This is Us (2016) s05e15 Episode Script
Jerry 2.0
1
Previously on This Is Us
MADISON: Hey, Kate, it's
Madison. I slept with Kevin.
Explain why you, famous person,
decides to sleep
with my closest friend.
- I'm pregnant, Kevin.
- KEVIN: To hell with it.
KEVIN: I say we just get married.
Let's shock the world and get married.
I got a call from a talent manager.
And she wants me to go to L.A.
for a few months
so she can send me on auditions.
And what about you?
Will you be going with him?
Oh, I can't. I have school.
Yeah, and I'll be back
before Sophie can even miss me.
- JACK: What about right here?
- KEVIN: Yeah.
JACK: Right here, right here.
They're your mom's favorites.
Best movie ever.
Best movie ever.
RANDALL: Hey, sorry pilot
season didn't work out, Kev.
But, you know, it's really good
to have you back east.
- KEVIN: Thanks, man.
- SOPHIE: And look on the bright side.
You got home just in time
for your wife's summer break.
RANDALL:
I have no idea how you guys did
cross-country for four whole months.
Beth got this internship
in Boston this summer,
and, you know, just the thought
of us being apart is killing us.
Yeah, well, I haven't even
decided if I'm gonna take it.
You guys are being dramatic.
Boston isn't even that far away.
I mean, Sophie and I were
on different coasts for months.
It was, like, super easy.
(SCOFFS) I mean, I don't know
if it was that easy.
At least, not for me.
I'm just glad
that you're home for good.
Okay, everyone, we're leaving
for the cabin in 20 minutes.
I want to get up there before dark.
I can't believe I'm going to the cabin
with a bunch of couples.
You're not going with
just couples. You'll have me.
Oh, "Her mother said,
before Kate smothered herself
to death with a throw pillow."
Stop. You'll have me, too.
- (SOFT LAUGHTER)
- You're going to love the cabin.
- It's mad romantic.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm sure.
You know I dig it when
you wear your L.L.Bean.
(LAUGHS)
BETH: I got to admit,
I am very into lumberjack Randall.
It's fisherman Randall.
Kevin got everybody fly-fishing
gear for the bachelor party.
What else you guys have
on the agenda this weekend, hmm?
Gonna order up some strippers
to the cabin?
(STIFLED LAUGH)
Put the "Oh" back in Poconos?
(LAUGHS)
Nicky and Kevin are sober.
Toby isn't exactly rowdy.
And Miguel's idea of fun is a crossword
and a strong herbal tea.
So we'll probably be putting the "ay"
- in Earl Grey.
- Ugh.
Are you sure you want
to go out there early
for Madison's bachelorette?
With everything you've been
going through with the studio?
I'm actually looking forward to it.
You know? Spend a couple days
in the sun with our girls.
And then your date
will meet you for the wedding.
Oh, well, tell my date that I have
this newly-discovered thing
for fishermen.
- Mm-hmm.
- He should dress accordingly.
Will do.
Mm-mm.
Leave the boots on.
(WHISPERS): Okay.
Babe, I don't know.
Is this, is this cool or lame?
I just want everything to be
perfect for Madison tomorrow.
TOBY: Yeah, no, it all looks great.
Madison's lucky to have you.
Aw. Well, thank you.
The kids and I are lucky to have you.
Babe, listen, why don't you take
this weekend to recharge?
Hang out with the guys
and get far, far away
from the Moana soundtrack.
- Oh, God.
- You deserve it.
- Mm. Thanks.
- Mwah.
Yeah.
I will. (SIGHS)
Don't forget your slippers.
You know your toes
get like ten little icicles.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
Honey, we've been over
this a thousand times.
I'll be fine.
We've barely been out of
each other's sight for a year.
Yeah, and it will be refreshing
to not have you watching over me
like a hawk for a few days.
Sorry. No, I-I didn't mean that.
Come here.
I'm fine. My meds are working.
My PET scans show
no further deterioration.
- I know, and it's amazing.
- It is. Yeah.
I will be fine.
Okay. You're right.
- Mm-hmm.
- (CHUCKLES)
- But let me ask you something.
- Hmm.
- (LAUGHS)
- Is it cool?
- It's cool.
- For the bachelor party?
- It's very cool.
- Oh, yeah?
- You look like Ponch.
- Really?
Officer Francis Poncherello,
Erik Estrada's character from CHiPS.
(TONGUE CLICKS) Still got it.
(WHISPERS): Wow.
- Hey, hey, kid, uh, you got room
- Yeah?
in your bag
for my new jigsaw puzzle?
No. No, I don't.
Uh, you're not gonna want to bring
a-a jigsaw puzzle to my bachelor party.
All right.
- (LAUGHS)
- KEVIN: Am I having
the lamest bachelor party ever?
Uh, let's just say I'm not
worried about the cops coming.
Right. What about you?
You excited for your shindig?
You mean our babies spending
the day with the nanny
while your family comes to hang out?
- Yeah.
- It's so embarrassing
none of my friends could fly out early.
Well, no, look, I mean,
they're all babied up, right?
They're all on the East Coast.
Besides, the Pearsons believe in
quality over quantity.
- (FRANNY CRYING OVER MONITOR)
- Oh, God.
Uh, Franny's up.
I have about two minutes
to rock her back to sleep
before she wakes up Nick.
(PHONE BUZZING)
Hello?
Kevin. Hi.
Sophie, hey.
I'm sorry I didn't I didn't
think you were gonna pick up,
'cause I changed my number
and I figured you wouldn't take
- an unknown call.
- Well, what can I say,
- I'm a naturally curious person.
- (CHUCKLES)
Right, um, anyway,
what I was going to say
in my voice mail is that I,
I saw your magazine cover,
about your engagement
and your twins, and, um
I don't know, it just felt weird
not to call and say congratulations.
Well, thank you. Thank you very much.
Yeah, so congratulations.
- (LAUGHS)
- I I mean, your
your fiancée is beautiful, and, um,
you have not one but two babies.
(CHUCKLES): It's it's all
just really amazing, Kevin.
I'm-I'm really happy for you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Uh, so why'd you change your number?
Oh, that's a long story.
They both took explosive poops.
It's an all-hands-on-deck situation.
- Okay, I'm coming.
- (CHUCKLES)
It's fine, it's fine.
You can just call me back.
Or you don't Don't call me back.
You don't-don't That's weird,
you don't have to do that and
No, no, of course, yeah.
No, I'll call you back, um
You know, and we'll-we'll
finish catching up.
Yeah, okay. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Kev, don't fill up on those.
I'm making mushroom risotto for dinner.
Mushroom what?
I saw it on The Today Show.
Al Roker went crazy for the stuff.
RANDALL: So I was thinking, uh,
if we meet up every weekend,
like, halfway,
like, maybe in Connecticut,
it'll only a four-hour drive
- for each of us, so
- Randall, are you still talking about that?
Long distance is no big deal.
You guys are gonna be fine.
Really.
Will you stop saying that?
Saying what?
- That it's no big deal.
- (CHUCKLES)
Being away from you
was really hard for me.
I missed you. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I missed you, too.
I'm just trying to be positive.
Be positive about what? We're done
with the whole long-distance thing.
Yeah, for now.
My manager said if I'm gonna
take acting serious,
I got to be in L.A. pretty regularly.
So, what, you're just gonna
like, constantly be in L.A.
while I'm in New York?
How is this marriage gonna work?
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I don't know, Soph. It just will.
Okay?
Great answer. So glad
that you thought that through.
You are such a jackass.
(DOOR CLOSES)
There they are!
The bachelor party crew.
- What's up?
- How was the private jet?
