The Brady Bunch (1969) s05e14 Episode Script
Kelly's Kids
1
HERE'S THE STORY
OF A LOVELY LADY
WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪
ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪
LIKE THEIR MOTHER
THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS
IT'S THE STORY
OF A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪
WHO WAS BUSY
WITH THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪
THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪
YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE
TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪
AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪
THAT THIS GROUP
MUST SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪
THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
THE BRADY BUNCH
THE BRADY BUNCH
THAT'S THE WAY
WE BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
GET IT, GET IT!
GET THAT OUT OF HERE.
(Greg) COME ON, PETER.
[all shouting]
(Greg) COME ON, PETER. GO!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOUR KIDS WERE OUR INSPIRATION.
YOUR INSPIRATION?
MMM-HMM.
AFTER THOSE TALKS
WITH YOU AND MIKE
WELL,
LOOK.
OH, MIKE, LOOK. ISN'T HE CUTE?
(Mike) YEAH.
(Kathy) THAT'S MATT.
MATT?
HE'S 8 YEARS OLD AND ALL OURS.
AFTER TOMORROW, HE'S OUR SON.
YOUR SON? YEAH.
OH, CONGRATULATIONS.
OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU.
HEY, THAT'S WHY YOU GO
THE BIGGER HOUSE.
YEAH. WE DIDN'
WANT TO SAY ANYTHING
UNTIL AFTER ALL THE
ADOPTION PAPERS WERE FINAL.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
BEING PARENTS.
IT IS SO MUCH FUN
WATCHING THEM GROW,
SEEING THEM LEARN,
SHARING THEIR LOVE.
[children shouting]
HEY! HEY, WHERE'S THE
BOBBY!
BASKET!
BASKET, ON THE TABLE!
[children shrieking]
LIKE I SAID,
THEY'VE GIVEN US
NOTHING BUT DELIGHT.
[shrieking continues]
AND A LITTLE BIT OF
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.
NO FAIR.
KIDS! HEY!
HEY! WHAT?
HOLD IT DOWN
TO A SMALL ROAR, HUH?
OH.
(Carol) OH, HE IS SUCH
A CUTE LITTLE BOY.
OH, HE'S SWEET, HE'S BRIGHT,
HE'S OPEN.
HE'S ADORABLE.
AND HE'S HOUSEBROKEN.
WHICH IS MORE THAN YOU
CAN SAY FOR YOUR KIDS
WHEN YOU GOT 'EM.
WOW!
[birds chirping]
[inaudible]
WOW!
WOW!
THIS IS THE BEST ROOM
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
WOW!
NOT JUST TOYS,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT MORE
THAN THAT, SON.
YEAH.
RACING CARS. REAL RACING CARS.
A-AND A REAL FATHER
AND A REAL MOTHER.
THERE ARE LOTS OF
CRAYONS IN THE DESK?
I LOVE TO DRAW.
I'M GONNA BE AN ARTIST,
AND A BASEBALL PLAYER,
AND A FIREMAN,
AND A COWBOY, AND AN ASTRONAUT.
HOW ABOUT A NUCLEAR SCIENTIST?
OK.
OH, OK.
[chuckles]
OH, HO.
[chuckles]
YOU BEAT ME AGAIN?
YOU MUST BE
A TERRIFIC CHECKER PLAYER.
THE OTHER KIDS
BEAT ME ALL THE TIME.
YOU MUST BE ROTTEN.
HERE'S WHERE WE KEEP
THE TOOTHPASTE.
AND HERE'S A BRAND NEW
TOOTHBRUSH FOR YOU.
THANKS.
MMM-HMM.
HERE YOU GO.
MOM. HMM?
I CAN BRUSH MY OWN TEETH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
[sighs]
I GO TO BATHROOM BY MYSELF, TOO.
OOH. OH, RIGHT, OF COURSE.
OH, IT'S BEEN A LONG, HARD DAY.
FOR HIM OR FOR US?
FOR ALL OF US, I THINK.
HE SHOULD BE ASLEEP
IN NO TIME AT ALL.
DO I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP?
YOU GUESSED IT.
OK, OFF TO BED NOW. COME ON.
GOD BLESS MR. AND MRS. KELLY.
I MEAN, MOM AND DAD.
MISS PHILLIPS.
THAT'S THE LADY AT THE HOME.
DWAYNE AND STEVE,
THEY'RE MY 2 BEST PALS,
AND JOE, AND JULIE, AND HOPE,
AND WENDY, AND PAUL,
AND MARGARET,
AND RANDY, AND BARBARA,
AND JEANNIE,
AND TOMMY.
IS THAT ALL THE CHILDREN?
NO. I LEFT OUT KAREN MARTIN.
SHE BIT ME ONCE.
OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THAT.
INTO BED.
YEAH. COME ON.
IN YOU GO.
[doorbell rings]
WELL, GOOD EVENING, MR. KELLY.
OH, MRS. PAYNE.
UH, MR. KELLY,
I'll COME RIGHT TO THE POINT.
WHEN YOU MOVED IN NEXT DOOR,
MR. PAYNE AND I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT YOU HAD CHILDREN.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE DIDN'T.
MATT JUST JOINED
OUR FAMILY TODAY.
OH.
AN ADOPTED CHILD.
YES, AN ADOPTED CHILD.
OH. WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY,
UH, MR. PAYNE AND I
DON'T HAVE CHILDREN
AND WE LIKE
TO KEEP OUR HOME NEAT.
BOYS TRAMPLE FLOWERS,
BREAK WINDOWS,
AND WRITE ON WALLS,
SOMETIMES DREADFUL THINGS.
I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT, MRS. PAYNE.
WELL, I HOPE NOT.
OUR HOUSES ARE
RATHER CLOSE TOGETHER.
OH, BY THE WAY, MR. KELLY,
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE IN, UM,
SHOW BUSINESS.
I DO A NIGHTCLUB ACT.
WELL,
I SUPPOSE SOMEONE MUST.
[sniffling]
[Matt sniffling]
MATT, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
N-NOTHING.
DOES SOMETHING HURT YOU?
NO. I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT SOMETHING.
WELL, ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT DWAYNE AND STEVE
AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS
AT THE HOME.
WELL, THERE ARE THERE ARE
LOTS OF CHILDREN
IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
YEAH, BUT, WE ALWAYS USED TO
GO TO SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME.
DWAYNE ON THAT SIDE
AND STEVE ON THAT SIDE.
[sniffles]
YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF
NEW FRIENDS SOON.
I DON'T WANT NEW FRIENDS.
