The Bear (2022) s05e08 Episode Script

[Ebraheim] So let us begin.
Imagine yourself on a journey
to places vast and magical,
like Evanston and Pilsen
and maybe, just one day,
maybe if we're lucky, Schaumburg.
The Original Beef of Chicagoland's
franchise expansion pack
will allow for the same beautiful
and majestic sandwich of Orleans Avenue
to be delivered throughout Illinois.
On behalf of myself and Chi-Chi Zucchero
and Chuckie DeValentino,
Albert Schner and Cheese,
we promise to deliver
the same bodacious Berzanno quality
day in and day out,
without having the nuisance of…
[stuttering] …dining room and baskets.
No.
Stop talking, Carmen.
Your blue eyes will not faze me.
Hmm?
I expect your signature immediately.
I accept. [chuckles]
[chuckles, sighs]
[Richie singsongy] Buongiorno, Natalia.
Ah. Buongiorno. Grazie.
We alive? [claps]
Well, barely.
Tina's at the farmers market right now
and it's tight,
but we're gonna have enough
to get us through a couple days.
The meat deliveries are back on
with a reduced order…
-Okay.
-…and we are gonna make payroll.
Incredible.
-Yeah.
-What? Not incredible?
If every night for the rest of our lives
was like last night,
then, yes, it would be incredible.
[Richie] What was our profit?
None.
None?
How the fuck is that even possible?
We got to pay people
and we got to buy things.
We had to buy a bunch of pipes.
We had to fix a wall.
Our margins are terrible.
We're already at 190 a head.
What if we raise that?
190 feels like a special occasion.
200 feels out of control.
Hey, do you remember a couple
that got engaged here?
Oh, yeah. Neil and I officiated it.
Well, they work for Pellegrino,
and they invited you
to an international hospitality seminar.
International?
Where?
Japan.
Whoa.
[Sugar] Yeah.
So, I'll RSVP for you, okay?
Yeah, I got to check my schedule, um.
Sweeps and I are, um…
putting some finishing touches
on the Path to Success chart,
and there's a host of other things
that's kind of--
Richard…
you should go.
When was the last time
you were even on a plane?
I'll think about it.
[Sugar] Okay, you think about it
and you let me know.
How many turns tonight?
Incredible.
-Yeah, should be good.
-[Ted] Yep.
-[Neil] Yeah, exactly.
-Exactly.
I told you to do that.
I'm gonna…
-[grunts] I'm gonna check the roof.
-[Ted] Okay.
-[Neil] Yeah, do you need help?
-[plumber] No.
Okay, okay, okay.
-[Ted] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-No, no. I'll get that.
-I told you to do that.
-That's what I was gonna do.
-I told you you just need a wrench--
-No, I did. The tape was gonna hold.
-No, the tape was never gonna hold.
-Yes, it was.
-I didn't have that tool.
-It can't hold anything.
[construction worker]
So what actually happened?
Hard to say.
He just kind of like fell through.
Who fell through?
Ted.
What was Ted doing on the roof?
I honestly have no idea.
He just kind of went off rope, you know?
[Sydney] Okay, is this everything?
[Tina] Yes, Chef.
More than we had yesterday.
That's the goal.
A little more each day?
Yeah, but… Pfft.
-What?
-Never mind, it's stupid. Uh, nothing.
Okay, no, I mean-- What? What is it?
[Tina] Well, last night
we had less to work with.
-Yeah.
-And it kept getting worse.
But it was, like, the best.
I want to do that again.
-What, am I weird?
-No, not at all.
And afterward, it was like…
I was all hyped up. I couldn't sleep.
-Me too.
-Yeah.
But then I was thinking, like,
yeah, we have one arm…
[chuckles] …mostly two arms tied behind
our backs, and we still did all right.
Right?
Like, I kept thinking this is not over.
You can't count this out, not yet.
You know? We're gonna…
We're gonna fight, all together.
I like that.
-Me too.
-Yeah… [smacks lips] …I know.
-I know.
-[Tina laughs]
-That's why I made you my CDC.
-That's it.
-Well, that's it. [laughing]
-[laughing]
[Carmy] Morning.
Look who it is.
[Carmy] Where did that bench come from?
Basement. Plumbers brought it out.
[Carmy] May I sit?
You may.
[sighs, sniffs]
-I'm sorry I didn't tell you--
-I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself.
You know…
I got…
On one side of my brain,
you know, like, the business side,
side is not so hot right now,
I keep thinking, you know,
"This nephew of mine,
he really ran this business of mine
into the fucking ground."
You know, upsetting to me.
-I know. I know. That's…
-Hold on, hold on.
I got some real anger there, you know.
Some, like, hot fucking lightning-bolt-
flying-out-of-my-cock anger,
and I don't think that's out of line.
You know, again,
as somebody who invested in you, right?
And got fucked
up and down the street, right?
Now, to be clear,
that was my decision, right,
to enter this colorful world
of fucking food service fuckery.
So as far as I'm concerned, that's on me,
that's my problem, all right?
Which kind of point…
I mean, that's not the side of my brain
from whence I told you
to go fuck yourself.
Sorry, which part of your brain
told me to go fuck myself?
The other side.
The side where I, um…
I just love you so fucking much.
