The Brady Bunch (1969) s05e22 Episode Script

1
HERE'S THE STORY
OF A LOVELY LADY
WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪
ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪
LIKE THEIR MOTHER
THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS
IT'S THE STORY
OF A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪
WHO WAS BUSY
WITH THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪
THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪
YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE
TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪
AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪
THAT THIS GROUP
MUST SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪
THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
THE BRADY BUNCH
THE BRADY BUNCH
THAT'S THE WAY
WE BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
HI, ALICE. HI, MOM.
OH, GREG, YOU GOT IT! OH.
YES. CAN YOU PUT IT ON FOR US?
OH, NOT NOW. OH, PLEASE.
YEAH, COME ON, GIVE US
A SNEAK PREVIEW.
OH, OK.
[doorbell rings]
(Bobby) I'll GET IT.
OH, MY SON THE SCHOLAR!
DO I LOOK OK?
OH, ALICE, ISN'T HE HANDSOME?
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE
FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL.
SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY
HE WAS JUST STARTING.
THE WAY I FIGURE MY AGE, IT WAS.
YEAH, AND JUST THINK,
4 MORE YEARS, HE'LL BE
GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE.
IF I MAKE THE GRADES.
OH, YOU'LL MAKE
THE GRADES, ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE SURE, HUH?
SURE, 'CAUSE YOU'LL HAVE
THE INCENTIVE.
IF YOU DON'T, WE'LL KILL YOU.
IT CAME! IT CAME!
IT FINALLY CAME!
WHAT CAME? THIS PACKAGE.
WHAT'S IN THIS PACKAGE IS
GONNA MAKE ME $1 MILLION.
(Bobby) HOW ABOUT THAT?
YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE
$1 MILLION FROM
HAIR TONIC?
[Greg laughing]
IT'S NOT JUST HAIR TONIC.
IT'S NEAT AND NATURAL HAIR TONIC.
IF YOU WANT TO LOOK NEAT,
THIS CAN'T BE BEAT.
I NEVER HEARD OF IT. ME, EITHER.
WELL, YOU CAN'T BUY IT IN STORES.
ONLY FROM US
INDEPENDENT DEALERS.
BOBBY, HOW DO YOU PLAN
TO MAKE $1 MILLION FROM THIS?
VERY SIMPLE.
I BOUGHT EACH BOTTLE FOR $1.
AND THE NEAT AND NATURAL COMPANY
GUARANTEES THAT I CAN
SELL EACH ONE FOR $2.
SO I SELL ALL 24 BOTTLES,
I MAKE $24.
I SELL A MILLION BOTTLES,
I MAKE $1 MILLION.
I THINK HE'S BEEN USING
THAT STUFF ON HIS OWN HEAD
AND IT WENT SOFT.
BOBBY, HOW DID YOU GE
INVOLVED IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
THESE THINGS ARE JUS
GIMMICKS TO GET YOUR MONEY.
NOT THIS ONE.
THERE WAS A BIG AD
IN MY MAGAZINE.
[scoffing] GONNA MAKE $1
MILLION WITH THAT JUNK.
BOY, IS HE DUMB.
HE'S GOING INTO COLLEGE, HE DOESN'
EVEN KNOW A THING ABOUT BUSINESS.
LISTEN, YOUNG MAN,
I'M AFRAID THERE ARE A LOT OF
THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW YOURSELF.
YOU'RE GONNA
FIND OUT THE HARD WAY
THAT IT'S NOT ALL THAT EASY
MAKING $1 MILLION.
I DIDN'T SAY
IT WAS GONNA BE EASY.
I KNOW IT'S GONNA TAKE WEEKS
AND WEEKS OF HARD WORK.
MAYBE EVEN MONTHS.
LET'S SEE, 2 TIMES 12 IS
4 TIMES 12 IS 48.
LET'S SEE NOW, 6 TIMES 12
72. THANKS.
CINDY, COULD YOU DO YOUR
HOMEWORK A LITTLE BIT MORE QUIETLY?
