Abbott Elementary (2021) s06e05 Episode Script

1
Okay, now, what is
the text mostly about?
- Kira.
- Is it recess yet?
No, not recess yet, guys,
we still have a couple of minutes.
But I wanna go now.
Guys, we have to be patient, okay?
Patience is a virtue.
A very important virtue.
Like, you can know you're
going to recess, you know?
Like, you know. [CHUCKLES] 'Cause Ava
Principal Coleman, told you
you were going to recess.
Yeah, you never thought
you were going to recess.
In fact, your mom told you
you would never go to recess
'cause she's never been to recess.
- She said that?
- Yeah, your mom said that, right?
But now you know that
recess is happening,
but you can't go looking for recess.
You don't wanna go looking for it.
[CHUCKLES] You
can't find it if you tried.
You really wanna know
if it's emerald or it's princess cut.
- I love princesses.
- Who doesn't, Kira?
But the thing is, you know
recess is happening,
and you didn't even
know it was happening.
You thought you were getting a dog,
but guess what?
No, you're going to recess!
- [STUDENTS CHEER]
- [BELL RINGS]
- [CHEERING LOUDER]
- [JANINE] You're going to recess!
Yeah!
["HOLD 'EM" PLAYING]
Turning challenging curriculum into
a game creates excitement to learn.
Not Monopoly though.
The school year is only 181 days long.
[ALL LAUGH]
I try to attend all seminars
that pertain to my students and me,
and sometimes there's
useful information,
but all of the time there is catering.
And as liaison representative,
I attend every every seminar,
but my favorites are the ones with Barb
because we get ice cream
and gab afterwards.
That happened one time.
Oh. Every tradition
started with a single event.
[CHUCKLES]
[SPOKESPERSON] Yes?
This is my first year and I'm noticing
that a few students need
a little more time on certain lessons.
Is it better to follow
the mandated curriculum or to
Follow the mandated curriculum.
Yeah, teach to the test.
Even if you run the
risk of having to hold
a student back at the end of the year?
Um If you did your best, and
they did their best, they can move up.
Of course, he's not saying
pass a student who's failing.
I wouldn't say that. No.
Um, it is the district's belief
that students can't succeed
when they fail.
And a bird can't fly if it's a moose.
What are we doing here?
I had to kind of adjust
what qualifies as an F.
- You're kidding?
- No, I do that too.
Wait, does everybody do this?
L-Let's all take a breather. Um
I have some more slides. [CHUCKLES]
So, uh
I don't know why
you're surprised though.
Because we don't do this at Abbott.
[TEACHERS LAUGHING]
Hey. What No We don't.
[LAUGHING LOUDER]
Oh, wow, man. It's fun to laugh, huh?
[AVA] And for transportation?
We have my SUV,
Lynn's minivan and your party bus.
So that should fit all the Steppers.
Minivan?
Sucks to have kids, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
I'll cover the snacks and water.
[MR. JOHNSON] You wanted to see me?
Yes, your janitors'
union bonus check came.
Not sure why you had it sent here,
but here you go.
Probably had it sent here to remind
someone she forgot to congratulate me.
I emailed you.
When I check my email next month,
I'll forgive you.
Uh, you texted me, "Come to my office,
and don't say it's a bad time."
But it feels like it's a bad time.
No, no, no, it's pressing. Follow me.
You still cool with Dom?
Yeah, Dom's great.
Kind of sees me as a mentor.
- Great, you need to fire him.
- Huh?
So Dom's missed 23 days this year.
We get ten.
He's gotten several warnings,
but I don't wanna fire him.
He's the only one around here
I can actually dap up,
and sometimes that's really all you need
at the end of a long day.
Well, I kind of set aside today
to work on my proposal.
You can't really do
it at home because
Gregory, this is your job.
Relationships end, jobs last.
Oh, and you need to
follow union protocol on this.
So Gregory, Melissa. Melissa, Gregory.
You know what? We should start over.
How you doing?
What's going on?
As union representative,
you need to help Gregory fire Dom
in a way that doesn't get us sued.
You're firing Dom?
Typical corporate penny-pinching.
Well, you know what?
