The Neighborhood (2018) s08e20 Episode Script

1
Okay, Butler family,
groom in the middle.
- Okay. Which one?
- I'm sorry?
We have two grooms.
They're both getting married.
Oh. Nobody told me.
Well, we didn't want you
to charge us double.
- (LAUGHING)
- You got that right. Yeah.
- Now I'm going to.
- Ooh.
- Smile!
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
(GASPS) Oh!
- Look at the grooms!
- Hey.
Oh. Look at you.
Oh, the Johnsons are here.
Why don't you all get in the picture?
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- CALVIN: Whoa.
Whoa, whoa. I thought
these were family photos.
Oh, okay. Here we go.
Calvin, ever since the Johnsons
said that they were moving
to Michigan,
you have been in a foul mood.
- They are family.
- Do I look like T-Mobile?
- Oh.
- This ain't no friends and family plan.
Calvin.
Come on. Calvin, look,
this is a day of love.
We are in a room filled with love.
Why can't you just admit how you feel?
Oh, I would admit how I feel,
but we're in a church.
All right, okay, listen.
Okay, Dave,
why don't you go stand on that?
- Okay. Here we go.
- All right.
Let's get married, baby!
- Hey!
- No!
- No, no. No, no, no, no!
- (SPANKS)
- Mommy!
- You, turn around!
It is bad luck to see the bride
before the ceremony!
- What's up, y'all?
- Ahh! No!
No, no! No, no, no, no!
You two stare at the corner
until you get the "all clear."
Thank you. Whew!
- All right, Butlers.
- (ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)
- We're getting close.
- Okay.
- Oh, this is so exciting!
- Come on. Let's take our seats.
Guys, come on.
What are we supposed to do now?
I don't know, I'm afraid to move.
Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
Welcome to the hood. ♪
- ♪
- (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Hey!
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my pleasure
to introduce to you all,
for the very first time,
Mr. and Mrs. Butler,
and Mr. and Mrs. Butler!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
We're actually the Pridgeon-Butlers.
And I'm contractually obligated
to keep my name.
It's on a line of shampoos.
I said what I said.
The Butlers, everybody!
(CHEERING)
I'm starving. Is this
what being pregnant is like?
- Pretty much. Yo, meatball man.
- Yes!
- Mmm.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
(MUTTERING WITH FULL MOUTHS)
I can't believe I'm going
to miss the babies being born.
Ah, it's okay, Gemma.
You'll come back and see 'em.
Of course. And you'll all come
to Michigan, right?
- Right. - I barely know you.
- Yeah. I mean
Ugh. Why the face?
What's with the caviar?
I don't need a lot of tiny
little eggs on a big egg.
Calvin, this is a classy affair.
It's not a yardecue.
Oh, I know it's not a yardecue,
because if it was a yardecue,
nobody would be putting
pre-ground pepper on lamb chops!
I'm just glad my father's
not alive to see this.
(LAUGHS)
- Mercedes.
- Mm.
You made my boy
the happiest man in the world.
- Mmm.
- Hey, uh,
could I get you two
to sign a copy of your book?
Yeah, of course.
Although, Malcolm wrote it.
I just put my name
Hold on. How did you get this?
- Uh
- Yeah, uh, the book isn't even out yet, Trey.
Oh, uh, I just grabbed a few
out of the box that
was in your living room when
I was house-sitting for you.
I did not ask you to house-sit!
Oh, come on, man. You don't have to.
We've been friends for 30 years, dawg.
Grover?
What's with the bags?
Mr. Calvin,
I come to you now in my hour of need.
I refuse to move to Michigan.
And I'd like to claim asylum
in your house.
Uh, that's not happening.
Would you let someone
force you to move to Michigan?
When I was 15? Yes.
Come on.
Help a brother out.
Okay. I see you're pulling out
all the tricks.
Nice try.
But go on now.
Mr. Calvin,
usually, I would go on now.
But this time,
the stakes are too high.
Oh. Damn.
I've never had anybody not go on now.
So, when I'm gone,
we'll have girls' trips, right?
Oh, definitely. We'll meet
somewhere in the middle.