I'M NOT DOING HOMEWORK.
I'M FIGURING OUT HOW
MUCH MONEY I'M GONNA MAKE.
DOING WHAT?
GOING INTO BUSINESS.
I'M GOING TO BE A
MILLIONAIRE LIKE BOBBY.
I THINK THAT ONE MILLIONAIRE
IN THE FAMILY IS ENOUGH.
[laughs]
JUST, UH, HOW DO YOU PLAN
TO MAKE YOUR MILLIONS, CINDY?
I GOT THE IDEA PASSING
MR. KIRBY'S PET SHOP.
I'M GONNA RAISE RABBITS.
[laughing]
YOU'RE GONNA RAISE RABBITS?
SURE. ON ACCOUNT OF
HOW THEY MULTIPLY.
TAKES A LOT OF MULTIPLYING
TO MAKE A MILLION.
WELL, LOOK,
I START WITH 2 RABBITS.
THEY HAVE BABIES,
AND THEIR BABIES HAVE BABIES
AND THEN THEIR BABIES HAVE BABIES
AND THEN THE HEALTH DEPARTMEN
COMES OVER AND CONDEMNS OUR HOUSE.
OLIVER, TRY JUST ONE BOTTLE
OF THIS AMAZING TONIC
AND YOU HAVE
MY PERSONAL GUARANTEE
THAT EVERY GIRL AT SCHOOL
WILL FALL AT YOUR FEET.
WELL, I WOULD,
EXCEPT FOR 2 THINGS.
WHAT?
NUMBER 1: I'M BUSTED.
NUMBER 2: I'M TOO YOUNG
TO MESS WITH GIRLS.
OH.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, HOW'D
YOU LIKE TO MAKE SOME MONEY?
WELL, SURE. HOW?
BY GOING TO WORK FOR ME.
SEE, NOW THAT I'M GONNA
BE A MILLIONAIRE,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE AN
ASSISTANT. ME, AN ASSISTANT MILLIONAIRE!
WOW! HOW MUCH DO I GET PAID?
WELL, NOT MUCH AT FIRST.
HOW MUCH IS NOT MUCH?
NOTHING.
I CAN MAKE NOTHING
DOING NOTHING.
WELL, LISTEN,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
SEE, FIRST YOU'D STAR
WITH ON-THE-JOB TRAINING.
THEN YOU'D START MAKING MONEY.
OK, IT'S A DEAL.
HI, GREG.
YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY
WORRIED ABOUT YOU. ME, TOO.
UH, WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
YOUR APPEARANCE
FOR GRADUATION FRIDAY.
OH?
UH, ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?
YEAH. YOUR UNRULY HAIR.
I SEE. AND I SUPPOSE
YOU TWO HAVE THE ANSWER
TO THE UNRULY CONDITION
OF MY HAIR?
VERY POSSIBLE.
THE ANSWER IS
A BOTTLE OF
NEAT AND NATURAL HAIR TONIC.
JUST WHAT I FIGURED.
BUT I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
I'M JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO GRADUATE UNRULY.
(Bobby) BUT BUT GREG NO, BUTS!
I'M EVEN GIVING YOU THE FIRS
CRACK AT MY LIMITED SUPPLY.
'CAUSE YOU'RE A RELATIVE.
LET ME BE AMONG THE FIRS
TO SAY "GOODBYE."
YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.
YEAH.
HEY, MOM, LOOK WHAT I GOT.
WHAT IN THE WORLD! ALICE
RABBITS. THOSE ARE RABBITS.
(Cindy) I NAMED THEM
ROMEO AND JULIET.
I'M GONNA SELL THE BABIES
TO MR. KIRBY AT THE PET STORE
FOR $1 EACH.
DID MR. KIRBY SAY HE'D BUY THEM?
