Only Murders in the Building (2021) s05e09 Episode Script
Lestr
1
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hello, I'm LESTR.
- What the hell?
Meet our new doorman.
The Board hired me to train LESTR.
We are not gonna sit back
and let our beloved staff
be replaced by soulless machines.
Either this robot goes or we do!
- [LESTR ROBOT] Oh no!
- [CRASHING]
That robot was my best friend.
Oh, look, a new one's on its way.
[LESTR ROBOT] I got killed
by water yesterday.
I'm the one buying up
all the apartments here.
We have to move out because of a casino?
Our building's gone.
Rainey, would you like to see
our box of clues?
Lester's bird whistle.
[BIRD WHISTLE CHIRPING]
- [PHONE BUZZING]
- [RAINEY COLUCA] We figured something out.
I got a notification on my birding app
that Lester's favorite bird
was in the courtyard.
But it was me blowing Lester's whistle.
[VINCE FISH] Now, that whistle
activated the bird camera
- that Lester and I had set up.
- Can you make it bigger?
- [OLIVER GASPS]
- [MABEL MORA] What the
[CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE] Randall.
And I also found this in Nicky's office.
- Is that Lester's elevator crank?
- Oh, Jesus.
- [LORETTA DURKIN] Could be.
- There's There's blood.
Did you just find the murder weapon?
[LESTER COLUCA]
What is this thing? It's huge.
[MILLER PORTNOY] I don't know.
It's addressed to you.
[LESTER] Me?
I didn't order anything huge.
[MILLER] Maybe you did,
but you just don't remember.
- [POWER TOOL WHIRRING]
- [BOX OPENING]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[BOARD THUDS]
- It's a robot?
- [LESTR ROBOT BUZZING]
- [BOTH YELP]
- Oh, Jesus.
- [MILLER SWATTING]
- [LESTR ROBOT] Ouch.
Hello. Judging by your uniforms,
- we are colleagues. Neat!
- [ARMS WHIRRING]
I'm honored to join the staff.
I can open doors,
deliver packages,
and ease the burden of having
to interact with the tenants.
Together, we will optimize
the building's efficiency.
Ooh-hoo-hoo,
it's one of those doorman robots.
I heard it can print things
out of its butt.
Really?
[LESTR ROBOT]
My butt is not a printer.
- [LESTER] Hmm.
- [LESTR ROBOT SCANNING]
I think there's a misunderstanding.
The Board bought you,
but it doesn't mean I have to use you.
You're staying right down here, buddy.
- [CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [WATER DRIPPING]
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
[LESTR ROBOT]
Humans like to make me the bad guy,
like I'm the reason they don't talk
to each other anymore.
But honestly, that's on them.
[CHIMING]
[TENANT 1] Could someone please clean up
those muddy footsteps
[STAFF MEMBER 1]
5D says their window is drafty
[STAFF MEMBER 2] I need to go fix
the leaky faucet in 6A
[TENANT 2] The elevator's making that
weird sound again.
[LESTR ROBOT] If used correctly,
I could make their lives better.
Save them from mistakes,
since I don't make any.
- [LESTER] Randall! Randall!
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
I've been looking the
other way too long.
[LESTR ROBOT]
People make so many mistakes.
[CHIMING]
[RANDALL PANTING]
[LESTR ROBOT BEEPING]
Shh.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT POWERING DOWN]
[TRAFFIC NOISE, CARS HONKING]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]
Oh, hey, guys.
[OLIVER PUTNAM]
Yeah, don't "hey, guys" us.
- We know it was you.
- At the fountain.
[CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE]
With the elevator crank.
Sounded like we were playing Clue there.
Not intentional, but worked out nicely.
I hate to break it to you,
but I have no idea what you're
- Hey!
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
Quick, catch him!
I can't, I still have blisters
from my Linda Lavin boots.
I'm not wearing underwear.
I certainly can't run in these things.
Honestly, I I can't believe
this has never happened to us before.
[OLIVER SNORTS]
[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[THEME SONG CONCLUDES]
[LESTR ROBOT]
Nineteen days until move-out.
- Nineteen days until move-out.
- [NOTIFICATION CHIMING]
[MABEL MORA] Randall's mom says
she hasn't seen him in days,
so he could have left town.
Yeah, sure, a killer's mother
never lies to protect her child.
I bet he's curled up
in her bathtub right now
breathing through a reed.
[UMA HELLER] Isn't this fun?
I'm homeless, but at least
Camila White has a casino.
Cheers.
[LESTR ROBOT] Just a reminder that you
have 19 days left to pack your things.
Okay, can we scrap this yet?
Thirty-five cents a pound,
I bet this big boy weighs
- [HOWARD MORRIS] Don't you touch him!
- [OLIVER] Ow.
And I'd be careful, every other doorman
is either dead or fled,
- so my LESTR is king of this palace.
- [OLIVER GROANS]
[LESTR ROBOT] It's true that my power
is now unchecked.
[OLIVER GRUMBLING]
We need to find Randall.
For every reason now!
- [LESTR ROBOT CHIRPING]
- We can do that in 19 days, right?
[PHONE DINGING AND BUZZING]
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
- Yeah, thanks, I got it.
[DELICATE UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT]
Eight days until move-out.
Eight days until move-out.
[WHIRRING]
Please help.
I cannot get up the stairs.
- [TONY CACCIMELIO] Got it?
- [MIKEY CACCIMELIO] Of course.
- Yeah.
- Lift from your legs.
[GRUNTING] We got you. Okay.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Picking up for 12F.
- [CACCIMELIO BROTHERS CHATTERING]
[NONNA] Got 'em.
- Hey. Nonna's coming.
- Coming in hot, coming in hot.
- [CHAIR WHIRRING]
- Nonna.
- Hey, I got you.
- Thank you, God.
- Hey, what number is that?
- [BRADEN] Too late for these sevens?
- [MIKEY] Two sevens?
- [LESTR ROBOT] Thank you.
- [CACCIMELIO BROTHERS CHATTERING]
- Grazie, Nonna.
So, when was the last time
Randall picked up the dry cleaning?
- [JOHNNY] Who's Randall?
- [BRADEN] Randall's the
That handsome guy, cool hair
[JOHNNY] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, his hair is sick.
Oh! It was the same day
Mom let us have nachos for breakfast.
- That's right.
- I was gonna say that, actually, so
That doesn't help me.
Well, we're only allowed
to do that once a month.
- So, it's been a while?
- [VINNY] Well
- It's been a while.
- Hasn't been a while
since me and Mom stayed up
real late last night,
watched a bunch of movies
- and had a big ol' bowl of popcorn.
- No, you didn't.
- [JOHNNY] What the fuck?
- [VINNY] Yeah, we ate popcorn.
Now, I know you're a liar, 'cause Mom
told me the whole
city was out of popcorn.
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- Was it caramel corn?
Fellas.
- Was it caramel corn?
- [JOHNNY] You stayed up with Mom?!
- Someone has to know where Randall is.
- [ARGUING CONTINUES]
Yeah, but his neighbors
haven't seen him,
and he isn't using
his credit cards or his phone.
I don't get it.
People can't just disappear anymore.