Carm, I don't… [scoffs]
…I don't want you to give up on things.
All right?
You can't stop doing something
just because it's hard, you know,
or your fucking uncle's mad at you
or you're sad.
[Carmy exhales]
And we got a real serious quitting problem
in this family.
Not the freaking
kumbaya restaurant family.
-I'm talking about our family, you know.
-I hear you.
I have quit… [chuckles]
…every job I ever tried,
every single fucking one of them, yep.
I'm not interested in a fucking thing.
[chuckles]
You know, I just follow the money,
which is such a solid strategy.
Because look at how
fucking broke I am now.
Again, not your fault, my fault.
[scoffs]
I am so fucking broke…
[chuckles] …I have to rely
on the good graces
of that blue-chip investment firm
of Computer, Cheese
and fuck my ass to stake me with Ebra.
Okay? That's where I'm at, right?
So no quitting shit.
[stuttering] Sorry, what about Ebra?
He said he was gonna talk to you.
He didn't talk to you?
Some fucking franchise idea.
What do you mean? For The Bear?
No, The Beef.
Ghost kitchens in the suburbs,
whatever the fuck that means.
Fuck me. That's…
That's really smart.
It is?
Yeah, it is.
[sighs]
Look, Uncle J, everything you're saying…
I agree with.
Okay, everything you're saying…
That's why I have to leave.
Well, Lee was right.
Whoa.
[chuckles] First time in a long span
of history anybody ever said that.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Now, what was that rat-faced
little butt zit right about?
To break patterns,
you have to break patterns.
Wow.
Fucking fancy.
[Carmy breathes deeply]
You know, this place is gonna be okay.
Oh, my God, now you're scaring me again.
-She's the real deal.
-[chuckles]
I-I-I know that.
The fucking restaurants are not.
This one is.
How do you know, young man?
Well, I've been in a few of them.
-Can I ask you a question?
-Hmm.
If I want to get with DD,
do I gotta ask for your fucking hand
or something?
-I'm not talking to you about this.
-Come on.
-I'm trying to do the right thing.
-I'm not talking to you about this.
I just want to take her to fucking dinner.
Hey, thanks so much
for getting back to me. I'm--
Oh, yeah?
Well, um, like, I know I called you guys
and I left some messages,
but I actually found a job as a sommelier.
I-I know, I know. It's crazy, man.
It's like a family place.
Been there forever.
I start today, so… [chuckles]
No, no, I feel good about it.
I feel good about it.
So, I'm gonna give it a shot,
but I really appreciate you
looking out for me, man.
And I'm sorry if I let you down
in any kind of way,
but I'll let you know
if I can send somebody your way.
Thanks again, man.
[chuckles]
-Ready for tonight?
-Hell yeah, man.
-Let's go.
-Gonna crush it.
-Yes, sir.
-Yeah.
Okay, so this basically has you prepped
for the next five days,
and you follow this, like,
Monday morning sandbag guide.
You'll be flying this operation solo.
Cool.
Can we double down on brioche?
-Yeah, can we please actually?
-Yeah.
No one needs to watch Carmy
hitting that buzzer-beater again.
No, no.
That was inspiring and embarrassing.
It's not even the craziest thing
I've seen him do.
-I don't even wanna know.
-[laughs]
Oh, man. Fuck me.
[grunts]
[breathes deeply]
Come on. [sniffs]
[grunts]
[breathes deeply]
-Yo, shut the door.
-Hey, what are you--
What are you doing?
What the fuck?
I think I'm fucking having a panic attack.
-[groans]
-Shit, uh…
[breathing shakily, sniffs]
-You want me to leave?
-Nah, just, uh, be quiet.
Okay.
[grunts]
Um…
What are you thinking about?
I don't know. All kinds of shit.
Death. I don't know. Fu…
Right, but, um… [stammers]
Like, what do you think first gave you
the feeling that started it?
I can go to Japan.
[groans]
Richie, that's fucking amazing.
Never been on a plane.
You've never been on a plane.
Nah.
-That's, um…
-[groans]
-That's scary.
-Yeah.
That makes sense.
Planes are the fucking worst.
[chuckles] Yeah, you're
the fucking absolute worst at this shit.
No, no. I just, I mean that--
Carmen, you've flown fucking everywhere.
Tell me something that's helpful.
-I just mean the airports fucking suck.
-Fuck it. Just get Tina.
-Sorry, just wait.
-Please, just get Tina for me.
-Wait. Okay, look, flying's okay.
-[sighs]
Airports fucking suck, right?
That's-That's where the anxiety is.
That's where all the people are.
That's what makes you feel kind of bad.
The flying part's…
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true, isn't it?
Yeah, the flying part's
actually all right.
It's like…
kind of peaceful actually.
-You know.
-I could see that.
Yeah, you're like in your own world.
You'll listen to music.
I mean, I just listen to audiobooks, but…
-You can listen to that.
-I could listen to that, yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
You think there's something else too?
I don't know, uh…
I don't know, I, um…
For me, you know,
my anxiety sometimes, uh,
it would come up when I felt like I was,
you know, leaving, like, a safe zone.
And going into what I thought
might be an unsafe zone.
Yeah, that could be.
-Well, I don't know.
-Yeah.
