Workin' Moms (2017) s05e06 Episode Script

What the hell is she doing here?!
I never would've
said yes to this if I knew
she was gonna be here
Oh God, I think I'm gonna throw up.
Hey, get it down, swallow it back, okay?
- Look at me, Anne.
- Mm-hmm.
Stay calm. Pivot back to the book.
You've been training for this.
All right?
- I don't think I can do that.
- Of course you can! Just
- Okay, here we go!
- Positions!
All right in 5, 4, 3
Welcome back to "The Skinny."
Joining us on our new favourite segment,
"Agree to Disagree,"
we have parenting experts
Alicia Rutherford,
of the podcast, "Mother Knows Breast,"
and author, Anne Carlson, who well,
let's just say things got
a little heated recently
on Alicia's podcast.
- Let's take a listen.
- Shit.
I have too much respect for my listeners
to have a guest on who
promotes deadbeat parenting!
For the last time,
"hands-off parenting"
is not deadbeat parenting,
now suck a (BLEEP) chub, Alicia!
Yikes!
Lots to unpack there.
I would just like to apologize
to our younger viewers
who may have heard that.
Yes, I'm very sorry.
Let me get this straight,
you were both part of
the same parenting group
for several years?
That's right,
and this one did not make it easy.
This fuckin' bitch.
Look, while I am ashamed how
I came off on that podcast,
Alicia and I have very different
parenting philosophies.
Yeah, one of us parents,
and one does not.
- If I may,
- Mm-hmm.
everyone's entitled
to their own opinion.
But "hands-off parenting"
isn't about not being involved
in your children's lives.
It's about giving them room
to make mistakes, and grow from them.
I talk all about this
in my upcoming book,
- "Running Your Own Train."
- Yes! Solid pivot.
The "Hands-off parenting"
is respecting your kid enough
Hey, what's up?
Hey, have you seen my reflective vest?
I've been looking for it everywhere,
and I really wanna take a long ride.
No, look, I don't know where it is,
just wear yellow.
It's basically the same thing.
It is not the same thing at all.
I can't talk about this right now,
I gotta go.
I guess I just feel that
your free-range approach
is more about freeing up the parents.
Sorry, where is your
14-year-old daughter now?
She's at home with her Dad.
Who, I'm sure I don't need to point out,
is also her parent,
and is uh, perfectly capable
of caring for her while I,
too, focus on my career.
Well, I gotta say, Anne,
hearing you talk more about your book,
it all sounds so forward-thinking.
- Why, thank you, Tanya
- If you wanna call it that.
What's that now?
Well, I just don't think
it's very forward-thinking
to take advice from a
woman who killed her baby.
And we're fucked.
What I think Alicia is referring to
is my very legal abortion.
A very private piece of
information to bring up
in a very public space.
However, I have nothing to hide.
And I feel very grateful
to live in a country
where women have choices.
Yes! Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
I think it's clear that these two
"Agree to Disagree!"
We're gonna take a quick break.
And when we come back,
we'll be talking all about
everybody's favourite new spice,
za'atar.
That was great. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm. Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Oh no.
What the hell was that?
You knew about that!
- You set me up!
- What?
Oh! Would you two relax!
I heard your blow-up on the podcast,
and sent it in.
- And thank God I did.
- Shit.
Well, I was wrong to worry
about your temperament,
that shit's gold.
I saw the whole thing
from the control room,
and I gotta say,
you give a hell of a bitch slap!
What the hell is wrong with you?!
Your book might actually sell now,
how about a thank you?
Fuck you! You know what, I'm
I'm gonna self-publish.
Well, sadly, the contract you signed
with Wynston Publishing prohibits that.
- It's not a fight you can win.
- Hmm.
Are you not gonna say anything?
I mean, she's right,
this is gonna help your book.
You killed it up there.
You pull out now,
you're only gonna hurt yourself.
She's not wrong.
Look, I know you're upset.
Okay? I get it.
Do you? Because I feel
like I'm talking to Sloane!
Come on.
You're supposed to have my back.
