The Rookie (2018) s08e09 Episode Script
Fun and Games
1
[STEVE MASON'S "WATER BORED"]
♪
This is how you do it ♪
On the plus side, it still fits.
I was hoping to never feel
wool on my skin again.
There he is. Welcome back.
Thank you, sir. Happy to be here.
Ready to ace my second chance.
It's just [SIGHS]
Are the long sleeves necessary?
You fell as far as you could
without getting bounced.
You have to earn your way back
to short sleeves.
I know it's a bummer,
but I'm excited
to have you back on patrol
for a little while.
So what's happening?
Am I riding solo, or are you
pairing me with someone?
It's it's not really
my call to make.
But you know the answer.
I should really let Tim tell you.
But you won't, because UCs
have a blood bond of honesty
that will last until the apocalypse.
So spill it.
I'm just the messenger.
I don't understand.
Well, you won't be riding
with me anymore.
Then who?
You're gonna be training Penn.
Are you kidding?
Not only do I have to go
back into the suck
that is uniformed police work
Not only do I have to walk
a high-wire act to perfection
every minute of the day
for the next six months,
I'm getting paired
with a training officer
so legendarily cantankerous,
she makes Tim Bradford
look like Mr. Rogers?
I'm getting stuck with a Texas lemon
who should have been fired
for a multitude of reasons?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Whoa ♪
I'm gonna win for you ♪
Like I know you want me to do ♪
And you heard the mechanic say
that he would get it done today?
- He said those actual words?
- Yes.
Even though last time,
it took him over a week
to order the parts?
Hey, I put the fear of God
in him, okay?
- It'll be done by 5:00.
- Oh.
Luna, my savior.
Room 314 is imploding.
Of course it is.
I knew we were in trouble
as soon as the third
estranged child showed up.
[LAUGHTER]
I prescribed antibiotics
for his pneumonia
and therapy for the rest of them.
I'm sure they'll get right on that.
- Mm-hmm.
- [CHUCKLES]
- I don't think we've met.
- Right.
Oliver Ashton,
this is my husband, Wade.
- Nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
I don't think I've seen you
around here before.
Yeah, just started
a couple months ago.
Spent the last five years working
- for Doctors Without Borders.
- Noble.
It's nothing compared
to what you do every day.
I'm doing assessments.
If 314 asks for me, tell them
I got carried off by a twister.
[LAUGHS]
Um, nice guy.
He makes us all look
like underachievers.
Mm.
Thank you for the ride
and for taking my car in,
which you should probably go do now,
or else he's gonna blame us for
not getting it finished today.
[CHUCKLES] Mm.
[CAR BEEPS]
[ENGINE TURNING OVER]
[THE TESKEY BROTHERS'
"CARRY YOU" PLAYS ON STEREO]
Too far gone ♪
Ooh ♪
I'll just keep running ♪
To carry you on ♪
Oh ♪
♪
Listen, Nolan and I have
thoughts on how
- to train Miles going forward.
- Keep 'em.
- You both had your chance.
- Nyla
What are you gonna tell me
that I don't already know?
He's a cowboy because he's insecure?
That that was clear
to some of us on day one.
Now he is a hot mess
who's gonna hit the streets
so scared to make a mistake
that he will panic-freeze
the second the adrenaline hits.
So, no, I will chart my own course.
Thank you.
- [SIGHS]
- I think she's got it handled.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- Morning.
- What?
I said good morning.
Did you mean to get off here?
Um
no, task force floor.
I'm sorry, I'm just
a little distracted.
- Everything okay?
- [SIGHS]
Yeah. Yeah, uh, I don't know.
I found this in Luna's car,
and a pair of fancy men's sunglasses.
That doesn't
necessarily mean anything.
No, of course not.
I'm I'm sure
it doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, yeah.
Just, um, you ever just, uh
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Never mind.
Sir, if I may.
There's two paths you can take here.
The first is
talk to your wife.
Odds are there's
a very simple explanation.
The second is
you know, snoop.
I highly recommend the first.
Thank you.
Just had to see me,
or is there a problem?
- Your mom.
- [SIGHS]
Now what did she do?
Well, have you not been
following our group chat?
No, I muted that thing
the second you set it up
for the three of us.
- Tim.
- I know.
I have a problem with communication.
This is not funny.
Your mom has texted us 11 times
in the past hour,
and you're being radio silent,
so I have to answer.
- No, you really don't.
- Uh
You don't. It's not your job
to fill the silence.
In fact, the sooner you stop,
the sooner she'll abandon the thread
and stop sending blurry pictures
of relationship quizzes
from ancient "Cosmo" magazines
she has lying around.
So you are following the thread.
- I may have seen one or two.
- Mm-hmm.
I'll text her, okay?
It's not your weight to carry.
- She's my mom.
- Okay. Thank you.
- That's all I ask.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
Oh, howdy, Detective Harper.
Uh, I want to say how thrilled
I am to be training with you.
You want your nickname
to be "Ass Kisser"?
- No, ma'am.
- Then rethink your approach.
- [SNIFFS]
- Yes, ma'am.
[GRUNTING]
So what is your goal
for the next six months of training?
Learn from my mistakes.
Try not to get myself
in situations I can't handle.
So play it safe?
I'm one screwup away
from getting bounced.
What am I supposed to do?
♪
Okay, so here's how today is gonna go.
You are the TO. I am the rookie.
I don't understand.
You will teach me the job
as if I were a day-one rookie
and take the lead
on every call we get,
and at the end of shift,
I will decide whether
you are worth my effort.
Yes, ma'am or should I say "Boot"?
I'm just gonna stick with ma'am.
- Mm-hmm.
- [ENGINE TURNING OVER]
- [CAR HORN HONKS]
- This is nice.
You know, back together again,
without the pressure
of being evaluated.
I can really let my freak flag fly.
No, no, not not that
I have one, like, a freak flag.
Like, no no hidden
freak agenda over here.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Don't worry.
Your freak-ret's safe with me.
Wait, what? Oh, I see.
No, no, but seriously,
I have no freak-rets.
7-Adam-15, 2-11 at 47163 San Vicente.
Copy that. Show us responding.
Hit it, super freak.
[SIREN WAILING]
[FUNKY MUSIC]
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Police!
Police!
- Police.
- Is it over?
Yeah, why don't you come out
where we can see you?
We were just in the middle of filming
when two guys with guns came in,
stole all of our equipment,
and shot the place up.
- Okay, filming what?
- Minion erotica.
- Zac, not the time.
- Sorry.
It's called Dropout TV.
We do shows
based around improv comedy.
- I own the company.
- Oh, there he goes.
He owns the place. He owns the place.
Anna
There's, like, a weird power dynamic,
but we're friends, but he's our boss.
Jacob, you guys act
like I'm obsessed with myself.
Okay, can we just stay on track?
Doubtful. Sorry, no. Sorry. We won't.
Right, I think the path forward here
is to take witness statements
from each of them
- separately.
- Mm-hmm.
And you can put your hands down.
- Oh, thank God.
- Whew.
All right, in your own words,
- just tell me what happened.
- Wow, okay, yeah.
Um, I first got into comedy
after being bullied in middle school.
Okay, so where were you
when the robbery took place?
Your Honor, let the record show
that it could not have been me,
for I was at the studio
- when the crime occurred.
- Well, this isn't a courtroom.
You're a witness, not a suspect.
I could have committed the crime.
I could have been,
you know, like, colluding.
Were you?
I thought you said I wasn't a suspect.
Okay, you're making me nervous.
I did the crime.
No, I didn't.
I'm panicking. I'm panicking.
Yeah, I can't believe we lost
all the footage we shot today.
I probably did some of my best,
most important work of my career.
My Dame Judi Butthole bit killed.
Did the suspects have accents
or any distinctive vocal qualities?
Yeah, when you say accents,
do you mean, like
[BRITISH ACCENT] Hey, I'm a guy
from, like, Birmingham!
I'm here to rob your place!
[NORMAL VOICE]
Or or maybe he was, uh
[APPALACHIAN ACCENT]
An Appalachian hillbilly
with a sinus infection.
I promise to answer your question,
but can I just ask you
something first?
- No.
- Okay.
So I just need, like, a regular,
not-funny person's opinion of this.
Like, which version is funnier?
A guy who is trying to give a eulogy,
but he's holding in a sneeze,
or a guy who's giving a eulogy,
but he's being attacked
by invisible egrets?
And don't answer yet.
I have to show you.
[IMITATING DRACULA]
Perhaps he was a vampire
[WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
From Down Under
[IMITATING DRACULA] Who, uh
who has really bad anxiety.
I want to suck your blood,
but I'm a little scared.
Oh, it's kind of coming back to me.