[TONY] That's not f
I want popcorn with Mom!
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
- [DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
Forty-nine famously
doesn't come after 52.
- Yes, it does, dumbass.
- Okay.
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
[LESTR ROBOT]
[BEEPING] One day until move-out.
[WHIRRING]
Mr. Putnam, I have your burgers.
Also, reminder:
you were reducing your sodium
to help with bloating.
Yeah, let me tell you
something, asshole.
I'm in soft pants now. Waistline
is deliberately bloat-friendly.
[MABEL] Well, loyal listeners,
it is our last day in the building,
and how can I put this?
We ain't got shit!
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
- [OLIVER SIGHS]
Would it cheer you up to show you this
new place I'm thinking of moving to?
Who reads a room better than you?
Well, no, it's kinda great,
we could all go.
Look, look at this.
It's got daily activities, there you go,
group field trips,
and an on-site estate lawyer,
- not sure what that is.
- [LESTR ROBOT THUMPING]
- Charles, this is a nursing home.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Ow.
It's not a nursing home.
Would a nursing home
have a helpful string in the bathroom
where you can summon
your own personal butler?
- [ITEMS CRASHING]
- And the personal butler
- [LESTR ROBOT] Oh, no!
- is wearing a stethoscope?
- [OLIVER] Mm-hmm.
- Well, maybe it is a nursing home.
Honestly, put me there.
[LESTR ROBOT] If someone could help,
I seem to be stuck in a labyrinth
of defunct one-act plays.
Oliver, your apartment stresses me out.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Thank you.
- [MABEL] Don't you leave
for New Zealand in, like, two days?
I'm packed!
These are all the items
I'll be carrying on.
This looks like the world's
saddest Planet Hollywood.
- [LESTR ROBOT] I need to
- [THUDDING]
Thank you.
Mabel, thought about where you're going?
- I'm not sure.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Ouch.
I have this friend
who has a place in the Maldives.
The Maldives? What friend?
[PHONE CHIMING, BUZZING]
[GASPS] Randall just posted.
Oh, well, of course he did,
because kids today
can't not post,
even if it gets them arrested.
- Mabel, does it say where he is?
- It sure does.
Cuba.
"Hola y adios from Cuba.
Old Randall down for a new start."
They don't extradite in Cuba.
Does that mean?
That's it.
Our probable murderer,
our last lead, up in smoke.
[LESTR ROBOT] [BUZZES]
Would a moving day checklist help?
[SIGHING] Okay, that's it.
I give up.
- No!
- Don't say that.
Guys, everything I've
worked for is gone.
Nothing we try works.
I just really wanna go home,
buy a pack of White Claws,
throw my shit in a box,
and get fucked up, you know?
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
[LESTR ROBOT] After you.
[CHARLES] Is she right?
Did we lose the Arconia and fail Lester?
[SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES]
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES]
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
- [TEDDY CHUCKLES]
Teddy Dimas?
Am I already drunk?
Sweetheart, long time no see.
I'm waiting on my company van
to come move my stuff.
Is this the same van
that you used to try to kidnap me?
Oh, right.
Good times.
So, do you believe this?
I finally get outta jail,
and everybody's moving out.
I'm drinking through it.
Wanna join me and some non-toilet wine?
Absolutely.
And by the way,
now that you're out of prison,
the "non-toilet" thing is implied.
Force of habit. [SIGHS]
I really changed in the clink.
Weren't you in one
of those white-collar,
like, minimum-security prisons
with a tennis court?
Doesn't change the fact
that the joint is a lonely place.
Sometimes, I'd go days,
and the only human interaction I'd have
would be my Duolingo teacher
in my AirPods.
But I now speak fluent Italian.
I hope you enjoy your
Brunello di Montalcino.
- Salute.
- [LESTR ROBOT BEEPING AND BUZZING]
[LESTR ROBOT] 6B, no consuming alcohol
in the common spaces.
14E of the West Tower,
no exercise apparatus
allowed in the lobby.
My buyer from Facebook Marketplace
is due here any minute.
[PANTING] I still have enough time
to catch my 30th ride with Cody.
Hey, hey!
Your robot. He's making up fake rules!
How dare you call LESTR a liar.
I'm pulling up the by-laws.
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING, BEEPING LOUDLY]
[LESTR ROBOT] Denied.
W-Why is my retinal scan being denied?
Babe, you need me to move closer?
[LESTR ROBOT] [CHIMING]
Retinal scan no longer valid.
I belong to a new administrator now,
Camila White's EVP of security.
You replaced me with someone
and you don't even know their name?
[LESTR ROBOT] I know their eyes,
and they unlock me.
After everything I've done for you?
I'm not gonna be ignored, LESTR.
Hey, you wanna keep it down?
If Cody shouts me out
and I can't hear it,
I'm gonna lose my shit.
- Wine me, bitches.
- We call ourselves the Givvie-Uppies.
Since when are you a quitter?
Since now. I am done investigating.
What the fuck did you just say?
I know. [SIGHS]
Where was this fun quitting attitude
when it came to a cute family
of grave robbers?
What are you doing here?
I wanted to come see you
on your last night.
Damn, I cannot believe
this place is going away.
And I can't believe I actually
give a shit either, but here we are.
[LESTR ROBOT] [CHIMING] Hello.
Visitors must sign the log.
Your mama.
[LESTR ROBOT] [BEEPING]
Tenant request, 14C. I'll be back.
[QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
- I LOVED YOU IN 2001: A Space Odyssey.
- [LESTR robot] [chiming]
"Brazzos fan mail '84 to '89.
Glasses."
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
[LESTR ROBOT] 14C, I have the tape
you requested.
[TAPE RIPPING]
Thank you.
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
- And, done packing.
- [OLIVER] Great news!
I figured out how we're gonna celebrate
our last night in the Arconia.
Oh, you're finally gonna start packing?
Absolutely not.
The theme of the night
is The Last Supper.
[LAUGHING RAPIDLY]
I love a cheeky Bible reference.
Okay, picture this.
Us in robes breaking bread,
and me at the center
of my long dining room table
looking very generous.
If we do our jobs right,
it will rival the original.
I can't make it.
I'm going to a a baseball game
with, uh, Jim Geronimo.
Who the hell is Jim Geronimo?
Well, actually, uh, I'm not sure.
I was just going through my old Rolodex
seeing what friends I might still have
outside the building.
And apparently, uh,
Jim Geronimo and I met
when we linked arms
at Hands Across America.
Tonight's the night
you decided to make friends?
The night you should be saying goodbye
to the friends you already have?
Last Supper, long table, us?!
I'm sorry, but kick-off is at 7:00 p.m.
See? You don't even know baseball.
For example,
"kick-off" is a Rockettes term.
Well, since investigating
murders in our building
is no longer on the menu,
I'm hobby-hunting.
And new-friends-hunting.
Fine.
I don't need to force someone
to give me closure.
I'm off to find Mabel.
[CHOKING UP]
I only need one disciple, anyway.
[LESTR ROBOT] [BEEPING]
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
[BEEPING]
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
The gaming parlor
is off limits to tenants.
The gaming parlor is off limits to
Go away, Speak n' Spell!
Mora, let me talk to you for a minute.
