Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s05e08 Episode Script

1
Uncle: AhAhAh
(Sneezes)
Jackie!
Jackie: Yes, uncle.
Uncle: More hot tea, please!
Jackie: Yes, uncle.
I have already put
the kettle on.
Uncle: One more thing
(Sniffles)
Uncle's toes are chilly!
One more thing!
Uncle needs more cold
and flu season garlic!
Jackie, groaning:
OhhMore garlic?
(Kettle whistles)
Uncle: Jackie!
I hear water boiling!
What is hold-up?
Jackie: I am getting
your garlic, uncle.
Jade, perhaps you could--
Jade: Sorry, uncle Jackie.
Love to help, but I gotta
take care of the customers.
Tohru!
(Humming,
music in headphones)
Uncle: Jackieeee!
Jackie: Coming, uncle!
AhUhAah!
(Sighs) Here you are, uncle.
Is there anything else
you need?
Uncle: Yes. Rest.
(Jackie exhales)
Stop making noise!
(Ding-ding-ding-ding)
One more thing.
Jackie: Yes, uncle?
Uncle: Another demon power
has been released.
Jade: Cool!
Uncle: Aaiii-yaahh!
It is tchangzu,
the thunder demon,
defeated in ancient times
by magic castanets.
Jade: Castanets, huh?
Sounds like a road trip.
Spain, Mexico?
Jackie: The bottom
of the ocean.
It is a sunken ship.
And there are letters
on the hull.
Jade: A-n-I-c.
Whoa! The castanets went
down withThe Titanic!
Jade: What do you mean,
it's not the Titanic?
Àthe name on the hull--
black: Ends with a-n-I-c.
It's the oceanic.
Sank in the arctic waters
in 1932.
According to the passenger
manifest,
there was a troop
- of flamenco dancers on board.
No doubt used the castanets
in their act.
Jade: The Titanic, oceanic.
Àpotato, pot-ahto.
It's still deep-sea salvage,
and that is mondo coolio!
Jackie: It is
mondo dangerous, Jade.
The ship sits at the bottom
of an icy ocean.
Black: Fortunately, section 13
has a new submersible vehicle,
especially designed for
(Sniffs)
What is that odor?
Smells like
(Jackie sniffs)
Jackie: Uncle.
Tohru: I pleaded with sensei
àto stay in bed,
but he would not listen.
Uncle: Uncle is needed.
Demon chi is very powerful.
Black: Oh! So is that garlic.
Strikemaster ice:
Y'all ready to shred?
Mc cobra: Tahoe is gonna be
off the hook! Yeah!
Drago: And where do you
three snow bunnies
think you're off to?
Strikemaster ice: Gonna bust a
move on some fresh
powder, dawg.
Drago: Wrong answerDawg.
All three: Yo!
Strikemaster ice:
A'ight. I feel ya, d.
You vibin' on some new
demon chi?
Drago: Big time.
The power of thunder,
contained in a pair
of immortal castanets.
Strikemaster ice:
Castanets, huh? Ole!
So where they gonna
be at--cabo?
Mc cobra: Sweet! Yeah.
We could catch some
primo rays.
Drago: The castanets
are under water.
(Shudders) Not exactly
my cup of chi.
Strikemaster ice:
Why you say that, d.?
don't tell me you're scared
of a little surf.
Drago: Scared? No.
I just dislike
being under water
because then I can't do this!
Just because I won't
be going on this little
sea hunt
doesn't mean you three can't.
You'll need a submarine.
Strikemaster ice: A sub?
See, now, that's kinda
tricky, yo.
Mc cobra: Not like
we're gonna find one
with the key still
in the ignition.
Strikemaster ice: Yo, ho, ho!
Hold up, chief!
My boy dj fist's
got a bright one.
Jade: Whoa!
That is one kean-o
submarine-o.
Black: Section 13's
newest prototype.
Able to withstand
3,000 tons of pressure,
lateral maneuverability,
retractable pincer arms.
Jade: Well, what are you
landlubbers waiting for?
Let's shape up and ship out.
Jackie: You are not
going, Jade.
Jade: Jackie! I saw the movie
Titanic 12 times!
That makes me a total expert
on sunken treasure.
Uncle: Jade must listen
to Jackie.
You cannot go on sub
with us!
Jackie: And neither
can you, uncle.
Not with your cold.
All those germs in
a tiny, enclosed space
Ow!
Uncle: Uncle is not
infectious! Ah-choo!
And you cannot perform
removal spell yourself!