I fight for the little guy, Greggy.
[STAMMERING]
- Ava.
- Janine's gonna say no.
Look at that. I just freed up your day.
- Crazy.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
So tell me why my dad got me,
a 13-year-old,
- a princess bed for his new apartment.
- [SCOFFS]
- Well, tell me it was at least Tiana.
- Cinderella.
- Ooh. [LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]
Courtney has really been
taking me up on my open-door policy.
She's been here before school,
after school, sometimes at lunch.
It's usually just to vent,
but sometimes we chat.
I'm just so happy
that she's finally opening up.
Oh, my God.
I can't even laugh about it with my
mom because she'll use it against him.
It's so stupid.
Ugh. Well, look, I know it feels bad,
but it is totally okay
to be mad at your parents. Trust me.
- [STAMMERS] I don't think I'm mad at them.
- Hmm.
I think I'm just sad.
Oh.
So are you an IShowSpeed girl
or a Kai Cenat fan?
They're both cool.
I haven't been laughed at
since I tried stand-up back in 1987.
Yeah, they're a bunch of slugs,
the whole lot of them.
Oh!
Mr. Morton, man of
scientific excellence.
You wouldn't just pass a
failing student, would you?
- Ah, I knew it.
- I haven't even answered the question yet.
But yeah,
sometimes I'll let a few slip through.
- What?
- I don't wanna get chewed out
by the district again. Hey, I was next.
Tasha, same question.
Pass a failing student?
I literally do it all the time.
- Damn it, Tasha!
- What?
What? Don't get mad at me. It was
basically obligatory at my old school.
I just figured it was
the same thing here.
[BARBARA]
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Is this what happens to my sweet babies
once they leave my class?
This ain't Dead Poets Society, Barb.
You don't talk to her.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
That was the best one yet.
All right, quick water break,
we'll run it again.
Principal Coleman,
what do you think of these?
Ooh! These are cute.
Right? They have multiple colors too.
But wearing these
will take us to the next level.
I can't fight you on that.
- How much?
- So they're $200 each.
And that includes shoes.
Like, we'd win in these for sure.
Like you always say,
it's what's on the outside that matters.
- I do say that.
- [CHUCKLES]
$200 per kid?
You're dancing in wedding dresses?
The competition is next weekend.
This is when having an NBA boyfriend
would come in handy,
but no, stay for love,
they said. [SCOFFS]
[SIGHS]
Look, I can talk princesses
and school gossip all day,
but the more emotional stuff
is just trickier terrain.
Then I remembered,
we have someone for that.
Hey, Ms. Alomar, did you get my email?
The one you sent four minutes ago?
Yeah, I got it.
Okay, good. Then it sent.
Um, well, then as you know,
I think I could really use your help.
Courtney's in a delicate place,
and I just really don't wanna say
the wrong thing to her.
Well, since Courtney
didn't come to me herself,
I'd recommend the three of us
just meet in your classroom.
Great idea. Love that. Oh, God.
That's why you're so good at your job.
Happy I came in here
and thought to kind of reach out. Sorry.
- Do you need something else?
- No, actually. [STAMMERS]
I just feel so safe with you
and then I followed you in here.
Okay. I'll see you later.
- One, two, three
- [DOMINIC] Hey, guys.
You wanted to see me in the library?
- Yeah, this is my new office.
- Office?
Yeah, you know
I'm assistant principal now.
Bro, what? Congratulations, man.
Always good to see
a brother in this role.
You're an inspiration, man.
- Thanks, man.
- Hey.
So, um, Dom, please,
you know I got your back, right?
So as, um, your representative
for the teachers' union
Teachers' union? Nice.
Good to see a Sicilian sister
in this role.
Thank you, Dom.
Um
Okay, but we do have
something serious to discuss.
- Uh [SIGHS]
- Mm-hmm.
Go ahead, Gregory.
[STAMMERING] Uh
Y-Yeah, yeah. Okay, yes.
So the thing, uh,
is The thing of, um
The-The-The matter is
The matter at hand
- [STAMMERS] Um
- Um
[CLICKS TONGUE] We just wanna say hi.
Yeah, how you doing? You doing good?