NOT YET. BUT I'M SURE HE WILL,
'CAUSE HE CAN SELL 'EM TO
OTHER PEOPLE FOR $3 EACH.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?
HE SOLD THESE TO ME FOR $3 EACH.
I THINK IT'S MR. KIRBY THAT'S
GONNA BE THE MILLIONAIRE.
CINDY,
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT ROMEO AND JULIET ARE
GOING TO BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
DON'T WORRY, MOM.
I'll TAKE REALLY GOOD CARE OF 'EM.
I'll KEEP 'EM RIGHT UP IN MY ROOM.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR 2 SISTERS?
THEY CAN STAY, TOO.
I WAS REFERRING TO
THE NOISE AND THE SMELL.
DON'T WORRY. THE
RABBITS WILL GET USED TO IT.
[laughing] OH, CINDY.
I THINK IT WOULD BE
A LOT LESS COMPLICATED
IF WE MOVE THE RABBITS
ONTO THE SERVICE PORCH.
THAT'S EVEN A BETTER IDEA.
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
YOU'RE GOING TO GE
FIRST FLOOR ACCOMMODATIONS.
NOW WATCH ME.
PLAY CLOSE ATTENTION
TO MY EXPERT SALES TECHNIQUE
AND LEARN.
[doorbell ringing]
MADAME, ARE YOU TIRED OF
YOUR HAIR BEING AN UNRULY MESS?
DRY, BRITTLE
THAT'S NOT HARD TO LEARN.
[doorbell ringing] HEY, BOBBY, THE
SIGN SAYS "NO PEDDLERS OR AGENTS."
DOES THAT MEAN US?
'COURSE NOT. WE'RE SALESMEN.
YES? SIR, WOULD
YOU LIKE TO BUY
CAN'T YOU READ, KID?
THE SIGN SAYS
"NO PEDDLERS NOR AGENTS."
YEAH, BUT I'M A SALESMAN.
A SALESMAN'S A
PEDDLER. NOW SCRAM. HEY!
THEN, SIR, MAYBE YOU
COULD TALK TO OLIVER HERE.
OH, YOU'RE NO
A PEDDLER OR AGENT?
UH, NO, SIR. WELL, WHAT ARE YOU?
[laughing] I'M JUST A LITTLE BOY.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
IT'S NOT WHAT WE WANT, SIR.
IT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
A BOTTLE OF
NEAT AND NATURAL HAIR TONIC.
IT KEEPS YOUR HAIR
WELL-GROOMED ALL DAY.
I'M A NIGHT WATCHMAN.
I SLEEP ALL DAY.
WELL, IT WORKS AT NIGHT, TOO.
SORRY. I'M NOT INTERESTED.
BUT, SIR!
SIR, DON'T YOU WANT TO LOOK
WELL-GROOMED FOR YOUR JOB?
I TOLD YOU, I'M A NIGHT WATCHMAN.
WHO NEEDS TO LOOK GOOD
FOR A BURGLAR?
WELL, IF THE BURGLAR SCARES YOU,
THIS'LL KEEP YOUR HAIR
FROM STANDING ON END.
NOT MY HAIR.
NOW BYE.
HI, HONEY. HOW GOES
THE MILLIONAIRE BUSINESS?
AWFUL. I DIDN'T MAKE
A SINGLE SALE.
WELL, AFTER ALL,
IT'S ONLY YOUR FIRST DAY.
YEAH, AND IT'S ALSO MY LAST DAY.
YOU DON'T MEAN YOU'RE QUITTING.
YEAH. I'M A FAILURE.
BOBBY, YOU STOP THAT.
LISTEN, YOU KNOW
THERE'S AN OLD SAYING:
"QUITTERS NEVER WIN,
AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT."
YEAH. THAT'S CORNY, MOM.
WELL, IT MAY BE CORNY,
BUT IT'S ALSO TRUE.