So, you're done investigating?
Are you crazy?
The one thing
that you're actually good at?
Yes, and I'm fine with it.
- Oh.
- I have a lot of irons in the fire.
Oh, okay, name one.
Well, they're not,
you know, "job" irons,
but I did get offered
to go yachting with Jay Pflug.
- Excuse me?
- [SIPPING LOUDLY, GULPING]
I feel like my daughter just told me
she's hopping on a pole.
I've been saying no
because, of course, but
Mm-hmm?
I am curious to see
if there is a good guy in there.
And a week on a yacht might be
a good way to figure it out.
I don't know, is that
the worst thing ever? God.
No.
It's just not who we are.
You and me, we don't give a damn
about looking at vistas all day.
If there's a problem out there,
we have to get in there.
[PHONE DINGING]
Yep, like right fucking now.
I gotta go. Official police business.
B-B-But maybe that's my problem.
Jay was telling me about his guru.
Guru?
She says most suffering
in Western civilization
comes from this need to achieve.
Uh, that's a shoe print, isn't it?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
No, it's a flip-flop print.
But half the flop.
And it's facing towards us,
which means the other half came from
[PANEL CREAKING]
- Okay, fuck the yacht.
- I can do five more minutes.
[QUIRKY MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Blood spatter.
And look at these white dots.
It's the same paint
from Nicky's clothes?
I bet you this is probably how they
smuggled Nicky's body out of here.
[DOOR SQUEAKING]
Holy shit, this leads out
to Caccimelio's dry cleaners.
That's where Nicky was found!
What the fuck is that?
[GRUNTS]
This is the background
from Randall's Instagram post.
He's not in Cuba, the motherfucker's
still in the building.
- [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Oh. There he is.
You know, I used to grease
those wheels real good.
- [CHEESE CUBE THUDS]
- [UMA] My wheels used to be greased.
[TEDDY CHUCKLES]
Howard, you haven't changed a bit.
- [KISS SMACKING]
- [CHUCKLES] Did I hear you speak Italian?
I once took an Italian night course.
- Really?
- Sì.
[OLIVER]
There's only 81 home games a year.
- Who knows when you'll get another chance?
- Wait.
- Teddy?
- [TEDDY DIMAS] Hey, boys.
Back from prison for ten hours
before I guess I move to Boca.
- Oh.
- So, how's tricks? What's new?
Well, I remarried.
Ooh, I love your wives. Is she hot?
- [TEDDY CHUCKLES]
- [OLIVER GROWLS]
Too soon. I heard it.
Pull up a box, boys,
we're having a last night block party.
- Uh, I'm actually on my way out.
- [TEDDY] What?
- On our last night?
- Thank you!
Oh, you know who knows
how to throw a last-night party?
The guys in the clink.
For my Bon Voyage,
they did a whole Last Suppe r theme.
- You did not just say that.
- [TEDDY] Yeah.
A guy who did a triple homicide
washed my feet.
[VINCE FISH] Anybody. Anybody.
I can't unclip.
Cody, Cody. Clipping instructions!
[PELOTON BEEPING]
Guys!
Update in the case!
Randall is in the building.
How? Where?
I I don't know, but we gotta go look.
Yes, we're back!
Where's the murder board?
Oh, uh, I might have,
uh, thrown it out.
- Wha
- You what?!
- What is wrong with you?
- Well, we didn't need it anymore.
But w-where's your sense
of sentimentality?
- Of ceremony?
- Let me move forward, Oliver.
Okay, you are such
a weird, emotionless robot.
LESTR, You need a date?
I found your soulmate.
I swear to God, Charles,
if you touch a button on his carriage
[MIMICS CUTTING]
Robot, text all of the residents,
have 'em come down to the lobby
for an emergency building meeting.
Yes. Our last building meeting.
Can we show up drunk?
Delivery for 6C?
6C has been gone for weeks.
[LESTR ROBOT] [CHIMING]
That's true. You're right.
Oh, my God. Have I died?
Did you just admit I'm right
for the first time in your life?
Wait, who ordered food
to an empty apartment?
[LESTR ROBOT] Randall Winston.
He is currently squatting in 6C.
- Wait, what?
- Why didn't you tell us?
[LESTR ROBOT] You never asked me.
[HOWARD] Is that what happened?
I didn't ask enough questions?
Well, I can be curious, baby.
[OLIVER AND CHARLES] To 6C!
I'm taking that.
Howard, are you fucking that thing?
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
[LESTR ROBOT] Delivery.
- [CHARLES] Randall.
- How's Cuba?
Look, I-I can explain.
[THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING]
[MABEL] Hey!
I think he's found our Achilles' heel.
To the elevator!
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[THRILLING MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [MABEL] Hey! Catch him!
- [OLIVER] Stop him!
[CHARLES] Get him!
Fuck, am I gonna have to run, too?
[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]
- Stop him!
- Don't let him get away!
I'll get him. Here I go! I got him!
I got Oh, oh God.
Oh, these are slippery.
[OLIVER] Stop him!
[GRUNTING AND THUDDING]
[TENANTS GASPING]
- [RANDALL GRUNTING]
- [MABEL] Oh, my God.
Theo!
- [TENANTS CLAMORING]
- My company van is here. And my son.
- [RANDALL PANTING]
- Hey, no, don't worry.
He's the murderer.
- I know.
- Randall, how could you do it?
Sweet old Lester?
And why? 'Cause you wanted his job?
I didn't do anything!
We saw you in the courtyard.
You were holding
the bloody elevator crank.
Lester told me not to say anything.
Yeah. Lester.
The real human one.
You withheld case information
because Lester told you to?
- [SIGHING]
- [CHARLES] And the only person
who can confirm this is Lester?
Who is dead.
- Which is convenient.
- I don't think it's convenient.
God, I wish someone else had been there.
[LESTR ROBOT] I was there.
[TENANTS GASPING AND MURMURING]
You were there?
[LESTR ROBOT] The original model was,
before he got subsequently
tossed from the roof.
But all his old files
were uploaded into me.
I can show you.
Lights to dim.
[WHIRRING]
Howard's ex.
[LESTR ROBOT]
Would you remove my hat, please?
[MABEL] Oh.
[LESTR ROBOT] Thank you.
[CROWD MURMURING]
[PROJECTOR BUZZING]
[LESTER] Randall! Randall!
Oh, my God. Lester, are you bleeding?
[PANTING] I need you to take
the wedding shrimp to Mr. Putnam.
- What are you talking about?
- The shrimp in the fridge
down the hall, take it to 10D now!
Alright. I got it. I got it.
But are you okay? Who hurt you?
[LESTER PANTING]
[LESTER] It's It's not my blood.
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
I couldn't let that mobster
take down my building.
I've been looking the
other way too long.
Lester, did you kill somebody?
You're gonna be a great doorman.
But don't say a word about
what you know, for your own safety.
- [RANDALL WINSTON] My safety?
- Just get the shrimp to Oliver.
- He'll know what to do.
- [RANDALL] Okay. Alright.
[LESTER] And, uh [PANTING]
I saved the old Arconia
with a piece of the old Arconia.
[SOFTLY CHUCKLES] Life.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
- Now, go. Take care of my place.
