Futurama s10e02 Episode Script

1
[upbeat theme music playing]
[glass shatters]
[theme concludes]
[dramatic music playing]
As a reminder,
please remove all metal belongings
before usin' the walk-in microwave.
[electricity buzzing]
[Bender stammering]
[microwave dings]
Oops, forgot to take off my ass.
[chomping]
[door slides open]
[sighs] Sorry I'm late.
It took forever to take off
all my clothes.
What are you thinking?!
That's not a business bikini.
It's just such a hot, sunny day.
[beeping]
I thought we could put the top down
and work on our tans.
[roof opening]
I'm tan enough.
Aw, come on, Hermes.
Sun's out, buns out.
[groans]
There's no fightin' the FOMO.
[clothes ripping]
[Professor Farnsworth] Hermes!
You budgie-smuggling slacker.
This is no time to be working on your tan.
- Why?
- Because we're going to the Arctic.
[clothes ripping]
Oh.
Also, why?
[hologram beeping]
- As you may recall
- [Bender] Nope.
we've been keeping
the climate emergency in check
by dropping a massive ice cube
in the ocean every now and then.
[suspenseful music playing]
According to my calendar, it is now
"then."
[rocket roaring]
[landing gear whirring]
[ship hisses, shuts off]
[footsteps clomping]
Like me, this cube is shrinking with age.
There's definitely been some melting.
It's heartbreaking,
like a summer sidewalk popsicle.
[bear growling]
[dramatic music plays]
[crew gasps]
[all] Aww!
They're so cute!
I could just eat them up.
[chomps]
Hey, I was using that.
[motor revving]
Back! Back, you beasts!
Stop that!
Leave those poor cubs alone.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm a bear biologist.
Take this, you freaks!
[can spraying]
[cubs whimpering]
I thought polar bears
went extinct ages ago.
I wish!
A few survived,
which means I have to study them.
I used to be a whale biologist,
but I got demoted to bear.
These poor cubs, all alone with no mother.
They're sitting ducks.
Like those sitting ducks!
[ducks quack]
[crew gasps]
I hope you choke on those
stupid ducks, you stupid whale!
[gentle music playing]
We can't leave these sweet
little predators here to die.
The people of my time
nearly drove them to extinction,
so it's up to me to adopt them.
I shall be their mother.
And remove them from
their natural habitat?
Yeah, that'll teach 'em.
[spray hissing]
My babies!
[Fry roaring]
Well, time to move on
to a new field of study.
You think I might like weasels?
I sure don't!
[engine starts]
[snowmobile whirring]
[spray hissing]
[whale gagging, coughing]
Okay, I've got the measurements.
[metal retracting]
[Bender yelps]
Now, I just need to
analyze some weather data
to determine how soon
we need to plop a fresh cube.
[footsteps clomping]
[gentle music playing]
Come on, kids. Stay with Mommy.
[rocket roaring]
[water sloshing]
[somber music playing]
[roaring sadly]
[cubs whimpering]
♪♪
Here comes the wocket ship!
They're bears, Fry.
They don't even know
what a "wocket ship" is.
They need blubber.
[cubs growling]
Stay away from my delicious blubber.
[keyboard clacking]
[hologram beeps]
Let's just check out this climate data.
Good Lord!
[alarm blaring]
[explosion, glasses shatter]
Global temperatures are rising so fast,
my smart glasses overloaded!
We'd better get a new ice cube right away.
I'll prepare the tongs.
Tong time has passed.
We're doomed!
[ominous music playing]
[elongated] Doomed!
[super elongated] Doomed!
I already went.
[dramatic music playing]
[Civil Defense Truck] Calling all
scientists, politicians, and celebrities.
The C.R.O.K. Environmental Conference
is underway.
Private jets, please use Parking Lot C.
[jet engines sputtering]
[drum roll trilling]
[Richard Nixon] [over PA]
Distinguished guests,
welcome to the 1,030th annual C.R.O.K.
[crowd cheering]
[Nixon] Proudly bought and paid for
by Mom's Friendly Heavy Fuel Oil.
Because we can't switch
to clean fuel all at once.
It's been a thousand years!
What are you, some kinda science guy?
Greetings, fellow Earthicans.
Once again, we come together
to save our planet
and drink beer and take selfies.
[crowd cheering]
[camera clicks]
As you know, our previous meetings
set some lofty climate goals,
and for the 1,030th consecutive year,
no nation came close to meeting them!
[crowd cheering]
[all] Oh.
Except Aruba.
Aruba exceeded its goals, with
zero greenhouse gas emissions.
[crowd cheering]
Because they're underwater.
God rest their souls.
[solemn music playing]
[buzzer blaring]
Tragedy, human tragedy.
