Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s05e05 Episode Script

1
(Music playing)
Uncle:
The flute of the immortals.
Uncle: Within it lies
the chi of the sky
demon hsi wu.
Jade: Who else is up
for a spin?
Jackie: Jade!
What are you doing here?
Jade: Like I'm gonna come
all the way down to Australia
and not ride a kangaroo? Tch!
Uncle: Yu mo gue guai
à fi de ziao
Yu mo gue guai
à fi de--yeow!
Jackie:
Drago! Uncle, hurry!
Uncle: Aiyaaa!
Nephew has ants in pants.
Magic cannot be rushed.
(Chanting faster)
Jade: Hyah!
Both: Whoa!
(Screaming)
Drago: Time to throw
this shrimp on the Barbie.
Jade:
Definitely not a g'day.
Jackie: Jade!
Jade: Whoooaaa!
Jackie: Whoa! Unh! Aah!
Uncle: Jackie!
Must stop drago from
extracting sky demon chi!
Jade:
Oh, man, I'm gonna hurl!
Jackie:
Hang on tight, Jade!
Unh!
Drago: Aah! Unh!
(Uncle chanting)
Jade: We came, we saw,
we kicked demon butt!
(Tires screech)
Uncle: Hmm. Tohru,
put steering wheel
back where it belongs.
Drago: Unh!
Drago: Chan!
Jade: Hey, since
we're still on
Australian time,
technically it's tomorrow and
I've already been to school.
Jackie: Ha ha ha.
"A" for effort,
but "f" for logic.
Now go to bed.
You have your big
field trip tomorrow.
Jade: Ohhh!
Uncle: Aiya! Sky demon chi
did not transfer into
containment tank.
Jackie: Do you need help?
Uncle: Yes, very important.
Write down.
Mung bean, bulb of garlic,
essence of sea salt,
with mustard, on wheat.
Jackie: These ingredients
will repair the chi-o-matic?
Uncle: No!
Ingredients for sandwich.
You fix uncle snack,
uncle will fix chi-o-matic.
Jade: Lunch, check.
Permission slip, check.
Jackie: Jade,
it is a long bus ride.
Take something
to occupy yourself.
Jade: Boredom buster,
check-o-matic.
Ms. hardman:
And the windsor mansion is
not only a national landmark,
it's on
the national registry of homes
as a perfect example
of 19th century architecture.
Now, I expect you all to be
on your very best behavior.
Drew: I know this girl,
who has this friend,
who has this cousin,
who went there with his family
and his sister
saw a really freaky ghost.
Jade: As if!
Everybody knows there are
no such things as ghosts.
But demons?
They're real, big time!
And this little baby here
can suck up demon chi
like nobody's business!
Ms. hardman: Jade!
I will not have
you disrupting this field trip
with any of your silly
"forces of darkness" stories,
and no electronic games
during school hours.
Jade: But, Ms. hardman,
it's not a game. It's--
Ms. hardman:
No "buts," young lady.
You've just earned the class
a 2-page report
on the historical significance
of the windsor mansion.
All: Aw, man!
I can't believe that!
Thanks a lot, Jade!
Ms. hardman: Or would you
care to make it 3 pages?
Jade: Hey, it's not
my fault Ms. hartless
has it in for all of us.
She loves torturing kids.
Why do you think
she became a teacher?
(Bus driving over gravel)
Drago: The sky demon chi.
I'm back in business!
Uncle: Jackie!
Uncle:
Chi-o-matic is missing!
Both: Jade!
(Thunder)
Drew:
Whoa! Total creepfest.
Jade:
Please. Tourist trap.
All: Aaah!
Guide: Windsor mansion
was built in 1857
by Gladys windsor
But is now quite famous for
its more "spirited" guests.
(Slam)
Drew: Aah!
Jade: That's a big goose egg
on the goosebump meter.
Ms. hardman: Jade!
One more negative
comment and--
(gasps)
Drew: Whoa!
Definitely haunted!
Guide: You may not believe
what you're about to see next.
This wayTo the basement.
Ms. hardman:
Oh, these shoes!
I guess that's the price
you pay for high fashion.
Ms. hardman:
Oh, dear, someone's missing.
Jade.
Guide: Prepare yourselves
(Gasping)
Guide: For the most complete
antique doorknob collection
west of the Mississippi!
Girl: Aww, that's it?!
Ms. hardman: Everyone remain
here with Mr. Freedman.
I'll be right back.
Guide: Well, now,
who knows the difference
between a doorknob
and a door pull?
Anyone? Hands?
Jade: Duh,
pre-recorded ghosts.
Jade: Player piano.
I knew it!
I've been in libraries scarier
than this tourist trap.
Jade: Aah!
(Jade screams)
Ms. hardman: Jade?
Drago:
Oh, did I scare you?
Jade: Yeah,
but looks aren't everything!
Drago:
I want the sky demon chi!
It's here!
I can smell it!
Ms. hardman: Jade!
Jade: Ms. hardman?
(Screeches)
Drago: The sky demon chi?!
Ms. hardman: Oh, my!
What's--what's happened to me?
Jade: Claws for hands?
Demon wings?
Evil twinkle in the eye?
Something tells me
uncle never emptied
the chi-o-matic.
That's 2 demons against
one chan. I'm outta here!
Ms. hardman:
Jade! Come back here!
Drago: Raah!
Guide: And that, students,
is the fascinating history
of the doorknob
in 19th century America.
Now, if you'll follow me
to the gift shop
(Slams)
(Nervous laugh)
Well, that's strange.
The door
- appears to be stuck.
Drew: I knew it!
We're ghost chow!
(Screaming)
Guide: Aaah!
Children: Help!