- [RANDALL] Okay. Shrimp, 10D. Shrimp, 10D.
- [PROJECTOR BEEPING]
- [LIGHTS CLICK]
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
Lester killed Nicky?
Bird-watching, adorable Lester?
He did it for the building.
So there wouldn't be any more crime.
So you all wouldn't lose your home.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SIGHS] He did it for you.
So, if Lester killed Nicky,
who killed Lester?
[RANDALL] I don't know.
I took the shrimp to your place,
and when I came back,
he was dead.
I saw the crank and I panicked.
[SIGHS] I put it in Nicky's office,
'cause I didn't want anyone to think
that Lester was a killer.
He was counting on us to finish the job.
That's why he left us
the finger in the shrimp.
And we failed.
We didn't solve the case.
And we lost the building
he died trying to protect.
We owe it to him to find
his killer before we go.
- Right, right.
- [LESTR ROBOT WHINING]
You're right.
I mean, we still have a few more hours.
We can't give up now.
Alright, Apostles.
On this last holy night, we have dips,
and a case to solve.
Thank the Lord, and Miller
for returning our murder board to us.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have some water
to turn into a big pitcher of Cosmos.
[CHUCKLES]
- Hey, remember that blizzard in '96
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
when we had that crazy
snowball fight in the courtyard?
Yeah, that was cute.
Till I slipped and wrenched
the fuck outta my back.
But a nice man helped me up.
Hey, that was me!
I remember you said,
"Hey, get your filthy hands
the hell off of me."
- Ah, that's a nice memory.
- It was.
Buy me a sandwich sometime?
Oh, yeah. Happily.
[PLUCKY MUSIC PLAYING]
[HOWARD] Ugh.
Where is Charles?
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
Oh.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Hello.
- Oh, hey.
Yeah, I'm doing really good.
I'm just so busy, so
- See you around.
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
Howard, why do you
let that robot get to you?
Look at you.
You've got a lot going on.
And you have a boyfriend.
What's his name?
If anyone in this building
ever listened to me,
they would know that Jonathan is on tour
with Thoroughly Modern Millie.
He broke up with me weeks ago.
- Oh.
- [HOWARD SOBBING]
[SOBBING CONTINUES]
I'm sorry.
I I know how it feels to be lonely.
I used to be the center
of my mother's world.
And then, she died.
You know, it might surprise you to know,
but having seven foster cats
wasn't exactly me thriving.
Ditto for the cadaver dog.
And that little pig was a cry for help.
When Jonathan broke up with me,
I felt like,
"Great, I have nobody, again."
So, yeah,
maybe I invested a little too much
in a robot that doesn't care about me.
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
- [VOICE BREAKING] But Charles,
it felt so good
to have any kind of partner.
I never found my
people in this building.
Not like you did.
Look, we have done a bad job
of checking in with each other
in this building.
[HOWARD SNIFFLES]
And that's on us.
It's easy to assume that everyone
is just okay, but sometimes
they just aren't.
- Mm.
- And
it's easy to forget
to be a good neighbor.
[HOWARD SOBBING]
Well, Charles
[SIGHS]
You know, I'm not the biggest fan
of religious iconography,
but I gotta say,
Putnam can throw
one hell of a Last Supper.
There's still room for another apostle,
if you want to join us.
Okay.
Maybe I should go ask
forgiveness from Oliver
our Lord and Savior.
[HOWARD SNIFFLING]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
[LESTR ROBOT CHIMING]
- Oh!
- Jay.
Here you are!
Third apartment is the charm.
Ready to go?
To the Maldives?
Oh, uh [EXHALES SHARPLY]
Yeah, I am not doing that.
Oh. Um
Did I misread? [CHUCKLES]
No, you texted,
"I could be a boat bitch."
[MABEL] Mm.
Look, I'm investigating,
and you're a suspect.
So, either A, you show me
you're a good guy
and tell me what you know,
or B, we go our separate ways.
There's also C,
we go to the Maldives.
Hang out, tan.
Make murder someone else's problem?
Right.
I'm here with a bunch of people
who are losing their homes, Jay.
And if you had won that casino bid,
other people
would be losing their homes.
So, you wanna make the world
a better place?
Stop making it worse.
[WHIRRING]
Hey.
Hey. Aren't you late for your game?
I'm not going to the baseball game.
[WHIRRING]
I don't need new friends.
Plus, I found out that two years ago,
Jim Geronimo was eaten by a bear.
Well, I'm glad I beat the dead guy.
Look, I I I didn't want to come
to a closing ceremony,
because I don't wanna close anything.
You think I do?
Well, you and Mabel both have
some place to go after this.
Someone will take you in.
You're married.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
Right.
You know,
of all my showstopping productions,
this podcast was my favorite.
And some of that has to do with you.
Mostly Mabel, but but
you got in there.
[CHARLES SIGHS]
Hmm.
- [ITEMS RUSTLING]
- Charles, what are you doing?
Would you sign this?
Charles, this is my apartment.
For the next few hours.
Please?
What, are you being sentimental?
Well, it's a little piece of the Arconia
signed by the investigators
who solved four murders.
- Imagine if we'd made it five.
- Mm.
[SIGHS] "Dear"
- Charles.
- Ch-Charles, Charles.
- Haden.
- Haden.
- [CHARLES] Savage.
- [OLIVER] Savage.
Hey, did we ever figure out
what this is from?
Pictures of the floor? Really?
You should have been canceled
after season two.
[MABEL] Mm.
Wait.
I've seen that scuff mark.
We found that in front of my freezer.
We think it was left
by whoever stole the finger.
If you're looking for whoever
made those marks,
I can tell you who did.
Him.
[WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
- The robot?
- Yeah, I've been cleaning up his marks
- off the lobby floor for weeks.
- Come on, quick.
We'll grab him
and throw him off the roof.
No, wait, we did that already.
No one is killing the robot.
- This robot is innocent.
- [BEEPING]
Sure, sometimes he drips ink.
Yeah, from the printer in his butt.
But that is not his scuff.
This scuff is from something else.
I know, because my mother,
God rest her soul,
spent her final years
in a motorized chair.
I spared no expense
when it came to Mother,
which is why she had the very best,
the Pride Jazzy Elite HD, in lilac,
and it made this exact mark.
Oh, my God, Howard. You solved it.
- I did?
- Guys.
A Jazzy scooter?
Oh, my God.
You solved it, Howard.
You really did.
[HOWARD CHUCKLES]
[LESTR ROBOT] So, go ahead
and make me the bad guy.
But the one thing I can't do
is act out of malice.
[SCOOTER WHIRRING, WHEELS SCUFFING]
There are some things that humans
will always be better
at than machines.
One of those things is evil.
[JOHNNY AND TONY CHUCKLING]
- Bada-bing.
- That is my Nonna.
[CHUCKLES]
Go on, say it.
- [CACCIMELIO BROTHERS] Hey, hey!
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
- Hey!
- Watch your tone!
Where do you think you're from?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT BUZZING AND WHIRRING]
[LESTR ROBOT CHIMING]
[DRAMATIC, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
sync & corrections awaqeded
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hello, I'm LESTR.
- What the hell?
