Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s05e10 Episode Script

1
Tohru: Unh! Oh!
Jade: That's it, big guy.
Only 2 more miles.
Tohru: Oh, I can't--
I can't make it.
Jade: Can't isn't in our
vocabulary.
Feel the burn!
(Tohru groans)
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jackie!
Jade: What is it, uncle?
Uncle: A drum!
The immortal relic
used to defeat po Kong,
the mountain demon.
Demon chi has been
activated!
Jackie: Canada.
Stone walls.
Must be Quebec.
It's a walled city.
We'd better move quickly.
After losing
the thunder demon chi,
drago will be
more determined than ever.
(Tohru breathing heavily)
Jade: Going somewhere?
Jackie: Canada.
The mountain demon chi
is in Quebec.
Jade: Cool!
I can practice my French.
Croissant, crepe,
creme brulee, baguette.
Tohru: Mmm!
Baguette.
Jade: No baguette, tohru!
Think lean and mean
protein.
No bread, no pasta, no rice,
no cookies, no cake.
Jackie: No Quebec.
And no argument.
You have a big math test
tomorrow. Remember?
You stay here with tohru.
Jade: Aww.
Tohru: Ugh!
(Chi-o-matic sputtering)
Jackie: Is it broken?
Uncle: Not anymore.
Jackie: "Ancient rice
and artifacts collection?"
Rice?
I thought we were
searching for a drum.
Maybe that thing is broken.
Maybe it's that new
containment jar.
Uncle: Since when are you
the big-time expert?
New containment jar
not a problem.
Uncle made so
device can hold
more than one
demon chi at once.
Does not affect
the way detector works.
Now knock.
French woman: Bonjour.
Comment allez-vous
à aujourd'hui?
Jackie: Maybe we
should have brought Jade.
Jackie: Uh Bonjour.
My name is Jackie chan,
and this is my uncle.
We are from America,
and we are looking
for an ancient drum.
Do you have one?
French woman:
Bienvenue.
Entree, entree.
Merci de venir.
Amusez-vous.
Uncle: Uncle knows that people
collect many things
But rice?
Chopsticks?
Jackie: Wooden chopsticks.
Uncle: Carved from ancient
drumsticks, used to play
immortal drum.
Jackie: But which ones?
Drago: Chan fried rice,
anyone?
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jackie: Drago!
Drago: I'd say it was
good to see you, chan,
but why start the day
with a big, fat lie?
Jackie: Uncle!
The chopsticks!
We will have to
take them all!
French woman: Qu'est-ce
à que c'est?
Jackie: Watch out!
Uh, you know, I never did
get your name.
Uncle: Aiiyaaa!
Drago: So how would you like
your uncle to be cooked?
Rare, medium
or well-done!
Jackie: Strike.
Uncle: Maybe uncle
should retire?
Drago: Dead end, old man,
in more ways than one.
(Tohru grunting)
Jade: Come on, tohru.
You need to get
in shape.
No pain, no gain.
Almost there.
(Tohru grunts)
Jade: Perfect! That was one.
Way to push yourself, dude.
Eating right is cool,
you dig?
If you don't,
your butt's too big.
Sorry, pal.
Think lean. But cheer up!
There's a tasty
tofu Patty back home
with your name on it.
(Tohru groans)
Jackie: I don't think
I've ever been so tired.
(Yawns)
Uncle: No yawning!
We have work to do!
(Yawns)
Jackie: I know, I know.
We must find
which chopsticks
contain
the mountain demon chi.
(Uncle yawns)
(Grunts)
Jackie: You falling asleep!
Uncle: Stop pointing finger!
You are the one
falling asleep!
Jackie: No, I am wide awake!
But you, you are doing this!
(Imitates yawn)
Uncle: Not sleeping.
Resting eyes.
But maybe tea will help you
keep yours open.
Uncle will put kettle on
In just a minute.
(Both snoring)
(Stomach growls)
(Stomach growls)
Tohru: I heard you
the first time.
(Both snoring)
Tohru: Ohh, I hate fish
And tofu Patty.
