Black-ish (2014) s07e20 Episode Script

When my parents got back together,
I was certain it would mean the end
of my relationship with Pops.
Yet, somehow, our bond got stronger.
We started spending time
together in ways we never had,
really getting to understand each
other as two grown Black men.
Most shocking is that I actually
trust my Pops with my life.
He's a man I can go to with anything.
Even things I wouldn't
bring up to my mom.
Your daddy says you can't sneeze
without leaking a little bit.
- What?
- This tighten it right up.
Oh my God.
My Pops is a snitch!
I have a buddy who's
an excellent urologist.
I don't need no damn urologist.
You're missing the important
part of the story.
I had a conversation with my father
an intimate conversation
about aging and manhood
and he violated my trust.
- Mm.
- And also,
no way you have a buddy.
You're right. He's just my urologist.
Dre, you've been avoiding
it your whole life,
but it's time to tape up your
fists and fight your father.
- What?
- I don't like the fact
that your pops is
respectfully, Dre
- running his mouth.
- Mm.
He knows some fairly
intimate details about me,
on account that we share both
a barber and a chicken joint.
Nobody cares about your weird
little secrets, Charlie.
Mm
I'm lucky it's just about
this stupid medication.
What if I was really going
through something, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- What if I told him
I was thinking about leaving my wife?
Are you?
Of course not!
- Oh.
- But if I told my stool pigeon father,
he would tell my mama,
and then my mama would tell Bow.
Then, all of a sudden, I come home,
and all of Bow's things are packed.
That is a violation.
Is it really, Dre?
Don't you tell your mother everything?
I go to my mother with emotional things.
And then I go to my father
with the man-to-man things.
I don't need those two things mixing.
You made the foolish mistake
of trusting a man in love.
Never trust a man in love,
and you can trust me on that
'cause I've never, ever been loved.
Dre, the bottom line
You cannot tell your father
anything ever again.
We are finally in a good place.
You know what?
I just need to talk to him
about keeping the things
we talk about between us.
That being said, I am
working from home today.
All right. Be safe.
I'm gonna work from home today, too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie.
You know the rule.
Only one Black guy can be
out of the office at a time.
Just in case one of those kids comes by
trying to sell us chocolates
for his basketball team.
Follow me.
- Ah.
- Ta-da! What?!
We decided to get a brand-new car
because we have some
brand-newly permitted drivers!
Okay! She cute! Where's Jack's?
Oh, no.
This car is for both of you.
You guys shared a womb.
You can share a car.
- Okay, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
I can I can live with that,
'cause you know what?
Mm?
- I smell freedom.
- Ooh, I smell it, too.
- Mm.
- I feel the wind flying through my braids.
- Mm.
- The percussion of rubber meets road.
- Mm.
- The erratic sounds
- of the law at my heels.
- Mm.
But they can't get me.
- Mnh-mnh.
- What
- They'll never get me.
- Mnh-mnh.
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, nothing.
Come on, Jack. Let's go check it out.
Can you believe they're 15 already?
Feels like just yesterday I
was changing their diapers.
I don't think you did that.
Hey, can I make one little request?
- Whatever you do
- Hmm?
do not let Dad teach them to drive.
What the hell are you doing?!
I thought I had it!
Back up! Back up!
Don't back up!
Aah!
Those scars will never heal.
I had no idea how traumatized you were.
Why have you never told me this?
I don't know. I guess it's just
some big American tradition
that everyone experiences, you know?
Dad teaches kid to drive.
Dad traumatizes kid.
Kid eventually learns to drive
without having a panic attack.
Mnh, mnh, mnh.
Leave it to your father to
take a meaningful milestone
and turn it into an opportunity
to scar his children.
Why is it always the dad
that gets to teach the kids
- to drive, huh? You know what?
- Mnh-mnh.
Maybe I should teach
Jack and Diane to drive.
That is brilliant.
- Hmm.
- You are way kinder
- and more patient than Dad.
- Yes, I am. I am.
Hey, guys! I am ending
the toxic tradition
of angry dads teaching
their kids to drive!
It's Mom's turn.
Wow, they will never know
the gift you've given them.
- But I'll know.
- Oh.
Oh, look at you being all
generous with the pour.
Mm-hmm.
Well, what's on your mind, son?
I know you ain't liquoring
me up for nothin'.
Okay, Pops. I just never thought
that this would happen.
What, you becoming the kind of guy
that wears, uh, pants
that stop at his ankles?