LISTEN, HONEY,
THE GREAT ONES NEVER QUI
NO MATTER HOW ROUGH THINGS GET.
NOW TAKE THOMAS EDISON,
FOR INSTANCE.
DID HE QUIT? NO.
HOW ABOUT THE WRIGH
BROTHERS? DID THEY QUIT?
NO. AND HOW ABOUT CARL MAHAKIAN?
CARL MAHAKIAN?
NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
THAT'S RIGHT, 'CAUSE HE QUIT.
IT'S A JOKE.
ANYWAY, I AM TRYING
TO PROVE A POINT.
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE
IN SOMETHING,
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT,
YOU'VE GOTTA HANG IN THERE.
BOY, I WISH I HAD AS MUCH
CONFIDENCE IN ME AS YOU DO.
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE, MOM.
WELL, IT'S A LITTLE BIG,
BUT YOU'LL GROW INTO IT.
BOY, GIVING ME
YOUR LETTERMAN SWEATER.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, GREG.
WELL, LOOK, I'M GRADUATING
AND YOU'LL BE GOING TO WESTDALE.
BUT THIS LETTER COMES OFF.
YOU'LL HAVE TO EARN YOUR OWN.
DON'T WORRY, I'll EARN
ONE IN SOME SPORT.
YEAH, CHASING GIRLS.
HI. HI.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'M A FAILURE. THAT'S
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME.
BOB, YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH
TO BE A FAILURE, YET.
WELL, I GOT AN EARLY START.
YOU DIDN'T SELL ANY OF
YOUR HAIR TONIC, HUH?
NOT A DROP.
WELL, CHEER UP.
YOU'LL SELL SOME.
ARE YOU KIDDIN'? I COULDN'
SELL A BAG OF PEANUTS
TO A STARVING ELEPHANT.
UH, BOBBY, LOOK,
I-I'VE BEEN THINKING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GOTTA LOOK MY BES
FOR GRADUATION.
I REALLY NEED
A BOTTLE OF THAT STUFF.
YOU'RE JUST DOIN' IT 'CAUSE
YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME.
NO! NO, LOOK. MY HAIR'S UNRULY.
IT'S DRY AND BRITTLE.
RIGHT, PETER?
IT'S PRACTICALLY A FIRE HAZARD.
I'D LIKE TO BUY A BOTTLE, BOBBY.
YOU SURE YOU'RE NO
DOIN' IT JUST OUT OF CHARITY?
WOULD I GIVE UP
MY HARD-EARNED CASH
IF I DIDN'T REALLY WANT IT?
I GUESS NOT.
YOU'RE PRETTY CHEAP.
THANKS.
[Peter laughing]
HEY, PETER, YOU COULD
USE A BOTTLE, TOO, HUH?
UH, SORRY. THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA DO RIGHT AWAY.
WHAT? LEAVE. SEE YOU.
BOY, SOME BROTHER.
OH, THAT'LL BE $2.
OH, YEAH.
$2!
OH, ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE WELCOME. OH, YEAH. HEY!
AREN'T YOU GONNA PU
SOME OF THAT ON? YEAH. LATER.
[sighing] SEE, JUST LIKE I
THOUGHT. YOU'RE JUST DOING IT.
BECAUSE YOU FEEL SORRY
FOR ME. BOBBY, I SAID I DIDN'T.
WELL, THEN, PUT SOME ON.
[laughing] OK.
HERE, I'll HELP YOU.
I CAN DO IT MYSELF.
I WANT TO GIVE IT FREE
CUSTOMER SERVICE. COME ON.
UH, BOBBY, I CAN DO IT MYSELF.
JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
IT'S DONE RIGHT.
DON'T WORRY, I'll DO IT RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
I WANT YOU TO BE AN EXAMPLE FOR
THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD TO SEE.
BOBBY, NOT SO MUCH!