DWAYNE AND STEVE ARE
THE BEST FRIENDS I EVER HAD
IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
WELL, UH,
WE CAN VISIT THEM.
CAN WE REALLY?
THAT'S A PROMISE.
THANKS, MOM. THANKS, DAD.
THAT'S OK, SON.
GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW.
[crickets chirping]
HE FINALLY FELL ASLEEP.
RIGHT.
YEAH, I CAN HARDLY WAI
TO TELL KEN ABOUT IT.
OK, BYE-BYE.
WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?
THAT WAS CAROL BRADY
ON THE PHONE,
AND AND I WAS TELLING HER
ABOUT HOW LONESOME MATT WAS,
AND WE CAME UP WITH
AN ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC IDEA.
YEAH, WHAT IS IT?
IT'S REALLY GREAT.
YEAH, I KNOW IT'S GREAT.
I ALSO KNOW IT'S TERRIFIC.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS IT?
OH, DIDN'T I TELL OH, SORRY.
CAROL SAID THE REASON
THE BRADY KIDS
ARE NEVER LONESOME IS
BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS
ANOTHER KID AROUND.
OH, I THINK I KNOW "WHAT IS IT?".
ADOPT ANOTHER KID?
RIGHT! RIGHT!
IT SHOULD BE MUCH
EASIER THIS TIME.
I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
ALL OF THAT RED TAPE WITH MATT.
WE FILLED OUT ALL OF THOSE
FORMS AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, IT'LL COST MORE TO
RAISE 2 KIDS THAN 1, YOU KNOW?
OF COURSE, WE COULD PU
ANOTHER BED IN MATT'S ROOM.
UH
YEAH, HONEY, WE CAN MANAGE.
OH! FANTASTIC!
FANTASTIC!
BUT I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD DO IT RIGHT AWAY.
WELL, WHEN?
BAH, NOT UNTIL TOMORROW.
MR. AND MRS. KELLY!
HI, MISS PHILLIPS.
HI, MISS PHILLIPS.
HOW'S MATTHEW?
OH, HE'S JUST FINE.
YES, WE LEFT HIM WITH THE
BRADYS, SOME NEIGHBORS OF OURS,
WHILE WE CAME DOWN TO SEE YOU.
UH, SIT DOWN. THANK YOU.
SAY, DID I EVER SHOW YOU
THIS PAPERWEIGH
THAT MATT MADE FOR ME?
[grunts]
I AM READY FOR A HURRICANE.
[laughing]
HE'S QUITE A BOY, MATT.
YEAH, HE SURE IS.
UH, DO YOU HAVE
ANOTHER ONE LIKE HIM?
ANOTHER ONE LIKE
YES, WE THOUGHT I
WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA
IF MATTHEW HAD A BROTHER.
WELL.
UH, HE KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT 2 BOYS
WHO SEEM TO BE
SPECIAL FRIENDS OF HIS.
DWAYNE AND STEVE.
DWAYNE AND STEVE, YES.
THEY'RE BOTH GREAT BOYS.
[children chattering]
DWAYNE AND STEVE!
YOO-HOO!
HEY, THEY'RE CALLING US.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
[children yelling]
DWAYNE AND STEVE,
THIS IS MR. AND MRS. KELLY.
HI. HI.
HELLO, DWAYNE. HELLO, STEVE.
HI.
WELL, UH, YOU'RE BOTH
GOOD FRIENDS
OF MATT'S, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH. MATT'S A REAL NICE GUY.
HE'S OUR BEST FRIEND.
MISS PHILLIPS USED TO CALL US
THE THREE MUSKETEERS.
THAT'S 'CAUSE
WE ALWAYS PLAYED TOGETHER.
I SEE.
[children shouting]
I DIDN'T DO THAT.
GIVE IT TO ME!
UH, EXCUSE ME.
A DEFINITE WAR
IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
RIGHT.
MATT GOT ADOPTED YESTERDAY.
HE WAS REAL LUCKY.
MOST PEOPLE LIKE TO
ADOPT LITTLE BABIES.
IT'S HARDER FOR US BIG GUYS.
YEAH.
WELL, YOU'RE BOTH FINE BOYS.
I'M SURE YOU'D BOTH BE ADOPTED
VERY SOON BY SOME NICE FAMILY.
(Ken) THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, WE DIDN'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT YOUR PAINTING.
WELL, WE'LL
BE RUNNING ALONG NOW.
BYE. BYE.
(Kathy) BYE-BYE.
LET'S GO.
[children shouting]
AND WE CAME RIGHT OVER HERE
TO TALK THIS OVER WITH YOU.
WE THOUGHT THAT YOU'D BE ABLE
TO GIVE US ADVICE
BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE.
(Ken) NOW, THE FAC
THAT DWAYNE IS BLACK.
AND STEVE IS ORIENTAL
SURPRISED US A
LITTLE BIT AT FIRST,
BUT WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES THAT REALLY MAKE?
(Kathy) AFTER ALL, A
BOY IS A BOY IS A BOY,
WHETHER HE'S WHITE OR BLACK
OR YELLOW OR BLUE.
WELL, I
OH, I KNOW IT'LL PRESENT CERTAIN
PROBLEMS, BUT EVERYTHING IN LIFE
PRESENTS CERTAIN
PROBLEMS, RIGHT?
OH, RIGHT. I THINK
THAT'S FOR SURE.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM
IS TRYING TO DECIDE
BETWEEN DWAYNE AND STEVE.
THEY'RE BOTH SUCH FINE BOYS.
(Ken) THAT'S WHEN WE STARTED.
TALKING ABOU
ADOPTING BOTH OF THEM.
INSTEAD OF PUTTING
2 BEDS IN THE ROOM,
WE'D JUST PUT 3 BEDS
IN THE ROOM, THAT'S ALL.
(Kathy) RAISING 3 BOYS CAN'T BE.
MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN
RAISING 2 BOYS.
IF ANYBODY KNOWS THE ANSWER
TO THAT ONE, YOU DO.
WELL, YEAH, I GUESS
I MEAN, IN A WAY,
YOU ADOPTED 3 BOYS,
AND YOU ADOPTED 3 GIRLS.
YES, WE DID.
THAT'S WHY WE KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD DO
IF YOU WERE IN OUR PLACE.
YOU'D ADOPT BOTH
DWAYNE AND STEVE, RIGHT?
RIGHT. SO WE'VE DECIDED
TO FOLLOW YOUR ADVICE.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR TALKING
THIS OVER WITH US.
OH, I'M SO GLAD
WE COULD BE OF HELP.
