Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s05e04 Episode Script

1
Jackie chan: Thank you for
allowing me to ride with you.
The museum asked
that I help ensure
that the golden squid
is unloaded safely.
Driver: Hey, I
appreciate the company.
You wouldn't believe
how dull this job is.
(Helicopter approaching)
Driver: Wh-what do I do?!
Do--do I pull over?!
Jackie: No! Keep driving!
Radio the police!
Jackie: Oof!
Jackie: Waa!
Mu-ahh! Hah!
Unh! Whoa!
(Weapon sputtering)
Jackie: High heat
and rubber soles
make for a sticky situation.
Thieves: Huh?
(Crunching)
Jackie: When we arrive
at the police station,
you will be--wha?!
Capt. Black: Just got word
about the attempted
hijacking, Jackie.
Jackie: Captain black?
But how--
capt. Black: You know
section 13 monitors
all police transmissions.
Can you I.D. The perps?
Jackie: Well, at first
I suspected the enforcers,
but they were sent
to prison last month.
Capt. Black:
And released 3 days ago.
Court ordered them to serve
out the rest of their
sentences
doing community service.
Jackie: If they are back
to their old ways,
the community does not
need that kind of service.
Capt. Black: Enforcers
can't be reincarcerated
without proof
of criminal activity,
but you catch 'em red-handed
and I'll see to it
that they're put away
for a long, long time.
Jackie: Jade,
what are you doing?
Those clothes are
being donated to charity,
and that is your
buttercup scout uniform.
Jade chan: I know.
I quit the buttercups.
Jackie: Wha? Why?
Jade: Quilt-making,
cookie-selling, hello?
If I wanted to be bored
out of my gourd,
I could just hang here
with you and uncle.
Uncle chan:
You want excitement,
sweep up shop.
Jackie: Ohh!
But scouting provides
a valuable experience, Jade.
You mustn't quit.
Jade: So who said anything
about quitting scouting?
I joined the dragon scouts.
Jackie: But the dragon scouts
are all boys.
Jade: Were.
Welcome
to the new millennium
where girls are hot
and boys are not.
I am dragon. Hear me roar!
The dragons are meeting
tonight at my school,
uncle Jackie.
Jackie: Jade,
what did you do?
Jackie: Uh,
friends of yours?
Jade: Nope. Something
about them seems
Familiar, though.
You gotta turn that in
at the principal's office.
Jackie: Fine. I will see you
in the hallway
after your meeting.
(Banging)
Finn: Come on, come on.
Ratso: Not you.
Jackie: You failed
to hijack the antiquities,
so now you're robbing
school lockers?
Chow:
What's he talkin' about?
Jackie: May I have a look?
Finn: Last time I checked,
you ain't the hall monitor,
so take a hike, chan.
Jackie: Perhaps
you have something to hide.
Chow: Perhaps
you don't hear so good.
Jackie: I do not
want to fight you
At school.
Finn: Too bad, 'cause
here comes today's lesson.
Jackie: Ow!
Dragon leader:
What in Sam hill
is going on here?!
Finn: Uh
Bucket turned over.
Dragon leader:
Looks more like horseplay,
and horseplay
undermines discipline.
A fine example
you're setting
for your boy, Mr. Finn.
Jackie: Boy?
You have a boy?
Finn: My nephew.
Chow: Mine, too.
Ratso: My sister's kid,
visitin' for the Summer.
Frank: Frank.
Charley: Charley.
Rocko: Uh, rocko.
Dragon leader:
All right, dragons,
store your gear,
on the double.
Jackie: Why were you
breaking in to that locker?
Finn: We weren't, Mr. nosy.
We're doin'
community service here.
Part of the deal
for gettin' out
of the joint early.
Jackie: Oh!
Oh, you are janitors.
Chow: Hey!
Custodial engineers.
Finn: Ot-nay in front
of the ephews-nay.
Finn: Look, chan,
whole reason we want
the kids to be scouts
is to learn good values.
Ratso: So they don't
end up bums, like us.
Rocko: Ha ha ha!
You're funny, uncle ratso.
Charley: Yeah,
seein' how you guys own,
like, the biggest
import-export business
on the west coast.
Chow: Heh. Yeah,
well, you know,
we ain't ones to brag.
Jackie: Who would've guessed
that the enforcers
would have
such nice nephews?
Jade: Nice? Jackie!
Those three have "crooked"
written all over 'em!
But don't worry.
I'm all over it.
I'll be your eyes and ears,
find out what
they're cookin' up.
Jackie: Jade,
we must not prejudge.
Sometimes the apple
falls far from the tree.
Jade: And hits the ground
and turns rotten.
Jade: Gotta go
with my gut on this one.
Something about those nephews
isn't right,
and I'll prove it.
Just need a little backup.
Capt. Black: Jade?
Jade: Hello, old friend!
Cock-a-doodle
how-do-you do?
(Jackie yawns)
Jackie: Jade?
Where are you heading?
Jade: Dragon scouts meeting,
Jackie.
