Futurama s10e01 Episode Script

1
[vocalist]
What is, what is, what is the future? ♪
Welcome to the world of tomorrow! ♪
[upbeat theme music playing]
[glass shatters]
[theme concludes]
[hypnotic music drones]
[audience laughter and applause on TV]
You people make me sick!
Hi, Bender.
All happy and cozy.
How are you two so perfect for each other?
- Aw, it's not so complicated.
- Yeah.
- We're just so different.
- We're just so similar.
[dramatic sting]
What?!
You think we're similar?
Well, sure.
We're like two bats in a belfry.
No, we're not.
We have completely
different personalities,
and they complement each other.
- Opposites attract.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
I'm takin' note of the exact moment
I lost interest.
[debris clatters]
I'm lookin' for somethin' a lot
shallower in a relationship.
Let's hit da club!
[electronic club music playing]
[spaceships zooming]
The Hip Joint?
Oh-ho! I haven't been there in ages.
Me neither.
We're so similar in that way.
[sputters]
That place sucks burps.
We're going someplace hotter.
[elevator dings]
[footsteps shuffling]
[elevator chimes]
[doors thud]
Down, please.
[hinges creak]
You know the password?
Uh, no.
Let's just leave.
Sorry. You can't leave
unless you know the password.
[shrieking] Haw-haw!
[knife thwacks]
[all screaming]
[jazzy music playing]
[electricity zapping,
flames whooshing]
[zapping, liquid splashing]
Oh, it's unbearable!
I didn't say stop.
[all screaming]
- [all grunt]
- Ow!
Phew.
Good thing those spikes retracted
at the last second as far as I know.
[Bender gasps]
Ah, welcome, old friends!
What are we drinking tonight?
Oh no, it's the Robot Devil!
Can I get a Flaming Navel?
[ice clatters]
[liquid pouring,
flames whooshing]
That'll be $10. Two straws?
No, we have completely different tastes.
I'll have, uh the Flaming Navel.
That's the same thing I got.
It is?
Then, uh, no umbrella for me.
That'll be 10 more dollars
for the same total amount of liquor!
[maniacally laughing]
Welcome to Hell.
Alright!
Time to start hittin' on people.
Hey, you there!
[whistles]
- Who, me?
- Who, me?
Yeah! You single?
- I'm afraid not.
- I'm afraid not.
[both moaning]
Ugh oh.
Hey, isn't that Barbot?
The Bronze Bombshell?
[Barbot giggles]
Oh, mama!
I've always wanted to put the moves
on a world-famous
whatever she does, if anything.
Don't wait up!
[patrons chattering]
Can I help you?
Yeah, uh, I'm here to hit on Miss Barbot.
Miss Barbot is a professional celebrity.
She doesn't see just anyone.
[laughing] Oh, she'll see me.
I doubt it.
Hey, baby.
Is it hot in Hell or is it just you?
Is somebody talking words?
I, I thought I heard, like, a word noise.
Many ladies say my noises
are loud, but deadly.
It sounds like a squ-wirrel
or something.
Someone throw it a hot wing.
Man! It's like she can't even see me.
I can't see you.
[hinges squeaking]
My neck joint doesn't tilt down that far.
Hey, wait a second.
[soft, tense music playing]
Am I short?
No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, wait.
Short? Yes.
I thought you said smart.
[soft, dramatic music playing]
I thought I was one of
the tallest guys in the world,
and now it turns out I'm short?!
[metal clangs]
[Bender sobbing]
Oh, lordy-loo.
If you want to be taller,
why not just use your extendo-legs?
Don't you think I've thought of that?!
- Yes.
- Well, I didn't!
[legs whirring]
But I can only do it for a few seconds
before my stabilizers give out.
Whoa, whoa! [stammering]
[exclaims]
[thuds]
[metal clanks, clicking]
I'm pathetic.
I'll understand
if you've lost all fear of me.
Aw, nonsense, robot.
You make up for your small size
with a big personality.
- You sure do.
- That's right.
- Really?