IT'S ALL RIGHT. DON'T WORRY
ABOUT USING TOO MUCH.
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU CAN
ALWAYS GET MORE.
[Greg laughing] Yeah.
OOPS.
USE THIS STUFF TWICE A DAY
AND YOU'LL BE
MR. COOL OF WESTDALE HIGH.
THIS STUFF IS
(Greg) HEY, BOBBY,
WHAT'S THE TOWEL FOR?
IT'S, UH, GOOD FOR
YOUR HAIR FOLLICLES.
SEE YOU LATER.
WHERE YOU GOIN'?
[door slams]
OH, NO!
ORANGE!
TOMORROW'S GRADUATION, AND I GO
ORANGE HAIR!
BOBBY!
BOBBY, WHERE ARE YOU?
COME ON OUT!
YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER!
HEY, GREG, WHAT'RE
YOU DOING DOWN THERE?
LOOKING FOR BOBBY.
I'M GONNA CLOBBER HIM.
WHAT
[laughing] HEY, DO YOU
KNOW YOUR HAIR'S ORANGE?
[growls]
WHAT HAPPENED?
BOBBY'S HAIR TONIC.
WELL, YOU'RE SURE GONNA BE A
STANDOUT STUDENT AT GRADUATION.
VERY FUNNY.
[laughing]
HAS EITHER OF YOU SEEN BOBBY?
GREG, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR HAIR?
BOBBY'S HAIR TONIC.
BOBBY'S HAIR TONIC?
YOU MEAN, YOU ACTUALLY
BOUGHT SOME OF THAT JUNK?
YEAH, ONLY BECAUSE I FEL
KIND OF SORRY FOR HIM.
BUT NOW I REALLY
FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,
BECAUSE HE'S ABOUT TO
HAVE A FATAL ACCIDENT.
[laughing] GREG,
DO YOU WANT TO BORROW
THIS FOR YOUR GRADUATION?
IT'LL MATCH YOUR HAIR.
MY ASSISTANT HAS TO
HELP ME FEED THEM
AND KEEP THEIR CAGE CLEAN.
YOU WANT THE JOB?
HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY?
10 CENTS FOR EACH
BABY RABBIT I SELL.
BOY, I'D MAKE A LOT OF MONEY!
EXCEPT I ALREADY HAVE A JOB
AS BOBBY'S ASSISTANT.
HAVE YOU SEEN BOBBY? NO.
EWW, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?
THIS JUNK.
OOH, I'M GONNA TEAR HIM
LIMB FROM LIMB WHEN I FIND HIM.
I THINK I'll BE YOUR ASSISTANT.
BOBBY DOESN'T HAVE
MUCH OF A FUTURE NOW.
OK, YOU FEED ROMEO
AND I'll FEED JULIET.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
WHICH ONE IS WHICH?
GEE, I'M NOT SURE.
WELL, HOW'S EVERYTHING
GOING IN BUNNYLAND?
NOT SO GOOD.
WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE'S
ROMEO AND WHICH ONE'S JULIET.
OH, WELL, JULIET'S THE FAT ONE.
SHE'S THE ONE THAT'S
GONNA HAVE THE BABIES.
BUT THEY'RE BOTH FAT.
HEY! MAYBE THEY'RE BOTH
GONNA HAVE BABIES!
NO, I DOUBT THAT.
WELL, WHY?
WELL, UM,
ROMEOS DON'T HAVE BABIES.
WHY NOT?
WELL, UM
I'll EXPLAIN IT TO YOU
AFTER DINNER, OLIVER, OK?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CINDY? WHAT?
I THINK YOUR MOM HAS A
PROBLEM ABOUT DISCUSSING SEX.
[humming]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
HIDING FROM GREG.
WHY?
YOU DON'T KNOW?
KNOW WHAT?
HE'S PLANNING TO ELIMINATE
ONE OF YOUR DEPENDENTS: ME!
