did tell me.
In a text.
And if you'd rather stay here and hang out with Toby, I totally understand, we were gone for a long time and I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do.
I know friends are important, too.
Toby? Who said anything about Toby? Stay on topic.
Uh, what is the topic exactly? Does she know that Ricky and Amy might have eloped? I don't know.
Do you? No.
I don't know, and I don't care.
Really? You don't know anything? No, they wouldn't tell me any big secrets like that.
Well, Amy told you before us that she was pregnant.
True.
But that was bad news.
This is what Amy would consider good news.
Well, I don't know if consider it good news or not.
I really wanted to be at her wedding.
Since this doesn't really involve me I'll just be in my room.
Nah.
I think you've been in your room enough.
Where else am I going to go? I can't drive.
Maybe if you buy me a car, I can get out more.
Me? Oh, no.
Maybe your mother's next girlfriend will buy you one.
That's how things are done in this family.
Oh, ha ha.
Ashley's up.
She doesn't know anything.
How would she? She's always in her room.
We have to get her out of her room.
All I know is, I want to be here when Amy and Ricky get home.
That's my son.
I raised him.
Well, I hatched him.
Try staying off drugs for nine months when you're an addict.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean any offense.
And not doing drugs is hardly a sacrifice.
I believe money from the state was involved during foster care, wasn't it? Like that covered his expenses? And that stopped when we adopted him.
And my husband is a heart surgeon.
So don't go there.
I think what we're all saying is that we've all sacrificed a lot for Ricky and Amy and we love them and we should have been a part of any wedding that took place.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love Wait.
Both Ricky's and your mother? Oh, my God! Is it an intervention? Are we going to talk to them or something? Oh, no.
call my mother, are they? I don't think my mother even knows.
I don't think my dad told her.
Did you tell your mother? No.
Why would You're the girl.
? There are two of us in this relationship.
Relationship.
I like that.
But guys never tell anyone.
Unless someone gets pregnant or disease or something.
I told my dad, I think you should tell your mom.
If my mom walks out on then I'll tell her.
That would make us even.
Not telling her for no reason.
She thinks we're best friends, that's why she doesn't care if I stay over here.
I don't want to get her all involved.
Wait.
Did your dad say anything to your mom or not? Does your mom know? I don't think she does, no, and I don't think he'll tell her.
He's pretty good at keeping secrets.
Is he? Yeah, he is.
Are you sure about that? He just doesn't seem something like this secret.
You don't even know him.
I got to know him last night.
better Did you know that he lies? He's a very good liar.
Well, not good really.
Just frequent.
He lies.
My sister lies.
And I lie.
No, no, you all just have secrets.
Secrets sounds better than lies.
And what secret are you keeping? Or what lie are you telling? Me? Yeah.
You.
I'm not lying when I say I love you.
I'm going to get out of here while I can.
I'll text you.
What time is it? Mmm.
It's almost 11.
We have to go, kids and your dad are in the kitchen with those three women all day.
(SIGHS) No, we can.
(CHUCKLES) He says to take our time.
And maybe if we wait long enough, they'll all go get waxed or something.
(LAUGHS) I love my dad.
He's so funny.
Yeah, well, he's also so So We should go.
No, we haven't slept in since we had John.
You've slept in, you were in New York for six weeks.
You slept in when you were with me in New York.
We stayed up all night.
Oh.
Right.
(CHUCKLES) Well, come on.
We'll probably never have a room like this again and we don't have to leave, not yet.
All right, we'll stay, if that's what you want.
That's what I want.
It's just that I'm not ready to go back to my house and confront everyone.
Part of the reason I wanted to elope was because I'm tired of everyone being involved in our business.
Yeah, well, look at it as that's the price you pay for being in a family.
Yeah.
But we should make our own decisions.
Well, since the first decision we made together led to our having John, there's probably more involvement than there would have been if things had gone differently.
Yeah, well, if things had gone differently, then I doubt we'd be here.
We might.
And that's not the point.
The point is I love you, Amy.
And I love John.
And I really do want to be with you for the rest of our lives.
I know.
And I love you too.
It's just since we made that first decision by ourselves, we've grown up a lot and I'd like us to make all our decisions from this point on by ourselves without any of our parents being involved.
This was your father's idea.
Hey, and mine too! I was the one who said we should run off.
Yeah, but he's the one who kind of made it happen.
It's not always a bad thing to have our parents involved.
I just don't like the idea of our mothers sitting around the kitchen table talking about us and I feel like we're being called into the principal's office.
Well, maybe they'll be happy when we tell them what we did.
Believe me, then they're just going to want to plan a big wedding that everyone can come to.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
Hey, Ben.
Adrian! What are you doing here? Well, hello to you too.
I'm sorry, you just startled me.
You are the nervous type.
Am I? I like to think of myself more as the responsible type than the nervous type.
My dad came over to see me last night, he brought me flowers for my graduation.
Oh? Oh, no.
Did I miss your graduation? It wasn't a real graduation.
I just got handed a diploma in the counselor's office.
And that was it.
Congratulations.
And if I had known, I would have done something for you.
(SCOFFS) It's just high school.
I'll be going to college, it's not that big a deal.
Did you come by for something in particular? Not really.
Grace broke up with me.
Well, not that we were together together, but she dumped me as a friend and I just felt like hanging out with someone.
Hmm.
Well, where's that guy, Omar? He broke up with me, too.
I could get him back, but Meh.
I felt more like hanging out with a friend.
And you're my friend.
And just my friend.
I'm your ex-husband, I think I'm a little more than just a friend.
Ben, did you go to my father and ask him to talk to me? About what? No.
You didn't ask him to maybe talk to me about maybe getting back together or something? No.
Why would I do that? I'm with Dylan now.
(SCOFFS) You can't be serious about that girl.
She's not for you.
She's not your type.
Did my dad come to you and ask you to talk to me? No.
Well, you're not my type either but we were married.
And now we're divorced and now we're friends.
Let's go back to what your dad said.
What exactly did he say to you that made you think I would want to see you again, as more than a friend? He just thinks you're a nice guy.
He thinks you're too nice to be with that pot smoker.
What! How does he know about that? How does he know anything about Dylan and me? I might have mentioned it.
Adrian! It was a long time ago.
And he's my dad and we talk.
Sometimes.
Look, he just thinks a lot of you and the way you handled everything we went through, and well, he kind of misses you.
He misses me? Yeah.
He said you should come around sometime.
To his office or home? Doesn't matter.
The important thing is that you two are not trying to get me to go back with you.
Yeah, that's really the important thing.
He said he misses me? Yeah.
And he wants me to come around sometime? Is that he wants me to come around if I want to come around, or he's expecting me to come around? I don't know.
What's wrong with you? I'm trying to be nice here and you're being all weird.
Nothing is wrong with me.
I'll go see him.
Good.
Go see him.
He said he'll be around all day today.
+ Ben's father is here! Why? I don't know! He didn't say? I didn't let him in.
He's knocking on the door.
We could hide.
Okay.
I'll get it.
Coming.
Mind if I come in? No, not at all.
After all, we just showed up at your house.
But just that one time.
Or maybe it was twice.
Do you like cinnamon streusel pound cake? I just made one.
I'll take it to go.
Oh.
All right.
I'm joking.
I just want to talk to the two of you.
Sure.
Sit down.
I know what this is about.
I don't.
Then maybe you shouldn't involve yourself.
Well, if it's about my daughter, I want to be involved.
You know what? Why don't you talk to Dylan while I talk to Leo.
Why would I do that? I can talk to Dylan after the three of us talk.
