Son of a Critch (2022) s05e05 Episode Script
Empty Nests
1
GREG THOMEY: [TV] Yes,
ignore that deficit!
Come, be part of the Jerry Boyle team.
Come, be part of the
Jerry Boyle momentum.
Ignoring the deficit together.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): They say
comedy is tragedy plus time.
In Newfoundland, we had plenty of both.
POP: See, now, that there
that's comedy.
Now, that's what you
should be doing, Mark!
Something with an edge.
You could stick it to
the arseholes in power.
Make a difference.
- You think so, Pop?
- Oh, I know so.
The news today is so depressing.
The only thing you can
do is just laugh at it.
The Premier's approval
ratings are at an all-time low,
with some within his own party
calling for him to step down.
- Case in point.
- [CLICKS REMOTE]
PREMIER: [TV] Some are
calling for my resignation.
But it's simply not backupable!
The last crowd sold the shop!
It's not my fault the
arse is out of 'er!
It's the crowd in Ottawa.
[MIMICKING PREMIER] They sold the shop!
It's simply not backupable!
The arse is out of 'er,
and I'm just the man to put it back!
If anyone can make an
arse of it, it's me.
Yes, now!
That's what I'm talking about!
Ha-ha!
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES]
Hey, Mom, do you, uh,
have that suitcase?
Right here, all ready for ya.
So, must be gettin' serious if you're
heading to Ontario to see Amanda.
I don't know, Mom,
she's been away to school
for like a year and a half now,
and we talk on the phone all the time.
And I just haven't really felt
this way about anyone before.
You like her, right?
She's lovely.
All right.
You call me as soon as
you land, you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
[PHONE RINGING]
[MARY SIGHS]
Mary! Who's calling the
house at this ungodly hour?
I'm not a G.D. mind-reader!
Critch residence. How you do?
Oh, it's so nice to hear from you.
Yes, we would love to get together.
[IN A WHISPER] No, no!
Well, we will see you then.
[IN A WHISPER] No! No!
Oh! Goodbye.
- Who was that?
- That was Ellie.
The Premier's wife.
What the hell did she want?
She invited us to afternoon
tea with her and her husband
at the Confederation Building.
Tea? With the Premier?
And his wife!
There has to be a reason.
Why can't I be the reason?
Ellie and I really hit it off in Ottawa!
We had a lovely time!
Mary, I can't be socializing
with the Premier, all right?
I'm writing a story about him.
I need to maintain a distance.
We're not going.
Oh, yes, we are.
And I'll need a new dress.
[SCOFFS] A new dress?
A new dress.
Well, I need an Aspirin.
And a TUMS.
- Night, Pop.
- Yeah.
[CLICKING REMOTE]
Oh, God, I can't get
this clicker to click.
It's never worked properly, this thing.
It's okay, Pop.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It was just a remote,
but I knew it meant more.
Pop was slipping, piece by piece,
and it tore at my heart.
Wait, wait
Will you wake me up
on your way to school?
Uh, it's my alarm clock. I
I can't seem to get that to work either.
But why?
Where are you going?
A wake.
Hm. Anyone I know?
Yes.
Newfoundland.
I mean, the fishery's gone under,
and the government,
they're dead on their feet,
blind to the mess right in front of 'em.
Another protest?
Not really a protest. It's
it's more of a peaceful sit-in.
Pop, you can't go alone.
Not anymore.
Look, I'm not a child.
Don't tell your parents.
Okay. I won't.
But I'm going with you.
Don't you have school?
Didn't you say there's
no better education
than seeing history take place
in front of your own eyes?
Did I?
Yeah
I think I did.
Good to see that you've been listening!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Pop had
watched over me my whole life.
Now, it was my turn to watch over him.
You need a ride to the
Premier's tea party, Mike?
Gee
Keep it down, will ya,
Dick? I gotta be careful.
Careful? What for?
Reliable sources told me
there's a scandal brewing
in the Premier's office.
Oh, yes, b'y What about?
Something to do with a big
contract that wasn't tendered.
If it's true, this
could be the final blow
to the Premier's hold on power.
But don't be telling anybody about it
until I get it all sorted. I
shouldn't even have told you.
