Son of a Critch (2022) s05e09 Episode Script
Live in to Win
1
G'wan, girl My God, girl!
Some shockin' sin, girl!
[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
Take care, now.
Who was that?
Ah wrong number!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Some people
hit the bottle after a breakup.
Me, I hit the stage.
[ALARM CLOCK BEEPING]
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
But the mornings came quick.
[GROANS]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Too quick.
♪
♪
♪
Jeez, it's so foggy.
Moose!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): And the
night couldn't come quick enough.
The rush of the crowd distracted me.
Until it didn't.
I was carrying a torch
and burning the candle at both ends.
- [ALARM CLOCK BEEPING]
- Ah! [GROANS]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Destined to burn out.
♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
Hey, man. Great show, buddy!
That was excellent.
Uh have you seen Fox?
I left her a ticket.
The course of true love never
did run smooth, my friend.
STEVE: Hey, my buddy filmed our show.
Let's go back to my place and watch it.
I've got a math test tomorrow.
Maybe I should go study?
Sure. I'm not your father.
Go on, b'y, celebrate. You earned it.
Go on.
Alright!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sweet distraction.
It is ratings week.
The numbers we get now will
determine what we can charge
for commercials, which will determine
who has a job next week.
Gertie?
OZ-FM is number one.
Magic 97 is in second place.
- Yeah!
- Yes, sir! High five!
- Woo!
- [CLAPPING]
And what about AM?
GERTIE: Uh, VOCM is in fourth place,
after church radio.
MR. BARTLETT: But we're
gonna turn this ship around
with the biggest giveaway in
Newfoundland radio history.
Gertie?
Magic 97 is giving away a car!
- Oh, yeah! Yes, sir.
- [CLAPPING]
And, uh what about VOCM, sir?
The Big Freeze!
[HESITANT CLAPPING]
GERTIE: You're giving away
a deep freeze.
Full of frozen meat!
[DEFLATED MUSIC]
[CLICKS TONGUE]
♪
Dick
I think we're the ones bein' put on ice.
♪
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
Ooh, casserole. Who died?
Oh, I told Fox's mother
that I'd look in on her.
I don't like the idea of that
girl living all on her own.
Ah
What's all this stuff?
Oh, isn't that something?
They put Mike Jr. in the
paper for the contest.
Contest?
Oh, I gotta go get ready.
You keep your jeezly big
paws outta my casserole.
Mm-hm.
"Win a new car."
Really? Hm!
SISTER ROSE: Today is judgement day.
Remember, this exam is
worth 25% of your grade.
And you need math to
graduate high school.
What?
SISTER ROSE: Game on!
Flip 'em if you got 'em.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The only
thing that was adding up
was me failing.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
MIKE JR: This is Mike
Campbell broadcasting live
from Bartlett's Bargains,
where we're giving away
a brand-new Chevy Impala!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
The rules are simple.
Four people enter, and the last
one to leave drives it home.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
And our lucky contestants are
Scott Ollerhead!
SCOTT: Yes!
Wow!
[APPLAUSE]
Terry Mullins!
TERRY: Woo! [INDISTINCT]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Ashley Cummings!
ASHLEY: Yes!
MIKE JR: [CHUCKLES]
And last, but certainly not least
Patrick Critch!
POP: Wait, Critch? Here!
Critch, Critch! Critch, here!
Critch! Ha-ha!
- Hey!
- Yeah!
Pop, you can't enter! We're related!
On VOCM! But this is Magic 97.
And you're a Campbell now, not a Critch.
Look, perfectly legal.
I'll sue.
- Pop, come on.
- Come on!
Who wants to win a car?!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
[STEALTHY MUSIC]
♪
Dead?
ADULT MARK (V.O.): My solar
calculator had spent years
banished to the eternal
darkness of my locker.
[IN A WHISPER] What are you, cracked?!
[IN A WHISPER] I didn't study.
Why not?
You told me not to.
I never told you not to!
You ain't gonna fail, are ya?
Yes. I suck at math.
How is that even possible?
You're a nerd, for frig's sake!
Well, if you helped me an hour ago,
it'd just be teaching.
You're a teacher, so teach.
- Hang on.
- Teach fast!
Hang on!
- Teach.
- Shh!
[INTRIGUING MUSIC]
♪
♪
[IN A WHISPER] It's minus six.
