Rescue Me s07e09 Episode Script

Previously: I wrote some letters.
So I just thought maybe if I don't come home one night, they have something that tells them how I, you know I wrote one to Sheila because she's kind of pissed at me now.
And Needles, and, uh, you know, each one of the guys.
But nobody reads anything, you know.
"Dear Lou, you have been more of a brother to me than even my own blood brother.
" Okay, you wanna be a real father to this baby and not some sperm donor named Dad? Then you will get off that rig and into somewhere safe.
The greatest wedding gift that you guys could give us, would be if you guys renewed your wedding vows.
I also make a solemn promise to "Retire from active duty, "take a desk job downtown, a training job or any other job that will keep me out of harm's way for the sake of my family.
" We got ourselves a real problem.
Oh, shit! Lou, what's your position? We're on three.
We're in the middle of an arson, chief.
There's diesel fuel everywhere.
Holy shit! We hear the kids now.
We're heading in their direction.
You can't send them to the bulkhead.
It's like a furnace up there.
We don't have a choice, Sid.
They're not gonna leave those kids.
Goddamn door won't shut.
We're sitting on a powder keg here.
Urgent! Urgent! The bulkhead is bricked over.
Sixty-two has no means of egress.
- The structure is compromised.
- It is unstable.
Get off the goddamn roof now.
Go, Tom! Go! Sure? We'll be fine.
Trust me.
Hand salute.
About face! Today, we are gathered together to honor five men.
My men.
My brothers.
Five men who were given a choice.
To run.
To flee for safe ground.
To seek clean, fresh air.
Or to move deeper.
Knowing the danger.
Knowing that two young people, innocent kids, were crying out for help.
For my men to save them.
We all know which choice they made.
These men, these five extraordinary human beings will forever live in my heart and in the memory of all who knew them and in the public records of this great city as heroes.
The bravest of the brave.
I shed no tears.
I cry out not in agony.
I beseech the sky not in anger, but with pride in a voice that is strong and clear.
I am a better man, and we are all better people for having known them.
Good night, my dear friends, my five unforgettable brothers.
I shall see you on the other side.
* On another day C'mon, c'mon * * With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? * * Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone * * Things were good When we were young * * When my teeth bite down I can see the blood * * Of a thousand men Who have come and gone * * Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone * * Things were good When we were young * * Is it safe to stay? * * C'mon, c'mon * * Was it right to leave? * * C'mon, c'mon * * Will I ever learn? * * C'mon, c'mon * * C'mon, c'mon C'mon, c'mon * Hey.
Hey.
I know you're burnt, Tom.
We all are.
But, uh Couple things I'm gonna have to say, all right? Yeah.
As, uh, acting lieutenant, which is the role you assumed as senior man after Lou.
Mm-hm.
Look, there's gonna be a few things you have to do that you may not wanna do, all right? One is this locker situation.
The personal items.
I know.
I know.
I got it on my list.
Yeah.
It's just before we get some new guy shipped here, we should address that, because we need the space.
Got it.
Okay.
Second, and this is more important, is the CD15.
The blow-by-blow.
Headquarters is already barking at me.
It's standard procedure.
And I hate to do it to you, Tommy, but you're the only one that can tell them what happened.
They want it inch by inch, second by second.
Just the facts.
But I'll tell you one thing.
The fact that you rode that staircase down and you made it out of there alive, that's a miracle, my friend.
Yeah.
Doesn't feel like a miracle right now.
You, uh You all right? I don't know.
Listen, I'm gonna get started on the CD15.
You smell that? Smells like diesel fuel.
Yeah.
It sure does.
Hey, what's going on up here? - We're on three.
- We're in the middle of an arson, chief.
- Yo, fellas.
- We got ourselves a real problem.
- Shawn, save your air.
- Save your air, Frankie.
Whoa! Nielsy! Need a ride? - Hey, shut up.
- All right, hush.
Help us! - Goddamn it.
- You hear that? Yeah.
It's those kids.
All right, let's go.
Yeah.
Like we're not gonna come with you.
Deep breath.
Deep breath.
Yeah.
Deep breath.
Okay.
We're sitting on a powder keg down here.
Go, guys.
Go.
Let's go.
Keep Going.
Straight up.
Go, go, go.
Keep going.