Uh, well, Toby passed out,
so, Miguel, of course,
spent the whole time
searching for Wi-Fi
so he could get ahold of Mom
and Uncle Nicky took down
an impressive amount of melon balls.
- (LAUGHS)
- Sounds about right.
- You ready to get your fish on?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Forecast says rain,
but I don't think the big man upstairs
is gonna let that happen
to my bro on his big weekend.
Ah. Hope not.
- Hey, Kev.
- Yo.
You did it, man.
Did what?
You remember last Thanksgiving?
You said you wanted
to be married with kids
by the time you were 40.
Well, you're doing it.
It's out of order,
but, you know, still.
- NICKY: Randall! You've
- RANDALL: Hey.
You've got to try this plane melon.
It's I ate 'em on the plane.
Oh, it looks, uh, interesting.
- (THUNDERCLAP)
- Oh, uh.
- RANDALL: Yeah.
- NICKY: Oh, wow.
- Let's get inside. Come on.
- Okay, okay.
(RANDALL CLEARS THROAT)
Kate, I told you I just wanted
a chill girl's day,
and this is already feeling very
Eyes Wide Shut.
Okay, okay, one sec.
All right, all right.
- (SINGSONGY): You can take it off.
- Okay.
ALL: Happy bachelorette!
Oh, guys, thank you.
This is beautiful.
Well, only the best
for my future sister-in-law.
Aw. Hi.
Hi, sweetheart.
- Beth!
- Oh!
- Thank you for coming early.
- Oh.
Where are the girls?
Oh, they're back at the hotel watching
- To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Part 9.
- Oh.
Besides, I heard that this was
a strictly 21 and over event,
- you know, which I am here for.
- Oh.
Wait. Why is this a strictly 21
and over event? Hmm?
- KATE: Uh, well
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh. Who could that be?
- MADISON: Kate.
- No. We talked about this.
- Listen, okay, just relax, okay?
I'm not gonna do anything
that's gonna land us
in, like, family therapy.
(WHISPERING):
Just take us right to the cusp.
- (SOFT LAUGHTER)
- Hi. Come in.
Uh, oh, wait.
Just to make sure you're
- Vaxxed and waxed for your pleasure.
- Sure.
Okay.
Well, come on in.
Madison?
Joe.
What's happening?
If I was a betting woman, I'd say
our girl Madison has a little
history with the stripper.
He's not a stripper.
He's a model, right?
And he's from a place called
Picasso and Prosecco.
So he's gonna make us drinks and then
takes off his clothes off,
and then we get to paint him.
I'm sorry.
How do you two know each other?
- We dated.
- Oh.
Really good to see you,
and, um, congratulations.
Thanks. (LAUGHS)
So, uh, where should we set up?
And did you want to paint me
in boxer briefs or full nude?
The latter.
(RAIN FALLING)
This is why you should always
bring a puzzle.
I-I got to go check on Rebecca.
She hasn't texted back in a while.
Miguel, she's with Kate and Beth.
I'm sure she's fine.
- You guys decide on a movie yet?
- RANDALL: Um
Hey, Kev, what about Jerry Maguire?
You used to love this one.
YOUNG KEVIN: Jerry Maguire?
I love this movie, man.
I saw it with Dad
when it first came out.
Uh, shouldn't you go check on Sophie?
She should for sure just
blow off some steam.
Yeah. Yeah, I could go for a
little Cameron Crowe right now.
Let's do it.
I'll get some snacks.
Can I help you?
Jerry Maguire.
I work in your office.
I was on a junket.
JERRY: I began writing
what they call a "mission statement."
Not a memo, a mission statement.
A night like this doesn't
come along very often.
I seized it.
Suddenly, I was my father's son again.
I was remembering the
simple pleasures of this job.
neural pathways are set,
and that's why
it's hard for people to change.
That's why behavior
doesn't change very often.
We live in a cynical world.
A cynical world.
And we work in a business
of tough competitors.
Wow, Mr. Pearson was
ridiculously handsome.
Even with the mustache.
(LAUGHING): Yep, he was.
Hey, congratulations, by the way,
on the internship in Boston.
It sounds very exciting.
Thanks.
Yeah, I'm-I'm still pretty 50-50 on it.
I know it's none of my business,
but I think you and
Randall are strong enough
to handle being apart for a few months.
If this is something
you're passionate about doing.
I know.
I'm actually not worried
about me and Randall.
It's this amazing urban planning firm.
They focus
on creating these public spaces
for underserved communities.
That sounds like
a special thing to be a part of.
Yeah, it would be, um,
but it's also really intense.
Like, they give their interns
their own projects
to work on and manage and
I just
I'm just not sure how much more
failure I can take, you know?
Did Randall tell you
that I used to dance?
He did.
Did he tell you that I used to sing?
Hmm. He did.
So I know the feeling
of having a dream cut off at the knees.
But you are too young
and too smart and too strong
to not find new dreams and go for them.
And I suspect when you do,
you will blow everyone away.
Ugh.
I can't get the right color
for his nipples.
Hmm. Why don't you try a little orange?
Oh.
Madison, is this too weird?
'Cause I can send him home.
Like, I have plenty
of other activities that we can do.
No, it's fine. Honestly, I decided
the best revenge
against a guy that ghosted me
is painting him naked days before
I marry one of People's Most Beautiful.
- You're damn right it is.
- REBECCA: Wait.
What-what does "ghosted" mean?
It's when you go out with someone,
and then they end things
by not returning your calls
or your texts.
Just disappearing, like a ghost.
What?
That's horrible.
- Mm-hmm.
- You are horrible, Joe.
- I know.
- KATE: Well,
at least you never have to deal
with that crap again.
MADISON: Here's to
- never dating again.
- BETH: Mm.
- Cheers.
- KATE: And to Kevin
knowing a great thing when he saw it.
That part.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I mean, sure. Kind of.
Hmm? What do you mean?
I mean, you know, he didn't exactly
jump at the chance to be with me.
It took an accidental pregnancy.
KATE: Come on. He
would have figured it out
- without that.
- Maybe.
But I certainly wasn't
reeling him in with the cute,
bantery texts I sent
after we slept together.
Wait. So, was Kevin being
a ghost to you?
Not totally.
I mean, he'd always answer me.
He was totally polite.
It's fine, you guys, really.
The night we got
together was super weird.
I mean, I understand why he
wasn't in the mindset to, like,
you know, ask me on a date.
Well, you know, I believe
everything happens for a reason.
- KATE: Mm-hmm.
- Thank God for Kevin's
powerful sperm
making him see the light.
That's my brother, but cheers?
- Hear! Hear!
- KATE: Oh.
WOMEN: Cheers.
(LAUGHS)
- Oh, my.
- Slight turn for me, Joe?
REBECCA: Mm.
(MUMBLES) Okay.
DICKY FOX: I failed as
much as I've succeeded,
but I love my wife, I love my life,
and I wish you my kind of success.
Oh, man, still holds up.
I can't believe
they never gave Cuba and Regina
a sequel, though.
I would have watched
the hell out of that.
- Hmm.
- Kev, what'd you think?
- Yup.
- Everything you remembered it to be?
I think you're right. Still holds up.
That's it?
Dude, I remember when
you first watched this movie.
You nearly blew a hole through the roof
you were so excited. (GROANS)
You must relate
to this movie like crazy.
It's practically the story
of your life.
What are you? What's that?
What do you mean?
Well, you know, I mean,
guy falls for the kid, or
in your case, the idea of kids,
more than he falls
for the actual girl, you know?
But he sticks by her
just because he's trying
to do the right thing.
You even look like him.
I mean, you sound like him,
you act like him. It's
Like who?
Jerry Maguire!
You're like Jerry Maguire 2.0.