What are we even about if
you flip the second "Heels"
over there snaps her fingers?
I operate independently from "Heels."
Oh yeah, so then tell me
why my publicist set me up
to have my abortion outed for ratings?!
How many times do I have
to tell you I didn't know
- she was gonna be here!
- Yeah, well, she was!
- You fucked up!
- I hate Alicia too, okay
I'm really sorry about that.
But look, you already hit her,
what do you wanna do now?
Follow her out?
Leave nasty notes on her car?
- I mean
- No!
Alicia's gonna be Alicia.
I expect that from her.
But you? I bet even now,
you're thinking about
how great this is gonna be for the book!
Uh
Oh wow! Wow.
It is gonna be great for the book!
Who the fuck are you right now?!
It
it is gonna be good for the book!
It is gonna be good for the book.
When the 26-year-old
Coyne Realty sales rep
hurled through the sky in a
torrent of shattered glass.
I think she's in here.
Nope, not here.
I'll tell her you called, Bianca.
is fully cooperating
with the ongoing investigation.
You wanna tell me why I gotta keep lying
- to the mother of my egg?!
- Well, I'm sorry,
but I don't know if you noticed,
an employee died under my watch.
I just don't know what to do, okay?
Um
Look, I know you don't think
that I'm intelligent
or capable of dealing with like
real shit,
but I know when to ask for help.
And you you need help.
I think it's a little late for help.
You're right, you can't save that kid.
But your business,
that shit's still alive, it's just like,
at the bottom of a well.
But you got nothin' but fancy friends
who have rope and shit,
who can pull you out.
So, mural of the story
call one of 'em up.
Holy shit!
I'm a life coach.
Nice.
Alexa, add air freshener
to my shopping list.
I've added air freshener
to your shopping list.
Okay. Thank God.
When's the last time you left this room?
Who cares? Nothing matters.
Look, I know you're going
through a rough time right now.
And believe it or not,
your Dad actually got dumped
a lot before your Mom,
so I know what you're going through.
Dad, please.
I'm too sad to hear
obvious things right now.
Okay.
Well you might find it
hard to believe,
but you're gonna get
over this Bennett kid.
You're gonna find
somebody else in this big,
round, spherical,
definitely overheating world.
Bennett was the love of my life.
I'm never gonna get over him.
Okay, that's it! We're going out!
Ow! Child abuse!
looks like it's going down.
I am very sorry to interrupt you,
but there's an urgent matter
you need to attend to,
urgently.
- Can't it wait?
- I'm afraid not.
See, if it could wait,
then it wouldn't be urgent.
Okay, uh, um
folks, let's reconvene later, yeah?
Okay.
Bye, Karen.
What's so important, Jenny?
Nothing important ever
happens at Techcellent,
- you ding-dong.
- Is this about the other night,
because I really don't
wanna talk about it.
Then shut up, and take off your pants.
Ah, what the hell.
Yeah, you like what you see?
- Oh yeah.
- Do you
- Uh-huh!
- gay boy!
I'm sorry, what'd you just say?
I'm fucking with you,
it's like, our thing.
- Right, okay, yeah.
- Yeah, you horny little homo!
Jenny, maybe just shut up.
Seriously, you want me to like,
- stick a finger in your butt?
- Are you still kidding?
Well, do you want me to be?
Or do you maybe want me
- to use my whole fist?
- Okay, Jesus, Jenny! No!
Wait, what are oh!
What are you doing?
Why are you putting your pants on?
Because you're acting
really weird, okay?!
You, you don't get it.
I'm trying to be all the things for you.
No, you don't get it!
I gotta get back to work.
- Gah!
- Seriously?
Well, don't you at least
want me to finish you off?
- I'm here, so
- I'm good! Thank you.
Anne, seriously, please call me back.
So Wynston just sent
over Rat Girl images,
and I laid them out on your desk.
- They're like, really good!
- Okay, thank you, Rosie.
Oh, also
Hey, Frankie.
Oh. Frankie, I um
What are you doing here?
I came to ask for some help, but
what the
this is Rat Girl.
- Did you steal this from Rhoda?