Sixty-two has no means of egress.
Nielsy, I want you to get off that roof now.
The structure is compromised.
It is unstable.
Get off the goddamn roof now.
What do you wanna do, Lou? Go, Tom.
Go.
Sure? We'll be fine.
Trust me.
- Tommy! - Hey.
You all right? Yeah.
Franco.
Yeah.
You all right? Hey! Mike? - Lou? - We got you.
- Don't let me go.
- Ahh.
Don't let me go.
- Mikey move that! - It's gonna hurt.
All right.
Here we go.
Here he comes, Frankie.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
- Grab me.
- Hang on.
- Lou? - Easy, guys.
Lou? It's my leg.
Ahh, it's my leg.
- Hey, I got Lou, guys! - Tom! I think it's broken.
Yeah, my right leg.
I got you, brother.
I got you, bro.
Come on, man.
Oh, you fell down.
Come on.
Jesus Christ, you gotta lose some weight.
Frank.
You all right? Don't come over, guys.
Back off! You all right? Stay away! I was talking to Jessica today.
She told me that her parents let her and her sister Tiffany go out by themselves.
- So - Where to? Out in the city.
Oh, that is not happening.
Hello.
Hi.
Baby likes Twizzlers.
What are you smiling about? Nothing.
I can't just stand here and smile at my, uh, family? No.
It's not you.
Ha ha.
Okay.
Just for your information.
I have a major announcement to make.
What? I just put in my retirement papers.
Tom, are you? Baby! Oh, sweetie, thank you! Thank you! You're welcome.
This is for real? I think so.
Yeah.
Oh, I think Wyatt's so surprised that you're retiring that he actually pooped his pants.
Great.
I'll do it, Mom.
No, no, no.
Let this be the beginning of my stay-at-home.
Mr.
Mom excursion.
Great! Hold on, let me get my camera.
All right, big guy.
Daddy, that's right.
Tommy, I cannot believe this.
So you just told them today? Please.
Photo one.
Here we go, pal.
Hey, hey, hey.
If it isn't the ghosts of Christmas stupid together again.
How's the arm? Uh, sucks.
Three or four months of physical therapy.
Should be all right.
Did you get assigned yet? No.
Any day now.
Where will they put you? Man, I don't give a shit as long as it's not here, you know? You heard about Tommy? Yeah.
I heard.
Hey, look who it is.
Whoa, now.
Don't worry.
I got it.
Uhh.
Ohh, shit.
Yo, man, I don't see how crippled people do it.
But I can tell you I'm gonna be a hell of a lot nicer to gimps from now on.
For sure.
Yeah.
How much longer you stuck in that cast, B? Seven more goddamn weeks.
I'm going crazy man.
I'm thinking I gotta find a nice little Korean lady with little small fingers to get down here and get that itch, you know.
Or a baby.
Say what? Babies have small fingers.
Ooh, Korean babies.
Even smaller fingers.
Okay.
Enough! Seriously.
Till then, zip it.
Look, I don't even know if I'm staying.
What? Thinking about putting in for a transfer.
Something about this house.
It's haunted.
It doesn't feel the same.
Of course, it doesn't.
We had something going here, guys.
Seriously, something different, something special.
Yeah, well I'm actually thinking about quitting.
Quitting, really? You mean, like, you're out? Yeah, man.
Colleen, she just ain't thrilled about me being in F.
D.
N.
Y.
I mean, it was much better when Tommy was here because she felt like we had an eye on each other.
But now, man, that he's gone, which is another problem because after every huge fire he's gonna be hounding me for details.
Telling you the shit you did wrong, how he could've handled it better.
If you guys are all leaving, then I'm leaving, too, you know, but this time I'll find a house where they appreciate me.
You know? They don't treat me like an idiot.
A house where they appreciate me.
Just wanna find a house.
What can I say, boys? Fun while it lasted, right? Yeah.
All good things, huh? Yeah.
Why are you acting like this is final? I mean we're gonna see each other again, right? Lou's funeral, when we spread his ashes.
Yeah, Sean-o, good times.
Hey, you know what guys? I mean, this is what I'm gonna miss.
Right here.
I mean, us busting each other's balls around this table.
These were some of the best times, guys.
Yeah.
That's true.