- No.
You were actually correct for once.
[tablet beeping]
Statistically, short men earn 12% less
and are 23% less respected.
Cork it, stumpy!
I'm docking your pay.
Husband! You forgot somethin'!
My manwich!
Thank you, dear.
You probably couldn't see it
up on that not-very-high shelf.
[smooches]
Aw, see that, Bender?
LaBarbara's way taller than Hermes,
but it doesn't get in the way
of a happy marriage.
That's my job. [laughs]
And look, Bender,
- Leela and I are exactly the same height.
- Completely different heights.
You think we're the same height?
- I think whatever you think.
- I don't think you do.
Who cares? We're talkin' about me,
and I hate being short!
I have had it up to
[metal creaking]
here!
Well, schmuckily, there's
an easy way to deal with this.
You just need to dress tall, like Scruffy.
[dramatic sting]
Vertical stripes. Mm-hmm.
[gentle upbeat music playing]
[water sloshing]
[door bell jingles]
[funky disco music playing]
Dang! That's the tallest short guy
I've ever seen.
- Ladies.
- Hello, handsome.
[glass shattering]
[yelping]
[water splashes]
[Bender grunting, groans]
Goodbye, Bender.
[Bender muttering]
[feet clanging]
[slurping]
Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop!
[somber music playing]
[grunting]
Bubblegum, can I ask you somethin'?
Sure, Bender.
You know my good friend, Wembanyumyum?
It's Wembanyama.
- Wembanyoyo?
- Eh.
Nice to meet you down there.
What's on your mind?
Well, I've recently
always wished I was tall.
What's it like?
Bender, the true measure of a man
is not his physical stature.
Not when you're short, it ain't.
[both laughing]
Being tall does have some downsides.
I mean, sometimes women
are into you just for your height.
Really?
And people just assume
you're great at basketball.
Even if you are!
[both laughing]
Life up here is legit rough,
my friend, but it's cool.
- Damn cool.
- And not that rough.
The point is, you need to be happy
with who you are.
Which can be difficult for short guys.
But, hey, keep trying.
Thank you.
[crying] I knew I could
count on basketball players.
I understand now
that I need to love myself
for who I am.
Or
[dramatic music plays]
So what do ya say?
You make me taller
in return for my immortal soul?
Come on, Bender.
You've sold me your soul
six or seven times already!
I'm swimming in soul IOUs over here!
Oops, I forgot my IOUs.
Will you accept an IOIOU?
Forget it.
I'm through torturing souls anyway.
I've moved into a new,
much more evil business.
Have you heard of health insurance?
Sure. It's a basic right of
everyone in our society,
except humans.
I simply have one of
my in-network physicians
peddle you a prescription
[printer whirring]
and voila!
[pills rattling]
Robot growth pills to treat
your chronically normal height.
Neat. And is there a catch,
O' King of Lies?
Your copay is three cents,
but I'll bill your insurance $27,000!
[maniacally laughing]
[flames crackling]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are these steroids?
Don't be absurd.
Steroids can't affect gears and circuits.
[chuckles] I feel stupid for askin'.
These are D-roids, digital steroids.
[gentle music playing]
[sniffing]
Don't take D-roids
if you're allergic to D-roids.
[bike bell rings]
Side effects include
dry, rusty eyes, droid rage,
antenna shrinkage, loose or watery bricks,
athlete's ass
[flames whoosh]
various
deliciously ironic consequences,
and frequent death.
Ask your devil if D-roids
are right for you.
Questions?
[projector whirring]
Yeah. Are D-roids right for me?
[curious music playing]
[top pops, pills rattle]
I don't know, Bender.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
[echoing]
Oh yeah! Come on, baby!
Eat that thing! Woo!
That's what I thought.
[gulps]
[metal rumbles, creaking]
Go, Bender! Go, Bender! Go
Uh-oh.
[dramatic music playing]
[Bender groaning]
[metal crackling]
[groaning continues]
[dramatic music playing]
Which concludes our mandatory seminar
on robot harassment.