OH. OH, UH, MAY WE
LEAVE MATT HERE
WHILE WE GO OVER AND MAKE THE
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE 2 BOYS?
OF COURSE. OH, SURE.
THANKS AGAIN.
OH, GOOD LUCK.
THANK YOU. BYE-BYE.
BYE.
IT'S REALLY NOTHING. IT'S
[both chuckling]
YOU SUPPOSE WE WERE LIKE THAT?
I GUESS, PROBABLY.
[Kathy whistling]
[humming]
OOPS, WE HAVE THE FORK
ON THE LEF
AND KNIVES AND SPOONS
ON THE RIGHT.
I FORGOT.
OH, WELL, YOU CAN'T LEARN
EVERYTHING IN A WEEK.
HEY, THERE'S
TOO MANY PLATES, MOM.
HMM, 5.
THERE'S ONLY 3 OF US.
UH, YOUR DAD'S BRINGING HOME
A COUPLE OF OLD FRIENDS TODAY.
OH.
(Ken) HELLO?
OH, HI, HONEY.
WHY DON'T YOU SEE
WHO HE HAS WITH HIM?
(Steve) MATT!
DWAYNE! STEVE!
[all cheering]
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
WE'RE GOING TO LIVE HERE.
MR. KELLY'S ADOPTING US, TOO.
WE'RE GOING TO BE BROTHERS.
BROTHERS?
YEAH!
[kids cheering]
YOU'RE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN,
THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
[cheering]
[chattering]
HEY, MUSKETEERS, ANYBODY HUNGRY?
OH, BOY!
COME ON.
[boys chattering]
[boys laughing]
OH! OH, YEAH!
[chattering]
HEY! HOW COME YOU GET THAT BED?
YOU GUYS TAKE THE BUNKS.
THIS ONE'S MINE.
HOW COME THIS ONE IS YOURS?
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING IN IT ALL WEEK.
WE OUGHT TO TAKE TURNS.
YEAH!
THIS BED IS MINE.
LET'S GET HIM.
YEAH.
HEY!
TAKE ADVANTAGE, YOU KNOW.
[all shouting]
HEY, HEY!
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
COME ON, SOMEBODY'S
GOING TO GET HURT.
ALL RIGHT, SO THAT'S
THE WAY IT IS, HUH?
I HAVEN'T
I HAVEN'T GOT 3 LITTLE BOYS!
I'VE GOT 4 LITTLE BOYS!
[phone ringing]
OH, OH! I'll GET THE PHONE.
PUT THEM TO BED, OK?
OK, OK.
[all protesting]
NO, NO, NO.
NO. I'M SORRY, GUYS.
IT'S TIME FOR BED.
YOU'RE GOING RIGHT TO BED.
(boys) NO!
EVERYTHING'S FINE, CAROL.
MRS. PHILLIPS WAIVED
THE USUAL WAITING PERIOD
AND THE BOYS ARE WITH US NOW.
OH, KATHY, I'M SO GLAD.
YEAH. OH, THEY'VE BEEN
ABSOLUTE ANGELS.
I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR MONDAY
WHEN I TAKE THOSE THREE
TO SCHOOL TO REGISTER THEM.
WHAT AN ASSORTMENT.
[chuckling]
YEAH, THE KELLY RAINBOW.
OK, TROOPS, NOW I'M GOING
TO SHOW YOU ONE MORE TIME
AND THEN WE'LL ALL
DO IT TOGETHER, OK?
OK.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, IT STARTS
WITH A SOFT-SHOE STEP.
[humming]
AND THE PADDLE TURN.
NOW YOU REMEMBER THE
CANE TRICK I SHOWED YOU?
EH, THE SLIDE.
NOW, THE BIG FINISH.
LUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP ♪
[rolls tongue]
AND THE HAT. OK? OK.
WANT TO TRY IT TOGETHER?
YOU READY?
THIS IS EASY. ALL
RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
AND THE SOFT SHOE, AND
[humming]
NOW, PADDLE TURN.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!
NOW THE CANE TRICK.
RIGHT. AND THE SLIDE.
NOW THE BIG FINISH.
OK, PICK IT UP, MATT.
LET'S GO FOR THE BIG FINISH.
WHOMP, BOMP
BOMP, BOMP, BOMP
AND THE HAT! BOOM!
GOOD, GOOD! HEY!
YOU'RE DOING GREAT, DOING GREAT.
LET ME GET BACK HERE,
WHERE I CAN WATCH YOU.
LET'S TRY IT ONE MORE TIME, OK?
(Ken) AND THE SOFT-SHOE. AND
[humming]
AND THEN TO THE RIGHT.
NOW, THE PADDLE TURN
OH. HI.
WE WERE JUST, UH,
GETTING READY FOR
BED, RIGHT, GUYS?
(all) YEAH.
YEAH, DAD. SURE, DAD.
GOOD NIGHT, MOM.
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
UH, BIG FINISH, HUH?
WELL, I
[doorbell rings]
OH, HI.
UH, MR. KELLY, I SEE YOU NOW
HAVE SEVERAL CHILDREN.
3 ALTOGETHER.
OF, UH, VARIOUS COLORS,
ONE MIGHT SAY.
YOU JUST DID.
MIND YOU, I'M NOT A BIGOT.
I BELIEVE THAT BLACKS, YELLOWS,
EVERYBODY HAS A PLACE
IN OUR SOCIETY.
WHY, MR. PAYNE AND I
EVEN MANAGE TO BE CORDIAL
TO THE SHAPIROS
ON THE NEXT BLOCK.
THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.
WELL, WE TRY.
NEVERTHELESS, 3 SMALL BOYS
ARE APT TO BE DESTRUCTIVE,
ESPECIALLY THE MINORITIES.
CONGRATULATIONS, MRS. PAYNE.
YOU HAVE MY VOTE FOR
NEIGHBOR OF THE YEAR.
I CONSIDER
THAT REMARK UNCALLED FOR.
IF NOBODY CALLS FOR I
IN 30 DAYS,
IT'S ALL YOURS, BABY.
[door slamming]
KEN, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT WOMAN IS
ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE.
HONEY, YOU SHOULDN'
HAVE GONE OVER THERE
TO TRY TO REASON WITH HER.
SHE MAKES ARCHIE BUNKER
SOUND LIKE A LIBERAL.
I'M THIRSTY.
I'M GONNA GET SOME MILK.
YOU BETTER NOT.
YOU MIGHT HAVE AN ACCIDEN
DURING THE NIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU CARE
IF I HAVE AN ACCIDENT?