Mmm. Yummy
pork fried rice.
No. Jade said I
should not have rice.
One bite couldn't hurt.
Jade.
Hmm.
Pretty.
(Drago growls)
Drago: I can't believe we're
back in this lame junkyard!
The space needle lair,
gone!
The thunder demon chi,
gone!
And any faith I ever had
that you 3 were
strong enough to beat
Jackie chan, gone!
Strikemaster ice:
Yo, dude,
step off the blame game.
It wasn't our fault.
Drago: Then whose fault
was it?!
Mc cobra: Yours?
Drago: You wanna
guess again?
Mc cobra: Nah. I'm cool.
Drago: I'm through losing
everything to Jackie chan.
I want that
mountain demon chi.
And then it's
payback time.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna be
something chan's never
gonna forget.
Hear what I'm sayin'?!
But first thing's first.
Strikemaster ice:
Uh, are we supposed
to follow him or what?
Both: Huh?
Jade: 5 pounds?!
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jackie: Mommy!
Jade: How did you gain
5 pounds in 2 days?
You've been cheating
on your diet, haven't you?
Haven't you?!
You know what that means.
Tohru: No! No, please.
Not push-ups.
Jade: Drop and give me 20!
Tohru: That scale's
an antique.
Perhaps it is defective.
Uncle: Nothing in
uncle's shop is defective!
(Chi-o-matic sputters)
Jackie: Make that
almost nothing.
Uncle: Detector
not defective,
just temperamental.
Now hurry and dig
through the chopsticks.
We are behind schedule
because you fell asleep.
Jackie: So did you.
Uncle: Uncle merely
resting brain.
Jackie: How is it possible?
None of these chopsticks
contain the demon chi?
Uncle: Maybe you
dropped pair?
Jackie: I did not drop
anything.
Besides you were the one
holding the bag.
Just admit it.
I'm right.
That machine of yours
has gone haywire.
Uncle: Uncle not saying yes.
Uncle not saying no.
Uncle not saying haywire.
Uncle will run test.
Happy?
Jade: You've got to be
kidding me!
7 more pounds
in one day?
don't even try to tell me
you're not cheating,
'cause I know you are!
Tohru: I may have been
Snacking.
Jade: On what, concrete?
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Uncle's been robbed!
Jackie: What did they take?
Ancient carvings,
rare paintings?
Uncle: Bagels!
Jackie: Bagels?
Jade: Bagels.
Uncle: Doughnuts, soup,
hummus, everything's gone!
Jackie: What kind of thief
steals only food?
Uncle: Hungry thief.
Calling police.
Put out apb for uncle's
cream cheese.
Jackie: Uncle, the police
don't have time
to track down your--
Jade: Besides there
is no thief.
It was just tohru
Cheating on his diet.
He's gained 7 pounds
since yesterday!
Tohru: Maybe I'm retaining
a little water.
Jade: Yeah, maybe you're
retaining the pacific ocean.
Drago: This is more like it!
The right crib
- makes all the difference.
Strikemaster ice:
Place rocks, d-man!
Mc cobra: Yeah, and these
night vision things
are off the hook!
Drago: If you think
this is sweet,
just wait'll we bring it
to the chans!
Strikemaster ice:
Bring on the hurt
Mc cobra: Bring on the pain!
Strikemaster ice: Yo,
so what's the plan, d-dude?
Drago: Surprise attack
on the antique shop
owned by chan's uncle.
Strikemaster ice: Cool.
Hit 'em on their own turf.
Drago: We're gonna take down
the chans,
take down section 13,
and then all the demon chi
will finally be mine!
It's gonna be my turn
to call the shots!
Strikemaster ice:
For reals, homes.
Security guard:
Hey, who's in there?
Drago: We don't need any
unnecessary heat right now.
Meeting adjourned.
don't forget the swag.
Jackie: Uncle,
it's very late.
Are you all right?
Uncle: Uncle is fine.
And so is chi detector.
Chopsticks do not have
mountain demon chi.
Jackie: Then
where did it go?