♪
♪
♪
♪
I think I'm gonna puke.
[IN A WHISPER] Sir
Come on. Please.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
♪
A-ha!
Let me see that.
I didn't do anything!
MR. LEWIS: Okay. It's okay, Sister.
It seems everything's on the up-and-up.
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪
[EXHALES]
♪
MARK: [IN A WHISPER] Not now.
[IN A WHISPER] It's okay, I got it.
2x plus
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Mr. Lewis.
Mr. Critch.
My office, now.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
♪
I'm very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, Sister.
I
Not you. Him.
Kevin, you're a teacher,
for Christ's sake.
[SIGHS]
I'm going to have to call your parents.
Well, good luck.
My parents are long dead, Sister.
Oh, right.
- [ROCK MUSIC ON HEADPHONES]
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
MARY: Fox ?
Are ya home?
It was unlocked.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Sweet Jesus! Put some pants on!
It's my house!
Is Jennifer home?
She's doing a test.
Oh, that smells deadly.
Well, it smells rotten in here!
Ugh!
This is no place for a
young girl to be living.
Hey, I looks after her!
Who looks after you?
God, are are you
even payin' the bills?
Look
What if they turn the lights off?
That is private!
[SIGHS]
"You have been randomly
selected to take part
in the Nielsen radio ratings."
- What's that mean?
- Mike would know.
Says here they'll pay ya $30.00.
30 bucks!
Let yourself out, alright?
And tell Fox not to
eat all that macaroni.
Casserole.
[DOOR CLOSES]
MIKE JR: We are officially on hour three
of Magic 97's Live-in-to-Win,
and all four of our contestants
are still in the car!
It's a fancy car.
[EXHALES]
Almost like a spaceship.
You ever hear about Apollo 1?
They cut corners.
Used pure oxygen.
Highly flammable.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
A devil's bargain.
They couldn't open the
hatch from the inside.
So, when something sparked
they couldn't get out.
The fire was bright white.
Like the surface of the moon
those boys would never see.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Poof!
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
[APPLAUSE]
[AIR HORN TOOTING]
And then there were three.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, one of you guys
wanna jump up front?
Mike there's some
skeet here to see you.
I tried to get rid of him, but he
Mr. Critch?
I got something you're gonna wanna see.
Uh, that'll be all, Gertie.
Huh
Ratings book Not
many of these around.
I don't know what to do with it.
Oh, it's simple. Look,
you just fill in the date
and whatever station
you're listening to.
- Nothin' to it.
- I'll sell it to ya for 40 bucks.
You can put whatever ya want in there.
[LAUGHS] No, no, no,
that wouldn't be right.
See, if I filled that out,
I could boost our ratings.
Excuse me.
AD: Money problems? Lost your job?
Call us before you lose your home.
At Credit Solutions
[TURNS OFF AD]
How about a trade?
I'll take this and you can help yourself
to whatever's in that freezer out there.
Deadly.
♪
♪
[SIGHS]
Jason ?
[DOOR CLOSES]
He had to step out,
so I figured you could
use a home-cooked meal.
Oh.
Well, sit down, girl!
You must be starved.
Did my mom put you up to this?
No!
Girls helpin' girls is all.
This is so good, Mrs. Critch. Wow.
Mmm.
Well, you know that
you're welcome for supper
up at the house anytime.
Yeah, I-I don't think
Mark would like that.
Why not?
You know we broke up, right?
What?
He never told you?
No, he did not.
MIKE JR: On hour six of Live-in-to-Win.
How long will these contestants last?
Don't touch that dial!
[GROANING]
Oh, God
[GROANS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[GROANS]
My pills! Get my pills!
They're in my jacket
there on that chair!
- [AIR HORN BLASTING]
- [APPLAUSE]
MIKE JR: Another contestant
has exited the car.
Only two remain on Magic 97.
ASHLEY: You're good.
Well not my first rodeo.
You know, you may as well get out now.
Just save yourself the trouble.
And I should warn you
I've been eating beans.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
Okay, no need for violence.
I was missing my little girl anyways.
Hm.
Oh, is that hers?
Yeah.
She wanted me to take it for luck.
Well
She's with her dad, though, right? Now?
No idea where he is.
It's just me and her.
[SOFT, REFLECTIVE MUSIC]
Hm.
[PHONE RINGING]
Better listening, VOCM.