The suspect's license plate?
No, my Dame Judi Butthole bit.
Do you mind if I do it real
quick so it doesn't escape me?
Ooh, record me on your body cam
and then text it to me.
And then I started Dropout TV.
- What was your question again?
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
Hey, hi. I don't know
how helpful this is,
but one of the robbers
must have dropped their wallet
when they were robbing
the control room.
Wait, I know you.
Uh, you're the drone kid!
- Dax. Dan.
- Dash, but close enough.
He let you use the drone?
He straight up told me no.
Okay, well, you wanted to
film Mr. Reich in his backyard
doing yoga for blackmail purposes.
Am I the only one that went
to the HR meeting?
- We have HR?
- We had an HR meeting?
I need a background check
on Mark Wyatt.
I thought you were moving
to Vegas with your mom.
Yeah, uh, that didn't work
out, so we moved to LA.
My mom always wanted
to be a hand model,
which is going as well
as you would expect.
So I got a part-time job
with these lunatics
lovely people
while, uh, I wait to graduate
high school.
Our suspect, Mark Wyatt, has priors
- assault and for public nudity.
- At the same time?
- What would that look like?
- I've been thinking about it.
- I feel like
- No, no, no, it's katanas.
All right, we're gonna go pick him up,
and we'll be in touch.
Lots of luck.
- [GRUNTING]
- Pew, pew!
Um, tell me the six rules
of a traffic stop.
[POLICE SCANNER WHIRS AND SQUEALS]
Why'd you do that?
Is my training officer
asking why a patrol officer
would listen to a police scanner
and not just wait for dispatch calls?
I guess.
When evaluating a rookie,
a training officer
wants to see how they respond
to different scenarios.
With a rookie who is looking
to get into trouble,
the calls they choose
can be illustrative.
Armed suspect just abandoned
his car on freeway.
He's shooting! Watch out!
He's running!
Foot pursuit!
Heading east on Benedict!
Add us to that call. Mm.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO]
Trainee, why wouldn't we want
to respond to that call?
Travel time to call
is approximately 15 minutes.
A shots-fired call means
that every available unit
in the area will respond.
As last arrivals,
we will likely miss the action
and be tasked with looking
for shell casings
in the hot sun
for the next five hours.
Right. I mean, uh, good answer.
Let's look for a closer call.
All units, silent alarm
at Lincoln Bank and Trust.
2-11 in progress.
Bank robbery. Hot damn,
we're taking that one, right?
- Yes, sir. Although
- A-although what?
A thoughtful TO
might inform his rookie
that most bank robberies
can be measured in minutes.
And given our proximity
and the units that are closer,
it might be prudent to focus
on the bank robber's possible
escape route and intercept.
In case they manage to get away
before police arrive smart.
So the route they would take
to escape would be
They would head
for the 10/110 freeway exchange
and try to get lost in the
chaos of Los Angeles traffic.
Which means that they
would have to drive up
Georgia Street.
[SIREN WAILING]
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
Hands! Show me your hands!
[WHIMPERING] Ple please.
[CONTINUES WHIMPERING]
Please help. I think she's dying.
[SIRENS APPROACHING]
I think she's dying.
Okay, we have two GSW victims.
Patient number one, GSW in the
left upper quadrant abdomen,
now grossly distended and firm.
Critically unstable,
recommend OR, stat.
- I'll stay with them.
- Sounds right.
- Are you investigating this one?
- No, we are.
That is sweet, but you are
the hotshot detective.
I'm just a lowly patrol officer.
You're still a detective,
but I get your point.
Did either of them mention
the third bank robber?
Uh, no.
I didn't realize there was one.
Yeah, security guard said
there were three of them,
all masked and armed.
Third robber disappeared
when the shooting started.
Must have laid low
as the other two escaped,
then snuck away
into the chaos afterwards.
We're pulling security footage now.
Hopefully we can get a before
and after the mask came off.
How's your rookie?
Mm, I don't know yet.
You know you can't bounce him
from the program, right?
What? I was looking forward to it.
He's not the only one
being evaluated, Nyla.
You need to be made of wins
while you're back on patrol.
Firing a rookie
would be seen as a loss,
and you can't give IA reason
to punish you more
or, worse, fire you.
- [GREY SIGHS]
- Oh, Lieutenant.
Hey. Um, are you all right?
I mean, other than the uniform.
Yeah, we caught
two bank-robbery suspects.
Penn is in there watching over them
while they get prepped for surgery.
You here to see Luna?
Yeah, I'm gonna take her out to lunch.
- Oh, that's sweet.
- That's sweet.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Well, yeah.
Excuse me.
[LAUGHTER]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Luna.
Hey, what are you doing here?
Thought I'd take my wife to lunch.
Oh, that's so sweet, but Oliver
is about to do his assessments,
and I accompany
in case any patient-advocate
questions come up.
You can join us,
but it's gonna be
a lot more bodily fluids
than a normal person
wants to see in a day.
You'd be surprised
what a cop sees in a day.
Good point.
I shouldn't be too late.
Why don't we go to dinner?
Don't make a date you can't keep.
I can keep it.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
All right, good.
It really was sweet
you came to take me to lunch.
Um, look, Luna, um
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Hey, we we need help.
Let me guess. You're glued together.
You say that like it happens a lot.
More than you know.
Did you drive here like that?
Well, we didn't take the bus.
Hey, I can't help but to notice
by the position of your hands
that you were engaged
in a domestic dispute gone sticky.
No, no, no, no.
Um, she was just caressing my face.
While you choked her?
Uh, not all choking is nonconsensual.
- Huh.
- I'm gonna go get the doctor.
Wait, wait, wait, um
Please tell me there
is not glue on your hand.
- I wish that I could.
- [SIGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[KNOCK ON WINDOW]
[DISTANT BUZZER BLARES]
[BLINDS WHIRRING]
- [CLICKS TONGUE, GRUNTS]
- [LINE TRILLING]
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Why can't you just come in here?
Because I'm mad at you.
It's not enough
that I have a busy day,
I have to run damage control
on your dysfunction?
I was trying to take
my mom off your plate.
By telling her to not contact me?
I want to have a relationship
with your mother,
but not whatever this has become.
- All right, I'll text her.
- No. Hey, come on, please.
Call her today, okay?
An actual human conversation.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
Later.
[SCOFFS]
I'm telling you,
I lost my wallet yesterday.
Oh, convenient timing,
given we found it at the scene
of an armed robbery this morning.
Convenient is such lazy framing.
The universe is an infinitely
complicated place.
You know, you show your ignorance
acting like coincidences
are impossible.
The sheer amount of things
happening on a single day
number in the sextillions.
Okay, that's a made-up number.
No, it's not. A sextillion
is a thousand trillion.
And given that the world is populated
with over 8 billion people,
I'm probably way underestimating.
No, I'm definitely underestimating.
There's over 10 quintillion
insects in the world.
That's over one billion per person.
So, given that scale,
me losing a wallet,
a criminal picking it up,
and then dropping it
at a crime scene isn't unlikely.
Statistically, it's almost a given.
Well, we're still gonna
put you in a lineup
and see if the victims
can identify you.
That's fair.
How many of that, uh quintillion?
Quintillion insects are spiders?
Oh, at least a quadrillion.
There's 53,000 species
on every continent except Antarctica.
I might have to move to Antarctica.
- Not today, though, right?
- No.
Today we see if Mark
loses the lineup lottery.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Hmm, it's just like the movies
- Yeah.
- With as much diversity.
Check, test.
All right, we are about to
show you a lineup of six men.
The person or persons
involved in the robbery
may or may not be among them.
Afterwards, I'm going
to ask you, individually,
if you recognize anyone.
But do not compare notes
and do not discuss the suspects
amongst each other.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, Daddy.
Okay, the guy that's number
one looks like a tech bro
that speaks about himself
in the third person,
and he probably kisses his
immediate family on the mouth.
[LAUGHTER]
- Smoochy!
- Okay, wait.
But number three is sort of
giving, like, hey, I'm Chad.
I completely misunderstood
the message of "Fight Club,"
and I don't understand
why my Native American
Halloween costume's so offensive.
Number five looks like he spends
his Friday nights chugging beer
loaded with protein powder.
It's not drinking alone if your
two snakes are in the house.
Okay, guys, let's try to focus.
I mean, this should be fairly easy.
Uh, do you guys recognize
anyone or not?
Well, they were all wearing masks,
but these guys are
the same basic size.
You know, I feel like I might
recognize the guy's voice
- that yelled at us.
- Yeah.
Number one, could you
please repeat the phrase?
[SIGHS] Shut up and get on the ground.
Okay, I'm unimpressed
with the performance.
