Drop Dead Diva s06e06 Episode Script
Desperate Housewife
See that aspiring model there? That's me Deb until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams .]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
- Whoo! [ Laughs .]
- Now, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 6x06 - Desperate Housewife Original air date April 27, 2014 Previously on "Drop Dead Diva" Who are you? Grayson, it's me.
I'm Deb.
Mint antioxidant edible face mask.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
[ Chuckles .]
You're nervous about having sex with Grayson tomorrow night.
Owen, I'm pregnant.
That's fantastic, Stacy.
[ Sighs .]
Suppose this gets serious and then we break up.
I don't want my child to be around parents who don't get along.
[ Voice breaking .]
So for the sake of the baby, we need to break up.
I understand.
[ Cellphone beeps .]
Oh, my God.
Teri's been arrested.
I caught Teri impersonating an attorney, and I warned her to stop, but she ignored me.
I told Kim.
Kim must have called the cops.
- You went behind my back to Kim? - Hey.
I don't I don't even know what to say.
How about, when I get back from helping my friend, you're not here.
[ Door slams .]
[ Door opens .]
Morning, sweetie.
[ Burps .]
What was that? Sorry.
I've been burping non-stop.
I think it's one of those pregnancy things that no one tells you about, like facial hair and enlarged feet.
Oh.
[ Sighs .]
Anyway, are you feeling any better today? Last night, I kicked Grayson, the man that I love, out of the house.
I know.
Even for you, that was a bit extreme.
- What? - Hmm? Stacy, are you taking his side? Listen, Grayson discovered that Teri was, yes, impersonating a lawyer.
But rather than coming to me, he went to Kim, who had her arrested.
[ Burps .]
- Oh, dear.
- Excuse me.
Frankly, I'm a little surprised that was Teri's first time in the pokey.
Okay.
Grayson said that he couldn't come to me because he didn't think that I could be objective.
How would that make you feel? Permission to speak freely without you getting mad at me? Permission granted.
You're doing that thing again.
I am not.
What thing? Whenever you're about to have sex with a guy for the first time, you turn a little disagreement into a big fight.
- That's not even true.
- John Perlmutter.
The night before he took you on a romantic weekend, you got mad at him for not covering his mouth when he sneezed.
Sorry.
It's unhygienic.
He was driving on the freeway with both hands on the wheel.
All I'm saying is that you and Grayson were in a good place, and, perhaps, you could take the higher ground and apologize to him for - Don't say it.
- Overreacting.
Stacy.
Fine.
Fine.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I can forgive Grayson so So you two can finally have sex.
No, so he can see that our relationship is strong enough to work through our differences.
- And then to have sex.
- Mm-hmm.
- Listen, I got to go.
- Oh, hey.
The baby cake is gonna be ready tomorrow at 3:00.
Are you sure this baby-cake thing is really a thing? Yes.
The ob-gyn sends an envelope with the baby's gender to the trendiest cake shop in Beverly Hills.
They bake a cake that's either blue or pink on the inside, depending, and then I cut it open in front of my friends, and together, we find out my baby's gender.
You know what? I'll tell you one thing.
This little baby is gonna be loved regardless of the color of the cake.
Mm.
[ Giggles .]
Of course, but it's a great excuse to eat cake.
Damn right.
Bye.
[ Burps .]
Oh.
Yeah.
Great book.
Real page turner.
Can you tell me what happens? Is the red widow the killer? I mean, what's in the briefcase? And spoil the ending? Mnh-mnh.
I can't.
Please.
I'm a single mom with a 4-month-old baby and a 60-hour-a-week job.
The three minutes a day I wait in line for my latte is the only time I get to read, which means I'm gonna finish this book when my baby's like 20.
[ Chuckles .]
I need to know what happens.
Well, how about this? Uh, the chapter you're on has a major twist.
It'll take you two lattes to read it.
[ Chuckles .]
Then I can meet you here Friday night, tell you the ending, and who knows? We might have more in common than obscure detective novels.
Are you asking me out? 'Cause you heard the whole "single mom/baby" thing? I heard you.
Okay, uh Dave.
Friday night.
7:00? Great.
Uh? Sorry.
Kim.
I got to get to work, Kim.
You keep reading.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Clears throat .]
I really hope that smile is for me.
Of course.
It's for you.
[ Chuckles .]
- I couldn't sleep last night.
- Same here.
I guess we had our first fight.
[ Chuckles .]
But, you know, it's over now, and I realize that I overreacted.
Ah, that's a relief.
I I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from.
Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, I didn't say that I understood, I said that I overreacted, because I turned a disagreement into a fight.
But you admit that I didn't do anything wrong.
I cannot believe that you think not telling me about Teri and going behind my back to Kim wasn't wrong.
Well, you would've protected Teri, and given what's at stake, that would've been irrational.
Not just call me irrational.
- Excuse me.
- What? - Are you Jane Bingum? - Yes.
How can I help you? I'm with the Department of Justice.
You've been assigned a new client.
Our firm doesn't take federal assignments.
Per the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, you do now.
I'll be escorting you to the detention center.
Okay? The judge also requested a Grayson Kent.
That would be me.
I have a car waiting.
Let's go.
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Who exactly are we representing? [ Gasps .]
Oh, my God! Is this about the Justin Bieber deportation? [ Squeals .]
I'm not at liberty to say.
Okay, so you're expecting us to meet a new client with absolutely no context.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, if you ask me, that seems a bit irrational.
Good morning again.
Dave? W what are you doing here? One of your assistants is in jail, so I'm filling in till she gets out.
- You're the temp? - I am.
And, Ms.
Kaswell, your 9:30 is waiting for you in the conference room.
O kay [ Exhales sharply .]
When our pastor announced that two church members had been killed in a car accident and that their four children were gonna be separated and sent to different homes, well, we just couldn't let that happen.
We said,"we'll take them all," and applied to be the Bowens' foster parents.
Our house was small, but at least the kids could stay together.
Well, now you have5,000 square feet of state-of-the-art improvements.
Thank you, "ultimate home do-over.
" [ Chuckles .]
Well, your foster family seem like lovely people.
I assume you're here to start the adoption process.
Three days after the show aired, - the Biltmans kicked us out.
- What? They say we're too much trouble.
And now, me, Julia, and Nate are back in group homes.
And I'm living with our Nana.
[ Exhales sharply .]
Our grandma would take us all, but she lives a teeny one-bedroom in public housing.
They're strict about how many people can live in one unit.
We want to sue the Biltmans to take us back so we can all be together.
[ Chuckling .]
Okay, look.
Before we go around suing people, why don't you let me have a conversation with your foster family? We'll see if there's something we can work out.
Sound good? Okay.
We've been walking for 15 minutes.
Sir, how much further? Your client's been isolated from the rest of the detainees.
The cell's just up ahead.
Who is it? Chapo Guzman? Edward Snowden? Abu Nazir? [ Scoffs .]
Sir, with this client, can you even ensure our safety? In here, you're safe.
But your client's considered one of the most dangerous people in America.
[ Sighs .]
Hi.
I'm Susan Peterson.
I want to go home.
I have no idea why I'm here.
I didn't commit a crime.
I swear, whatever they think I did, I I'm innocent.
Well, tell us about the arrest.
Uh, this morning, I was at home, uh, taking a cake out of the oven, when men in S.
W.
A.
T.
gear busted down my front door.
They put a cloth bag over my head and dragged me away.
[ Breathing shakily .]
Do you know what they've told my family? Um, they haven't shared anything with us.
Mrs.
Peterson, obviously, the government feels that you're a threat to national security.
Can you tell us anything that can help us prepare your defense? I can tell you this is all a mistake.
Maybe there's another Susan Peterson who did whatever they think I did, but I'm a law-abiding citizen.
I'm a mom.
I I take care of the house.
I I run school committees.
And my husband's a good man.
He's a landscaper.
- He owns his own business.
- Okay.
Okay.
Mrs.
Peterson, here's what we're gonna do Please, call me Susan.
Susan, we're gonna speak to the judge, and we're gonna find out what's going on.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Biltman, I know how difficult it is to be a parent.
Those foster kids were impossible.
