Abbott Elementary (2021) s05e07 Episode Script

1
Everybody, I am excited to announce
that I am officially a grandmother.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- [MELISSA CHEERING]
- Congrats.
- To a beautiful healthy baby girl
- named Zara.
- Oh, yes.
[MELISSA] It's really a great name.
And I captured her very first portrait.
- Yay. Let's see.
- Oh.
- [GASPS]
- [JACOB WHIMPERS]
Yes, look at her.
That-That-That must've been,
like, right after the birth, huh?
- [JANINE] I love Barb
- [GREGORY] Yeah.
But newborn babies are
Ugly. They're all ugly.
That's a strong word. Accurate.
That's the roughest newborn
I've ever seen.
She is a stunner.
- [SIGHS] A diva in the making.
- [BOTH] Mmm.
[AVA] Oh, yeah,
that baby is a stunner all right.
I'm stunned. [CHUCKLES]
Damn.
Hey, but you know what,
it's like cinnamon rolls.
You can't take a picture of them when
they first come out of the oven, right?
You gotta let them cool down,
then you put some icing on them.
I don't know where I was going with that.
I never had a baby.
She's destined for stardom.
Just like her grandma.
[BARBARA] Oh, Jacob, thank you.
To be fair,
I didn't take a good photo until I was 12
when I had a small window
between acne and braces.
Can't relate.
Came out of the womb camera ready,
unlike Barbara's ugly grandchild.
Barb, do you have
any other pictures of the baby?
Maybe something from later?
- Why, yes, I do.
- [JANINE] Okay.
Taylor sent me this one this morning.
- Oh.
- [GREGORY] Ooh.
- [MELISSA] That's it.
- [AVA] That's cute.
You gotta let 'em sit for a bit.
- [AVA CLEARS THROAT]
- [GREGORY] Mm-hmm.
- Adorable.
- Beautiful.
["HOLD 'EM" PLAYING]
Wonderful work, everybody, wonderful.
If there were grades to be given,
I'd give you all A-pluses.
CC, sweetheart, I have noticed
that you are a tad bit disengaged.
I just don't think music is for me.
Is it my superb teaching to blame,
or are you just not interested
in an after-school program?
No, I want to be in a club.
Well, what about step club?
I don't think I do too well with rhythm.
I wouldn't disagree.
We don't have
that many after-school programs.
Is there one you want to join?
Actually
Uh, Gregory, one of my music students
is rhythmically challenged
and would like to join
your garden goofball troupe.
I can work with that. What's his name?
- Well, the goofball is a girl.
- [JANINE, JACOB GASP]
Wh [STUTTERS] Her name is CC.
But the goofballs are just boys, right?
I mean, I guess it did turn into a
boys club, but she can absolutely join.
Gardening is for everyone.
Aw. My man is so inclusive.
Well, wonderful,
because there's no other option.
She can't stand golf,
and she says that podcasts
are for people who can't sit in silence.
Okay. Decent read on podcasts.
Hey, let me know
if, uh, you need any help.
New dynamics in the group
can be kind of tricky,
and I am sort of, you know,
the club father here at Abbott.
- The what was that?
- The club The club father.
[SCOFFS] I do wish there were more options
for the girls, though.
You know what? I'm gonna talk to Ava today
about allocating some funds
to start my fashion club,
or [LAUGHS] I can just let my outfit
do the talking for me.
It is it is loud.
[JANINE] Right?
Well, I don't know
what I'm gonna do, Barb.
I think I'm just gonna have to kill him.
[LAUGHS]
Well, let's get a second opinion.
- Okay.
- Oh.
Ms. Alomar, why don't you join us?
Yeah, don't worry, it's not about work.
It's girl talk. Come on.
All right, sure.
- Go on, tell her what you told me.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
So I'm dating this
guy, Captain Robinson,
and he forgot my guinea pig's birthday.
And then has the nerve to tell me
it's not that big a deal.
[BARBARA] Mmm, mmm, mmm.
I don't know what to do about it.
I suggested she give him
the silent treatment.
Oh, so no talking whatsoever?
Precisely. He will know exactly
what you feel when you don't tell him.