Could use a little more pizzazz.
I don't want to give a line read,
but there's, like,
a hundred guys in LA
that could do a better job than that.
So question
can you just sort of make them
say whatever you want?
No, they're only gonna say
what was said at the robbery.
[INHALES SHARPLY] You guys
thinking what I'm thinking?
Contestant number one,
can you please recite
Tommy Lee Jones's speech
from "The Fugitive?"
No, contestant number
suspect number one,
you do not have to do that.
- I would like it if you did.
- No one's asking.
- I would like it if you did.
- I'll do it.
- [GASPS]
- Yes.
- I love "The Fugitive."
- [SMOOCHES]
The floor's all yours.
What I want out
of each and every one of you
is a hard-target search
of every gas station,
residence, warehouse,
farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse,
and doghouse in that area.
- He's really good.
- That's really good.
- Bravo!
- Yeah.
That was really good.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Can we see a chemistry read
between four and two?
Okay, okay, okay.
Do you recognize any of these
individuals from the robbery?
I mean, if we say yes,
can we get them to say
more weird stuff?
- No.
- Can we make them kiss?
Ooh, can we make them kiss?
Can we see a kiss
between four and two?
- That would equal six.
- Ooh!
That's odd.
Super glue usually comes off
with a bit of acetone.
Do you remember the brand you used?
- Nope.
- Yes.
Uh, I-I think it was like an
- an acetone-resistant
- Resistant
Blend.
- Heavy-duty stuff.
- Yeah.
I can't really remember
the exact name.
Well, surgery is a last resort,
but without identifying
the exact adhesive you used,
I'm not sure how else to proceed.
Can someone go by your house
and get it?
Uh, no.
- Not not really.
- I'm happy to do it.
- Give me your address.
- No, that's not necessary.
- It's super nice, though.
- Oh, my God, the nicest.
Thank you, um, but we just
we couldn't ask that of you.
Listen up. You are glued to my wife.
The only person that's supposed
to touch her this long is me,
so give me your address
unless there's something at your house
you don't want me to see.
Something that has to do
with this, perhaps?
I swear I don't know what that is.
It's a firing pin for a handgun.
- Oh, my God.
- Crazy.
The question is,
why are the two of you
covered with them?
So Finley is out of surgery.
We should be able to talk to her soon,
but the, uh the girlfriend,
Ava, she died on the table.
Damn.
Hard way to learn not to rob a bank
with a former Green Beret
working as a security guard.
Yeah.
Hey, as my rookie,
shouldn't you be doing the paperwork?
- Yeah, had to give it a shot.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, I requested an officer
to come watch over Finley.
We should get back out on patrol.
Actually, we have been asked
to take a first run
at interviewing Finley.
Lopez is tied up with the feds,
combing through bank footage,
trying to figure out
how the third robber escaped.
And as her former partner
fu future partner, yeah, um
she trusts your detective skills.
Exactly.
And unfortunately for you,
I still need my TO
to show me how it's done.
Not to break the fourth wall here,
but you're a literal expert
at interrogating suspects,
and I'm not.
Only way to become
an expert is to do the work.
And as someone whose instincts
are to turn everything up to an 11,
I am curious to see
how you handle something
that requires nuance and delicacy.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How long's she been awake?
- Couple minutes.
Anyone tell her about her partner?
I know I didn't.
- Can I ask you one question?
- Sure.
What's the worst mistake
I can make in there?
Don't make it a competition
you versus her.
You guys are on the same side.
Yes, ma'am, got it. Thanks.
Finley, I'm Officer Penn.
This is Detective Harper.
- We brought you in.
- Yeah, I remember.
[BREATHES DEEPLY] How's Ava?
No one will tell me.
I'm sorry, but
she didn't survive the surgery.
She had lost too much blood.
No.
[VOICE BREAKING] No.
Why did he have to shoot her?
He didn't have to shoot her.
Our guns weren't real.
But they looked real.
- People were terrified.
- [CRYING]
It's not fair.
She only did it because of me.
Why?
I've seen your history. It's spotless.
I couldn't even dream
of getting into Stanford.
[SCOFFS] Be grateful.
You want to know
why we robbed that bank?
I am $200,000 in debt,
and that's after spending
the last three years
trying to pay off the loan.
It's higher now than it was
when I started.
What hope did we have
at a happy life together,
working two jobs just
to barely stay above water?
Listen, I get it.
I lived in my car
until a few months ago.
Debt is no joke.
And it could impact
how the DA's office
decides to prosecute you.
But if you want any hope
of leniency any
you need to tell us
who your other partner was
- in the robbery.
- It was just me and Ava.
We know that there was
a third person that got away.
We're gonna find them eventually.
But you have an opportunity
to help yourself here.
I strongly urge you take it.
I don't deserve help.
Ava's dead because of me.
[SNIFFLES]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
Hey, what are you doing here?
Hey, uh, Dropout guys
made me drive them.
- Something about a lineup.
- Right, but they left.
Are you kidding?
That's why Sam asked
for the minivan keys.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
- Can your mom pick you up?
- Yeah, I can call her.
Did they help you
at all with the line
No, stupid question.
Those guys would have
gone down with the "Titanic"
because they were too busy
making fun of the orchestra
to get on a lifeboat.
Look, don't take this the wrong way,
but why do you work with those guys?
They pay me surprisingly well.
Uh, Nolan? Sorry.
- Are you free?
- Yeah, I can be.
- I'll see you later?
- Yep.
All right.
So Grey just called.
Uh, Luna is currently glued
to a couple
who appears to be manufacturing
and selling ghost guns.
The judge just signed off on a warrant
for us to go inside and take
a look at their house.
While they remain glued to Luna?
That's gonna have to be
our secondary assignment
identifying the adhesive
they've been using
to assemble the ghost guns
so we can get them all separated.
And who are these people?
Uh, Poppy and Jasper Waterson.
Neither of them
have a criminal record,
but at one point or another,
they've both filed
restraining orders against each other.
I checked out their social media.
They are both gun enthusiasts,
obviously in a toxic relationship,
who share an inability
to think things through.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Today is an odd one.
- Right? Wait, why?
What's going on with you?
Oh, I can't even explain,
not without crying.
- Juarez, we're on the move.
- Coming. Whew.
I, uh, let Mark Wyatt go.
His girlfriend corroborated his story
of him losing his wallet yesterday.
And he was very understanding
about our confusion
and happy to get his wallet back
once we had it fingerprinted, yeah.
Mm. Hey, uh, you want to ride with me?
Ooh. Can I?
- Traitor.
- [CHUCKLES]
- So did he call his mom?
- I don't know.
I don't think so.
I don't have much confidence
that even if he does,
- it'll make things better.
- Mm.
Okay, we're coming up to it.
It's
Oh.
You know what? Let's, uh
let's back up a little bit.
[DISTANT DOG BARKING]
What's up?
Three guys are moving stuff
out of that green house
around the corner.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- And by stuff, you mean guns?
- Among other things.
So do we want to go right at them
or try something more subtle?
A little bit of both?
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
[ENGINE REVVING, SIREN WHOOPS]
On the ground!
Step away from the van!
On the ground, arms and legs spread.
♪
That could not have worked out better.
♪
Looks like we found our adhesive.
- Ooh, I-I wouldn't touch that.
- Good idea.
Hey, guys, I got this out here.
Go inside.
Clear the house.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
Nolan sent a photo of the glue.
Thank God.
Oh, did he, uh
did he see anything else
while he was there?
Hey, I just got
the exact epoxy that they used.
Great. Uh, let's see
Um [SIGHS]
Um, by the way, earlier in the day,
I found these in the bathroom.
You wouldn't happen to know
who they belong to, would you?
Yeah, I've been looking
everywhere for these.
- Where'd you say you found them?
- Um, out in the hall.
[SIGHS]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
- Finley!
- Grandma?
- Finley!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You can't go there.
You can't go in there.
The hell I can't.
You're gonna have to shoot me
to stop me.
Hey, ma'am, ma'am, hold on one second.
Your granddaughter has been arrested
for a very serious crime.
My granddaughter has also been shot.
And I am the only family she's got,
so you are gonna let me
into that room.
Yes, ma'am, we we can do that.
But I need you to do something for me.
Finley can help herself by telling us
the truth about what happened.
Finley needs a lawyer.
I've got one on the way.
Now let me see her.
Of course, but Detective Harper
is gonna pat you down
and hold on to your purse.
- Whatever.
- Arms up.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[ZIPPER OPENS]
♪
- [SOBBING]
- [SIGHS]
♪
Ava's dead.
- [SOBS]
- What?
Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
What's going on?
Uh, Finley's grandma just got here.