They were slobs left their rooms a mess, they'd talk over the TV, and they were always demanding that we drive them around like chauffeurs.
The little one would come into our room at night and crawl into bed with us, even though we asked her not to.
So you kicked the kids out because they were behaving like kids? Don't you dare judge us.
Did you encourage good behavior with a reward system? You know, Modern Parent Magazine has an excellent article this month on disciplinary methods.
I can have my assistant make you a copy.
That's not necessary.
Look, we gave it a shot.
It just didn't work out.
You made a commitment to the Bowen children.
I'm gonna stop you there.
Foster parenting, by definition, is temporary.
Let me cut to the chase.
If you think you can kick those kids out and keep that big, old house, you can forget it.
That house belongs to my clients.
The children don't have a claim.
Without those children, your clients would still be slumming it in a two-bedroom teardown.
So you can either move out and let the Bowen children move back in or buy them an equivalent house.
We're done here.
Thank you for your time.
I'll see you in court.
What can I get you? I'll have a green [Burps.]
[ Clears throat .]
[ Chuckles .]
Excuse me.
I'm pregnant, and it's making me burp.
I'll have a caffeine-free green tea.
How often are you burping? The past 24 hours.
[ Burps .]
It pretty much hasn't stopped.
Hmm.
It's probably because you know what? - Never mind.
- What? It's nothing.
Nothing.
Please tell me what you were gonna say.
Well, my mother was a midwife, and she said when a pregnant woman is burping like you, it means she's having an evil baby.
What? I'm sorry, honey, but your baby is cursed.
Now, what can I get you to eat? I recommend the turkey burger.
It's free-range.
[ Gulps .]
In light of the serious nature of the charges, we're asking that the defendant be held without bail.
Your Honor, despite repeated requests, we still haven't been told what our client's been charged with.
As a matter of national security, we cannot disclose that.
Okay, in this country, you can't hold someone without probable cause.
I agree.
But for the record, the government hasn't shared the charges with me, either.
Should you wish to proceed, I demand to hear the evidence against the defendant.
Yes, Your Honor, the Government will establish our grounds for probable cause ex parte in a closed session in the SCIF.
Uh, excuse me.
What's a "SCIF"? It is a "Sensitive Compartmentalized" "Information Facility.
" Behind that door is a little room swept for bugs prior to every meeting.
Very well then.
We will continue in the SCIF.
Let's go.
I'm sorry, but you two are not allowed in the SCIF.
What? You don't have security clearance.
[ Door opens .]
[ Door closes .]
I need you to get this brief to the clerk.
No problem, Ms.
Kaswell.
Thanks.
Dave, by any chance, are you an artist? No.
Why? Let me guess.
You're writing a novel.
Nope.
Just love to read.
Okay, I give up.
What are your aspirations? My aspirations? Yeah, professionally.
What do you want to be doing? Well, I'm a temp, Kim.
I love my life.
No stress, in at 9:00, out at have enough time to do the things that I love hiking, snowboarding, reading a complete novel.
[ Chuckles .]
But you're wearing an expensive suit.
I mean, how does a temp afford something like that? Trust fund.
It was my brother's.
He's a lawyer and spends all his days stress-eating.
And thanks to his expanding waistline, I got his old wardrobe.
[ Chuckles softly .]
Okay.
Uh, well make sure the clerk gets that brief.
Are they ever going to come out of that room? They've been in there almost an hour.
You know, Susan, the judge seemed pretty reasonable.
So unless the Government has real cause, I I bet she'll let you go.
[ Door opens .]
I have reviewed the evidence, and I am ordering that Susan Peterson be held without bail until trial.
- No.
- On what grounds? I am not at liberty to say.
Your Honor, we're at least entitled to see - the charging document.
- Yes.
And I have instructed the AUSA to hand them over.
Thank you.
It's all blacked out.
Uh, except for "national security risk," "informant 6869," and "treason.
" It's redacted as a matter of national security.
At this point, I am ordering the guards to return the defendant to solitary.
No.
No.
Jane, help me.
[ Voice breaking .]
No, help me! Jane, please! Help me, Jane.
I'm innocent.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Burps .]
Stacy, did that come out of you? Unfortunately, yes, Owen.
Does evil run in your family? Uh, mostly neurosis and sluggish thyroids.
Evil, I don't recall.
What's going on? I can't stop burping, and my waitress told me that it means the baby is evil.
Now, I know that every child has its issues I've even set aside money for therapy but an evil baby? Huh? How do we prepare for that? I promise you, there is no such thing as an evil baby.
- Really? - Of course.
Now, I remember, my mother, she burped non-stop when she was pregnant with my brother.
Charlie? He was arrested for fraud.
- Bad example.
- Uh-huh.
Stacy, your baby is gonna be sweet and kind, just like you.
- I promise.
- Aw.
[ Giggles .]
[ Burps .]
Okay.
[ Both laugh .]
Impressive.
Mary and John Biltman leveraged the Bowen-family tragedy into a free home makeover.
The children have been exploited, and the Biltmans have been unjustly enriched.
Ms.
Kaswell, what remedy are you seeking? Disgorgement.
The Biltmans must turn over the house to the Bowen children.
Our hearts go out to the Bowen children, but the Biltmans don't owe them anything.
We would also accept monetary value of the home improvements $500,000.
The Bowen children do not have standing to sue.
The only contract here is between the producers of "Ultimate Home Do-over" and my clients, Mr.
and Mrs.
Biltman.
Her clients are simply not a party to this dispute.
- Is that true? - Well, the thing is Ms.
Kaswell, are your clients a party to the contract or not? No, Your Honor, b I'm sorry, but the kids have no claims against their former foster parents.
Case dismissed.
[ Gavel bangs .]
- Excuse me, Ms.
Kaswell.
- Yes? I'm Lily Bowen, the kids' grandmother.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
I appreciate everything that you're doing.
It just breaks my heart that I can't take in all my grandkids.
- But the city won't allow it.
- I understand.
And, Mrs.
Bowen, I want you to know that I'm not giving up.
Thank you.
My wife is not a terrorist.
Susan loves America.
On the Fourth of July, she runs the block party.
Her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.
What exactly is the government saying? The charging document suggests an informant turned her in.
We were hoping you would tell us who that might be.
I have no idea.
Is your wife involved in politics? [ Sighs .]
She won a highly contested election - for treasurer of the PTA.
- And what about you? Anything that could've attracted the government's interest? No.
Just a regular guy.
Have you and your wife traveled out of the country recently? Never.
We were planning a trip to Saudi Arabia.
Susan's friend got a job over there.
[ Door opens .]
Jake, why aren't you at school? I was worried about mom.
P people are saying she was arrested.
Mom was taken into custody this morning.
What? Dad, th th that that's crazy.
Yeah.
These lawyers are here to help her.
We're doing everything that we can.
Dad, where's the computer? The police took it.
[ Sighs .]
Jake's been working on a mobile app for almost a year.
All his coding is on the computer.
Is the computer Susan's? Well, she bought it, but we all use it.
Me for work, Jake for his homework and coding, Susan for committees and recipes.
Uh, Jake, can you give us a few minutes? Your mom made you a cake.
It's in the fridge.
Whatever they think she did, my mom didn't do it.
[ Sighs .]
Now, this may sound like a strange question, but what kind of cake was your wife baking when the house was raided? Yellow cake.
I don't know.
She found the recipe online.
Why? It's probably nothing, but "yellow cake" is a term used to describe uranium.
Um now, you said you work in landscaping.
Do you ever order fertilizer online? All the time.
Fertilizer can be used to make explosives.
Was Susan e-mailing with her friend in Saudi Arabia? Pretty much every day.
Okay.
Um, Alan, the government monitors Internet searches.
That's legal? The NSA can collect data to counter the threat of terrorism.
So Susan was probably flagged as a terrorist just based on the family's Internet search history.
See, the NSA might have assumed she was coding, buying fertilizer, using yellow cake, and to top it all off, she was sending e-mails to Saudi Arabia.
You know what? We need to get ahold of that computer.
Ah, the government would never release a [ Cellphone ringing .]
Hello? Yes? Oh, God.
Okay.
Y yeah, thanks for the call.
One of my vendors tried to cash a check.