Going for my first
merit badge.
Jackie: Oh. So,
what will you be doing?
Some sort of
arts and crafts project?
Jade: Crafts?
Get real, Jackie.
Dragon leader promised
it'd be something in the wild.
Probably an intense
survival program
in the jungle
surrounded by bloodthirsty
creatures!
Gotta be kidding me.
This is what he calls
being "in the wild"?
Dragon leader:
All right, dragon scouts,
your first merit badge
will be in nature studies,
and today
we'll be bird-watching.
Jade: Bird-watching?
Dragon leader:
Present dragon scopes,
front and center.
Dragon leader: Outstanding.
You have 60 minutes.
Notate all sightings
in your logbooks.
I will be spot-checking,
and the zoo area
is off limits! Fall out!
Jade: Ice cream heist
at 10 o'clock.
Frank: You got a problem?
We're tryin'
to bird-watch here.
Charley: Yeah. We been
scopin' out a pigeon.
Rocko: Pretty pigeon.
Jade: Not on my watch.
Frank: Oh, I get it.
She can't cut it solo,
so she's tryin'
to tag along.
Jade: As if!
Charley: She's a wannabe,
same as her uncle.
Jade: Uh, reality check?
My uncle's a wannabe?
Charley: Uh, yeah.
We got the 411
how your unc is bunk.
Rocko: Ha ha ha!
Unc is bunk. Ha ha ha!
Charley: He can't
even hold down a job.
Frank: Heh heh heh.
Wishes he was big-time
like our uncles.
Charley: Which is why
he's always followin'
them around.
Nephews: Loser!
Jade: Hey, the only reason
Jackie's always tailing
your uncles
is because
they're low-life crooks.
Rocko: Take it back!
Jade: Bring it on, tiny.
Rocko: Whoa--unh!
Jade: Who's the l-word now?
Frank: Uh, Jade,
a little advice
Jade: What's that supposed
to--hey!
Nephews: 3-way keep-away!
Ha ha ha!
Jade: You just bought
yourselves a world of hurt!
Give that back!
(Jade sniffs)
Jade: Ohh! Yuck.
Serious stank.
(Bear growls)
Jade: Got it.
Your pad, my bad.
Jade: Ohh!
(Bear roars)
Jade: Bad day,
bad day, bad day!
Frank: Oh, man,
we gotta help her!
Charley: How?
Rocko: Uh, I got nothin'.
Frank: That jump was freaky.
Charley: Freaky on a stick.
How do you get
that kind of hang time?
Jade: Um, aerobics?
Rocko: Ha ha. She was
pretty gutsy with that Bear.
Not like before,
when she's all,
(high-pitched voice)
"I want my cap back."
Charley, high-pitched voice:
I want my cap back!
Give me my cap back!
Frank: Please, oh, please!
Nephews: Ha ha ha!
Jade: You are so asking
to get your butts kicked.
Dragon leader:
Dragon scout Jade!
You disobeyed
a direct dragon order
to stay clear of the zoo,
and now I see you displaying
aggressive behavior
towards your fellow scouts.
Frank:
Yeah. Dragon scout Jade
definitely needs
an attitude adjustment.
Charley:
Oh, she's a bad egg.
Rocko: I like eggs
Over easy.
Jade: But they--
dragon leader:
No merit badge.
Jade: Ohh!
Finn:
Well, what do you know?
don't you ever get tired
of tailing us, chan?
Jackie: Uh, actually, yes,
but that is not
why I am here.
I guess the dragon leader
called you in, too.
My niece and your nephews,
fighting.
Ratso: We came
to pick up our uniforms.
Jackie: Uniform?
Dragon leader: Volunteering
to be dragon daddies.
Outstanding.
No wonder your nephews
are such fine young men.
On the other hand
Fall in behind me, Mr. chan.
We need to discuss
Jade's behavior.
Chow: Heh. If you need
some parenting tips, chan,
I'm here for ya.
Enforcers: Ha ha ha!
Jackie: And the dragon leader
warned me,
any more of this type
of behavior,
you will be kicked out.
So, please,
behave yourself
on this weekend's
dragon adventure.
Jade: We're having
a dragon adventure?
It's gonna
be something cool!
Extreme go-kart racing?
Mountain climbing?
Jackie: The museum.
Jade: I quit the buttercups
for this?
Jackie: The museum
has just opened
its far east exhibit.
I do not like this one bit.
Jade: You and me both.
Bor-ing!
Jackie: I suspect
the golden squid
is the reason the enforcers
volunteered
to be dragon daddies.
Jade: I get it.
A dragon adventure,
the perfect cover
for a heist.
Jackie: Perhaps, which
is why I am coming along.
Jade: Good thinking.
I'll keep an eye
- on frank, Rocco, and Charley
while you--
you're a dragon daddy?!
Jackie: Yes--ohh!
And you are levitating!
You have
the rooster talisman!
Jade: Well--heh heh. I--
please, uncle Jackie,
let me take it to the museum.