Help! I want to get
out of here! Mommy!
(Screeches)
(Claws scratching)
Jade: Oh,
- this is all my fault!
I turned my teacher
into a drooling demon
at an all-you-can-eat
student buffet!
don't worry, guys.
I got your back.
Yo, Ms. hartless!
Ms. hardman: Jade?
Jade:
You want fresh meat?
Well, here's
some prime "grade j"!
Come and get it!
Ms. hardman:
Come back here, young lady!
(Panting)
Jade: Definitely not
a special effect.
Aah!
Ms. hardman, don't eat me!
I didn't even shower
this morning!
Uncle:
Teacher eat students?
School has changed
since uncle was a boy.
Jade:
Uncle Jackie! Ms. hardman took
the chi-o-matic on the bus
and must have zapped herself
with the sky demon chi,
and now she wants to eat me
and the rest of the class who
are trapped in the basement!
(Gasps) Oh, and drago's
here and the house is
really spook central.
Jackie:
- Uh, Jade, calm down.
I am sure Ms. hardman
does not wish to harm you.
Jade: Oh, yeah, she just
loves kids! Medium rare.
Tohru: Uh,
did you say haunted?
Jade: So, what's the plan?
Jackie: You go to the bus
with uncle while he fixes
the chi-o-matic.
And you will stay
there until we sort
this whole thing out.
Jade: No way!
Jackie: Yes way!
I will see that drago does
no harm to Ms. hardman.
(Tohru groans)
Uncle:
(Sighs) Good as new!
Now, Jade, stay on bus--
Jade?
Tohru: There are
no such things as ghosts.
There are no such things
as ghosts.
Aaah!
Jackie:
- Aah! Oh, this is why
I prefer carpeting!
Jade: Aah!
Jackie: Jade, I told you
to stay on the bus!
Jade: What's your point?
(Ms. hardman screeches)
Ms. hardman:
What do you want?
Drago:
What do you think, lady?!
You just sprouted wings
out of thin air?
You have my sky demon chi
and I want it back!
(Loud thud)
(Ms. hardman screeches)
Drago: Yeow!
Ms. hardman: Maybe next time
you'll remember the
magic word.
Jackie: Leave her alone!
Drago: Back off, chan!
Uncle: Aiya!
Jade: Keep away from me,
birdbrain! Aah!
Jackie: Jade!
Jade: Uncle Jackie!
Uncle: Uh-oh.
Aiyaaaa!
(Roars)
Uncle: Bear should go into
permanent hibernation!
Jackie: Aah!
Ha ha! Happy birthday?
Drago: Aaah!
Jackie: Uh, uncle?
This placeExplain.
Uncle: Double dose of
demon chi has awakened
angry spirits in house.
Jackie: We must find Jade.
(Children yelling)
Tohru: Ooh!
(Children yelling)
Tohru:
OhhA laundry chute.
(Grunting)
I'm coming to get you!
(Tohru grunting)
(Screaming)
Tohru: Unh! Hello.
Guide: Ohhh
(Ms. hardman humming)
Jade: Heh,
you must be working up
quite an appetite.
Why don't I just hop out
and dig you up some
juicy jumbo-size worms?
Ms. hardman:
You're not going anywhere.
Jade:
Ms. hardman, don't hurt me!
Ms. hardman: Hurt you?!
Oh, my goodness!
Jade chan,
- what an imagination you have!
I brought you up here
to protect you from
that awful lizard boy.
(Uncle panting)
Uncle: Fancy mansion
needs elevator!
(Panting)
(Rumbling)
Guide: Aaah! Aaah!
(Guide whimpering)
Ms. hardman: (Laughs)
And to think I used
to be afraid to fly.
Jade: So you don't hate kids?
You don't hateMe?
Ms. hardman:
Oh, Jade, I adore children.
Why else would I be a teacher?
Drago: I'm back!
Both: Aah!
Ms. hardman: Stay here!
I know exactly how to deal
with an unruly student.
Jade: Ms. hardman, no!
Drago: Teacher's got a pet.
How cute.
Jade: Hey, scaly!
(Growling)
Jade: Ms. hardman!
Jade: No!
(Panting)
Jackie: Jade!
Jackie: Aah!
(Eerie moan)
Jade: Aaaah!
Jackie: Aah! Oof!
Jackie:
Come and get me, drago.
Drago: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ms. hardman:
Class dismissed!
Drago: Aah!
Ms. hardman: Huh. Well,
this certainly has been
more exciting
than grading papers.
Jade:
I think it's about time
we get you back to normal.
Ms. hardman: Oh, but
I was considering flying
south for the winter.
Jade: Ms. hardman,
the class can't lose you.
You're everyone's
favorite teacher.
Ms. hardman: I am?
Ms. hardman:
(Sighs) I'm ready.
(Uncle chanting)
Jade: So everything was
just bogus special effects.
Drew: Ha! Knew it!
Ms. hardman:
- But I-I'm certain I had wings
and I saved Jade.
I was a hero!
Jackie: Uh, Ms. hardman,
I am afraid the mansion
has a way of playing tricks
with people's minds.
Ms. hardman:
But, Jade, you did tell me
I was everyone's
favorite teacher,
isn't that right?
Class, follow me!
Uncle: With the demon chi
gone, spirits have returned
to rest.
Tohru: I was never
really scared, sensei.
Tohru: Uncle?
Jade: Have you ever
dressed up for a costume party
or Halloween?
Jackie:
When I'm very young,
yes, I do wear
a cowboy costume,
but when I get in
the film business, never.
Why? Because
every day I'm on the set,
dressed as different people.
I'm dressed like an old man,
young man, girl, old lady,
uh, magician, vampire--
I dress everything already.