- Is that so?
- My mother did it.
Her mother before her, she did it.
You know, you pass these things
through generations for a reason.
Like a recipe for relationships.
I know I said I wasn't gonna
get involved in personal matters,
but this is too good to pass up,
this type of older woman
generational trauma is my crucible.
It's like I'm a mechanic,
and they're a car whose check-engine-light
has been on for decades.
I can't not fix it.
Ah, Ava. I want to start a fashion club.
[BOTH GIGGLING]
Unless you know how to fix the heat,
get out of my office.
No, I'm serious.
Look, I love fashion,
and I think it could
be another creative outlet for our kids.
Please, you bought that outfit
at Build-A-Bear.
I'm gonna have to take over
your fashion club
just like I had to take over
your step club.
You didn't have to take over,
you just did.
You are not capable
of running a fashion club.
I almost made you
wear a uniform this year.
Okay, I'm gonna prove to you that I can.
I'm gonna make a presentation
that shows what the club will be about
and why it's important
that we have it, and you'll see.
You'll all see.
Do you want this open or closed?
- Closed, please.
- Okay.
Okay, everyone,
say hi to the newest goofball, CC.
That's a girl.
Yes. Yes, it is, Terrence.
You have seen them before.
Hi, everyone.
But we're boys. This club's for boys.
No, no, it's not.
Only boys have joined up until this point,
but you don't need to be a boy
to harvest basil.
It's garden goof boys, not goof girls.
Again, no, it's not.
It's garden goofballs.
Goofballs implies it's for boys.
Okay, when I named it goofballs,
that's not what I meant,
but if that's what you think
it's been this whole time,
- then wow.
- So there's really just gonna be a girl
- in here now?
- Yeah.
It's gonna be fine. Okay?
Hey, guys, what's up?
That's a girl.
[SIGHS]
I know you were just trying to say hi,
but if you can leave some space
between my car and your bike
when I'm driving, that'd be great.
I wanted to make sure that you saw me,
but, yeah, don't ride so close. Got it.
Now tell me, how did it go yesterday
with your newest girleen goofball?
[GRUNTS] Not well. The boys iced her out.
Oh, my God. Did any of 'em speak to her?
What did you do?
- How did How did she react
- It's 7:15.
Can you please
ask me one question at a time?
Yeah.
Things were just off. Nobody was talking.
It's The goofballs doesn't work
if nobody's goofing.
Look, I know you are too proud to ask,
but I think I could be
of some assistance here.
Mm-hmm. The space I asked you for
on the road, it also applies here.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
[ANNOUNCER] Twenty more minutes, everyone.
I hope you got your own broom
because mine is busy.
- What's all this?
- [JANINE SIGHS]
I'm trying to put
together a fashion club,
and I have to present some ideas to Ava.
I can be of service.
I studied under Anna Wintour.
She was working on the second floor,
and I was on the first.
I don't think that you
Wait a second.
So I want the kids to do projects,
but I also want them
to learn about fashion history,
and maybe I could use you.
I used to be a model.
I suppose I could try doing it
with my clothes on.
Okay. So I've been learning
that during World War One,
a lot of the men started wearing
high-waisted trousers,
and Mr. Johnson,
you are pretty high-waisted.
I'll save you the trouble. 36, 24.36.
All right. Well, I want to
put some clothes on you
and then take some pictures
for this poster board.
And if this takes off,
I can use you to show the students
tailoring on a live model.
Anything for the kids.
Plus I need to update my portfolio.
I got a go-see next week.
Okay, well,
meet me here right after school.
- Okay. Clean this up.
- Okay.
I'm not playing.
- Thank you.
- Hey, ladies.
I had so much fun
sitting with you the other day.
Do you mind if I join again?
- Please Yeah.
- Please have a seat, Ms. Alomar,
- so we can hear you.
- [MELISSA] Yeah.
- So tall, amazing, statuesque.
- [MELISSA] Mmm.
So how's it going with your guy?
Haven't spoken in 14 hours.
He's in hell, so am I.
Everything's going according to plan.
You know, funnily
enough, uh, I'm a little
upset with my boyfriend this week too.