Great, I don't need
to make a separate trip.
When the feds finished
processing the prints
from the bank, one set stood out,
although the last bank
she robbed was in 1983.
Get out. Finley's mawmaw?
Yeah, she did a nickel for it.
Got out and never robbed another bank.
Until today.
[HANDCUFFS CLICK]
Maeve.
[FINLEY SOBBING]
It's all my fault.
They did everything right in life,
and still they were
struggling so much.
It wasn't right.
Put your hands behind your back.
No, please.
No.
It wasn't right.
♪
No.
- Oh.
- Finally.
- Thank God.
- So much better.
[SIGHS IN RELIEF]
All right.
Good news is that you're free.
And this is the bad news.
All right, if you could
just turn around.
Turn around!
Hands on your head.
[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]
Hands behind your back.
Huh. Must have missed some.
Bruh.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO]
Hey, are you still
waiting for your mom?
Yeah, she's busy.
Said she'd get me when she's free.
She couldn't think of
a safer place for me to wait.
Okay. Uh, what about your dad?
Oh, he's only "break glass
in case of emergency."
Right.
Well, I just finished with an arrest,
so I can give you a ride home.
Great.
Uh, can we go
with the lights and the sirens?
No, but I'll let you use the radio
to tell dispatch she has a sexy voice.
- [GASPS] Really?
- No.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES]
- That your mom?
- No, it's Sam.
"Where's our equipment?
"You weren't supposed
to steal it for real.
I'm not paying you
unless you bring it back."
[CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES]
Second text.
"Ha ha, whoops, sorry.
"That message wasn't for you.
Please don't share it with anyone."
Prayer hands emoji.
Do I need a lawyer?
That is your right. Do you have one?
Yes, but he only does
entertainment law.
That's not gonna help you.
Look, not only did you make
false statements to police,
which is punishable
by up to six months in prison,
but you also endangered
yourself and your employees.
Look, I am so sorry.
We do crazy stunts
for our shows all the time.
I thought I was hiring actors
to play robbers.
They were supposed to interrupt
our game show
with a fake robbery
and then return all of our
stuff a few hours later.
I never thought a casting
breakdown for armed robbers
would attract actual armed robbers.
[SIGHS]
And then I was too embarrassed
to say anything,
and now I fully realize
the error of my ways.
Which is great, but it will
still be up to the DA's office
as to whether they want
to press charges.
I can't go to jail.
I couldn't even handle sleepaway camp.
Look, let's just start
with arresting
the two men that robbed you.
I'm assuming you have names
and numbers.
- I have their Venmos.
- Let's start with that.
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
Robber88.
Okay, well, I should have seen
that one coming.
[DOORS BUZZING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
All right. What a way to end shift.
As a thank-you,
paperwork can be turned in
at the top of the day tomorrow.
I'll even add an hour of OT for those
- who want to come in early.
- That's great.
- Hey, did you call your mother?
- Mm.
- I'm gonna
- Yeah, don't we have a
- Yep.
- Right behind you.
♪
I'm sorry.
I think I just need
to get some closure.
Oh, it's okay.
Look, why don't we clock out
and talk about it at home?
Okay.
I don't know about you,
but all I am thinking about
is a hot bath and 12 hours of sleep.
- [QUIETLY] Sounds nice.
- [CHUCKLES]
Are you okay?
Um
I thought I
I could broach this
in a more delicate way,
but after the day we had, I
I think it's better just
to come out and and say it.
Is there something going on
with you and Dr. Ashton?
Are you accusing me of cheating?
I'm not accusing you of anything.
But after seeing
the way you two act together and
finding his things in your car
I just want to know the truth.
First of all, you have to believe me
when I say that nothing
has happened between us.
Second of all?
I do feel something for him.
I wasn't looking for it.
In our whole marriage,
I've never even thought
about anyone else.
But this past year,
the world has opened up for me.
I finished school. I got this job.
You met another man.
It is not that simple.
Am I attracted to him? Yes.
But that doesn't mean that
I was planning on acting on it.
Doesn't mean you weren't.
Otherwise you would have said that.
Wade, please, I'm
I am trying to be honest, and
and I'm making a mess of it
because I don't
I don't really know how I feel.
I
If you hadn't confronted me
about Oliver,
there is a good chance I would
have worked through all of this
- without you ever knowing.
- I do know!
It's breaking my heart. Just
[SOMBER MUSIC]
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]
So what you need to tell me
is that whatever it is you feel
for this man
it's over as of now.
♪
And your hesitation
gives me my answer.
Here, take this.
- Wade.
- I need to take a walk.
- And then what?
- I don't know.
♪
So officially end of shift.
Did you decide whether or not
I'm a lost cause?
I want to hear your thoughts first.
Okay, well, I think I made
some real progress today,
even though it wasn't close
to perfect.
Stop.
You do know not everything
is about you, right?
I don't want to hear
your own self-analysis.
I want to hear what you thought
about me, your rookie.
Oh.
Can I not do that?
All right.
I'd say you're pretty knowledgeable
for a rookie officer.
You have natural instincts.
Though I can sometimes feel
your urge to take over,
I appreciate that you don't.
Your willingness to trust your TO
and give him a second chance,
even when you think
you might know better
when you most definitely do
know better
is admirable.
- Okay, thanks.
- Now it's your turn, right?
Wait, so so what does that mean?
Do I get to stay, or should I go home?
See you tomorrow.
[FOXING'S "HALL OF FROZEN HEADS"]
♪
- [noisemaker blares]
- ALL: Happy first day!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
We wanted to do something special
to celebrate
your first day back on patrol.
You guys, you
you are terrible, wonderful people,
and I love you.
We love you, too, and
you're gonna get through this.
Thank you. Wow, you guys
really did not have to do this.
But I am glad that you did.
It's not something I ever would
have thought to celebrate.
To be fair, you are not big
on festivities of any kind.
I only found out
when your birthday was
because I called your mama.
And I am still kind of mad
at you for that.
- Me too, and so is Wesley.
- I'm not.
Okay, so I assume that
this is not just decorations,
that there is some sort of sustenance
and and possible adult beverages.
I'm on it.
Thank you, guys, for being here.
But just to clarify,
I do want to be in my bed
- in an hour, so
- Oh, yeah, we'll be long gone.
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
O-okay.
All right, Mom.
Bye.
I did it.
It is handled.
That took too long to have been easy.
Is she okay? Are you okay?
- Yeah. No, I'm I'm great.
- Okay.
It actually no, it went
a lot easier than expected.
She understood the whole
boundaries issue pretty quickly
and, uh, acknowledged
that she can get overexcited.
Doesn't blame you or me
just blames technology
for being too fun to experience alone.
Wow. Okay.
- It sounds like it went great.
- Yeah.
Well, what took so long, then?
We started talking
about a lot of other stuff.
- Like what?
- Nosy.
Come on, tell
if you want to tell me.
[LAUGHS]
Um, work, uh, childhood memories
- Mm.
- You.
- It was nice.
- Yeah.
I-I bet you guys have a lot
to catch up on.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, she did
she told me all about her weekly trips
to the Farmers Market.
Oh, and she told me all
about her friend Linda,
who, uh, has been acting like
and this is in my mother's words
a-a shrewd bitch with a stick
shoved so far up her ass.
Yeah, I heard about Linda.
And, honestly,
I agree with your mother.
She has to go.
How'd you hear about that?
That was not on the group chat.
Nope. I
Um
I am on a separate group thread
with just your mom and Genny.
- You are unbelievable.
- Wait. No, stop.
To be fair, I did not start
that one Genny did.
But now I have two of my main sources
for vintage Tim photos
in the same place,
- so that's very nice for me.
- Oh, God.
Okay, so do I have to talk
to Genny now, too?
No, no.
But if you have
that powder-blue prom suit
lying around, that would be nice.
Okay, I'm sure I could dig
it up from somewhere.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
I wanna be Saul
to Paul in Damascus ♪
The last gasp of God
before the Rapture ♪
- Hello?
- I'm in the bedroom.
Charioted high above a glass earth ♪
I thought you couldn't be
home for another week.
I moved some things around.
- Are you naked under there?
- 100%.
With the caveat that I have
to go back in 36 hours.
We can get a lot done in 36 hours.
We can.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Just one
Yes, sir, is everything all right?
No. [SIGHS]
Luna and I are in a bad place.
I don't
I don't know
what our future looks like.
I'm here at a hotel bar,
where I'll be staying
for who knows how long.
Sounds like you need some company.
- I'll be right there.
- Thanks.
[SIGHS] Maybe not right there.
Wait, John
He won't be any more sad in 40 minutes
than he would have been in 20.
That's true. [LAUGHING]
sync & corrections awaqeded
Damn it.