- Yeah, I'm doing great, guys.
- [MELISSA] Okay.
Well, great. That's it.
We never got to check in
and, um, I'm happy we did it, you know?
- Okay. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah.
- All right. Yeah, for sure.
Keep that up, you know?
- There you go. You got it.
- Okay. You get out there with that energy.
Bye, guys.
- Okay. All right.
- Keep looking out.
- You bailed. No.
- You bailed. Totally.
- You were supposed to say it first
- You were supposed to set me up.
- it's in the note. But you
- You said you'd go in there
Forgot my work bag.
- You need that.
- You'll need that for work.
You got all your things and
- All right, now.
- All right. Have a good one now.
[MELISSA] Yeah. Okay. Take care.
- Damn it.
- God, Sicilian sister, I love that.
- Perfect. I need to borrow 2K.
- The video game?
You are so poor.
Okay, listen, we tried to fire Dom
and we just couldn't.
Well, it's your job.
If you can't do it, you should
just turn in your badge and
- Why-Why can't you do it?
- Yeah.
Why couldn't you do it?
The man is He's
precious. Look at him.
I don't care. Take care of him.
You know that means something different
where I come from.
[AVA] I'm not asking you
to put a hit out on Dom, Melissa.
But hypothetically, how much
does a hit woman make after taxes?
I know you're kidding, but I'm not.
You don't have the stomach for it.
I just don't know
how they live with themselves.
Hey, Melissa, are you privy to this?
I am privy to a lot of things.
What thing are you
talking about specifically?
The district's off-the-record mandate
to change the grades
of the students who are failing
so that they pass.
Oh, yeah. Well-aware.
I tried to hold a kid back
a few years ago,
but the district passed him anyway.
- Melissa.
- Barb.
- Jacob.
- Melissa, you are an educator.
But you have a responsibility to
Okay, no, wait, you guys have
never had to fail a kid, right?
You both know I do my job.
I do it well,
but sometimes it's not the teacher.
It's the kid just needs
a little more time.
But you passed him.
I didn't want to.
The district made the decision.
- Okay, but you didn't fight back?
- [MELISSA] Oh, yeah.
No, I'm sorry, I forgot about all that
extra time I got on my hands. Golly.
Now if you wanna lecture someone,
go down and lecture the district.
They're the ones calling the shots.
- Are you ready?
- Oh, perfect timing. Good.
Hey, wait,
when did you two start hanging out?
Around the same time that the two of you
got up on that high horse.
Boom.
- What we dropping mics for?
- [MELISSA] Come on. Let's go.
- Rude.
- You know what?
Maybe this is a fight
we need to pick with the district.
- [GRUNTS]
- Ow! Why?
Because I'm about ready to say something
you've said I've said many times
in your dreams.
Ah! Brainstorm at your house?
Brainstorm at my house.
[AVA] I figured it out.
I ran into Black Thought
at urgent care yesterday,
so I put a bet on Rewards Arena for $500
plus 600 odds that
he'd miss Fallon today.
Ugh!
He just posted from rehearsals.
I knew his ass was faking it.
[SIGHS]
I thought I ate some bad blueberries,
but I'm in the clear.
What's up, J.T.?
Hey, Courtney. Excited to hang.
Also wanted to let you know
we're gonna have a very special guest
joining us today, Ms. Alomar.
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
And-And, Courtney, you can tell
Ms. Alomar absolutely anything.
Hey, Courtney, what's been going on?
Well, I fell in with the gang.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, the Tank Gang.
It was me, Gill, Gurgle, Bloat,
some others.
It was cool until Darla showed up.
No one survives Darla.
Oh, Courtney.
Since I'm the smallest,
I was the only one who could escape.
But of course,
I have a weak fin, if you will, and
Listen, it's okay
if you don't wanna open up, Courtney,
but I'd like you to know I am here
when you're ready to, okay?
Don't hold your gills.
See? Wh What is going on?
It is so weird
how all the members of her gang
have the exact same
name as the fish from
- That was Finding Nemo.
- It was Finding Nemo, Janine.
- That was Finding Nemo.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
Ugh. No tenure, only a year into
teaching and a
paper trail of warnings.