No, Pops. I'm talking about us
getting to a place where we can
have man-to-man conversations.
But they come with the understanding
that they stay "man-to-man."
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you telling
Mama about my leaky plumbing.
Pops, some things should
stay a secret, man.
Some things should stay between us.
- Yeah, you right, son.
- Okay.
I guess I just got loose with
the mouth. Say no more.
Really? We We good?
Yeah, we good.
I'm really proud of you
that you came to me
like a man about this.
- We have come a long way, son.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Now, what we gonna do about that?
Well I got a really
nice bottle of scotch
that I've been hiding in the garage.
I believe you have a half
a bottle hiding back there.
- What?
- You need to learn to hide your liquor
like you don't want me to find it.
Okay, I'll be back
with that half bottle.
Order restored.
I could trust both my Moms and Pops
to keep my business to themselves.
He said, "Some things
need to stay between us."
Mm-hmm.
I said, "Okay."
I'm gonna keep his trust 'cause
he was so embarrassed, Ruby.
You know, Dre doesn't do well
- with embarrassment.
- Mnh-mnh.
I found him in Junior's
room crying like a baby
- when that boy moved out.
- Mm.
He made me swear I wouldn't tell a soul.
Et tu, Mama?
Judas!
Lady Judas!
There he goes.
Getting that Kerry Washington lip.
- Mmmm
- Ah.
This is unreal, Bow.
I caught my parents gossiping about me.
This is not how it's supposed to be!
Dre, we gossip about our
children all the time.
Our last text thread was
about Jack's mustache.
It's called parenting.
I don't need to be parented, Bow.
I'm a grown-ass man.
Okay, well, I'm gonna
need you to get over it,
because I am taking a MasterClass.
RuPaul is teaching me how to make money
- from fracking.
- Unh-unh.
- What? Okay.
- No. I will not get past this.
It's a violation.
I am sure that your parents
have been talking about you
like this your whole life.
Unh-unh. No.
They weren't, all right?
Growing up, they hated each other.
I knew they would never compare notes,
so I could share whatever
I wanted with my mom.
Now my mom is married to my
Pops, and I can't trust her.
She's probably just sharing
with her husband.
You don't get it.
My mother is my confidant,
my rock, my counselor.
If I can't talk to her,
who can I talk to?
Who are you talking to right now?
Okay, okay, okay.
Listen, you can't control
what your parents talk about.
The only thing you
have control over, Dre,
is what you tell them.
So I think it's time you set
some boundaries with your mother.
Give me your hand, sweetheart.
Come here. I know this is hard. I know.
You need to set some boundaries
- with your mom.
- Okay.
You need to set some
boundaries with your mother.
Okay, Bow, I heard you.
Yeah, I know. It just felt
really nice to say it again.
- You're right.
- I'm always right.
If I set some boundaries
with my mom, she'll get mad,
and then she'll realize the consequences
of betraying my trust.
- Yes!
- No!
- That is not what I said!
- Yes!
Oh, it doesn't matter
what you said, Bow.
It's what I'm gonna do.
I think you're still too mad.
Good point.
I'll talk to her tomorrow.
You need to know that this is
not your father's driving school.
- Okay.
- Is that why you have a shirt
that says "Rainbow
Johnson's Driving School"?
Yes.
- How'd you get that so fast?
- I've got a guy.
All right. Diane, as the driver,
what do you do to start?
Address mirrors. Start engine.
Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
One lap around. Stay alert.
Then park safely
next to the strategically
placed safety trash cans.
- Okay.
- Girl, you ready.
Yes.
Okay, listen, you're gonna
make mistakes, all right?
You're gonna get frustrated,
but I am here to guide you.
- Okay.
- And, also,
we're gonna have a little bit of fun.
'Cause this is your
first time, 'cause
Have you driven before?
Not that you can prove.
Okay. Slow down.
So I set a boundary trap for my mama
and waited for her to take the cheese.
Oh. Damn.
Damn, damn.
What's wrong?
It's nothing.
Well, I can tell it's not nothing,
'cause your brow is all scrunched up
and you look like you ate
too many Dodger Dogs.
- What's wrong?
- Ah, you're right.
Nobody knows me like you, Mama.
Something happened at work today.
- It was exciting.
- Mm.
Yeah, and at the same
time, so scary. It
You know what, Mama?
Given where we are, I don't
think it's appropriate for me
to continue to discuss
personal matters with you.
