Black-ish (2014) s07e06 Episode Script

1
DRE: Black families have been
fighting to stay together
since the moment we landed
on these shores.
I'm luckier than most because
I'm surrounded by my family.
Three generations
spread over five bedrooms
and a guest house.
And now something is happening
that I never thought possible.
My parents are getting remarried.
And they're about to have
the pandemic wedding of their dreams.
POPS: Boy, move your big head!
You're blocking your mama.
How am I supposed to see
my beautiful, blushing bride
with your big head in the way?
Where's the broom, Dre?
I told you I want to jump
the broom this time.
Ruby, are you sure you should be
jumping over things at this age?
- Oh, baby.
- I'm just saying.
- Here you go, Mama.
- We have your safety
- Oh, baby.
- Hmm?
How about you get me a broom
Diahann Carroll would have
jumped on "Dynasty"?
[Pops laughs]
We gon' make sure
that we do all the traditions
- we missed the first time.
- Uh-huh.
Including keeping our vows.
That's right.
We gonna do a money dance,
and I'm gonna stomp on the glass
and get carried around
on a chair, like a Jewess.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like a what?
And then I'm gonna get everybody
to throw rice at us.
Actually, they're using bird seed now
because, uh, the birds' stomachs
explode with rice.
You think they're gonna explode
at the wedding?
Well, I mean, probably not.
Well, how about we not
[Bleep] with tradition?
Make it long grain. [Laughs]
Anything my baby wants!
Spare no expense, son.
Like everything else,
this wedding was going to look different
than it would have in the past.
Maybe we won't blow it out
quite the same way,
but that's okay,
because Pops and my mama will
have the most important people
standing there with them
- Hey
- their family.
What's happening, Baby Dre? [Laughs]
Norman! What you doing here?
What kind of man would I be
if I missed my baby brother's wedding?
Someone who listens
to CDC recommendations
about traveling during a pandemic.
Oh, man, please. You know
I don't listen to the government.
But I did get a negative Covid test.
Well, if that's the case
come on in, brother.
- You weren't invited.
- But I'm here.
I'll have the chicken breast.
You heard the man.
Put him down for the chicken breast.
- Chicken breast.
- Yeah! He's family!
- [Laughs]
- All right, baby.
- Good to see you, Norm!
- Oh, baby.
Oh, my goodness.
Pops may have been fine
with his brother showing up
out of the blue,
but I was still having some trouble
wrapping my head around it.
Oh. Dre, you okay?
You got that mid-'90s
"distracted O.J." face.
No.
My uncle Norman showed up to the wedding
that he wasn't invited to.
Ohhh. So you guys have invitations, huh?
I thought you just posted
a neon flyer to a lightpole
- telling people where the party was at.
- What?
I'd be happy if anybody in my family
surprised me with a visit
or a phone call or
You know what? Maybe just an e-mail
letting me know my Grammie had passed.
Okay, look, I don't need
an old man I barely know
showing up to my house
treating it like a hotel.
Just because I put out fresh linens
doesn't mean he gets to take advantage.
I don't understand, Dre.
I-I thought Black people were the ones
who claimed everybody
as their relatives.
You know, w-with your aunties
and your your play cousins
and whatnot.
First off, you haven't earned the right
to use the term "play cousins."
- My bad.
- And secondly, that's my problem.
My family is so big that
I don't need to pick up strays.
Plus, Pops' side of the family is huge.
I start opening up to anyone
named Johnson, pretty soon,
I'll have Dwayne The Rock
staying at my guest house.
[Chuckles] We are so on the same page.
None of my family's welcome in my house,
extended or otherwise.
Okay, I'm not saying never.
That's what happens when you're rich.
We all hate each other,
and everyone is trying
to cut each other
out of the inheritance.
You should've smothered your sister
when you had the chance, Daddy.
I know, pumpkin. I just
I-I didn't have the arm strength
when I was in nursery school.