It's too bad Bender wasn't here.
He loves harassing people.
Say, where is the robot?
[Bender Bending Rodríguez]
Up here, dummy!
[all gasp]
[head bangs]
Ow!
Hey, I've always wanted to
hit my head on a doorway,
and now I can.
[head thudding]
[Bender chuckling]
Wow!
I take back everything I ever muttered
about you being a short jerk.
I'm 40% taller!
[metal clangs]
[pills rattle]
[dramatic music plays]
Bender, you nincombot!
Don't tell me you took D-roids!
Okay, I won't.
Hey, everyone else!
I took D-roids! Now come on!
Let's have an office basketball game
for the first time ever.
[head thuds]
[Bender chuckles]
That's right. I'm slam dunkin'!
[Bender grunts]
[air hisses]
[signal drones]
Woo! I'm not fittin' in an airplane seat!
Yeah! I'm givin' out awkward crotch hugs!
[fans whipping]
I bet I can't even
stand up under that fan.
[metal clatters]
Told ya!
[ambient street noise]
Hello, ladies.
Notice anything taller about me?
Taller, sure, but nothin' else
about you changed.
Wanna catch a movie later?
Oh, so now you're interested,
but yesterday you rejected me
'cause I didn't meet your
"unrealistic physical standards"?!
Well, listen up, missy!
I'll pick you up at eight!
[dramatic music playing]
President Calculon.
We have evidence of a scandal
so scandalous
that the mere sight of it
will blow the lid off everything!
That's a hell of a big lid.
Show me this shocking evidence.
[latches clicking]
[tense music playing]
[Bender]
'Scuse me! Make a hole.
Suck in that gut, and okay.
I think these are our seats.
Uh, maybe those.
Hang on, lemme check the tickets.
Hang on, looking Lemme see this
[muttering]
Oop, wrong movie.
[dramatic sting on movie]
[audience shouting]
- [Randy] The robots have to go!
- No, you shut up!
Hang on. I looked but not carefully.
Let me see that evidence again.
[dramatic sting on movie]
[audience shouting]
[finger tapping]
Yo, take off the hat
after I punch it off.
I mean, before I punch it off!
This is discrimination, sir!
What do you have against people of height?
[gasps] Barbot? Oh, my gosh!
Uh, you wanna go out sometime?
Hey, hey, she's already got a boyfriend,
and he's outta town.
Ah, come on.
Let's just settle this like gentlemen
and switch dates.
You callin' me a gentleman?!
Let me see that evidence
a third and final time.
[dramatic music playing]
[punches thudding]
[metal crashing]
[audience shouting]
[police siren wailing]
[Officer URL] Do you recognize the
individual who initiated the altercation?
Alta-whuh?
I think you've mistooken me
for someone who knows vocabuloni.
- The guy that started it.
- Ohhh
[electronic beeps trilling]
[bell dings]
That's him! [giggles]
The one with the tall.
Mwah!
[rock music playing]
[flashbulbs clicking]
Barbot, over here!
Who's the new squeeze?
I'm actually not sure.
The name's Bender.
How do you spell that?
Uh B? No, wait. D?
No, E.
[camera clicks]
[rock music continues]
"Hot plus tall equals sexy?"
Well, you can't argue with the math.
Ugh. Barf me with a spork.
It's so shallow.
They'll never have what you two have.
Which is what, exactly?
We seem to have lost track
of how we function as a couple.
Yeah. Are we the type
who complete each other's
Sentences? No.
We're two different people
- with different things to say.
- Different things to say.
You're both short and you're both idiots!
Barbot and I are the new "It" couple.
Here we come! Everybody look!
Nice to meet you, Miss Barbot.
What are you two love birds up to today?
Well, I had a big audition,
but it got canceled.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Because they already cast me
based on just look at me.
I'm starring in the new Godzebo movie!
- Wow!
- Well, congratulations!
- That's amazing!
- Mazel!
Godzebo? Don't you mean Godzillow?