- Oh.
- Oh. Too bad.
So I was wondering,
with this silent treatment,
how long does it typically last?
- As long as it takes.
- Yeah.
Right? Indefinitely, if you need to.
Isn't that weird, though, like,
not knowing when you're gonna make up?
It's an if, dear, not a when.
But couldn't it be a when if you just,
I don't know, talk to him?
- Well. Yeah.
- Maybe.
It might be easier than, you know,
stewing in feelings he's not aware of.
And ignoring him for, like, a month.
- Or longer.
- Or longer.
Right, or longer.
Okay, so let me get this right.
You talk to him,
and then what-what are you expecting?
He'd know how I feel,
and we could talk it out,
and maybe resolve the problem.
- Huh.
- Mmm.
Anyway, just wanted to share
an option that's worked for me,
but I'm sure your way
has its perks as well.
Hey. Just checking in.
What's, uh, what's the temp today?
Frigid. They're still not talking.
Well, I am here
to help defrost the situation.
After all, I am the club father.
"My students are getting married."
You got to stop
hanging out with Melissa, man.
What's up, kids? We hanging, kicking it?
Got room for one more?
Sure.
So, what are our thoughts
on the new Switch?
I don't know. Never played it.
Well, personally, I think
nothing could ever touch the GameCube.
I don't even know what the "GameCube" is.
Mr. C, did you really just come here
to talk about game consoles?
Any other thoughts?
- No.
- No.
Very well.
Looks like you all as a collective unit
are over this conversation.
- You're welcome.
- What the hell was that?
You know what, Gregory,
sometimes I forget
that you are not as seasoned as I am.
I just made myself the common enemy,
and as someone who has accidentally
been the common enemy many times,
I can attest it really helps
bring people together.
Guys, just be yourselves, okay?
We've had new members before,
it's no different.
The Sixers are cursed.
We need to get through
one season with no injuries.
Did you guys hear Phillies
getting a women's basketball team?
Anyway, uh, I think the Eagles got a
shot at the Super Bowl again this year.
Guys, be yourself more inclusively.
[FARTS]
[GOOFBALLS GIGGLING]
Hello, ladies. How are we today?
Any new girl talk updates?
Actually, yes.
Gerald and I were watching TV last night,
and he was open-mouth chewing
some cashews, rather loudly,
and so I decided to address the issue
using your talking method.
You-You told him how it makes you feel?
I most certainly did.
I simply said,
"Gerald, your chewing those nuts
in my ear is driving me nuts."
Which was a good one.
Wow. [CHUCKLES]
Okay, and how did he respond?
If you can believe it, wonderfully.
I don't know the silent treatment is
it's been working for me.
Well, I can't tell you
not to use your methods, Melissa,
but for me, and I guess Barbara here,
sometimes speaking directly
about how you're feeling
can be the healthier option.
I don't think
I like the way you just said that.
She's starting to sound
like that Zoom doctor
that I overhear every Tuesday night
from Jacob's room.
[GASPS] You are therapizing us.
I wouldn't say it like that.
Well, how about this,
Ms. Talk-about-your-feelings.
I feel like I've been doing a pretty
great job for the last
couple of decades.
And I don't need
some Gen A therapy Doogie Howser
- I'm 40.
- [MELISSA] coming in here
and telling me my communication style
with my lover is "unhealthy."
[SCOFFS]
Mmm.
What she said.
[GOOFBALLS GIGGLING]
Okay, what did you guys do
with my basil plant?
Oh, wow. Look at the size of that thing.
Must've grown overnight.
I know you guys replaced my plant.
Nah, you just got the magic touch.
Just give it back. This is dumb.
All right, all right, chill.
It's in the cabinet right there.
Wow, that was so stupid.
Nah, it's funny.
You just don't get it
because you're a girl.
No, I don't get it 'cause it's stupid.
[FARTS] You get that?
Hey, hey, hey, what's going on? [STAMMERS]
- Damn.
- They are pranking me,
and somehow they think this is funny.
That's still good.
See, you get it. It's a funny guy thing.
No, you guys are isolating her,
and you wouldn't be pranking her
if she were a boy.
