Ghosts (2021) s05e91 Episode Script

1
Sister, there's something
I need to tell you.
If it's that they
finally freed that orphan
from the loom at Father's
factory, thank God.
Production was delayed for hours.
This is actually news
of a personal nature.
HETTY: Has her mustache
grown since this morning?
Why not just shave it?
What if an innocent bird gets ensnared?
Perhaps not a pelican,
but a hummingbird would
certainly be at risk.
Well? What do you think?
I think that sounds wonderful.
You do?
Oh, I'm delighted.
- Now
- HETTY: Oh, my word,
is that a piece of last night's venison?
♪
KYLE: Jay, I have some
terrible news for you.
Hetty was in that mirror.
What?
Oh, wait, is she destroyed?
Oh, my God, did we lose another ghost?
No. No, no, no, she's okay.
HETTY: I wouldn't say I'm "okay."
It's just that little pieces of her
are spread out through all
the different shards of glass.
It's terrible. Hetty's sharded.
Hetty, how did you get in there?
First of all, kindly
take two steps back,
I'm looking directly up Main
Street. What happened was
my slatternly sister pretended as though
she wanted to repair the relationship,
but it was all just a ruse
to trap me in the mirror in her stead.
So it sounds like Hetty's sister
tricked her into the mirror.
Oh, these ghosts.
I told them specifically
to keep it light.
Everybody listen. Margaret
said the veil between worlds
is only thin enough on Halloween
for ghosts to switch places.
So that means we need
to reconstruct the mirror
and get Margaret back in it by midnight.
Thor will go find Margaret.
I'll come with.
Thor really not need help.
Vikings expert trackers.
Well, Margaret's not a school of cod
so maybe I should come just in case.
[THORFINN SIGHS]
Don't worry, Hetty, we're
going to get you out of there.
Thank you, but you are now
directly above my other eye.
Sorry.
Oh. Hey, Margaret.
Are you out chasing butterflies, too?
No, I'm off to Paris.
It's been my lifelong
dream ever since I first saw
the works of the great impressionists.
Oh, you know who was
great at impressions? Pete.
But he disappeared.
And we were gonna do a séance,
but you know melting.
I'm not sure how to
respond to that, so adieu.
That was odd. What's happening?
Uh, you do know we can't
leave the property, right?
It's kind of one of the main rules.
But in the mirror, I
was able to move freely.
Are you saying I-I can't go to Paris?
Lady, you can't go to
that birch tree over there.
[CHUCKLES] Should we go back inside?
[STAMMERS] I think I'll just
stay out here for a while.
At least until the
clock strikes midnight.
That sounds ominous.
No, no, I'm just
playing a game. [CHUCKLES]
- Like hide-and-seek?
- Exactly.
If they don't find me before
Halloween is over, I win.
Oh, like hide-and-seek. I'm in.
What happened to you?
The '60s. [LAUGHS]
Wait a minute, I think I got one.
ALBERTA: Ooh, that is
not where that piece goes.
Stop jamming my wrist
into my neck, you freak.
TREVOR: Kind of looks like a Picasso.
That's right, I minored in art at Penn.
And not because it's full of hot coeds.
It's because they let
you draw a live model
for the final project.
I came as soon as I
heard. My lord, you look
f-fine.
Certainly not like
something out of a nightmare.
[CHUCKLES] In fact, I, you
know, I prefer your face
- all cracked up and crazy.
- Smooth.
Oh, it's really quite rich
Margaret would entrap me
over some mysterious resentment.
I'm the one who should be mad.
She's the one who wronged me.
Wait.
Something's happening.
- What is it?
- I think I'm seeing something.
This is a classic pose,
but would you mind if I presented
a more intriguing tableau?
JULIAN: Oh, my God,
I'm seeing lower tibia.
Ms. Woodstone, if you
approach any further,
I may not be able to resist.
My nape.
Take my nape.
[SQUEALS] Oh, my nape. [MOANING]
I believe I just experienced a vision.
Perhaps something the
mirror witnessed in the past.
Oh, wow. I mean, maybe
mirrors hold on to everything
that they've seen, and
when we broke this one,
it unleashed those memories
so that you can see them?
Hold up, mirrors can do that?
I have to drastically change
my behavior going forward.
ISAAC: What did you see, Hetty?
Did it involve Clive the beefy footman?
Perhaps in some sort
of state of undress?
No, it was a cruel
vision of a happy moment
when true love seemed
to be within my grasp
before my treacherous
sister stole it away from me.
JAY: Oh!
Last piece. I win.