Jackie: I realize that, uncle.
But tohru and I can retrieve
the castanets,
and you can perform
the removal spell later
on dry land.
Black: Makes sense.
Uncle and Jade: Ohh
Drago: Well?
Strikemaster ice:
It's all good, dawg.
We got everything we need.
Drago: You have
a submarine in there?
Strikemaster ice:
Naw, we got tools.
Cobra and fist
gonna build you one.
Drago: I wouldn't trust
those two to mow my lawn!
(Clanking, drilling)
Strikemaster ice: Word up, d.
These two got mad skills!
Drago: They're gonna have
mad scars if--
mc cobra: Somebody order
a sub?
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, that is one sweet ride.
Come on, d. Give my boys
some props!
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, got it. Keepin' it
low-key.
Black: All right, Jackie.
Brace yourselves
for splashdown.
Jackie: Balance, tohru.
Tohru: Jackie?
Jackie, muffled: Ohh
Are we there yet?
Maintain course, tohru.
I believe the oceanic
àis directly below us.
(Sniff, sniff)
What is that odor?
(Sniff, sniff)
Jade: Hi, Jackie.
Jackie: Jade
Jade: I know, I know.
Too dangerous.
But you need me, uncle Jackie.
Ok, fine. I'll leave.
Jackie: Very funny!
We are 20,000 leagues
under the sea, and--
(sniff, sniff)
Oh! Why do you smell
like garlic?
Jade: Not me.
It's coming from
Uncle: Hi, Jackie.
Jackie: Uncle!
Jade: Great minds
think alike.
Uncle: Wipe sourpuss
off face!
Uncle is not infectious!
Now get uncle a blanket.
It's freezing in sub!
Strikemaster ice:
- Drop-zone dead ahead, homies.
Yo, fist, drago say
east or west of the glacier?
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, we don't ski
till we get the chi.
You feel me?
Jackie: Tohru,
you must drive more carefully!
Tohru: I do not understand.
There are no rock formations
in this area.
Jade: Uh, Jackie?
Uncle: Aiiii-yaaaah!
Giant crab monster!
Jade: I never thought
I'd be on this end
of a submarine sandwich.
Jade: Oh, uncle!
Isn't there some kind of
"crab be gone" mojo
you can do?
Uncle: Magic must defeat
magic, not overgrown
shellfish!
Jackie: You are right, uncle!
Crab must defeat crab!
(Jackie, uncle, tohru,
Jade yelling)
(Lobster screeches)
Tohru: OhI fear we are
only making him angrier.
Jade: Let's see how you do
against a video game pro.
Hang right, crew.
We're about to experience
a little turbulence!
(Screeches)
Make a wish.
Yes! He's crab cakes now!
Uncle: Aiii-yaaah!
Jackie gasps:
It is the oceanic!
Jade: Come on, slowpoke.
Jackie: Jade, you are
staying inside the sub.
Jade: Ohh
Jackie: It is an enormous
ship.
Finding the castanets
among the wreckage
will not be easy.
Uncle: So use chi-o-matic!
Jackie: Under water?
Uncle: Baggie
seals in freshness.
(Metal creaks, shifts)
Jackie: Ow!
But uncle, we found
the immortal castanets!
Uncle: Yes. And chi-o-matic is
soaked like overcooked noodle!
Cannot do removal spell
until it is dry!
(Sub engine struggles)
Tohru: I believe we may have
a bigger problem, sensei.
Uncle: I know! Uncle
is running out of garlic!
Tohru: No. I'm afraid
our submarine is not
rising to the surface.
Jackie: Hmm. It must have
been damaged by the
giant crab.
We will have to jettison
some weight.
Tohru: I'm sorry. I am not
a very good swimmer.
Jade: No prob. I'll go.
Jackie: No, you will
not, Jade.
I will go.
Jade: Fine! But only
because you weigh more--
a lot more! A whole lot--
uncle: Jackie!
Do not surface too quickly
or you will get the bends.
Jade: He gets a German
luxury car?
Jackie: No, Jade.
The bends is a condition
that occurs when a diver
rises too quickly.
Tohru: I have heard
that the pressure change
can cause wooziness,
delirium, or worse.
Jackie: Yes. I will swim
very, very slowly.
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, peep this, dawgs.
The man with the castanets.
After we get them clackers,
we can leave chan to sleep
with the fishes.
Mc cobra: Oh, that's whacked.
You lost him, bro!
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, chan must have
booked for the surface.
But it's all good.
We'll be waitin'.