You could look at it
kind of like a training exercise.
[Richie clears throat]
Okay. [sniffs]
-I like that.
-Yeah.
Training exercise, like, for what?
Um…
I don't know, like… like, I don't know,
like you're an international businessman.
[chuckles]
Because actually that's, I mean,
it's kind of what you are, right?
I mean,
you're an international businessman.
I don't really think about myself
that way,
but I do, I guess,
classify as an international businessman…
-[chuckles]
-…technically.
Yeah.
[both breath deeply]
All right.
-Okay.
-Cool.
-You can go leave. Thank you.
-All right, yeah, absolutely.
-Thank you.
-Anytime.
Fuck.
-Oh, God.
-The door is locked, man.
-You gotta be kidding me right now.
-The door is fucking locked.
-I'm kidding you. I am. I'm kidding.
-Yo, yo. [laughs]
-You fucking--
-Fuck you.
[both laughing]
-Fuck out of here.
-You coming out?
-Give me… [laughs]
-I'll give you a second.
Give me a second,
give me a second, give me a second.
[claps]
I have regained my composure.
This is the day I speak to Carmen.
Fucking-A. Look that motherfucker
in the eye and tell him what's up.
-I agree completely.
-It's impossible he says no to this.
-Impossible.
-You're doing him the favor.
The only appropriate response
is thank you.
And if that is not the response,
the only appropriate response back
is, "Go fuck."
Yeah. If he says no,
swing on his fucking ass.
Swing on his fucking ass.
I will swing on his ass.
I will feed him his fucking teeth.
[Chuckie] I'll cut him
the fuck up if he says no.
[Chi-Chi] I'll never speak
to that fuck again.
If he says no to you,
he is fucking dead straight up.
I will continually stab him
in his fucking throat.
I'm serious. I will fucking kill him.
I don't wish to kill him.
I just want him to say yes.
You don't have to kill him. I'll kill him.
Gentlemen,
I will now share with you my pitch.
-How you feeling?
-Good. You?
Yeah, good.
Good.
What are you gonna do?
I was gonna get
some onions started for you.
No. No, no, please, no more onions.
What? [chuckles]
I meant, like,
what are you gonna do, like,
-in your life for a job or something.
-Ah. [chuckles]
Well, I…
I don't know,
I haven't really talked about it yet,
but I think I got an idea.
[Sydney] Yeah?
Yeah.
You wanna share? Or…
Once it's done, you know?
[Sydney] Mmm. I do.
[chuckles]
Do you have any skills?
[chuckles]
[chuckles] I'm sorry.
Just, like, outside of this.
-I don't know.
-Oh-Oh, good.
-Yeah.
-Good way to enter the job market.
[both chuckle]
What's your plan to, like, write a resume?
Have you ever had to write,
like, a real resume?
No, I can just write down,
I can write down "stress."
-Good, yeah.
-Right, that's good?
-What else?
-"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Help." [laughing]
Yeah, I don't know.
[Sydney] Mmm.
[Carmy clears throat]
Well, if that doesn't
blow people's minds away,
which like for me, it would.
If I got that on a piece of paper,
I'd be like, yeah,
we need like ten of you here, wow.
Mm-hmm.
Then I don't know. Always an opening here.
-Here?
-Yeah.
Thank you, Chef.
[Sydney] Yeah, I mean,
you won't be working with me.
-You'll obviously be at The Beef window…
-No, of course.
-…under Ebra's tutelage, yeah.
-Right. Yes, yes.
-With Ebra.
-A mentor.
[Carmy chuckles]
Yes. Um…
Yeah, you know what?
I'm… I'll be right back. Okay?
Okay.
-[Ebraheim] So, what do you think?
-[Computer] I was riveted, man.
It's long as shit.
It's excellent data.
It's long, but it's good.
It's pretty painful. You gotta trim it.
Would you tell Ayn Rand
to fucking trim The Fountainhead?
If there was five pages on napkins?
Yeah, I'd fucking have her trim it.
[Ebraheim] No, th-th-that's not napkins.
They're serviettes.
You got me saying beta, EBITA.
I don't know what the fuck that is.
Don't worry. We'll prep beforehand
and make sure everybody's motivations
are in sync. Don't worry about it.
-Yo, what's up?
-[Chi-Chi] What's up?
Carmen, please. [clears throat]
-So let us begin.
-[whispers] Oh, fuck.
-Imagine us on a journey to places magic--
-Yes, yes. I want you to do it.
-What?
-With the franchise.
You don't want to hear
the rest of the pitch?
I don't have to.
All right, you guys are the reason
this place is what it is.
All right, you go get 'em.
Thank you. [applauding]
Thank you, Carmen.
[Computer] The only response.
And no one had to swing
at anyone's fucking ass.
[Chuckie] But I would have.
-Roof's okay.
-Okay. Yep.
You just, uh, try the sink.
-Okay.
-Great, thank you.
Yeah.
I'll give you my card.
I told you I'll give you my card.
Mm-hmm.
-He's gone.
-There he goes.
Great. You want to try the sink?
Yeah, well, yeah, I think you're closer.
You give it a go.
Oh, yeah, I just felt like 'cause
I work here and I have things to do
and you're the one
who's dressed like a plumber.
-Yeah. I know.