Meet our new doorman.
The Board hired me to train LESTR.
We are not gonna sit back
and let our beloved staff
be replaced by soulless machines.
Either this robot goes or we do!
- [LESTR ROBOT] Oh no!
- [CRASHING]
That robot was my best friend.
Oh, look, a new one's on its way.
[LESTR ROBOT] I got killed
by water yesterday.
I'm the one buying up
all the apartments here.
We have to move out because of a casino?
Our building's gone.
Rainey, would you like to see
our box of clues?
Lester's bird whistle.
[BIRD WHISTLE CHIRPING]
- [PHONE BUZZING]
- [RAINEY COLUCA] We figured something out.
I got a notification on my birding app
that Lester's favorite bird
was in the courtyard.
But it was me blowing Lester's whistle.
[VINCE FISH] Now, that whistle
activated the bird camera
- that Lester and I had set up.
- Can you make it bigger?
- [OLIVER GASPS]
- [MABEL MORA] What the
[CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE] Randall.
And I also found this in Nicky's office.
- Is that Lester's elevator crank?
- Oh, Jesus.
- [LORETTA DURKIN] Could be.
- There's There's blood.
Did you just find the murder weapon?
[LESTER COLUCA]
What is this thing? It's huge.
[MILLER PORTNOY] I don't know.
It's addressed to you.
[LESTER] Me?
I didn't order anything huge.
[MILLER] Maybe you did,
but you just don't remember.
- [POWER TOOL WHIRRING]
- [BOX OPENING]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[BOARD THUDS]
- It's a robot?
- [LESTR ROBOT BUZZING]
- [BOTH YELP]
- Oh, Jesus.
- [MILLER SWATTING]
- [LESTR ROBOT] Ouch.
Hello. Judging by your uniforms,
- we are colleagues. Neat!
- [ARMS WHIRRING]
I'm honored to join the staff.
I can open doors,
deliver packages,
and ease the burden of having
to interact with the tenants.
Together, we will optimize
the building's efficiency.
Ooh-hoo-hoo,
it's one of those doorman robots.
I heard it can print things
out of its butt.
Really?
[LESTR ROBOT]
My butt is not a printer.
- [LESTER] Hmm.
- [LESTR ROBOT SCANNING]
I think there's a misunderstanding.
The Board bought you,
but it doesn't mean I have to use you.
You're staying right down here, buddy.
- [CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [WATER DRIPPING]
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
[LESTR ROBOT]
Humans like to make me the bad guy,
like I'm the reason they don't talk
to each other anymore.
But honestly, that's on them.
[CHIMING]
[TENANT 1] Could someone please clean up
those muddy footsteps
[STAFF MEMBER 1]
5D says their window is drafty
[STAFF MEMBER 2] I need to go fix
the leaky faucet in 6A
[TENANT 2] The elevator's making that
weird sound again.
[LESTR ROBOT] If used correctly,
I could make their lives better.
Save them from mistakes,
since I don't make any.
- [LESTER] Randall! Randall!
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
I've been looking the
other way too long.
[LESTR ROBOT]
People make so many mistakes.
[CHIMING]
[RANDALL PANTING]
[LESTR ROBOT BEEPING]
Shh.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT POWERING DOWN]
[TRAFFIC NOISE, CARS HONKING]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]
Oh, hey, guys.
[OLIVER PUTNAM]
Yeah, don't "hey, guys" us.
- We know it was you.
- At the fountain.
[CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE]
With the elevator crank.
Sounded like we were playing Clue there.
Not intentional, but worked out nicely.
I hate to break it to you,
but I have no idea what you're
- Hey!
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
Quick, catch him!
I can't, I still have blisters
from my Linda Lavin boots.
I'm not wearing underwear.
I certainly can't run in these things.
Honestly, I I can't believe
this has never happened to us before.
[OLIVER SNORTS]
[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[THEME SONG CONCLUDES]
[LESTR ROBOT]
Nineteen days until move-out.
- Nineteen days until move-out.
- [NOTIFICATION CHIMING]
[MABEL MORA] Randall's mom says
she hasn't seen him in days,
so he could have left town.
Yeah, sure, a killer's mother
never lies to protect her child.
I bet he's curled up
in her bathtub right now
breathing through a reed.
[UMA HELLER] Isn't this fun?
I'm homeless, but at least
Camila White has a casino.
Cheers.
[LESTR ROBOT] Just a reminder that you
have 19 days left to pack your things.
Okay, can we scrap this yet?
Thirty-five cents a pound,
I bet this big boy weighs
- [HOWARD MORRIS] Don't you touch him!
- [OLIVER] Ow.
And I'd be careful, every other doorman
is either dead or fled,
- so my LESTR is king of this palace.
- [OLIVER GROANS]
[LESTR ROBOT] It's true that my power
is now unchecked.
[OLIVER GRUMBLING]
We need to find Randall.
For every reason now!
- [LESTR ROBOT CHIRPING]
- We can do that in 19 days, right?
[PHONE DINGING AND BUZZING]
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
- Yeah, thanks, I got it.
[DELICATE UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT]
Eight days until move-out.
Eight days until move-out.
[WHIRRING]
Please help.
I cannot get up the stairs.
- [TONY CACCIMELIO] Got it?
- [MIKEY CACCIMELIO] Of course.
- Yeah.
- Lift from your legs.
[GRUNTING] We got you. Okay.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Picking up for 12F.
- [CACCIMELIO BROTHERS CHATTERING]
[NONNA] Got 'em.
- Hey. Nonna's coming.
- Coming in hot, coming in hot.
- [CHAIR WHIRRING]
- Nonna.
- Hey, I got you.
- Thank you, God.
- Hey, what number is that?
- [BRADEN] Too late for these sevens?
- [MIKEY] Two sevens?
- [LESTR ROBOT] Thank you.
- [CACCIMELIO BROTHERS CHATTERING]
- Grazie, Nonna.
So, when was the last time
Randall picked up the dry cleaning?
- [JOHNNY] Who's Randall?
- [BRADEN] Randall's the
That handsome guy, cool hair
[JOHNNY] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, his hair is sick.
Oh! It was the same day
Mom let us have nachos for breakfast.
- That's right.
- I was gonna say that, actually, so
That doesn't help me.
Well, we're only allowed
to do that once a month.
- So, it's been a while?
- [VINNY] Well
- It's been a while.
- Hasn't been a while
since me and Mom stayed up
real late last night,
watched a bunch of movies
- and had a big ol' bowl of popcorn.
- No, you didn't.
- [JOHNNY] What the fuck?
- [VINNY] Yeah, we ate popcorn.
Now, I know you're a liar, 'cause Mom
told me the whole
city was out of popcorn.
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- Was it caramel corn?
Fellas.
- Was it caramel corn?
- [JOHNNY] You stayed up with Mom?!
- Someone has to know where Randall is.
- [ARGUING CONTINUES]
Yeah, but his neighbors
haven't seen him,
and he isn't using
his credit cards or his phone.
I don't get it.
People can't just disappear anymore.
[TONY] That's not f
I want popcorn with Mom!
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
- [DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
Forty-nine famously
doesn't come after 52.
- Yes, it does, dumbass.