Anything that involves balls is a good time for you, right? Balls and wedding dresses.
Hey guys, come on now.
This is the last time we're gonna inhabit the inner sanctum together.
Let's lay off of Mikey for once, okay? Thanks, Frank.
Yeah, no problem, man.
You can blow me later.
Hey! Come on, you just said you liked it.
Make up your mind.
Let's go.
- Hey! - Hey.
How'd it go? It was good.
Saw, uh, some geese on the pond.
Went around the park a couple times.
And I think he got some color.
That's good.
Yeah.
Uh, I'm not gonna bring him to the funeral.
I mean, the official F.
D.
N.
Y.
thing.
Just think it'd be too much.
There's too many people.
Too many suits.
You know? Just bring him to the ashes thing.
It's better.
Yeah.
That's what I'm thinking about.
How's the eulogy coming? Ha! I was a little freaked out about it.
And then I had this dream where it kind of came to me.
It was almost like, uh, I don't know, like Lou was behind it or something.
Maybe he was.
Um, want some water or something? I'd love some.
So You haven't been doing too much talking I mean, at least in front of me.
about Lou.
And I I know you don't wanna unload on Janet or any of the other guys.
So I just wanted to tell you that, you know, I'm here if you wanna vent or cry or Okay.
I, uh I put my papers in.
Oh! Oh, wow.
Well, that's fantastic.
Uh, so you You think that you're cut out for it, then, to be a lieutenant? No, not those papers.
Oh.
Yeah, right.
I was going to suggest a transfer.
Actually I think you've gotta get out of that house.
You gotta have fresh start.
I think that actually is a really good plan.
I'm retiring.
What's so funny? What? Hold please.
Oh.
You are going to need this.
And this.
Not funny.
And I think maybe this.
What, are you nuts? Are you nuts? How long do you think it'll be before you're gnawing off your fingers, sitting around that apartment? Jesus Christ.
This is how you react to Lou biting it? Okay.
Okay.
You know what What? He bit it.
He bit it like Jimmy bit it and Damian bit it and The only difference is, Jimmy and Lou took a bigger bite.
What? I have had you in my hands.
I have had you deep inside me.
I have felt every urge.
Ahh.
Every pulse.
Hey! Ow.
Every wish.
Anytime they occurred.
I know who you are, and I know what you are.
You need two things to survive.
Sex and fire.
One's no good without the other.
Where you going? I am going to the playground with my kids.
Because I am Super Dad.
Oh, yeah.
Don't forget your medicine.
Bye! Bye! So what do we do? We watch Wyatt play in the sandbox.
And that's it? Yeah.
And we tell him not to eat the sand.
Oh.
That should be pretty easy.
Listen, big guy, hey.
Big guy.
No eating the sand.
Let's wait until he does it, okay? Oh, okay.
Dad, you need to relax.
I'm relaxed.
He'll play in the sandbox.
And then he'll play with his toy and his shovel.
And then maybe he'll go on the swings for a little bit.
It's easy.
We just have to watch him.
I don't know about the swings.
Look at them.
Those look pretty dangerous.
Dad.
Honey, he could fall off there and split his head open.
Dad, please, go sit down and watch.
I'll do this.
Okay? Sure? I'm sure.
Go sit down.
All right.
I don't like the look of them swings.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Jeff.
Hey.
Tommy.
You, uh, new here? Uh, yeah.
Good.
It's good to have a new guy.
It's good to have another guy.
Yeah.
Most Mostly women here.
It's all women actually.
Nannies, moms.
Be good to get some more guys.
Get the penis count up.
Don't say penis.
There's kids.
Right.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Katy, I don't want him! Shh.
Tommy, don't yell.
It upsets the children.
Sorry.
Just, my son Just Shh.
It's okay.
How about them Yankees? Did you see the game last night? No.
My wife's book club was over.
There's no TV on book-club nights.
You don't have a backup, uh, TV in the bedroom? There's no on book-club nights.
You could always sneak out to a bar.
Sneak out? That's funny.
Hey, what's going on over there? Use the blue shovel.
When Madison's done, it's Tiffany's turn.
Oh, Marsha's just enforcing the sharing rule.
Enforcing? Everybody has to learn how to share.
That's my son's shovel and pail.
We brought those.
No.