'Course, my b'y! Won't tell a soul.
Hey, Mike, heard about
your tea with the Premier.
Not another soul.
Ah, well, sir, I could cancel that.
I mean, it is during working hours
Oh, no, no, no. In fact, take the day.
But listen, you gotta do me a favour.
Put in a good word for me.
I got a piece of land I
need the province to rezone.
Now, I donated top dollar
to that arsehole's campaign;
I can't get my foot in the door!
So, I would appreciate it if
you propped it open for me.
Well, sir, you know, I
don't think it'd be approp
Keep up the good work!
Don't worry about me,
Mike. I don't want nothin'.
He's the Premier, Dick.
Not Santy Claus.
MIKE JR: This place it's just so big.
I'm just glad you had
a chance to see it.
It's hard to believe
I'm graduating soon.
Then you'll be back home.
Mike
I have a job offer.
Back home? That's great!
No, here. In Ottawa.
It's a copywriting position,
but in a year or two,
I could be on air. It's
not much, but it's a start.
Y-yeah.
Geez, I-I
I guess I just thought you'd come back
and work at the station.
As what?
Logo girl?
Mike
There just aren't any slots at VOCM.
But this new job, it could
lead to serious journalism.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Serious is, uh it's great.
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
♪
- [SIGHS]
- This is a story.
This is tea, and we are guests.
Please, Mike, just put your
press pass away for once, hmm?
[DRUM THUMPING]
[DRUM THUMPING]
POP: Ah, hi.
Here.
What's with the black bands, Pop?
We're in mourning for the fishery.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
This won't do. Where's
the Premier's face?
Oh, it's perfect.
He doesn't have the guts to face us.
CROWD: Yeah!
Ha-ha! Ah, I like that.
Symbolic.
All right, boys.
On three. One, two, three.
[DRUM THUMPING SLOWLY]
What's going on here?
What does it look like?
The government killed the fishery.
We're here to bury the bones.
Yeah, well, you're not
takin' that in here.
[DRUM CONTINUES THUMPING]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): At first,
I thought I was only there
to watch over Pop, but
standing in that line,
shoulder to shoulder, I felt it:
the weight of history
and my place in it.
Now I just had to keep from
ending up in the casket myself.
[DRUM THUMPING SLOWLY]
[STRAINING]
Splinter, splinter.
All right, all right.
Stop the bloody drumming.
All right, let 'er down. Nice and easy.
MARK: [IN A WHISPER] Pop!
Mom and Dad are here!
POP: Impossible.
MARK: I'm supposed to be at school.
Get down, b'y.
Okay
MARK: Oh, Jesus. That was too close.
[SIGHS] Okay, made your point.
Let's go home, Pop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not leaving.
This is a sit-in.
At my age, that's my favourite part.
Now, sit!
All right, everyone.
[FISHERMAN PLAYING JIM
PAYNE'S "EMPTY NETS" ON GUITAR]
But it's empty nets ♪
That's what he gets ♪
When you're out on the water ♪
No time for regrets ♪
Those empty nets ♪
That's what he gets ♪
How's a poor fisherman ♪
To pay off his debts ♪
When he goes out each morning ♪
To haul empty nets ♪
♪
You can blame it on foreigners ♪
Blame it on feds ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Cast all the blame
on each other instead ♪
But when all's said and done ♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): For once,
I was avoiding the spotlight.
PREMIER: We've been meaning
to do this ever since Ottawa.
Haven't we, Ellie?
Absolutely! And we had such a
lovely time together, didn't we?
- Oh!
- And I gave your husband
that wonderful exclusive.
Remember? Meech Lake.
Of course I remember. You were so kind.
PREMIER: You were the first to report
that I was walking out
on talks with Quebec.
We both come off lookin' pretty good.
About time we had some good
news for a change, I figures.
Yeah, that was a big one for us.
I notice there's a bit of a story
brewing downstairs today.
It looked like a fisheries protest?
PREMIER: Ah, let's put politics aside.
Nothing better than a feed of sandwiches
and a good mug up.
Or does a cup of tea
count as a bribe, Mike?