Mm. Yeah, look, U-Uncle Nicky,
I'm not marrying Madison
because I got her pregnant.
I'm I'm marrying her because
I'm-I'm crazy about her.
Oh. Well, I'm
(PHONE CHIMES)
Good news. Rebecca's fine.
She's just painting a naked man
with the rest of the wives.
To be honest, I failed
as much as I've succeeded,
but I love my wife, I love my life,
and I wish you my kind of success.
I forgot how amazing that movie is.
Did you guys like it?
Cuba Gooding, Jr. and
Regina King kind of remind me
- of a certain couple I know.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah, I saw that.
(BOTH LAUGH)
That's it?
I-I mean, what about Jerry?
I mean, like, his whole
character, you know? I mean,
Jerry Maguire is the kind of guy
who decides what he wants,
and he goes for it.
I'll be back soon.
Your brother had, like,
a spiritual experience
- watching Jerry Maguire.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- I've never seen that look in his eyes.
- Whoa.
I've always liked Renée Zellweger.
When I first saw her, I said,
"You know, that's-that's a woman
that's going places.
She's extremely talented, uh,
she has a-a beautiful mouth."
Miguel, that is an extremely
weird thing to say, man.
Tobias? What's your review?
- Of the movie?
- Yeah.
I liked it.
Hey, are you okay, man?
You've been really quiet tonight.
- Yeah. I
- Why would you say that to me?
That I'm only marrying Madison just
because I want to do the right
thing? Why would you say that?
Are we still on this?
I-I was just running my mouth.
I w Just forget I said it.
No, I don't want to forget it.
I don't want to forget it
because it's rude, man.
It's rude, and it's mean.
And, look,
I-I know you've been cooped up
i-in a trailer by yourself
for the past 40 years,
and you have apparently
forgotten how to talk to people,
but that doesn't give you
the right to come into a room
- and just act like a jackass.
- RANDALL: Kev.
Why don't you take a breath?
Yeah. I'll take a breath.
KATE: Okay,
- who's ready for the next activity?
- (PHONE CHIMES)
I got Kev to play The Newlywed Game.
(GASPS)
(MADISON LAUGHS)
- No.
- Hey, will you ladies wait for me?
- This sangria's going right through me.
- KATE: Okay.
- MADISON: What did you do?
- KATE: Well, we'll have to wait
- to find out.
- MADISON: This is crazy.
- KATE: It's gonna be so great.
- MADISON: Aah, I'm so nervous.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
REBECCA: Beth?
Oh. Hey.
What's going on?
I reached out to a job recruiter
just to figure out my next steps,
and she got back to me
with a couple listings
from some very traditional
dance conservatories.
That's a good thing, isn't it?
Could be.
It's just these dance academies
took something I love
and made it joyless.
It's a broken system, Rebecca.
I just
I don't want to be a part of it.
You do know you're the most
impressive person I know?
Oh.
- Right? No, no, I mean it. I'm serious.
- (CHUCKLES)
The
The mom you are.
The career woman you are.
The wife you are
to a man who is kind of a full-time job
- in his own right.
- (CHUCKLES)
So I say
if these traditional
dance academies are broken,
go change them.
Go in there and do what you always do.
(WHISPERS): Blow us all away.
- Okay. Let's do this.
- KATE: All right.
Listen, full disclosure. (CHUCKLES)
I gave Nicky the questions,
and he recorded this,
so I have no idea what to expect.
(REBECCA AND MADISON CHUCKLE)
NICKY: Where are the damn questions?
Hello, ladies. I hope you're enjoying
Uncle Nicky's lovely,
charming commentary.
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- Here we go.
NICKY: (GROANS) All right.
Uh, first question.
What is Madison's idea
of a perfect Sunday morning?
Okay, so, you're gonna answer,
and then we'll see if he gets it right.
Okay. Um, well,
I kind of can't stop daydreaming
about when I'll be able
to sleep in again.
- (REBECCA CHUCKLES)
- I think
Kevin will say
that my perfect Sunday morning
is sleeping till noon
and then hanging with him and the twins
- in bed.
- REBECCA: Hmm.
- All right. Good answer.
- KATE: All right.
- Let's see.
- BETH: Come on, Kev. (WHOOPS)
Uh Well, let's see.
Um, she's been
sort of fantasizing a lot lately
about sleeping in.
- REBECCA: Aw.
- (MADISON LAUGHS)
So I would say sleep till afternoon,
um, and then cappuccino,
and we invite the kids in,
and we just sort of hang out
and cuddle in bed
for the next couple hours
with Thing One and Thing Two.
- (MADISON SQUEALS)
- Aw.
- (MADISON LAUGHS)
- KATE: All right! He knows your drink.
NICKY: Now, that's the lamest thing
- I ever heard. Um
- Just ask the next
Okay. Uh, describe Madison's dream
for your future together
once you're empty nesters.
Oof. Okay. That's a hard one.
It feels so far away.
Um
I hope we'll travel a lot.
And go out
for long, romantic dinners
where we sit and talk
until they kick us out.
Like those older couples you see
who still haven't run out
of things to say to each other.
Really, I just hope
that things will slow down
and we can sort of
discover the world all
over again. Together.
- Ah.
- Sorry. That was a lot.
(LAUGHS)
- KATE: So romantic.
- That was so beautiful.
- It was the perfect answer.
- KATE: So sweet.
Let's see what our Romeo says.
(MADISON LAUGHS)
Dream of a future together
once we're empty nesters.
- It's a trick question.
- NICKY: What do you mean?
KEVIN: Well, Madison knows
that I refuse to grow old,
so the question is moot.
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- Oh, my God.
(LAUGHS): I know Kevin
wants to stay 40 forever.
- I should've guessed that.
- BETH: Boo.
MADISON: Okay. Next question.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
SOPHIE: There you are.
Good, you're back.
I wrote my mission statement.
Your what?
Like in Jerry Maguire.
His was about the future
of sports agencies.
Mine is about my future with you.
(LAUGHING): Oh, my God.
"Sophie,
"as you know,
"I have big dreams
of becoming a famous actor.
"I love you, Soph.
"And I can see
our whole lives together.
"In a couple years,
we'll have another wedding.
"A fancy one with guests
and cake and everything.
"And then a couple years later,
we'll have kids.
"And we'll be the kind of parents
"that are disgustingly
in love with each other.
"Like my parents were.
"And one day, we'll be
that embarrassing couple
"that dances to the piano
in an Italian restaurant
"when nobody else is dancing.
"That's my ultimate dream, Sophie.
You and me to the very end."
MADISON: Earth to Kate. You got to hit
- play so I can hear the next question.
- KATE: Sorry.
- Yes. Yes, yes.
- (BETH AND MADISON CHUCKLE)
Uh, here we go.
Rain's letting up.
Nicky found some dry firewood.
He's got a nice fire going on outside.
Think it's some kind
of caveman-esque peace offering.
My old Jerry Maguire mission statement.
- Ah.
- Yeah.
Remember that? So embarrassing.
(LAUGHS)
No, man. It's romantic.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Ah.
(RANDALL CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Sophie reached out to me, and, um
I don't know.
She said she saw the article
about me and Madison getting married,
and she wanted to
call and congratulate me, so
I mean,
how does anyone ever really know
who they're supposed to marry?
You know what, man?
Come with me.
- Yeah? All right.
- Come on.
Listen up,
fellas. Our boy here's
got a classic case of cold feet.
I think he needs a good talking-to.
- KEVIN: No, I'm fine.
- RANDALL: You are not fine,
- sir. You are a mess.
- Uh Okay.
As for the rest of you,
you're not on top of your game, either.
Okay, Miguel,
you have been obsessing over
our mother since you got here.