-I thought that that was like the vibe.
I'm dressed like a chef.
You're dressed like a plumber.
[Ted] I know. Yeah.
It's sort of like there's
corresponding jobs almost.
-Yeah. Totally. I know that. Yeah.
-Cool.
-Thanks. [coughs] Pussy.
-Yeah.
-What was that last part?
-Thanks.
No, you said…
I think you said something else.
That you should do it?
I thought you called me a pussy.
-I felt like… But I could be wrong.
-No.
-No?
-No? Okay.
-No.
-Yeah. [chuckles]
-[Neil] No, she's our chef.
-Totally, absolutely. I can… Yeah.
-[coughs] Bitch.
-[Neil] Yeah.
See, Chef, you just did it again.
-I said I wouldn't know. Oh, my God.
-She would never.
-What?
-I'm thirsty.
I'm thirsty because we don't know
if the sink works and I need water.
-You need some water?
-Yeah.
Yeah, I can get that for you.
-Cool. What? Cool.
-Yeah, I can do it.
-You want me to jump in there?
-I mean, probably, yeah.
Yeah, I can do that.
[coughs] I'm actually really grateful
for you guys
and I know that you're here
mostly because of the Berzattos,
but the fact that you
stuck around for us is
really cool so I'm just gonna
go away now, yeah.
Okay, thank you. Totally.
For what?
That little side monologue you just did.
-That was nice.
-What was?
-Nothing.
-Okay.
-Okay. Yeah.
-I'm gonna get going on this right now.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
-Thank you so much, you bitch.
Chef, what…
Chef, what was that?
[Carmy grunts]
Yo.
Yo.
-Do you know somebody named Peter Clark?
-What?
Do you know somebody named Peter Clark?
He left me a message
and said he's trying to reach you
to talk about the restaurant.
-What about it?
-I don't know.
He said he called you
like five times yesterday.
I have no clue who that is.
Okay, yeah, figures.
And, um, Stevie sent me that other number
in case you forgot.
I didn't forget.
[Sugar] Did you call her?
Tomorrow.
So, you're really leaving?
Nat, I can't stay.
Nobody's asking you to, honey.
I'm calling Albert.
[gasps]
Marcus.
You didn't see shit.
You are the son of a bitch.
-I'm a chef.
-Why have you done this to me?
One time, I needed a spoon
to taste something.
I didn't have a spoon,
so I made a vow in that moment
I would never not have a spoon.
Now, other people are short spoons.
No, no, no. We can't worry about them.
What if I need spoons?
We could work something out.
-[Luca] Ebra?
-[gasps]
[Luca] What's going on?
Ebra?
You are the fox.
[whispers] Exactly.
Break my heart on the floor.
Excuse me, Luca,
I need to find a sweeper for my heart.
Sure.
[Ebraheim] All over the floor!
He saw the spoon drawer, didn't he?
[Marcus] Yeah.
It's the airiness that I think is really…
-Mm-hmm.
-That's their selling point.
Yeah, they let the light
pass through them.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, you don't want a crowded…
No, I mean, you don't want anything
taking away from
that beautiful food you put here.
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but it's chrysanthemum season, isn't it?
-It is. How do you know that?
-Yeah.
-Did I say that correctly?
-Chrysanthemum?
-Chrysanthemum, right?
-You can just say "mum."
-Or mum?
-Yeah. Us in the trades, we say mum.
Yeah, I think that might be the way
to maximize.
It'd be a way.
You know, the tulips aren't bad either,
but the mums…
-Mm-hmm.
-Mums… And they hold up well too.
Can we just table this for one second?
I'll be right back.
-You sure can. I'll be here.
-Thank you so much.
-Chef.
-Chef, you good?
Uh, yeah, I'm okay.
-Actually, fuck that. I'm great.
-Yeah.
-You?
-Yeah, same.
Nice.
-Yeah, um, hot off the jump…
-Okay.
…all night, two regulars, an engagement.
-Ooh, time?
-Mm-hmm.
A 7:30. He wants to propose after dinner,
and he asked for a kitchen tour.
-Okay, Romeo.
-[chuckles]
Uh, VIPs?
Uh, yeah, three. 5:45, 6:30,
and eight o'clock.
Sick.
All right, let's just keep each table
to 90 minutes, yeah?
-Yeah, worked great last night.
-Yeah, let's do it again.
-Okay.
-Chef.
Chef.
Still got it. Still got it.
[inhales sharply]
Okay.
-See? This is perfect right there. Yep.
-Yeah? Working for you?
[knocks on door]
-Hey. How we looking?
-[Sugar] Hi.
Uh, good-adjacent.
-I'll take it at this point. [chuckles]
-Yeah. Yeah. [chuckles]
I think we should keep
the smaller portions just in case.
Yeah, absolutely, without a doubt.
-Cool.
-Anything I can do for you?
-Uh, no. I think I'm good.
-No?
-Okay. Thanks, Chef.
-Thank you.
Hey, Syd.
What's up?
[Sugar] You were awesome last night.
Oh. I mean, we all were.
-Tina and them sprouts? That was crazy.
-I know. Yes, sure.
Marcus is basically doing
Remember the Titans.