Please.
Really? Really.
It's business.
It's business that I imagine involves my business.
You know what, I don't even want to be here.
So what do you know about the fire? I like the direct approach.
I know all anyone can know.
The fire started in the lab and caused an explosion.
No one was hurt because no one was in the building at the time.
The guard was where he was supposed to be, outside.
And the kids had come by hours earlier.
There is nothing linking either of them to that fire.
So go home and don't worry about it.
Whenever people tell me not to be worried about something, I get worried.
Yeah, your son's a worrier, too.
Were they in the lab? They were all over the school, she gave him a tour.
No one is accusing them of anything, it's not being treated as arson.
What were they doing in the lab? Who knows? There are no cameras.
The cameras are at t entrances, they don't have cameras in each classroom.
If they did, I'd be a wealthier man.
They were roasting marshmallows over a Bunsen burner.
What? Yeah.
And an hour later, boom, the lab blows up and the school burns down.
And you're not worried.
Why is that? Because how do you know they were roasting marshmallows over a Bunsen burner? I overheard a conversation.
Well, maybe you overheard wrong.
If Jack doesn't know anything then Grace doesn't know anything, and if Grace doesn't know anything then Adrian doesn't know anything.
So Ben isn't talking to Adrian.
I didn't think he would.
Maybe he did talk to Adrian but Adrian didn't say anything to Grace, so Grace didn't say anything to Jack.
Oh, come on, she would say something.
You know how gossip flies in that circle.
Like wildfire? It's not funny.
Ben is so worried he wants to break up with me.
Oh! Yay! What? I mean, he's great for a starter boyfriend, but you cannot keep him as a real boyfriend.
He's a dork.
I beg your pardon.
He is not a dork.
Okay, he's not a dork.
He's a rich dork.
You can do better.
I don't want to do better, I love him.
Well, I can't keep dating Jack to get information.
I don't love him.
I don't love him at all.
I mean he's hot, not so hot he'd make a lab explode and burn down a school, but Okay, would you drop the fire references? Fine.
Can you just forget Ben? Forget him? Fine.
Marry him.
Then you can't testify against each other.
It's never going to get to that, to our testifying.
This is never going to go to court.
My father would never let that happen.
Hi.
I'll be right back.
Where are you going? To the bathroom.
No, you can't.
We have company.
So I'll just go home and go to the bathroom then.
You can't do that either.
Just stay in here.
I'll let you know when you can come out.
Cross your legs.
What is going on? Your boyfriend's father is in the kitchen.
Leo Boykewich is in our kitchen? That's the one.
He's talking to your father.
Mano a mano.
About what? You tell me.
Or you.
Uh, now, I really have to go.
Talk to you later, Dylan.
It's about that stupid fire, isn't it? Probably.
They sent me out of the room.
Mom! You should have stayed in the room and stood up for me! For Ben and me! We didn't do anything.
Of course not.
You're a very conscientious young lady.
I'm sure you left the school just as you found it.
We did! I swear! You didn't go in the lab for anything? We walked by it, we stuck our head in the door.
We didn't do anything that would cause an explosion.
If we did, I would tell you.
I know, you're pretty good about telling me things, except maybe about the pot.
You weren't smoking pot in there, were you, Dylan? Mom! At school? With all those cameras around? What about not at school where there are no cameras around, are you still smoking pot? No.
Where would I get pot? Mercedes' mother is dead, they don't give pot prescriptions to dead people.
It's such a shame about her mom.
How's Mercedes doing? Her and her dad aren't still smoking whatever pot was left? No.
There's no pot left.
They're going to counseling now.
And no one is smoking pot.
Not them.
Not Ben.
Not me.
I'll talk to Dylan and ask her about this alleged Bunsen burner business and if it's relevant to the investigation I'll let the police know.
Will you? I said I would.
Then I imagine, if you do that, then the police are going to want to talk to Ben.
I know that, so Are you sure this is something you want me to say now? If I give the police an excuse to blame this on our children, they might just do that.
Why don't we just let this play itself out, see how it goes.
Do you want Ben to go to prison for something he didn't do? He wouldn't last two minutes in prison.
Oh, and Dylan would? Dylan, I remind you, is not 18.
I believe your son is.
Then again, it could have been Dylan who started the fire and not Ben.
I seriously doubt Ben lit the Bunsen burner and roasted the marshmallows.
He doesn't cook.
Never has.
Yeah, but apparently he likes playing with matches.
He smokes pot.
Once.
That's what they all say.
No one gets caught the first time.
Almost no one.
If someone had eaten a rancid steak from Boykewich International, you'd know how to handle that, right? Well this is my territory, this is security.
I know what to do here.
We wait this out.
We do not have rancid steak at Boykewich International.
+ Ethan? It's Ethan, right? Yeah.
You're Ben? Ben Boykewich? That's your house? I thought you had money.
That's Adrian's parents' house and anyone who still has a house in this economy has money.
What are you doing out here? Oh.
Big pow wow with Ricky's mothers and Amy's mother and her dad.
His mother is my foster mother, Margaret.
She dragged me here, I'm not allowed to be home alone.
And what is this pow wow about? I don't know.
I begged her to let me stay out here, I can't take any more family dramas after what I've been through, you know.
Is Amy okay? Like I told you, I don't really know.
I think maybe she and Ricky eloped last night.
You think maybe they eloped? What? Yeah.
Maybe.
And that's why everyone is here? That's why everyone is here.
They're waiting for them to come by and get the kid and find out.
Kind of ambush them.
Or surprise them or something.
Something like? Are they having a reception or anything? A what? You know, like a party.
For when they get home from their stupid wedding.
(LAUGHS) You know what, I don't even know why I'm even asking you about it, none of my business.
I'll see you when school starts next week.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come on in! Hey, long time, no see.
How are you? I'm well thank you, and you? I'm well, thank you.
And you? You already asked me that.
And? And You look a little pale.
Sunscreen.
And I just heard that Amy and Ricky eloped.
No kidding.
Huh.
I kind of thought they might.
I didn't.
Well, uh, sit down.
Let's talk.
I, uh I don't know if this is, uh This is a good time to talk.
Ben! Ben! How's the gay life treating you? Fine.
How's Kathleen? Fine.
Please tell me that you didn't tell her that we think Amy and Ricky ran off and got married.
I didn't tell her that we think Amy and Ricky ran off and got married.
Good.
Because no one should know until we know.
We should be the first to know.
I doubt we'll be the first to know if they got married.
I'm sure Amy's going to tell Madison and Lauren before us.
She better not.
I don't know for sure she'll tell them, I'm just guessing.
Based on what you and I did.
You and I ran off and didn't get married.
We did the second time we ran off.
Yeah.
"Yeah.
" You didn't think it was so "yeah" when we got married.
You were excited about it.
Or so I thought.
Don't start, okay? Oop.
Somebody's up from their nap.
I'll go check on Robie.
Yeah, you should go check on Robie.
He's your kid too, you know.
Didn't you just leave Robie with me when you went gallivanting off in gay Paris? Shut up.
Nice.
Don't forget we have company.
Are they like that all the time? Pretty much.
Yeah.
Well, it's probably a good thing they are already divorced and living apart.
That constant bickering is not good for children.
I hope Amy is not going to be like that with our Ricky.
I know.
You know, I don't know if it's a good idea for John to be around George and Anne so often.
I mean, I'm going to talk to Ricky about leaving him with me more often.
Well, I can babysit John.
I do just fine with him.
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) As long as he's asleep.
I'm sure you do.
I'm just saying they should call on me more often.