Tobias, you are missing
that usual je ne sais quoi
that makes you so appealing.
And, Nicky
Well, you're always odd, so
(MIGUEL CHUCKLES)
So, what's up? Who wants to go first?
Come on. Real talk.
(CLEARS THROAT) This is
the lamest bachelor party
I've ever been to,
and I've never even been
- to one.
- Nicky, shut it. Please.
Who's first?
I'm, like, the world's
greatest rom-com fan.
Okay? Like, th Like, there's
there's literally never been
a-a Hollywood ending
that I have not loved.
And usually, I hate it,
I hate it when people try to poke holes
i-in the romantic ending.
But after watching that movie,
I could only think one thing.
They're just
They're never gonna make it.
Nothing has changed.
All he did was deliver
an incredible line
to some divorce support group.
All right?
Jerry is gonna work too hard.
Dorothy's gonna resent him for that.
And that little kid is gonna
get the short end of the stick
'cause they'll never stop fighting,
and soon he's gonna be mad and sad
instead of adorable and precocious.
And I could just see
their whole little family
in-in-in this boat,
and the boat
is just-just filled with holes.
I'm s I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm in a weird place.
I (LAUGHING)
I really, really need a new job.
I need it financially,
and I need it for my sanity.
And I haven't had a nibble.
Except for this one opportunity
in San Francisco,
which is clearly a nonstarter
for anybody
with two kids under two, so
(SIGHS)
RANDALL: Tobias,
you're gonna be okay.
Your boat's gonna weather the storm.
I promise you.
(NICKY SIGHS)
That movie
just-just put me in a bad mood.
You know,
like all romantic comedies do.
I mean, and romantic dramas
and romantic dramedies.
Yeah, you know, anything that
where there's romance
- involved
- Yeah, we get it, Nicky.
I just
I-I just can't relate to them.
I just
I had one relationship 50 years ago.
Sally Brooks.
And I blew it.
I blew it. I mean,
there's no second chances.
There's no happy endings.
I
I lost the girl.
Roll credits.
And, uh
And I think
I think that's why I
said all that stuff to you.
I was just pissed off about
my own crappy love life.
I'm sorry.
Well, maybe you were onto something.
You know? I mean
Would Madison and I
have ended up together
if life hadn't thrown us
together in some weird way?
I
I don't know.
(OWL HOOTING IN DISTANCE)
MIGUEL: When your mother and I
started seeing each other,
I remember thinking a lot
about that expression
"written in the stars."
I'd always loved that expression.
The idea
that the universe had big plans
for two strangers before
they've even crossed paths.
I remember thinking that's how
it was for your mom and dad.
Written in the stars.
I knew it wasn't like that
for me and her.
It was
strange, the way we came together.
I knew that.
And I was filled with doubt
on our wedding day.
For many days after.
But then
the years went by.
And I realized:
it's okay.
That, yes,
there are some love stories
that are written in the stars.
There are other love stories
They're written together.
Two people
the universe had no plans for
writing their story
in the stars together.
That's pretty fantastic, too.
Isn't it?
I think Jerry and Dorothy
made it, Kevin.
I really do.
(LAUGHING)
This is the strangest
bachelor party in history.
Oh, it's borderline awful.
- RANDALL: Yeah
- (CHUCKLES)
Can the non-sober people
have, like, a beer?
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, please. Please do.
Okay!
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you, man.
I said yes to meeting on those jobs.
Oh, Beths. That's great.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you for earlier.
What you said, you know?
I just I really needed to hear it.
Oh, please. You're welcome.
Hey, honestly,
I should be thanking you.
What? Why?
For opening up to me
about what you've been going through.
Y-You sharing with me like that
made me feel normal,
not like (INHALES)
(SIGHS) not like some patient
that everyone has to tip-toe around.
What are you talking about?
Miguel is
an angel.
But I feel him worrying
about me all the time,
and it can be oppressive.
Mm.
Kevin and Kate
don't ask me to help out
with their kids.
And even Randall went on this
road trip to New Orleans to
find out about his birth mother,
and he's barely even mentioned
a word of it to me, and
I don't know, maybe he
thinks that I can't handle it?
But
today
today, you made
me feel like me again.
Like a mom.
And a girlfriend.
Well, I'm not gonna stop
coming to you for pep talks
- anytime soon, so
- (CHUCKLES)
Same as I have all these years.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Oh.
Mm.
Yeah.
(PHONE CHIMES)
Oh.
- (CAR APPROACHES)
- Yep.
- That's me.
- Mm.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Oh, Rebecca?
If you want to find out about
Randall's trip to New Orleans,
just ask him.
(DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS)
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
Kate, that red velvet cake was insane.
You outdid yourself.
Madison, I need to ask you something.
And it's something I should
have asked you a long time ago.
And I should have asked you
because you're my best friend.
(INHALES, SIGHS)
But Kevin is my brother
and so it makes it delicate.
But I need you just to tell me,
you know, best friend to best friend
Are you happy?
Is Kevin what you were looking for?
Like, is he everything
that you deserve?
I didn't know what
to expect out of him,
honestly.
(CHUCKLES)
All that fame.
All those abs.
(CHUCKLES) The face.
But that movie star brother of yours
has stepped up in ways
I never could have imagined.
I love him, Kate.
I really do.
And, Kate
girlfriends do not come easy for me,
as you can probably tell
by my guest list today.
Nothing will ever
get in the way of that.
You got that right.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hi.
MIGUEL: Hi.
I just wanted to see how your day was.
It was great, actually.
I had a lot of fun.
And I just got home, safe and sound.
Good. That's good.
Um
Look, uh
I'm sorry
that I drive you crazy
with all my worry.
(INHALES)
It's just, um
It's, uh
It's hard,
living in this limbo.
Not knowing how much time we have left.
I know.
It's hard for me, too.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Rebecca. Hey. Uh
I haven't been able
to get ahold of you at home,
and I was starting
to get a little worried.
Thought I'd try you up there.
Oh. I'm sorry.
I should have mentioned that
I was bringing the kids here
- for the weekend.
- No, no, no, don't worry about it.
Don't be silly. You having fun?
(SIGHS)
It is strange being here
with them this time around.
And seeing Kevin and Randall
in relationships.
(CHUCKLES)
They both seem so (EXHALES)
alive.
- (SIGHS)
- Yeah.
Today, for the first time
in a long time, I thought
(SMACKS LIPS)
maybe there's still some
version of love out there
for me, too. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well
if that's something that you're
open to, Rebecca,
it will definitely find you.
I mean, of-of course it will.
- Uh, you are
- (CHUCKLES)
You're you.
(SIGHS)
How's the sky look there?
Mm.
It's beautiful.
Yours?
Same.
Can really see the stars tonight.
(CREAKING)
- Hey, Nicky.
- Hey.
- What are you up to?
- Nothing. Why?
No reason. I just
(EXHALES)
- Good night, Nicky.
- Night.
- WOMAN: Leave a message.
- (BEEPS)
Hi, this is Toby Damon calling.
Um, I've been thinking about it a lot,
and I would actually love
to be considered
for the San Francisco position.
So if you could give me a call back,
that'd be great.
(BEEPS)
-
- (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
(INHALES, EXHALES)
Hey, Kev.
You good?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
-
- (QUIETLY): I'm good.
- (EXHALES)
- NICKY: That's the lamest thing I ever heard.
- Um
- KEVIN: Just ask the next question.
NICKY: Okay. Uh
describe Madison's dream
for your future together
once you're empty nesters.
Dream of a future together
once we're empty nesters.
Dream of a future together
once we're empty nesters.
- It's a trick question.
- What do you mean?