[chuckles] Yeah, they were great,
but you were fucking awesome,
and I'm sitting here
looking at these numbers,
and this is usually
the hardest part of my day.
It's stressful. It's unpleasant,
and I am usually just filled with dread.
But today I'm not worried.
'Cause we have somewhat of a parachute?
'Cause we have a captain.
[stammers]
You know that last night was like
low-key from hell.
Yes, yes, it was.
But… [chuckles] …I don't know,
you know that feeling when you just…
maybe you're where you're supposed to be?
[chuckles] Yeah.
I do.
Faks assemble.
-[Neil] Chef.
-[Ted] Chef.
[walkie-talkies beep]
-You guys just hide in there?
-No, we're waiting--
-No, we were waiting for your signal.
-Waiting for the signal.
-Okay, uh, engagement party tonight.
-[Ted] Okay.
7:30, table 20.
He wants to pop the question
right after dessert. All right?
-So let's take it one step further, boys.
-Okay.
[Richie] We're going to set up
the bar table outside,
the lights, mood, flowers.
Now, she works
at the aquarium fish sanctuary.
[Ted] Okay. Nice.
I got a marine life-themed tablecloth
in the basement.
-Figured we'd bring that up, pop that on.
-[Neil] Got it.
Let them have their moment,
then we jettison them into the kitchen
for a champagne toast.
-Yeah.
-Okay?
-Okay.
-Begin.
-Chef.
-Chef.
I gotta sign for a delivery.
-I'll be right back.
-Yeah, got it.
[phone buzzing]
Hello?
Carmen Berzatto?
Yeah, this is him.
This is Peter Clark.
You're a hard guy to get a hold of.
I called you seven times.
I'm sorry, what is this about?
God, where's the fucking wedding box?
Yo, did somebody move
the special event box?
[sighs]
[fire crackling]
Wish you could see this place, amigo.
[breathing deeply]
[exhales]
[Sydney] Hey. What's wrong?
-Uh, nothing, nothing. Nothing's wrong.
-Carmen.
[smacks lips] Um…
That was Peter Clark.
That was Star Man.
Already? From last night?
He wasn't here last night.
When was he here?
Um…
A couple of months ago.
Remember when we did the, um, the snow?
Shit, okay. Wow.
Wait. [stammers]
Wait, who-who was here then last night?
Uh…
[gulps] A guest. [chuckles]
[Sydney coughs]
-[Sydney clears throat]
-[exhales]
[Sydney sighs]
Do I wanna know what he said?
He said, um…
He said, uh…
He said a lot. He, um…
Sorry, he…
He said the food overall
was truly exceptional.
And creative.
He said the talent here is undeniable.
But?
That there's a scallop dish
he hasn't been able to stop thinking about
and the hospitality was beautiful.
He said the room felt alive
without being precious or try-hard.
Did we get a star?
[breathing heavily]
You got two.
[chuckles]
[breathes shakily]
So I was thinking that we should, um…
wait until after service, probably--
Yeah, that makes sense to me.
You know, that way everybody
can just kind of stay in it and stay--
-Focused.
-Right.
[sucks teeth]
-Congrats.
-Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah, major. You too.
[sniffles]
Okay, okay, okay.
[sniffles] Okay. [exhales]
-[cries]
-[chuckles]
[Sydney crying]
-[continues crying]
-[chuckles]
[laughs]
[whispers] You did it.
[both chuckle]
[Marcus] You got everything?
[Luca] Think so, yeah.
-Thanks for the lift, man.
-Yeah, no sweat.
Um…
I know a lot of people out in Copenhagen,
so I could put a word in for you anywhere.
Thank you. [chuckles] I appreciate that.
No, just as long
as you don't embarrass me.
Yeah, well, listen,
Carmy's out of the game,
so, you know, naturally one of us
has to take his spot now.
Oh, you mean like a fight to the death.
Yeah. Yeah, it would have to be.
It would suck,
but I would definitely kill you.
[both chuckle]
Nah.
I'm actually on my way to the restaurant
to practice on my day off.
Doesn't surprise me.
It's not even close, man. You already won.
You're being insane.
Go ahead and get on that flight.
[Luca chuckles] I will.
Uh, man, I gotta tell you. I…
You know, I've worked in, like,
the best places now, with the best chefs.
And The Bear has the advantage
over all those places.
And it has something
that none of those other places have.
What's that?
Family.
I'm gonna go.
-Love you, man.
-Love you too.
-Don't be a stranger.
-All right.
I'm a big girl. I'm a big girl.
Say, "Go Bears."
Yeah, Mom, everything's taken care of.
[Pete] Go Bears.
Yes, the cake is taken care of.
Balloons are taken care of.
[Pete babbling]
No, you do not need to add more pizzazz.
We have enough pizzazz.
I promise you that.
Am I eating your feet? [babbling]
-No, no. No DJ, okay? This is simple.
-[babbling]
Absolutely not. You're so weird.
All right. I love you too.
[breathes deeply]
[Pete continues babbling]
What you got? What you got right there?
What's wrong?
[Sophie giggling]
Nothing.
CDC is a cool title.
It's official.
You're a bad lady.
I told you I was.
-You didn't lie.
-No, I don't need to lie.
[David chuckles]
So, do you get to, uh, scream in people's
faces and throw shit around?