Boy, why are you talking to me
like you HR at the Post Office
telling me I can't read people's mail?
You're right. What am I doing?
- You are my mama!
- Hello!
Stevens came to me with a
briefcase with a lock on it,
and then he opened it up, and
I saw what was inside, Mama,
and it
- Oh, my.
- No.
- I can't tell you, Mama. I-I-I can't.
- What was it? What was it?
Was it Was it Was it drugs?
- Mnh-mnh.
- Money?
- Mnh-mnh.
- Drug money?
- No.
- Boy, if you can't tell me,
- draw me a picture.
- Ma, I can't.
Why the hell not?!
What's wrong with you?!
I am drawing a boundary with you, Mama.
Boundary?
Mm.
Boundary? With me?
Who are you gonna share with?
Who are you gonna talk
your struggles out with?
My wife.
Uh-huh.
She put you up to this?
No, Mama.
Bow could never come up
with an idea like this.
- Can't come up with no idea.
- Okay.
But
I am going to need you
to respect my boundary.
Okay, baby.
Thank you.
If that's what you want.
God, I'm feeling so sick.
Black Jesus, help me.
- Mama, you okay?
- No, I'm feeling sick!
What's wrong? What's wrong, Mama?
Just all of a sudden.
- I'm gonna go lay down.
- Okay.
Oh, God!
Oh, my God!
Take me to the King!
- I'm ready, Jesus!
- It was tough,
but I had to teach my mom
there were consequences to snitching.
Meanwhile, Bow was in the
midst of teaching our kids
something they needed to survive.
You know, I've done some thinking.
- Oh, my God.
- In today's climate,
I'm not sure if I need
to learn how to drive.
Okay, Jack.
- You're serious?
- I'm dead-ass.
You see these hands?
These were meant for texting
while someone else drives.
Okay, well, driving is still a very
important skill to learn, Jack.
- Mm-hmm.
- What if somebody that you love gets hurt?
Call an ambulance.
Okay, what if you're
very hungry, and you
Order delivery.
What if you want a
peaceful and scenic
Walk. It's better for my health.
And the environment.
Nicely done.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, but what if someone,
AKA me, gives you $20 to park this car
in the garage? Then what you gonna do?
- Then I get that money.
- Ye What?
Okay.
Are you gonna get in the car?
Mnh-mnh.
What's happening?
Oh.
- Boom.
- Wow.
- Car parked.
- Uh-huh.
- Pay up.
- Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I don't have $20 on me.
- Andre Johnson.
- Yeah?
What the hell is wrong with you, boy?
Look what you've done to your mama.
I had to triple up on my iron pills
just to get through the afternoon.
You see what you've done?
Now you are going to open your heart
and tell your mother all your secrets.
I am not about to apologize to you two
for setting up a boundary.
Yeah, when the two of you
won't apologize to me
for talking about me behind my back.
So boom, boundary.
Now, you listen to me.
Are you really willing to throw
away how close we are
just because he and I are together now?
We're just talking a little bit.
Mama.
For the longest time,
it was just me and you,
and I would tell you things.
- Delicate things.
- Yeah.
And you would share with
me all about the mess,
about the raggedy stuff
that Pops would do.
- Now we can't do that.
- Hey.
You two been talking about me?
Eh, what she been telling you, son?
I know you didn't pay
for my books in college.
Ruby.
Can't believe you.
That was supposed to be
between me and you.
Well, he's my son!
Oh, well, he's my son, too.
How would you feel if I
told him the only reason
that you missed his 45th birthday party
was to get a thigh lift?
- Ooh.
- What?
I swear to God, Earl,
if you want to play like that,
I got something for that ass!
Oh, what you got, little
loose-mouth snitch?
Okay, guys, maybe you're
taking it a little bit too far.
- Can we just calm down?
- Okay, okay, okay.
What if I told him that the only reason
you came to his middle school graduation
was to get at that donkey-bootied
crossing guard?
Miss Freeman?
I can't believe you, Ruby.
Well, believe it, Negro!
What do you do when
you've started a mega-fight
between your parents, who have
a history of petty violence?
- Ain't nothing wrong with me!
- I thought we was
You back out and run away.
- We back together. We fine.
- No, you think
- Dre?
- Yeah?
Hey, it's after 9:00.
I don't hear Barry White coming
from the guest apartment.
- Mm.
- Your parents okay?
I think I may have started the
biggest fight between them
since they've gotten back together.
And by "may have"
that's what I did.
Oh.