[LAUGHTER]
[MARY CLEARS THROAT]
[PLAYING "I'SE THE B'Y" ON INSTRUMENTS]
[CROWD CLAPPING TO BEAT]
♪
So, now we're having a party?
No, it's not a party.
This is an Irish wake.
We gotta give her a proper send-off!
♪
GUARD: All right!
You're making too much of a racket!
You all have to leave.
The Premier needs to see this!
He's not in the building!
Liar!
I happen to know my son is
meeting with him as we speak!
[CROWD EXCLAIMING AND MUTTERING]
[SPUTTERING]
To give him a piece of his mind!
CROWD: Yeah!
Yeah! We want the Premier!
Okay, everybody calm down!
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
GUARD: Easy, easy, boys.
Take it down a notch, guys.
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): We'd gone from a wake
to a kitchen party to a circus
and Pop was the ringleader.
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
Mike, I've always admired
your journalistic integrity.
Not something I can say about
many in your field these days.
Oh, why, thank you, Premier.
There's something I'd like
to show you in the other room.
[SIGHS] Yeah.
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
Yes, well, give us a chance
to catch up, eh, Mary?
And, um
MARY: Oh!
It's a little early for that, isn't it?
Well, it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
[CHUCKLES]
5:30 in Newfoundland.
ELLIE: Oh! [CHUCKLES]
MARY: Oh my!
- A little bit more?
- Ooh, whoa
Okay, there. [CHUCKLES]
[LOUNGE-STYLE MUSIC]
♪
MIKE JR: There's nothin'
like this back home.
You know, the coffee
definitely beats the VOCM stuff.
[LAUGHS]
Look, Amanda, if you're
gonna stay in Ottawa
maybe I should stay with you.
Yeah. I'll get a job.
I mean, I'm sure there's
gotta be a radio station
or somethin', right?
[CHUCKLES]
That's sweet
But is that what you want?
You're what I want.
Or
you're who I want.
Yeah. It sounds
[BOTH LAUGH]
I just wanna be where you are.
And this time apart has
really made me realize that.
If that's what you want.
[FISHERMAN PLAYING JIM
PAYNE'S "EMPTY NETS" ON GUITAR]
FISHERMAN: How can
they feed multitudes ♪
On fishes so small ♪
How can they feed families ♪
On no fish at all ♪
Get down on your knees ♪
For a miracle call ♪
We'll stick it for as long ♪
As we're able ♪
That song really sums it all up.
It really says something.
FISHERMAN: When you're out
on the water, no time ♪
You know, if you've got a voice,
you may as well use it to
say something worth hearing.
How's a poor fisherman ♪
To pay off his debts ♪
You could do that.
FISHERMAN: When he goes
out each morning to haul ♪
Well, I'm
I'm a comedian.
I wish I could write a joke
the way he writes a song.
You know, one that matters.
Plenty around here to
take the piss out of.
I mean, God knows we
could use a good laugh.
Hmm, look who it isn't.
Well, we've certainly
got their attention now.
MARK: What do you say? Head home?
Price is Right is on soon.
I hate that show.
FISHERMAN: May bankers
and loan boards ♪
Not stand in your way ♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): You didn't
need to be a meteorologist
to see there was a storm on the horizon.
'Deed I am in love with you ♪
Out all night in the foggy dew ♪
'Deed I am in love with you ♪
Mussels in the corner ♪
Ask a townie for a smoke ♪
He will say his pipe is broke ♪
Ask a bayman for a chew ♪
He will bite it off for you ♪
You know, Mike, they calls
me the singing Premier.
Well, to be honest, sir,
I've never heard you
referred to as that.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you know, I'm the
first Premier ever elected
who could play the accordion.
There must be a story in that.
That's very impressive, sir.
'Cause I've heard you're
sniffin' around about a story.
Well, to be honest, I had
heard tell of a contract
that didn't go to tender ?
[SIGHS]
Here's the truth of it, Mike.
My brother-in-law has
a little sign company.
He's stunned, but he's family.
So, he got the Soiree contract.
A few ol' buttons and
puttin' logos on hats.
That kind of thing. Small potatoes.
Well, you can buy a lot of potatoes
with a million dollars, Premier.
But we're gettin' a
lot of buttons for that!
Good ones, too!
Here
Have a button.