Why? 'Cause you're better than me? (SIREN WAILING) Where's Ethan? In the car.
Did you crack the windows? + He fainted, he just fainted.
I don't think there's anything wrong with him.
He didn't even hit the ground hard, his knees buckled and he just crumpled onto the floor.
Did you call his dad? He doesn't want me to call his dad.
And he's over 18, so Yeah, call him after they wheel him out of here.
Are you sure you need to go to the hospital? Don't you want to just let this guy drive you home? I want to go to the hospital.
I'm in no condition to go home.
And my throat hurts, I can't talk anymore.
All right.
Maybe one of us should ride with him.
Yeah, one of us should.
You know, you go ahead.
I've got some things going on at the house.
Oh, yeah, I heard.
So, kids tied the knot, huh? That's what I heard.
I wish everyone would just mind their own business.
You'd have a better chance of shutting down the Internet.
What's Ben doing over here anyway? He and Adrian getting back together? Why should I mind my own business if no one else does? Come on.
Come on.
come on, come on, Grace! Pick up! (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hello, Adrian.
I hope you're having a blessed day.
What? Thank you for calling, but as I told you, I just think it's best if we're not friends, so I can't really talk right now.
Yeah, you can.
Amy and Ricky eloped.
Really? Did you get that from a reliable source? Uh, yeah, my dad.
Damn it, why am I Sorry.
I'm struggling to get back on the path, I strayed a little bit too far.
And for too long.
You're not going to play that religion card again, are you? 'Cause I know you.
And I know you get religious whenever it's convenient like Oh, my God! You think you're going to hell because we kissed? Is that why you're a Christian again? That might have something to do with it.
But also, I just realized how messed up my life was when I stopped giving myself over to a higher power.
(DISCONNECTS) (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hey, Grace.
GRACE: Hey, I have really big news.
Oh, good.
Because Raven's on her way over here and I love it when I have information that she wants.
So I'm supposed to give you information that you can barter for sex? Yeah.
Remember.
Judge not.
Fine.
Amy and Ricky eloped.
Oh, I know.
Tom told me.
She's not pregnant again, is she? 'Cause that would be big news.
And worth a lot.
Tom? Tom told you? Now Tom knows things before I do! (DISCONNECTS) I don't know if that Christian thing is going to stick.
How did you know that Amy and Ricky got married? I heard it from dad number three.
Kathleen said not to tell anyone because we didn't really know for sure.
I'm not just anyone! I'm your sister, Tom! And I'm your half-sister! I like the sound of half-sister.
It's like half-woman, half-man.
Half-sister, half-brother.
God help me, I want to slap both of you! I'll slap you.
I am not a Christian.
Well, I'm not half-man, half-woman.
It sounds like you're making some sort of bad joke about some of the members of the LGBTQ community.
No.
I'm making a joke about you personally.
I don't know who those people are, you said you were a half.
Wait.
Is there a Christian in this house? Hello.
I am.
Really? The church here must be very different than the one in South Africa.
Well, I just became a Christian again.
I am renewing my faith.
Jack told me.
What else did he tell you? Wouldn't you like to know.
So are you going to go to church and stuff like that? Yeah, and stuff like that.
And all of us used to go to church.
Even our dad.
Again, the church here must be very different than ours.
Judge not.
Oh no, we're free to judge you and everyone else.
Because we're not Christians, and this is America, damn it.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS) This just in.
Ben Boykewich had a heart attack or a brain aneurysm and is being taken by ambulance to the hospital.
He was at Adrian's house talking to her father when he collapsed.
Wait, this is on the news? My phone.
Ethan saw the whole thing.
He texted me.
Lord, we pray that Ethan is lying and that Ben is okay.
We? Who's we, Half-Christian, half-man, half-woman? Well, you're the one who called yourself half-sister.
Up until then I thought of you as my whole sister.
I'll get the door, I'll get the door.
(GROANS) That's Margaret's car.
And that's your mother's car, so I guess they're all still here.
So just take a deep breath and Hey, where you been? You missed it.
Missed what? The ambulance just left with Ben in it.
What? Yeah, they brought him out of Adrian's house on one of those stretcher things.
What happened? He went into toxic shock following a brain aneurysm or heart attack or something.
Toxic shock? Do you even know what that is? Yeah, it's like when your whole body is poisoned by bad news.
What bad news? I guess that you two got married.
+ They're here! Don't say anything, not until everyone is in here.
Hello my son and my daughter.
I said don't say anything! We have to get Anne.
Anne is very sensitive about being left out.
Then get her.
Someone, please, get Anne.
I am dying to hear the announcement.
Where is she? She's talking to Ashley.
We are so happy for you.
Thank you, Margaret.
I thought we weren't saying anything.
I just said I'm happy for you.
I was talking to Amy.
Well, I'm gonna say what I want to say when I want to say it.
Then fine, just tell us.
I think we should wait.
And before you say anything Amy, I'm not going to say what I don't want to say when I don't want to say it.
You're having sex with Toby? Yeah.
Never mind that now, Ricky and Amy are home.
Well, Ricky and Amy can wait.
They've kept us waiting all day.
Right now I want to talk to Ashley.
There's really nothing more to talk about.
I'm on the pill, we use condoms, and we're in love as much as anyone else.
But I thought you were going to wait.
Yeah, so? I thought you were straight.
Things change.
Don't do that.
Don't use whatever your mother is going through as your excuse to do what you're doing.
If you think you're doing the right thing then you don't need an excuse.
But I suspect you don't think you're doing the right thing, which is why Toby came and talked to me and not you.
Well, no one talked to me.
Why didn't you talk to me about it? I thought we could talk about anything.
Is it because I'm gay? You don't want to talk to me about sex now because I'm gay? I didn't say that.
I just said that things change.
I just decided that I wanted to have sex with Toby, so I did.
Why? I just felt like it.
ANNE: But I thought you two were friends and that you wanted to wait until you were in love and it would really mean something.
Hello.
I said I've changed my mind.
He's a nice guy, Ashley, but you're too young.
You're too young to be out of high school, you're too young to be out on the road, traveling all over the country, you're too young to have all the freedom you have.
Okay before you say anything else Ashley, do you remember that cooking school you applied to in Italy? Yeah? No! You got accepted.
No, you can't go to Italy.
You don't have any money.
And you're not giving her any.
Toby would love Italy.
I told you that I would talk to you if she got in.
Why didn't you tell me about Toby? Because there were other things going on.
You and your girlfriends have been busy all day guessing whether or not Amy and Ricky are married.
Okay, well, let's go find out, we can talk about Ashley later.
I want to talk about her now.
Now I don't feel like it.
Do we always have to do what you want to do? What is taking so long? I think I know but I can't say.
What can't you say? Uh, I can't say.
Why would you say you can't say so we all know you know something? You know something.
I can't say.
All righty, well, I'm going to call the hospital while we're waiting and see how Ben is.
Uh, this would be an awkward time to be calling Ben, don't you think? Don't you want to know if he's okay? Do you? Do you want to know if he's okay? Yeah.
I kind of want to knowow.
I mean a brain aneurysm or a heart attack, they're both pretty serious.
He fainted.
He fainted? And they took him to the hospital? Well, that's not what Ethan said.
Well, Ethan is not always a reliable source of information.
Is he still sitting in the car? If he hasn't sold it.
Why couldn't you just leave him at home? Alone in my house? What would be the lesson in that? The lesson in this is that since he can't be trusted, he goes everywhere with me.
Where's Dad? Shouldn't he be here? Should he? He's at a medical convention.
And he's waiting to hear from me.
And I can't wait much longer to hear the big news from you.