What's halfway
between L.A. and Kalamazoo?
Nebraska.
What's three-quarters of the way?
- Let's just say Vegas.
- Vegas!
- Whoo!
- (GEMMA LAUGHS)
More. More. Come on. More, more.
More, more, more, more,
more, more, more, more.
Sir, sir, that is enough pepper.
Of course.
You know better than I do.
But you don't!
Sorry about Grover camping out
at your house.
Camping?
He's basically asking me to adopt him.
Look, this whole moving thing
is really making him act out.
Well, you're tearing him away
from his home.
It's selfish.
His words.
Well, I'm sorry he feels that
way, but it's not his choice.
Exactly. Because you and Dave
are making the decision for him.
And he feels betrayed.
It be your own people.
- His words.
- Whoa.
Oh, come on.
Calvin, Grover said,
"It be your own people"?
Yes.
And I told him,
it was cultural appropriation.
But he used it right.
- I'll take over.
- No, no, no, no.
Ground pepper. Go on, get 'em.
- (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (DOOR OPENS)
I love how chill you guys are
about the parental controls.
Yeah.
I'm parental controls.
(TURNS TV OFF)
I'll be in my room.
You don't have a room.
- Here he is.
- Yeah.
Hey, Dad, while we have you alone,
we, uh we got you something.
- What's this?
- Well, it's a token of appreciation
- from me and Malcolm.
- Yeah.
Wow. A watch.
It-It's beautiful.
Read the engraving.
"For the man who taught us to be men."
Well, guys, I
I don't even know what to say.
Thanks, sons.
(LAUGHTER)
- We got him.
- We did.
- Yeah, you did good.
- Yeah, we did.
And, uh (CLEARS THROAT)
One more thing.
Uh, one more thing?
Brown Sugar Nights.
This is your book?
- Yup. First copy.
- Oh.
- You got him one more thing?
- Shut up.
Read the acknowledgments.
"To my father, Calvin Butler,
who never lost faith in me."
Blindsided here. (LAUGHS)
Of course I'd never lose faith
in you, son.
- Well, I almost did.
- Hmm.
You know, Pop,
it wasn't that long ago,
I felt like I was going nowhere,
living back home.
But you believed in me.
Now I'm a novelist, I'm married,
I'm about to have a kid.
Well, you got
you got two kids from me.
- Wow. Thank you for this, son.
- Yeah.
- And you got me a watch.
- That's right.
Well, we got you the watch. Ah!
MALCOLM: Oh, hey, Mama.
Perfect. Uh, we got something for you.
Uh, one thing, right, Malcolm?
Aw.
You didn't have to get me anything.
BOTH: Yes, we did.
Yeah, I know you did,
'cause I raised you right.
Oh, my goodness, it's so beautiful!
I love it!
Oh, well, I-I picked it out
for you, Mommy.
And-and Daddy's, too.
(MALCOLM MUTTERING)
Thank you, baby.
That's for being the best mama ever.
Oh.
- Hey, babe? Check it out.
- Yeah, baby.
Oh, nice!
And I'm on the first page
of Malcolm's book.
Aw.
Ooh, that's a whole lot of skin.
Yeah. We gonna have
to read this together.
- (TINA MUMBLES)
- (CALVIN LAUGHS)
- (CALVIN STAMMERING)
- We can do more than read.
- Okay?
- (MUMBLES)
Are you happy now, Malcolm?
- No. No, no.
- Yeah. No, look, look.
- Look what you did. No, don't run away.
- No.
Look at what you did, Malcolm.
Got them a freaky-ass book.
Baby, before we go back out there,
can you please
just fix this mess with Dave?
There's nothing to fix.
Dave's moving.
We'll get new neighbors.
(SIGHS) Baby, it's just weird to me.
Everything is changing.
We're about to start a whole
new chapter in our lives.
The boys are married now.
They're gonna have their hands full
with their new families soon.
Honestly, it's just scary.
It's going to be okay when
it's just the two of us, right?
Is that what you're worried about?
- Well
- Babe,
you're looking at this all wrong.