YOU SLEEP RIGHT UP THERE.
COME ON, YOU GET A DRINK, TOO.
OK.
JUST BE HAPPY SHE ISN'T TWINS.
SHE COULD BE LIVING
ON BOTH SIDES OF US.
KEN, I JUST CAN'T FORGE
THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS SHE SAID
ABOUT DWAYNE AND STEVIE.
BELIEVE ME, SHE'S GOING
TO GIVE US NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
BECAUSE OF THOSE 2 LITTLE BOYS.
(Ken) THAT'S FOR SURE.
IF SHE COULD,
SHE'D BUY THIS HOUSE
AND KICK US OUT OF HERE.
SHE ALREADY TOLD ME
THAT SHE WAS GOING TO TRY
AND KEEP ME OUT OF THE P.T.A.
AND I KNOW SHE'S
GOING TO HAVE MR. PAYNE
TRY AND KEEP YOU OU
OF THE OPTIMIST'S CLUB
AND ANY OTHER ORGANIZATION.
(Ken) WELL,
I HATED TO BE RUDE TO A LADY,
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
(both) SHE'S NO LADY. RIGHT.
WELL, I ALREADY TOLD HER
WHAT I THOUGHT OF HER.
NOBODY IS GOING TO INTERFERE
WITH DWAYNE AND STEVE
IF I CAN HELP IT.
ATTAGIRL.
RIGHT.
MRS. PAYNE OR NO MRS. PAYNE,
WE'RE GOING TO MAKE
THOSE BOYS HAPPY.
RIGHT.
DID YOU WRITE HOW MUCH
WE LIKE IT HERE?
I WROTE IT.
DID YOU WRITE HOW MUCH
WE HATE TO CAUSE THEM TROUBLE?
I WROTE IT.
DID YOU WRITE HOW MUCH
I WROTE IT.
I WROTE EVERYTHING.
I'M JUST SIGNING MY NAME NOW.
OK, THEN I'll SIGN MINE.
SHH.
(both) SHH.
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
AWAY.
SHH.
HOW COME?
WE'RE TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
MRS. PAYNE'S GONNA GE
MR. KELLY KICKED OUT OF HERE.
(Steve) AND SHE'S GOING
TO GET MRS. KELLY.
KICKED OUT OF THE P.T.A.
AND MR. PAYNE WON'T LET DAD
BECOME AN OPTOMETRIST.
IF YOU GUYS ARE GOING,
I'M GOING WITH YOU.
YOU'RE NOT CAUSING ANY TROUBLE.
THEY SAID DWAYNE AND STEVE.
WE'RE THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
"ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE."
[crickets chirping]
[sighs]
HEY.
HEY.
WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
I'M MATT.
I'M DWAYNE.
I'M STEVE.
WE'RE BROTHERS.
BROTHERS?
SINCE 5:00.
OH, YOU MUST BE THE KELLY KIDS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE'RE RUNNING AWAY.
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO.
I WAS HERE BEFORE.
YOU'VE GOT SO MANY KIDS,
I FIGURED MAYBE
NOBODY'D NOTICE US.
WELL, DON'T YOU LIKE
MR. AND MRS. KELLY?
WE LIKE 'EM A LOT.
WE LOVE 'EM.
THAT'S WHY DWAYNE AND ME
ARE RUNNING AWAY.
AND I'M HELPIN' 'EM.
HEY, IT'S GETTING KIND OF LATE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN THE HOUSE WITH ME?
MORE HOT CHOCOLATE?
YEAH, I'D LIKE SOME MORE.
BOY, HE DRINKS ALL THE TIME.
SO WHAT? YOU'VE GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT NOW.
YOU GUYS DON'T, BY ANY CHANCE,
SLEEP IN BUNK BEDS, DO YOU?
YEAH.
[chuckling]
WHERE YOU GUYS HEADING?
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
MAYBE OUT WEST.
WE ARE OUT WEST.
MAYBE OUT EAST.
WHEREVER YOU GO,
YOU BETTER SEND AN ADDRESS.
I THINK MR. AND MRS. KELLY
WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IN TOUCH.
I KNOW THEY'RE QUITE INTERESTED
IN KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE.
[sighs]
THANK YOU.
DO YOU KNOW
HOW WORRIED WE WERE
ABOUT YOU GUYS?
DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
(boys) NO.
WELL, PLENTY, THAT'S HOW
MUCH. WE HAD NO IDEA
HOW'D DO YOU FIND US?
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS
FOR US TO STICK TOGETHER.
BUT MRS. PAYNE SAID
WE DON'T CARE
WHAT MRS. PAYNE SAID.
WE CARE ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE OUR FAMILY.
WE WANT YOU BOYS
TO GROW UP WITH PARENTS.
AND WE WANT TO
GROW UP WITH CHILDREN.
WE'D LOVE THAT,
BUT WE DIDN'T WANT TO
CAUSE ANY MORE TROUBLE.
THAT'S WHY DWAYNE AND ME LEFT.
AND I WENT WITH THEM 'CAUSE
WE'RE THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT.
YOU'RE NOT THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
HUH?
WE'RE NOT?
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WE ARE THE 5 MUSKETEERS.
RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH.
EXCUSE ME, FOLKS,
I THOUGHT I HEARD
[Alice stuttering]
NOW, YOU TWO MAY BE
MR. AND MRS. BRADY,
BUT YOU THREE ARE DEFINITELY
NOT GREG, PETER AND BOBBY.
[chuckling] HI, ALICE.
[chuckles]
MATTHEW, DWAYNE AND STEVIE.
HI, ALICE.
HI. HI.
HI, KIDS.
WE'RE SORRY WE WOKE YOU.
YEAH, WE WERE JUS
PASSING THROUGH.
PASSING THROUGH?
RIGHT, ON OUR WAY HOME.
YEAH. COME ON, BOYS.
BYE, ALICE. BYE, ALICE.
WE'RE GOING HOME.
GET SOME SLEEP.
[children chattering]
THE BOYS GET SUCH A BIG KICK
OUT OF VISITING HERE.
WELL, THAT'S WHA
NEIGHBORS ARE FOR.
OH, BY THE WAY,
WE WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR SENDING THE KIDS THIS BOOK.
I GUESS YOU KNEW
THE THREE MUSKETEERS.
WOULD MAKE A VERY BIG HIT.
WELL, IT WASN'T HARD
TO FIGURE OUT.
HOW COME YOU BROUGHT IT BACK?
OH, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU
WHAT THEY'VE DONE WITH IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
UH, THEY SAID THEY HAD TO FIX IT.