Come on, just tell us.
We'll act surprised when you tell Anne and George.
Nice, Nora.
Okay, can we do this now? Where's Ashley? Oh, come on, we're not going to wait for Ashley.
Ashley and Toby are They're sleeping together.
Right now? Not right now.
Geez.
I thought she had been having sex with Toby for a long time.
Please, can you discuss Ashley and Toby some other time? We have been waiting all day.
Speak! No.
First, I want to speak.
Do you have to? Thursday night, I offered to babysit John if Ricky and Amy wanted to go get married.
And I offered to pay for that.
For them to elope, stay in a hotel, whatever they wanted to do.
Ow! You knew this? No, I knew the other thing.
You knew about Ashley and Toby? I'm sorry.
All right, time for Amy and me to say what we have to say.
No, I'm not done yet.
I don't want anyone to say anything to either one of you about doing the right thing.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you both.
I was proud of you, Amy, when you went right back to school after John was born and you caught up with all your classes and you took that job at the nursery and when you took responsibility for raising your son.
You're a good mother.
And Ricky, I never thought I'd be saying this to you, but you're a good father.
And a good man.
Lot of men in your situation not only don't take care of the kid, they don't take care of the mother who's taking care of the kid.
We've always loved you, Amy, even when you got pregnant, we still loved you.
And we love you now.
Aw, Dad, I love you too.
I'm not done here.
We love you, Ricky.
And we love your son and our grandson.
We're family.
All of us here are family.
And as coo coo a family as we are, we love each other.
Yeah, Margaret, I even love you.
And you, Nora.
And Anne.
And as much as we've all screwed up, we still managed to make a couple of good human beings, and that's as much as any parent can hope for.
Thank you.
The end.
Yeah, the end.
Maybe we'd all like to say something, too.
I don't want anyone saying anything to these two brave people.
Amy and Ricky, it takes guts to make a commitment, even if you did it in secret.
So we missed the wedding, so what? This is not about us, it's about them, Ricky and Amy.
And I'm sorry if you think I did the wrong thing, but I don't.
My Amy deserves to be married, she deserves to have a husband and John deserves to have married parents.
So We got married.
+ Ashley, where were you? Come in the house.
Ricky and Amy just told us they got married.
No, you go.
I don't really feel like it.
(SIGHS) Well I don't either, but we should be in there celebrating.
Celebrating that she's married and she's a senior in high school? Mom, really.
I don't like her that much but I hate to see her married in high school.
I do, too! If they were going to get married, I think they should have at least waited until they were out of high school, or college even.
So she has a baby, so what? Doesn't mean she has to be married.
No one has to be married.
I should have been there.
Mimsy wasn't at your wedding.
Yeah, and looking at her now, all the things I could have done better, all the times I could have been nicer, not having her at my wedding is at the top of the list.
No offense, but you couldn't have fixed that by taking her to Amy's wedding.
I know that.
But I know now how she felt being left out of mine.
Why didn't you have her at your wedding? I don't know, we were pregnant, then we ran off and didn't get married and lied about it.
When we finally made good on it, we couldn't go back and tell her that we'd lied and take her with us.
Why not? Because no one wants to tell their parents they lied about something like that.
Tell her now.
She doesn't even know who I am now.
Well, hey, none of us knew who you were until a week ago.
It's all going to be all right, Mom.
Especially if I go to cooking school in Italy.
Ashley, if you do go to cooking school in Italy, why don't you go by yourself? I don't mean live by yourself, but just go over and live with a family or maybe get an apartment with another girl who's going to school there.
But I think Toby is going to want to go.
Really? Toby is going to want to follow you to Italy to cooking school? Well, yeah.
I just slept with him.
Well, that was a nice little speech George made.
Yeah, who knew George was capable of telling you he loves you? Yeah, that was sweet.
But what he said to you and Amy was even sweeter.
Aw, Ricky.
You're married.
How does it feel? I don't know, it feels just like not being married.
Hey, are you going to have a reception? A what? Well, you got to have some kind of party.
I think that was the point in eloping.
Not having any kind of party.
I know, but I don't think Anne is happy.
Yeah, well, George is happy enough for the both of them.
You know, Anne'll get over it, she's just in a vulnerable place right now.
And if she doesn't get over it, maybe you and Amy could have a big formal wedding, you know where everyone can come.
What? That would be a complete waste of money.
I know, but Anne's going to think you didn't have a wedding because you don't want her there because she's gay.
Did she say that? Yeah.
Well, that's not the reason.
What happened to the fourth of July? I don't know, this was spur of the moment, it was fun.
George didn't push you into this, did he? No, no, he didn't.
Amy told me she wanted to elope and she hinted that to George and he jumped on it.
So this was Amy's idea.
Doesn't matter.
BOTH: Yes, it does.
I'm just glad the guy finally made an honest woman out of you.
Dad, that's not politically correct.
But thanks, I guess.
Look I, uh I feel bad that everyone isn't quite on board, but that's how it goes.
And your mother will get over it.
I think she thinks you didn't have a wedding because you didn't want her to bring a date or something crazy like that.
Maybe I didn't want you to bring a date.
Really? You don't like Kathleen? No, no, I like her, but Dad, honestly, a wedding? With Mom and her date and you and your date, no matter who either of you bring, it would just be awkward.
And then there's my group of friends, Ben and his new girlfriend, Adrian and whoever she's with, Grace and Jack and Jack and Madison and (SCOFFS) I just started thinking about it and my wedding should be about me and my date.
And it was.
Yeah.
I'm very proud of you.
And Ricky.
Thanks.
And thank you for saying all those nice things about us.
Meant every word I said.
And here's something I didn't say.
Being a teenage mother is still frowned upon in this country.
People accept that it happens but people judge everyone involved when it happens.
People look at you, they see the kid, they see you don't have a ring on your finger, they judge you, and they judge Ricky, and they feel sorry for John.
And as your father, that hurts me.
And this doesn't take away any of the indignities you've suffered over the past few years, but it makes life better, for you and your husband and your family and our family.
Aw, Dad, I know.
And I know that I have caused you a lot of trouble and a lot of heartache, but But today is a new day.
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life, Mrs.
Underwood.
(CHUCKLING) Let's go.
The doctor said there's nothing wrong with you.
Not buying it, Ben.
I don't feel very well.
I collapsed.
At what point in the conversation did you collapse? Before or after a confession? We didn't really talk.
Yeah.
You're good at that, at not talking.
And I don't want to talk to you here, where we might be overheard, I want to talk to you at home.
I went to see Dylan's father today.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
No kidding around, Benjamin, let's get out of here.
We were in the lab.
We lit the Bunsen burner.
We roasted marshmallows and made s'mores.
With peanut butter and then we left.
Then Amy married Ricky, and now I'm going to jail.
These walls are sheets, let's go home.
I can't either.
We're on our honeymoon.
Kind of.
We eloped.
Just because we're no longer roommates and we're not going to the same school doesn't mean we aren't friends.
You and I are really going our separate ways.
You're not just here to say goodbye, you're here to say you don't want to be friends with me.
You and I both know we were in the lab with a Bunsen burner that we probably left burning when we left.
I doubt it.
Did you and Dylan have something to do with that fire at her school? Absolutely not.
Where are Amy and Ricky? They're not here, that's where they are.
What if you and Anne and Margaret and Shakur and I missed seeing those two get married? You remember that girl that I made out with at the party? What about her? I've kind of been out with her.
Whose feet are those? They're mine, sir.
I'm sure if Ben had something to do with that fire, it was an accident.
I have to tell my dad what happened.