All right? We're not losing our kids.
We're gaining more of each other.
I guess that's true.
It is true.
- We can do whatever we want to.
- Yeah.
- We can travel, take a cruise.
- Yeah.
We can visit all the countries
where they drive
on the wrong side of the road.
(BOTH LAUGH)
We can do whatever,
because we are Calvin and Tina Butler.
- Yes, we are.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Tina.
Sorry about all this.
The last thing you need today
is Grover squatting in your house.
Grover's in our house?
Long story, babe.
But the upshot here is,
he is not very happy
about this Michigan thing.
TINA: (SIGHS) Yup.
Neither am I.
You-you think we are?
Do you know that moving is one
of life's top five stressors,
- right next to death of a spouse?
- Really?
- Does no one read my Substack?
- Uh
When we moved here?
Oh, my God, that was so stressful.
I remember the first time
I tried to get on the freeway.
There were so many cars,
and nobody would let me in,
and I had to pull over
onto the shoulder.
Yeah, and you called me,
and I had to come get you.
Yeah, and you brought me
a smoothie and a Xanax.
You know, I remember when you
first took me to the barbershop.
Ha. Yeah, I still don't know
what I was thinking there.
I learned so much.
Who knew that you could
buy shrimp at a barbershop?
Where am I going
to buy shrimp in Michigan?
Well, at a store.
But I hear you.
Oh. Uh, you're still here.
Uh, the bartender is out
of Butterbeer,
which is interesting, because
someone thought
that Butterbeer was silly.
Turns out, it's super popular.
Gemma. Mama.
Well, that's because
you invited so many nerds.
Also, uh, Courtney's
Grandmama Willie Ann
- Oh, yeah.
- She lost her dentures.
So, uh, has anybody seen a set
of bottom teeth?
Oh, that reminds me.
Remember that time
you were watching Grover,
and he lost a baby tooth,
and you gave him a ten-dollar bill?
(CHUCKLES) That's when I knew
I needed glasses,
'cause I thought it was a one.
Yeah, I remember that,
and we got so mad,
because we used to only get a quarter.
Yeah, it took me four teeth
to get one can of soda.
You know, that's what's gonna
make this so hard.
We've had so many
great memories in this house.
I mean, the amount of times that
I've heard, "Get out, Dave."
(LAUGHTER)
And you never got out.
- Until now.
- Until now.
We have company?
You don't live here.
We're just reminiscing, honey.
Talking about how hard
this move is going to be.
Yeah. Malcolm and Marty have
been like my big brothers.
Yes, we have.
Hey, uh, you remember when
we taught you how to play poker?
Oh, yes.
And you gave me my first beer.
What?!
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
You gave him a beer?!
This is going to be hard on all of us.
Even though some of us won't say it.
- Here they are.
- Hey, sorry to bother you,
but did you want to I don't know
join your wedding?
Oh.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
No, no. No, no, no.
You, too.
Hey, buddy,
glad to see you back out here.
Yeah, but don't expect me to be
my usual bubbly self, okay?
I won't. But remember,
you were not on board at all
when we moved here.
But you found your place.
Yes. And you know what?
In Kalamazoo, you're gonna be
the cool California kid.
You think that's true?
Absolutely.
You've been to Laker games.
You-you go to school with
an extra from Stranger Things.
You saw Judge Judy in a Whole Foods.
I'll be a god.
Son, we both will.
Okay.
JULIAN: Your attention, please.
And now, it's that time.
Let's hear it
for the father of the grooms,
Mr. Calvin Butler!
- (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
- Yeah! Let's go, Pops!
CALVIN: Hey, Tina, come here.
Well, uh
(CLEARS THROAT) Thanks for
coming tonight, everybody.
We appreciate you being here.
It's a lovely night.
I see so many friends
and neighbors here, and
this is the greatest
neighborhood in the world.
TINA: Yes, it is.
And Tina and I are blessed
in so many ways.
(CHEERING)
Malcolm, Marty,
you've grown to be great men.
Courtney, Mercedes,
welcome to the family.
Thank you.
And soon, you'll be
having families of your own.