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm… I've changed.
I'm a total psycho now.
-Damn, that's so cool.
-Right?
-Yeah, cool.
-[laughs]
-And it… Also, it's very helpful.
-Yeah.
-Because I get it all out of my system.
-Exactly.
Yeah, and then I don't have to
get in your face, take it out on your ass.
You see?
This new job is a blessing already.
Yeah, sure is.
You think I can do it, right?
I know you can, baby.
-You're a lying bitch.
-See? I didn't want you to pop off.
[laughs] I am a CDC.
I am, uh, uh, uh, uh civilized.
-[chuckles]
-I don't… I don't pop off.
See? Now who's lying now?
[Tina chuckles]
Hey.
You're gonna be the best CDC.
No lies?
Never.
Okay.
Kisses. Kisses.
This is it. Franchise, baby.
-Put the stoves right there.
-Nice. Nice.
Slicer in the back.
Fridges on the bottom here.
There's nothing fucking here!
Oh, I get it. Ghost kitchen. Invisible.
Like it's here,
you just can't fucking see it.
[Chuckie] Unc, why do you got to be
so negative?
You're always fucking some shit up.
It's gonna be great.
[Ebraheim] Albert, we are in business.
It's perfect.
I-I will have all the… [stutters]
…all the documents emailed
to you immediately.
Anything else I can do?
As you wish.
[mimicking] Mm-mmm. I ain't lying.
I ain't lying. I did use protection.
Oh, my God.
I didn't tell her my real name.
-That's Cousin Moody.
-[normal] Cousin Moody.
All right, here's the next one.
[mimicking] Oh, she was ugly.
She was so ugly, when she went to the zoo,
they gave her one ticket to get in…
-…and one ticket to get out.
-[mimicking] And one ticket to get out.
Yeah, yeah, that's Uncle Red.
[normal] No, that's my brother Zeke.
-What?
-That's Zeke.
No, that doesn't count. They're twins.
Okay, last one.
[mimicking] A horse, a horse,
my kingdom for a horse.
[laughs]
[mimicking] That is
obviously Sir Derek Jacobi.
[normal] Correct.
"Rome is the mob. Bring them death,
and they will love him for it."
-You're good.
-[normal] I mean…
So, what are you gonna do today?
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
Oh, let's see. It is my first day off
in a hundred years.
So, hang out with you,
eat these until I fall into a coma,
and then just, like, don't talk to anybody
for the rest of the day.
Sounds perfect.
Thank you, thank you. I-I agree.
And I've been trying really hard
not to bring up this.
Oh, my God, stop.
Why are you smiling like this? Stop, stop.
Okay, I'll put it… I'll put it… Okay.
I'll put it away. I'll put it away.
It's just that I… I'm very proud
and this is the coolest thing ever.
And I love you very, very much.
And I've said my piece.
Great, okay.
-So, it's done?
-Done.
-Finished? Great.
-Finished.
Never bringing it up again.
I mean, nothing to bring up, really.
-Nothing.
-No.
It's the coolest shit ever.
[chuckling]
-Oh, my God.
-I'm just eating my food.
-Normal style?
-Yes.
-Yeah.
-I can only cut with one hand.
Okay, it's not…
You're having a hard time, I feel.
[Stevie] Sue, by the way,
I've known over a decade.
-She's a really nice person.
-Yeah.
This was already gonna go great,
but that you're talking to her, a godsend.
She's great.
-I don't know.
-What don't you know?
I don't know. I just…
I've never done this before.
Carmy, it's gonna be a cinch, man.
You're a nice person,
but you're also a strange person.
-You have a strange job…
-Yeah.
…with a lot of strange off-putting people.
You've got loads of stories.
-[inhales]
-When I first met Michelle,
I think, she'd kind of lean away
from how psychotic the family is
when she met new people,
but you got to lean into it.
You've got stories and trauma
and darkness and food.
-Yeah. Yeah.
-They'll love it.
It's the opposite of selling a house.
You want to lead with haunted.
I'll tell you this, I'm envious.
I wish I was going up with what you have.
I have a very ordinary job.
I have a beautiful wife.
My parents are nice-ish.
I've got nothing.
You've got a treasure trove.
It's gonna be good, man.
Okay, yeah, no, that's helpful. Thank you.
Smile or don't.
I don't think it matters anymore.
-Okay. [chuckles]
-It's like an old-fashioned thing.
All right, um.
All right.
Would you wait?
-Wait here?
-Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Thank you.
-Good luck, cousin. You got it.
-All right.
[typing]
Hi, um…
I'm here to see, uh, Sue.
[receptionist] Okay, what's your name?
Um, Carmen, uh, Berzatto.
-Okay, I'll tell her you're here.
-Okay. Thank you.
[typing resumes]
-[Sue] Carmen?
-Hi. Yeah. Hi.
-Sue.
-Hi, Sue.
-Hi. So nice to meet you.
-You too.
-Sit, sit, sit, sit.
-Thanks. Thank you.
Relax.
So, you know Steven?
Yeah, yeah,
Steven, that's my cousin, yeah.
Which side? Mom? Dad?
-Oh, uh…
-I have a big family.
Yeah, no, I guess it's kind of…
it's hard to explain it.