Well, I guess it's good
we didn't get rid
of the arson insurance on the house.
Mm.
But I don't understand.
Were you trying to break them up?
It's not that.
It's just that my parents
being together,
- I feel like I have no secrets.
- Mm.
You know, my relationship with my mom
and my relationship with
my dad are now one.
It's two against one.
And with them together
they've seen all my mess.
Are you seriously laughing at this?
I'm sorry. Dre, what
you're describing is
is a normal close-knit family.
- Nah.
- Sweetheart, it's normal.
It's normal to have everybody
in your business.
- Mm.
- And it's normal for it to get uncomfortable.
It's a small price to pay
for having parents
that truly see the big picture of you.
Hm. I'm starting to see
their big picture, too,
whether I like it or not.
- They have very full lives.
- Yeah.
And, you know, when
they're not having sex
- with the window open
- Mm.
- they're talking about you.
- Mm-hmm.
Because they love you.
I don't think it's worth giving up
that relationship over this, Dre.
Maybe you're right.
I'll go talk to them.
Just knock first.
Like, loudly.
Oh, hey! Jack, okay,
so it is a new day
- Yes.
- and I was thinking,
what if we have a driving lesson,
but after
- Mm-hmm.
- I buy you
your own brand-new car?
Huh?
No, thank you. I'm good.
Only thing I'm planning on doing
today is drinking this Ensure.
It's good for active seniors,
but I think it should be good
for active freshmen, too.
Oof. Bottoms up.
Bottoms up? What?
I don't get it.
- Perplexed.
- For as long as I can remember,
it's been Jack's dream
to drive to the Grand Canyon
so he could pee in it.
And now he's turning
down a brand-new car?
Why is he throwing his dreams away?
Have you ever considered the possibility
that Jack is a weirdo?
I'm serious.
Learning to drive is a rite of passage.
I am offering my son
the keys to freedom,
and he's throwing them back in my face.
Well, you know, that
freedom is exciting,
but at the same time,
it is really scary.
I remember everybody telling
me how much I was gonna love
the freedom of college,
but when I got there,
I was actually super-overwhelmed.
You know, some people just aren't ready
for the rites of passage when
you think they should be.
You're right. What do I do?
If you were Dad, you would drive him out
into the middle of the desert
and then fake a heart
attack and then force him
to drive you all the way home,
and then when you got there,
you would say, "See? I told you.
I knew you could drive.
Why are you crying?
Let's go get some chili cheese fries.
Huh?"
Did your dad do that to you?
All I'm saying is that whatever you do,
I know you will handle
it better than Dad.
Well, that's a given.
Obviously.
Well, you guys seem to have calmed down.
We've officially moved into
the silent treatment
portion of the evening.
New tactics you learn
once you're married.
Mm.
Look, this is all my fault.
You guys would not be fighting
if I wasn't trying to protect myself
from what's ultimately a good thing
us being close.
Well, I appreciate your apology
but I've got to own some of it.
I never should have shared all that mess
about your Pops when
you were growing up.
Now, it made us close,
but I should have had a
boun
Go ahead, baby. You can say it.
- Boundary.
- Mm.
Mm!
I appreciate that, Mama.
The thing you gotta understand is, son,
your mama and I restarted our
friendship talking about you.
That's right.
And I love talking to my
husband about my kids,
and you ain't gonna take
that away from me, Dre.
So we'll just exercise
a little bit more discretion
from here on in.
- Mm.
- No more talking about the times
when you boo-booed on yourself.
Hmm. Thanks.
Hey, so, uh
what do y'all say about Rhonda?
- Ooh, child.
- Mm
Ha-hey!
You got somewhere to be after this?
Look here.
Let me fix you a drink.
- Okay.
- Now, your sister
- Mm-hmm.
- used to be involved
with something called VEXXEUS.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- The sex cult?
It's also a Ponzi scheme.
Yeah.
So, Jack wasn't ready to drive,
but he still wanted to stunt.
What it do, shorty?
You like all-wheel drive?
Hey, what's up, girl?
Whata gwan, fine gyal? 'Sup?
You going to the In-N-Out on Lankershim?
Funny.
Me too.
Oh, what's that?
Do I share this car with my sister?
Hell no.
I got the pink slip in the glove, baby.
Hey, your friends want a ride?
I've got room for all of them.
Oh. Sorry.
Your brother's gonna have to walk.
Oh. Oh, yeah. I-I know I look good in
And blackmail!
When will I learn?