Jade: I knew it.
He is so weak.
Whoa! So not nutritious.
Tohru: Food!
Jade: Aah! Aah! Jackie!
Uncle!
Uncle: Why can't niece
use indoor voice?
Jade: Told ya. It's like he's
a giant trash compactor.
(Jackie gasps)
Uncle: Not trash!
Priceless antiques!
Drago: Approaching
target of opportunity.
200 yards and closing.
Continue stealth mode.
Mc cobra: Why is he talkin'
into the headset?
Yo, we're right here.
Strikemaster ice:
Dude's into protocol.
Drago: The chans will
never see this coming.
Or anything else
ever again.
Take no prisoners.
Jackie: I don't know
how it happened,
but tohru must have absorbed
the mountain demon chi.
Jade: Ya think?
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Han dynasty noodle cabinet!
Tohru, uncle's shop is not
an all you can eat buffet!
No! Stop!
- Not Tibetan prayer table!
Cost uncle small fortune!
Jackie: Uncle!
Forget about the table!
We need to remove
- the demon chi from tohru.
Uncle: How about plastic
mahjong set?
Much better for digestion!
Jade: Whoa. Looks like tohru's
done with the appetizers.
Jackie: And moving on
to the main course.
Uncle: Uncle's afraid
today's special is
San Francisco!
Jade: Hurry! We must remove
the mountain demon chi
from tohru
before he turns
the entire city
into breakfast!
All: Whaa! Hyah!
Drago: Game over, chan!
Strikemaster ice: Whoa!
Looks like somebody already
crizzashed this partay!
Mc cobra: Drag.
Drago: Grrr!
I smell demon chi.
Jackie: Tohru, stop!
Jade: Whoa! He is so
gonna have heartburn.
Uncle: Too far away.
Must get closer!
Jackie: Aah!
Oh, no! Not now!
Ow!
Bad day, bad day.
Jade!
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jade: Aah! Aah!
Tohru: Jade.
Jade: Aah!
Drago: It's over, chan!
Your family tree is
about to be chopped down!
Strikemaster ice: Whoa!
Earthquake?
Jade: Tohru quake!
(Tohru grunting)
Tohru: Arrgh!
(Snorts)
All: Aah!
Drago: Yo, jolly green
freak show!
You've got something
that belongs to me,
and I want it back!
(All grunting)
Uncle: Jackie!
The blowfish!
Jackie: Whoa!
Jade, stay here.
Jade: This time,
I think I will.
(Uncle chanting
in Chinese)
Jackie: Uncle!
Wait!
If you remove the mountain
demon chi from tohru,
he will be crushed!
Jackie: No! Tohru!
Tohru: Ugh!
Drago: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
(Uncle chanting in Chinese)
Drago: No!
Drago: You're
gonna pay for that!
Uncle: Uncle doesn't
have cash.
How about I.O.U.?
(Chanting in Chinese)
Drago: Aah!
(Uncle chanting)
Tohru: Ugh!
What's happening?
Jackie: Uncle is trying to
remove drago's fire power.
Jade: Yes!
(Uncle chanting)
Drago: Aghh!
Ugh!
My fire power!
This isn't over!
Jackie: Actually
I think it is.
Strikemaster ice: Yo,
don't sweat it, d-man.
We got your back!
Jade: Ooh!
Uncle really put drago's
fire breath on ice!
Jackie: And now
- section 13 will finally have
all the demon chi powers
under control.
(Tohru burping)
Tohru: Ooh, sorry.
Must've been
something I ate.
Jade: Yeah, well, I hope you
enjoyed your little binge,
'cause from here on out,
I have 2 words for you.
Celery sticks.
And don't think that
just because you
saved us and everything
you get to skip your
workout tomorrow, 'cause
that's not gonna happen.
Tohru: Unhh!
Jade: Hey, Jackie, have you
ever flown a plane?
Jackie: Actually, I did.
Not the commercial one,
of course, the private jet,
with the pilot
and the copilot
let me to drive.
But I'd really like to learn
helicopter.