[chuckles] I get it.
I have a few of those myself.
So, he said you're a chef.
[smacks lips] Was a chef.
Yeah, no, not, um, not anymore. Yeah.
[Sue] Oh, I read you were pretty good.
I was okay, yeah.
Tell me, what's it like.
Is it like it is on TV?
With all the yelling and nonsense?
-It can be.
-Yeah, I'm sure.
Every time I watch
one of those restaurant shows,
I end up yelling at the TV. I'm like,
"Everybody, just shut the hell up and…"
-Yeah. No, you're not wrong. Yeah.
-"…listen." [chuckles]
-Yeah, it's a lot of drama.
-Yeah.
So, Carmen, you go by Carmen, right?
Sure, yeah, or, um, Carmy.
Carmy.
So, Carmy, what… what brings you here?
Well, I…
I just… I think I've always been into…
into…
Sorry, I'm just… I'm a little nervous.
[Sue] Oh, there's
nothing to be nervous about.
Okay. [chuckles]
Um…
Yeah, sorry, I've just…
I think I've always been searching
for some kind of, like, um…
creative outlets.
You know, like, I really like,
uh, drawing, um…
-I like art.
-Oh.
Um…
Yeah, I think that's actually…
that's what got me into food.
You know, in the first place,
I mean, professionally.
Um…
Am I just saying dumb stuff right now?
I'm sorry, is this…
No, no, you say whatever you want.
-Okay, thank you.
-Yeah, of course.
Um…
Yeah. [stutters] My family owned
a restaurant and…
-Oh, lovely.
-…and so growing up, I think I…
I don't know, I loved the, um…
the colors of the food.
You know, how they would change
as the food was being prepared and…
[Sue] Yeah, you know, my husband and I
went to this restaurant, Ever.
Do you know it?
Yes, I-I worked there.
Oh, of course you did.
I mean, this entrée comes to the table,
or presentation, really.
It's just peas and meat is what we order,
this peas and meat thing.
And we… Literally staring at it,
and then saying to each other,
"I've never seen
this shade of green before."
It was…
Vibrant.
[Sue] Yeah, that's the word.
So, you are moving on from cooking.
That's a…
A big… big change, I'm sure.
Do you have any ideas
of what you want to achieve or explore?
Um…
Yeah, um…
[smacks lips]
We had this,
uh, this service the other week,
and everything just went, uh, bad.
You know, from jump,
the weather, everything, you know.
-It was just… It was bad. Yeah.
-I'm sorry. Mm-hmm.
And it's really nothing
I haven't seen before, you know.
Everything goes bad in restaurants,
I think.
You know, by design,
there is something
completely untenable about them.
-Uh…
-Mm-hmm.
It's a dangerous profession.
It's a nerve-racking profession.
It's just… it's very…
It's very hard.
Yeah, but the obstacles, the…
you know, the hurdles,
that's kind of… [stammers]
-…that's the juice.
-Yeah.
You know? And you get this real sense
of accomplishment, you know, and success,
but that just lasts for a minute
because then you have to do,
you know, the exact same thing,
the exact same way
with a new set of obstacles the next day.
And I think for a long time, I, um…
Sorry, the better way to say that
would be the whole time
I've been doing this thing…
I think I just, I-I-I…
I wanted to get to the end of the day.
You know, like I just wanted
to get through that shit.
Like I wanted to…
survive it.
And I-I-I…
[stammers] I didn't want to know
my coworkers.
You know, I didn't care
to, uh, care for them.
I just… I saw them as, um…
as tools to help me survive…
in the kitchen.
And the other day,
I mean, it really was,
it was the worst service
I have ever been a part of,
just a complete
and utter shit show, right?
And it wasn't the staff,
you know, it was, um…
it was these circumstances.
And, um…
[smacks lips] I know that
if I had been, uh…
if I'd been in charge…
you know,
like if I had been the head chef…
I would have made it worse.
You know, like,
I would have survived, but, um…
I would have made it unpleasant, you know,
because that's the way
the job had made me feel.
Um, that's the way I had made myself feel
because I think, you know,
a lot of the time, um,
there's all this stuff
I would have going on internally
because a lot of the time
it is a shit show
in my, uh, brain, and, um… [chuckling]
This service…
everybody cared so much.
Right, and everybody tried so hard
and… and everybody…
[stutters] …loved so much,
it didn't feel like, um…
it didn't feel like one person
trying to survive.
[stuttering] It felt like a group
of people, um, supporting each other,
trying to lift each other up.
You know, and… and…
and as crazy as it got,
and it did get crazy,
and as out of control
as it could have gotten…
it never did, and, um…
And just…
Just getting to watch everybody
just, like, score.
That was…
so great.
You know, like-like-like,
even though it sucked,
it was like… [chuckling]
…it was the most fun I've ever had.
[chuckles]
Um…
Okay.
-[chuckles]
-Wow, that's…
I think what I meant when I asked
was, you know,
what were you hoping to achieve
or explore here…
[laughs] Sorry.
…as an intern
in an architectural firm, but…
Yeah, I'm sorry.
[Sue] You okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know it's your birthday.
Hello.
All right, I just want to show you
my work for a second,
and then we'll do something more fun,
all right?
-Deal?
-Deal.