Exactly.
Okay. This club is supposed to be a
safe space for gardening and community.
Anyone is welcome.
If you continue to make
CC feel like she's not,
then I will send all of you
to the principal's office.
Really, Mr. Eddie?
Really.
And if that's too much to ask,
then maybe you're not supposed
to be in this club anymore.
Your grades aren't bad, Brianna. We
just gotta get you showing up to class.
Ah! Ava, I have finished my presentation.
Janine, can't you see I'm with a student?
Sorry.
Hi, Brianna, this is only
gonna take a second, okay? [CLEARS THROAT]
Hold on to your hats and forget
everything you knew about hats.
Fashion Club is gonna be huge.
We're talking live model demonstrations,
cross-decade trend analysis,
a deep dive into the fashions
of different social classes,
inventing a new kind of clothing,
the sock scot.
What's that? It's a sock ascot.
Okay, I'm cutting you off.
Okay.
[AVA] Despite you getting
Mr. Johnson and Knickerbockers,
the answer is still no.
Why? Can't you see my passion for fashion?
What I see is what you're wearing.
Look at my fit. Now look at yours.
You're not fashion.
It's not giving. [CHUCKLES]
You did not eat.
Now sashay away before I sashay
something to offend you.
Okay.
I just really thought the school
could benefit from a club like this.
[SIGHS]
- Now, Brianna
- Miss Teagues' club sounded cool.
No, it didn't.
I like Miss Teagues' outfits.
They're fun, not boring like our fits.
If I was in a club like that,
I think I'd be showing up
to this stank school more.
You need to get back to class.
[GREGORY] Sorry, I'm late.
They were just giving this manure away.
Like, they ain't even
know what they had.
- What's going on? Where the boys?
- I don't know.
Well, did they say anything
during the school day?
Nope. I guess
it's just the garden go of girl now.
Okay, once again,
that is not how the club name works.
Although, right now it is accurate.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Found a few goofs in podcast club I
thought you might like to have back.
You all went to podcast club
instead of coming here?
And they would have been totally
welcome if we had
enough mics to go around.
They did not bring the right vibe at all.
All right, so what's going on?
I know y'all think podcast club is corny.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, right.
Why didn't y'all show up?
Y'all got herbs growing in here.
You don't care about your herbs?
Of course we do.
Why would you say something like that?
It's just I don't know, you got upset
at us for pulling a
totally normal prank.
I got upset with you
for making this a place only for you.
Now when y'all joined the goofballs,
you wanted to have a place
where you can go and hang out
with your friends, right?
Why doesn't she get a chance to have that?
She throws off the vibe in here,
Mr. Eddie.
Oh, no, I can promise you
it's you all that's throwing off the vibe.
You just have to engage with her.
We don't know how to do that, though.
Okay, look, I'm not always
the best at talking to women
Or men.
But the trick is to find something
you all have in common.
What do you think she wants to talk about?
I don't know.
Something girly like flowers?
Huh.
Well, you are in a gardening club,
you know that, right?
Okay.
Now, all I'm asking you to do
is get over there and try.
That's it. Just try.
When you first started here
Oh, oh. Spatial awareness, Greg.
Get out of my classroom.
[SIGHS]
Ah! Strawberry on a tomato pincushion.
Didn't even get a chance
to learn what this does.
And what am I gonna wear
to the janitors' ball?
I was counting on you
to help me out-dress Mr. Ronson.
Heard he's turning Christian Siriano
into Christian Sirianyes.
I changed my mind,
you can do your fashion club.
Really?
What about all the mean stuff
you said about the way I dress,
and how I have zero fashion sense?
I stand by it.
I just changed my mind, okay?
Well, thank you. [CHUCKLES]
All right. Come on, Mr. Johnson,
we got work to do.
That's the problem with being a muse.
Your work is never done.
I'm gonna walk away before I regret this.
[AVA] I don't need Janine knowing
why I said yes.
It'd make her head so big,
it'd affect the tides. [SCOFFS]
Right? [CHUCKLES]
Make her head so big,
the kids will be crying talking about,
"Why am I being taught by Megamind?"