Are you calling about
the freezer full of meat?
SISTER ROSE: [PHONE] I most
certainly am not, Mr. Critch.
This is Sister Rose.
Uh, yes, Sister. Sorry, Sister.
I wanted you to know that I
caught your son cheating today.
Cheating, Sister?
SISTER ROSE: Yes. I
expected more from him.
I know you are a pillar of
the community, Mr. Critch,
and a man of exemplary character.
I can only assume
he learned this from his grandfather.
Yes, well cheating is bad.
"He who makes his ways
crooked will be found out."
Proverbs 10:9.
Amen. I'm sorry, Sister.
I'll talk to Mark
- [DIAL TONE]
- [SIGHS]
[HANGS UP]
♪
♪
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Alright, it's time for some improv.
Uh, does anyone have any suggestions?
Uh, bring up the house lights.
[TENSE MUSIC]
- Enjoy your car.
- Wait, wait, wait.
So, what would have been your plans
had you won the car?
It's 10 o'clock some nights
before I gets off work.
Then I gotta take the bus to
get my little girl to my mom's.
If I had a car, I could get
her to bed before midnight.
[SIGHS] For Christ's sake.
- [APPLAUSE]
- [AIR HORN TOOTING]
[LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Pop, the the car.
I can't win a car. We're related!
[SIGHS]
I just wanted somewhere nice to sit.
Thanks, Pop.
[APPLAUSE]
We have a winner!
Now, tell me, miss,
what are you gonna do
- with your brand-new car?
- I'm gonna sell it!
Me and my boyfriend
are gonna use the money
to take a trip to Florida!
BOYFRIEND: Baby, you did it!
What?!
Jeez!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
MIKE JR: Well, that's some sweet!
[SLY BLUES MUSIC]
♪
Well played.
[GIGGLES]
So, I hear we've got a big winner?
The fella that won says
it's a bit of a ripoff
because the freezer's
only half full of meat.
He's pretty mad.
Is he?
Well, take the big freezer,
swap it out for a little one,
see what he says then, hm?
Yes, sir.
What's this?
Oh, um, that's a
Nielsen book!
They're golden! Who tore it up?
I did, sir.
We could've bumped
up all our weak spots.
Yes, sir, but that would've been wrong.
Who would've known?!
I would've.
Do you ever think
about retirement, Mike?
Because maybe you should.
[DEFLATED MUSIC]
I'm sorry I cheated on the exam.
Cheated?
Well, that's news to me.
Oh.
Then maybe I didn't?
I think you've told enough
jokes for one night, buster.
So, why are you here, then?
You didn't tell me that
you and Fox broke up.
You saw her?
What did she say?
That you hurt her some bad.
Keeping secrets
We used to be pretty tight, you and me.
I'm not the only one keeping secrets.
Well, what's that supposed to mean?
I'm not an idiot.
Something's goin' on.
It feels like you're the
ones putting on a play,
pretending like
whatever's happening isn't.
Don't you try and turn this on me.
Mom, you wanted to talk.
So, talk.
I'm not a kid anymore.
We have to move.
They're tearing down the house.
Where are we going?
I don't have a clue.
God, I
never said that out loud,
not even to your father.
Next time
maybe you could lie just a little bit.
[CHUCKLES]
[SOFT, EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
Your show was really good.
I was too crooked to laugh,
but you got me a few times.
♪
I put all my time into this show.
And now I failed math.
Oh
I couldn't get into theatre
school even if I had the money.
I'm so stunned, Mom.
It's all a waste.
You know what?
Me and your father,
we have always tried
to do the right thing.
Played by the rules
Where'd that get us?
Broke and homeless.
You gotta go follow your dream, honey.
But no more secrets, okay?
Deal.
♪
♪
[INHALES SHAKILY]
[EXHALES]
You know, the whole Fox thing
Yeah, love?
It really hurts.
I know.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Some
things hurt forever.
They say what others
don't know won't hurt them.
That's not true.
Lies spread quickly.
The truth spreads slower,
but it lasts longer.
Sometimes we lie to ourselves,
and that can be the
biggest burden of all.
Mom?
I wanna come home.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Still, the
truth can be hard to accept.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[SIGHS]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It's
hard to earn back trust.
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): But,
if you're lucky enough
to get a second chance
[SILENTLY] Thank you.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
the best thing you can do
is not ever need a third.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
G'wan, girl My God, girl!