That's everyone's shovel and pail.
Well, everyone's gonna have to chip in about 18 bucks, because that's how much they cost.
Excuse me.
Brittany, it's Madison's turn to use the blue shovel.
When Madison's done, then it's Tiffany's turn.
When Tiffany's done, then it's your turn to use the blue shovel.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
That's my son's, uh, shovel and pail.
Oh, where's your son? He's on the swings right now.
Well, he can't use the shovel on a swing, now, can he, heh? Well, no.
But he may be done swinging soon.
Then he's gonna wanna do some shoveling.
It doesn't work that way here.
It doesn't work that way here, Tommy.
This is a sharing playground.
And each of the kids gets equal time with each of the toys that's brought here.
Madison gets the blue shovel, then Tiffany, then Brittany.
What's Wyatt gonna do when he Your son's name is Wyatt? Yes.
Interesting name.
Wyatt gets to play with the blue shovel at home all the time.
Tiffany brought a tea cup.
Madison brought a horsey.
And Brittany brought a princess purse.
Wyatt's welcome to play with any of those toys.
Ah, well, Wyatt's a boy.
He doesn't like girl toys.
We don't discriminate based on gender here.
Maybe Wyatt needs to get a little more in touch with his feminine side.
Wyatt doesn't have a feminine side.
Can I just say something else, by the way? Tiffany is the name of a store.
And Madison is the name of an avenue.
Okay? And Brittany is the name of a slut.
Hey! Watch your language.
He said "penis" before.
What's wrong with you? I was wondering about my son's shovel.
What's going on? He doesn't wanna follow the sharing rule.
He's new.
Give him the benefit of the doubt.
Thank you.
He called your daughter a whore.
What? "Slut.
" I said "slut.
" But let me explain.
Do you have a child here, or are you just some kind of a perv? I have a kid here.
What's with your face? Yeah.
What's with your face? What happened to it? I was gonna ask the same thing.
I was in a fight at a playground.
How does that sound? I'm calling the police.
I'm already dialing.
You kidding? Maybe you should leave.
I'm not leaving.
This is a public park.
You people don't own this.
Hi.
This is Jeff Martson.
I'm at Bryce Park.
There is a man here saying the word "penis" in front of the children.
I said that before and it wasn't It was Hey, penis! How's that? Yeah, I did say it.
Did you hear that? Here's another word.
Ready? Vagina! How's that? Katy, let's go.
We're leaving.
Let's go.
This is unbelievable.
And I'm taking that blue shovel.
Madison is using the shovel.
When she's done, you can.
Oh, really? Guess what? Vagina! I'm getting that shovel.
You kidding me? Hey.
Hey.
Yeah? Well, good luck with those kids once you Yeah.
Whatever.
Well.
I guess we can never go back there again.
Who would wanna go back there? That's ridiculous.
Sandbox rules? A sandbox is just sand and kids and toys.
There's no rules.
Look, Dad, there's an established social structure in that playground.
You can't just walk in there and impose your own world view and value system on that structure.
Are you secretly going to commie school? What are you talking about? You know what I'm saying.
You wanna talk about imposing? Let me tell you something.
Those people That's not, you know This is America.
Okay? When I buy the blue shovel, okay, I have the freedom of choice about who I share the blue shovel with.
Okay? And if you want the blue shovel, you're gonna have to pry the blue shovel What? Oh, my God.
What? I don't think this is gonna work.
What's not gonna work? You in the real world.
This is the real world.
That's what I'm saying! The blue This is the real world.
The blue shovel, and I got I think they're coming.
Where'd you go? You know, this is it, guys.
All those years, all those calls.
This is the last time we're gonna be on the road together, the core crew.
Yeah, including Lou.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Including Lou.
Whatever's left of him in that box back there.
I mean, hey, I don't mean to get sentimental or anything, but this is a moment you gotta acknowledge.
It's like the end of an era.
Something.
People passing by, they look in this truck.
They just see five schmucks.
But all the shit we've seen, stuff we've done.
They have no idea.
It's profound.
What's, uh What's with the gum? That's your response to what I just had to say? I, uh, actually didn't hear what you said because of all the snapping and the popping and the grinding of your jaws, like you're some kind of killing machine.
Okay.
I mean, it's so loud, it's like I'm getting it in stereo.