The bank closed our account.
[ Sighs .]
The government must have put the bank on alert.
So, what? Level with me.
What happens next? We try to prove that your wife is innocent.
What if you can't? Well, the penalty for treason is death.
- Grayson.
- Good morning.
Could you come here? Question.
What do you think of Dave? - Who? - Dave.
The temp.
He gave me my messages and has a pleasant phone voice.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, that's not what I meant.
No way.
You have the hots for the temp? [ Clears throat .]
[ Chuckles .]
Motherhood must've altered your brain chemistry.
What's that supposed to mean? You date up.
You want to be with a man who elevates your stature.
You're one to talk.
You're dating a partner.
Hey, how's that going, by the way? Jane's not happy with the way I handled the Teri situation.
Come on.
You were just protecting the firm.
We fought, we almost made up, I called her irrational, she went ballistic.
Ooh.
You called her irrational? Well, at the time, she was.
Regardless, it's super demeaning.
- I'd be pissed, too.
- Excuse me.
Grayson, we have a meeting in the conference room.
Have fun.
Wait.
With who? I, uh, don't have it on my calendar.
Grabzilla.
They are the search engine on Susan's computer.
Ah, so they would have a history of all the searches.
Yep.
See, Owen has a friend on the board, and when he explained the situation, the C.
E.
O.
said he would come right over.
Uh, I'm so sorry about your client.
The NSA can be overzealous in their surveillance activities.
We believe that Susan's arrest was based on search terms used by multiple family members, and the combination of these search terms seemed suspicious.
But the only way we can prove that is to access the data.
Well, given the circumstances, I wish I could help you, but I can't.
Uh, Grabzilla's policy is never to release a user's history.
But these circumstances are unusual.
I'm sure you can see that.
Look, Mr.
Redmund, our firm is a loyal Grabzilla customer.
I mean, you run our mail client and our server farm, so Then you should understand why I can't honor your request.
As a customer, you trust us when we say "nondisclosure is the bedrock of our privacy policy.
" But these are our client's own searches.
We can only release personal data pursuant to a valid court order.
It's all spelled out in the user agreement.
Okay.
Well, if you need a court order, we will get a court order.
Just because we lost today, it doesn't mean that I'm done fighting for you guys.
But for now, the three of you will go back to your group homes, and Daisy will go back to live with grandma.
No, I don't want to go by myself.
Daisy doesn't like to be away from us.
[ Sighs .]
You know what? I refuse to let you be separated.
Thanks, but no one will take all of us.
So you'll stay here.
At least for tonight, anyway.
We'll get some sleeping bags and ice cream, movies.
It'll be like a big slumber party.
Would you like that, Daisy? Okay.
This hearing should be short.
We just need to get the judge to order Grabzilla to release your search history.
Mom? Mom?! No contact.
Sit.
Ms.
Bingum, let's get this started.
Yes.
Your Honor, we are seeking to compel Grabzilla to release Mrs.
Peterson's Internet search history.
Objection.
This is nothing but a fishing expedition.
You know, Mrs.
Peterson has the constitutional right to counsel, right? But, apparently, not the right to the information that landed her here in the first place.
So we're hoping to glean that information by analyzing the search history in the family computer.
The government opposes the request.
You know, it appears that the D.
O.
J.
would be content if I just stood here and did nothing, like a legal mannequin, if you will.
You see? I can stand like this all day.
Mr.
Sebell, what is Grabzilla's position on this matter? Your Honor, while we will not categorically oppose an order, we would like a little extra time to study the merits of releasing the data.
Two weeks just to be brief.
Your Honor, my client needs to be with her family.
Can you please expedite this process? All right.
Does tomorrow sound better? Yes.
N no.
No.
We'll need more time.
You're Grabzilla.
You have hundreds of in-house lawyers.
Use a few dozen if you need to.
Thank you.
I'm happy to babysit.
Watching four kids will be good practice - for the evil one I'm carrying.
- What? Nothing.
[ Giggles .]
I'm glad you called.
Oy, um, hey, kids? I'm gonna go now, but Stacy is gonna be here all night in case there's anything you need.
Just don't ask me to help you with your math homework.
[ Chuckles softly .]
[ Chuckles .]
Stacy? Oh, what is it, sweetie? Do you need a drink of water? Bedtime story? Dating advice? Am I ever gonna get my own room again? Um, you know, Kim is working on that.
But they promised me my own room.
They promised.
Who promised you your own room? The TV people.
The TV host told all of us that if we went on his show, - we'd get our own rooms.
- He promised.
And what happens to people who break their promises? They get in trouble.
That's right, Daisy.
They do.
Nighty night.
[ Burps .]
[ Laughter .]
Can you teach us how to do that? [ Chuckles .]
You don't want to know how.
[ Keyboard clacking .]
[ Sighs .]
Okay, 4:00 A.
M.
We've got five hours to finish the brief.
Okay, well, I just finished section six legislative history of the Patriot Act.
Where are you on congressional intent? Oh, it was a bear, but I'm done.
Great.
Would you mind writing up the table of authorities? - Sure.
- Okay.
But first, I want to apologize for calling you irrational.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
It's just that word, irrational it's just really demeaning.
That's exactly what Kim said.
You spoke to Kim about us? Yeah, we're friends.
Grayson, I don't want her in my personal business.
I'm surprised you wouldn't know that.
Well, for what it's worth, she agreed with you.
That's not the point.
You know what? Why don't we just work in silence? Jane.
I'm working.
[ Laptops beep, whir .]
What the hell? Yeah, my screen, uh, just went blank.
Yeah, mine, too.
[ Keyboard clacking .]
Oh, God.
No.
No.
No, no.
Okay, the brief is gone.
Hey, I spoke with I.
T.
They don't think it was a tech failure.
We were the victim of a malicious hack.
What? Someone remotely accessed the firm's servers.
Who would hack us? Someone who wants Susan to stay in jail.
The government.
Well, what about our briefs? Did I.
T.
retrieve the backups? Drives are scrambled.
They'll need at least 48 hours to get anything usable.
Well, then, we'll file this partial-handwritten brief.
I'll tell I.
T.
not to worry about recovery and let them focus on figuring out who hacked us.
Okay.
[ Sighs .]
All I want is my own room where me and my babies can sleep.
And we promise that you and each of your siblings will get your very own special room that's unique to your personality.
[ Monitor beeps .]
Your Honor, as evidenced by the video, there was an oral contract between the producers of "Ultimate Home Do-over" and the Bowen children.
On behalf of the producers of the show, I agree with Ms.
Kaswell's statement.
- You do? - Yes.
We promised each of those kids their own bedroom and each one of them got it, but then the Biltmans kicked them out.
It's reprehensible, but it's not our problem.
We delivered.
I'm sorry, Ms.
Kaswell, but Mr.
Hanson is right.
I don't deny there is a harm here, but the defendants have not breached their duty to the children.
If anything, Mr.
and Mrs.
Biltman fraudulently represented themselves to the production company.
And the production company would have a claim against them.
But, unfortunately, you do not.
[ Gavel bangs .]
- Mr.
Hanson.
- Yes? Just a heads up.
I think the public will be interested in what happened to the Bowen children after they appeared on your show, so I'm gonna hold a press conference to share what you just told the judge.
You know, that the orphans aren't your problem.
Is that a threat? No.
I think it's gonna be a great story.
"Children evicted from their dream home.
" "Producers stand by as they're sent back to foster care.
" There won't be a dry eye in the house.
What do you want, Ms.
Kaswell? There was a contract between the Biltmans and your clients, the producers of the show.
You heard the judge.
Your clients have a claim against them.
But we have no intention of suing the Biltmans.
You don't have to.
All you have to do is allow my clients to assert your clients' claim and collect your damages.
It's permissible under the law.
- Subrogation and assignment.
- That's right.
Allow my clients to stand in your clients' shoes.
[ Elevator dings .]
Hey.
How was court? Oh, uh, I lost, but I'm still in the game.
Good to hear.
I'm heading out to pick up something for Jane.
Do you need anything while I'm out? Nope.
Uh, I'm all good.
Dave.
Uh, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to cancel our date for tonight.
I figured.
You're buried in your case.