If the enforcers
try to pull anything--
uncle: Eye-yah! Magic
is not to be trifled with!
Jackie: Hand over
the talisman, ja--ow!
Uncle: As long
as you are up there,
clean cobwebs from ceiling.
Curator:
Welcome, dragon scouts.
You are about to see
the finest collection
of far east antiquities
ever assembled
in the northern hemisphere,
and the centerpiece
of our collection
is the exquisite
- 3,000-year-old golden squid.
Priceless.
Finn: Priceless
is my favorite number.
Frank: Sweet.
Charley: Boo-bama.
Rocko: Pretty.
Jade: don't even
think about it.
Jackie: Why are you
leaving your group?
Finn: Potty break, ok?
Jackie: All three
at the same time?
Dragon scouts, gasping:
Hey! What's going on?!
Dragon leader:
As you were, dragons.
Remain calm.
Curator:
- Just a power outage.
(Generator hums)
Dragon scouts, gasping:
Huh? What happened? What?
Jackie: What has happened?!
Curator: The golden squid
It's been stolen!
The culprits may
still be on the premises.
Evacuate the children!
Jackie: I agree.
Dragon leader:
All right, dragons,
single file in double time.
Move out!
Jackie: Stop!
Jackie: I have caught you
red-handed with
Toilet paper?
Ratso: We're runnin' low
at home.
Chow: Whatcha gonna do,
call the potty patrol?
Jackie: But if you didn't
steal the golden squid,
then who?
Jade: Yes!
I am good.
Frank: Oh, that's my locker!
Charley: Back away,
or you're gonna pay!
Jade:
You three are so busted.
Frank: Heh heh heh.
Pretty lame, Jade.
You swiped that thing
and planted it in my locker.
Jade: Ooh, good cover story.
Not! What kind
of criminals are you?
Man: Oh,
they're not criminals
But we are.
Jade:
It's the museum curator!
Charley: Ohh,
didn't see that coming.
Frank: Inside job.
Rocko: Yeah!
Inside where?
Curator: Heh heh heh.
I'll take that.
Jade: Guess again.
Jade to frank!
Frank: Frank to rocko!
Finn: Uhh! Hey,
watch the hair!
Community service stinks.
Chow: No kidding.
- I make holes. He fills holes.
Finn: Boys, I think
our ship just came in.
Chow: Hey, he's got
the golden squid!
Finn: I stand corrected.
Community service
does have its rewards.
Curator: Ohh!
Finn: Mm-wah.
Gentlemen, the only street
we're gonna be working
from now on is easy street.
Ratso: Ohh!
Why can't we ever win?
Jackie: Heh heh heh.
I came to apologize
for falsely accusing you
of stealing the
Jackie: The golden squid!
You did steal it!
Finn: Not exactly,
but it's ours now.
Ratso: Got it off the real
thief fair and square.
Jackie:
It is museum property.
Jackie: Whoa!
Oof! Bad day!
Bad day! Bad day!
Jackie: Think of it
this way.
You have not lost a statue,
you have become a statue.
Finn: Um, chan, please,
uh, don't tell the kids
about this.
Chow: Yeah.
- It'd break their hearts.
Ratso: They think
we're, you know
Jackie: Successful
import-exporters?
I will spare them the truth.
Finn: Thanks. Who knows?
Maybe someday
we can redeem ourselves,
become the upstanding,
law-abiding citizens
they think we are.
Finn: Nah.
Chow and ratso:
No way. I don't think so.
Finn: Scary thought.
Ratso: Be laughin'
if I could breathe.
Capt. Black: The curator
and his lackeys
are in custody, Jackie.
Turns out he's a con artist
named Michael Diaz.
Has a rap sheet
long as my arm.
Finn: Yeah, so, we're gonna
take a ride with,
uh, our associate Mr. black
to the airport.
Ratso: Gonna be goin' away
for a while
Chow: To the far east.
Big business deal brewin'.
Sorry, kids.
That's
the, uh, import-export
business for ya.
Frank: We'll come
visit again next Summer.
Finn: Terrific.
We should be out--
er, uh, back by then.
Frank: Take it easy,
uncle Finn.
Charley: Ciao, uncle chow.
Rocko: Later, uncle ratso.
Thanks for everything.
Nephews: Bye, now!
See ya soon!
Jackie: I do not encourage
lying, Jade,
but there is no need
to tell the young men
that their uncles
are going to prison.
Jade: Hey, uncle Jackie,
better not let
the dragon leader
catch you out of uniform.
Nephews and Jade:
4-way keep-away! Ha ha ha!
Jackie: Give me that back.
This is not funny!
It is very disrespectful!
Jane: Hey Jackie, do you have
any bad jobs before you
became an actor?
Jackie: After the 10 years
in a martial arts school,
I went to Australia.
I do a construction worker,
clean the, uh, building
Cement
Paint the wall
At night, I doing, uh,
kitchen, uh,
learn how to cook.
Um, I don't think
it's a bad job.
If I'm continue
to learn this,
I'm becoming
like a professional.
There's no bad job.