Some shockin' sin, girl!
[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
Take care, now.
Who was that?
Ah wrong number!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Some people
hit the bottle after a breakup.
Me, I hit the stage.
[ALARM CLOCK BEEPING]
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
But the mornings came quick.
[GROANS]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Too quick.
♪
♪
♪
Jeez, it's so foggy.
Moose!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): And the
night couldn't come quick enough.
The rush of the crowd distracted me.
Until it didn't.
I was carrying a torch
and burning the candle at both ends.
- [ALARM CLOCK BEEPING]
- Ah! [GROANS]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Destined to burn out.
♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
Hey, man. Great show, buddy!
That was excellent.
Uh have you seen Fox?
I left her a ticket.
The course of true love never
did run smooth, my friend.
STEVE: Hey, my buddy filmed our show.
Let's go back to my place and watch it.
I've got a math test tomorrow.
Maybe I should go study?
Sure. I'm not your father.
Go on, b'y, celebrate. You earned it.
Go on.
Alright!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sweet distraction.
It is ratings week.
The numbers we get now will
determine what we can charge
for commercials, which will determine
who has a job next week.
Gertie?
OZ-FM is number one.
Magic 97 is in second place.
- Yeah!
- Yes, sir! High five!
- Woo!
- [CLAPPING]
And what about AM?
GERTIE: Uh, VOCM is in fourth place,
after church radio.
MR. BARTLETT: But we're
gonna turn this ship around
with the biggest giveaway in
Newfoundland radio history.
Gertie?
Magic 97 is giving away a car!
- Oh, yeah! Yes, sir.
- [CLAPPING]
And, uh what about VOCM, sir?
The Big Freeze!
[HESITANT CLAPPING]
GERTIE: You're giving away
a deep freeze.
Full of frozen meat!
[DEFLATED MUSIC]
[CLICKS TONGUE]
♪
Dick
I think we're the ones bein' put on ice.
♪
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
Ooh, casserole. Who died?
Oh, I told Fox's mother
that I'd look in on her.
I don't like the idea of that
girl living all on her own.
Ah
What's all this stuff?
Oh, isn't that something?
They put Mike Jr. in the
paper for the contest.
Contest?
Oh, I gotta go get ready.
You keep your jeezly big
paws outta my casserole.
Mm-hm.
"Win a new car."
Really? Hm!
SISTER ROSE: Today is judgement day.
Remember, this exam is
worth 25% of your grade.
And you need math to
graduate high school.
What?
SISTER ROSE: Game on!
Flip 'em if you got 'em.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The only
thing that was adding up
was me failing.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
MIKE JR: This is Mike
Campbell broadcasting live
from Bartlett's Bargains,
where we're giving away
a brand-new Chevy Impala!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
The rules are simple.
Four people enter, and the last
one to leave drives it home.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
And our lucky contestants are
Scott Ollerhead!
SCOTT: Yes!
Wow!
[APPLAUSE]
Terry Mullins!
TERRY: Woo! [INDISTINCT]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Ashley Cummings!
ASHLEY: Yes!
MIKE JR: [CHUCKLES]
And last, but certainly not least
Patrick Critch!
POP: Wait, Critch? Here!
Critch, Critch! Critch, here!
Critch! Ha-ha!
- Hey!
- Yeah!
Pop, you can't enter! We're related!
On VOCM! But this is Magic 97.
And you're a Campbell now, not a Critch.
Look, perfectly legal.
I'll sue.
- Pop, come on.
- Come on!
Who wants to win a car?!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
[STEALTHY MUSIC]
♪
Dead?
ADULT MARK (V.O.): My solar
calculator had spent years
banished to the eternal
darkness of my locker.
[IN A WHISPER] What are you, cracked?!
[IN A WHISPER] I didn't study.
Why not?
You told me not to.
I never told you not to!
You ain't gonna fail, are ya?
Yes. I suck at math.
How is that even possible?
You're a nerd, for frig's sake!
Well, if you helped me an hour ago,
it'd just be teaching.
You're a teacher, so teach.
- Hang on.
- Teach fast!
Hang on!
- Teach.
- Shh!
[INTRIGUING MUSIC]
♪
♪
[IN A WHISPER] It's minus six.
♪
♪
♪
♪
I think I'm gonna puke.