Okay, that's like your second piece.
Also, we're still missing one.
JAY: But that's all the shards.
- We looked everywhere.
- HETTY: Well, are we sure
we must complete the whole mirror
in order for me to be able
to swap places with Margaret?
Maybe we're close enough?
There's only one way to be certain.
Someone's gotta test it.
I'm Hetty's oldest and dearest friend,
so I suppose it falls to me
to convince a simpler mind to touch it.
Trevor, this sounds like a
job for your magic finger.
Yeah, right, what am I, meshuggener?
Alberta, you got this.
Her son murdered me. I'm good.
Isaac, touch the mirror.
I don't know.
Do-do you promise to switch back
in the event the test is successful?
Of course I do.
Okay.
- Oh, thank God.
- [SIGHS]
I really didn't want that to work.
Kyle, you're killing
me. What are they saying?
If we don't find that missing piece,
Hetty will be stuck forever.
You should really try
touching the mirror.
It's thrilling.
FLOWER: I gotta say, Margaret,
hide-and-seek is so fun.
Did you and Hetty play together
a lot when you were kids?
As children, we were close.
But then Hetty's life filled
with friends and suitors.
Eventually, the only way
we could show our love
was being cruel with one another.
Like George and Ringo
after The White Album.
Like, you guys are barely Beatles.
Just be happy you're there.
THORFINN: Margaret!
Oh, Thor must be it.
Oh, he loves hide-and-seek,
except for all of the counting.
Shh! Remember, we must be very quiet.
If they find us, we lose.
[WHISPERING]: Don't worry, Margaret.
I never forget to remember anything.
[SNIFFS]
Thor picking up scent.
[SNIFFS]
Animal urine.
Yeah, that's you, bud.
Hmm.
[SIGHS] So, the sausage
party was a bust.
Evan took off and my backup
dude turned out to be gay.
He had a great time.
KYLE: Okay, so just to catch you up,
Hetty's sister trapped her in the mirror
and we need to find the missing piece
to get her out of there by midnight.
Wow, that's a bad sister.
I look like a saint by comparison.
You stole my identity to take
out loans in Central America.
BELA: Okay, so you're
legally dead in Nicaragua now.
Big deal. You were never
gonna go there anyway.
Wait, I hear something
but I don't think it's
coming from this room.
Maybe you're hearing
out of your missing ear.
Oh, it's a man. He's commenting
on a party he just attended
and the suspicious
ratio of men to women.
Okay, so it's sounding
like Hetty can hear through
the missing shard, and
I think it might have
hitchhiked out of here on a guest.
Wait, now he's complaining
that if someone called Colin
hadn't have "doinked
a barbecue backhand,"
they could have easily beaten Vassar?
- It's gibberish.
- It's Evan.
He was up here when the mirror broke.
One of the shards must have
gotten lodged in his costume.
Well, wait, who's Evan
talking to, his roommate?
He did say he had to go
home because he was tired.
[GASPS] It's Amanda.
It's Amanda.
[SIGHS] This is humiliating.
I never want to see him again.
Yeah, but unfortunately,
you're gonna have to call him
and find out where he is.
Oof, just when you think
this woman is at rock bottom,
Jay hands her a shovel.
BELA: Okay, fine.
But only because I want to
give him a piece of my mind.
And maybe see if the door's still open.
- [LINE RINGING]
- I hear a gentle buzzing.
And now he's saying,
"Oh, God, she's calling.
I think I need to switch gyms."
He's not picking up.
But he's saying some really kind things.
JAY: Okay, I'm calling Amanda.
[LINE RINGING]
Well, she's not picking up either.
She said, "Why is my boss calling?"
And then he said, "Don't pick that up,
I bet it's Bela calling from his phone."
KYLE: I'm sorry, guys,
I think we might've hit a dead end.
Oh, God Hold on.
They're talking to someone new.
Evan is asking for something
called a "Tropical Heat Smasher"?
A Tropical Heat Smasher? What's that?
Only one of the greatest
culinary creations of the last decade.
Two beef patties, cheese,
crispy bacon and a
jalapeño pineapple glaze.
Our boy's at a Sonic.
Well, he's getting something
called a Slush Float.
Uh, Jay, he's getting a Slush Float.
Okay, only two locations carry that.
Jay's echolocating this guy like a bat.
This is impressive. And sad.
Now Evan's asking for the
bathroom code, which is 6872.
The bathroom code is 6872.
Boom. He's at the one on Route 9.
Those four numbers have gotten me out of
a lot of tight spots.
Bela, let's ride.