Mike
Chasing gossip is beneath you.
What if you came here
to work in my office?
Comms Director.
Help fix things before
they get all twisted.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- It never stops.
I said hold me calls!
A coffin?
Clear the room!
Everything all right, Premier?
Yes, good as gold, Mike, yup.
ELLIE: So, I hear you
are working for tourism.
- Just part-time.
- Oh.
We're gearing up for the big
Soiree celebration next summer.
Oh!
Well, it doesn't have to be part-time.
I know some people who could
make it full-time, easy!
- Really?
- Mm-hm!
We have to cut this short.
Oh no, we were just getting started!
We gotta leave now.
- Oh
- Oh, dear.
Oh Well.
[INDISTINCT]
ELLIE: It was lovely seeing you again.
Thank you so much.
[TENSE, INTRIGUING MUSIC]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CROWD CLAMOURING]
Pop.
We need to go, now.
Where's the Premier? Let him speak!
Let the coward show his face!
We're gonna get arrested!
- Hold the line!
- [CROWD CLAMOURING]
Come on. [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
We want the Premier!
We want the Premier!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): You can
either watch history unfold
from the sidelines, or
you can be a part of it.
Everyone needs to clear the lobby!
Now!
You're a sellout, Butt!
And your uncle's a fisherman! Shame!
Don't
That's it!
MARK: [ON MIC] Your attention, please!
[CROWD CALMS]
Ladies and gentlemen, my
apologies for the delay.
I've been very busy hiding from you.
[LAUGHTER]
MARK: I'm in the business of, uh
avoiding responsibility,
and I think I'm doing a damn fine job!
I knows you crowd are worried
about this "job security."
Well, I promise you, there's
nothing to worry about.
I got my job, and
that's all that matters!
I think that's enough said about that!
He's a funny fella, Pat.
He don't take after Mike.
That's 'cause he takes after me.
[APPLAUSE]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It's
impossible to be angry
and laugh at the same time.
That day, I learned that laughter
is the closest distance
between any two groups.
I think I got a job offer.
- Well, that figures.
- Why? What's goin' on?
They offered me one too.
They want me to kill the story.
MARK: I promise to get
to the bottom of this.
Who better to get to the bottom,
'cause I can't sink any lower!
[LAUGHTER]
MARK: And I promise you a
full inquiry into myself!
Well, how can I look
into myself, you ask?
Well, ha! Well, that's easy!
'Cause I was born with
my head up my arse!
[LAUGHTER]
Who the hell is that?
- That's our son.
- [APPLAUSE BELOW]
[MARY CHUCKLES]
Some people, they say I'm two-faced.
Well, huh they're right!
I got two faces!
One here
and one there!
[CROWD JEERING AND BOOING]
Well, I think we're gonna dodge on.
Thanks for the tea.
MARK: Give it up for the Premier.
- Mary.
- [APPLAUSE BELOW]
So, that's that, huh?
Probably for the best.
Would have been nice, though.
This is nicer.
C'mon, let's go get Pop and Mark.
We got some yellin' to do.
Sorry, Pop, I should have
checked in with you first.
Ah, nonsense.
Not only did you do an impression
you made one.
[CHUCKLES]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sometimes
you can say the unsayable
with a joke, because sometimes
the funniest joke is the truth.
Even in our darkest days,
we still find ways to laugh.
NEWS ANCHOR: [TV]
The Premier announced today
that the federal government
will extend fishery workers'
financial supports for another 10 weeks.
Union reps say it's not
much, but it's a help.
I guess we showed 'em.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): No matter
how scary something is,
you take away its power
when you laugh at it.
MIKE JR: What?
I had a message from Mr. Bartlett.
He offered me a job at VOCM.
Oh, that that's amazing!
Head of the news department.
But that's Dad's job.
No. Uh Congratulations!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
Where there's laughter,
there's still hope.
MIKE SR: The Premier says he
will not be seeking a third term.
He will step aside, putting
a button on a long career
in the public service.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): But
he who laughs last
GREG THOMEY: [TV] Fair?
Look, I'm not talking about fair!
I work for Unemployment Canada!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
There's no controlling
the things you can't control.
All you can do is laugh.