Okay, I'm not smothering
my uncle, all right?
I just need to put my foot down.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dre.
Trust me death by stomping
is a lot of clean-up.
- What?
- Yeah, he's an expert.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'd listen to him, Dre.
Okay, why would I ask you
to make me a kente cloth wedding dress
without angel wings sewn on the back?!
- Right!
- Exactly.
You trying to make me look
like a fool, Dionne?
Mm-hmm. She is.
Don't let her play you, Grandma!
RAINBOW: What are you doing?
You know you're not supposed to
rile up your grandmother.
- Stop.
- But it's so easy.
I don't think Dionne made
those looks in "Black Is King,"
like she said she did.
This is the last thing I need.
I have to drop off a check
at the photographer,
pick up the programs from the printer.
I need to call the bakery to
confirm the cake for the wedding
and the erotic cake for the honeymoon.
Ruby, why don't you let me
take some of this stuff off your plate?
- You listen to me, Rainbow.
- I'm listening.
Earl put himself back on the grid
so we could spend the rest
of our lives together.
So I'm gonna give that man a wedding day
that is as perfect as his bride.
- Mm.
- So I need to control this
the way I need to control it, all right?
- Do you, boo.
- And and you just be grateful
that you're my baby's plus-one.
Wha Okay.
You can't be a plus-one
if you're hosting!
I'm hosting the wedding.
I still had no desire
to have Uncle Wedding Crasher
on my couch,
but I decided I could deal
with one guest for Pops.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey, son, great news.
- Hey.
Norman talked to Loretta
and some of the other cousins,
and it looks like they're all
coming out for the wedding, too.
- Cousins?
- Mm-hmm.
How many of the cousins?
Well, you never know,
but it's gonna be a party.
- [Chuckles] Bow?
- Yeah?
Can I, uh can I talk to you
upstairs for a second, babe?
- More people?
- Ohh.
What are we doing, turning our
house into Harpo's juke joint?
Okay.
Dre, I know
you're worried about the virus,
but we can have the wedding outside.
We can put up screens,
and everyone can sit
at a comfortable distance,
and it'll be like a megachurch overflow.
Okay, I'm not worried about the virus.
First, it was Norman, then it
was cousins I don't know.
When does it end?
We only have enough glasses for nine.
Dre, you can be the bigger man
and handle a very small imposition
for a couple of days!
Just a couple days!
You're right. It is his wedding.
- Yeah.
- It's a big house.
I probably won't even know they're here.
Exactly.
- [Toilet flushes]
- What's that?
- What is that?
- What
- [Gasps]
- [Sighs]
[Gasps]
Uh, y-you're out of soap.
Oh, hell no!
You gotta get out of my house.
Oh, come on, Dre.
A toilet's a toilet, man.
What you doing, son?
He's got to go, Pops.
Earl, talk some sense to your son.
And tell Loretta and them
to turn they asses around,
'cause they not welcome here, either.
Y-you know what?
I'm just gonna wait out here
until you figure this out.
Do that.
What?
I knew I was right to kick
my uncle out of the house.
I gave him an inch,
and he took a mile
Of my toilet paper.
What the hell's wrong with you, Dre?
Disrespecting your uncle
over a damn toilet?
I use that bathroom all the time!
- What?
- It's the nicest one in the house.
You got all them lotions
and hand creams up in there.
Listen, Dre, maybe Uncle Norman
did make himself too comfortable,
but I can't just let you kick him out.
Let me?
Man, are you forgetting who keeps you
in those stolen lotions and hand creams?
Look
I didn't think any of my family
was coming to this wedding,
and now that they're here,
I see how much it means.
They're the keepers
of the family stories, son.
They connect me to my parents,
my grandparents,
hell, even my own story
Who I was when I was growing up,
who I've become.
Andre, I know they all feel
like strangers to you.
Hell, half of them are strangers to me.