[STEVE MASON'S "WATER BORED"]
♪
This is how you do it ♪
On the plus side, it still fits.
I was hoping to never feel
wool on my skin again.
There he is. Welcome back.
Thank you, sir. Happy to be here.
Ready to ace my second chance.
It's just [SIGHS]
Are the long sleeves necessary?
You fell as far as you could
without getting bounced.
You have to earn your way back
to short sleeves.
I know it's a bummer,
but I'm excited
to have you back on patrol
for a little while.
So what's happening?
Am I riding solo, or are you
pairing me with someone?
It's it's not really
my call to make.
But you know the answer.
I should really let Tim tell you.
But you won't, because UCs
have a blood bond of honesty
that will last until the apocalypse.
So spill it.
I'm just the messenger.
I don't understand.
Well, you won't be riding
with me anymore.
Then who?
You're gonna be training Penn.
Are you kidding?
Not only do I have to go
back into the suck
that is uniformed police work
Not only do I have to walk
a high-wire act to perfection
every minute of the day
for the next six months,
I'm getting paired
with a training officer
so legendarily cantankerous,
she makes Tim Bradford
look like Mr. Rogers?
I'm getting stuck with a Texas lemon
who should have been fired
for a multitude of reasons?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Whoa ♪
I'm gonna win for you ♪
Like I know you want me to do ♪
And you heard the mechanic say
that he would get it done today?
- He said those actual words?
- Yes.
Even though last time,
it took him over a week
to order the parts?
Hey, I put the fear of God
in him, okay?
- It'll be done by 5:00.
- Oh.
Luna, my savior.
Room 314 is imploding.
Of course it is.
I knew we were in trouble
as soon as the third
estranged child showed up.
[LAUGHTER]
I prescribed antibiotics
for his pneumonia
and therapy for the rest of them.
I'm sure they'll get right on that.
- Mm-hmm.
- [CHUCKLES]
- I don't think we've met.
- Right.
Oliver Ashton,
this is my husband, Wade.
- Nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
I don't think I've seen you
around here before.
Yeah, just started
a couple months ago.
Spent the last five years working
- for Doctors Without Borders.
- Noble.
It's nothing compared
to what you do every day.
I'm doing assessments.
If 314 asks for me, tell them
I got carried off by a twister.
[LAUGHS]
Um, nice guy.
He makes us all look
like underachievers.
Mm.
Thank you for the ride
and for taking my car in,
which you should probably go do now,
or else he's gonna blame us for
not getting it finished today.
[CHUCKLES] Mm.
[CAR BEEPS]
[ENGINE TURNING OVER]
[THE TESKEY BROTHERS'
"CARRY YOU" PLAYS ON STEREO]
Too far gone ♪
Ooh ♪
I'll just keep running ♪
To carry you on ♪
Oh ♪
♪
Listen, Nolan and I have
thoughts on how
- to train Miles going forward.
- Keep 'em.
- You both had your chance.
- Nyla
What are you gonna tell me
that I don't already know?
He's a cowboy because he's insecure?
That that was clear
to some of us on day one.
Now he is a hot mess
who's gonna hit the streets
so scared to make a mistake
that he will panic-freeze
the second the adrenaline hits.
So, no, I will chart my own course.
Thank you.
- [SIGHS]
- I think she's got it handled.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- Morning.
- What?
I said good morning.
Did you mean to get off here?
Um
no, task force floor.
I'm sorry, I'm just
a little distracted.
- Everything okay?
- [SIGHS]
Yeah. Yeah, uh, I don't know.
I found this in Luna's car,
and a pair of fancy men's sunglasses.
That doesn't
necessarily mean anything.
No, of course not.
I'm I'm sure
it doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, yeah.
Just, um, you ever just, uh
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Never mind.
Sir, if I may.
There's two paths you can take here.
The first is
talk to your wife.
Odds are there's
a very simple explanation.
The second is
you know, snoop.
I highly recommend the first.
Thank you.
Just had to see me,
or is there a problem?
- Your mom.
- [SIGHS]
Now what did she do?
Well, have you not been
following our group chat?
No, I muted that thing
the second you set it up
for the three of us.
- Tim.
- I know.
I have a problem with communication.
This is not funny.
Your mom has texted us 11 times
in the past hour,
and you're being radio silent,
so I have to answer.
- No, you really don't.
- Uh
You don't. It's not your job
to fill the silence.
In fact, the sooner you stop,
the sooner she'll abandon the thread
and stop sending blurry pictures
of relationship quizzes
from ancient "Cosmo" magazines
she has lying around.
So you are following the thread.
- I may have seen one or two.
- Mm-hmm.
I'll text her, okay?
It's not your weight to carry.
- She's my mom.
- Okay. Thank you.
- That's all I ask.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
Oh, howdy, Detective Harper.
Uh, I want to say how thrilled
I am to be training with you.
You want your nickname
to be "Ass Kisser"?
- No, ma'am.
- Then rethink your approach.
- [SNIFFS]
- Yes, ma'am.
[GRUNTING]
So what is your goal
for the next six months of training?
Learn from my mistakes.
Try not to get myself
in situations I can't handle.
So play it safe?
I'm one screwup away
from getting bounced.
What am I supposed to do?
♪
Okay, so here's how today is gonna go.
You are the TO. I am the rookie.
I don't understand.
You will teach me the job
as if I were a day-one rookie
and take the lead
on every call we get,
and at the end of shift,
I will decide whether
you are worth my effort.
Yes, ma'am or should I say "Boot"?
I'm just gonna stick with ma'am.
- Mm-hmm.
- [ENGINE TURNING OVER]
- [CAR HORN HONKS]
- This is nice.
You know, back together again,
without the pressure
of being evaluated.
I can really let my freak flag fly.
No, no, not not that
I have one, like, a freak flag.
Like, no no hidden
freak agenda over here.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Don't worry.
Your freak-ret's safe with me.
Wait, what? Oh, I see.
No, no, but seriously,
I have no freak-rets.
7-Adam-15, 2-11 at 47163 San Vicente.
Copy that. Show us responding.
Hit it, super freak.
[SIREN WAILING]
[FUNKY MUSIC]
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Police!
Police!
- Police.
- Is it over?
Yeah, why don't you come out
where we can see you?
We were just in the middle of filming
when two guys with guns came in,
stole all of our equipment,
and shot the place up.
- Okay, filming what?
- Minion erotica.
- Zac, not the time.
- Sorry.
It's called Dropout TV.
We do shows
based around improv comedy.
- I own the company.
- Oh, there he goes.
He owns the place. He owns the place.
Anna
There's, like, a weird power dynamic,
but we're friends, but he's our boss.
Jacob, you guys act
like I'm obsessed with myself.
Okay, can we just stay on track?
Doubtful. Sorry, no. Sorry. We won't.
Right, I think the path forward here
is to take witness statements
from each of them
- separately.
- Mm-hmm.
And you can put your hands down.
- Oh, thank God.
- Whew.
All right, in your own words,
- just tell me what happened.
- Wow, okay, yeah.
Um, I first got into comedy
after being bullied in middle school.
Okay, so where were you
when the robbery took place?
Your Honor, let the record show
that it could not have been me,
for I was at the studio
- when the crime occurred.
- Well, this isn't a courtroom.
You're a witness, not a suspect.
I could have committed the crime.
I could have been,
you know, like, colluding.
Were you?
I thought you said I wasn't a suspect.
Okay, you're making me nervous.
I did the crime.
No, I didn't.
I'm panicking. I'm panicking.
Yeah, I can't believe we lost
all the footage we shot today.
I probably did some of my best,
most important work of my career.
My Dame Judi Butthole bit killed.
Did the suspects have accents
or any distinctive vocal qualities?
Yeah, when you say accents,
do you mean, like
[BRITISH ACCENT] Hey, I'm a guy
from, like, Birmingham!
I'm here to rob your place!
[NORMAL VOICE]
Or or maybe he was, uh
[APPALACHIAN ACCENT]
An Appalachian hillbilly
with a sinus infection.
I promise to answer your question,
but can I just ask you
something first?
- No.
- Okay.
So I just need, like, a regular,
not-funny person's opinion of this.
Like, which version is funnier?
A guy who is trying to give a eulogy,
but he's holding in a sneeze,
or a guy who's giving a eulogy,
but he's being attacked
by invisible egrets?
And don't answer yet.
I have to show you.
[IMITATING DRACULA]
Perhaps he was a vampire
[WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
From Down Under
[IMITATING DRACULA] Who, uh
who has really bad anxiety.
I want to suck your blood,
but I'm a little scared.
Oh, it's kind of coming back to me.
The suspect's license plate?