Okay.
But I got to tell you, my work,
my restaurant, it's very, very serious.
All right? It's very fancy.
It is very professional.
So, no laughter.
-Like Uncle Carmy?
-No fun. What?
Like Uncle Carmy serious?
Exact… [laughs]
Exactly like Uncle Carmy, yeah.
Okey dokey. Turn right.
Now you are in the kitchen.
Oh, check this out.
Hold on, look at this over here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is where all the desserts are made.
-What do you think about that?
-Okay.
Actually, babe, there's a light switch
right on the other side of that wall.
Would you mind flipping that on for me?
Thank you.
Happy birthday to you ♪
-Happy birthday to you ♪
-[guest 1] Cha-cha ♪
Happy birthday, dear Eva ♪
Happy birthday to you ♪
[guest 2] Blow it out!
-[guest 3] Whoo!
-[Carmy] Yeah!
[all cheering]
Guys! Guys, come around! Come around!
-[Tiff cheering]
-[all cheering] Yeah!
[Tiff] Was that a good surprise?
Here.
What's this?
Anything you might need when you travel.
I've only flown, like,
out of the country once,
and I honestly hated it.
So this is kind of everything that helped
or that I wish I had.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, there's Dramamine for nausea,
Tylenol in case you get like a headache,
TUMS if your stomach hurts
and Alka-Seltzer if your stomach
really doesn't quite hurt
-but you know, like, you need to burp.
-Mm-hmm.
Um, also half a Xanax.
That's, like, honestly all you need.
Okay. Um…
Oh, earplugs in case your ears
kind of pop too much
while you're going up. Um…
-Emergen-C?
-Emergen-C.
For the flight there and the flight back.
-Thank you, Chef.
-Yeah, of course.
You got no fucking clue,
you got no fucking clue.
No fucking clue.
-[Sugar] Cake, cake!
-[Tiff] Do you wanna do the first slice?
Do you want to?
No? All right, respect.
-Great, okay. We're gonna cut this up.
-Wow.
-Say the word and I'll cancel the trip.
-What?
The conference is four days,
but it takes more than a day to get there,
more than a day to get back,
and plus there's a whole time thing,
and I think I might actually lose a day.
Additionally, there's, like,
this ninja museum outside of Tokyo
that I was really hoping
to devote a day to.
But I feel bad leaving you guys.
I hear you.
But we got this,
and we got this because of you.
This is gonna be cool, dude.
You're gonna have a good time.
I think so. Thank you.
[guest 4] Okay,
how big a slice do you want?
[no audible dialogue]
-Can I bring you back anything?
-Yes.
Okay. Um…
-Stickers.
-Stickers.
And c-candy, anything weird-flavored.
-Weird-flavored candy.
-Yeah, yeah,
-or like limited edition.
-Okay, limited edition.
Yeah, and also,
if you take a photo booth picture, um,
can I have it,
like, one where your face looks like…
-Yeah.
-Cool.
I'll throw in a samurai sword too.
Thank you.
[sniffs]
[chattering]
[Tiff] It is vanilla.
[cheering, applauding]
[Tiff] Dad's on candle-collecting duty.
-[child] Fifty.
-[Tiff] Oh, fifty?
[chattering]
[child 2] Oh, we're going fast. [grunts]
[Tiff] Oh, the presents. Oh, wow.
Oh, my God. I got it, I got it.
I got it, I got it.
[Computer] Nobody put
their hands in it? Really?
-[Tiff] Yeah.
-[Carmy] How's it taste?
[Jessica chuckles]
[chattering continues]
[breathes deeply]
-[Tiff] I'll cut it and you just plate it.
-[Carmy] Yeah, yeah. Okay.
[chattering continues]
-[Sydney] Yeah.
-[Pete] I want a corner. I want a corner.
[Richie] Yeah, no, no, no.
Kids get corners.
Adults get the middle. That's the rule.
[guest 5] Yeah, but kids
don't want the middle.
[Ted] Yeah, but it's the best part.
[Sydney] Okay, how big
of a slice do you want?
[Sydney] Real big. Real big.
I can do real big.
[chattering continues]
[Sydney] You want this corner one,
or do you want…
[guest 6] Somebody better grab
that corner before I do.
[Sydney] It is vanilla.
[cheering]
[Sydney] Yeah, how old did you turn?
There's a lot of candles.
-[Sugar] Fifty.
-[Sydney] Oh, fifty! Congrats!
[Sydney] Okay.
[Richie] Emily,
your mom said no sugar.
[guests laughing]
[Richie] Sorry, honey. Hands are tied.
-[Cicero] Syd, Syd.
-[Tiff] Oh, wait, the presents. Oh, okay.
[chattering continues]
[Sydney] I… Okay, nobody's helping me.
-I'm cutting this by myself.
-I'll help you.
-I don't know. This knife is sharp.
-[Richie] Do you need another knife?
[Sydney] Wait, this is, like, your job.
-Come on.
-[Ted] You trained me. You could do it.
[Sydney] Help me plate, at least.
[Ted] Let's double it. Double-team it.
Double-team it. Here we go.
[Sydney] Okay, here we go.
You'll have the next piece.
I'm gonna go… I'm going around.
I'm going around this way, okay?
[chattering continues]