But I'm trying to make
a fresh start with your mother.
The least you could do is let me
have some of my people here with me.
Please.
Fine.
But they got to stay at a hotel.
Okay.
NORMAN: Yes!
I'm glad you got this settled.
Now can you let me in?
There's a neighbor
that's clearly calling the cops.
So, the family all came to L.A.,
and they all came
to the rehearsal dinner.
[Indistinct conversations, laughter]
Hey, hey, Unc. There you go.
Ooh, look at this giant square ice cube.
Earl, you come a long way.
[Both laugh]
You remember when Grandma had that party
and she sent us to buy a block
of ice from the ice man,
and we had to carry it back two miles?
It was so hot out there,
by the time we got it home,
Grandma was the only one
to get an ice cube.
[Both laugh]
Uncle Earl, you know
who this one looks like, right?
- Who?
- NORMAN: Yeah, you're right, John John.
- Right?
- Loretta, you got the family albums?
- Now, you know I do.
- You brought Mama's albums?
- Look at this.
- Yeah, there he is right there.
Look at him.
Hell, Pops, who is that?
That's my father's brother, Dre.
That's Ironhead Johnson.
Ah. Ironhead, huh?
He must have been one hell of a boxer.
No. It's one of those ironic nicknames.
He was known all over Tennessee
for his weak chin.
- [Laughs]
- Ah.
Matter of fact, one time,
he broke his jaw
putting on a turtleneck.
[Laughter]
Hearing these stories
and getting a taste of our history,
I was starting to come around
to Pops' way of seeing things.
Plus, it was making everybody so happy
to see my mom and Pops so happy.
Your grandparents are just so cute.
I'm still shocked that they can
be in the same room together
with sharp objects.
You know, when they met,
they weren't much older than us.
It's good to see love last.
I hope that's me someday.
Me too.
[Chuckles]
Oh, look.
Old folks trying to take selfies.
I'mma go help. They don't need
any more pictures of the sky.
Get in there. Yeah.
Grandma, turn the phone around.
Was that your girlfriend
you were just with?
Mm-hmm.
You two make such a beautiful couple.
Thank you, Auntie.
You know, the secret
is minimal sun exposure
and nightly skincare routines, yeah.
Looks like we'll be coming back
for another wedding soon.
No. [Chuckling] No. Come on.
- See?
- Hey!
Oh!
Junior Lockhart-Johnson Jr.
As Junior was seeing Olivia
in a new light,
I was seeing my family
in a new light, too.
I just wanted to let you know
everybody's talking about
how you sprang for
those fancy porta-potties.
- [Both laugh]
- Yeah.
You know how much I like
a nice bathroom.
Yeah, unfortunately, I do, Unc.
Mm. Yeah.
- You been doing well for yourself, huh?
- I'm trying.
Well, you know, my boy Ryon
just graduated from college
with a marketing degree.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Everybody loves him.
- If he just has a chance
- Okay.
then h-he could take it
and run with it.
All right, well, if he doesn't
mind starting from the bottom,
you know, I can see what we have
available at Stevens & Lido.
[Chuckling] You mean
you gonna get my baby boy a job?
Hey, hey, hey.
No promises, Unc, all right?
I don't even know
if we have anything available,
but I could put in a good word for him.
After all, we are family, right?
Yeah. Thank you, Dre, man.
- Oh.
- I really appreciate it.
- Oh, you got it, Unc. You got it.
- Really. Really.
[Earth, Wind & Fire's "Fantasy" plays]
- Hey, right.
- Oh.
- Okay.
- This is my music, man.
Shoot, man, I'm gonna do
my Philip Bailey imitation.
Let me hear it.
[Falsetto] Every man
- Ow!
- Oh, okay!
[Laughs] Okay, Unc.
In his heart, there's a space
And the world can't erase
his fantasies
Take a ride
Hey, Pops.
Hey, son.
This whole wedding
wouldn't even be happening
if it wasn't for you.