I think I recall your dad telling you that if you got into any trouble with me, you're on your own.
I told Ricky and Amy I'd babysit if they wanted to go elope.
I even paid for the hotel.
If I'd known you were all going to be here, I would have picked up some eye of newt.
Bye-bye.
Hey If Amy and Ricky got married, I am really going to be upset with you.
Why? Why me? Be upset with them if you want to be upset with anyone, although I don't know why you'd be upset.
You and your kitchen mates.
Because we're their mothers.
Oh.
Hey, Ashley.
I missed you this week, I got used to seeing you every day.
Aren't you going to say anything? Like? Like good morning.
Oh, yeah.
Good morning.
You just kind of took me by surprise.
I thought Dad told you that I couldn't go to your condo this weekend.
Oh, he did tell me.
In a text.
And if you'd rather stay here and hang out with Toby, I totally understand, we were gone for a long time and I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do.
I know friends are important, too.
Toby? Who said anything about Toby? Stay on topic.
Uh, what is the topic exactly? Does she know that Ricky and Amy might have eloped? I don't know.
Do you? No.
I don't know, and I don't care.
Really? You don't know anything? No, they wouldn't tell me any big secrets like that.
Well, Amy told you before us that she was pregnant.
True.
But that was bad news.
This is what Amy would consider good news.
Well, I don't know if consider it good news or not.
I really wanted to be at her wedding.
Since this doesn't really involve me I'll just be in my room.
Nah.
I think you've been in your room enough.
Where else am I going to go? I can't drive.
Maybe if you buy me a car, I can get out more.
Me? Oh, no.
Maybe your mother's next girlfriend will buy you one.
That's how things are done in this family.
Oh, ha ha.
Ashley's up.
She doesn't know anything.
How would she? She's always in her room.
We have to get her out of her room.
All I know is, I want to be here when Amy and Ricky get home.
That's my son.
I raised him.
Well, I hatched him.
Try staying off drugs for nine months when you're an addict.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean any offense.
And not doing drugs is hardly a sacrifice.
I believe money from the state was involved during foster care, wasn't it? Like that covered his expenses? And that stopped when we adopted him.
And my husband is a heart surgeon.
So don't go there.
I think what we're all saying is that we've all sacrificed a lot for Ricky and Amy and we love them and we should have been a part of any wedding that took place.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love Wait.
Both Ricky's and your mother? Oh, my God! Is it an intervention? Are we going to talk to them or something? Oh, no.
call my mother, are they? I don't think my mother even knows.
I don't think my dad told her.
Did you tell your mother? No.
Why would You're the girl.
? There are two of us in this relationship.
Relationship.
I like that.
But guys never tell anyone.
Unless someone gets pregnant or disease or something.
I told my dad, I think you should tell your mom.
If my mom walks out on then I'll tell her.
That would make us even.
Not telling her for no reason.
She thinks we're best friends, that's why she doesn't care if I stay over here.
I don't want to get her all involved.
Wait.
Did your dad say anything to your mom or not? Does your mom know? I don't think she does, no, and I don't think he'll tell her.
He's pretty good at keeping secrets.
Is he? Yeah, he is.
Are you sure about that? He just doesn't seem something like this secret.
You don't even know him.
I got to know him last night.
better Did you know that he lies? He's a very good liar.
Well, not good really.
Just frequent.
He lies.
My sister lies.
And I lie.
No, no, you all just have secrets.
Secrets sounds better than lies.
And what secret are you keeping? Or what lie are you telling? Me? Yeah.
You.
I'm not lying when I say I love you.
I'm going to get out of here while I can.
I'll text you.
What time is it? Mmm.
It's almost 11.
We have to go, kids and your dad are in the kitchen with those three women all day.
(SIGHS) No, we can.
(CHUCKLES) He says to take our time.
And maybe if we wait long enough, they'll all go get waxed or something.
(LAUGHS) I love my dad.
He's so funny.
Yeah, well, he's also so So We should go.
No, we haven't slept in since we had John.
You've slept in, you were in New York for six weeks.
You slept in when you were with me in New York.
We stayed up all night.
Oh.
Right.
(CHUCKLES) Well, come on.
We'll probably never have a room like this again and we don't have to leave, not yet.
All right, we'll stay, if that's what you want.
That's what I want.
It's just that I'm not ready to go back to my house and confront everyone.
Part of the reason I wanted to elope was because I'm tired of everyone being involved in our business.
Yeah, well, look at it as that's the price you pay for being in a family.
Yeah.
But we should make our own decisions.
Well, since the first decision we made together led to our having John, there's probably more involvement than there would have been if things had gone differently.
Yeah, well, if things had gone differently, then I doubt we'd be here.
We might.
And that's not the point.
The point is I love you, Amy.
And I love John.
And I really do want to be with you for the rest of our lives.
I know.
And I love you too.
It's just since we made that first decision by ourselves, we've grown up a lot and I'd like us to make all our decisions from this point on by ourselves without any of our parents being involved.
This was your father's idea.
Hey, and mine too! I was the one who said we should run off.
Yeah, but he's the one who kind of made it happen.
It's not always a bad thing to have our parents involved.
I just don't like the idea of our mothers sitting around the kitchen table talking about us and I feel like we're being called into the principal's office.
Well, maybe they'll be happy when we tell them what we did.
Believe me, then they're just going to want to plan a big wedding that everyone can come to.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
Hey, Ben.
Adrian! What are you doing here? Well, hello to you too.
I'm sorry, you just startled me.
You are the nervous type.
Am I? I like to think of myself more as the responsible type than the nervous type.
My dad came over to see me last night, he brought me flowers for my graduation.
Oh? Oh, no.
Did I miss your graduation? It wasn't a real graduation.
I just got handed a diploma in the counselor's office.
And that was it.
Congratulations.
And if I had known, I would have done something for you.
(SCOFFS) It's just high school.
I'll be going to college, it's not that big a deal.
Did you come by for something in particular? Not really.
Grace broke up with me.
Well, not that we were together together, but she dumped me as a friend and I just felt like hanging out with someone.
Hmm.
Well, where's that guy, Omar? He broke up with me, too.
I could get him back, but Meh.
I felt more like hanging out with a friend.
And you're my friend.
And just my friend.
I'm your ex-husband, I think I'm a little more than just a friend.
Ben, did you go to my father and ask him to talk to me? About what? No.
You didn't ask him to maybe talk to me about maybe getting back together or something? No.
Why would I do that? I'm with Dylan now.
(SCOFFS) You can't be serious about that girl.
She's not for you.
She's not your type.
Did my dad come to you and ask you to talk to me? No.
Well, you're not my type either but we were married.
And now we're divorced and now we're friends.
Let's go back to what your dad said.
What exactly did he say to you that made you think I would want to see you again, as more than a friend? He just thinks you're a nice guy.
He thinks you're too nice to be with that pot smoker.
What! How does he know about that? How does he know anything about Dylan and me? I might have mentioned it.
Adrian! It was a long time ago.
And he's my dad and we talk.
Sometimes.
Look, he just thinks a lot of you and the way you handled everything we went through, and well, he kind of misses you.
He misses me? Yeah.
He said you should come around sometime.
To his office or home? Doesn't matter.
The important thing is that you two are not trying to get me to go back with you.
Yeah, that's really the important thing.
He said he misses me? Yeah.
And he wants me to come around sometime? Is that he wants me to come around if I want to come around, or he's expecting me to come around? I don't know.
What's wrong with you? I'm trying to be nice here and you're being all weird.
Nothing is wrong with me.
I'll go see him.