[LAUGHS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
GREG THOMEY: [TV] Yes,
ignore that deficit!
Come, be part of the Jerry Boyle team.
Come, be part of the
Jerry Boyle momentum.
Ignoring the deficit together.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): They say
comedy is tragedy plus time.
In Newfoundland, we had plenty of both.
POP: See, now, that there
that's comedy.
Now, that's what you
should be doing, Mark!
Something with an edge.
You could stick it to
the arseholes in power.
Make a difference.
- You think so, Pop?
- Oh, I know so.
The news today is so depressing.
The only thing you can
do is just laugh at it.
The Premier's approval
ratings are at an all-time low,
with some within his own party
calling for him to step down.
- Case in point.
- [CLICKS REMOTE]
PREMIER: [TV] Some are
calling for my resignation.
But it's simply not backupable!
The last crowd sold the shop!
It's not my fault the
arse is out of 'er!
It's the crowd in Ottawa.
[MIMICKING PREMIER] They sold the shop!
It's simply not backupable!
The arse is out of 'er,
and I'm just the man to put it back!
If anyone can make an
arse of it, it's me.
Yes, now!
That's what I'm talking about!
Ha-ha!
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES]
Hey, Mom, do you, uh,
have that suitcase?
Right here, all ready for ya.
So, must be gettin' serious if you're
heading to Ontario to see Amanda.
I don't know, Mom,
she's been away to school
for like a year and a half now,
and we talk on the phone all the time.
And I just haven't really felt
this way about anyone before.
You like her, right?
She's lovely.
All right.
You call me as soon as
you land, you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
[PHONE RINGING]
[MARY SIGHS]
Mary! Who's calling the
house at this ungodly hour?
I'm not a G.D. mind-reader!
Critch residence. How you do?
Oh, it's so nice to hear from you.
Yes, we would love to get together.
[IN A WHISPER] No, no!
Well, we will see you then.
[IN A WHISPER] No! No!
Oh! Goodbye.
- Who was that?
- That was Ellie.
The Premier's wife.
What the hell did she want?
She invited us to afternoon
tea with her and her husband
at the Confederation Building.
Tea? With the Premier?
And his wife!
There has to be a reason.
Why can't I be the reason?
Ellie and I really hit it off in Ottawa!
We had a lovely time!
Mary, I can't be socializing
with the Premier, all right?
I'm writing a story about him.
I need to maintain a distance.
We're not going.
Oh, yes, we are.
And I'll need a new dress.
[SCOFFS] A new dress?
A new dress.
Well, I need an Aspirin.
And a TUMS.
- Night, Pop.
- Yeah.
[CLICKING REMOTE]
Oh, God, I can't get
this clicker to click.
It's never worked properly, this thing.
It's okay, Pop.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It was just a remote,
but I knew it meant more.
Pop was slipping, piece by piece,
and it tore at my heart.
Wait, wait
Will you wake me up
on your way to school?
Uh, it's my alarm clock. I
I can't seem to get that to work either.
But why?
Where are you going?
A wake.
Hm. Anyone I know?
Yes.
Newfoundland.
I mean, the fishery's gone under,
and the government,
they're dead on their feet,
blind to the mess right in front of 'em.
Another protest?
Not really a protest. It's
it's more of a peaceful sit-in.
Pop, you can't go alone.
Not anymore.
Look, I'm not a child.
Don't tell your parents.
Okay. I won't.
But I'm going with you.
Don't you have school?
Didn't you say there's
no better education
than seeing history take place
in front of your own eyes?
Did I?
Yeah
I think I did.
Good to see that you've been listening!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Pop had
watched over me my whole life.
Now, it was my turn to watch over him.
You need a ride to the
Premier's tea party, Mike?
Gee
Keep it down, will ya,
Dick? I gotta be careful.
Careful? What for?
Reliable sources told me
there's a scandal brewing
in the Premier's office.
Oh, yes, b'y What about?
Something to do with a big
contract that wasn't tendered.
If it's true, this
could be the final blow
to the Premier's hold on power.
But don't be telling anybody about it
until I get it all sorted. I
shouldn't even have told you.
'Course, my b'y! Won't tell a soul.
Hey, Mike, heard about
your tea with the Premier.