No, my Dame Judi Butthole bit.
Do you mind if I do it real
quick so it doesn't escape me?
Ooh, record me on your body cam
and then text it to me.
And then I started Dropout TV.
- What was your question again?
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
Hey, hi. I don't know
how helpful this is,
but one of the robbers
must have dropped their wallet
when they were robbing
the control room.
Wait, I know you.
Uh, you're the drone kid!
- Dax. Dan.
- Dash, but close enough.
He let you use the drone?
He straight up told me no.
Okay, well, you wanted to
film Mr. Reich in his backyard
doing yoga for blackmail purposes.
Am I the only one that went
to the HR meeting?
- We have HR?
- We had an HR meeting?
I need a background check
on Mark Wyatt.
I thought you were moving
to Vegas with your mom.
Yeah, uh, that didn't work
out, so we moved to LA.
My mom always wanted
to be a hand model,
which is going as well
as you would expect.
So I got a part-time job
with these lunatics
lovely people
while, uh, I wait to graduate
high school.
Our suspect, Mark Wyatt, has priors
- assault and for public nudity.
- At the same time?
- What would that look like?
- I've been thinking about it.
- I feel like
- No, no, no, it's katanas.
All right, we're gonna go pick him up,
and we'll be in touch.
Lots of luck.
- [GRUNTING]
- Pew, pew!
Um, tell me the six rules
of a traffic stop.
[POLICE SCANNER WHIRS AND SQUEALS]
Why'd you do that?
Is my training officer
asking why a patrol officer
would listen to a police scanner
and not just wait for dispatch calls?
I guess.
When evaluating a rookie,
a training officer
wants to see how they respond
to different scenarios.
With a rookie who is looking
to get into trouble,
the calls they choose
can be illustrative.
Armed suspect just abandoned
his car on freeway.
He's shooting! Watch out!
He's running!
Foot pursuit!
Heading east on Benedict!
Add us to that call. Mm.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO]
Trainee, why wouldn't we want
to respond to that call?
Travel time to call
is approximately 15 minutes.
A shots-fired call means
that every available unit
in the area will respond.
As last arrivals,
we will likely miss the action
and be tasked with looking
for shell casings
in the hot sun
for the next five hours.
Right. I mean, uh, good answer.
Let's look for a closer call.
All units, silent alarm
at Lincoln Bank and Trust.
2-11 in progress.
Bank robbery. Hot damn,
we're taking that one, right?
- Yes, sir. Although
- A-although what?
A thoughtful TO
might inform his rookie
that most bank robberies
can be measured in minutes.
And given our proximity
and the units that are closer,
it might be prudent to focus
on the bank robber's possible
escape route and intercept.
In case they manage to get away
before police arrive smart.
So the route they would take
to escape would be
They would head
for the 10/110 freeway exchange
and try to get lost in the
chaos of Los Angeles traffic.
Which means that they
would have to drive up
Georgia Street.
[SIREN WAILING]
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
Hands! Show me your hands!
[WHIMPERING] Ple please.
[CONTINUES WHIMPERING]
Please help. I think she's dying.
[SIRENS APPROACHING]
I think she's dying.
Okay, we have two GSW victims.
Patient number one, GSW in the
left upper quadrant abdomen,
now grossly distended and firm.
Critically unstable,
recommend OR, stat.
- I'll stay with them.
- Sounds right.
- Are you investigating this one?
- No, we are.
That is sweet, but you are
the hotshot detective.
I'm just a lowly patrol officer.
You're still a detective,
but I get your point.
Did either of them mention
the third bank robber?
Uh, no.
I didn't realize there was one.
Yeah, security guard said
there were three of them,
all masked and armed.
Third robber disappeared
when the shooting started.
Must have laid low
as the other two escaped,
then snuck away
into the chaos afterwards.
We're pulling security footage now.
Hopefully we can get a before
and after the mask came off.
How's your rookie?
Mm, I don't know yet.
You know you can't bounce him
from the program, right?
What? I was looking forward to it.
He's not the only one
being evaluated, Nyla.
You need to be made of wins
while you're back on patrol.
Firing a rookie
would be seen as a loss,
and you can't give IA reason
to punish you more
or, worse, fire you.
- [GREY SIGHS]
- Oh, Lieutenant.
Hey. Um, are you all right?
I mean, other than the uniform.
Yeah, we caught
two bank-robbery suspects.
Penn is in there watching over them
while they get prepped for surgery.
You here to see Luna?
Yeah, I'm gonna take her out to lunch.
- Oh, that's sweet.
- That's sweet.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Well, yeah.
Excuse me.
[LAUGHTER]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Luna.
Hey, what are you doing here?
Thought I'd take my wife to lunch.
Oh, that's so sweet, but Oliver
is about to do his assessments,
and I accompany
in case any patient-advocate
questions come up.
You can join us,
but it's gonna be
a lot more bodily fluids
than a normal person
wants to see in a day.
You'd be surprised
what a cop sees in a day.
Good point.
I shouldn't be too late.
Why don't we go to dinner?
Don't make a date you can't keep.
I can keep it.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
All right, good.
It really was sweet
you came to take me to lunch.
Um, look, Luna, um
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Hey, we we need help.
Let me guess. You're glued together.
You say that like it happens a lot.
More than you know.
Did you drive here like that?
Well, we didn't take the bus.
Hey, I can't help but to notice
by the position of your hands
that you were engaged
in a domestic dispute gone sticky.
No, no, no, no.
Um, she was just caressing my face.
While you choked her?
Uh, not all choking is nonconsensual.
- Huh.
- I'm gonna go get the doctor.
Wait, wait, wait, um
Please tell me there
is not glue on your hand.
- I wish that I could.
- [SIGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[KNOCK ON WINDOW]
[DISTANT BUZZER BLARES]
[BLINDS WHIRRING]
- [CLICKS TONGUE, GRUNTS]
- [LINE TRILLING]
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Why can't you just come in here?
Because I'm mad at you.
It's not enough
that I have a busy day,
I have to run damage control
on your dysfunction?
I was trying to take
my mom off your plate.
By telling her to not contact me?
I want to have a relationship
with your mother,
but not whatever this has become.
- All right, I'll text her.
- No. Hey, come on, please.
Call her today, okay?
An actual human conversation.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
Later.
[SCOFFS]
I'm telling you,
I lost my wallet yesterday.
Oh, convenient timing,
given we found it at the scene
of an armed robbery this morning.
Convenient is such lazy framing.
The universe is an infinitely
complicated place.
You know, you show your ignorance
acting like coincidences
are impossible.
The sheer amount of things
happening on a single day
number in the sextillions.
Okay, that's a made-up number.
No, it's not. A sextillion
is a thousand trillion.
And given that the world is populated
with over 8 billion people,
I'm probably way underestimating.
No, I'm definitely underestimating.
There's over 10 quintillion
insects in the world.
That's over one billion per person.
So, given that scale,
me losing a wallet,
a criminal picking it up,
and then dropping it
at a crime scene isn't unlikely.
Statistically, it's almost a given.
Well, we're still gonna
put you in a lineup
and see if the victims
can identify you.
That's fair.
How many of that, uh quintillion?
Quintillion insects are spiders?
Oh, at least a quadrillion.
There's 53,000 species
on every continent except Antarctica.
I might have to move to Antarctica.
- Not today, though, right?
- No.
Today we see if Mark
loses the lineup lottery.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Hmm, it's just like the movies
- Yeah.
- With as much diversity.
Check, test.
All right, we are about to
show you a lineup of six men.
The person or persons
involved in the robbery
may or may not be among them.
Afterwards, I'm going
to ask you, individually,
if you recognize anyone.
But do not compare notes
and do not discuss the suspects
amongst each other.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, Daddy.
Okay, the guy that's number
one looks like a tech bro
that speaks about himself
in the third person,
and he probably kisses his
immediate family on the mouth.
[LAUGHTER]
- Smoochy!
- Okay, wait.
But number three is sort of
giving, like, hey, I'm Chad.
I completely misunderstood
the message of "Fight Club,"
and I don't understand
why my Native American
Halloween costume's so offensive.
Number five looks like he spends
his Friday nights chugging beer
loaded with protein powder.
It's not drinking alone if your
two snakes are in the house.
Okay, guys, let's try to focus.
I mean, this should be fairly easy.
Uh, do you guys recognize
anyone or not?
Well, they were all wearing masks,
but these guys are
the same basic size.
You know, I feel like I might
recognize the guy's voice
- that yelled at us.
- Yeah.
Number one, could you
please repeat the phrase?
[SIGHS] Shut up and get on the ground.
Okay, I'm unimpressed
with the performance.
Could use a little more pizzazz.