Good.
Go see him.
He said he'll be around all day today.
+ Ben's father is here! Why? I don't know! He didn't say? I didn't let him in.
He's knocking on the door.
We could hide.
Okay.
I'll get it.
Coming.
Mind if I come in? No, not at all.
After all, we just showed up at your house.
But just that one time.
Or maybe it was twice.
Do you like cinnamon streusel pound cake? I just made one.
I'll take it to go.
Oh.
All right.
I'm joking.
I just want to talk to the two of you.
Sure.
Sit down.
I know what this is about.
I don't.
Then maybe you shouldn't involve yourself.
Well, if it's about my daughter, I want to be involved.
You know what? Why don't you talk to Dylan while I talk to Leo.
Why would I do that? I can talk to Dylan after the three of us talk.
Please.
Really? Really.
It's business.
It's business that I imagine involves my business.
You know what, I don't even want to be here.
So what do you know about the fire? I like the direct approach.
I know all anyone can know.
The fire started in the lab and caused an explosion.
No one was hurt because no one was in the building at the time.
The guard was where he was supposed to be, outside.
And the kids had come by hours earlier.
There is nothing linking either of them to that fire.
So go home and don't worry about it.
Whenever people tell me not to be worried about something, I get worried.
Yeah, your son's a worrier, too.
Were they in the lab? They were all over the school, she gave him a tour.
No one is accusing them of anything, it's not being treated as arson.
What were they doing in the lab? Who knows? There are no cameras.
The cameras are at t entrances, they don't have cameras in each classroom.
If they did, I'd be a wealthier man.
They were roasting marshmallows over a Bunsen burner.
What? Yeah.
And an hour later, boom, the lab blows up and the school burns down.
And you're not worried.
Why is that? Because how do you know they were roasting marshmallows over a Bunsen burner? I overheard a conversation.
Well, maybe you overheard wrong.
If Jack doesn't know anything then Grace doesn't know anything, and if Grace doesn't know anything then Adrian doesn't know anything.
So Ben isn't talking to Adrian.
I didn't think he would.
Maybe he did talk to Adrian but Adrian didn't say anything to Grace, so Grace didn't say anything to Jack.
Oh, come on, she would say something.
You know how gossip flies in that circle.
Like wildfire? It's not funny.
Ben is so worried he wants to break up with me.
Oh! Yay! What? I mean, he's great for a starter boyfriend, but you cannot keep him as a real boyfriend.
He's a dork.
I beg your pardon.
He is not a dork.
Okay, he's not a dork.
He's a rich dork.
You can do better.
I don't want to do better, I love him.
Well, I can't keep dating Jack to get information.
I don't love him.
I don't love him at all.
I mean he's hot, not so hot he'd make a lab explode and burn down a school, but Okay, would you drop the fire references? Fine.
Can you just forget Ben? Forget him? Fine.
Marry him.
Then you can't testify against each other.
It's never going to get to that, to our testifying.
This is never going to go to court.
My father would never let that happen.
Hi.
I'll be right back.
Where are you going? To the bathroom.
No, you can't.
We have company.
So I'll just go home and go to the bathroom then.
You can't do that either.
Just stay in here.
I'll let you know when you can come out.
Cross your legs.
What is going on? Your boyfriend's father is in the kitchen.
Leo Boykewich is in our kitchen? That's the one.
He's talking to your father.
Mano a mano.
About what? You tell me.
Or you.
Uh, now, I really have to go.
Talk to you later, Dylan.
It's about that stupid fire, isn't it? Probably.
They sent me out of the room.
Mom! You should have stayed in the room and stood up for me! For Ben and me! We didn't do anything.
Of course not.
You're a very conscientious young lady.
I'm sure you left the school just as you found it.
We did! I swear! You didn't go in the lab for anything? We walked by it, we stuck our head in the door.
We didn't do anything that would cause an explosion.
If we did, I would tell you.
I know, you're pretty good about telling me things, except maybe about the pot.
You weren't smoking pot in there, were you, Dylan? Mom! At school? With all those cameras around? What about not at school where there are no cameras around, are you still smoking pot? No.
Where would I get pot? Mercedes' mother is dead, they don't give pot prescriptions to dead people.
It's such a shame about her mom.
How's Mercedes doing? Her and her dad aren't still smoking whatever pot was left? No.
There's no pot left.
They're going to counseling now.
And no one is smoking pot.
Not them.
Not Ben.
Not me.
I'll talk to Dylan and ask her about this alleged Bunsen burner business and if it's relevant to the investigation I'll let the police know.
Will you? I said I would.
Then I imagine, if you do that, then the police are going to want to talk to Ben.
I know that, so Are you sure this is something you want me to say now? If I give the police an excuse to blame this on our children, they might just do that.
Why don't we just let this play itself out, see how it goes.
Do you want Ben to go to prison for something he didn't do? He wouldn't last two minutes in prison.
Oh, and Dylan would? Dylan, I remind you, is not 18.
I believe your son is.
Then again, it could have been Dylan who started the fire and not Ben.
I seriously doubt Ben lit the Bunsen burner and roasted the marshmallows.
He doesn't cook.
Never has.
Yeah, but apparently he likes playing with matches.
He smokes pot.
Once.
That's what they all say.
No one gets caught the first time.
Almost no one.
If someone had eaten a rancid steak from Boykewich International, you'd know how to handle that, right? Well this is my territory, this is security.
I know what to do here.
We wait this out.
We do not have rancid steak at Boykewich International.
+ Ethan? It's Ethan, right? Yeah.
You're Ben? Ben Boykewich? That's your house? I thought you had money.
That's Adrian's parents' house and anyone who still has a house in this economy has money.
What are you doing out here? Oh.
Big pow wow with Ricky's mothers and Amy's mother and her dad.
His mother is my foster mother, Margaret.
She dragged me here, I'm not allowed to be home alone.
And what is this pow wow about? I don't know.
I begged her to let me stay out here, I can't take any more family dramas after what I've been through, you know.
Is Amy okay? Like I told you, I don't really know.
I think maybe she and Ricky eloped last night.
You think maybe they eloped? What? Yeah.
Maybe.
And that's why everyone is here? That's why everyone is here.
They're waiting for them to come by and get the kid and find out.
Kind of ambush them.
Or surprise them or something.
Something like? Are they having a reception or anything? A what? You know, like a party.
For when they get home from their stupid wedding.
(LAUGHS) You know what, I don't even know why I'm even asking you about it, none of my business.
I'll see you when school starts next week.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come on in! Hey, long time, no see.
How are you? I'm well thank you, and you? I'm well, thank you.
And you? You already asked me that.
And? And You look a little pale.
Sunscreen.
And I just heard that Amy and Ricky eloped.
No kidding.
Huh.
I kind of thought they might.
I didn't.
Well, uh, sit down.
Let's talk.
I, uh I don't know if this is, uh This is a good time to talk.
Ben! Ben! How's the gay life treating you? Fine.
How's Kathleen? Fine.
Please tell me that you didn't tell her that we think Amy and Ricky ran off and got married.
I didn't tell her that we think Amy and Ricky ran off and got married.
Good.
Because no one should know until we know.
We should be the first to know.
I doubt we'll be the first to know if they got married.
I'm sure Amy's going to tell Madison and Lauren before us.
She better not.
I don't know for sure she'll tell them, I'm just guessing.
Based on what you and I did.
You and I ran off and didn't get married.
We did the second time we ran off.
Yeah.
"Yeah.
" You didn't think it was so "yeah" when we got married.
You were excited about it.
Or so I thought.
Don't start, okay? Oop.