[all laugh]
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
HERE'S THE STORY
OF A LOVELY LADY
WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪
ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪
LIKE THEIR MOTHER
THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS
IT'S THE STORY
OF A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪
WHO WAS BUSY
WITH THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪
THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪
YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE
TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪
AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪
THAT THIS GROUP
MUST SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪
THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
THE BRADY BUNCH
THE BRADY BUNCH
THAT'S THE WAY
WE BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
GET IT, GET IT!
GET THAT OUT OF HERE.
(Greg) COME ON, PETER.
[all shouting]
(Greg) COME ON, PETER. GO!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOUR KIDS WERE OUR INSPIRATION.
YOUR INSPIRATION?
MMM-HMM.
AFTER THOSE TALKS
WITH YOU AND MIKE
WELL,
LOOK.
OH, MIKE, LOOK. ISN'T HE CUTE?
(Mike) YEAH.
(Kathy) THAT'S MATT.
MATT?
HE'S 8 YEARS OLD AND ALL OURS.
AFTER TOMORROW, HE'S OUR SON.
YOUR SON? YEAH.
OH, CONGRATULATIONS.
OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU.
HEY, THAT'S WHY YOU GO
THE BIGGER HOUSE.
YEAH. WE DIDN'
WANT TO SAY ANYTHING
UNTIL AFTER ALL THE
ADOPTION PAPERS WERE FINAL.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
BEING PARENTS.
IT IS SO MUCH FUN
WATCHING THEM GROW,
SEEING THEM LEARN,
SHARING THEIR LOVE.
[children shouting]
HEY! HEY, WHERE'S THE
BOBBY!
BASKET!
BASKET, ON THE TABLE!
[children shrieking]
LIKE I SAID,
THEY'VE GIVEN US
NOTHING BUT DELIGHT.
[shrieking continues]
AND A LITTLE BIT OF
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.
NO FAIR.
KIDS! HEY!
HEY! WHAT?
HOLD IT DOWN
TO A SMALL ROAR, HUH?
OH.
(Carol) OH, HE IS SUCH
A CUTE LITTLE BOY.
OH, HE'S SWEET, HE'S BRIGHT,
HE'S OPEN.
HE'S ADORABLE.
AND HE'S HOUSEBROKEN.
WHICH IS MORE THAN YOU
CAN SAY FOR YOUR KIDS
WHEN YOU GOT 'EM.
WOW!
[birds chirping]
[inaudible]
WOW!
WOW!
THIS IS THE BEST ROOM
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
WOW!
NOT JUST TOYS,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT MORE
THAN THAT, SON.
YEAH.
RACING CARS. REAL RACING CARS.
A-AND A REAL FATHER
AND A REAL MOTHER.
THERE ARE LOTS OF
CRAYONS IN THE DESK?
I LOVE TO DRAW.
I'M GONNA BE AN ARTIST,
AND A BASEBALL PLAYER,
AND A FIREMAN,
AND A COWBOY, AND AN ASTRONAUT.
HOW ABOUT A NUCLEAR SCIENTIST?
OK.
OH, OK.
[chuckles]
OH, HO.
[chuckles]
YOU BEAT ME AGAIN?
YOU MUST BE
A TERRIFIC CHECKER PLAYER.
THE OTHER KIDS
BEAT ME ALL THE TIME.
YOU MUST BE ROTTEN.
HERE'S WHERE WE KEEP
THE TOOTHPASTE.
AND HERE'S A BRAND NEW
TOOTHBRUSH FOR YOU.
THANKS.
MMM-HMM.
HERE YOU GO.
MOM. HMM?
I CAN BRUSH MY OWN TEETH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
[sighs]
I GO TO BATHROOM BY MYSELF, TOO.
OOH. OH, RIGHT, OF COURSE.
OH, IT'S BEEN A LONG, HARD DAY.
FOR HIM OR FOR US?
FOR ALL OF US, I THINK.
HE SHOULD BE ASLEEP
IN NO TIME AT ALL.
DO I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP?
YOU GUESSED IT.
OK, OFF TO BED NOW. COME ON.
GOD BLESS MR. AND MRS. KELLY.
I MEAN, MOM AND DAD.
MISS PHILLIPS.
THAT'S THE LADY AT THE HOME.
DWAYNE AND STEVE,
THEY'RE MY 2 BEST PALS,
AND JOE, AND JULIE, AND HOPE,
AND WENDY, AND PAUL,
AND MARGARET,
AND RANDY, AND BARBARA,
AND JEANNIE,
AND TOMMY.
IS THAT ALL THE CHILDREN?
NO. I LEFT OUT KAREN MARTIN.
SHE BIT ME ONCE.
OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THAT.
INTO BED.
YEAH. COME ON.
IN YOU GO.
[doorbell rings]
WELL, GOOD EVENING, MR. KELLY.
OH, MRS. PAYNE.
UH, MR. KELLY,
I'll COME RIGHT TO THE POINT.
WHEN YOU MOVED IN NEXT DOOR,
MR. PAYNE AND I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT YOU HAD CHILDREN.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE DIDN'T.
MATT JUST JOINED
OUR FAMILY TODAY.
OH.
AN ADOPTED CHILD.
YES, AN ADOPTED CHILD.
OH. WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY,
UH, MR. PAYNE AND I
DON'T HAVE CHILDREN
AND WE LIKE
TO KEEP OUR HOME NEAT.
BOYS TRAMPLE FLOWERS,
BREAK WINDOWS,
AND WRITE ON WALLS,
SOMETIMES DREADFUL THINGS.
I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT, MRS. PAYNE.
WELL, I HOPE NOT.
OUR HOUSES ARE
RATHER CLOSE TOGETHER.
OH, BY THE WAY, MR. KELLY,
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE IN, UM,
SHOW BUSINESS.
I DO A NIGHTCLUB ACT.
WELL,
I SUPPOSE SOMEONE MUST.
[sniffling]
[Matt sniffling]
MATT, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
N-NOTHING.
DOES SOMETHING HURT YOU?
NO. I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT SOMETHING.
WELL, ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT DWAYNE AND STEVE
AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS
AT THE HOME.
WELL, THERE ARE THERE ARE
LOTS OF CHILDREN
IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
YEAH, BUT, WE ALWAYS USED TO
GO TO SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME.
DWAYNE ON THAT SIDE
AND STEVE ON THAT SIDE.
[sniffles]
YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF
NEW FRIENDS SOON.
I DON'T WANT NEW FRIENDS.