[IN A WHISPER] Sir
Come on. Please.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
♪
A-ha!
Let me see that.
I didn't do anything!
MR. LEWIS: Okay. It's okay, Sister.
It seems everything's on the up-and-up.
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪
[EXHALES]
♪
MARK: [IN A WHISPER] Not now.
[IN A WHISPER] It's okay, I got it.
2x plus
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Mr. Lewis.
Mr. Critch.
My office, now.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
♪
I'm very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, Sister.
I
Not you. Him.
Kevin, you're a teacher,
for Christ's sake.
[SIGHS]
I'm going to have to call your parents.
Well, good luck.
My parents are long dead, Sister.
Oh, right.
- [ROCK MUSIC ON HEADPHONES]
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
MARY: Fox ?
Are ya home?
It was unlocked.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Sweet Jesus! Put some pants on!
It's my house!
Is Jennifer home?
She's doing a test.
Oh, that smells deadly.
Well, it smells rotten in here!
Ugh!
This is no place for a
young girl to be living.
Hey, I looks after her!
Who looks after you?
God, are are you
even payin' the bills?
Look
What if they turn the lights off?
That is private!
[SIGHS]
"You have been randomly
selected to take part
in the Nielsen radio ratings."
- What's that mean?
- Mike would know.
Says here they'll pay ya $30.00.
30 bucks!
Let yourself out, alright?
And tell Fox not to
eat all that macaroni.
Casserole.
[DOOR CLOSES]
MIKE JR: We are officially on hour three
of Magic 97's Live-in-to-Win,
and all four of our contestants
are still in the car!
It's a fancy car.
[EXHALES]
Almost like a spaceship.
You ever hear about Apollo 1?
They cut corners.
Used pure oxygen.
Highly flammable.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
A devil's bargain.
They couldn't open the
hatch from the inside.
So, when something sparked
they couldn't get out.
The fire was bright white.
Like the surface of the moon
those boys would never see.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Poof!
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
[APPLAUSE]
[AIR HORN TOOTING]
And then there were three.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, one of you guys
wanna jump up front?
Mike there's some
skeet here to see you.
I tried to get rid of him, but he
Mr. Critch?
I got something you're gonna wanna see.
Uh, that'll be all, Gertie.
Huh
Ratings book Not
many of these around.
I don't know what to do with it.
Oh, it's simple. Look,
you just fill in the date
and whatever station
you're listening to.
- Nothin' to it.
- I'll sell it to ya for 40 bucks.
You can put whatever ya want in there.
[LAUGHS] No, no, no,
that wouldn't be right.
See, if I filled that out,
I could boost our ratings.
Excuse me.
AD: Money problems? Lost your job?
Call us before you lose your home.
At Credit Solutions
[TURNS OFF AD]
How about a trade?
I'll take this and you can help yourself
to whatever's in that freezer out there.
Deadly.
♪
♪
[SIGHS]
Jason ?
[DOOR CLOSES]
He had to step out,
so I figured you could
use a home-cooked meal.
Oh.
Well, sit down, girl!
You must be starved.
Did my mom put you up to this?
No!
Girls helpin' girls is all.
This is so good, Mrs. Critch. Wow.
Mmm.
Well, you know that
you're welcome for supper
up at the house anytime.
Yeah, I-I don't think
Mark would like that.
Why not?
You know we broke up, right?
What?
He never told you?
No, he did not.
MIKE JR: On hour six of Live-in-to-Win.
How long will these contestants last?
Don't touch that dial!
[GROANING]
Oh, God
[GROANS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[GROANS]
My pills! Get my pills!
They're in my jacket
there on that chair!
- [AIR HORN BLASTING]
- [APPLAUSE]
MIKE JR: Another contestant
has exited the car.
Only two remain on Magic 97.
ASHLEY: You're good.
Well not my first rodeo.
You know, you may as well get out now.
Just save yourself the trouble.
And I should warn you
I've been eating beans.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
Okay, no need for violence.
I was missing my little girl anyways.
Hm.
Oh, is that hers?
Yeah.
She wanted me to take it for luck.
Well
She's with her dad, though, right? Now?
No idea where he is.
It's just me and her.
[SOFT, REFLECTIVE MUSIC]
Hm.
[PHONE RINGING]
Better listening, VOCM.
Are you calling about
the freezer full of meat?