Well, Madison knows that
I refuse to grow old, so
question is moot.
Previously on This Is Us
MADISON: Hey, Kate, it's
Madison. I slept with Kevin.
Explain why you, famous person,
decides to sleep
with my closest friend.
- I'm pregnant, Kevin.
- KEVIN: To hell with it.
KEVIN: I say we just get married.
Let's shock the world and get married.
I got a call from a talent manager.
And she wants me to go to L.A.
for a few months
so she can send me on auditions.
And what about you?
Will you be going with him?
Oh, I can't. I have school.
Yeah, and I'll be back
before Sophie can even miss me.
- JACK: What about right here?
- KEVIN: Yeah.
JACK: Right here, right here.
They're your mom's favorites.
Best movie ever.
Best movie ever.
RANDALL: Hey, sorry pilot
season didn't work out, Kev.
But, you know, it's really good
to have you back east.
- KEVIN: Thanks, man.
- SOPHIE: And look on the bright side.
You got home just in time
for your wife's summer break.
RANDALL:
I have no idea how you guys did
cross-country for four whole months.
Beth got this internship
in Boston this summer,
and, you know, just the thought
of us being apart is killing us.
Yeah, well, I haven't even
decided if I'm gonna take it.
You guys are being dramatic.
Boston isn't even that far away.
I mean, Sophie and I were
on different coasts for months.
It was, like, super easy.
(SCOFFS) I mean, I don't know
if it was that easy.
At least, not for me.
I'm just glad
that you're home for good.
Okay, everyone, we're leaving
for the cabin in 20 minutes.
I want to get up there before dark.
I can't believe I'm going to the cabin
with a bunch of couples.
You're not going with
just couples. You'll have me.
Oh, "Her mother said,
before Kate smothered herself
to death with a throw pillow."
Stop. You'll have me, too.
- (SOFT LAUGHTER)
- You're going to love the cabin.
- It's mad romantic.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm sure.
You know I dig it when
you wear your L.L.Bean.
(LAUGHS)
BETH: I got to admit,
I am very into lumberjack Randall.
It's fisherman Randall.
Kevin got everybody fly-fishing
gear for the bachelor party.
What else you guys have
on the agenda this weekend, hmm?
Gonna order up some strippers
to the cabin?
(STIFLED LAUGH)
Put the "Oh" back in Poconos?
(LAUGHS)
Nicky and Kevin are sober.
Toby isn't exactly rowdy.
And Miguel's idea of fun is a crossword
and a strong herbal tea.
So we'll probably be putting the "ay"
- in Earl Grey.
- Ugh.
Are you sure you want
to go out there early
for Madison's bachelorette?
With everything you've been
going through with the studio?
I'm actually looking forward to it.
You know? Spend a couple days
in the sun with our girls.
And then your date
will meet you for the wedding.
Oh, well, tell my date that I have
this newly-discovered thing
for fishermen.
- Mm-hmm.
- He should dress accordingly.
Will do.
Mm-mm.
Leave the boots on.
(WHISPERS): Okay.
Babe, I don't know.
Is this, is this cool or lame?
I just want everything to be
perfect for Madison tomorrow.
TOBY: Yeah, no, it all looks great.
Madison's lucky to have you.
Aw. Well, thank you.
The kids and I are lucky to have you.
Babe, listen, why don't you take
this weekend to recharge?
Hang out with the guys
and get far, far away
from the Moana soundtrack.
- Oh, God.
- You deserve it.
- Mm. Thanks.
- Mwah.
Yeah.
I will. (SIGHS)
Don't forget your slippers.
You know your toes
get like ten little icicles.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
Honey, we've been over
this a thousand times.
I'll be fine.
We've barely been out of
each other's sight for a year.
Yeah, and it will be refreshing
to not have you watching over me
like a hawk for a few days.
Sorry. No, I-I didn't mean that.
Come here.
I'm fine. My meds are working.
My PET scans show
no further deterioration.
- I know, and it's amazing.
- It is. Yeah.
I will be fine.
Okay. You're right.
- Mm-hmm.
- (CHUCKLES)
- But let me ask you something.
- Hmm.
- (LAUGHS)
- Is it cool?
- It's cool.
- For the bachelor party?
- It's very cool.
- Oh, yeah?
- You look like Ponch.
- Really?
Officer Francis Poncherello,
Erik Estrada's character from CHiPS.
(TONGUE CLICKS) Still got it.
(WHISPERS): Wow.
- Hey, hey, kid, uh, you got room
- Yeah?
in your bag
for my new jigsaw puzzle?
No. No, I don't.
Uh, you're not gonna want to bring
a-a jigsaw puzzle to my bachelor party.
All right.
- (LAUGHS)
- KEVIN: Am I having
the lamest bachelor party ever?
Uh, let's just say I'm not
worried about the cops coming.
Right. What about you?
You excited for your shindig?
You mean our babies spending
the day with the nanny
while your family comes to hang out?
- Yeah.
- It's so embarrassing
none of my friends could fly out early.
Well, no, look, I mean,
they're all babied up, right?
They're all on the East Coast.
Besides, the Pearsons believe in
quality over quantity.
- (FRANNY CRYING OVER MONITOR)
- Oh, God.
Uh, Franny's up.
I have about two minutes
to rock her back to sleep
before she wakes up Nick.
(PHONE BUZZING)
Hello?
Kevin. Hi.
Sophie, hey.
I'm sorry I didn't I didn't
think you were gonna pick up,
'cause I changed my number
and I figured you wouldn't take
- an unknown call.
- Well, what can I say,
- I'm a naturally curious person.
- (CHUCKLES)
Right, um, anyway,
what I was going to say
in my voice mail is that I,
I saw your magazine cover,
about your engagement
and your twins, and, um
I don't know, it just felt weird
not to call and say congratulations.
Well, thank you. Thank you very much.
Yeah, so congratulations.
- (LAUGHS)
- I I mean, your
your fiancée is beautiful, and, um,
you have not one but two babies.
(CHUCKLES): It's it's all
just really amazing, Kevin.
I'm-I'm really happy for you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Uh, so why'd you change your number?
Oh, that's a long story.
They both took explosive poops.
It's an all-hands-on-deck situation.
- Okay, I'm coming.
- (CHUCKLES)
It's fine, it's fine.
You can just call me back.
Or you don't Don't call me back.
You don't-don't That's weird,
you don't have to do that and
No, no, of course, yeah.
No, I'll call you back, um
You know, and we'll-we'll
finish catching up.
Yeah, okay. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Kev, don't fill up on those.
I'm making mushroom risotto for dinner.
Mushroom what?
I saw it on The Today Show.
Al Roker went crazy for the stuff.
RANDALL: So I was thinking, uh,
if we meet up every weekend,
like, halfway,
like, maybe in Connecticut,
it'll only a four-hour drive
- for each of us, so
- Randall, are you still talking about that?
Long distance is no big deal.
You guys are gonna be fine.
Really.
Will you stop saying that?
Saying what?
- That it's no big deal.
- (CHUCKLES)
Being away from you
was really hard for me.
I missed you. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I missed you, too.
I'm just trying to be positive.
Be positive about what? We're done
with the whole long-distance thing.
Yeah, for now.
My manager said if I'm gonna
take acting serious,
I got to be in L.A. pretty regularly.
So, what, you're just gonna
like, constantly be in L.A.
while I'm in New York?
How is this marriage gonna work?
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I don't know, Soph. It just will.
Okay?
Great answer. So glad
that you thought that through.
You are such a jackass.
(DOOR CLOSES)
There they are!
The bachelor party crew.
- What's up?
- How was the private jet?