I don't want to give a line read,
but there's, like,
a hundred guys in LA
that could do a better job than that.
So question
can you just sort of make them
say whatever you want?
No, they're only gonna say
what was said at the robbery.
[INHALES SHARPLY] You guys
thinking what I'm thinking?
Contestant number one,
can you please recite
Tommy Lee Jones's speech
from "The Fugitive?"
No, contestant number
suspect number one,
you do not have to do that.
- I would like it if you did.
- No one's asking.
- I would like it if you did.
- I'll do it.
- [GASPS]
- Yes.
- I love "The Fugitive."
- [SMOOCHES]
The floor's all yours.
What I want out
of each and every one of you
is a hard-target search
of every gas station,
residence, warehouse,
farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse,
and doghouse in that area.
- He's really good.
- That's really good.
- Bravo!
- Yeah.
That was really good.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Can we see a chemistry read
between four and two?
Okay, okay, okay.
Do you recognize any of these
individuals from the robbery?
I mean, if we say yes,
can we get them to say
more weird stuff?
- No.
- Can we make them kiss?
Ooh, can we make them kiss?
Can we see a kiss
between four and two?
- That would equal six.
- Ooh!
That's odd.
Super glue usually comes off
with a bit of acetone.
Do you remember the brand you used?
- Nope.
- Yes.
Uh, I-I think it was like an
- an acetone-resistant
- Resistant
Blend.
- Heavy-duty stuff.
- Yeah.
I can't really remember
the exact name.
Well, surgery is a last resort,
but without identifying
the exact adhesive you used,
I'm not sure how else to proceed.
Can someone go by your house
and get it?
Uh, no.
- Not not really.
- I'm happy to do it.
- Give me your address.
- No, that's not necessary.
- It's super nice, though.
- Oh, my God, the nicest.
Thank you, um, but we just
we couldn't ask that of you.
Listen up. You are glued to my wife.
The only person that's supposed
to touch her this long is me,
so give me your address
unless there's something at your house
you don't want me to see.
Something that has to do
with this, perhaps?
I swear I don't know what that is.
It's a firing pin for a handgun.
- Oh, my God.
- Crazy.
The question is,
why are the two of you
covered with them?
So Finley is out of surgery.
We should be able to talk to her soon,
but the, uh the girlfriend,
Ava, she died on the table.
Damn.
Hard way to learn not to rob a bank
with a former Green Beret
working as a security guard.
Yeah.
Hey, as my rookie,
shouldn't you be doing the paperwork?
- Yeah, had to give it a shot.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, I requested an officer
to come watch over Finley.
We should get back out on patrol.
Actually, we have been asked
to take a first run
at interviewing Finley.
Lopez is tied up with the feds,
combing through bank footage,
trying to figure out
how the third robber escaped.
And as her former partner
fu future partner, yeah, um
she trusts your detective skills.
Exactly.
And unfortunately for you,
I still need my TO
to show me how it's done.
Not to break the fourth wall here,
but you're a literal expert
at interrogating suspects,
and I'm not.
Only way to become
an expert is to do the work.
And as someone whose instincts
are to turn everything up to an 11,
I am curious to see
how you handle something
that requires nuance and delicacy.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How long's she been awake?
- Couple minutes.
Anyone tell her about her partner?
I know I didn't.
- Can I ask you one question?
- Sure.
What's the worst mistake
I can make in there?
Don't make it a competition
you versus her.
You guys are on the same side.
Yes, ma'am, got it. Thanks.
Finley, I'm Officer Penn.
This is Detective Harper.
- We brought you in.
- Yeah, I remember.
[BREATHES DEEPLY] How's Ava?
No one will tell me.
I'm sorry, but
she didn't survive the surgery.
She had lost too much blood.
No.
[VOICE BREAKING] No.
Why did he have to shoot her?
He didn't have to shoot her.
Our guns weren't real.
But they looked real.
- People were terrified.
- [CRYING]
It's not fair.
She only did it because of me.
Why?
I've seen your history. It's spotless.
I couldn't even dream
of getting into Stanford.
[SCOFFS] Be grateful.
You want to know
why we robbed that bank?
I am $200,000 in debt,
and that's after spending
the last three years
trying to pay off the loan.
It's higher now than it was
when I started.
What hope did we have
at a happy life together,
working two jobs just
to barely stay above water?
Listen, I get it.
I lived in my car
until a few months ago.
Debt is no joke.
And it could impact
how the DA's office
decides to prosecute you.
But if you want any hope
of leniency any
you need to tell us
who your other partner was
- in the robbery.
- It was just me and Ava.
We know that there was
a third person that got away.
We're gonna find them eventually.
But you have an opportunity
to help yourself here.
I strongly urge you take it.
I don't deserve help.
Ava's dead because of me.
[SNIFFLES]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
Hey, what are you doing here?
Hey, uh, Dropout guys
made me drive them.
- Something about a lineup.
- Right, but they left.
Are you kidding?
That's why Sam asked
for the minivan keys.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
- Can your mom pick you up?
- Yeah, I can call her.
Did they help you
at all with the line
No, stupid question.
Those guys would have
gone down with the "Titanic"
because they were too busy
making fun of the orchestra
to get on a lifeboat.
Look, don't take this the wrong way,
but why do you work with those guys?
They pay me surprisingly well.
Uh, Nolan? Sorry.
- Are you free?
- Yeah, I can be.
- I'll see you later?
- Yep.
All right.
So Grey just called.
Uh, Luna is currently glued
to a couple
who appears to be manufacturing
and selling ghost guns.
The judge just signed off on a warrant
for us to go inside and take
a look at their house.
While they remain glued to Luna?
That's gonna have to be
our secondary assignment
identifying the adhesive
they've been using
to assemble the ghost guns
so we can get them all separated.
And who are these people?
Uh, Poppy and Jasper Waterson.
Neither of them
have a criminal record,
but at one point or another,
they've both filed
restraining orders against each other.
I checked out their social media.
They are both gun enthusiasts,
obviously in a toxic relationship,
who share an inability
to think things through.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Today is an odd one.
- Right? Wait, why?
What's going on with you?
Oh, I can't even explain,
not without crying.
- Juarez, we're on the move.
- Coming. Whew.
I, uh, let Mark Wyatt go.
His girlfriend corroborated his story
of him losing his wallet yesterday.
And he was very understanding
about our confusion
and happy to get his wallet back
once we had it fingerprinted, yeah.
Mm. Hey, uh, you want to ride with me?
Ooh. Can I?
- Traitor.
- [CHUCKLES]
- So did he call his mom?
- I don't know.
I don't think so.
I don't have much confidence
that even if he does,
- it'll make things better.
- Mm.
Okay, we're coming up to it.
It's
Oh.
You know what? Let's, uh
let's back up a little bit.
[DISTANT DOG BARKING]
What's up?
Three guys are moving stuff
out of that green house
around the corner.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- And by stuff, you mean guns?
- Among other things.
So do we want to go right at them
or try something more subtle?
A little bit of both?
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
♪
[ENGINE REVVING, SIREN WHOOPS]
On the ground!
Step away from the van!
On the ground, arms and legs spread.
♪
That could not have worked out better.
♪
Looks like we found our adhesive.
- Ooh, I-I wouldn't touch that.
- Good idea.
Hey, guys, I got this out here.
Go inside.
Clear the house.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
Nolan sent a photo of the glue.
Thank God.
Oh, did he, uh
did he see anything else
while he was there?
Hey, I just got
the exact epoxy that they used.
Great. Uh, let's see
Um [SIGHS]
Um, by the way, earlier in the day,
I found these in the bathroom.
You wouldn't happen to know
who they belong to, would you?
Yeah, I've been looking
everywhere for these.
- Where'd you say you found them?
- Um, out in the hall.
[SIGHS]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
- Finley!
- Grandma?
- Finley!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You can't go there.
You can't go in there.
The hell I can't.
You're gonna have to shoot me
to stop me.
Hey, ma'am, ma'am, hold on one second.
Your granddaughter has been arrested
for a very serious crime.
My granddaughter has also been shot.
And I am the only family she's got,
so you are gonna let me
into that room.
Yes, ma'am, we we can do that.
But I need you to do something for me.
Finley can help herself by telling us
the truth about what happened.
Finley needs a lawyer.
I've got one on the way.
Now let me see her.
Of course, but Detective Harper
is gonna pat you down
and hold on to your purse.
- Whatever.
- Arms up.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[ZIPPER OPENS]
♪
- [SOBBING]
- [SIGHS]
♪
Ava's dead.
- [SOBS]
- What?
Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
What's going on?
Uh, Finley's grandma just got here.
Great, I don't need
to make a separate trip.