Uh, tomorrow or the next day is fine.
I'm free any night but Tuesday book club.
Right.
[ Sighs .]
Um, yeah, I just, uh I don't think going out is a very good idea.
I mean, when I said yes, I I didn't know you were a temp and And you don't date the help.
Well, Kim, I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't date the help.
So I guess we're on the same page.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go help.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
Grayson, so, I found this blogger.
He's a professor at M.
I.
T.
He said the government spends hundreds of millions of dollars a year on cyberwarfare.
- So if that's who hacked us - Jane, the government isn't behind the hack or Susan's arrest.
- I think it was Grabzilla.
- What? Yeah, I went through their annual report and their 2014 forecast.
Grabzilla said they'd be signing a $1-billion government contract at the end of the second quarter.
Now, there are no more specifics, because the program pertains to get this national security.
So they were probably beta-testing the software for the NSA when Susan got flagged.
Grabzilla wanted two weeks to review our request for her search history.
Now, the end of the second quarter is in 11 days.
My guess they want to make sure that contract gets signed before disclosing any flaws in the program.
And if we prove that Susan is innocent, it would expose the software flaws.
They'd be out a billion dollars.
Which is why they will do everything in their power to keep her behind bars.
[ Scoffs .]
Mr.
Redmund, isn't Grabzilla days away from signing a massive contract with the U.
S.
Government for a new software system? That's not news.
Government R&D is a growth area for my company, and we're happy to do our part to keep the country secure.
Okay, so, hypothetically speaking, if there were flaws in the software, you wouldn't want your buyer to know, right? And, certainly, after the "Affordable Care Act" website fiasco, you could not risk a whiff of program error.
Objection.
Inflammatory.
Overruled.
Mr.
Redmund, please answer.
I wouldn't hide anything from the government.
One final question.
Does the software system that you're selling to the government employ the same algorithm as the software that erroneously flagged Susan Peterson as a terrorist? I will not answer that question.
[ Chuckling .]
Oh.
Oh, ok you won't answer the question? Well, I think you just did.
Assuming that was an admission, is that the real reason you won't turn over my client's search history? I cannot answer on grounds of national security.
Oop, nope.
Sorry.
But as a private citizen, you can't invoke that protection.
In fact, only the AUSA can make that assertion, and I'm guessing [ Chuckling .]
Yeah.
Yeah, by the look on his face, he's very interested in your answer.
I am.
But I don't think that this is the right venue.
Well, you know, you could take Mr.
Redmund into the SCIF and force him to tell you the whole truth and nothing but.
There's no reason for me to testify in the SCIF, Ms.
Bingum.
Actually, I think that's a great idea.
As does the government.
Let's go.
Oh, Your Honor, uh, before you drag Mr.
Redmund into the SCIF, I think there's one other thing you have to do.
Of course.
I dismiss the complaint against Ms.
Peterson.
[ Sighs .]
You're free to go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So, the Bowen children don't have a case against the Biltmans.
Yes, I know.
I'm the one who explained that to you twice.
Your Honor, she's wasting the court's time.
I'm beginning to agree.
Five minutes and you'll never hear from me again.
I'm timing you.
The Bowens don't have a claim against the Biltmans, but, as you said earlier, the producers do.
The producers have signed their claim over to us, which means my clients now have standing.
[ Clears throat .]
Hmm.
Found your "in," Ms.
Kaswell.
The reason the Biltmans were chosen by the producers to appear on "Ultimate Home Do-over" was to give the Bowen children their dream home.
Well, the children no longer have that home, because the Biltmans kicked them out, which violates their contract.
Since the kids now stand in place of the producers, they absolutely have the right to sue.
She's bending the law, Your Honor.
Maybe so, but until now, your clients have been hiding behind it.
I suggest the Biltmans agree to pay the Bowen children the full improved value of the home.
Otherwise, if this case proceeds, I imagine that with damages, that number will continue to grow.
We don't have $500,000.
That's why we agreed to do the show in the first place.
Really? I thought it was for the children.
You know, if you can't pay, then why not sign the house over to the Bowen children? You can keep your remaining assets and avoid bankruptcy.
Ms.
Kaswell, the children are minors and need a legal guardian.
Of course.
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Um, the kids' loving grandmother is more than happy to step in and live with them.
What's it going to be, counselor? [ Indistinct whispering .]
We accept those terms.
Good.
We're done.
[ Burps .]
Stacy.
Mnh-mnh.
I need your opinion.
I saw an ad on Craigslist for a prenatal exorcist.
What do you think? Well, I don't know.
Are they licensed? Good question.
I have also started watching the first season of "Dexter.
" If my kid is gonna be a serial killer, I need to know what I'm in for.
Stace, it Oh, sweetie.
How are things going between you two? Not great.
You know, I mean, we can work together, no problem, but when it comes to basic human interaction, we seem to be off.
Even the first time around, you guys had bumps.
Do I dare mention the TiVo calamity of 2006? Do you know I still haven't seen the finale of "Malcolm in the Middle"? Uh, excuse me, Jane? I picked up your baby cake.
Do you want me to put it in your car? No.
Let's get a knife.
I want to cut it now.
Oh, but I thought we were gonna have a party at home.
Did you invite anyone? Sorry.
It's been a long day.
Eh, that's okay.
Let's just do it now.
I need to know if I'm having a Damian or a Cruella.
Okay.
Dave, you heard the pregnant lady.
Put the baby cake in the conference room, please.
Pink cake means that Stacy's having a girl, and blue is a boy.
Okay, here we go.
I'm cutting the baby cake.
Oh, it's pink! [ Gasps .]
A little girl.
And blue.
Oh, my God.
I'm having an evil half-boy/half-girl.
Stacy, pink and blue means you're having twins.
You're having a little girl and a little boy.
Evil twins? Oh, my God.
Enough.
There is no evil baby, okay? The twins are the reason you've been burping.
There's just not a lot of room in there, you know, and the air's got to come out somehow.
[ Chuckles .]
Oh, my God.
I'm having twins.
Normal, wonderful, not-evil twins.
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
[ Singsong voice .]
Who wants baby cake? Oh.
[ Knock on door .]
- Hey.
- Hey.
You left the party without a piece of cake.
[ Giggles .]
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
So, you're one virile guy, huh? Twins? Yeah.
Yeah, I got super sperm, huh? You okay? [ Exhales softly .]
I I, uh I don't know if I should be talking to you about this, but, uh, I mean, w we're friends, right? Yeah.
[ Exhales sharply .]
Yeah.
I'm, uh I'm respecting Stacy's wishes and and trying not to get close, but when she cut that cake it was, uh it was difficult.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I I can imagine.
I mean, they're your children, too.
No, it's it's not just about the kids.
It's it's her.
- Oh.
- I, uh [ Sighs .]
I can't I can't I can't help myself.
I I it's killing me that she just wants to be friends.
[ Groans .]
Well You know, you've respected Stacy's wishes, and that's really nice and it's dignified, but I say throw caution to the wind and make a move, you know? I I mean, I know you didn't really ask me, but I say go for it.
This cake is amazing.
Brought you a piece.
Oh, no, I really shouldn't.
- Why not? - It's empty calories.
Well, it tastes good.
It'll go right to my hips.
I like your hips.
I also like this cake.
Have one bite.
I promise that it won't kill you.
Mmm.
Oh, my God.
That is so good.
I haven't had white carbs since the baby was born.
You haven't done a lot of things since the baby was born.
You know, the thing about cake Hmm? I really like to eat dinner first.
Are you asking me out? I am.
But you don't date the help.
You really shouldn't correct your boss.
I'll make reservations.
Why don't I do that? You're off the clock.
[ Knock on door .]
Coming.
Hey.
I think we need to talk about what's going on between us.
I mean, Grayson, we're just so different now, you know, and it's a lot more complicated.
And it just seems that our relationship is off to a rocky start.
[ Exhales sharply .]
At least we can agree on something, right? Okay, you're not talking.
Um are you doing that thing that I used to do? Remember? We took that long weekend and I kept putting my foot in my mouth, so, finally, I was like, "I'm just not gonna speak for the rest of the evening," and at least we'll stop arguing, you know? Remember? Okay, you're still not talking.