Uh, well, Toby passed out,
so, Miguel, of course,
spent the whole time
searching for Wi-Fi
so he could get ahold of Mom
and Uncle Nicky took down
an impressive amount of melon balls.
- (LAUGHS)
- Sounds about right.
- You ready to get your fish on?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Forecast says rain,
but I don't think the big man upstairs
is gonna let that happen
to my bro on his big weekend.
Ah. Hope not.
- Hey, Kev.
- Yo.
You did it, man.
Did what?
You remember last Thanksgiving?
You said you wanted
to be married with kids
by the time you were 40.
Well, you're doing it.
It's out of order,
but, you know, still.
- NICKY: Randall! You've
- RANDALL: Hey.
You've got to try this plane melon.
It's I ate 'em on the plane.
Oh, it looks, uh, interesting.
- (THUNDERCLAP)
- Oh, uh.
- RANDALL: Yeah.
- NICKY: Oh, wow.
- Let's get inside. Come on.
- Okay, okay.
(RANDALL CLEARS THROAT)
Kate, I told you I just wanted
a chill girl's day,
and this is already feeling very
Eyes Wide Shut.
Okay, okay, one sec.
All right, all right.
- (SINGSONGY): You can take it off.
- Okay.
ALL: Happy bachelorette!
Oh, guys, thank you.
This is beautiful.
Well, only the best
for my future sister-in-law.
Aw. Hi.
Hi, sweetheart.
- Beth!
- Oh!
- Thank you for coming early.
- Oh.
Where are the girls?
Oh, they're back at the hotel watching
- To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Part 9.
- Oh.
Besides, I heard that this was
a strictly 21 and over event,
- you know, which I am here for.
- Oh.
Wait. Why is this a strictly 21
and over event? Hmm?
- KATE: Uh, well
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh. Who could that be?
- MADISON: Kate.
- No. We talked about this.
- Listen, okay, just relax, okay?
I'm not gonna do anything
that's gonna land us
in, like, family therapy.
(WHISPERING):
Just take us right to the cusp.
- (SOFT LAUGHTER)
- Hi. Come in.
Uh, oh, wait.
Just to make sure you're
- Vaxxed and waxed for your pleasure.
- Sure.
Okay.
Well, come on in.
Madison?
Joe.
What's happening?
If I was a betting woman, I'd say
our girl Madison has a little
history with the stripper.
He's not a stripper.
He's a model, right?
And he's from a place called
Picasso and Prosecco.
So he's gonna make us drinks and then
takes off his clothes off,
and then we get to paint him.
I'm sorry.
How do you two know each other?
- We dated.
- Oh.
Really good to see you,
and, um, congratulations.
Thanks. (LAUGHS)
So, uh, where should we set up?
And did you want to paint me
in boxer briefs or full nude?
The latter.
(RAIN FALLING)
This is why you should always
bring a puzzle.
I-I got to go check on Rebecca.
She hasn't texted back in a while.
Miguel, she's with Kate and Beth.
I'm sure she's fine.
- You guys decide on a movie yet?
- RANDALL: Um
Hey, Kev, what about Jerry Maguire?
You used to love this one.
YOUNG KEVIN: Jerry Maguire?
I love this movie, man.
I saw it with Dad
when it first came out.
Uh, shouldn't you go check on Sophie?
She should for sure just
blow off some steam.
Yeah. Yeah, I could go for a
little Cameron Crowe right now.
Let's do it.
I'll get some snacks.
Can I help you?
Jerry Maguire.
I work in your office.
I was on a junket.
JERRY: I began writing
what they call a "mission statement."
Not a memo, a mission statement.
A night like this doesn't
come along very often.
I seized it.
Suddenly, I was my father's son again.
I was remembering the
simple pleasures of this job.
neural pathways are set,
and that's why
it's hard for people to change.
That's why behavior
doesn't change very often.
We live in a cynical world.
A cynical world.
And we work in a business
of tough competitors.
Wow, Mr. Pearson was
ridiculously handsome.
Even with the mustache.
(LAUGHING): Yep, he was.
Hey, congratulations, by the way,
on the internship in Boston.
It sounds very exciting.
Thanks.
Yeah, I'm-I'm still pretty 50-50 on it.
I know it's none of my business,
but I think you and
Randall are strong enough
to handle being apart for a few months.
If this is something
you're passionate about doing.
I know.
I'm actually not worried
about me and Randall.
It's this amazing urban planning firm.
They focus
on creating these public spaces
for underserved communities.
That sounds like
a special thing to be a part of.
Yeah, it would be, um,
but it's also really intense.
Like, they give their interns
their own projects
to work on and manage and
I just
I'm just not sure how much more
failure I can take, you know?
Did Randall tell you
that I used to dance?
He did.
Did he tell you that I used to sing?
Hmm. He did.
So I know the feeling
of having a dream cut off at the knees.
But you are too young
and too smart and too strong
to not find new dreams and go for them.
And I suspect when you do,
you will blow everyone away.
Ugh.
I can't get the right color
for his nipples.
Hmm. Why don't you try a little orange?
Oh.
Madison, is this too weird?
'Cause I can send him home.
Like, I have plenty
of other activities that we can do.
No, it's fine. Honestly, I decided
the best revenge
against a guy that ghosted me
is painting him naked days before
I marry one of People's Most Beautiful.
- You're damn right it is.
- REBECCA: Wait.
What-what does "ghosted" mean?
It's when you go out with someone,
and then they end things
by not returning your calls
or your texts.
Just disappearing, like a ghost.
What?
That's horrible.
- Mm-hmm.
- You are horrible, Joe.
- I know.
- KATE: Well,
at least you never have to deal
with that crap again.
MADISON: Here's to
- never dating again.
- BETH: Mm.
- Cheers.
- KATE: And to Kevin
knowing a great thing when he saw it.
That part.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I mean, sure. Kind of.
Hmm? What do you mean?
I mean, you know, he didn't exactly
jump at the chance to be with me.
It took an accidental pregnancy.
KATE: Come on. He
would have figured it out
- without that.
- Maybe.
But I certainly wasn't
reeling him in with the cute,
bantery texts I sent
after we slept together.
Wait. So, was Kevin being
a ghost to you?
Not totally.
I mean, he'd always answer me.
He was totally polite.
It's fine, you guys, really.
The night we got
together was super weird.
I mean, I understand why he
wasn't in the mindset to, like,
you know, ask me on a date.
Well, you know, I believe
everything happens for a reason.
- KATE: Mm-hmm.
- Thank God for Kevin's
powerful sperm
making him see the light.
That's my brother, but cheers?
- Hear! Hear!
- KATE: Oh.
WOMEN: Cheers.
(LAUGHS)
- Oh, my.
- Slight turn for me, Joe?
REBECCA: Mm.
(MUMBLES) Okay.
DICKY FOX: I failed as
much as I've succeeded,
but I love my wife, I love my life,
and I wish you my kind of success.
Oh, man, still holds up.
I can't believe
they never gave Cuba and Regina
a sequel, though.
I would have watched
the hell out of that.
- Hmm.
- Kev, what'd you think?
- Yup.
- Everything you remembered it to be?
I think you're right. Still holds up.
That's it?
Dude, I remember when
you first watched this movie.
You nearly blew a hole through the roof
you were so excited. (GROANS)
You must relate
to this movie like crazy.
It's practically the story
of your life.
What are you? What's that?
What do you mean?
Well, you know, I mean,
guy falls for the kid, or
in your case, the idea of kids,
more than he falls
for the actual girl, you know?
But he sticks by her
just because he's trying
to do the right thing.
You even look like him.
I mean, you sound like him,
you act like him. It's
Like who?
Jerry Maguire!
You're like Jerry Maguire 2.0.