Route 9.
My God,
Hetty's sharded all
over the Hudson Valley.
Margaret not in kitchen.
She's not in Jay's office either.
But I did find a complete set
of Avengers action figures.
They seem heavily played with.
Wait, I smell something.
[SNIFFS] Me, too.
Smells like patchouli.
THORFINN: Wait,
that what Flower smell like.
Flower?
Shh.
Thor try something.
Marco?
Polo! But me and Margaret
aren't playing that. We're
playing hide-and-seek.
Damn it, woman.
Margaret!
Stop!
Oh. Oh! I
I think that means I'm "it" now.
Oh, cool. [CHUCKLES]
100, 99, 98
Can I, uh, steal a fry?
[CHUCKLES] Only if I
can steal one of these.
- [KNOCKING ON WINDOW]
- [SHOUTS]
Hi, Amanda. Having a fun night?
Uh, hey. Sorry to bother you guys.
Do you remember that
mirror that shattered?
Evan, I think there's a shard somewhere
on your person and
I'm gonna need it back,
so would you mind stepping out
of the car so I could frisk you?
Will you leave me alone if I do?
Absolutely.
This is a real breach of
girl code, I'm just saying.
The final shard.
Ah, he shouted that right in my ear.
But please convey my gratitude to Jay.
Hetty says thank you.
Oh, much better. Hetty,
you look phenomenal,
even with the cracks and
Jay's greasy fingerprints.
NANCY: Well, well, well,
look who's back.
Hello, sister.
Enjoying the mirror?
Strangely, somehow it
looks a little snug on you.
- Hmm.
- SASAPPIS: We found her hiding in the restaurant.
"Hiding" like her upper lip.
Because she used to have a mustache.
My God, it is less fun
having to explain these.
And now you know how I
feel every time you guys
don't get a Matchbox Twenty reference.
Sorry to cut this off,
but it's getting a
little close to midnight.
Thor, shall you shove
this woman into the mirror?
- You wouldn't, you brute.
- NANCY: Aw, do it!
Shove her! Shove her!
GHOSTS [CHANTING]: Shove her! Shove her!
So, how are things playing out?
The ghosts want Thor to
push Margaret in the mirror.
They're chanting,
"Shove her, shove her."
Feels a bit aggressive.
Well, if it helps,
the women are chanting it, too.
I mean, it does help a little.
Shove her! Shove her! Shove her!
- GHOSTS: Shove her! Shove her!
- Please,
I don't want to go back.
Hetty, stop them.
Hetty.
Give me one reason I
should help you. [GASPS]
Sister, there's something
I need to tell you.
HETTY: If it's that they finally
freed that orphan from the loom
at Father's factory, thank God.
Production was delayed for hours.
This is actually news
of a personal nature.
You see, that man Father
hired to paint our portraits,
he's so dashing and talented,
and I do believe that I'm
falling in love with him.
You're sitting for
your portrait tomorrow.
If you could find out if
he reciprocates my feelings,
you truly would be the most
wonderful sister in the world.
Well?
What do you think?
I think that sounds wonderful.
You do? [LAUGHS]
Oh, I'm delighted!
- Shove her! Shove her!
- Stop!
It is I who should remain in the mirror.
It's what I deserve.
Uh, so, bit of a curveball.
Hetty's saying she
should stay in the mirror.
Seriously? I drove
here so fast that half
my Turtle Truffle Nut Blast
went on my steering wheel.
You stopped to get food?
The parking lot's for
customers only, Kyle.
The mirror showed me a vision.
I had no idea you had
feelings for Julian.
But I told you all about it. Why else
would I have reported your
subsequent affair to Father?
Wait, so she told you she
was in love with this guy,
and you got with him instead?
[SIGHS] You did her dirty, dirty dog.
Margaret, I swear I did
not intend to betray you.
When you told me of the painter,
I must not have been listening.
That makes sense. You never listened.
Or paid much attention to me at all,
as much as I was desperate for it.
Oh, my dear sister.
There you are.
Wow, you are really good at hiding.
Upstairs hallway, always
the last place you look.
[CHUCKLES]
Am I crazy or are the vibes,
like, terrible in here?
HETTY: Margaret,
I [SIGHS] Damn this infernal prison.
I wish we could speak together freely
without this cursed mirror between us.
Ugh, fine. Though I tire
of always being the hero,
I will help you out this time.
But make it snappy.
Thank you, Isaac.
Oh! Oh, my God. I
regret this immediately.
The mirror has given me
vision where I was blind.