Not another soul.
Ah, well, sir, I could cancel that.
I mean, it is during working hours
Oh, no, no, no. In fact, take the day.
But listen, you gotta do me a favour.
Put in a good word for me.
I got a piece of land I
need the province to rezone.
Now, I donated top dollar
to that arsehole's campaign;
I can't get my foot in the door!
So, I would appreciate it if
you propped it open for me.
Well, sir, you know, I
don't think it'd be approp
Keep up the good work!
Don't worry about me,
Mike. I don't want nothin'.
He's the Premier, Dick.
Not Santy Claus.
MIKE JR: This place it's just so big.
I'm just glad you had
a chance to see it.
It's hard to believe
I'm graduating soon.
Then you'll be back home.
Mike
I have a job offer.
Back home? That's great!
No, here. In Ottawa.
It's a copywriting position,
but in a year or two,
I could be on air. It's
not much, but it's a start.
Y-yeah.
Geez, I-I
I guess I just thought you'd come back
and work at the station.
As what?
Logo girl?
Mike
There just aren't any slots at VOCM.
But this new job, it could
lead to serious journalism.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Serious is, uh it's great.
[POIGNANT MUSIC]
♪
- [SIGHS]
- This is a story.
This is tea, and we are guests.
Please, Mike, just put your
press pass away for once, hmm?
[DRUM THUMPING]
[DRUM THUMPING]
POP: Ah, hi.
Here.
What's with the black bands, Pop?
We're in mourning for the fishery.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
This won't do. Where's
the Premier's face?
Oh, it's perfect.
He doesn't have the guts to face us.
CROWD: Yeah!
Ha-ha! Ah, I like that.
Symbolic.
All right, boys.
On three. One, two, three.
[DRUM THUMPING SLOWLY]
What's going on here?
What does it look like?
The government killed the fishery.
We're here to bury the bones.
Yeah, well, you're not
takin' that in here.
[DRUM CONTINUES THUMPING]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): At first,
I thought I was only there
to watch over Pop, but
standing in that line,
shoulder to shoulder, I felt it:
the weight of history
and my place in it.
Now I just had to keep from
ending up in the casket myself.
[DRUM THUMPING SLOWLY]
[STRAINING]
Splinter, splinter.
All right, all right.
Stop the bloody drumming.
All right, let 'er down. Nice and easy.
MARK: [IN A WHISPER] Pop!
Mom and Dad are here!
POP: Impossible.
MARK: I'm supposed to be at school.
Get down, b'y.
Okay
MARK: Oh, Jesus. That was too close.
[SIGHS] Okay, made your point.
Let's go home, Pop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not leaving.
This is a sit-in.
At my age, that's my favourite part.
Now, sit!
All right, everyone.
[FISHERMAN PLAYING JIM
PAYNE'S "EMPTY NETS" ON GUITAR]
But it's empty nets ♪
That's what he gets ♪
When you're out on the water ♪
No time for regrets ♪
Those empty nets ♪
That's what he gets ♪
How's a poor fisherman ♪
To pay off his debts ♪
When he goes out each morning ♪
To haul empty nets ♪
♪
You can blame it on foreigners ♪
Blame it on feds ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Cast all the blame
on each other instead ♪
But when all's said and done ♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): For once,
I was avoiding the spotlight.
PREMIER: We've been meaning
to do this ever since Ottawa.
Haven't we, Ellie?
Absolutely! And we had such a
lovely time together, didn't we?
- Oh!
- And I gave your husband
that wonderful exclusive.
Remember? Meech Lake.
Of course I remember. You were so kind.
PREMIER: You were the first to report
that I was walking out
on talks with Quebec.
We both come off lookin' pretty good.
About time we had some good
news for a change, I figures.
Yeah, that was a big one for us.
I notice there's a bit of a story
brewing downstairs today.
It looked like a fisheries protest?
PREMIER: Ah, let's put politics aside.
Nothing better than a feed of sandwiches
and a good mug up.
Or does a cup of tea
count as a bribe, Mike?
[LAUGHTER]
[MARY CLEARS THROAT]
[PLAYING "I'SE THE B'Y" ON INSTRUMENTS]
[CROWD CLAPPING TO BEAT]
♪
So, now we're having a party?