Mm. Yeah, look, U-Uncle Nicky,
I'm not marrying Madison
because I got her pregnant.
I'm I'm marrying her because
I'm-I'm crazy about her.
Oh. Well, I'm
(PHONE CHIMES)
Good news. Rebecca's fine.
She's just painting a naked man
with the rest of the wives.
To be honest, I failed
as much as I've succeeded,
but I love my wife, I love my life,
and I wish you my kind of success.
I forgot how amazing that movie is.
Did you guys like it?
Cuba Gooding, Jr. and
Regina King kind of remind me
- of a certain couple I know.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah, I saw that.
(BOTH LAUGH)
That's it?
I-I mean, what about Jerry?
I mean, like, his whole
character, you know? I mean,
Jerry Maguire is the kind of guy
who decides what he wants,
and he goes for it.
I'll be back soon.
Your brother had, like,
a spiritual experience
- watching Jerry Maguire.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- I've never seen that look in his eyes.
- Whoa.
I've always liked Renée Zellweger.
When I first saw her, I said,
"You know, that's-that's a woman
that's going places.
She's extremely talented, uh,
she has a-a beautiful mouth."
Miguel, that is an extremely
weird thing to say, man.
Tobias? What's your review?
- Of the movie?
- Yeah.
I liked it.
Hey, are you okay, man?
You've been really quiet tonight.
- Yeah. I
- Why would you say that to me?
That I'm only marrying Madison just
because I want to do the right
thing? Why would you say that?
Are we still on this?
I-I was just running my mouth.
I w Just forget I said it.
No, I don't want to forget it.
I don't want to forget it
because it's rude, man.
It's rude, and it's mean.
And, look,
I-I know you've been cooped up
i-in a trailer by yourself
for the past 40 years,
and you have apparently
forgotten how to talk to people,
but that doesn't give you
the right to come into a room
- and just act like a jackass.
- RANDALL: Kev.
Why don't you take a breath?
Yeah. I'll take a breath.
KATE: Okay,
- who's ready for the next activity?
- (PHONE CHIMES)
I got Kev to play The Newlywed Game.
(GASPS)
(MADISON LAUGHS)
- No.
- Hey, will you ladies wait for me?
- This sangria's going right through me.
- KATE: Okay.
- MADISON: What did you do?
- KATE: Well, we'll have to wait
- to find out.
- MADISON: This is crazy.
- KATE: It's gonna be so great.
- MADISON: Aah, I'm so nervous.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
REBECCA: Beth?
Oh. Hey.
What's going on?
I reached out to a job recruiter
just to figure out my next steps,
and she got back to me
with a couple listings
from some very traditional
dance conservatories.
That's a good thing, isn't it?
Could be.
It's just these dance academies
took something I love
and made it joyless.
It's a broken system, Rebecca.
I just
I don't want to be a part of it.
You do know you're the most
impressive person I know?
Oh.
- Right? No, no, I mean it. I'm serious.
- (CHUCKLES)
The
The mom you are.
The career woman you are.
The wife you are
to a man who is kind of a full-time job
- in his own right.
- (CHUCKLES)
So I say
if these traditional
dance academies are broken,
go change them.
Go in there and do what you always do.
(WHISPERS): Blow us all away.
- Okay. Let's do this.
- KATE: All right.
Listen, full disclosure. (CHUCKLES)
I gave Nicky the questions,
and he recorded this,
so I have no idea what to expect.
(REBECCA AND MADISON CHUCKLE)
NICKY: Where are the damn questions?
Hello, ladies. I hope you're enjoying
Uncle Nicky's lovely,
charming commentary.
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- Here we go.
NICKY: (GROANS) All right.
Uh, first question.
What is Madison's idea
of a perfect Sunday morning?
Okay, so, you're gonna answer,
and then we'll see if he gets it right.
Okay. Um, well,
I kind of can't stop daydreaming
about when I'll be able
to sleep in again.
- (REBECCA CHUCKLES)
- I think
Kevin will say
that my perfect Sunday morning
is sleeping till noon
and then hanging with him and the twins
- in bed.
- REBECCA: Hmm.
- All right. Good answer.
- KATE: All right.
- Let's see.
- BETH: Come on, Kev. (WHOOPS)
Uh Well, let's see.
Um, she's been
sort of fantasizing a lot lately
about sleeping in.
- REBECCA: Aw.
- (MADISON LAUGHS)
So I would say sleep till afternoon,
um, and then cappuccino,
and we invite the kids in,
and we just sort of hang out
and cuddle in bed
for the next couple hours
with Thing One and Thing Two.
- (MADISON SQUEALS)
- Aw.
- (MADISON LAUGHS)
- KATE: All right! He knows your drink.
NICKY: Now, that's the lamest thing
- I ever heard. Um
- Just ask the next
Okay. Uh, describe Madison's dream
for your future together
once you're empty nesters.
Oof. Okay. That's a hard one.
It feels so far away.
Um
I hope we'll travel a lot.
And go out
for long, romantic dinners
where we sit and talk
until they kick us out.
Like those older couples you see
who still haven't run out
of things to say to each other.
Really, I just hope
that things will slow down
and we can sort of
discover the world all
over again. Together.
- Ah.
- Sorry. That was a lot.
(LAUGHS)
- KATE: So romantic.
- That was so beautiful.
- It was the perfect answer.
- KATE: So sweet.
Let's see what our Romeo says.
(MADISON LAUGHS)
Dream of a future together
once we're empty nesters.
- It's a trick question.
- NICKY: What do you mean?
KEVIN: Well, Madison knows
that I refuse to grow old,
so the question is moot.
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- Oh, my God.
(LAUGHS): I know Kevin
wants to stay 40 forever.
- I should've guessed that.
- BETH: Boo.
MADISON: Okay. Next question.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
SOPHIE: There you are.
Good, you're back.
I wrote my mission statement.
Your what?
Like in Jerry Maguire.
His was about the future
of sports agencies.
Mine is about my future with you.
(LAUGHING): Oh, my God.
"Sophie,
"as you know,
"I have big dreams
of becoming a famous actor.
"I love you, Soph.
"And I can see
our whole lives together.
"In a couple years,
we'll have another wedding.
"A fancy one with guests
and cake and everything.
"And then a couple years later,
we'll have kids.
"And we'll be the kind of parents
"that are disgustingly
in love with each other.
"Like my parents were.
"And one day, we'll be
that embarrassing couple
"that dances to the piano
in an Italian restaurant
"when nobody else is dancing.
"That's my ultimate dream, Sophie.
You and me to the very end."
MADISON: Earth to Kate. You got to hit
- play so I can hear the next question.
- KATE: Sorry.
- Yes. Yes, yes.
- (BETH AND MADISON CHUCKLE)
Uh, here we go.
Rain's letting up.
Nicky found some dry firewood.
He's got a nice fire going on outside.
Think it's some kind
of caveman-esque peace offering.
My old Jerry Maguire mission statement.
- Ah.
- Yeah.
Remember that? So embarrassing.
(LAUGHS)
No, man. It's romantic.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Ah.
(RANDALL CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Sophie reached out to me, and, um
I don't know.
She said she saw the article
about me and Madison getting married,
and she wanted to
call and congratulate me, so
I mean,
how does anyone ever really know
who they're supposed to marry?
You know what, man?
Come with me.
- Yeah? All right.
- Come on.
Listen up,
fellas. Our boy here's
got a classic case of cold feet.
I think he needs a good talking-to.
- KEVIN: No, I'm fine.
- RANDALL: You are not fine,
- sir. You are a mess.
- Uh Okay.
As for the rest of you,
you're not on top of your game, either.
Okay, Miguel,
you have been obsessing over
our mother since you got here.