They couldn't get the rights to Godzillow,
so the writers invented an all-new
and completely original monster
named Godzebo!
H-He's a lot like Godzillow.
And will you be joinin' us
for work today, Bender?
Hell no! I'm needed on the set.
- I don't think you are.
- See you next month!
[head thuds]
Ow! Still got it.
[soaring instrumental music playing]
[megaphone chirps]
Places, everyone! Places.
Quiet on the set so you
can hear me yelling!
And, where's our monster?!
Getting into costume.
[costume zipping]
Wow. Movie magic.
Hey Barbot, check it out. He's eating me!
No, Godzebo, don't eat me!
[Bender whimpers, laughs]
[eye scanners chirping]
Ooh!
[beeping, trilling]
That's a whole lotta lizard.
What, what, what, what, what, what?
And action!
[pages rustling]
[Godzebo roaring]
[grunting, growling]
[items clattering]
Oh, isn't he just the most tallest-est?
[Bender grumbling]
[dramatic music playing]
[Godzebo growls]
[music stops]
[grunting, chomping]
- Hey, hotshot.
- Huh?
[punches thud]
[both grunting]
I don't remember this being
in the script I didn't read!
[both grunting]
[bodies thud]
[set cracks, crumbles]
Cut! We'll have to shoot it again.
We can't. That was our last Tokyo.
Uh, then change the title to
"Godzebo Versus Mecha-Godzebo."
[shouting] Next shot!
[wheels creaking]
Okay, you're injured, you're gorgeous,
and a big, stupid iguana
loves you for no reason.
That's your motivation, nothing!
Just look up and act towards
the tennis ball!
Action!
[soft, romantic music playing]
[beeping, trilling]
[dinging]
Okay, that's it!
[door squeaking]
[pills rattle]
[dramatic music playing]
[insects chirping]
[building crashing]
Hey, hey, there we go.
[dramatic music playing on jumbotron]
[announcer]
Coming soon, a love story
as big as Godzebo is large.
[building smashing]
[Bender groaning]
[people screaming]
[footsteps thundering]
[groaning continues]
[tube shattering]
[Bender] Whoa!
[air hissing]
[people screaming]
[soft, dramatic music playing]
Didn't we used to have a roof?
Uh, friends,
you might wanna look at the TV.
[upbeat jingle playing on TV]
- An ad for soup?
- Yes. I'm so hungry.
[static buzzes]
We interrupt this soup
to bring you a special report.
Brought to you by soup!
Your kids deserve it,
after what they did.
[Morbo]
A colossal mecha-monster is laying waste
to New New York City.
That's all. Now, back to soup.
[footstep thunders]
[both yelp]
[debris clatters]
[static buzzes]
Sweet Colossus of Calabah-sas!
Bender's droid-rage is out of control!
What are we gonna do?!
And also, isn't it pronounced Calabasas?
Alas, I'm afraid we're down
to our last two hopes.
Begin with the first of the two.
A doomsday device.
[dramatic sting]
Just a small one.
We don't want too much doom.
No! You can't kill Bender!
That's right. We can't.
Because he's too damn big.
That's why we need a counter-monster.
We'll drop the doomsday device
in the depths of the Pacific
to awaken Godzooka
from his ancient slumber.
- You mean Godzebo?
- He means Godzillow.
I mean Godzooka!
The actual space dinosaur
those fictional characters are based on.
But unlike them, he defends our cities.
Doesn't Godzooka only defend Tokyo?
I think he'll go where the action is.
You mentioned two last hopes, Professor.
What's the other one
for when this one fails?
Ah, yes.
Uh, due to Bender's ungainly size
and droid-addled brain,
he's lost all coordination.
Fry, Leela,
you'll need to get inside him
and take manual control.
[dramatic sting]
Is that even possible?
Probably not. Ta-ta!
[dramatic music playing]
[spaceship whirring]
Prepare to drop the device!
Uh okay.
I feel pretty prepared.
Drop the device!
[pedal clicks]
[hatch rattles open]
[device whooshes]
[water splashes]
But don't drop it yet.