No, it's not a party.
This is an Irish wake.
We gotta give her a proper send-off!
♪
GUARD: All right!
You're making too much of a racket!
You all have to leave.
The Premier needs to see this!
He's not in the building!
Liar!
I happen to know my son is
meeting with him as we speak!
[CROWD EXCLAIMING AND MUTTERING]
[SPUTTERING]
To give him a piece of his mind!
CROWD: Yeah!
Yeah! We want the Premier!
Okay, everybody calm down!
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
GUARD: Easy, easy, boys.
Take it down a notch, guys.
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): We'd gone from a wake
to a kitchen party to a circus
and Pop was the ringleader.
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
Mike, I've always admired
your journalistic integrity.
Not something I can say about
many in your field these days.
Oh, why, thank you, Premier.
There's something I'd like
to show you in the other room.
[SIGHS] Yeah.
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
Yes, well, give us a chance
to catch up, eh, Mary?
And, um
MARY: Oh!
It's a little early for that, isn't it?
Well, it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
[CHUCKLES]
5:30 in Newfoundland.
ELLIE: Oh! [CHUCKLES]
MARY: Oh my!
- A little bit more?
- Ooh, whoa
Okay, there. [CHUCKLES]
[LOUNGE-STYLE MUSIC]
♪
MIKE JR: There's nothin'
like this back home.
You know, the coffee
definitely beats the VOCM stuff.
[LAUGHS]
Look, Amanda, if you're
gonna stay in Ottawa
maybe I should stay with you.
Yeah. I'll get a job.
I mean, I'm sure there's
gotta be a radio station
or somethin', right?
[CHUCKLES]
That's sweet
But is that what you want?
You're what I want.
Or
you're who I want.
Yeah. It sounds
[BOTH LAUGH]
I just wanna be where you are.
And this time apart has
really made me realize that.
If that's what you want.
[FISHERMAN PLAYING JIM
PAYNE'S "EMPTY NETS" ON GUITAR]
FISHERMAN: How can
they feed multitudes ♪
On fishes so small ♪
How can they feed families ♪
On no fish at all ♪
Get down on your knees ♪
For a miracle call ♪
We'll stick it for as long ♪
As we're able ♪
That song really sums it all up.
It really says something.
FISHERMAN: When you're out
on the water, no time ♪
You know, if you've got a voice,
you may as well use it to
say something worth hearing.
How's a poor fisherman ♪
To pay off his debts ♪
You could do that.
FISHERMAN: When he goes
out each morning to haul ♪
Well, I'm
I'm a comedian.
I wish I could write a joke
the way he writes a song.
You know, one that matters.
Plenty around here to
take the piss out of.
I mean, God knows we
could use a good laugh.
Hmm, look who it isn't.
Well, we've certainly
got their attention now.
MARK: What do you say? Head home?
Price is Right is on soon.
I hate that show.
FISHERMAN: May bankers
and loan boards ♪
Not stand in your way ♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): You didn't
need to be a meteorologist
to see there was a storm on the horizon.
'Deed I am in love with you ♪
Out all night in the foggy dew ♪
'Deed I am in love with you ♪
Mussels in the corner ♪
Ask a townie for a smoke ♪
He will say his pipe is broke ♪
Ask a bayman for a chew ♪
He will bite it off for you ♪
You know, Mike, they calls
me the singing Premier.
Well, to be honest, sir,
I've never heard you
referred to as that.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you know, I'm the
first Premier ever elected
who could play the accordion.
There must be a story in that.
That's very impressive, sir.
'Cause I've heard you're
sniffin' around about a story.
Well, to be honest, I had
heard tell of a contract
that didn't go to tender ?
[SIGHS]
Here's the truth of it, Mike.
My brother-in-law has
a little sign company.
He's stunned, but he's family.
So, he got the Soiree contract.
A few ol' buttons and
puttin' logos on hats.
That kind of thing. Small potatoes.
Well, you can buy a lot of potatoes
with a million dollars, Premier.
But we're gettin' a
lot of buttons for that!
Good ones, too!
Here
Have a button.
Mike
Chasing gossip is beneath you.