Tobias, you are missing
that usual je ne sais quoi
that makes you so appealing.
And, Nicky
Well, you're always odd, so
(MIGUEL CHUCKLES)
So, what's up? Who wants to go first?
Come on. Real talk.
(CLEARS THROAT) This is
the lamest bachelor party
I've ever been to,
and I've never even been
- to one.
- Nicky, shut it. Please.
Who's first?
I'm, like, the world's
greatest rom-com fan.
Okay? Like, th Like, there's
there's literally never been
a-a Hollywood ending
that I have not loved.
And usually, I hate it,
I hate it when people try to poke holes
i-in the romantic ending.
But after watching that movie,
I could only think one thing.
They're just
They're never gonna make it.
Nothing has changed.
All he did was deliver
an incredible line
to some divorce support group.
All right?
Jerry is gonna work too hard.
Dorothy's gonna resent him for that.
And that little kid is gonna
get the short end of the stick
'cause they'll never stop fighting,
and soon he's gonna be mad and sad
instead of adorable and precocious.
And I could just see
their whole little family
in-in-in this boat,
and the boat
is just-just filled with holes.
I'm s I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm in a weird place.
I (LAUGHING)
I really, really need a new job.
I need it financially,
and I need it for my sanity.
And I haven't had a nibble.
Except for this one opportunity
in San Francisco,
which is clearly a nonstarter
for anybody
with two kids under two, so
(SIGHS)
RANDALL: Tobias,
you're gonna be okay.
Your boat's gonna weather the storm.
I promise you.
(NICKY SIGHS)
That movie
just-just put me in a bad mood.
You know,
like all romantic comedies do.
I mean, and romantic dramas
and romantic dramedies.
Yeah, you know, anything that
where there's romance
- involved
- Yeah, we get it, Nicky.
I just
I-I just can't relate to them.
I just
I had one relationship 50 years ago.
Sally Brooks.
And I blew it.
I blew it. I mean,
there's no second chances.
There's no happy endings.
I
I lost the girl.
Roll credits.
And, uh
And I think
I think that's why I
said all that stuff to you.
I was just pissed off about
my own crappy love life.
I'm sorry.
Well, maybe you were onto something.
You know? I mean
Would Madison and I
have ended up together
if life hadn't thrown us
together in some weird way?
I
I don't know.
(OWL HOOTING IN DISTANCE)
MIGUEL: When your mother and I
started seeing each other,
I remember thinking a lot
about that expression
"written in the stars."
I'd always loved that expression.
The idea
that the universe had big plans
for two strangers before
they've even crossed paths.
I remember thinking that's how
it was for your mom and dad.
Written in the stars.
I knew it wasn't like that
for me and her.
It was
strange, the way we came together.
I knew that.
And I was filled with doubt
on our wedding day.
For many days after.
But then
the years went by.
And I realized:
it's okay.
That, yes,
there are some love stories
that are written in the stars.
There are other love stories
They're written together.
Two people
the universe had no plans for
writing their story
in the stars together.
That's pretty fantastic, too.
Isn't it?
I think Jerry and Dorothy
made it, Kevin.
I really do.
(LAUGHING)
This is the strangest
bachelor party in history.
Oh, it's borderline awful.
- RANDALL: Yeah
- (CHUCKLES)
Can the non-sober people
have, like, a beer?
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, please. Please do.
Okay!
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you, man.
I said yes to meeting on those jobs.
Oh, Beths. That's great.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you for earlier.
What you said, you know?
I just I really needed to hear it.
Oh, please. You're welcome.
Hey, honestly,
I should be thanking you.
What? Why?
For opening up to me
about what you've been going through.
Y-You sharing with me like that
made me feel normal,
not like (INHALES)
(SIGHS) not like some patient
that everyone has to tip-toe around.
What are you talking about?
Miguel is
an angel.
But I feel him worrying
about me all the time,
and it can be oppressive.
Mm.
Kevin and Kate
don't ask me to help out
with their kids.
And even Randall went on this
road trip to New Orleans to
find out about his birth mother,
and he's barely even mentioned
a word of it to me, and
I don't know, maybe he
thinks that I can't handle it?
But
today
today, you made
me feel like me again.
Like a mom.
And a girlfriend.
Well, I'm not gonna stop
coming to you for pep talks
- anytime soon, so
- (CHUCKLES)
Same as I have all these years.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Oh.
Mm.
Yeah.
(PHONE CHIMES)
Oh.
- (CAR APPROACHES)
- Yep.
- That's me.
- Mm.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Oh, Rebecca?
If you want to find out about
Randall's trip to New Orleans,
just ask him.
(DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS)
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
Kate, that red velvet cake was insane.
You outdid yourself.
Madison, I need to ask you something.
And it's something I should
have asked you a long time ago.
And I should have asked you
because you're my best friend.
(INHALES, SIGHS)
But Kevin is my brother
and so it makes it delicate.
But I need you just to tell me,
you know, best friend to best friend
Are you happy?
Is Kevin what you were looking for?
Like, is he everything
that you deserve?
I didn't know what
to expect out of him,
honestly.
(CHUCKLES)
All that fame.
All those abs.
(CHUCKLES) The face.
But that movie star brother of yours
has stepped up in ways
I never could have imagined.
I love him, Kate.
I really do.
And, Kate
girlfriends do not come easy for me,
as you can probably tell
by my guest list today.
Nothing will ever
get in the way of that.
You got that right.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hi.
MIGUEL: Hi.
I just wanted to see how your day was.
It was great, actually.
I had a lot of fun.
And I just got home, safe and sound.
Good. That's good.
Um
Look, uh
I'm sorry
that I drive you crazy
with all my worry.
(INHALES)
It's just, um
It's, uh
It's hard,
living in this limbo.
Not knowing how much time we have left.
I know.
It's hard for me, too.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Rebecca. Hey. Uh
I haven't been able
to get ahold of you at home,
and I was starting
to get a little worried.
Thought I'd try you up there.
Oh. I'm sorry.
I should have mentioned that
I was bringing the kids here
- for the weekend.
- No, no, no, don't worry about it.
Don't be silly. You having fun?
(SIGHS)
It is strange being here
with them this time around.
And seeing Kevin and Randall
in relationships.
(CHUCKLES)
They both seem so (EXHALES)
alive.
- (SIGHS)
- Yeah.
Today, for the first time
in a long time, I thought
(SMACKS LIPS)
maybe there's still some
version of love out there
for me, too. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well
if that's something that you're
open to, Rebecca,
it will definitely find you.
I mean, of-of course it will.
- Uh, you are
- (CHUCKLES)
You're you.
(SIGHS)
How's the sky look there?
Mm.
It's beautiful.
Yours?
Same.
Can really see the stars tonight.
(CREAKING)
- Hey, Nicky.
- Hey.
- What are you up to?
- Nothing. Why?
No reason. I just
(EXHALES)
- Good night, Nicky.
- Night.
- WOMAN: Leave a message.
- (BEEPS)
Hi, this is Toby Damon calling.
Um, I've been thinking about it a lot,
and I would actually love
to be considered
for the San Francisco position.
So if you could give me a call back,
that'd be great.
(BEEPS)
-
- (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
(INHALES, EXHALES)
Hey, Kev.
You good?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
-
- (QUIETLY): I'm good.
- (EXHALES)
- NICKY: That's the lamest thing I ever heard.
- Um
- KEVIN: Just ask the next question.
NICKY: Okay. Uh
describe Madison's dream
for your future together
once you're empty nesters.
Dream of a future together
once we're empty nesters.
Dream of a future together
once we're empty nesters.
- It's a trick question.
- What do you mean?
Well, Madison knows that
I refuse to grow old, so
question is moot.