What do you want to do tonight? Mm.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams .]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
- Whoo! [ Laughs .]
- Now, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 6x06 - Desperate Housewife Original air date April 27, 2014 Previously on "Drop Dead Diva" Who are you? Grayson, it's me.
I'm Deb.
Mint antioxidant edible face mask.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
[ Chuckles .]
You're nervous about having sex with Grayson tomorrow night.
Owen, I'm pregnant.
That's fantastic, Stacy.
[ Sighs .]
Suppose this gets serious and then we break up.
I don't want my child to be around parents who don't get along.
[ Voice breaking .]
So for the sake of the baby, we need to break up.
I understand.
[ Cellphone beeps .]
Oh, my God.
Teri's been arrested.
I caught Teri impersonating an attorney, and I warned her to stop, but she ignored me.
I told Kim.
Kim must have called the cops.
- You went behind my back to Kim? - Hey.
I don't I don't even know what to say.
How about, when I get back from helping my friend, you're not here.
[ Door slams .]
[ Door opens .]
Morning, sweetie.
[ Burps .]
What was that? Sorry.
I've been burping non-stop.
I think it's one of those pregnancy things that no one tells you about, like facial hair and enlarged feet.
Oh.
[ Sighs .]
Anyway, are you feeling any better today? Last night, I kicked Grayson, the man that I love, out of the house.
I know.
Even for you, that was a bit extreme.
- What? - Hmm? Stacy, are you taking his side? Listen, Grayson discovered that Teri was, yes, impersonating a lawyer.
But rather than coming to me, he went to Kim, who had her arrested.
[ Burps .]
- Oh, dear.
- Excuse me.
Frankly, I'm a little surprised that was Teri's first time in the pokey.
Okay.
Grayson said that he couldn't come to me because he didn't think that I could be objective.
How would that make you feel? Permission to speak freely without you getting mad at me? Permission granted.
You're doing that thing again.
I am not.
What thing? Whenever you're about to have sex with a guy for the first time, you turn a little disagreement into a big fight.
- That's not even true.
- John Perlmutter.
The night before he took you on a romantic weekend, you got mad at him for not covering his mouth when he sneezed.
Sorry.
It's unhygienic.
He was driving on the freeway with both hands on the wheel.
All I'm saying is that you and Grayson were in a good place, and, perhaps, you could take the higher ground and apologize to him for - Don't say it.
- Overreacting.
Stacy.
Fine.
Fine.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I can forgive Grayson so So you two can finally have sex.
No, so he can see that our relationship is strong enough to work through our differences.
- And then to have sex.
- Mm-hmm.
- Listen, I got to go.
- Oh, hey.
The baby cake is gonna be ready tomorrow at 3:00.
Are you sure this baby-cake thing is really a thing? Yes.
The ob-gyn sends an envelope with the baby's gender to the trendiest cake shop in Beverly Hills.
They bake a cake that's either blue or pink on the inside, depending, and then I cut it open in front of my friends, and together, we find out my baby's gender.
You know what? I'll tell you one thing.
This little baby is gonna be loved regardless of the color of the cake.
Mm.
[ Giggles .]
Of course, but it's a great excuse to eat cake.
Damn right.
Bye.
[ Burps .]
Oh.
Yeah.
Great book.
Real page turner.
Can you tell me what happens? Is the red widow the killer? I mean, what's in the briefcase? And spoil the ending? Mnh-mnh.
I can't.
Please.
I'm a single mom with a 4-month-old baby and a 60-hour-a-week job.
The three minutes a day I wait in line for my latte is the only time I get to read, which means I'm gonna finish this book when my baby's like 20.
[ Chuckles .]
I need to know what happens.
Well, how about this? Uh, the chapter you're on has a major twist.
It'll take you two lattes to read it.
[ Chuckles .]
Then I can meet you here Friday night, tell you the ending, and who knows? We might have more in common than obscure detective novels.
Are you asking me out? 'Cause you heard the whole "single mom/baby" thing? I heard you.
Okay, uh Dave.
Friday night.
7:00? Great.
Uh? Sorry.
Kim.
I got to get to work, Kim.
You keep reading.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Clears throat .]
I really hope that smile is for me.
Of course.
It's for you.
[ Chuckles .]
- I couldn't sleep last night.
- Same here.
I guess we had our first fight.
[ Chuckles .]
But, you know, it's over now, and I realize that I overreacted.
Ah, that's a relief.
I I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from.
Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, I didn't say that I understood, I said that I overreacted, because I turned a disagreement into a fight.
But you admit that I didn't do anything wrong.
I cannot believe that you think not telling me about Teri and going behind my back to Kim wasn't wrong.
Well, you would've protected Teri, and given what's at stake, that would've been irrational.
Not just call me irrational.
- Excuse me.
- What? - Are you Jane Bingum? - Yes.
How can I help you? I'm with the Department of Justice.
You've been assigned a new client.
Our firm doesn't take federal assignments.
Per the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, you do now.
I'll be escorting you to the detention center.
Okay? The judge also requested a Grayson Kent.
That would be me.
I have a car waiting.
Let's go.
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Who exactly are we representing? [ Gasps .]
Oh, my God! Is this about the Justin Bieber deportation? [ Squeals .]
I'm not at liberty to say.
Okay, so you're expecting us to meet a new client with absolutely no context.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, if you ask me, that seems a bit irrational.
Good morning again.
Dave? W what are you doing here? One of your assistants is in jail, so I'm filling in till she gets out.
- You're the temp? - I am.
And, Ms.
Kaswell, your 9:30 is waiting for you in the conference room.
O kay [ Exhales sharply .]
When our pastor announced that two church members had been killed in a car accident and that their four children were gonna be separated and sent to different homes, well, we just couldn't let that happen.
We said,"we'll take them all," and applied to be the Bowens' foster parents.
Our house was small, but at least the kids could stay together.
Well, now you have5,000 square feet of state-of-the-art improvements.
Thank you, "ultimate home do-over.
" [ Chuckles .]
Well, your foster family seem like lovely people.
I assume you're here to start the adoption process.
Three days after the show aired, - the Biltmans kicked us out.
- What? They say we're too much trouble.
And now, me, Julia, and Nate are back in group homes.
And I'm living with our Nana.
[ Exhales sharply .]
Our grandma would take us all, but she lives a teeny one-bedroom in public housing.
They're strict about how many people can live in one unit.
We want to sue the Biltmans to take us back so we can all be together.
[ Chuckling .]
Okay, look.
Before we go around suing people, why don't you let me have a conversation with your foster family? We'll see if there's something we can work out.
Sound good? Okay.
We've been walking for 15 minutes.
Sir, how much further? Your client's been isolated from the rest of the detainees.
The cell's just up ahead.
Who is it? Chapo Guzman? Edward Snowden? Abu Nazir? [ Scoffs .]
Sir, with this client, can you even ensure our safety? In here, you're safe.
But your client's considered one of the most dangerous people in America.
[ Sighs .]
Hi.
I'm Susan Peterson.
I want to go home.
I have no idea why I'm here.
I didn't commit a crime.
I swear, whatever they think I did, I I'm innocent.
Well, tell us about the arrest.
Uh, this morning, I was at home, uh, taking a cake out of the oven, when men in S.
W.
A.
T.
gear busted down my front door.
They put a cloth bag over my head and dragged me away.
[ Breathing shakily .]
Do you know what they've told my family? Um, they haven't shared anything with us.
Mrs.
Peterson, obviously, the government feels that you're a threat to national security.
Can you tell us anything that can help us prepare your defense? I can tell you this is all a mistake.
Maybe there's another Susan Peterson who did whatever they think I did, but I'm a law-abiding citizen.
I'm a mom.
I I take care of the house.
I I run school committees.
And my husband's a good man.
He's a landscaper.
- He owns his own business.
- Okay.
Okay.
Mrs.
Peterson, here's what we're gonna do Please, call me Susan.
Susan, we're gonna speak to the judge, and we're gonna find out what's going on.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Biltman, I know how difficult it is to be a parent.
Those foster kids were impossible.
They were slobs left their rooms a mess, they'd talk over the TV, and they were always demanding that we drive them around like chauffeurs.