- Okay.
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
[LESTR ROBOT]
[BEEPING] One day until move-out.
[WHIRRING]
Mr. Putnam, I have your burgers.
Also, reminder:
you were reducing your sodium
to help with bloating.
Yeah, let me tell you
something, asshole.
I'm in soft pants now. Waistline
is deliberately bloat-friendly.
[MABEL] Well, loyal listeners,
it is our last day in the building,
and how can I put this?
We ain't got shit!
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
- [OLIVER SIGHS]
Would it cheer you up to show you this
new place I'm thinking of moving to?
Who reads a room better than you?
Well, no, it's kinda great,
we could all go.
Look, look at this.
It's got daily activities, there you go,
group field trips,
and an on-site estate lawyer,
- not sure what that is.
- [LESTR ROBOT THUMPING]
- Charles, this is a nursing home.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Ow.
It's not a nursing home.
Would a nursing home
have a helpful string in the bathroom
where you can summon
your own personal butler?
- [ITEMS CRASHING]
- And the personal butler
- [LESTR ROBOT] Oh, no!
- is wearing a stethoscope?
- [OLIVER] Mm-hmm.
- Well, maybe it is a nursing home.
Honestly, put me there.
[LESTR ROBOT] If someone could help,
I seem to be stuck in a labyrinth
of defunct one-act plays.
Oliver, your apartment stresses me out.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Thank you.
- [MABEL] Don't you leave
for New Zealand in, like, two days?
I'm packed!
These are all the items
I'll be carrying on.
This looks like the world's
saddest Planet Hollywood.
- [LESTR ROBOT] I need to
- [THUDDING]
Thank you.
Mabel, thought about where you're going?
- I'm not sure.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Ouch.
I have this friend
who has a place in the Maldives.
The Maldives? What friend?
[PHONE CHIMING, BUZZING]
[GASPS] Randall just posted.
Oh, well, of course he did,
because kids today
can't not post,
even if it gets them arrested.
- Mabel, does it say where he is?
- It sure does.
Cuba.
"Hola y adios from Cuba.
Old Randall down for a new start."
They don't extradite in Cuba.
Does that mean?
That's it.
Our probable murderer,
our last lead, up in smoke.
[LESTR ROBOT] [BUZZES]
Would a moving day checklist help?
[SIGHING] Okay, that's it.
I give up.
- No!
- Don't say that.
Guys, everything I've
worked for is gone.
Nothing we try works.
I just really wanna go home,
buy a pack of White Claws,
throw my shit in a box,
and get fucked up, you know?
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
[LESTR ROBOT] After you.
[CHARLES] Is she right?
Did we lose the Arconia and fail Lester?
[SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES]
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES]
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
- [TEDDY CHUCKLES]
Teddy Dimas?
Am I already drunk?
Sweetheart, long time no see.
I'm waiting on my company van
to come move my stuff.
Is this the same van
that you used to try to kidnap me?
Oh, right.
Good times.
So, do you believe this?
I finally get outta jail,
and everybody's moving out.
I'm drinking through it.
Wanna join me and some non-toilet wine?
Absolutely.
And by the way,
now that you're out of prison,
the "non-toilet" thing is implied.
Force of habit. [SIGHS]
I really changed in the clink.
Weren't you in one
of those white-collar,
like, minimum-security prisons
with a tennis court?
Doesn't change the fact
that the joint is a lonely place.
Sometimes, I'd go days,
and the only human interaction I'd have
would be my Duolingo teacher
in my AirPods.
But I now speak fluent Italian.
I hope you enjoy your
Brunello di Montalcino.
- Salute.
- [LESTR ROBOT BEEPING AND BUZZING]
[LESTR ROBOT] 6B, no consuming alcohol
in the common spaces.
14E of the West Tower,
no exercise apparatus
allowed in the lobby.
My buyer from Facebook Marketplace
is due here any minute.
[PANTING] I still have enough time
to catch my 30th ride with Cody.
Hey, hey!
Your robot. He's making up fake rules!
How dare you call LESTR a liar.
I'm pulling up the by-laws.
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING, BEEPING LOUDLY]
[LESTR ROBOT] Denied.
W-Why is my retinal scan being denied?
Babe, you need me to move closer?
[LESTR ROBOT] [CHIMING]
Retinal scan no longer valid.
I belong to a new administrator now,
Camila White's EVP of security.
You replaced me with someone
and you don't even know their name?
[LESTR ROBOT] I know their eyes,
and they unlock me.
After everything I've done for you?
I'm not gonna be ignored, LESTR.
Hey, you wanna keep it down?
If Cody shouts me out
and I can't hear it,
I'm gonna lose my shit.
- Wine me, bitches.
- We call ourselves the Givvie-Uppies.
Since when are you a quitter?
Since now. I am done investigating.
What the fuck did you just say?
I know. [SIGHS]
Where was this fun quitting attitude
when it came to a cute family
of grave robbers?
What are you doing here?
I wanted to come see you
on your last night.
Damn, I cannot believe
this place is going away.
And I can't believe I actually
give a shit either, but here we are.
[LESTR ROBOT] [CHIMING] Hello.
Visitors must sign the log.
Your mama.
[LESTR ROBOT] [BEEPING]
Tenant request, 14C. I'll be back.
[QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
- I LOVED YOU IN 2001: A Space Odyssey.
- [LESTR robot] [chiming]
"Brazzos fan mail '84 to '89.
Glasses."
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
[LESTR ROBOT] 14C, I have the tape
you requested.
[TAPE RIPPING]
Thank you.
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
- And, done packing.
- [OLIVER] Great news!
I figured out how we're gonna celebrate
our last night in the Arconia.
Oh, you're finally gonna start packing?
Absolutely not.
The theme of the night
is The Last Supper.
[LAUGHING RAPIDLY]
I love a cheeky Bible reference.
Okay, picture this.
Us in robes breaking bread,
and me at the center
of my long dining room table
looking very generous.
If we do our jobs right,
it will rival the original.
I can't make it.
I'm going to a a baseball game
with, uh, Jim Geronimo.
Who the hell is Jim Geronimo?
Well, actually, uh, I'm not sure.
I was just going through my old Rolodex
seeing what friends I might still have
outside the building.
And apparently, uh,
Jim Geronimo and I met
when we linked arms
at Hands Across America.
Tonight's the night
you decided to make friends?
The night you should be saying goodbye
to the friends you already have?
Last Supper, long table, us?!
I'm sorry, but kick-off is at 7:00 p.m.
See? You don't even know baseball.
For example,
"kick-off" is a Rockettes term.
Well, since investigating
murders in our building
is no longer on the menu,
I'm hobby-hunting.
And new-friends-hunting.
Fine.
I don't need to force someone
to give me closure.
I'm off to find Mabel.
[CHOKING UP]
I only need one disciple, anyway.
[LESTR ROBOT] [BEEPING]
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
[BEEPING]
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
Intruder in the gaming parlor.
The gaming parlor
is off limits to tenants.
The gaming parlor is off limits to
Go away, Speak n' Spell!
Mora, let me talk to you for a minute.
So, you're done investigating?
Are you crazy?
The one thing
that you're actually good at?