- Okay
I know how this looks,
but let me just explain, because
Explain what?
That this is purely coincidental,
and has nothing to do with ripping off
a five-year-old child's artwork?
- Wow!
- Hey, Frank
Frankie?
Fuck!
Here we go, a little sweet treat
to sweeten the mood.
It feels good to be outside, doesn't it?
I guess.
Who eats figs with their frozen yogurt?
Same guy who enjoys being
regular three times a day.
Dad, gross!
- Oh my God!
- What?
Oh!
- Little right-wing turd!
- He already met somebody else?
Don't panic. Don't panic!
Us, Carlsons,
we always take the high road.
So we'll just pretend
like he's not even here.
- Oh my God, he's coming over!
- What?!
Just be cool! Be cool!
Hey, Alice.
Mr. Carlson. Uh
- this is my girlfriend, Vivian.
- Hi.
Vivian, this is the girl
who got me suspended.
- She uh, talked me into
- That's not exactly
- what happened, you're
- Alice! I'm speaking.
Hey! Don't talk to my daughter that way!
Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.
You know, here's a thought,
why don't you try teaching
your daughter some manners,
so I don't have to.
Aah! Oh!
- Oh my God! Dad!
- Oh my God, I am so sorry!
I am so sorry. Are you okay?
Do you, do you need some ice with that?
- What the hell, man?!
- Honey!
- What are you doing?
- I don't even know!
- Just
- Why were you spinning him?
- I thought it might disorient him!
- What'd he
Jesus, Jenny, what are you doing?
I'm woke, but I'm in pain.
Is this about that Peter Pan dude?
I'm just so confused right now.
I'm trying to embrace his inner pan,
but it feels like
everything I do is wrong.
Well, it sounds like you
actually like this guy.
Duh! Are you even listening?
God, it would just be so much easier
if he didn't want to
be with anybody else.
Okay, so have you tried
telling him how you feel?
- What? No!
- Why not?
Well, for the very obvious reason
that he hasn't told me how he feels yet.
You poor little stunted dumb-dumb!
- Uh
- You actually think
you have to wait for him to
tell you how he feels first?
That's that's so pathetic.
Ugh!
Ohhh! Ohhh!
Ah! Oh shit.
- Hello.
- Hello, Mrs. Foster?
I'm calling from St. Celine's,
and I'm wondering if anybody
will be picking up Charlie?
I'm so sorry,
my husband was supposed to pick them up.
I'm on my way right now.
Oh, fucking Nathan! Unbelievable!
Hello? Who am I speaking with?
Uh, who am I speaking with,
and why do you have my husband's phone?
Ms. Foster,
I'm a nurse at Morningside Hospital.
Your husband has been in an accident.
What? What happened? Is, is he okay?
All the information I have right now
is that he was out biking,
and was hit by a car.
Oh my God!
He's currently in our emergency care.
- Oh my God!
- You know, if your husband
is going to be out biking near sunrise,
he really should be
wearing reflective gear.
Ohhhhh sh
Doctor, please dial 379.
Doctor, please dial 379,
- Kate!
- Kate!
Oh my God, I'm so happy to see you guys!
- How's Nathan?
- Yeah, have you heard anything more?
Well, all I know is that
he's in surgery right now.
Um, I just keep um oh God!
I keep picturing him lying there,
you know,
just alone, and just
guts spilling out of him, you know?
His spleen rolling down the road.
Lying in a bed of shattered glass.
- Dude.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
- I just, like, what if?
You know?
I cannot be a single Mom.
I know some Moms are like, great at it,
but I'm not one of those Moms,
I can barely be a married Mom,
so just
Hey, look at me.
That is not gonna happen.
- Nathan is gonna be fine, okay?
- She's right,
we gotta stay positive,
put good vibes out
- into the universe.
- Okay, thank you.
I don't know what I'd do
without you guys here, I mean
after today I fucked up so many times,
I don't even know how to
begin to say I'm sorry.
It's fine, it's all good.
We're gonna get through this together,
no matter what.
No matter what.
Mrs. Foster?