We need to put a little distance
between ourselves and
[Professor screams]
[explosion booms]
[crew screaming]
[Bender groaning]
[people screaming]
What's up, guys?
Don't forget to like and subscribe to
[foot stomps]
[squishing]
[Bender groaning]
[building crashes]
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
Here, you can use my camera.
Ugh! Ew! [gasps]
[soft, romantic music playing]
[beeping, trilling]
[Barbot gasps]
♪♪
I love you, Bdeedr!
Duh [groans]
[suspenseful music playing]
[hatch door creaking]
- Now!
- Wait, when? Ow!
[tires screeching]
[metal crashes]
Helps! Who will saves us
from this rams-paging robot?
[dramatic music playing]
[both grunting]
[Bender groaning]
[seagull squawking]
[Godzooka growls]
[Barbot gasps]
[Bender] Huh?
Ah! Ah!
[Godzooka sneezes, roars]
[lasers zapping]
[Bender burps, roars]
[flames whooshing]
[soft, dramatic music playing]
Wow. Who woulda thought Bender's
head was completely empty?
I guess everyone.
[Bender and Godzooka roaring]
[gasps] It's Godzooka!
Oh, thank God!
He's here to save us from Bender.
We are Bender!
Quick, we need to take control.
It's a two-pilot setup.
[machinery whirs, buzzes]
You work his left side,
I'll work the right.
Each of us using our unique,
wildly different fighting styles.
[machinery whirs, buzzes]
[Leela and Fry grunting]
[Bender grunting]
[Leela and Fry yelling]
[metal crashes, clangs]
[both] Ow!
[Bender grunts, groans]
[footsteps stomping]
[Godzooka growling]
Fighting separately isn't working!
We need to act as one unified force!
But there's two separate controllers.
Why would they design it that way?
[hologram beeping]
Because it looks cool. Del Toro out.
Somehow we have to be
two wildly distinct individuals
and one perfectly unified force
at the same time!
It's just stupid!
Well, everything's stupid
when you're in love.
[soft, romantic music playing]
[smooching]
- [both] Ah!
- [Bender] Ow!
[machinery whirs, buzzes]
[Godzooka roars, pounding thuds]
We thank you, Godzooka-San,
for saving our humble megalopolis
from that iron jerkwad.
[eyes whirring open]
We'll see about that.
[dramatic music playing]
[people gasping, exclaiming]
I'm rooting for you
[beeping, trilling]
left-side guy!
[crowd cheering]
[dramatic music playing]
[both grunting]
[grunting, groaning]
Hiya!
[grunting]
[punch thuds]
[grunting]
[laser zaps]
[punch thuds]
[punches thudding]
[Bender grunting]
[water sloshing]
And, cut! That's a wrap, people!
We'll write it in editing!
[soaring triumphant music playing]
Bender Rodríguez, for saving our city
from that off-brand reptilian menace,
I'm proud to present you
with this manhole cover
on a leftover Pride banner.
[manhole cover clanks]
Wait wasn't Bender the bad guy?
Oh, loosen up, Amy.
[groaning]
Thank you, Mayor Poopenmeyer.
And to Godzooka, my noble adversary
[clunks]
who I easily beat up with almost no effort,
let me simply say this:
You're dead and I'm tall!
[laughs]
Aw, man! The D-roids wore off!
[pills rattling]
And yet the butt rash is permanent!
[maniacally laughing]
Bite my itchy metal ass!
[Fry and Leela shouting]
Sorry the tall thing
didn't work out, Bender.
You ever consider getting fat instead?
Briefly, but then I realized
I have something better
than physical size.
Right on, shorty.
You've got confidence.
[sputters]
Confidence is for losers.
What I have is overconfidence.
Is that you, Bdeedr? Where are you?
Down here, baby. Deal with it.
Ooh! [giggles] Mm!
Now come on.
Let's go back to my place.
I need you to change a light bulb.
[Barbot]
Oh! [giggles]
[funky music playing]
♪♪