What if you came here
to work in my office?
Comms Director.
Help fix things before
they get all twisted.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- It never stops.
I said hold me calls!
A coffin?
Clear the room!
Everything all right, Premier?
Yes, good as gold, Mike, yup.
ELLIE: So, I hear you
are working for tourism.
- Just part-time.
- Oh.
We're gearing up for the big
Soiree celebration next summer.
Oh!
Well, it doesn't have to be part-time.
I know some people who could
make it full-time, easy!
- Really?
- Mm-hm!
We have to cut this short.
Oh no, we were just getting started!
We gotta leave now.
- Oh
- Oh, dear.
Oh Well.
[INDISTINCT]
ELLIE: It was lovely seeing you again.
Thank you so much.
[TENSE, INTRIGUING MUSIC]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CROWD CLAMOURING]
Pop.
We need to go, now.
Where's the Premier? Let him speak!
Let the coward show his face!
We're gonna get arrested!
- Hold the line!
- [CROWD CLAMOURING]
Come on. [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
CROWD: [CHANTING] We want the Premier!
We want the Premier!
We want the Premier!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): You can
either watch history unfold
from the sidelines, or
you can be a part of it.
Everyone needs to clear the lobby!
Now!
You're a sellout, Butt!
And your uncle's a fisherman! Shame!
Don't
That's it!
MARK: [ON MIC] Your attention, please!
[CROWD CALMS]
Ladies and gentlemen, my
apologies for the delay.
I've been very busy hiding from you.
[LAUGHTER]
MARK: I'm in the business of, uh
avoiding responsibility,
and I think I'm doing a damn fine job!
I knows you crowd are worried
about this "job security."
Well, I promise you, there's
nothing to worry about.
I got my job, and
that's all that matters!
I think that's enough said about that!
He's a funny fella, Pat.
He don't take after Mike.
That's 'cause he takes after me.
[APPLAUSE]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It's
impossible to be angry
and laugh at the same time.
That day, I learned that laughter
is the closest distance
between any two groups.
I think I got a job offer.
- Well, that figures.
- Why? What's goin' on?
They offered me one too.
They want me to kill the story.
MARK: I promise to get
to the bottom of this.
Who better to get to the bottom,
'cause I can't sink any lower!
[LAUGHTER]
MARK: And I promise you a
full inquiry into myself!
Well, how can I look
into myself, you ask?
Well, ha! Well, that's easy!
'Cause I was born with
my head up my arse!
[LAUGHTER]
Who the hell is that?
- That's our son.
- [APPLAUSE BELOW]
[MARY CHUCKLES]
Some people, they say I'm two-faced.
Well, huh they're right!
I got two faces!
One here
and one there!
[CROWD JEERING AND BOOING]
Well, I think we're gonna dodge on.
Thanks for the tea.
MARK: Give it up for the Premier.
- Mary.
- [APPLAUSE BELOW]
So, that's that, huh?
Probably for the best.
Would have been nice, though.
This is nicer.
C'mon, let's go get Pop and Mark.
We got some yellin' to do.
Sorry, Pop, I should have
checked in with you first.
Ah, nonsense.
Not only did you do an impression
you made one.
[CHUCKLES]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sometimes
you can say the unsayable
with a joke, because sometimes
the funniest joke is the truth.
Even in our darkest days,
we still find ways to laugh.
NEWS ANCHOR: [TV]
The Premier announced today
that the federal government
will extend fishery workers'
financial supports for another 10 weeks.
Union reps say it's not
much, but it's a help.
I guess we showed 'em.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): No matter
how scary something is,
you take away its power
when you laugh at it.
MIKE JR: What?
I had a message from Mr. Bartlett.
He offered me a job at VOCM.
Oh, that that's amazing!
Head of the news department.
But that's Dad's job.
No. Uh Congratulations!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
Where there's laughter,
there's still hope.
MIKE SR: The Premier says he
will not be seeking a third term.
He will step aside, putting
a button on a long career
in the public service.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): But
he who laughs last
GREG THOMEY: [TV] Fair?
Look, I'm not talking about fair!
I work for Unemployment Canada!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
There's no controlling
the things you can't control.
All you can do is laugh.
[LAUGHS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