The little one would come into our room at night and crawl into bed with us, even though we asked her not to.
So you kicked the kids out because they were behaving like kids? Don't you dare judge us.
Did you encourage good behavior with a reward system? You know, Modern Parent Magazine has an excellent article this month on disciplinary methods.
I can have my assistant make you a copy.
That's not necessary.
Look, we gave it a shot.
It just didn't work out.
You made a commitment to the Bowen children.
I'm gonna stop you there.
Foster parenting, by definition, is temporary.
Let me cut to the chase.
If you think you can kick those kids out and keep that big, old house, you can forget it.
That house belongs to my clients.
The children don't have a claim.
Without those children, your clients would still be slumming it in a two-bedroom teardown.
So you can either move out and let the Bowen children move back in or buy them an equivalent house.
We're done here.
Thank you for your time.
I'll see you in court.
What can I get you? I'll have a green [Burps.]
[ Clears throat .]
[ Chuckles .]
Excuse me.
I'm pregnant, and it's making me burp.
I'll have a caffeine-free green tea.
How often are you burping? The past 24 hours.
[ Burps .]
It pretty much hasn't stopped.
Hmm.
It's probably because you know what? - Never mind.
- What? It's nothing.
Nothing.
Please tell me what you were gonna say.
Well, my mother was a midwife, and she said when a pregnant woman is burping like you, it means she's having an evil baby.
What? I'm sorry, honey, but your baby is cursed.
Now, what can I get you to eat? I recommend the turkey burger.
It's free-range.
[ Gulps .]
In light of the serious nature of the charges, we're asking that the defendant be held without bail.
Your Honor, despite repeated requests, we still haven't been told what our client's been charged with.
As a matter of national security, we cannot disclose that.
Okay, in this country, you can't hold someone without probable cause.
I agree.
But for the record, the government hasn't shared the charges with me, either.
Should you wish to proceed, I demand to hear the evidence against the defendant.
Yes, Your Honor, the Government will establish our grounds for probable cause ex parte in a closed session in the SCIF.
Uh, excuse me.
What's a "SCIF"? It is a "Sensitive Compartmentalized" "Information Facility.
" Behind that door is a little room swept for bugs prior to every meeting.
Very well then.
We will continue in the SCIF.
Let's go.
I'm sorry, but you two are not allowed in the SCIF.
What? You don't have security clearance.
[ Door opens .]
[ Door closes .]
I need you to get this brief to the clerk.
No problem, Ms.
Kaswell.
Thanks.
Dave, by any chance, are you an artist? No.
Why? Let me guess.
You're writing a novel.
Nope.
Just love to read.
Okay, I give up.
What are your aspirations? My aspirations? Yeah, professionally.
What do you want to be doing? Well, I'm a temp, Kim.
I love my life.
No stress, in at 9:00, out at have enough time to do the things that I love hiking, snowboarding, reading a complete novel.
[ Chuckles .]
But you're wearing an expensive suit.
I mean, how does a temp afford something like that? Trust fund.
It was my brother's.
He's a lawyer and spends all his days stress-eating.
And thanks to his expanding waistline, I got his old wardrobe.
[ Chuckles softly .]
Okay.
Uh, well make sure the clerk gets that brief.
Are they ever going to come out of that room? They've been in there almost an hour.
You know, Susan, the judge seemed pretty reasonable.
So unless the Government has real cause, I I bet she'll let you go.
[ Door opens .]
I have reviewed the evidence, and I am ordering that Susan Peterson be held without bail until trial.
- No.
- On what grounds? I am not at liberty to say.
Your Honor, we're at least entitled to see - the charging document.
- Yes.
And I have instructed the AUSA to hand them over.
Thank you.
It's all blacked out.
Uh, except for "national security risk," "informant 6869," and "treason.
" It's redacted as a matter of national security.
At this point, I am ordering the guards to return the defendant to solitary.
No.
No.
Jane, help me.
[ Voice breaking .]
No, help me! Jane, please! Help me, Jane.
I'm innocent.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Burps .]
Stacy, did that come out of you? Unfortunately, yes, Owen.
Does evil run in your family? Uh, mostly neurosis and sluggish thyroids.
Evil, I don't recall.
What's going on? I can't stop burping, and my waitress told me that it means the baby is evil.
Now, I know that every child has its issues I've even set aside money for therapy but an evil baby? Huh? How do we prepare for that? I promise you, there is no such thing as an evil baby.
- Really? - Of course.
Now, I remember, my mother, she burped non-stop when she was pregnant with my brother.
Charlie? He was arrested for fraud.
- Bad example.
- Uh-huh.
Stacy, your baby is gonna be sweet and kind, just like you.
- I promise.
- Aw.
[ Giggles .]
[ Burps .]
Okay.
[ Both laugh .]
Impressive.
Mary and John Biltman leveraged the Bowen-family tragedy into a free home makeover.
The children have been exploited, and the Biltmans have been unjustly enriched.
Ms.
Kaswell, what remedy are you seeking? Disgorgement.
The Biltmans must turn over the house to the Bowen children.
Our hearts go out to the Bowen children, but the Biltmans don't owe them anything.
We would also accept monetary value of the home improvements $500,000.
The Bowen children do not have standing to sue.
The only contract here is between the producers of "Ultimate Home Do-over" and my clients, Mr.
and Mrs.
Biltman.
Her clients are simply not a party to this dispute.
- Is that true? - Well, the thing is Ms.
Kaswell, are your clients a party to the contract or not? No, Your Honor, b I'm sorry, but the kids have no claims against their former foster parents.
Case dismissed.
[ Gavel bangs .]
- Excuse me, Ms.
Kaswell.
- Yes? I'm Lily Bowen, the kids' grandmother.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
I appreciate everything that you're doing.
It just breaks my heart that I can't take in all my grandkids.
- But the city won't allow it.
- I understand.
And, Mrs.
Bowen, I want you to know that I'm not giving up.
Thank you.
My wife is not a terrorist.
Susan loves America.
On the Fourth of July, she runs the block party.
Her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.
What exactly is the government saying? The charging document suggests an informant turned her in.
We were hoping you would tell us who that might be.
I have no idea.
Is your wife involved in politics? [ Sighs .]
She won a highly contested election - for treasurer of the PTA.
- And what about you? Anything that could've attracted the government's interest? No.
Just a regular guy.
Have you and your wife traveled out of the country recently? Never.
We were planning a trip to Saudi Arabia.
Susan's friend got a job over there.
[ Door opens .]
Jake, why aren't you at school? I was worried about mom.
P people are saying she was arrested.
Mom was taken into custody this morning.
What? Dad, th th that that's crazy.
Yeah.
These lawyers are here to help her.
We're doing everything that we can.
Dad, where's the computer? The police took it.
[ Sighs .]
Jake's been working on a mobile app for almost a year.
All his coding is on the computer.
Is the computer Susan's? Well, she bought it, but we all use it.
Me for work, Jake for his homework and coding, Susan for committees and recipes.
Uh, Jake, can you give us a few minutes? Your mom made you a cake.
It's in the fridge.
Whatever they think she did, my mom didn't do it.
[ Sighs .]
Now, this may sound like a strange question, but what kind of cake was your wife baking when the house was raided? Yellow cake.
I don't know.
She found the recipe online.
Why? It's probably nothing, but "yellow cake" is a term used to describe uranium.
Um now, you said you work in landscaping.
Do you ever order fertilizer online? All the time.
Fertilizer can be used to make explosives.
Was Susan e-mailing with her friend in Saudi Arabia? Pretty much every day.
Okay.
Um, Alan, the government monitors Internet searches.
That's legal? The NSA can collect data to counter the threat of terrorism.
So Susan was probably flagged as a terrorist just based on the family's Internet search history.
See, the NSA might have assumed she was coding, buying fertilizer, using yellow cake, and to top it all off, she was sending e-mails to Saudi Arabia.
You know what? We need to get ahold of that computer.
Ah, the government would never release a [ Cellphone ringing .]
Hello? Yes? Oh, God.
Okay.
Y yeah, thanks for the call.
One of my vendors tried to cash a check.
The bank closed our account.
[ Sighs .]