And having my family here
with me like this, it's like
It's like icing
on my second wedding cake.
It is pretty great, right, Pops?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, uh, I just want to say I'm sorry
for overreacting to Uncle Norman.
Did you know his youngest son
is interested in advertising?
- How you know that?
- Well, he told me he just graduated
and he's looking for a job,
so I told him
I'd see what I could do
at Stevens & Lido.
- He did, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hold my drink for me.
- Yeah, okay.
Our voices will
live together!
Till the twelfth of never
Hey Hey! Norman.
As
Did you tell Ryon to, uh,
hit Dre up about a job?
Oh, yeah, man. Yeah.
It's good that Dre can help, man.
Job market is rough out there, man.
It is, but you didn't need
to hit my son up about it.
Man, that's family, man.
That's what family does.
It is. Dre is your family,
but he is my son.
I need you to take your hand
out his pocket.
- My hand out of his pocket?!
- Yeah!
We didn't come here for a handout.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
Although it would have been nice
for Dre to at least negotiate
a family rate at the hotel
he's forcing us to stay at.
You know, the one
without a swimming pool.
Unlike the one here,
which he refuses to heat.
Okay, look, I'm not gonna
have y'all descend on my son
like a bunch of damn locusts.
- Hey, hey, Earl, Earl, Earl, Earl
- Y'all need to go!
No, you ain't got to go home,
but you got to get the hell out of here.
- [Gasps]
- Get. Go on. Everybody.
- B-but, Earl
- Get!
- Earl!
- Go on!
- Everybody!
- Well, screw you!
Everyone leave!
[Indistinct talking]
- Is he talking to me?
- Yes.
What
You ready to tell me what happened?
I mean, you were so excited
to have your people here.
I don't know, son.
I just got mad at the thought
of Norman showing up here to use you.
Family has a way of feeling
like they're entitled to your success,
and I wouldn't be
doing my job as a father
if I didn't protect you.
They're my problem, not yours.
Pops, you don't have to protect me.
Yes, I do.
You've worked so damn hard
for everything you have,
and I'm proud of that.
I'm not gonna let anyone,
not even my brother, mess with that.
You're proud of me.
'Course I'm proud of you, dummy.
I don't want people
asking you for a job or rent
or a college fund.
It's best to keep these things separate.
Okay, Pops, you've never really
said you were proud of me.
- I tell you all the time.
- Not really.
Dre, I just broke ties with my brother.
Can we please let this go?
Sorry.
Yeah, I just feel bad
that you're getting married
and you don't have your family here.
Nah, you were right.
My family's right here.
As long as the people that live
in this house are at the wedding,
I'm straight.
- Oh.
- Hmm?
And, uh, that "hand
in your pocket" thing?
- Yeah.
- That don't apply to me.
- Huh?
- I gave you life.
I'mma stay here till I die.
My parents' big day had finally arrived,
and it was going to be hard
for any of our guests
not to get caught up in the magic,
especially the hopeless romantics.
Mmm! You smell that?
Love is in the air.
No, that's the wildfires.
Okay, how can you guys be so cynical?
Today is all about love.
Mm. Pops is walking around
feeling like a million bucks.
Olivia is gonna look perfect
in her wedding dress.
Sorry Did you say "Olivia"?
No! No. No, no.
- No.
- Oh, God.
You have that dumb look on your
face, like when you found out
that weird guy from "Girls"
was in the new "Star Wars."
- Yeah.
- What?!
Everyone fantasizes
about what it would be like
when they marry Olivia
when they come to these things.
How are you still like this?
Bro, this is coming from me.
Don't do anything stupid.
I am just super happy
for Pops and Grandma.
- JACK: Okay.
- DIANE: Okay, cool.
Oh, my God.
She's here.
- DIANE: Okay.
- Oh, God.
He already lost.
Well, there is no point
in me meeting her now.