That's because I'm not the only one chewing gum okay, genius? Black Shawn's got some too! Oh, great.
Throw me under the goddamn gum bus.
Guess what? This ain't a gum bus.
So both of you spit it out.
Why don't you go ahead and tell us, what's the problem? Here's my problem.
You're always chewing on something.
A mint or a toothpick or gum or a cigarette.
I never see you chewing food.
It's always toothpicks.
Toothpicks were invented so you could pick residual food out of your teeth when you were done eating.
You're not supposed to eat the actual toothpicks.
Is there a point anywhere in here? Yeah.
Everybody stop chewing your gum out loud, chew it quietly, shut up, and think about Lou! Fine by me.
Christ.
I wanna look inside the box, guys.
What's wrong with you! I do too.
I'm just saying I'm interested.
Yeah, after all these years as a firefighter, what else would you wanna do but stare into a box of ashes and bone fragments? That makes a lot of sense.
It does, Frank.
I'm gonna die someday.
And Could you give us a particular time on that event? I'm thinking of getting cremated.
But the only thing that bothers me is I don't really know what that is.
So, I'm thinking maybe if I just take a little peek, I could get some comfort, you know? You're not opening the box.
Why not? Because I just said.
It's my best friend in there and your superior officer, okay? I don't want you poking around in the ashes like it's some kind of Zen garden with a little rake or something.
All right, enough with the gum! Spit it out! Fine! Fine! [ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY Oh, my God.
God.
Oh, my God.
It's like Lou-Maggedon.
Guys, come over by the box.
Get it into the box.
God, this is disgusting.
I'm covered in Lou.
I got Lou up my nose.
I definitely swallowed some Lou.
That's nothing.
I got half a pound of Lou down my ass crack.
I thought I shit myself when that thing blew.
Now I'm pretty sure it's Lou.
Either that or a Lou-shit combination.
You had to open the box.
Ah, it's not just my fault.
I mean, these guys opened their windows and created a vortex.
Okay.
We'll ignore the fact that you used "vortex" correctly in a sentence.
But I just wanna point out that we have about 40 people waiting on a cliff someplace to spread Lou's ashes, which we no longer have enough of.
Yeah, like this isn't even Lou's leg.
I say we burn up Mike and put his ashes in a box.
First of all, we don't have time.
Second of all, we don't have an accelerant.
Otherwise he'd already be on fire.
Maybe we could get some dirt and mix it up in there.
What did I just say? I said we have to spread his ashes.
We have to spread them out lightly on the breeze so that they disappear, not land in a goddamn clump two feet away.
Oh, I got a better idea.
Why don't we mix in some hay and grass and shit? And tell people what? That he believed in reincarnation, and he came back as a goddamn bird's nest? Listen up, guys.
We passed a store a few miles back.
I'm sure we can find something there.
Oh, yeah, maybe they sell Lou Helper.
You got a better suggestion? You know what? It's not a bad idea.
We're gonna go back to the store.
We're gonna find something light and fluffy that we can mix in.
In the meantime, we're gonna need all the Lou we can get.
Including that ass-crack ash.
Break it out right now.
Right.
Like I'm just gonna drop trou right here on the side of the road? You know, there's a lot of ways I wanted to remember Lou.
This is not one of them.
Oh, sh-sh-shit! Guys, hey, guys.
Tell this guy I'm not taking a shit.
Guys, Hey! Hi.
Sir I'm not pooping.
Step away from the box, please.
"And the old earth must die.
"So let the warm winds range "and the blue wave beat the shore.
"For eve and morn, ye will never see through eternity.
"All things were born.
Ye will come never more, for all things must die.
" Before we release Lou's remains to the wind and the sea, let's take this final moment to share any thoughts we might have had about him or what he meant to us.
Anybody? He was kind.
That's what I'm gonna remember.
Lou, he always treated me with respect.
He never treated me like I was his best friend's messed-up sister.
I wasn't someone he had to endure, you know? He always treated me like I was a lady.
I'm gonna miss that.
He was a great lieutenant.
Truly.
I'm gonna be wearing a blue shirt pretty soon, but I'll never be half the leader that Lou was.
He taught me a lot.
I'm gonna miss him.
He had a big heart.
He loved life.
And cake.