DWAYNE AND STEVE ARE
THE BEST FRIENDS I EVER HAD
IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
WELL, UH,
WE CAN VISIT THEM.
CAN WE REALLY?
THAT'S A PROMISE.
THANKS, MOM. THANKS, DAD.
THAT'S OK, SON.
GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW.
[crickets chirping]
HE FINALLY FELL ASLEEP.
RIGHT.
YEAH, I CAN HARDLY WAI
TO TELL KEN ABOUT IT.
OK, BYE-BYE.
WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?
THAT WAS CAROL BRADY
ON THE PHONE,
AND AND I WAS TELLING HER
ABOUT HOW LONESOME MATT WAS,
AND WE CAME UP WITH
AN ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC IDEA.
YEAH, WHAT IS IT?
IT'S REALLY GREAT.
YEAH, I KNOW IT'S GREAT.
I ALSO KNOW IT'S TERRIFIC.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS IT?
OH, DIDN'T I TELL OH, SORRY.
CAROL SAID THE REASON
THE BRADY KIDS
ARE NEVER LONESOME IS
BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS
ANOTHER KID AROUND.
OH, I THINK I KNOW "WHAT IS IT?".
ADOPT ANOTHER KID?
RIGHT! RIGHT!
IT SHOULD BE MUCH
EASIER THIS TIME.
I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
ALL OF THAT RED TAPE WITH MATT.
WE FILLED OUT ALL OF THOSE
FORMS AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, IT'LL COST MORE TO
RAISE 2 KIDS THAN 1, YOU KNOW?
OF COURSE, WE COULD PU
ANOTHER BED IN MATT'S ROOM.
UH
YEAH, HONEY, WE CAN MANAGE.
OH! FANTASTIC!
FANTASTIC!
BUT I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD DO IT RIGHT AWAY.
WELL, WHEN?
BAH, NOT UNTIL TOMORROW.
MR. AND MRS. KELLY!
HI, MISS PHILLIPS.
HI, MISS PHILLIPS.
HOW'S MATTHEW?
OH, HE'S JUST FINE.
YES, WE LEFT HIM WITH THE
BRADYS, SOME NEIGHBORS OF OURS,
WHILE WE CAME DOWN TO SEE YOU.
UH, SIT DOWN. THANK YOU.
SAY, DID I EVER SHOW YOU
THIS PAPERWEIGH
THAT MATT MADE FOR ME?
[grunts]
I AM READY FOR A HURRICANE.
[laughing]
HE'S QUITE A BOY, MATT.
YEAH, HE SURE IS.
UH, DO YOU HAVE
ANOTHER ONE LIKE HIM?
ANOTHER ONE LIKE
YES, WE THOUGHT I
WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA
IF MATTHEW HAD A BROTHER.
WELL.
UH, HE KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT 2 BOYS
WHO SEEM TO BE
SPECIAL FRIENDS OF HIS.
DWAYNE AND STEVE.
DWAYNE AND STEVE, YES.
THEY'RE BOTH GREAT BOYS.
[children chattering]
DWAYNE AND STEVE!
YOO-HOO!
HEY, THEY'RE CALLING US.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
[children yelling]
DWAYNE AND STEVE,
THIS IS MR. AND MRS. KELLY.
HI. HI.
HELLO, DWAYNE. HELLO, STEVE.
HI.
WELL, UH, YOU'RE BOTH
GOOD FRIENDS
OF MATT'S, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH. MATT'S A REAL NICE GUY.
HE'S OUR BEST FRIEND.
MISS PHILLIPS USED TO CALL US
THE THREE MUSKETEERS.
THAT'S 'CAUSE
WE ALWAYS PLAYED TOGETHER.
I SEE.
[children shouting]
I DIDN'T DO THAT.
GIVE IT TO ME!
UH, EXCUSE ME.
A DEFINITE WAR
IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
RIGHT.
MATT GOT ADOPTED YESTERDAY.
HE WAS REAL LUCKY.
MOST PEOPLE LIKE TO
ADOPT LITTLE BABIES.
IT'S HARDER FOR US BIG GUYS.
YEAH.
WELL, YOU'RE BOTH FINE BOYS.
I'M SURE YOU'D BOTH BE ADOPTED
VERY SOON BY SOME NICE FAMILY.
(Ken) THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, WE DIDN'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT YOUR PAINTING.
WELL, WE'LL
BE RUNNING ALONG NOW.
BYE. BYE.
(Kathy) BYE-BYE.
LET'S GO.
[children shouting]
AND WE CAME RIGHT OVER HERE
TO TALK THIS OVER WITH YOU.
WE THOUGHT THAT YOU'D BE ABLE
TO GIVE US ADVICE
BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE.
(Ken) NOW, THE FAC
THAT DWAYNE IS BLACK.
AND STEVE IS ORIENTAL
SURPRISED US A
LITTLE BIT AT FIRST,
BUT WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES THAT REALLY MAKE?
(Kathy) AFTER ALL, A
BOY IS A BOY IS A BOY,
WHETHER HE'S WHITE OR BLACK
OR YELLOW OR BLUE.
WELL, I
OH, I KNOW IT'LL PRESENT CERTAIN
PROBLEMS, BUT EVERYTHING IN LIFE
PRESENTS CERTAIN
PROBLEMS, RIGHT?
OH, RIGHT. I THINK
THAT'S FOR SURE.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM
IS TRYING TO DECIDE
BETWEEN DWAYNE AND STEVE.
THEY'RE BOTH SUCH FINE BOYS.
(Ken) THAT'S WHEN WE STARTED.
TALKING ABOU
ADOPTING BOTH OF THEM.
INSTEAD OF PUTTING
2 BEDS IN THE ROOM,
WE'D JUST PUT 3 BEDS
IN THE ROOM, THAT'S ALL.
(Kathy) RAISING 3 BOYS CAN'T BE.
MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN
RAISING 2 BOYS.
IF ANYBODY KNOWS THE ANSWER
TO THAT ONE, YOU DO.
WELL, YEAH, I GUESS
I MEAN, IN A WAY,
YOU ADOPTED 3 BOYS,
AND YOU ADOPTED 3 GIRLS.
YES, WE DID.
THAT'S WHY WE KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD DO
IF YOU WERE IN OUR PLACE.
YOU'D ADOPT BOTH
DWAYNE AND STEVE, RIGHT?
RIGHT. SO WE'VE DECIDED
TO FOLLOW YOUR ADVICE.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR TALKING
THIS OVER WITH US.
OH, I'M SO GLAD
WE COULD BE OF HELP.
