The Neighborhood (2018) s08e11 Episode Script

1
Oh! I was thinking,
maybe this Saturday,
you could take Daphne
to the science center.
Oh, don't worry. I've got plans.
Mom, please don't take her
to the makeup counter again.
But we haven't figured out
her palette yet.
She barely has teeth.
She doesn't have a palate.
Not that "pa" Never mind.
Listen, guess what we're
babysitting Daphne this weekend.
- Oh.
- Yeah. 'Cause Courtney's going on her girls' trip,
and you're making me go to the
electric car expo in San Diego.
I'm not making you go.
I just said, "One of us has to
go, and it ain't gonna be me."
Thanks for clarifying.
Oh, baby, I'm excited.
We'll have fun with her.
Yeah. Now, babe, but, you know,
this weekend, we were supposed to
(NEIGHS, IMITATES GALLOPING)
Hyah.
Hyah, hyah, hyah.
(GRUNTING)
(PROTESTS)
Baby, that won't take all weekend.
(SCOFFS) Not with that attitude.
Okay! Bye!
Marty, it's all good.
Gemma and I have
a painting class Saturday night.
Your dad can watch her then.
Just bring her over whenever you want.
Yeah
Um, here's the thing.
I need you to stay at my place.
Why?
Well, you see
how mobile Daphne's getting,
and your house isn't babyproofed.
So?
Our house wasn't babyproof
when you were little,
and you survived.
Uh, yeah. Barely.
Remember the time
I jumped off the top bunk
and knocked out a tooth?
It was a baby tooth.
You were gonna lose that anyway.
Plus, you learned something.
You never did it again.
Yes, he did.
He thought the problem was
he wasn't wearing a cape.
Well, he doubled his money
with the tooth fairy.
Oh, Calvin. Come on.
Marty is right.
Oh, about what?
You guys having a healthy debate?
I want in.
- Dave.
- Mm.
Marty says that Daphne
can't stay at our house
because it's not babyproofed.
- (SCOFFS)
- Totally agree.
Thank you!
Mind your own business, Dave.
TINA: Oh, come on.
I want to watch Daphne at our house.
Yeah, of course you do.
And your place is a death trap.
I can hardly let Grover over there.
The potpourri in your powder
room looks like corn chips.
Uh, your boy
shouldn't be eating anything
- he finds in a bathroom.
- Mm.
Uh, don't worry, Marty.
- We will babyproof. Mwah.
- Thanks, Mama.
What are what are you talking
about? I didn't agree to that.
O-Okay. Um
After some thought, yeah, I agree.
Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
Welcome to the hood. ♪
Wedding gift.
Arabian oak.
Mm.
That may be, but
I don't like the look
of those corners.
What about the corners?
(GRUNTS)
Let me show you.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.
Aw.
(IMITATES BABY GRUNTING)
Oh, God!
That's a concussion.
If you're lucky.
I'd recommend
padded corner protectors.
Uh, uh, uh, done.
- D-Done?
- Yeah.
Look, Tina, come on.
Babies have survived tables
for centuries.
Calvin, we're doing this.
Now let's talk about this recliner.
(GRUNTS)
Got a toddler just crawling around.
(BABY VOICE): "Hey.
- Where's my horsey?"
- Aw.
"He's so hungry. He wants some hay."
And then you sit up. (GRUNTS)
Oh, God!
That's a broken arm.
If you're lucky.
Oh!
Daphne!
That is not Daphne.
Hey. (STAMMERS)
Hey, this is my chair, man.
Yeah. Well, I can put
a recliner lock on it.
Well, then it would cease
to be a recliner.
We'll take it, we'll take it,
we'll take it!
Okay. (STAMMERING) Is this expensive?
Can you really put a price on
protecting your child's safety?
Well, you do.
You know what, fine. Come on.
Let me see the total. Come on.
Uh, here's what
your rough estimate is so far.
(STAMMERS)
Are you babyproofing just my house
or is this all of Pasadena?
You know what? No.
I'll babyproof the house myself.
Come on.
It's time for you to go. You're out.
Hey, I-I-I think
you're making a mistake.
I think you're taking too long
to leave.
Go. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Oh, oh, oh.
- Mm.
- And take Annabelle with you.
TINA: Uh!
But that was Daphne!
That is not Daphne.