Somebody's up from their nap.
I'll go check on Robie.
Yeah, you should go check on Robie.
He's your kid too, you know.
Didn't you just leave Robie with me when you went gallivanting off in gay Paris? Shut up.
Nice.
Don't forget we have company.
Are they like that all the time? Pretty much.
Yeah.
Well, it's probably a good thing they are already divorced and living apart.
That constant bickering is not good for children.
I hope Amy is not going to be like that with our Ricky.
I know.
You know, I don't know if it's a good idea for John to be around George and Anne so often.
I mean, I'm going to talk to Ricky about leaving him with me more often.
Well, I can babysit John.
I do just fine with him.
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) As long as he's asleep.
I'm sure you do.
I'm just saying they should call on me more often.
Why? 'Cause you're better than me? (SIREN WAILING) Where's Ethan? In the car.
Did you crack the windows? + He fainted, he just fainted.
I don't think there's anything wrong with him.
He didn't even hit the ground hard, his knees buckled and he just crumpled onto the floor.
Did you call his dad? He doesn't want me to call his dad.
And he's over 18, so Yeah, call him after they wheel him out of here.
Are you sure you need to go to the hospital? Don't you want to just let this guy drive you home? I want to go to the hospital.
I'm in no condition to go home.
And my throat hurts, I can't talk anymore.
All right.
Maybe one of us should ride with him.
Yeah, one of us should.
You know, you go ahead.
I've got some things going on at the house.
Oh, yeah, I heard.
So, kids tied the knot, huh? That's what I heard.
I wish everyone would just mind their own business.
You'd have a better chance of shutting down the Internet.
What's Ben doing over here anyway? He and Adrian getting back together? Why should I mind my own business if no one else does? Come on.
Come on.
come on, come on, Grace! Pick up! (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hello, Adrian.
I hope you're having a blessed day.
What? Thank you for calling, but as I told you, I just think it's best if we're not friends, so I can't really talk right now.
Yeah, you can.
Amy and Ricky eloped.
Really? Did you get that from a reliable source? Uh, yeah, my dad.
Damn it, why am I Sorry.
I'm struggling to get back on the path, I strayed a little bit too far.
And for too long.
You're not going to play that religion card again, are you? 'Cause I know you.
And I know you get religious whenever it's convenient like Oh, my God! You think you're going to hell because we kissed? Is that why you're a Christian again? That might have something to do with it.
But also, I just realized how messed up my life was when I stopped giving myself over to a higher power.
(DISCONNECTS) (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hey, Grace.
GRACE: Hey, I have really big news.
Oh, good.
Because Raven's on her way over here and I love it when I have information that she wants.
So I'm supposed to give you information that you can barter for sex? Yeah.
Remember.
Judge not.
Fine.
Amy and Ricky eloped.
Oh, I know.
Tom told me.
She's not pregnant again, is she? 'Cause that would be big news.
And worth a lot.
Tom? Tom told you? Now Tom knows things before I do! (DISCONNECTS) I don't know if that Christian thing is going to stick.
How did you know that Amy and Ricky got married? I heard it from dad number three.
Kathleen said not to tell anyone because we didn't really know for sure.
I'm not just anyone! I'm your sister, Tom! And I'm your half-sister! I like the sound of half-sister.
It's like half-woman, half-man.
Half-sister, half-brother.
God help me, I want to slap both of you! I'll slap you.
I am not a Christian.
Well, I'm not half-man, half-woman.
It sounds like you're making some sort of bad joke about some of the members of the LGBTQ community.
No.
I'm making a joke about you personally.
I don't know who those people are, you said you were a half.
Wait.
Is there a Christian in this house? Hello.
I am.
Really? The church here must be very different than the one in South Africa.
Well, I just became a Christian again.
I am renewing my faith.
Jack told me.
What else did he tell you? Wouldn't you like to know.
So are you going to go to church and stuff like that? Yeah, and stuff like that.
And all of us used to go to church.
Even our dad.
Again, the church here must be very different than ours.
Judge not.
Oh no, we're free to judge you and everyone else.
Because we're not Christians, and this is America, damn it.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS) This just in.
Ben Boykewich had a heart attack or a brain aneurysm and is being taken by ambulance to the hospital.
He was at Adrian's house talking to her father when he collapsed.
Wait, this is on the news? My phone.
Ethan saw the whole thing.
He texted me.
Lord, we pray that Ethan is lying and that Ben is okay.
We? Who's we, Half-Christian, half-man, half-woman? Well, you're the one who called yourself half-sister.
Up until then I thought of you as my whole sister.
I'll get the door, I'll get the door.
(GROANS) That's Margaret's car.
And that's your mother's car, so I guess they're all still here.
So just take a deep breath and Hey, where you been? You missed it.
Missed what? The ambulance just left with Ben in it.
What? Yeah, they brought him out of Adrian's house on one of those stretcher things.
What happened? He went into toxic shock following a brain aneurysm or heart attack or something.
Toxic shock? Do you even know what that is? Yeah, it's like when your whole body is poisoned by bad news.
What bad news? I guess that you two got married.
+ They're here! Don't say anything, not until everyone is in here.
Hello my son and my daughter.
I said don't say anything! We have to get Anne.
Anne is very sensitive about being left out.
Then get her.
Someone, please, get Anne.
I am dying to hear the announcement.
Where is she? She's talking to Ashley.
We are so happy for you.
Thank you, Margaret.
I thought we weren't saying anything.
I just said I'm happy for you.
I was talking to Amy.
Well, I'm gonna say what I want to say when I want to say it.
Then fine, just tell us.
I think we should wait.
And before you say anything Amy, I'm not going to say what I don't want to say when I don't want to say it.
You're having sex with Toby? Yeah.
Never mind that now, Ricky and Amy are home.
Well, Ricky and Amy can wait.
They've kept us waiting all day.
Right now I want to talk to Ashley.
There's really nothing more to talk about.
I'm on the pill, we use condoms, and we're in love as much as anyone else.
But I thought you were going to wait.
Yeah, so? I thought you were straight.
Things change.
Don't do that.
Don't use whatever your mother is going through as your excuse to do what you're doing.
If you think you're doing the right thing then you don't need an excuse.
But I suspect you don't think you're doing the right thing, which is why Toby came and talked to me and not you.
Well, no one talked to me.
Why didn't you talk to me about it? I thought we could talk about anything.
Is it because I'm gay? You don't want to talk to me about sex now because I'm gay? I didn't say that.
I just said that things change.
I just decided that I wanted to have sex with Toby, so I did.
Why? I just felt like it.
ANNE: But I thought you two were friends and that you wanted to wait until you were in love and it would really mean something.
Hello.
I said I've changed my mind.
He's a nice guy, Ashley, but you're too young.
You're too young to be out of high school, you're too young to be out on the road, traveling all over the country, you're too young to have all the freedom you have.
Okay before you say anything else Ashley, do you remember that cooking school you applied to in Italy? Yeah? No! You got accepted.
No, you can't go to Italy.
You don't have any money.
And you're not giving her any.
Toby would love Italy.
I told you that I would talk to you if she got in.
Why didn't you tell me about Toby? Because there were other things going on.
You and your girlfriends have been busy all day guessing whether or not Amy and Ricky are married.
Okay, well, let's go find out, we can talk about Ashley later.
I want to talk about her now.
Now I don't feel like it.
Do we always have to do what you want to do? What is taking so long? I think I know but I can't say.
What can't you say? Uh, I can't say.
Why would you say you can't say so we all know you know something? You know something.
I can't say.