OH. OH, UH, MAY WE
LEAVE MATT HERE
WHILE WE GO OVER AND MAKE THE
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE 2 BOYS?
OF COURSE. OH, SURE.
THANKS AGAIN.
OH, GOOD LUCK.
THANK YOU. BYE-BYE.
BYE.
IT'S REALLY NOTHING. IT'S
[both chuckling]
YOU SUPPOSE WE WERE LIKE THAT?
I GUESS, PROBABLY.
[Kathy whistling]
[humming]
OOPS, WE HAVE THE FORK
ON THE LEF
AND KNIVES AND SPOONS
ON THE RIGHT.
I FORGOT.
OH, WELL, YOU CAN'T LEARN
EVERYTHING IN A WEEK.
HEY, THERE'S
TOO MANY PLATES, MOM.
HMM, 5.
THERE'S ONLY 3 OF US.
UH, YOUR DAD'S BRINGING HOME
A COUPLE OF OLD FRIENDS TODAY.
OH.
(Ken) HELLO?
OH, HI, HONEY.
WHY DON'T YOU SEE
WHO HE HAS WITH HIM?
(Steve) MATT!
DWAYNE! STEVE!
[all cheering]
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
WE'RE GOING TO LIVE HERE.
MR. KELLY'S ADOPTING US, TOO.
WE'RE GOING TO BE BROTHERS.
BROTHERS?
YEAH!
[kids cheering]
YOU'RE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN,
THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
[cheering]
[chattering]
HEY, MUSKETEERS, ANYBODY HUNGRY?
OH, BOY!
COME ON.
[boys chattering]
[boys laughing]
OH! OH, YEAH!
[chattering]
HEY! HOW COME YOU GET THAT BED?
YOU GUYS TAKE THE BUNKS.
THIS ONE'S MINE.
HOW COME THIS ONE IS YOURS?
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING IN IT ALL WEEK.
WE OUGHT TO TAKE TURNS.
YEAH!
THIS BED IS MINE.
LET'S GET HIM.
YEAH.
HEY!
TAKE ADVANTAGE, YOU KNOW.
[all shouting]
HEY, HEY!
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
COME ON, SOMEBODY'S
GOING TO GET HURT.
ALL RIGHT, SO THAT'S
THE WAY IT IS, HUH?
I HAVEN'T
I HAVEN'T GOT 3 LITTLE BOYS!
I'VE GOT 4 LITTLE BOYS!
[phone ringing]
OH, OH! I'll GET THE PHONE.
PUT THEM TO BED, OK?
OK, OK.
[all protesting]
NO, NO, NO.
NO. I'M SORRY, GUYS.
IT'S TIME FOR BED.
YOU'RE GOING RIGHT TO BED.
(boys) NO!
EVERYTHING'S FINE, CAROL.
MRS. PHILLIPS WAIVED
THE USUAL WAITING PERIOD
AND THE BOYS ARE WITH US NOW.
OH, KATHY, I'M SO GLAD.
YEAH. OH, THEY'VE BEEN
ABSOLUTE ANGELS.
I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR MONDAY
WHEN I TAKE THOSE THREE
TO SCHOOL TO REGISTER THEM.
WHAT AN ASSORTMENT.
[chuckling]
YEAH, THE KELLY RAINBOW.
OK, TROOPS, NOW I'M GOING
TO SHOW YOU ONE MORE TIME
AND THEN WE'LL ALL
DO IT TOGETHER, OK?
OK.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, IT STARTS
WITH A SOFT-SHOE STEP.
[humming]
AND THE PADDLE TURN.
NOW YOU REMEMBER THE
CANE TRICK I SHOWED YOU?
EH, THE SLIDE.
NOW, THE BIG FINISH.
LUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP ♪
[rolls tongue]
AND THE HAT. OK? OK.
WANT TO TRY IT TOGETHER?
YOU READY?
THIS IS EASY. ALL
RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
AND THE SOFT SHOE, AND
[humming]
NOW, PADDLE TURN.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!
NOW THE CANE TRICK.
RIGHT. AND THE SLIDE.
NOW THE BIG FINISH.
OK, PICK IT UP, MATT.
LET'S GO FOR THE BIG FINISH.
WHOMP, BOMP
BOMP, BOMP, BOMP
AND THE HAT! BOOM!
GOOD, GOOD! HEY!
YOU'RE DOING GREAT, DOING GREAT.
LET ME GET BACK HERE,
WHERE I CAN WATCH YOU.
LET'S TRY IT ONE MORE TIME, OK?
(Ken) AND THE SOFT-SHOE. AND
[humming]
AND THEN TO THE RIGHT.
NOW, THE PADDLE TURN
OH. HI.
WE WERE JUST, UH,
GETTING READY FOR
BED, RIGHT, GUYS?
(all) YEAH.
YEAH, DAD. SURE, DAD.
GOOD NIGHT, MOM.
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
UH, BIG FINISH, HUH?
WELL, I
[doorbell rings]
OH, HI.
UH, MR. KELLY, I SEE YOU NOW
HAVE SEVERAL CHILDREN.
3 ALTOGETHER.
OF, UH, VARIOUS COLORS,
ONE MIGHT SAY.
YOU JUST DID.
MIND YOU, I'M NOT A BIGOT.
I BELIEVE THAT BLACKS, YELLOWS,
EVERYBODY HAS A PLACE
IN OUR SOCIETY.
WHY, MR. PAYNE AND I
EVEN MANAGE TO BE CORDIAL
TO THE SHAPIROS
ON THE NEXT BLOCK.
THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.
WELL, WE TRY.
NEVERTHELESS, 3 SMALL BOYS
ARE APT TO BE DESTRUCTIVE,
ESPECIALLY THE MINORITIES.
CONGRATULATIONS, MRS. PAYNE.
YOU HAVE MY VOTE FOR
NEIGHBOR OF THE YEAR.
I CONSIDER
THAT REMARK UNCALLED FOR.
IF NOBODY CALLS FOR I
IN 30 DAYS,
IT'S ALL YOURS, BABY.
[door slamming]
KEN, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT WOMAN IS
ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE.
HONEY, YOU SHOULDN'
HAVE GONE OVER THERE
TO TRY TO REASON WITH HER.
SHE MAKES ARCHIE BUNKER
SOUND LIKE A LIBERAL.
I'M THIRSTY.
I'M GONNA GET SOME MILK.
YOU BETTER NOT.
YOU MIGHT HAVE AN ACCIDEN
DURING THE NIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU CARE
IF I HAVE AN ACCIDENT?
YOU SLEEP RIGHT UP THERE.