The government must have put the bank on alert.
So, what? Level with me.
What happens next? We try to prove that your wife is innocent.
What if you can't? Well, the penalty for treason is death.
- Grayson.
- Good morning.
Could you come here? Question.
What do you think of Dave? - Who? - Dave.
The temp.
He gave me my messages and has a pleasant phone voice.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, that's not what I meant.
No way.
You have the hots for the temp? [ Clears throat .]
[ Chuckles .]
Motherhood must've altered your brain chemistry.
What's that supposed to mean? You date up.
You want to be with a man who elevates your stature.
You're one to talk.
You're dating a partner.
Hey, how's that going, by the way? Jane's not happy with the way I handled the Teri situation.
Come on.
You were just protecting the firm.
We fought, we almost made up, I called her irrational, she went ballistic.
Ooh.
You called her irrational? Well, at the time, she was.
Regardless, it's super demeaning.
- I'd be pissed, too.
- Excuse me.
Grayson, we have a meeting in the conference room.
Have fun.
Wait.
With who? I, uh, don't have it on my calendar.
Grabzilla.
They are the search engine on Susan's computer.
Ah, so they would have a history of all the searches.
Yep.
See, Owen has a friend on the board, and when he explained the situation, the C.
E.
O.
said he would come right over.
Uh, I'm so sorry about your client.
The NSA can be overzealous in their surveillance activities.
We believe that Susan's arrest was based on search terms used by multiple family members, and the combination of these search terms seemed suspicious.
But the only way we can prove that is to access the data.
Well, given the circumstances, I wish I could help you, but I can't.
Uh, Grabzilla's policy is never to release a user's history.
But these circumstances are unusual.
I'm sure you can see that.
Look, Mr.
Redmund, our firm is a loyal Grabzilla customer.
I mean, you run our mail client and our server farm, so Then you should understand why I can't honor your request.
As a customer, you trust us when we say "nondisclosure is the bedrock of our privacy policy.
" But these are our client's own searches.
We can only release personal data pursuant to a valid court order.
It's all spelled out in the user agreement.
Okay.
Well, if you need a court order, we will get a court order.
Just because we lost today, it doesn't mean that I'm done fighting for you guys.
But for now, the three of you will go back to your group homes, and Daisy will go back to live with grandma.
No, I don't want to go by myself.
Daisy doesn't like to be away from us.
[ Sighs .]
You know what? I refuse to let you be separated.
Thanks, but no one will take all of us.
So you'll stay here.
At least for tonight, anyway.
We'll get some sleeping bags and ice cream, movies.
It'll be like a big slumber party.
Would you like that, Daisy? Okay.
This hearing should be short.
We just need to get the judge to order Grabzilla to release your search history.
Mom? Mom?! No contact.
Sit.
Ms.
Bingum, let's get this started.
Yes.
Your Honor, we are seeking to compel Grabzilla to release Mrs.
Peterson's Internet search history.
Objection.
This is nothing but a fishing expedition.
You know, Mrs.
Peterson has the constitutional right to counsel, right? But, apparently, not the right to the information that landed her here in the first place.
So we're hoping to glean that information by analyzing the search history in the family computer.
The government opposes the request.
You know, it appears that the D.
O.
J.
would be content if I just stood here and did nothing, like a legal mannequin, if you will.
You see? I can stand like this all day.
Mr.
Sebell, what is Grabzilla's position on this matter? Your Honor, while we will not categorically oppose an order, we would like a little extra time to study the merits of releasing the data.
Two weeks just to be brief.
Your Honor, my client needs to be with her family.
Can you please expedite this process? All right.
Does tomorrow sound better? Yes.
N no.
No.
We'll need more time.
You're Grabzilla.
You have hundreds of in-house lawyers.
Use a few dozen if you need to.
Thank you.
I'm happy to babysit.
Watching four kids will be good practice - for the evil one I'm carrying.
- What? Nothing.
[ Giggles .]
I'm glad you called.
Oy, um, hey, kids? I'm gonna go now, but Stacy is gonna be here all night in case there's anything you need.
Just don't ask me to help you with your math homework.
[ Chuckles softly .]
[ Chuckles .]
Stacy? Oh, what is it, sweetie? Do you need a drink of water? Bedtime story? Dating advice? Am I ever gonna get my own room again? Um, you know, Kim is working on that.
But they promised me my own room.
They promised.
Who promised you your own room? The TV people.
The TV host told all of us that if we went on his show, - we'd get our own rooms.
- He promised.
And what happens to people who break their promises? They get in trouble.
That's right, Daisy.
They do.
Nighty night.
[ Burps .]
[ Laughter .]
Can you teach us how to do that? [ Chuckles .]
You don't want to know how.
[ Keyboard clacking .]
[ Sighs .]
Okay, 4:00 A.
M.
We've got five hours to finish the brief.
Okay, well, I just finished section six legislative history of the Patriot Act.
Where are you on congressional intent? Oh, it was a bear, but I'm done.
Great.
Would you mind writing up the table of authorities? - Sure.
- Okay.
But first, I want to apologize for calling you irrational.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
It's just that word, irrational it's just really demeaning.
That's exactly what Kim said.
You spoke to Kim about us? Yeah, we're friends.
Grayson, I don't want her in my personal business.
I'm surprised you wouldn't know that.
Well, for what it's worth, she agreed with you.
That's not the point.
You know what? Why don't we just work in silence? Jane.
I'm working.
[ Laptops beep, whir .]
What the hell? Yeah, my screen, uh, just went blank.
Yeah, mine, too.
[ Keyboard clacking .]
Oh, God.
No.
No.
No, no.
Okay, the brief is gone.
Hey, I spoke with I.
T.
They don't think it was a tech failure.
We were the victim of a malicious hack.
What? Someone remotely accessed the firm's servers.
Who would hack us? Someone who wants Susan to stay in jail.
The government.
Well, what about our briefs? Did I.
T.
retrieve the backups? Drives are scrambled.
They'll need at least 48 hours to get anything usable.
Well, then, we'll file this partial-handwritten brief.
I'll tell I.
T.
not to worry about recovery and let them focus on figuring out who hacked us.
Okay.
[ Sighs .]
All I want is my own room where me and my babies can sleep.
And we promise that you and each of your siblings will get your very own special room that's unique to your personality.
[ Monitor beeps .]
Your Honor, as evidenced by the video, there was an oral contract between the producers of "Ultimate Home Do-over" and the Bowen children.
On behalf of the producers of the show, I agree with Ms.
Kaswell's statement.
- You do? - Yes.
We promised each of those kids their own bedroom and each one of them got it, but then the Biltmans kicked them out.
It's reprehensible, but it's not our problem.
We delivered.
I'm sorry, Ms.
Kaswell, but Mr.
Hanson is right.
I don't deny there is a harm here, but the defendants have not breached their duty to the children.
If anything, Mr.
and Mrs.
Biltman fraudulently represented themselves to the production company.
And the production company would have a claim against them.
But, unfortunately, you do not.
[ Gavel bangs .]
- Mr.
Hanson.
- Yes? Just a heads up.
I think the public will be interested in what happened to the Bowen children after they appeared on your show, so I'm gonna hold a press conference to share what you just told the judge.
You know, that the orphans aren't your problem.
Is that a threat? No.
I think it's gonna be a great story.
"Children evicted from their dream home.
" "Producers stand by as they're sent back to foster care.
" There won't be a dry eye in the house.
What do you want, Ms.
Kaswell? There was a contract between the Biltmans and your clients, the producers of the show.
You heard the judge.
Your clients have a claim against them.
But we have no intention of suing the Biltmans.
You don't have to.
All you have to do is allow my clients to assert your clients' claim and collect your damages.
It's permissible under the law.
- Subrogation and assignment.
- That's right.
Allow my clients to stand in your clients' shoes.
[ Elevator dings .]
Hey.
How was court? Oh, uh, I lost, but I'm still in the game.
Good to hear.
I'm heading out to pick up something for Jane.
Do you need anything while I'm out? Nope.
Uh, I'm all good.
Dave.
Uh, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to cancel our date for tonight.
I figured.
You're buried in your case.
Uh, tomorrow or the next day is fine.