It is not looking good for our boy.
- Gregory.
- Mmm?
Am I talking to myself here?
"Twenty-five unique ways to propose."
Well, Gregory, I'm taken.
- [STAMMERS] It's for Janine.
- Yeah, duh.
Congrats, by the way.
Why are you outsourcing proposal ideas?
You know, I wanna do something special,
but everything I come up with
just isn't it.
Okay, so where did you two meet?
Here.
- In the reverse-y toilet, actually.
- Mmm.
Little secret,
I was proposed to in this school.
- Sucked.
- I know. It's not really a secret.
A lot of people were there.
Jalen Hurts was here.
Well, okay, so you know what not to do.
Uh-oh, study party.
You trying to get into college, Greg?
Little tip, it's where your diploma
is from, not where you started.
You know what, he's right.
Two years of community college,
then you transfer. That's what you do.
Oh, my God, that's what we do.
We get Dom transferred.
Yes, I can call around to a bunch of
schools and see if
they have any openings.
Yeah, okay, I'll check the union website
and see what's out there.
And I'ma take out this trash.
Everybody, break.
I love being on a team
[CHUCKLING] yeah.
[BOTH] Mm-hmm.
- [TV] erupted in the streets of
- I just
I keep coming back to wanting
to start with the perfect acronym
and then sort of
working backwards from there.
No, Jacob, let's focus on the facts.
[TV CHATTER CONTINUES]
- This is district-wide.
- Teachers are unhappy about it.
And they don't have a choice.
But what if we gave them one?
What if we told the higher-ups that
we want to use
Abbott as a test school?
Yes, and then we can show the district
that fair, honest grading
would help the kids.
And their mandate
does more harm than good.
Wrong! What is "You're an idiot"?
- [TV CHATTER]
- Oh.
[SIGHS] Not you. I'm just saying
what Ken Jennings can't.
Oh. [LAUGHS] Okay. Well, good idea.
- And this is a good idea.
- [BARBARA] Yes.
And I'm gonna set the meeting,
and we should do this more often.
- [GERALD] Wrong.
- Tell 'em.
[CHUCKLES] No, that one was for you.
- What?
- Just kidding. [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLING] Well, good one.
Oh, my God, I have to go, um,
because Melissa, uh, locks me out.
- [BARBARA LAUGHS]
- Good night, Barb.
[BARBARA] Good night, Jacob. Thank you.
- Good night, Gerald.
- Good night. [SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- What is it, sweetheart?
- [SIGHS] I'm scared to say it.
Come on, go ahead.
I thought we talked about winding down
towards retirement this year.
And we are.
This doesn't look like
winding down to me.
Plus, the music club and night classes.
Well, I [CHUCKLES]
I guess I see your point.
- Just give it some thought, is all.
- Yeah.
Hey, Dommy, baby,
we got great news for you.
We saved your job.
Wait, what?
- Oh. Yeah, you were gonna get fired, but
- But not anymore.
After making quite a few phone calls
and using several favors,
we got you transferred
to another school.
Damn it.
Is that a happy "damn it" or
Like, "Damn it, thank you."
No. No, no, no.
It's a "damn it"
as in I was hoping to get fired.
What the hell are you talking about,
you're hoping to get fired?
Well, I started doing
real estate part-time,
and it turns out
I'm actually pretty good at it.
They tell me this face closes deals.
- I'm trying to go full-time.
- Are you serious?
I mean, listen, I'd
buy a house from you,
but why don't you just quit this job?
I-I was trying to use the severance
package to cover
the transition period.
You know what?
You're not fired.
Nope, in fact, you are promoted.
- Really?
- Nope, not promoted.
Not promoted. Take that.
I'll see you tomorrow at your job.
Should have left him at the mall.
Kids wanna know
if you got those uniforms yet.
I know. They asked me a million times
during yesterday's practice.
I think it's over.
I've tried everything,
but Janine's bank alerted her to fraud.
Then what are you gonna do?
I'll just lie and say
it's what's on the inside that counts.
Hey.
Courtney, what was
with that bogus story?
What, do you not like the counselor?