♪
Four, five,
and one more to go.
What about the cabinets?
They're full of glasses.
They're five feet
off the ground, Dave.
She's a baby.
For now.
But, Calvin, babies grow up.
Yes. And when they do,
they get to drink out of glasses.
Uh, where's my screwdriver?
I put it in the drawer.
It's very sharp.
Oh. (SCOFFS)
Okay, uh, uh, all right,
how do you open this thing?
I don't even
Well, you push, press,
- pull.
- Press? You press it?
- And then you pull? And so push?
- Oh, Calvin. This Please.
- N-No. Look, I am No.
- You push.
- Don't do that first. You push
- I You said you said press.
- you press
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You two are gonna wake Daphne.
Shh.
Dave locked my screwdriver
in the drawer.
(SIGHS): Oh, Lord.
Why don't you just call
the guy with the doll back
to come fix this?
No. No. That
Baby, that man was a psychopath.
- Mm.
- Yeah, yeah.
Look, I promise you
this house will be
perfectly Daphne-proofed.
Yeah, we'll even get rid of
the potpourri
that looks like Fritos.
Nobody else eats it, Dave.
Well, I am going
to my Sip 'n Paint art class
with Gemma, okay?
- Okay.
- If Daphne wakes up,
remember, Marty said no screens.
You can play the shape-y game
with her.
Oh. Yes.
She does love the shape-y game.
Yeah, she does.
Uh, can I play the shape-y game
with her?
No. It's a Pop-Pop thing.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
- Mwah.
- (CALVIN MUTTERS)
- I told you it was push, pull.
- You never said
- you never said press, push.
- The first push
- was implied.
- You told me to push the thing and I said
- And I told you
- That is exactly - Hey! Hey.
Press, pull, slide.
It's not that hard.
♪
Can't believe I've never been
in your bathroom before.
Always imagined
softer lighting in here.
Dave,
get your imagination out
of my bathroom.
I get naked in here.
Are you sure you're putting
that thing on right?
(KNOB CLANKS)
No.
You got me so annoyed,
the outside knob fell off.
Is that bad?
Yeah. It is now.
Because we're locked in.
Wait, so we're stuck in here?
(SIGHS)
O-O-Okay, all right.
Calvin, call 311.
What's 311?
Well, it's like 911 but not as urgent.
I left my phone outside.
Where's yours?
Well, it's charging in the kitchen.
I didn't want it to be dead
in case there was an emergency.
How's that working out for you?
Well, I'm pretty sure it's charged.
(THUD)
What was that?
Was that Daphne?
No. She can't get out of her crib.
- (DAPHNE GIGGLING)
- (PATTERING)
Now is the time she figures out
how to climb out of her crib?
A-All right. Okay, everything's fine.
The-the house
is fully babyproof, right?
Well, we never got
to those upper cabinets.
And, clearly, she's a climber.
(SIGHS)
This is very stressful.
I've got to pee.
Y-You better hold it.
- I can't hold it!
- Dave!
♪
Good evening, my fellow artistes.
I hope everyone brought
their muse tonight.
If not, try the Chablis.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES) Thank you.
- (CHUCKLES) Okay,
just a little joke, everyone.
Tonight's inspiration
is Girl in the Pink Dress
by Laura Wheeler Waring.
Ready, set,
feel.
I hope I'm not bad at this.
Oh, no, you'll be fine.
Just have fun.
And don't try
to compare yourself to me.
Some of us just have a natural talent.
Oh, well, those were
the teacher's words last time,
and I can't judge. I mean,
she would know what
she's talking about. (LAUGHS)
Gemma, what are you doing?
I'm making sure Grover's
being safe with the microwave.
He's making himself dinner
for the first time.
Gemma, he's 14.
When I was seven, I was frying bacon.
- Give me that.
- Um
Less of this
and more of this.
(CHUCKLING)
And, besides,
Grover needs to learn life skills.
You just did Malcolm's laundry.
Scuse me, I did not.
Well, I didn't fold it.
Well, I folded the fitted sheets.
I mean, no man can fold fitted sheets.
G-Gemma, just shut up and let's paint.
♪
H-Hey, Daphne.
It's your Uncle Dave.
Yeah. Now, you know
what a phone is, right?
Yeah. N It's right there.
Now pick it up.
Yeah. Yay!