All righty, well, I'm going to call the hospital while we're waiting and see how Ben is.
Uh, this would be an awkward time to be calling Ben, don't you think? Don't you want to know if he's okay? Do you? Do you want to know if he's okay? Yeah.
I kind of want to knowow.
I mean a brain aneurysm or a heart attack, they're both pretty serious.
He fainted.
He fainted? And they took him to the hospital? Well, that's not what Ethan said.
Well, Ethan is not always a reliable source of information.
Is he still sitting in the car? If he hasn't sold it.
Why couldn't you just leave him at home? Alone in my house? What would be the lesson in that? The lesson in this is that since he can't be trusted, he goes everywhere with me.
Where's Dad? Shouldn't he be here? Should he? He's at a medical convention.
And he's waiting to hear from me.
And I can't wait much longer to hear the big news from you.
Come on, just tell us.
We'll act surprised when you tell Anne and George.
Nice, Nora.
Okay, can we do this now? Where's Ashley? Oh, come on, we're not going to wait for Ashley.
Ashley and Toby are They're sleeping together.
Right now? Not right now.
Geez.
I thought she had been having sex with Toby for a long time.
Please, can you discuss Ashley and Toby some other time? We have been waiting all day.
Speak! No.
First, I want to speak.
Do you have to? Thursday night, I offered to babysit John if Ricky and Amy wanted to go get married.
And I offered to pay for that.
For them to elope, stay in a hotel, whatever they wanted to do.
Ow! You knew this? No, I knew the other thing.
You knew about Ashley and Toby? I'm sorry.
All right, time for Amy and me to say what we have to say.
No, I'm not done yet.
I don't want anyone to say anything to either one of you about doing the right thing.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you both.
I was proud of you, Amy, when you went right back to school after John was born and you caught up with all your classes and you took that job at the nursery and when you took responsibility for raising your son.
You're a good mother.
And Ricky, I never thought I'd be saying this to you, but you're a good father.
And a good man.
Lot of men in your situation not only don't take care of the kid, they don't take care of the mother who's taking care of the kid.
We've always loved you, Amy, even when you got pregnant, we still loved you.
And we love you now.
Aw, Dad, I love you too.
I'm not done here.
We love you, Ricky.
And we love your son and our grandson.
We're family.
All of us here are family.
And as coo coo a family as we are, we love each other.
Yeah, Margaret, I even love you.
And you, Nora.
And Anne.
And as much as we've all screwed up, we still managed to make a couple of good human beings, and that's as much as any parent can hope for.
Thank you.
The end.
Yeah, the end.
Maybe we'd all like to say something, too.
I don't want anyone saying anything to these two brave people.
Amy and Ricky, it takes guts to make a commitment, even if you did it in secret.
So we missed the wedding, so what? This is not about us, it's about them, Ricky and Amy.
And I'm sorry if you think I did the wrong thing, but I don't.
My Amy deserves to be married, she deserves to have a husband and John deserves to have married parents.
So We got married.
+ Ashley, where were you? Come in the house.
Ricky and Amy just told us they got married.
No, you go.
I don't really feel like it.
(SIGHS) Well I don't either, but we should be in there celebrating.
Celebrating that she's married and she's a senior in high school? Mom, really.
I don't like her that much but I hate to see her married in high school.
I do, too! If they were going to get married, I think they should have at least waited until they were out of high school, or college even.
So she has a baby, so what? Doesn't mean she has to be married.
No one has to be married.
I should have been there.
Mimsy wasn't at your wedding.
Yeah, and looking at her now, all the things I could have done better, all the times I could have been nicer, not having her at my wedding is at the top of the list.
No offense, but you couldn't have fixed that by taking her to Amy's wedding.
I know that.
But I know now how she felt being left out of mine.
Why didn't you have her at your wedding? I don't know, we were pregnant, then we ran off and didn't get married and lied about it.
When we finally made good on it, we couldn't go back and tell her that we'd lied and take her with us.
Why not? Because no one wants to tell their parents they lied about something like that.
Tell her now.
She doesn't even know who I am now.
Well, hey, none of us knew who you were until a week ago.
It's all going to be all right, Mom.
Especially if I go to cooking school in Italy.
Ashley, if you do go to cooking school in Italy, why don't you go by yourself? I don't mean live by yourself, but just go over and live with a family or maybe get an apartment with another girl who's going to school there.
But I think Toby is going to want to go.
Really? Toby is going to want to follow you to Italy to cooking school? Well, yeah.
I just slept with him.
Well, that was a nice little speech George made.
Yeah, who knew George was capable of telling you he loves you? Yeah, that was sweet.
But what he said to you and Amy was even sweeter.
Aw, Ricky.
You're married.
How does it feel? I don't know, it feels just like not being married.
Hey, are you going to have a reception? A what? Well, you got to have some kind of party.
I think that was the point in eloping.
Not having any kind of party.
I know, but I don't think Anne is happy.
Yeah, well, George is happy enough for the both of them.
You know, Anne'll get over it, she's just in a vulnerable place right now.
And if she doesn't get over it, maybe you and Amy could have a big formal wedding, you know where everyone can come.
What? That would be a complete waste of money.
I know, but Anne's going to think you didn't have a wedding because you don't want her there because she's gay.
Did she say that? Yeah.
Well, that's not the reason.
What happened to the fourth of July? I don't know, this was spur of the moment, it was fun.
George didn't push you into this, did he? No, no, he didn't.
Amy told me she wanted to elope and she hinted that to George and he jumped on it.
So this was Amy's idea.
Doesn't matter.
BOTH: Yes, it does.
I'm just glad the guy finally made an honest woman out of you.
Dad, that's not politically correct.
But thanks, I guess.
Look I, uh I feel bad that everyone isn't quite on board, but that's how it goes.
And your mother will get over it.
I think she thinks you didn't have a wedding because you didn't want her to bring a date or something crazy like that.
Maybe I didn't want you to bring a date.
Really? You don't like Kathleen? No, no, I like her, but Dad, honestly, a wedding? With Mom and her date and you and your date, no matter who either of you bring, it would just be awkward.
And then there's my group of friends, Ben and his new girlfriend, Adrian and whoever she's with, Grace and Jack and Jack and Madison and (SCOFFS) I just started thinking about it and my wedding should be about me and my date.
And it was.
Yeah.
I'm very proud of you.
And Ricky.
Thanks.
And thank you for saying all those nice things about us.
Meant every word I said.
And here's something I didn't say.
Being a teenage mother is still frowned upon in this country.
People accept that it happens but people judge everyone involved when it happens.
People look at you, they see the kid, they see you don't have a ring on your finger, they judge you, and they judge Ricky, and they feel sorry for John.
And as your father, that hurts me.
And this doesn't take away any of the indignities you've suffered over the past few years, but it makes life better, for you and your husband and your family and our family.
Aw, Dad, I know.
And I know that I have caused you a lot of trouble and a lot of heartache, but But today is a new day.
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life, Mrs.
Underwood.
(CHUCKLING) Let's go.
The doctor said there's nothing wrong with you.
Not buying it, Ben.
I don't feel very well.
I collapsed.
At what point in the conversation did you collapse? Before or after a confession? We didn't really talk.
Yeah.
You're good at that, at not talking.
And I don't want to talk to you here, where we might be overheard, I want to talk to you at home.
I went to see Dylan's father today.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
No kidding around, Benjamin, let's get out of here.
We were in the lab.
We lit the Bunsen burner.
We roasted marshmallows and made s'mores.
With peanut butter and then we left.
Then Amy married Ricky, and now I'm going to jail.
These walls are sheets, let's go home.