COME ON, YOU GET A DRINK, TOO.
OK.
JUST BE HAPPY SHE ISN'T TWINS.
SHE COULD BE LIVING
ON BOTH SIDES OF US.
KEN, I JUST CAN'T FORGE
THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS SHE SAID
ABOUT DWAYNE AND STEVIE.
BELIEVE ME, SHE'S GOING
TO GIVE US NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
BECAUSE OF THOSE 2 LITTLE BOYS.
(Ken) THAT'S FOR SURE.
IF SHE COULD,
SHE'D BUY THIS HOUSE
AND KICK US OUT OF HERE.
SHE ALREADY TOLD ME
THAT SHE WAS GOING TO TRY
AND KEEP ME OUT OF THE P.T.A.
AND I KNOW SHE'S
GOING TO HAVE MR. PAYNE
TRY AND KEEP YOU OU
OF THE OPTIMIST'S CLUB
AND ANY OTHER ORGANIZATION.
(Ken) WELL,
I HATED TO BE RUDE TO A LADY,
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
(both) SHE'S NO LADY. RIGHT.
WELL, I ALREADY TOLD HER
WHAT I THOUGHT OF HER.
NOBODY IS GOING TO INTERFERE
WITH DWAYNE AND STEVE
IF I CAN HELP IT.
ATTAGIRL.
RIGHT.
MRS. PAYNE OR NO MRS. PAYNE,
WE'RE GOING TO MAKE
THOSE BOYS HAPPY.
RIGHT.
DID YOU WRITE HOW MUCH
WE LIKE IT HERE?
I WROTE IT.
DID YOU WRITE HOW MUCH
WE HATE TO CAUSE THEM TROUBLE?
I WROTE IT.
DID YOU WRITE HOW MUCH
I WROTE IT.
I WROTE EVERYTHING.
I'M JUST SIGNING MY NAME NOW.
OK, THEN I'll SIGN MINE.
SHH.
(both) SHH.
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
AWAY.
SHH.
HOW COME?
WE'RE TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
MRS. PAYNE'S GONNA GE
MR. KELLY KICKED OUT OF HERE.
(Steve) AND SHE'S GOING
TO GET MRS. KELLY.
KICKED OUT OF THE P.T.A.
AND MR. PAYNE WON'T LET DAD
BECOME AN OPTOMETRIST.
IF YOU GUYS ARE GOING,
I'M GOING WITH YOU.
YOU'RE NOT CAUSING ANY TROUBLE.
THEY SAID DWAYNE AND STEVE.
WE'RE THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
"ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE."
[crickets chirping]
[sighs]
HEY.
HEY.
WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
I'M MATT.
I'M DWAYNE.
I'M STEVE.
WE'RE BROTHERS.
BROTHERS?
SINCE 5:00.
OH, YOU MUST BE THE KELLY KIDS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE'RE RUNNING AWAY.
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO.
I WAS HERE BEFORE.
YOU'VE GOT SO MANY KIDS,
I FIGURED MAYBE
NOBODY'D NOTICE US.
WELL, DON'T YOU LIKE
MR. AND MRS. KELLY?
WE LIKE 'EM A LOT.
WE LOVE 'EM.
THAT'S WHY DWAYNE AND ME
ARE RUNNING AWAY.
AND I'M HELPIN' 'EM.
HEY, IT'S GETTING KIND OF LATE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN THE HOUSE WITH ME?
MORE HOT CHOCOLATE?
YEAH, I'D LIKE SOME MORE.
BOY, HE DRINKS ALL THE TIME.
SO WHAT? YOU'VE GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT NOW.
YOU GUYS DON'T, BY ANY CHANCE,
SLEEP IN BUNK BEDS, DO YOU?
YEAH.
[chuckling]
WHERE YOU GUYS HEADING?
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
MAYBE OUT WEST.
WE ARE OUT WEST.
MAYBE OUT EAST.
WHEREVER YOU GO,
YOU BETTER SEND AN ADDRESS.
I THINK MR. AND MRS. KELLY
WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IN TOUCH.
I KNOW THEY'RE QUITE INTERESTED
IN KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE.
[sighs]
THANK YOU.
DO YOU KNOW
HOW WORRIED WE WERE
ABOUT YOU GUYS?
DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
(boys) NO.
WELL, PLENTY, THAT'S HOW
MUCH. WE HAD NO IDEA
HOW'D DO YOU FIND US?
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS
FOR US TO STICK TOGETHER.
BUT MRS. PAYNE SAID
WE DON'T CARE
WHAT MRS. PAYNE SAID.
WE CARE ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE OUR FAMILY.
WE WANT YOU BOYS
TO GROW UP WITH PARENTS.
AND WE WANT TO
GROW UP WITH CHILDREN.
WE'D LOVE THAT,
BUT WE DIDN'T WANT TO
CAUSE ANY MORE TROUBLE.
THAT'S WHY DWAYNE AND ME LEFT.
AND I WENT WITH THEM 'CAUSE
WE'RE THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT.
YOU'RE NOT THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
HUH?
WE'RE NOT?
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WE ARE THE 5 MUSKETEERS.
RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH.
EXCUSE ME, FOLKS,
I THOUGHT I HEARD
[Alice stuttering]
NOW, YOU TWO MAY BE
MR. AND MRS. BRADY,
BUT YOU THREE ARE DEFINITELY
NOT GREG, PETER AND BOBBY.
[chuckling] HI, ALICE.
[chuckles]
MATTHEW, DWAYNE AND STEVIE.
HI, ALICE.
HI. HI.
HI, KIDS.
WE'RE SORRY WE WOKE YOU.
YEAH, WE WERE JUS
PASSING THROUGH.
PASSING THROUGH?
RIGHT, ON OUR WAY HOME.
YEAH. COME ON, BOYS.
BYE, ALICE. BYE, ALICE.
WE'RE GOING HOME.
GET SOME SLEEP.
[children chattering]
THE BOYS GET SUCH A BIG KICK
OUT OF VISITING HERE.
WELL, THAT'S WHA
NEIGHBORS ARE FOR.
OH, BY THE WAY,
WE WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR SENDING THE KIDS THIS BOOK.
I GUESS YOU KNEW
THE THREE MUSKETEERS.
WOULD MAKE A VERY BIG HIT.
WELL, IT WASN'T HARD
TO FIGURE OUT.
HOW COME YOU BROUGHT IT BACK?
OH, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU
WHAT THEY'VE DONE WITH IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
UH, THEY SAID THEY HAD TO FIX IT.
[all laugh]
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.