He was a hell of a firefighter.
God knows he loved to eat.
He had an encyclopedic memory of porn.
Well, you couldn't stump the guy.
Lithuanian midget porn? He'd rattle off half a dozen titles without batting an eye.
Uncanny.
Well, he took my "big heart" line.
Yeah.
This was my fault.
Anybody else? Tom? Well, I Don't really have a lot to say.
But, fortunately, Lou does.
He left this letter, uh, in my locker with specific instructions on the front for it not to be opened until after he died.
And unlike some people we know, I actually obeyed the instructions.
So, here goes.
"Dear Tom.
" "If you're reading this, it probably means I'm dead.
"It might have come as a shock to you, "but I'll tell you now.
"I was living on borrowed time.
"My heart went bad a while back.
"I won't bore you with the details.
"But at this stage of the game, I'll be lucky if I finish "this goddamn letter.
"If it wasn't my ticker that did me in, "please tell me I died after eating 15 pizzas, "or during sex with either multiple women or one really big one.
" "Either way that works for me.
"But seriously, I hope I went on the job "doing the work I was meant to do "surrounded by you and the guys.
"Since it was mostly about food with me, "I'm gonna leave you guys with a recipe.
"Take one self-absorbed pretty-boy Puerto Rican.
Add one 'long on attitude, short on experience' black guy.
" "Then add two morons, "one more stupid than the other.
"Mix together and let sit.
"Then finally, add one battle-scarred, haunted, "formerly drunken Irish asshole, who screws up his life like other people breathe.
" "Blend all ingredients together, "turn on fire, and hope for the best.
"Sounds like shit, doesn't it? "Well, brother, I've tasted it.
"I've eaten it up these last few years, and it's delicious.
"Okay, cornball, I know.
"But you guys together, you have something great.
"Me being gone doesn't change that.
"Find yourself another good-looking, "slightly overweight, spoiler of women, "and you're back at full strength.
"Keep the crew together and keep fighting the fight.
"Don't worry about me, Tom.
I had a good life.
"I knew brotherhood.
"I knew being good at something.
"I knew what it meant to have a friend.
"Yeah, we had our ups and downs.
"We're in a major down mode at the moment, but with you, "the ups are good enough, I'll take the downs.
I love you, Tom.
" "Not in that way.
Okay, maybe a little that way.
" "I'll always be with you.
Your pal, Lou.
"P.
S.
Don't forget "what the bagpipers are supposed to play.
"If you mess up, I promise I'll haunt you forever, asshole.
" Anybody else? Is that? "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," yeah.
That's what he wanted.
What? What the hell was that? Just me throwing the ashes.
I've done this.
Those ain't ashes.
You don't wanna know.
Seriously.
Is that chocolate? Well, Lou did eat a lot of chocolate.
Tom.
It's Duncan Hines Red Velvet Cake Mix.
We had an accident on the way up.
We had to pad Lou out a little bit.
Chocolate cake mix was the best you could do? Jesus Christ.
What? Ashes are gray.
I know ashes are gray.
You don't have to tell me.
You don't think I looked for gray food? There's no gray food.
There's no gray food in that store.
They don't make gray food.
Can? Never mind.
Let's just get the hell out of here.
Between the heat, the water and cake mix, you have a Betty Crocker of a tidal wave in no time.
Uhh End of the road, huh, Tom? Yep.
Yeah.
Not sure what he meant by "long on attitude," but I'm gonna miss Lou.
Hey, pal.
Hey.
Yeah.
I gotta tell you.
Should have gone with the fluffy yellow instead of the red velvet.
Big mistake, you know.
Huge mistake.
Really.
It's not a good time? Yeah.
I got it.
All right.
Hey.
Hey, kid.
All right.
All right.
Let's just All right, everybody.
Home sweet home.
So, what do you think, uh, pizza? Yeah.
Pineapple pizza.
Pineapple? - Yeah.
It's her new thing.
- Hawaiian-style.
There's a place that has it down the street.
Damn, what's next, orange pizza? They have a citrus one.
Lemon and lemon-pomegranate.
Pomegranate? Who the hell's making these pies, Ricky Goddamn Martin? I want pepperoni.
Pepperoni! That's my girl.
Keeping it old-school.
That's why I love you.