When the feds finished
processing the prints
from the bank, one set stood out,
although the last bank
she robbed was in 1983.
Get out. Finley's mawmaw?
Yeah, she did a nickel for it.
Got out and never robbed another bank.
Until today.
[HANDCUFFS CLICK]
Maeve.
[FINLEY SOBBING]
It's all my fault.
They did everything right in life,
and still they were
struggling so much.
It wasn't right.
Put your hands behind your back.
No, please.
No.
It wasn't right.
♪
No.
- Oh.
- Finally.
- Thank God.
- So much better.
[SIGHS IN RELIEF]
All right.
Good news is that you're free.
And this is the bad news.
All right, if you could
just turn around.
Turn around!
Hands on your head.
[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]
Hands behind your back.
Huh. Must have missed some.
Bruh.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO]
Hey, are you still
waiting for your mom?
Yeah, she's busy.
Said she'd get me when she's free.
She couldn't think of
a safer place for me to wait.
Okay. Uh, what about your dad?
Oh, he's only "break glass
in case of emergency."
Right.
Well, I just finished with an arrest,
so I can give you a ride home.
Great.
Uh, can we go
with the lights and the sirens?
No, but I'll let you use the radio
to tell dispatch she has a sexy voice.
- [GASPS] Really?
- No.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES]
- That your mom?
- No, it's Sam.
"Where's our equipment?
"You weren't supposed
to steal it for real.
I'm not paying you
unless you bring it back."
[CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES]
Second text.
"Ha ha, whoops, sorry.
"That message wasn't for you.
Please don't share it with anyone."
Prayer hands emoji.
Do I need a lawyer?
That is your right. Do you have one?
Yes, but he only does
entertainment law.
That's not gonna help you.
Look, not only did you make
false statements to police,
which is punishable
by up to six months in prison,
but you also endangered
yourself and your employees.
Look, I am so sorry.
We do crazy stunts
for our shows all the time.
I thought I was hiring actors
to play robbers.
They were supposed to interrupt
our game show
with a fake robbery
and then return all of our
stuff a few hours later.
I never thought a casting
breakdown for armed robbers
would attract actual armed robbers.
[SIGHS]
And then I was too embarrassed
to say anything,
and now I fully realize
the error of my ways.
Which is great, but it will
still be up to the DA's office
as to whether they want
to press charges.
I can't go to jail.
I couldn't even handle sleepaway camp.
Look, let's just start
with arresting
the two men that robbed you.
I'm assuming you have names
and numbers.
- I have their Venmos.
- Let's start with that.
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
Robber88.
Okay, well, I should have seen
that one coming.
[DOORS BUZZING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
All right. What a way to end shift.
As a thank-you,
paperwork can be turned in
at the top of the day tomorrow.
I'll even add an hour of OT for those
- who want to come in early.
- That's great.
- Hey, did you call your mother?
- Mm.
- I'm gonna
- Yeah, don't we have a
- Yep.
- Right behind you.
♪
I'm sorry.
I think I just need
to get some closure.
Oh, it's okay.
Look, why don't we clock out
and talk about it at home?
Okay.
I don't know about you,
but all I am thinking about
is a hot bath and 12 hours of sleep.
- [QUIETLY] Sounds nice.
- [CHUCKLES]
Are you okay?
Um
I thought I
I could broach this
in a more delicate way,
but after the day we had, I
I think it's better just
to come out and and say it.
Is there something going on
with you and Dr. Ashton?
Are you accusing me of cheating?
I'm not accusing you of anything.
But after seeing
the way you two act together and
finding his things in your car
I just want to know the truth.
First of all, you have to believe me
when I say that nothing
has happened between us.
Second of all?
I do feel something for him.
I wasn't looking for it.
In our whole marriage,
I've never even thought
about anyone else.
But this past year,
the world has opened up for me.
I finished school. I got this job.
You met another man.
It is not that simple.
Am I attracted to him? Yes.
But that doesn't mean that
I was planning on acting on it.
Doesn't mean you weren't.
Otherwise you would have said that.
Wade, please, I'm
I am trying to be honest, and
and I'm making a mess of it
because I don't
I don't really know how I feel.
I
If you hadn't confronted me
about Oliver,
there is a good chance I would
have worked through all of this
- without you ever knowing.
- I do know!
It's breaking my heart. Just
[SOMBER MUSIC]
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]
So what you need to tell me
is that whatever it is you feel
for this man
it's over as of now.
♪
And your hesitation
gives me my answer.
Here, take this.
- Wade.
- I need to take a walk.
- And then what?
- I don't know.
♪
So officially end of shift.
Did you decide whether or not
I'm a lost cause?
I want to hear your thoughts first.
Okay, well, I think I made
some real progress today,
even though it wasn't close
to perfect.
Stop.
You do know not everything
is about you, right?
I don't want to hear
your own self-analysis.
I want to hear what you thought
about me, your rookie.
Oh.
Can I not do that?
All right.
I'd say you're pretty knowledgeable
for a rookie officer.
You have natural instincts.
Though I can sometimes feel
your urge to take over,
I appreciate that you don't.
Your willingness to trust your TO
and give him a second chance,
even when you think
you might know better
when you most definitely do
know better
is admirable.
- Okay, thanks.
- Now it's your turn, right?
Wait, so so what does that mean?
Do I get to stay, or should I go home?
See you tomorrow.
[FOXING'S "HALL OF FROZEN HEADS"]
♪
- [noisemaker blares]
- ALL: Happy first day!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
We wanted to do something special
to celebrate
your first day back on patrol.
You guys, you
you are terrible, wonderful people,
and I love you.
We love you, too, and
you're gonna get through this.
Thank you. Wow, you guys
really did not have to do this.
But I am glad that you did.
It's not something I ever would
have thought to celebrate.
To be fair, you are not big
on festivities of any kind.
I only found out
when your birthday was
because I called your mama.
And I am still kind of mad
at you for that.
- Me too, and so is Wesley.
- I'm not.
Okay, so I assume that
this is not just decorations,
that there is some sort of sustenance
and and possible adult beverages.
I'm on it.
Thank you, guys, for being here.
But just to clarify,
I do want to be in my bed
- in an hour, so
- Oh, yeah, we'll be long gone.
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
O-okay.
All right, Mom.
Bye.
I did it.
It is handled.
That took too long to have been easy.
Is she okay? Are you okay?
- Yeah. No, I'm I'm great.
- Okay.
It actually no, it went
a lot easier than expected.
She understood the whole
boundaries issue pretty quickly
and, uh, acknowledged
that she can get overexcited.
Doesn't blame you or me
just blames technology
for being too fun to experience alone.
Wow. Okay.
- It sounds like it went great.
- Yeah.
Well, what took so long, then?
We started talking
about a lot of other stuff.
- Like what?
- Nosy.
Come on, tell
if you want to tell me.
[LAUGHS]
Um, work, uh, childhood memories
- Mm.
- You.
- It was nice.
- Yeah.
I-I bet you guys have a lot
to catch up on.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, she did
she told me all about her weekly trips
to the Farmers Market.
Oh, and she told me all
about her friend Linda,
who, uh, has been acting like
and this is in my mother's words
a-a shrewd bitch with a stick
shoved so far up her ass.
Yeah, I heard about Linda.
And, honestly,
I agree with your mother.
She has to go.
How'd you hear about that?
That was not on the group chat.
Nope. I
Um
I am on a separate group thread
with just your mom and Genny.
- You are unbelievable.
- Wait. No, stop.
To be fair, I did not start
that one Genny did.
But now I have two of my main sources
for vintage Tim photos
in the same place,
- so that's very nice for me.
- Oh, God.
Okay, so do I have to talk
to Genny now, too?
No, no.
But if you have
that powder-blue prom suit
lying around, that would be nice.
Okay, I'm sure I could dig
it up from somewhere.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
I wanna be Saul
to Paul in Damascus ♪
The last gasp of God
before the Rapture ♪
- Hello?
- I'm in the bedroom.
Charioted high above a glass earth ♪
I thought you couldn't be
home for another week.
I moved some things around.
- Are you naked under there?
- 100%.
With the caveat that I have
to go back in 36 hours.
We can get a lot done in 36 hours.
We can.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Just one
Yes, sir, is everything all right?
No. [SIGHS]
Luna and I are in a bad place.
I don't
I don't know
what our future looks like.
I'm here at a hotel bar,
where I'll be staying
for who knows how long.
Sounds like you need some company.
- I'll be right there.
- Thanks.
[SIGHS] Maybe not right there.
Wait, John
He won't be any more sad in 40 minutes
than he would have been in 20.
That's true. [LAUGHING]
sync & corrections awaqeded
Damn it.