You did it! And now bring
the pho (STAMMERS)
Wh-Why did you throw the phone?
She's got a good arm
for a toddler, right?
DAVE: Well, now she's holding
a stuffed animal.
Wh-What? Gimme.
That's not a stuffed animal, Dave.
That's Sandra.
Who's Sandra?
My favorite wig.
I've never seen you wear a wig before.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's Tina's.
It's named after Sandra from 227.
Used to have a crush on her
back in the day.
Okay, no,
take-take-take that off, baby.
Da Yeah, okay.
- Okay, yes. She's picking up the phone again.
- Okay.
Daph. Daph.
Bring the phone to Pop-Pop.
Yeah, j-just slide it under the door.
Come on. C
N-No, no, no, no, no. (STAMMERS)
- She's walking away.
- (LINE RINGING)
She's calling somebody.
Who could she be calling?
All right, Calvin, get out of the way.
Daphne, don't worry!
Uncle Dave is coming!
- (GROANS)
- Oh.
All right. Come on, come on. Get up.
You all right. You-you good?
All right,
let's try the other shoulder.
Come on.
♪
(EXHALES)
- Malcolm.
- Oh, no!
Damn it, Trey.
How did you get in here?
I have a key.
I didn't give you a key.
I didn't say you did.
Hey, this green juice
in your fridge
it has kale in it.
That's on purpose, Trey.
Weird.
Why are you doing slo-mo kung fu?
Uh, that is tai chi, okay?
It's about clearing the mind,
finding my balance, and
centering my aura.
Ooh!
What?
Man, you forgot where you came from.
- (SIGHS)
- We used to eat gas station hot dogs.
Now you're drinking salad?
Please, I am the same man, okay?
(SCOFFS) Now,
if you don't mind
scooting over (CLEARS THROAT)
I have to carry the moon.
Uh, well, when you set the moon down,
you've got, like,
six missed calls from your dad.
Oh! What?! He must've forgot
his streaming passwords again.
What's the emergency?
I got to catch him
before he changes them, Trey.
$18 for this?
For $18,
the old Malcolm would've got
a Big Gulp and a shirt.
♪
Well, all right.
You're doing pretty good for a rookie.
But a little tip
the painting's called
Girl in Pink Dress,
so maybe a little less yellow.
It just spoke to me.
I think she wants to be yellow.
Ugh, this rosé is terrible.
It's white wine.
You dipped your paintbrush in it.
Huh.
Oh, in that case, it was pretty good.
Oh, man, my mom's
not answering either.
You know,
this stuff really grows on you.
Like, the first two
didn't do much for me,
but, this third one, it's hitting.
Three? You owe me $54, Trey.
Ooh, I'm not paying that for juice.
I can't just sit here.
I got to go check on my parents.
Hey.
You think my skin looks better?
Okay. Wow.
A lot of good painters here tonight.
But this person was doing
more sipping than painting.
Whoa.
Whoever painted this has a real gift.
Mm. Well,
- I have been here before, so
- (CHUCKLES)
- You know how it is. (CHUCKLES)
- The
the emotions, the pain,
the deep tones.
You really captured
the Black experience.
Oh, stop it. But
thank you.
- (CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES): Oh, wow.
Thank you so much.
No, not that one.
Wait, what?
This one.
This one screams Harlem Renaissance.
It does?
Yay!
But-but it's called Girl in Pink.
And-and that one is in yellow.
But it's not about copying.
It's about interpreting.
Yes.
And that is what
a natural artist does.
Very good.
Yours is good, too, Tina.
Oh, yes, yes! It's very nice.
I would pull back
on the shading a little bit.
- Yeah?
- But, you know,
art is subjective, so
if you like it,
I love it, my sister.
Very good job.
(CHUCKLES)
She was drinking paint!
♪
Okay. We're ready.
I've used dental floss
to secure this loofah brush
to the accordion-fold shaving mirror.
Now all I have to do is
extend it into the other room
and drag the phone under the door.
You ready?
I'm ready to watch you do it.
Okay.
Watch and learn.
Uh
Oh, yeah.
You did your thing, MacGyver.
Well, I don't see you coming up
- with any better ideas.
- Ah.
You know what?
The shape-y game.
What?
The shape-y game.
That's what Daphne and Pop-Pop do.
We match the shapes with the holes.