[laughing] WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
(Greg) MOM! WHAT?
HAVE YOU SEEN
THERE HE IS. GREG!
[yelling] OH, MY GOODNESS.
COME HERE, BOBBY!
I DON'T WANT
GREG, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?
THIS HAPPENED TO MY HAIR. OH.
NOW, YOU STAND STILL, COWARD!
I'M NO COWARD. I JUS
DON'T LIKE GETTING KILLED!
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, YOU TWO.
LET'S NOT HAVE ANY BLOODSHED.
YEAH, ESPECIALLY MY BLOOD.
COME HERE. GREG, STOP IT!
WELL, WHAT AM I GONNA
DO ABOUT MY HAIR?
OH. WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
LEAVE YOUR BROTHER ALONE
AND WE'LL TRY TO
FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS
WAS GONNA HAPPEN, BOBBY.
WELL, WHY DIDN'
YOU TELL ME? WELL
HERE, LET ME SEE THE BOTTLE.
THERE'S AN ADDRESS HERE.
NOW LOOK, WHY DON'T
WHY DON'T WE CALL
THE NEAT AND NATURAL
HAIR TONIC COMPANY?
MAYBE THIS HAPPENED TO SOME
OF THEIR OTHER CUSTOMERS.
GOOD GOOD THINKING, MOM.
YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
LOOK, I'll TRY INFORMATION.
LISTEN, GREG, I'M REALLY SORRY.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW SOMETHING
LIKE THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
YEAH, I GUESS YOU COULDN'T KNOW.
[stammering] 'COURSE NOT.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW.
IT COULD'VE TURNED GREEN.
THANKS.
YOU'RE REAL COMFORTING.
I SEE.
YEAH.
THANK YOU, OPERATOR.
WELL,
THE NEAT AND NATURAL COMPANY
HAD ITS PHONE DISCONNECTED.
OH, BOBBY,
I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE
SOME SORT OF SHADY OUTFIT.
I WAS REALLY A JERK
[panting] TO FALL FOR
THAT AD IN THE MAGAZINE.
WELL, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ABOUT TOMORROW, MOM?
IT'S GRADUATION!
WELL, GREG, HAVE YOU HAVE
YOU TRIED TO WASH THAT STUFF
OUT OF YOUR HAIR?
NO, I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY
LOOKING FOR THIS DUMBHEAD!
SO, FOR YOUR SAKE,
IT BETTER WORK.
OH, BOBBY,
YOU BETTER SAY YOUR PRAYERS.
IT DIDN'T WORK.
I WASHED IT 5 TIMES
AND IT DIDN'T WORK.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU GO
SQUEAKY-CLEAN HAIR.
I BET IT GROWS OU
IN 6 TO 8 MONTHS.
FANTASTIC.
NOW, WHAT DO I DO
IN THE MEANTIME?
WELL, YOU COULD SHAVE YOUR HEAD
AND PRETEND
YOU'RE A BOWLING BALL.
[laughing]
HE LOOKS LIKE LUCILLE BALL.
IT DIDN'T WASH OUT, HUH, HONEY?
IF ANYTHING,
IT GOT BRIGHTER ORANGE.
WELL, LOOK, I CALLED
THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU
ABOUT THAT NEAT AND
NATURAL HAIR TONIC COMPANY.
WELL, WHAT'D THEY SAY?
THE F.D.A. CLOSED THEM DOWN.
OH, WELL, NOW IS A
GREAT TIME TO FIND OUT.
WELL, THERE IS ONE CONSOLATION.
I MEAN, OUTSIDE OF THE COLOR,
IT'S NOT GOING TO HUR
YOUR HAIR OR YOUR SCALP.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT GRADUATION?
I CAN'T GO OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS.
WELL, I DO HAVE A SOLUTION.
IT MIGHT BE
A LITTLE EMBARRASSING,
BUT I I THINK IT'LL WORK.