SISTER ROSE: [PHONE] I most
certainly am not, Mr. Critch.
This is Sister Rose.
Uh, yes, Sister. Sorry, Sister.
I wanted you to know that I
caught your son cheating today.
Cheating, Sister?
SISTER ROSE: Yes. I
expected more from him.
I know you are a pillar of
the community, Mr. Critch,
and a man of exemplary character.
I can only assume
he learned this from his grandfather.
Yes, well cheating is bad.
"He who makes his ways
crooked will be found out."
Proverbs 10:9.
Amen. I'm sorry, Sister.
I'll talk to Mark
- [DIAL TONE]
- [SIGHS]
[HANGS UP]
♪
♪
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Alright, it's time for some improv.
Uh, does anyone have any suggestions?
Uh, bring up the house lights.
[TENSE MUSIC]
- Enjoy your car.
- Wait, wait, wait.
So, what would have been your plans
had you won the car?
It's 10 o'clock some nights
before I gets off work.
Then I gotta take the bus to
get my little girl to my mom's.
If I had a car, I could get
her to bed before midnight.
[SIGHS] For Christ's sake.
- [APPLAUSE]
- [AIR HORN TOOTING]
[LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Pop, the the car.
I can't win a car. We're related!
[SIGHS]
I just wanted somewhere nice to sit.
Thanks, Pop.
[APPLAUSE]
We have a winner!
Now, tell me, miss,
what are you gonna do
- with your brand-new car?
- I'm gonna sell it!
Me and my boyfriend
are gonna use the money
to take a trip to Florida!
BOYFRIEND: Baby, you did it!
What?!
Jeez!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
MIKE JR: Well, that's some sweet!
[SLY BLUES MUSIC]
♪
Well played.
[GIGGLES]
So, I hear we've got a big winner?
The fella that won says
it's a bit of a ripoff
because the freezer's
only half full of meat.
He's pretty mad.
Is he?
Well, take the big freezer,
swap it out for a little one,
see what he says then, hm?
Yes, sir.
What's this?
Oh, um, that's a
Nielsen book!
They're golden! Who tore it up?
I did, sir.
We could've bumped
up all our weak spots.
Yes, sir, but that would've been wrong.
Who would've known?!
I would've.
Do you ever think
about retirement, Mike?
Because maybe you should.
[DEFLATED MUSIC]
I'm sorry I cheated on the exam.
Cheated?
Well, that's news to me.
Oh.
Then maybe I didn't?
I think you've told enough
jokes for one night, buster.
So, why are you here, then?
You didn't tell me that
you and Fox broke up.
You saw her?
What did she say?
That you hurt her some bad.
Keeping secrets
We used to be pretty tight, you and me.
I'm not the only one keeping secrets.
Well, what's that supposed to mean?
I'm not an idiot.
Something's goin' on.
It feels like you're the
ones putting on a play,
pretending like
whatever's happening isn't.
Don't you try and turn this on me.
Mom, you wanted to talk.
So, talk.
I'm not a kid anymore.
We have to move.
They're tearing down the house.
Where are we going?
I don't have a clue.
God, I
never said that out loud,
not even to your father.
Next time
maybe you could lie just a little bit.
[CHUCKLES]
[SOFT, EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
Your show was really good.
I was too crooked to laugh,
but you got me a few times.
♪
I put all my time into this show.
And now I failed math.
Oh
I couldn't get into theatre
school even if I had the money.
I'm so stunned, Mom.
It's all a waste.
You know what?
Me and your father,
we have always tried
to do the right thing.
Played by the rules
Where'd that get us?
Broke and homeless.
You gotta go follow your dream, honey.
But no more secrets, okay?
Deal.
♪
♪
[INHALES SHAKILY]
[EXHALES]
You know, the whole Fox thing
Yeah, love?
It really hurts.
I know.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Some
things hurt forever.
They say what others
don't know won't hurt them.
That's not true.
Lies spread quickly.
The truth spreads slower,
but it lasts longer.
Sometimes we lie to ourselves,
and that can be the
biggest burden of all.
Mom?
I wanna come home.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Still, the
truth can be hard to accept.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[SIGHS]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It's
hard to earn back trust.
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): But,
if you're lucky enough
to get a second chance
[SILENTLY] Thank you.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
the best thing you can do
is not ever need a third.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