Well, I'm starved.
So, what do we have to do? We call it in, or we gotta go down and get it? Tommy? Yeah, honey, I know.
Extra cheese.
She wants extra cheese.
I don't think they make a Twizzler pizza yet, hon.
- Gross.
- Tommy? - Yeah, hon? - Yeah, I need you to come in here now please.
Yeah, hon.
I need the number.
Colleen's got it.
What's going on? Ooh.
You don't want pizza.
I'm having the baby.
O-o-okay, do you think that you have the strength to make it down to the truck? Tommy, I'm having the baby now.
Are you sure? Why don't you lift up my skirt and ask the baby yourself? Ugh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! All right! Relax! You know, them I can understand.
But you, you're a firefighter.
Okay? That's not it, Tom.
It's just that I'm gonna have to deliver my wife's mama's baby.
You ain't doing it, okay.
Because you're gonna pass out in two seconds.
Everybody shut up! Okay? I am not gonna pass out! This is what I need, okay? Colleen, get me a giant pot of water, and boil it.
Okay.
You're gonna get me a pair of scissors.
All right, go.
Katy, get me some towels.
Towels.
While you're in the bathroom, my toolbox is in there.
Get a ball of string out of it.
Cut off a couple of long pieces of string.
Put the string and the scissors into the boiling water.
Okay, honey, here we go.
Okay, justdown here.
Oh, God.
Hang on.
All right, is that good? Good? Move back, okay.
Got it.
Back up.
Further.
Leave the room? Stay? Stop talking! Okay.
Shh! Got it.
Holy shit! I'm gonna need a catcher's mitt.
This is happening right now.
Kids, get in here.
Everybody get in here.
Here we go.
- Mom, are you? - Whoa! Shit! Here we go.
All right, honey.
Just give me a couple of quick pushes.
Holy shit, it's coming! Stop saying "shit.
" Okay, stop saying "shit.
" - Holy shit! - Here it comes.
Okay, honey.
Here it comes.
Ooh! Tommy! Here it comes.
Okay, honey.
Here it comes.
Oh, yeah.
A little harder, honey, okay.
Tommy! Ugh! Oh, my God! It's deformed! Deformed! Wait, wait, wait! It's okay.
It's just the penis.
Ha, ha.
Yes, it's a penis.
Oh, it's a boy.
Oh, God.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, my God.
It's a boy! - Oh, show me.
Let me see.
- Okay.
All right.
Ugh.
Yeah! Oh, my God! It's a boy.
Hi.
There.
We've been waiting for you.
Ah, look at him.
Aww.
Little Lou.
Lou? What? Well, you just said "Lou.
" I guess I was just thinking because, you know, one guy died and the other guy just got here.
Alexander.
What? Yeah.
Hi, Alexander.
Oh, no, no, honey.
No, no.
No.
Uh No, Alexander's too faggy.
Phillip then.
Phillip? Fag.
Worse than Alexander.
Joshua.
Ugh, Jew fag.
Honey, come on.
Oh, my God, Tommy.
My baby has been here less than a minute, and he's already heard the word "fag" three times.
Four.
Our baby.
Our Me, you.
Yeah.
Our baby.
Oh, Tommy, look at him.
He's so beautiful.
Oh, my God.
And you delivered him.
Oh, my God.
I almost forgot.
I did.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm so proud of you.
- Wow.
- Wow, Dad.
Unbelievable.
You did it, Tom.
Way to go, man.
Oh, Dad, should I got get the scissors and the string? Yes.
That's right.
I want you to get the scissors, and get Oh, baby's so sweet.
Get in there.
So cute.
Baby brother.
Ha, ha.
My baby brother.
All right, he's waking up.
Maybe we should get him some Advil.
What happened? What do you mean, what happened, slick? You couldn't even deliver your own son without taking a carpet dive, man.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Oh, my God, look at him.
Well, say hello to your new son, Shea Gavin.
Wow.
Tommy, I hate the name Lou.
It sounds old and like he's a mechanic.
And Ken doesn't work.
But Shea.
I mean, Shea's cool.
Yeah, Shea Gavin.
Kind of sounds like a singer.
Yeah.
Or a quarterback.
You know what? I'm hungry.
So maybe we should go ahead and order those pizzas before the EMTs get here, right? Yeah.