Yes, and I'm fine with it.
- Oh.
- I have a lot of irons in the fire.
Oh, okay, name one.
Well, they're not,
you know, "job" irons,
but I did get offered
to go yachting with Jay Pflug.
- Excuse me?
- [SIPPING LOUDLY, GULPING]
I feel like my daughter just told me
she's hopping on a pole.
I've been saying no
because, of course, but
Mm-hmm?
I am curious to see
if there is a good guy in there.
And a week on a yacht might be
a good way to figure it out.
I don't know, is that
the worst thing ever? God.
No.
It's just not who we are.
You and me, we don't give a damn
about looking at vistas all day.
If there's a problem out there,
we have to get in there.
[PHONE DINGING]
Yep, like right fucking now.
I gotta go. Official police business.
B-B-But maybe that's my problem.
Jay was telling me about his guru.
Guru?
She says most suffering
in Western civilization
comes from this need to achieve.
Uh, that's a shoe print, isn't it?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
No, it's a flip-flop print.
But half the flop.
And it's facing towards us,
which means the other half came from
[PANEL CREAKING]
- Okay, fuck the yacht.
- I can do five more minutes.
[QUIRKY MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Blood spatter.
And look at these white dots.
It's the same paint
from Nicky's clothes?
I bet you this is probably how they
smuggled Nicky's body out of here.
[DOOR SQUEAKING]
Holy shit, this leads out
to Caccimelio's dry cleaners.
That's where Nicky was found!
What the fuck is that?
[GRUNTS]
This is the background
from Randall's Instagram post.
He's not in Cuba, the motherfucker's
still in the building.
- [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Oh. There he is.
You know, I used to grease
those wheels real good.
- [CHEESE CUBE THUDS]
- [UMA] My wheels used to be greased.
[TEDDY CHUCKLES]
Howard, you haven't changed a bit.
- [KISS SMACKING]
- [CHUCKLES] Did I hear you speak Italian?
I once took an Italian night course.
- Really?
- Sì.
[OLIVER]
There's only 81 home games a year.
- Who knows when you'll get another chance?
- Wait.
- Teddy?
- [TEDDY DIMAS] Hey, boys.
Back from prison for ten hours
before I guess I move to Boca.
- Oh.
- So, how's tricks? What's new?
Well, I remarried.
Ooh, I love your wives. Is she hot?
- [TEDDY CHUCKLES]
- [OLIVER GROWLS]
Too soon. I heard it.
Pull up a box, boys,
we're having a last night block party.
- Uh, I'm actually on my way out.
- [TEDDY] What?
- On our last night?
- Thank you!
Oh, you know who knows
how to throw a last-night party?
The guys in the clink.
For my Bon Voyage,
they did a whole Last Suppe r theme.
- You did not just say that.
- [TEDDY] Yeah.
A guy who did a triple homicide
washed my feet.
[VINCE FISH] Anybody. Anybody.
I can't unclip.
Cody, Cody. Clipping instructions!
[PELOTON BEEPING]
Guys!
Update in the case!
Randall is in the building.
How? Where?
I I don't know, but we gotta go look.
Yes, we're back!
Where's the murder board?
Oh, uh, I might have,
uh, thrown it out.
- Wha
- You what?!
- What is wrong with you?
- Well, we didn't need it anymore.
But w-where's your sense
of sentimentality?
- Of ceremony?
- Let me move forward, Oliver.
Okay, you are such
a weird, emotionless robot.
LESTR, You need a date?
I found your soulmate.
I swear to God, Charles,
if you touch a button on his carriage
[MIMICS CUTTING]
Robot, text all of the residents,
have 'em come down to the lobby
for an emergency building meeting.
Yes. Our last building meeting.
Can we show up drunk?
Delivery for 6C?
6C has been gone for weeks.
[LESTR ROBOT] [CHIMING]
That's true. You're right.
Oh, my God. Have I died?
Did you just admit I'm right
for the first time in your life?
Wait, who ordered food
to an empty apartment?
[LESTR ROBOT] Randall Winston.
He is currently squatting in 6C.
- Wait, what?
- Why didn't you tell us?
[LESTR ROBOT] You never asked me.
[HOWARD] Is that what happened?
I didn't ask enough questions?
Well, I can be curious, baby.
[OLIVER AND CHARLES] To 6C!
I'm taking that.
Howard, are you fucking that thing?
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
[LESTR ROBOT] Delivery.
- [CHARLES] Randall.
- How's Cuba?
Look, I-I can explain.
[THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING]
[MABEL] Hey!
I think he's found our Achilles' heel.
To the elevator!
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[THRILLING MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [MABEL] Hey! Catch him!
- [OLIVER] Stop him!
[CHARLES] Get him!
Fuck, am I gonna have to run, too?
[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]
- Stop him!
- Don't let him get away!
I'll get him. Here I go! I got him!
I got Oh, oh God.
Oh, these are slippery.
[OLIVER] Stop him!
[GRUNTING AND THUDDING]
[TENANTS GASPING]
- [RANDALL GRUNTING]
- [MABEL] Oh, my God.
Theo!
- [TENANTS CLAMORING]
- My company van is here. And my son.
- [RANDALL PANTING]
- Hey, no, don't worry.
He's the murderer.
- I know.
- Randall, how could you do it?
Sweet old Lester?
And why? 'Cause you wanted his job?
I didn't do anything!
We saw you in the courtyard.
You were holding
the bloody elevator crank.
Lester told me not to say anything.
Yeah. Lester.
The real human one.
You withheld case information
because Lester told you to?
- [SIGHING]
- [CHARLES] And the only person
who can confirm this is Lester?
Who is dead.
- Which is convenient.
- I don't think it's convenient.
God, I wish someone else had been there.
[LESTR ROBOT] I was there.
[TENANTS GASPING AND MURMURING]
You were there?
[LESTR ROBOT] The original model was,
before he got subsequently
tossed from the roof.
But all his old files
were uploaded into me.
I can show you.
Lights to dim.
[WHIRRING]
Howard's ex.
[LESTR ROBOT]
Would you remove my hat, please?
[MABEL] Oh.
[LESTR ROBOT] Thank you.
[CROWD MURMURING]
[PROJECTOR BUZZING]
[LESTER] Randall! Randall!
Oh, my God. Lester, are you bleeding?
[PANTING] I need you to take
the wedding shrimp to Mr. Putnam.
- What are you talking about?
- The shrimp in the fridge
down the hall, take it to 10D now!
Alright. I got it. I got it.
But are you okay? Who hurt you?
[LESTER PANTING]
[LESTER] It's It's not my blood.
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
I couldn't let that mobster
take down my building.
I've been looking the
other way too long.
Lester, did you kill somebody?
You're gonna be a great doorman.
But don't say a word about
what you know, for your own safety.
- [RANDALL WINSTON] My safety?
- Just get the shrimp to Oliver.
- He'll know what to do.
- [RANDALL] Okay. Alright.
[LESTER] And, uh [PANTING]
I saved the old Arconia
with a piece of the old Arconia.
[SOFTLY CHUCKLES] Life.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
- Now, go. Take care of my place.
- [RANDALL] Okay. Shrimp, 10D. Shrimp, 10D.