It's a shame. They were a cute couple.
But as lovely as everything was,
no wedding, no matter
how meticulously planned,
ever goes off without a hitch.
Miss me with that nonsense!
Ruby, who was that?
- A pastor
- Oh.
who didn't realize
you're asking for trouble
if you order take-out sea bass!
This is just what I feared, Rainbow.
The whole day is falling apart!
- Ohh.
- Who's gonna marry us now?!
Ruby, I can marry you and Pops.
You're ordained?
Well
By Jesus?
By
An online church that charges $45.
- Good enough.
- Yes!
Okay.
Got this!
Yeah, there was a lot going on,
but no one forgot what the day
was truly about
Pops and Mama were getting
their second chance at love,
and I couldn't have been
more happy for them.
I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is all right with me
'Cause you make me feel so brand-new
[Whispering] Take care of my mama.
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is
for us to be here today,
for Oh.
for all of us to be here today
to witness two very special people
reunite in matrimony.
And as an expression of the unique way
in which these two love each other,
Earl and Rubilene have elected
to write their own vows.
Well, as you all know,
I've never been one for the spotlight.
[Laughter]
So I'll keep this short.
I love this man
with all my heart and soul.
And I am blessed to be able
to spend the rest of my life with him.
Pops.
Rubilene Johnson.
Woman, I can't believe
I have lived long enough
to find my way back
into your arms again.
You have made me the man I am today.
I never knew I could be this happy.
[Gasps]
I'm truly, truly grateful.
Thank you, Black Jesus. Amen.
[Laughter]
By the power vested in me
by the Internet,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Again.
I told y'all he couldn't quit me.
[Laughs]
[Laughter and applause]
[Laughs]
[Luther Vandross'
"Never Too Much" plays]
Thank you, girl! Hey!
- Rainbow!
- Hey.
Thank you! You saved the day!
You know, I'm glad it was you
that married us.
- Aww. Ruby!
- [Laughs]
It was 100% my honor.
And let me tell you something.
You are not such a bad mother-in-law.
I love you, too.
[Both laugh]
There you go!
- Hey! $20?!
- [Laughs]
What am I, your work friend?
[Both laugh]
Come on, everybody! Let's dance!
- Hey!
- Come on, Earl!
hustle for another dollar?
I'd rather be with you 'cause you
Olivia Denise Lockhart,
these last six months have been
the best of my life.
No, stupid. You can't say that.
2020's been a horrible year.
Okay.
Olivia Denise Lockhart,
I'm so glad I've lived long enough
to find my way back into your arms.
No. Those are Pops' vows.
Junior
You're not ready.
What are you talking about?
That look in your eye
I had that same look with your mother
when I took her to a wedding
three months into dating her.
Really?
Mm-hmm. I get it, son.
But if you take anything
from your grandparents' story,
it's that you don't have to rush love.
- Oh, thank God.
- Mm.
- 'Cause I'm in way over my head.
- Mm-hmm.
There's not even a ring in this box.
I know. I had to buy you that suit.
And I just don't wanna stop
Family is messy.
Family is complicated.
But family is still family.
After seeing as many ups and
downs as my parents have had,
I should have known that by now.
In the end, it was a wedding
for the ages.
And that's a good thing,
because I'm never gonna do this again.
Olivia, come on over here.
I want you in the picture.
- Come on.
- Aww!
I want you in the picture, too,
but there's no pressure.
Junior, I never pass up an
opportunity to get my picture taken.
- Okay.
- [Chuckles]
- [Camera shutter clicking]
- Oh. Mm-hmm.
- Smile, baby.
- Got it.
All right, get a couple without her.
Oh.
Never know if it's gonna last, you know?
- Uh
- [Clears throat]
- Oh.
- No, no. No, no.
She's talking about me.
She did the same thing at my wedding.
Go ahead. Squish in.
I'll meet you at the bar, babe.
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm.
[Camera shutter clicking]