Okay, well, play the
shape-y game with her. Do it.
(STAMMERING) Daphne? Uh
Daph-Daph puts the square
in the square hole ♪
Pop-Pop puts the star
in the star hole ♪
Then what does Daph-Daph do? ♪
Well, Daph-Daph puts
the circle in the circle hole ♪
Come here, baby. Yes, yes.
And then, and then ♪
Pop-Pop puts the circle in the ♪
- Oh! Daph-Daph!
- Yes! Yes!
- She saved Pop-Pop!
- Okay, okay.
- Go get Daphne.
- Okay.
Daph-Daph?
Daphne?
- Where is she?
- Daph?
Daph-Daph.
- Where is she?
- Daphne.
It's no time to play hide-and-seek.
And it's never the time
for this type of vandalism.
Dave.
- Help me find her before, you know
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Oh.
- Hey, hey.
Oh! Uh
Marty! Wow!
Hey, you're
So you're-you're home early.
Oh. Yeah, I-I decided
not to spend the night.
You know, the people
at electric battery conventions
are not the party animals
you would expect.
Go figure, huh?
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Uh
- Wow.
- Yeah.
You let Daphne really trash the place.
Oh, man. Well, you know, Pop-Pop time.
You know, I-I can't say no. I can't.
(CHUCKLES) All right, well, I'll
just go get her out of her crib.
Yeah, she's not in her crib.
What? She should be asleep now.
And she might be.
As far as we know.
Dad?
(STAMMERS)
We're playing hide-and-seek.
And, you know, we're doing
the seeking. That's all.
Oh. Okay, well,
game's over, because
(SILLY VOICE):
the Daddy Monster always finds
his Daphne!
Oh-ho-ho!
(DAPHNE GIGGLING)
Daphne!
Ah!
I found you!
Thank God she's still in the house.
MARTY: Dad?
What's going on here?
Okay.
You know what,
full disclosure is, uh
we were babyproofing the house,
as you requested,
and Dave and I
got stuck in the bathroom
for a few minutes.
A few minutes? More like two hours.
David.
You said "full disclosure."
(PROTESTS)
L-Look, you know, here's the
thing, is that Daphne is fine.
And the house was babyproof,
so everything was safe.
And even more important
your mother needs to not know
anything about any of this.
Okay, fine.
So how are you gonna explain the wall?
What wall?
Oh, damn.
♪
♪
- (DOOR OPENING)
- (TINA SIGHS)
GEMMA: Come on, Tina.
You're not really mad at me, are you?
I don't know.
I mean, you know so much
about the Black experience
why don't you tell me how I feel?
So, uh, fun night?
Sure. Is Daphne asleep?
Oh, actually, Marty
came back early from San Diego
and took her home.
But we had fun. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, good.
Oh, wow.
Wow!
Oh!
This is fantastic.
Talk about Harlem Renaissance.
Man, you did your thing, babe.
(CHUCKLES)
Uh
Actually, I did my thing.
Whoa.
- Gem-Gemma, you did this?
- Mm-hmm.
Have you been taking
secret art classes?
Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
Hey, hey, but, oh,
this one is nice, too.
Wow. This is real
You know what?
I actually like this one better.
It's the shading that I love.
Uh, fun hanging out with you tonight!
She did not enjoy the class.
Gosh, Gemma,
this is really, really good.
Aw!
Oh.
Why does your breath smell like paint?
Um
Why is Sandra out?
Dave?
Were you in Tina's closet?
- Yes.
- Yes. Yes.
And why are there wet Cheerios in her?
David.
Did you put Cheerios in Tina's wig?
- Yes.
- Dave!
Should I be worried?
Yes.
Hey, Pop!
Are you okay?
Yeah. Uh, why?
Because you called me,
like, six times.
Ooh. We should scoot.
You called Malcolm six times?
Why?
Malcolm,
I-I-I called you because
I forgot the password
to the streamers.
Oh. Man, see? I knew it.
Pop, they are all saved on your phone.
You just got to turn on
the facial recognition.
I don't want them people
knowing my face.
Mm-mm.
Well, I'm gonna let you two
figure it out.
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
- Good night.
- What happened to the wall?
- Wall?
- Oh.
Calvin.
I'm out.
- Me, too.
- No, you're not.
It was Dave.
sync & corrections awaqeded