Well, uh, uh, Marty kind of
got a bit of a head start.
Uh, head start, right here.
Oh, and, uh, for the record,
we will not be babysitting
all three grandbabies at once.
Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh! Yes, we will!
Thank you, Mom.
Well, I stand corrected.
(LAUGHTER)
And while this night is
about celebration,
I have to acknowledge
that it's also bittersweet.
While we are welcoming
new family members,
we're saying goodbye to others.
The Johnsons.
MAN: Johnsons!
And I'm-I'm gonna have
to keep it real, y'all.
You know, I wasn't feeling Dave
at first, you know.
Remember the little short-shorts?
Just inappropriate.
- Inappropriate.
- Inappropriate.
(CALVIN MUTTERING)
But you know,
since I am keeping it real,
I have to say that
you turned out
to be a great neighbor, man.
And?
And, um and a good friend.
- Oh.
- CALVIN: Yeah, there we go.
That's good.
(DAVE SIGHS)
And?
Hey, whatever, man.
My best friend, y'all.
(CHEERING)
And?
I'm going to miss you, man.
I love you, too.
I I I did not say that.
I did not say that.
Yes, you did.
- I speak Calvin. Okay, my turn.
- Yeah, Dave
And I'm gonna keep this short
and sweet. Don't worry about it.
Now to quote one of our great poets,
who spoke of the power of love
Of course,
I'm speaking of Huey Lewis.
I've got some news for you.
The journey is long, but the destin
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- Hey!
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪
Well, do you really need to take
that box of charging cables?
Well, I don't know what they go to.
What if I find the thing later?
How am I going to charge it?
"Take to L.A."?
Did you bring those with you
when you moved here?
I don't know what they go to!
Hey, uh, Calvin?
Yeah, man.
I want you to have this.
Thank you, Dave.
I'll I'll treasure it.
What is it?
Well, it's called SCOBY.
It's the mother yeast
I've used for years
to make my famous kombucha.
Well, uh, uh, I can't accept this.
No. No, no, no.
No, Mother is far too delicate
to make the trip.
But now you can make your own booch.
And a piece of me will
always be in your gut.
We'll throw it away
as soon as they leave.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna leave it
for the new neighbors.
Oh. Mr. Calvin?
- Yeah.
- Um
Thank you, Mr. Calvin, for everything.
You've taught me a lot.
Okay.
Oh!
(CHUCKLES) Well, all right.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)
Well
I guess this is it.
- Yeah.
- Oh, wait. I almost forgot.
Oh. Is this the key to our house?
We'd only been here a few weeks
when you gave it to us.
It meant so much.
It was the greatest day of my life.
And bear in mind, I married him
and gave birth to his child.
You know what? Thank you, but
you keep it.
Our door is always open.
This neighborhood will always
be your home.
Well, all right.
Oh, come on. Ah.
Mmm.
(MUMBLES) Come on, buddy.
Give it here, man.
- Get in there.
- TINA: I'm gonna miss you, lady.
- Dave.
- GEMMA: Me, too. You take care.
- Tina.
- Oh, Dave.
- Take care, man.
- Okay. Here we go.
- All right.
- Bye, guys.
- Love you.
- Seat belt, Grover. Seat belt.
- Love you, too.
- All right, guys. Be good.
TINA: Aw. Gonna miss you.
Y'all make sure y'all come back
and visit anytime!
But call first.
Well, that's that.
This neighborhood
will never be the same.
So, you ready
to meet our new neighbors?
I'm gonna need a minute.
I'm not ready to break in a new Dave.
(LAUGHS)
sync & corrections awaqeded
Welcome to the block, welcome
to my neck of the woods ♪
Where it never was perfect
but it's better than good ♪
Check on my neighbors and do
what we can do for them ♪
It's new for some, for others
it's the veteran hood ♪
It's the block, not a lot,
but it's all we really got ♪
As they gentrifying the areas,
they will never stop ♪
So the next-door gotta stick
together, and we know that ♪
Would you watch mine? 'Cause
you know I got your back ♪
Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
Welcome to the hood. ♪