I'm free any night but Tuesday book club.
Right.
[ Sighs .]
Um, yeah, I just, uh I don't think going out is a very good idea.
I mean, when I said yes, I I didn't know you were a temp and And you don't date the help.
Well, Kim, I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't date the help.
So I guess we're on the same page.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go help.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
Grayson, so, I found this blogger.
He's a professor at M.
I.
T.
He said the government spends hundreds of millions of dollars a year on cyberwarfare.
- So if that's who hacked us - Jane, the government isn't behind the hack or Susan's arrest.
- I think it was Grabzilla.
- What? Yeah, I went through their annual report and their 2014 forecast.
Grabzilla said they'd be signing a $1-billion government contract at the end of the second quarter.
Now, there are no more specifics, because the program pertains to get this national security.
So they were probably beta-testing the software for the NSA when Susan got flagged.
Grabzilla wanted two weeks to review our request for her search history.
Now, the end of the second quarter is in 11 days.
My guess they want to make sure that contract gets signed before disclosing any flaws in the program.
And if we prove that Susan is innocent, it would expose the software flaws.
They'd be out a billion dollars.
Which is why they will do everything in their power to keep her behind bars.
[ Scoffs .]
Mr.
Redmund, isn't Grabzilla days away from signing a massive contract with the U.
S.
Government for a new software system? That's not news.
Government R&D is a growth area for my company, and we're happy to do our part to keep the country secure.
Okay, so, hypothetically speaking, if there were flaws in the software, you wouldn't want your buyer to know, right? And, certainly, after the "Affordable Care Act" website fiasco, you could not risk a whiff of program error.
Objection.
Inflammatory.
Overruled.
Mr.
Redmund, please answer.
I wouldn't hide anything from the government.
One final question.
Does the software system that you're selling to the government employ the same algorithm as the software that erroneously flagged Susan Peterson as a terrorist? I will not answer that question.
[ Chuckling .]
Oh.
Oh, ok you won't answer the question? Well, I think you just did.
Assuming that was an admission, is that the real reason you won't turn over my client's search history? I cannot answer on grounds of national security.
Oop, nope.
Sorry.
But as a private citizen, you can't invoke that protection.
In fact, only the AUSA can make that assertion, and I'm guessing [ Chuckling .]
Yeah.
Yeah, by the look on his face, he's very interested in your answer.
I am.
But I don't think that this is the right venue.
Well, you know, you could take Mr.
Redmund into the SCIF and force him to tell you the whole truth and nothing but.
There's no reason for me to testify in the SCIF, Ms.
Bingum.
Actually, I think that's a great idea.
As does the government.
Let's go.
Oh, Your Honor, uh, before you drag Mr.
Redmund into the SCIF, I think there's one other thing you have to do.
Of course.
I dismiss the complaint against Ms.
Peterson.
[ Sighs .]
You're free to go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So, the Bowen children don't have a case against the Biltmans.
Yes, I know.
I'm the one who explained that to you twice.
Your Honor, she's wasting the court's time.
I'm beginning to agree.
Five minutes and you'll never hear from me again.
I'm timing you.
The Bowens don't have a claim against the Biltmans, but, as you said earlier, the producers do.
The producers have signed their claim over to us, which means my clients now have standing.
[ Clears throat .]
Hmm.
Found your "in," Ms.
Kaswell.
The reason the Biltmans were chosen by the producers to appear on "Ultimate Home Do-over" was to give the Bowen children their dream home.
Well, the children no longer have that home, because the Biltmans kicked them out, which violates their contract.
Since the kids now stand in place of the producers, they absolutely have the right to sue.
She's bending the law, Your Honor.
Maybe so, but until now, your clients have been hiding behind it.
I suggest the Biltmans agree to pay the Bowen children the full improved value of the home.
Otherwise, if this case proceeds, I imagine that with damages, that number will continue to grow.
We don't have $500,000.
That's why we agreed to do the show in the first place.
Really? I thought it was for the children.
You know, if you can't pay, then why not sign the house over to the Bowen children? You can keep your remaining assets and avoid bankruptcy.
Ms.
Kaswell, the children are minors and need a legal guardian.
Of course.
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Um, the kids' loving grandmother is more than happy to step in and live with them.
What's it going to be, counselor? [ Indistinct whispering .]
We accept those terms.
Good.
We're done.
[ Burps .]
Stacy.
Mnh-mnh.
I need your opinion.
I saw an ad on Craigslist for a prenatal exorcist.
What do you think? Well, I don't know.
Are they licensed? Good question.
I have also started watching the first season of "Dexter.
" If my kid is gonna be a serial killer, I need to know what I'm in for.
Stace, it Oh, sweetie.
How are things going between you two? Not great.
You know, I mean, we can work together, no problem, but when it comes to basic human interaction, we seem to be off.
Even the first time around, you guys had bumps.
Do I dare mention the TiVo calamity of 2006? Do you know I still haven't seen the finale of "Malcolm in the Middle"? Uh, excuse me, Jane? I picked up your baby cake.
Do you want me to put it in your car? No.
Let's get a knife.
I want to cut it now.
Oh, but I thought we were gonna have a party at home.
Did you invite anyone? Sorry.
It's been a long day.
Eh, that's okay.
Let's just do it now.
I need to know if I'm having a Damian or a Cruella.
Okay.
Dave, you heard the pregnant lady.
Put the baby cake in the conference room, please.
Pink cake means that Stacy's having a girl, and blue is a boy.
Okay, here we go.
I'm cutting the baby cake.
Oh, it's pink! [ Gasps .]
A little girl.
And blue.
Oh, my God.
I'm having an evil half-boy/half-girl.
Stacy, pink and blue means you're having twins.
You're having a little girl and a little boy.
Evil twins? Oh, my God.
Enough.
There is no evil baby, okay? The twins are the reason you've been burping.
There's just not a lot of room in there, you know, and the air's got to come out somehow.
[ Chuckles .]
Oh, my God.
I'm having twins.
Normal, wonderful, not-evil twins.
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
[ Singsong voice .]
Who wants baby cake? Oh.
[ Knock on door .]
- Hey.
- Hey.
You left the party without a piece of cake.
[ Giggles .]
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
So, you're one virile guy, huh? Twins? Yeah.
Yeah, I got super sperm, huh? You okay? [ Exhales softly .]
I I, uh I don't know if I should be talking to you about this, but, uh, I mean, w we're friends, right? Yeah.
[ Exhales sharply .]
Yeah.
I'm, uh I'm respecting Stacy's wishes and and trying not to get close, but when she cut that cake it was, uh it was difficult.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I I can imagine.
I mean, they're your children, too.
No, it's it's not just about the kids.
It's it's her.
- Oh.
- I, uh [ Sighs .]
I can't I can't I can't help myself.
I I it's killing me that she just wants to be friends.
[ Groans .]
Well You know, you've respected Stacy's wishes, and that's really nice and it's dignified, but I say throw caution to the wind and make a move, you know? I I mean, I know you didn't really ask me, but I say go for it.
This cake is amazing.
Brought you a piece.
Oh, no, I really shouldn't.
- Why not? - It's empty calories.
Well, it tastes good.
It'll go right to my hips.
I like your hips.
I also like this cake.
Have one bite.
I promise that it won't kill you.
Mmm.
Oh, my God.
That is so good.
I haven't had white carbs since the baby was born.
You haven't done a lot of things since the baby was born.
You know, the thing about cake Hmm? I really like to eat dinner first.
Are you asking me out? I am.
But you don't date the help.
You really shouldn't correct your boss.
I'll make reservations.
Why don't I do that? You're off the clock.
[ Knock on door .]
Coming.
Hey.
I think we need to talk about what's going on between us.
I mean, Grayson, we're just so different now, you know, and it's a lot more complicated.
And it just seems that our relationship is off to a rocky start.
[ Exhales sharply .]
At least we can agree on something, right? Okay, you're not talking.
Um are you doing that thing that I used to do? Remember? We took that long weekend and I kept putting my foot in my mouth, so, finally, I was like, "I'm just not gonna speak for the rest of the evening," and at least we'll stop arguing, you know? Remember? Okay, you're still not talking.
What do you want to do tonight? Mm.