Jade gasps: Jackie!
Uncle: Aaiii-yaah!
Uncle told him
not to swim quickly!
Nephew never listens.
(Jackie grunts)
Luckily, I avoided
betting the gends.
I--hee hee hee!
I mean I--ooh!
Ground is all wobbly
like pudding!
I like tapioca.
Jade: Ooh! Can't this crate
move any faster?
Tohru: Unfortunately, no.
Uncle: Jackie can
take care of himself.
Right now, it is uncle
who needs help.
Chi-o-matic must be bone-dry
to operate properly.
Tohru: Perhaps you can
use this.
Jade: You brought a hair dryer
on a deep-sea mission?
Tohru: Ocean air
gives me the frizzies.
Strikemaster ice:
Let's do some thrashin'!
Jackie: Hello, neighbors.
Nice day.
Strikemaster ice: Oh, yeah!
Nice day to bust open
a can of whoop-chan!
Jackie: Oh, pretty!
You made a snow angel.
Strikemaster ice: Get him, yo!
Jackie: We play Patty cake?
Strikemaster ice:
All right, fool.
Enough reindeer games.
Hand over the castanets.
Jackie: Cast a net?
Oh! We go fishing?
I like fishies!
Strikemaster ice:
- Chan, you feelin' all right?
Jackie: Peachy keen.
Jade: Come on!
We gotta find Jackie!
Uncle: Uncle will stay here,
finish styling
chi-o-matic.
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, got me a burnin' desire
for those castanets, chan.
Jackie: Ooh! Pretty fireworks.
Is it Chinese new year
already?
Jade: Didn't anyone ever
tell you smoking's bad
for your health?
Strikemaster ice:
Shrimp, you headed
for the Barbie.
Jackie: Oh ho!
We play freeze tag?
You are it.
Jade: Avalanche,
comin' at ya.
Tohru: Jackie,
are you all right?
Jackie: Yes, but you two
are very wobbly.
Wobbly is a funny word.
Rhymes with gobbly. Hee he.
Jade: He has so
got the bends.
Jackie: I do?
What a nice car!
Yay for me!
Oh! Hello again, buddy!
Jade: Charge!
Uncle: Yu mo guai guey
à fi Dee tsao
Ah-choo!
Yu mo guai guey
à fi de tsao
Drago: Crunchy metal outside,
gooey chi filling inside.
Uncle: You want
a piece of uncle?
Drago: Gonna be several pieces
of uncle when I'm through!
Uncle: Eeeeaaaaah!
Jackie: Hee hee!
Look at the flying old man!
Jade: Climb aboard, t.
I'll steer.
Tohru: We're coming, sensei.
Uncle: Take your time!
No hurry.
Jackie: Wheeee!
(Drago growls)
Drago: Anyone up for
some flame-enco dancing?
And now,
for the main attraction
Uncle: Aiii-yaah!
Drago is absorbing
power of tchangzu,
the thunder demon!
Jackie: Ooh! Pretty.
Drago, as Elvis: Tchangzu.
Tchangzu very much.
And don't even think
about following me.
Much as I'd love to stay
and chill,
I'll leave that to you.
Jackie: A skating rink. Fun!
Jade: Well, this
turned out well.
Drago gets the thunder power,
we're stuck in the middle
of the ocean on a melting
chunk of ice
(Sniffs) And somebody
so needs a breath mint!
Tohru: And it appears
that a storm is brewing.
Black: Need a lift?
Jackie: Whirly-birdy!
Black: Jackie has
a bad case of the bends.
Needs to decompress
for 48 hours.
Same for uncle.
Uncle: Let uncle out!
Jade: Poor guy.
Totally delusional.
Tohru: I do not
understand, Jade.
Why did you tell captain black
that sensei had the bends?
Jade: You kidding?
That garlic smell
was making me gag!
I figure, 2 days
in solitary,
good-bye, major stink.
Uncle: Let uncle out!
Aaiiii-yaaah!
Jackie: I hear knock-knock.
Who's there?
Hee hee.
I like monkeys.
And wax lips.
This is a nice phone booth.
Ooh, look, I can make
funny sounds with
my underarms!
Hee hee hee hee!
Oop--'scuse me.
Jade: Hey, Jackie, do you like
to surf the web?
Jackie: I want to surf
something I want to surf.
I'm not like
How do you say?
Surf the whole day.
Lotta people just--
nothing to do, just
surf, surf.
No, I just surf one thing.
The things I want to know
I surf.
Then after that I leave.