I'm afraid there's no
easy way to say this.
Oh my God.
It was a testicle tear.
A w
- Later.
- Yeah, bye.
Huh? Wait, where you guys going?
What happened to, "no matter what?"
He also broke a rib,
but the crux of the problem
really is the testicles.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh my God!
I'm so sorry I was so short
with you on the phone earlier,
this is all my fault.
I feel
like the ocean would be a
really cool place to live.
- What the fuck?
- Oh, painkillers.
Oh, gotcha.
We're gonna keep him
overnight for observation.
Get those soldiers marching again.
Appreciate it.
And once you get him home,
you'll have to change
the dressing two or three times a day,
But he will make a full recovery.
Eventually.
You heard what I said
about the ocean, right?
- Oh yeah, no, I did.
- Yeah. Good down there.
What?
Mind if I come in?
It's not like I have a choice.
I get it.
You must be pretty upset.
It can't have been easy to see
Bennett with that other girl.
But you know he's kind
of a douche, right?
I don't know.
I just liked the way he looked at me.
He seemed to really like me.
I know that's dumb.
No, that's not dumb at all.
But just so we're clear,
what I did today was not cool.
Okay? I shouldn't have
lost my temper like that,
and violence is never the answer.
- Well, he kinda deserved it.
- I know, he did, right?
But no. No, no, no.
No, we don't hit kids.
And uh, we don't tell your Mother
about your Dad
hitting children.
- You liked it.
- Oh yeah, you got that right!
I mean, when you think about it,
I had the disadvantage
in the fight, after all, I
I could've been seriously hurt.
He had youth on his side. For one.
I have unsettlingly low bone density.
I mean, I take calcium, but I'm
Wait, is something wrong
with your bones?
What? No! No. No, no, no, Honey.
I mean, probably, but the point is,
don't give up hope.
There are a lot of great guys out there.
Yeah, Dad. There are.
Jenny, what are you doing lingering
outside my home like a psycho?
I need to talk to you.
Yeah, well, now's not exactly the time,
I'm kind of on a date,
so why don't you go home, yeah?
- No!
- What do you mean, "no?!"
Look, this is hard for me, okay?
I apologize for all the stuff
I said back at your office.
Obviously I don't get
all of this pan stuff,
but what I do know is that
I don't wanna share you, okay?
Jenny, you're acting like a brat, okay?
I'm sorry, but you know the deal.
Come on, let's go.
- No, wait! Stop!
- What?
I don't want to share you because
because I'm pregnant.
What'd you just say?
Are you fucking with me?
I'm not.
Shit! Uh
Hm
Welcome home.
What are you doing here?
Look, I got two very tired
kids that I gotta put down.
Well, I called your office,
and Rosie told me what happened.
I'm really sorry.
Your husband gonna be okay?
Uh yeah, thanks. No, he's gonna be fine.
- I-I appreciate your concern.
- Of course!
It was just a tear to the um
- Well, it was a testicle tear.
- Oh!
Well, you guys had a good run.
It isn't the end of our marriage.
Well, good for you,
way to stick that out.
Uh-huh.
Anyway,
you've obviously got your hands full,
but uh, I'm gonna leave you to it.
So if there's anything I can do,
let me know.
- There is actually something.
- Okay.
I know how this is
going to sound, but
what would it take to let
Anne out of her contract?
And drop Rat Girl? It's not mine.
I stole it from a five-year-old,
I know, I'm not proud of it.
Drop Rat Girl, are you kidding?
I'm thinkin' of being her for Halloween.
And as for Anne
a contract's a contract.
Sloane, please,
could you do this for me?
What is the end game here, Honey?
Is it working with me? 'Cause if it is,
let me give you some advice.
Trying to work with your
friends is like sticking
your feet in two different boats.
You know how that ends, right?
You ever seen a cartoon?
Sure, it's like
a middle splits situation.
That's right.
Pick a boat, Kate.
Yeah, yeah, I'm comin'.
Oh, for God's sake. Ah!
Anne? Anne, are you in here?
Guess it's time to pick a boat.