I don't like strangers.
I was just talking with you
about this stuff.
Oh. Well, are you okay?
Why don't you ask
Ms. Alomar if I'm okay?
Okay, yeah, I will.
I'll ask her right now, actually.
That was a burn.
That was a burn.
So, you're telling me
you wanna fail your students?
We're telling you we want to
grade them fairly and honestly.
- And not just teach to the test.
- Yes.
Hey, listen, it's a wonderful thought.
And a nice presentation.
- It could have used an acronym.
- Yes, thank you.
I said that. I said that.
But at the end of the day,
this is about state funding.
When students don't pass,
we don't get the funds.
Well, what good are funds if they're
not used to really help the children?
- Hmm Touché.
- So, can we do it?
Fine. But if there are students failing,
it's gonna look bad on your school,
not the district.
And there will be consequences for you,
not the district.
- May I?
- Please.
- [LAUGHING]
- That's good.
Terrific. Oh, wow. Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Hmm.
- Yeah. [SIGHS]
Hey, guys.
Dominic.
You busy?
I don't know. Are we?
I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
I had no idea
how much you guys were doing.
Well, when that smile fades,
it's like the sun goes down.
I feel terrible.
And I'm about to go tell Ava
I quit right now.
Aw, come on, get back here,
you beautiful doe-eyed bastard.
You are fired!
No, I can't accept that.
It's not right after all you've done.
Hey, hey, hey!
You listen to me.
You get your crap,
and you get out of here.
And you take your big, gorgeous
severance package with you.
Really? I can't believe it.
You two are the best. I owe you both.
- Oh, no, you don't owe us a thing.
- Us? No, no, no, no.
Except maybe a big hug.
Come on, bring it in, big guy.
Hey, it took a lot of maturity
for you to come here.
- I'm proud of you.
- Thanks.
[SIGHS] I just don't know
what to do now, you know?
Like, I don't know how to help her.
Her reaction's super common.
She'll come around eventually.
And if she just wants to talk to you,
I can help advise you
on how to best support her.
I do this all the time.
Well, that sounds good. Wow, okay.
[CHUCKLES] Maybe should've gone
with that plan the first time.
- What's that?
- Nothing. Thank you.
Wait, did we do all
that work for nothing?
You went above and beyond
for an employee today.
That is not nothing.
Yeah, I guess.
I don't.
You did good.
I still haven't figured out
how I'm gonna propose to Janine.
Man, quit overthinking it.
Getting down on one knee in a nice
restaurant is a classic for a reason.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Yeah.
And if you need any help with a
reservation south of
Ellsworth, hit me up.
Oh, you'd help a
corporate penny-pincher?
Hey, don't piss me off. I'm in a mood.
I just helped fire
the brightest star in the sky.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
[STUDENT] Oh, my God.
These are fire.
Thank you, Principal Coleman.
Whoa! You know I love credit,
but this wasn't me.
Who sent these?
Was it Oprah? I thought she blocked me.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
[MOUTHING] Thank you.
[MR. JOHNSON] Bonus check well spent.
I always wanted to be
an anonymous benefactor.
Was the sage too much?
- Hello, Courtney.
- Hello, traitor.
All right, look, I know you think that
I broke your trust,
but I'm a teacher, and I'm an adult,
and if I hear something concerning,
then it's my responsibility
to go to Ms. Alomar, okay?
That's nonnegotiable.
So I'm sorry for the way I went
about it, but what I'm not sorry for
is looking out for you,
and I need you to trust me
to know the difference.
Okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Now, give me some fin.
Yeah.
- Not the only one who likes that movie.
- [GIGGLES]
[DOMINIC] Yeah, I mean,
I'm gonna miss the people here.
Some really good people at this school.
Kids are tough.
Teaching is just not for me,
and I feel like I can say this now,
but I'm not gonna miss teaching at all.
And that's how I know
I'm making the right decision.
Oh. Hey, Dom. Long time, no see.
Oh, my God, what happened?
I got fired, but
- Not on my watch.
- Wait, no.
Ah! Put that box down, buddy!
The 51st district liaison
representative is on the case.
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
sync & corrections awaqeded