MOTHER, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY GE
ANY MORE EMBARRASSED
THAN I ALREADY AM.
MOM, IF ANYBODY
SEES ME IN HERE
COULDN'T WE JUST GO HOME
AND DO THE DYE JOB?
AND MAKE IT LOOK
WORSE THAN IT IS?
NO, GREG, WE'VE GOT TO
LET A PROFESSIONAL DO IT.
LOOK, WAIT HERE. I'll SEE IF I CAN
GET 'EM TO DO IT IN PRIVATE, OK?
OK. HURRY UP. ALL RIGHT.
(Gretchen) I'M NOT REALLY
SURE I LIKE THIS HAIRSTYLE.
OH, GRETCHEN,
IT'S GOING TO LOOK GREAT,
AND IT'S GOING TO LOOK SO GOOD
WITH YOUR DRESS. LOOK, THERE'S GREG.
GREG BRADY IN A BEAUTY PARLOR?
HI, GREG.
HI, SUZIE. GRETCHEN.
WELL, WHAT YOU DOIN' HERE?
GETTING OUR HAIR DONE
FOR GRADUATION TONIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UH
I'M JUST WAITING FOR MY MOTHER.
ISN'T THE WEATHER A LITTLE WARM
TO BE WEARING A SKI HAT?
NOT IF YOU'RE GOING SKIING.
BUT THERE'S NO SNOW
THIS TIME OF YEAR.
WELL, NO SENSE WAITING
TILL THE LAST MINUTE.
UH, LISTEN, DON'T LET ME
HOLD YOU TWO GIRLS UP.
I'M SURE YOU HAVE MORE
IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.
UH, GREG, YOU'RE ACTING
VERY STRANGE.
"WEIRD" IS MORE THE WORD.
LOOK, SOMETHING'S UP.
CAN YOU TWO KEEP A SECRET?
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
YOU SEE, I CAME IN HERE
WITH MY MOTHER
BECAUSE SHE HAS THIS PROBLEM
ARE YOU SURE
YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET?
OH, SURE. POSITIVE.
OK.
[Greg whispering] I CAN TRUS
YOU NOT TO BREATHE A WORD
GREG. GREG, LISTEN, THEY
UH, HI, GIRLS. (Both) HI.
CAN SHE TAKE CARE OF
IT IN PRIVATE, MOM? YES,
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS OUR SECRET.
OH, DON'T WORRY.
SUZIE AND GRETCHEN WON'T TELL.
OH, NEVER!
WILD HORSES COULDN'
DRAG IT OUT OF US.
SWEET.
I'll SEE YOU AT GRADUATION, GIRLS.
LET'S GO, MOM. BYE.
(both) BYE.
COULD YOU TELL THAT MRS.
BRADY WAS WEARING A WIG?
NEVER.
WHO WOULD EVER THINK
THAT UNDERNEATH I
THAT POOR WOMAN'S
COMPLETELY BALD.
HI, KIDS. HOW'D IT GO
AT THE PET SHOP?
AWFUL.
MR. KIRBY SAID
JULIET CAN'T HAVE BABIES.
WHAT'S HER PROBLEM?
SHE'S NOT A HER. HE'S A HIM.
THAT'S QUITE A PROBLEM.
NOW I'M STUCK WITH 2
ROMEOS AND NO JULIET.
I THINK YOU BETTER
CHANGE THEIR NAME.
UH, HOW ABOUT ROMEO AND JULIUS?
MR. KIRBY WON'T BUY BACK
ROMEO AND JULIUS.
HOW COME?
HE SAYS HE HAS
TOO MANY RABBITS ALREADY.
BOY, AM I A LOSER.
QUIT COMPLAINING.
I'M A TWO-TIME LOSER.
YOU GUYS ARE ABOUT TO SEE
A FORTUNE GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO?
MOM TOLD ME TO POUR IT ALL OUT.
THERE GOES MY MILLIONS.