- [PROJECTOR BEEPING]
- [LIGHTS CLICK]
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
Lester killed Nicky?
Bird-watching, adorable Lester?
He did it for the building.
So there wouldn't be any more crime.
So you all wouldn't lose your home.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SIGHS] He did it for you.
So, if Lester killed Nicky,
who killed Lester?
[RANDALL] I don't know.
I took the shrimp to your place,
and when I came back,
he was dead.
I saw the crank and I panicked.
[SIGHS] I put it in Nicky's office,
'cause I didn't want anyone to think
that Lester was a killer.
He was counting on us to finish the job.
That's why he left us
the finger in the shrimp.
And we failed.
We didn't solve the case.
And we lost the building
he died trying to protect.
We owe it to him to find
his killer before we go.
- Right, right.
- [LESTR ROBOT WHINING]
You're right.
I mean, we still have a few more hours.
We can't give up now.
Alright, Apostles.
On this last holy night, we have dips,
and a case to solve.
Thank the Lord, and Miller
for returning our murder board to us.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have some water
to turn into a big pitcher of Cosmos.
[CHUCKLES]
- Hey, remember that blizzard in '96
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
when we had that crazy
snowball fight in the courtyard?
Yeah, that was cute.
Till I slipped and wrenched
the fuck outta my back.
But a nice man helped me up.
Hey, that was me!
I remember you said,
"Hey, get your filthy hands
the hell off of me."
- Ah, that's a nice memory.
- It was.
Buy me a sandwich sometime?
Oh, yeah. Happily.
[PLUCKY MUSIC PLAYING]
[HOWARD] Ugh.
Where is Charles?
[LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
Oh.
- [LESTR ROBOT] Hello.
- Oh, hey.
Yeah, I'm doing really good.
I'm just so busy, so
- See you around.
- [LESTR ROBOT] After you.
Howard, why do you
let that robot get to you?
Look at you.
You've got a lot going on.
And you have a boyfriend.
What's his name?
If anyone in this building
ever listened to me,
they would know that Jonathan is on tour
with Thoroughly Modern Millie.
He broke up with me weeks ago.
- Oh.
- [HOWARD SOBBING]
[SOBBING CONTINUES]
I'm sorry.
I I know how it feels to be lonely.
I used to be the center
of my mother's world.
And then, she died.
You know, it might surprise you to know,
but having seven foster cats
wasn't exactly me thriving.
Ditto for the cadaver dog.
And that little pig was a cry for help.
When Jonathan broke up with me,
I felt like,
"Great, I have nobody, again."
So, yeah,
maybe I invested a little too much
in a robot that doesn't care about me.
- [LESTR ROBOT WHIRRING]
- [VOICE BREAKING] But Charles,
it felt so good
to have any kind of partner.
I never found my
people in this building.
Not like you did.
Look, we have done a bad job
of checking in with each other
in this building.
[HOWARD SNIFFLES]
And that's on us.
It's easy to assume that everyone
is just okay, but sometimes
they just aren't.
- Mm.
- And
it's easy to forget
to be a good neighbor.
[HOWARD SOBBING]
Well, Charles
[SIGHS]
You know, I'm not the biggest fan
of religious iconography,
but I gotta say,
Putnam can throw
one hell of a Last Supper.
There's still room for another apostle,
if you want to join us.
Okay.
Maybe I should go ask
forgiveness from Oliver
our Lord and Savior.
[HOWARD SNIFFLING]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
[LESTR ROBOT CHIMING]
- Oh!
- Jay.
Here you are!
Third apartment is the charm.
Ready to go?
To the Maldives?
Oh, uh [EXHALES SHARPLY]
Yeah, I am not doing that.
Oh. Um
Did I misread? [CHUCKLES]
No, you texted,
"I could be a boat bitch."
[MABEL] Mm.
Look, I'm investigating,
and you're a suspect.
So, either A, you show me
you're a good guy
and tell me what you know,
or B, we go our separate ways.
There's also C,
we go to the Maldives.
Hang out, tan.
Make murder someone else's problem?
Right.
I'm here with a bunch of people
who are losing their homes, Jay.
And if you had won that casino bid,
other people
would be losing their homes.
So, you wanna make the world
a better place?
Stop making it worse.
[WHIRRING]
Hey.
Hey. Aren't you late for your game?
I'm not going to the baseball game.
[WHIRRING]
I don't need new friends.
Plus, I found out that two years ago,
Jim Geronimo was eaten by a bear.
Well, I'm glad I beat the dead guy.
Look, I I I didn't want to come
to a closing ceremony,
because I don't wanna close anything.
You think I do?
Well, you and Mabel both have
some place to go after this.
Someone will take you in.
You're married.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
Right.
You know,
of all my showstopping productions,
this podcast was my favorite.
And some of that has to do with you.
Mostly Mabel, but but
you got in there.
[CHARLES SIGHS]
Hmm.
- [ITEMS RUSTLING]
- Charles, what are you doing?
Would you sign this?
Charles, this is my apartment.
For the next few hours.
Please?
What, are you being sentimental?
Well, it's a little piece of the Arconia
signed by the investigators
who solved four murders.
- Imagine if we'd made it five.
- Mm.
[SIGHS] "Dear"
- Charles.
- Ch-Charles, Charles.
- Haden.
- Haden.
- [CHARLES] Savage.
- [OLIVER] Savage.
Hey, did we ever figure out
what this is from?
Pictures of the floor? Really?
You should have been canceled
after season two.
[MABEL] Mm.
Wait.
I've seen that scuff mark.
We found that in front of my freezer.
We think it was left
by whoever stole the finger.
If you're looking for whoever
made those marks,
I can tell you who did.
Him.
[WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
- The robot?
- Yeah, I've been cleaning up his marks
- off the lobby floor for weeks.
- Come on, quick.
We'll grab him
and throw him off the roof.
No, wait, we did that already.
No one is killing the robot.
- This robot is innocent.
- [BEEPING]
Sure, sometimes he drips ink.
Yeah, from the printer in his butt.
But that is not his scuff.
This scuff is from something else.
I know, because my mother,
God rest her soul,
spent her final years
in a motorized chair.
I spared no expense
when it came to Mother,
which is why she had the very best,
the Pride Jazzy Elite HD, in lilac,
and it made this exact mark.
Oh, my God, Howard. You solved it.
- I did?
- Guys.
A Jazzy scooter?
Oh, my God.
You solved it, Howard.
You really did.
[HOWARD CHUCKLES]
[LESTR ROBOT] So, go ahead
and make me the bad guy.
But the one thing I can't do
is act out of malice.
[SCOOTER WHIRRING, WHEELS SCUFFING]
There are some things that humans
will always be better
at than machines.
One of those things is evil.
[JOHNNY AND TONY CHUCKLING]
- Bada-bing.
- That is my Nonna.
[CHUCKLES]
Go on, say it.
- [CACCIMELIO BROTHERS] Hey, hey!
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
- Hey!
- Watch your tone!
Where do you think you're from?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[LESTR ROBOT BUZZING AND WHIRRING]
[LESTR ROBOT CHIMING]
[DRAMATIC, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
sync & corrections awaqeded