I only thought about myself in life,
and I was not the sister
that I should have been.
I'm sorry, Margaret.
Those are words that I
never thought I would hear.
Okay, this feels like real growth.
HETTY: Mm.
Hug her, you dummy.
- Oh, we we we don't really
- MARGARET: Oh, but
No, that would
We could
I must admit,
this does feel better than fighting
like a couple of drunken Irishmen.
- On that note
- Mm-hmm?
there is something
else you should know.
Bela bit of hot mess, but
she deserve to find right man.
Yeah, she's got a good heart,
and I'm not complaining
about the caboose either.
Choo choo, am I right?
Sorry the party didn't work out.
Hey, at least we
helped two ghost sisters
- mend a centuries-old rift.
- [CHUCKLES]
Yep, I will toast to that. Wine?
Oh, I'm gonna need more than that.
Oh, yeah, no. This is for me.
This is for you.
[CHUCKLES]
Happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween. [CHUCKLES]
You thinking what I'm thinking?
Could be interesting. Could be disaster.
But that fun to watch, too.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
MARGARET: So, you can
be seen by the Livings
What have you done with
this incredible power?
Well, the first year, I went
for a walk with Jay's cousin,
and this year, I worked at a restaurant.
[GASPS] Hetty Woodstone working?
My God, you have changed!
[CHUCKLES]: Oh
- I could catch up for hours.
- Mm.
But you won't, right?
Ticktock.
Getting a little close to midnight.
Might want to leave a little
buffer for the old switcheroo.
Well, you've been trapped
in there for 100 years.
- Guess it's time to start my shift.
- Yes.
I didn't realize I'd be
confined to the property.
Oh, yeah.
I thought having escaped the mirror,
I'd finally get to see Paris.
I hear they are very
welcoming to Americans.
You also dream of seeing Paris?
You never told me that.
Yes, I did. All the time.
Could you imagine it, sister?
Sitting on the banks of the Seine,
exploring the Louvre.
HETTY: Does it grow
thicker in the winter?
I hope she's careful
when blowing out a candle.
It's possible I might
have missed something.
[SIGHS]
You know, there may be a
way for you to see Paris.
[STAMMERS] It's entirely up to you,
but if you chose to
return to the mirror,
we can have one of our
Livings ship you there.
- Really?
- Yes.
In fact, Trevor, the pantless one?
He has a daughter in Paris.
Huh, I wasn't getting
"girl dad" from him.
[GASPS] But that would be wonderful.
We'll have to ship you carefully.
They've invented something
called "packing peanuts."
These really feel like logistics
that could be figured out post-switch.
Hetty, tut-tut!
And then I hero-moved it, I drove to
Well, it doesn't
matter where I drove to,
but I got the missing mirror piece.
SAMANTHA: Good job, babe.
Although I can't believe
Kyle was playing
basketball in the house.
Yeah, some men never grow up.
Anyway, sha'boy handled it.
I never should have doubted you.
I feel like he should
be doubted a little.
He's putting his clothes
in the dishwasher, Trev.
- It's bad.
- Uh-huh.
So what's gonna happen to Margaret?
Well, we made her dreams
come true, no big deal.
We talked to Abby,
and apparently her apartment
overlooks the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower.
Margaret is taking in the
most magical city in the world.
I'd kill to see what
she's seeing right now.
More people urinating on
the street than you'd expect.
Still, what a view.
I can't believe Pete died
exactly 41 years ago today.
I know.
One more year, he would've
been able to see Top Gun.
We watched it after he died, remember?
He didn't like it.
Too many motorcycle shots
where Tom wasn't wearing a helmet.
He was a dork.
But he was our dork.
Am I late? Did the moment
of silence start already?
[CHUCKLES] For me, it's kind
of all moments of silence
with the ghosts, punctuated
by occasional moments
of major financial setback.
We haven't started yet.
Apparently, he died at 11:15,
so we have 30 seconds.
Okay, great. Well, I brought bratwurst
for everyone to smell. Pete's favorite.
THORFINN: Mmm.
Smell like onion and urine.
ALBERTA: Oh. All right,
everyone. It's time.
Let's take a moment.
We love you, Pete.
[GASPS]
[SCREAMS]
I know I should know this,
but why is everyone so quiet?
We're having a moment
of silence for Pete.
Pete?
Yes, Pete.
- Pete?
- Yes!
No. Pete!
- [GASPING]
- Oh, my God! You're back!
PETE: Was I shot?
Where are my troopers?
Pete, what's going on? Are you okay?
How do you know my name?
Who are you people?!