WELL, THAT'S LIFE. JUST LIKE THAT,
FROM DIAMOND JIM
TO BANKRUPT BOBBY.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
I'M BANKRUPT, TOO, BOBBY.
OH, YEAH? HOW COME?
BECAUSE JULIET'S A BOY
AND MR. KIRBY'S A FINK.
IN OTHER WORDS, MY
RABBITS CAN'T HAVE BABIES
AND MR. KIRBY
WON'T BUY THEM BACK.
OK, BOBBY,
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
HEY, GREG, YOUR HAIR'S
BACK TO NORMAL! YEAH.
(Cindy) IT LOOKS GREAT!
YEAH, YOU'D NEVER KNOW.
BOBBY! LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
[stammering] I I
LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY.
I'll GET A TOWEL. I'll DRY 'EM OFF.
HEY, LOOK!
(Cindy) THAT STUFF
TURNED 'EM ORANGE.
HEY, WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOU
IT. THE TONIC WON'T HURT 'EM.
MOM CHECKED IT OUT.
YEAH, BUT WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO WITH ORANGE RABBITS?
MAYBE MOM WILL GET 'EM AN
APPOINTMENT AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR.
I THINK I'VE GOT IT.
WHAT?
THE SOLUTION TO OUR
MILLIONAIRE PROBLEMS!
(Bobby) THIS IS FANTASTIC!
I KNEW IT WOULD WORK, YOU GUYS.
BOBBY'S THE GREATEST!
HE'S A FINANCIAL GENIUS.
WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE'D
YOU GET THE CHECK?
WE SOLD CINDY'S RABBITS BACK
TO MR. KIRBY AT THE PET SHOP.
I THOUGHT MR. KIRBY
HAD ENOUGH RABBITS.
ENOUGH ORDINARY RABBITS,
BUT NOT ORANGE ONES.
NEAT AND NATURAL ORANGE.
DON'T TELL ME THOSE RABBITS
GOT INTO THE SHOWER WITH GREG.
I GOT ALL MY MONEY
BACK, TOO, MOM. HOW?
(Bobby) SEE, I SOLD ALL THE RES
OF MY HAIR TONIC TO MR. KIRBY,
SO HE COULD MAKE
MORE ORANGE RABBITS.
IT'S HARMLESS AND IT'LL
GROW OUT. YOU SAID SO.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I GOT AN IDEA.
IF WE BOUGH
A CARLOAD OF RABBITS,
AND A CARLOAD
OF THAT HAIR TONIC
OLIVER, THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA!
BOBBY.
HOW COULD YOU THINK
OF SUCH A STUPID IDEA?
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
WITH THE MONEY?
I KNOW!
I SAW IT IN AN AD
IN THE NEWSPAPER.
WE COULD MAKE A FORTUNE
RAISING WORMS!
(Oliver) YOU MEAN ORANGE WORMS!
[children yelling]
[all chattering] OH, GREG,
WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU.
GRADUATING WITH HONORS.
TOO BAD YOUR FATHER WAS
OUT OF TOWN AND HAD TO MISS IT.
I'll BREAK OUT THE ICE CREAM
AND CAKE SO WE CAN CELEBRATE.
HEY, GOOD IDEA, ALICE.
I'll HELP YOU ALICE.
[laughing] HEY, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
HAVE YOU DECIDED WHA
COLLEGE YOU'RE GOING TO YET?
NO, NOT YET.
YOU TWO ARE JUST GONNA HAVE TO
WAIT AND SEE WHO GETS MY ROOM.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO
WITH YOUR ROOM,
SO THEY WON'T HAVE TO
FIGHT OVER IT.
WHAT'S THAT, OLIVER?
MAKE IT INTO A GUEST ROOM.
WHO'D BE THE GUEST?
ME, COUSIN OLIVER.
WELL, GOSH,
IT WAS ONLY A SUGGESTION.