[LAUGHS] And everybody be like,
"I didn't know Stewie from Family
"Guy had a black twin sister." [LAUGHS]
Then she go to a concert
and Jay Leno will be like,
"If you don't move
your big ass head out the way"
[GIGGLES] And then she
- Oh, girl, please. Ooh.
- [ELENA] Hey.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
for doing secret therapy on you.
It was totally inappropriate.
Oh. No, no, no. Actually,
we were coming to you to apologize.
Yeah, it turns out your advice
was not as stupid as I thought it was,
because I tried the talking thing
with Captain Rob.
Well, one thing led to another,
we wound up going at it
- No, you don't need to say any more.
- For, like, hours.
- I'm just happy it worked.
- It most certainly has.
You would not believe how many things
I've gotten Gerald to stop doing.
Come to find out,
he didn't know they made me mad.
- And then, well, one thing led to another.
- [ELENA CHUCKLES]
I-I really don't like
when you guys do that.
We are just so appreciative
of your wise counsel,
that from now on, we are coming to you
for any and all advice.
- But, um
- I know what you're gonna say.
I don't want you to worry. I got a guy.
We're gonna get you a couch,
put it in your office. It's comfortable.
- Mm-hmm.
- We can sit on it for hours.
And maybe we should set up a calendar
to schedule our sessions.
I-I don't think we need a schedule
No, you're right,
we'll just pop in as needed.
- And you were just so wonderful.
- Yes.
- And very tall. Yes.
- So tall.
- [MELISSA] Thank you.
- Thank you.
It's my own fault for getting involved.
Should've just left them alone
and watched the reality dating show
and judged from afar
like a normal person.
- [GOOFBALL 1] So, uh, you like flowers?
- Yep.
That's cool.
Which is your favorite?
I like lilies.
Like, which kind, though?
Stargazer lilies, 'cause there's
a bunch of colors all in one flower.
They're vibrant. Anthocyanins at work.
Hey, uh, sorry about the giant plant
earlier, and the farts and stuff.
Don't worry about it.
It was low-key kind of funny.
[JANINE] Great news.
Call me André Leon Talley
because Ava approved my fashion club.
- That's amazing. Congratulations.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Call you who?
Oh. I will give you the lowdown
on high fashion later.
For now, I'm here to pick up CC and
rescue her from the Stinky Boys Club.
[CHUCKLES] No offense.
CC, my sister in style.
Fashion Club is open for chicness.
So let's strut on down to my classroom.
Actually, I like it here.
Is that okay, Miss Teagues?
Yeah.
Yeah, yes, that is great, CC.
That's-That's okay.
You know what?
Fashion Club does sound cool.
I'm dripped out and I stay aura farming.
Can I go, Mr. Eddie?
Uh, absolutely, yeah,
it's your call, Gianni.
Oh, my God. Fashion Club is popping off.
- Gianni, is that Italian?
- I think so.
You know, some of the biggest fashion
houses in the world started in Italy.
I am so excited.
Never thought the first member of
Fashion Club would be a boy. [CHUCKLES]
But that's on me.
It's pretty narrow-minded. [CHUCKLES]
And I probably shouldn't have assumed
that CC would be into fashion
just because she's a girl.
Hmm.
I will examine that later.
For now, I'm gonna celebrate getting
this Fashion Club off the ground.
[SIGHS] Dang, you're
just gonna let Gianni
walk out here with your girl, Mr. Eddie?
[CC SIGHS]
Yeah, you're fitting right in.
Ava, Fashion Club is amazing.
I mean, so far
it's just Gianni, Brianna, and me,
but I think once word gets out,
everyone's gonna want to join.
Gianni's fly as hell.
You could probably learn a lot from him.
So, to thank you, I've put together this.
A look book, that's what we call in
the biz, of outfit ideas just for you.
Okay, bye.
[AVA] I don't know how she did it.
It's sublime.
She's like a tiny Law Roach
and I'm her Zendaya.
And to think without
this beautiful canvas
to work on and my unwavering support,
she would have never discovered
her talents.
[CHUCKLES] Damn, I'm an inspiration.