Hmm.
Hey, Shawn, do me a favor and don't mention the whole fainting thing to the guys.
Let's get those pizzas.
He already told them, didn't he? Actually, I called Needles.
Look, Tommy, I really think you gotta go back to 62 Truck.
I do.
Katy told me what happened at the playground.
What you said to her and what she said to you.
Baby, I love you so much.
And I am so happy that we are still together with this baby.
But if you stick around here much longer, I'm gonna kill you.
Got it.
You are staring at the names of 343 heroes.
Three hundred forty-three American heroes.
Three hundred forty-three men who ran in while the entire world stood watching and waiting.
First responders on the front line of a war that may never end.
I want you to stare at these names.
I want you to memorize them.
Go home tonight.
Get on the Internet and look up these names.
Find out who these men were and what they did on that day.
And then you'll realize: This ain't a job.
It ain't an occupation.
It's a calling.
A need.
A desire that you feel in your bones and your brains and your nut-sack.
What's so funny, asshole? The The nut-sack thing, sir.
The what? The nut-sack thing.
Sir, I Aaah! Did I ask you another question? Anybody else? I didn't think so.
I know you assholes have passed a written test and you passed a physical test.
But that don't mean nothing.
Just a bunch of civil-servant bullshit! Because the real test of whether you're a chicken shit or not will come the day you get to do what these men behind me did.
Because if you're lucky, one day soon, you'll get to run into a burning building while everybody else is running out.
And you'll take the stairs.
Two at a time.
With steel in your eyes and ice water in your veins.
And you'll come back down with a civilian on each shoulder.
And instead of puking or crying or pissing your pants, you'll wipe your brow and run right the hell back in.
That's the day, that's the moment you're gonna find out if you're a real firefighter or just one more asshole who bit off more than he could chew.
Because maybe one day, you run in and the guy you ran in with, your buddy, your best friend, cousin, your brother, maybe you come out, but he don't.
Because he got crushed or incinerated or burned to a crisp.
And you're gonna ask yourself why did I walk away, but not him? I'll tell you one thing the answer to that question is not at the bottom of a bottle.
You can't drink or fight or screw your way to figuring out the answer to that question.
People die.
We're firefighters.
We die a lot.
I lost my buddy, my best friend, my cousin, my brother.
Some people say it's God's will.
I don't know.
I don't even know if there is a God.
I hope there is.
Because that would mean one day all this shit is gonna make some sense.
That's all I got for you assholes.
I'm gonna turn you over to one of my brothers right now, my new commanding officer, Lt.
Franco Rivera.
Good luck, douche bags.
All right, you scumbags, listen up and listen good.
These are some names you are never, ever gonna wanna forget.
I am going to assign three names You know, you're gonna have to get that fat kid as a new probie, right? I mean, none of you assholes can cook.
Looks like the kid knows his way around food.
You know, you could have mentioned me by name out there.
You're talking about heroes and brothers, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, and one more thing, you know, when you pick a photo of me for the plaque you know, in the firehouse, can you find something that doesn't make me look so chinny.
You know Chinny? Yeah.
Get one from, you know, when I was younger and thinner.
When? When would that be? Like freshman year in high school.
Really? Yeah, I was a buck 10.
Yeah, maybe at birth.
You know, that's no way to talk to the dead.
But I'm gonna let it slide since you named my godson Shea Gavin.
Pretty cool.
Very cool.
Great name for a restaurant.
Or a quarterback.
I'm gonna go restaurant.
You gonna sit here staring at me all day, or we gonna drive someplace? Oh, right.
Right.
Yeah.
Duncan Hines cake mix, huh? Well, I guess that's kind of symbolic or ironic.
Not quite sure which.
Anderson, your three names of remembrance are Capt.
Ryan Hickey, Lt.
Timothy Higgins, and firefighter Jonathan Hohman.
Black, your three names.
Firefighter Thomas Holohan, firefighter Joseph Hunter * I heard a siren From the docks * * Saw a train Set the night on fire * * I smelled the spring On the smoky wind * * Dirty old town * * Dirty old town * * I'm gonna make Me a big sharp axe * * Shining steel Tempered in the fire * * Will chop you down Like an old dead tree * * Dirty old town * * Dirty old town *