But for the rest of us, the party goes on!
[upbeat dance music playing]
All thanks to the Farnsworth
Ice Cube Initiative, or "Feesee."
Feesee stinks!
[crowd gasping, murmuring]
The latest data shows
[Nixon grunts]
temperatures soaring out of control.
Behold!
[dramatic music playing]
That's just a bunch of numbers.
Very bad numbers!
The ice cube's not cutting it anymore.
We face global extinction
if we don't act now!
Hold on, let's not rush into things.
It's been a thousand years
and three minutes.
Science can be very confusing.
I think we should hear from
a different researcher.
One so highly regarded
that I personally bought him
a vacation home.
[Dr. Banjo hooting]
Thank you, Madam,
for that lovely introduction
and the beautiful beachfront condo.
Dr. Banjo.
Numbers can say anything,
depending on who's paying you.
Earth's too hot, Earth's too cold
These numbers say too hot!
Oh, really?
Who's paying you, Professor?
Big Earth?!
We haven't seen
temperatures spike like this
in a thousand years,
since the Climatastrophe!
[dramatic music playing]
[crowd murmuring]
Oh, please.
This is shameless fearmongering.
So it's a few degrees warmer.
I rather enjoy warm weather.
You're an orangutan from
the tropical jungles of Borneo!
This is nothing but an attempt
to demonize the hard-working men
and women of the pollution industry!
You just earned yourself
a set of patio furniture.
I'm going to the lobby to feed the kids
and see if I can change their diapers
without getting mauled.
Now? In the middle of
this critical debate?
[Reverend Preacherbot]
On behalf of the religious community
Actually, I'll go with you.
Whatever happens is the Lord's will.
God made us mortal
that we might leave this problem
to future generations.
[crowd cheering]
But our children will inherit
a world that's uninhabitable!
That's our children's problem.
You tell 'em, Mother.
[gentle music playing]
Pay attention, kiddos,
as I teach you how we bears
hunt for food in the wild.
First, find a fish tank.
This one will do.
Then move silently, stealthily
[chair creaking]
[Fry screams]
[water splashes]
[gurgling] Help me!
Save Mama Bear!
Oh, Lord.
[both grunting]
[Fry spluttering]
I got one!
[suction pops]
Lunch is ready.
[crashing, items clattering]
[cubs chomping]
I've taught them well.
Outrageous claims
require outrageous evidence.
Yet Professor Farnsworth
has provided no evidence whatsoever.
What do you call this, you orangu-dope?
Numerical mumbo-jumbo.
It's just a big bowl of number salad.
Salad is for losers!
[crowd booing]
[somber music playing]
Professor, maybe we could put the data
in a more visual form.
What is this, nursery school?
Why don't we just put out a dance video?
Or a cartoon that tries
to make science "funny"?
Aw, we don't have to stoop that low.
I'll just turn it into a graph.
[Amy tapping keypad]
Let me guess.
You're going to use drop shadows
and color the hot part red.
Knock yourselves out.
You've already failed miserably
in your attempt to shock us into
[crowd gasping]
[startled squawking]
Holy hell!
Look how high and red it gets!
Why didn't you show us this before?
I did show you before!
It's the same data with lipstick on it.
I owe you an apology, Professor.
Even a fool can see the temperature
is rising to an unacceptable level,
and Mama Banjo didn't raise any fools.
Except my idiot brother, Mr. Fiddle,
and even he could see that this graph
predicts imminent catastrophe!
[crowd murmuring agreement]
I have seen the light!
And it's red, fiery red.
If only the good people
of the 21st century
had had this information,
they might not have suffered
so horribly in the Climatastrophe.
[solemn music playing]
We must act quickly now that we all agree.
I disagree!
[dramatic sting]
Wernstrom!
I mean, I agree we're
going to burn to a crisp.
I just don't agree we should do anything.
It's already far too late.
No! For the sake of humanity,
we must maintain hope.
But there is no hope.
Well, in that case, let's get lootin'!
[crowd clamoring]
Hand me a brick, would ya?
[crowd shouting, fighting]
[kicks, punches thudding]
[crew grunting]
I'll put your lights out, you hippie.
[grunting]
[slapping]
[all screaming]
[doors thud]
Stop!
Stop this madness!
[dramatic music playing]
[baby roar]
[crowd] Aww!
I'm willing to listen to a man
wearing polar bears as shoes.
I beg you, don't make the same mistake
we made in my time.
[gentle music playing]
There she is, Mother Earth.
As a mother myself, I know how beautiful,
yet vulnerable we are.
This is our only home.
I'm from Mars.
Whatever. It's not about us.
Nobody cares about people.
Most of us hate each other.
[crowd murmuring agreement]
[Preacherbot] Hallelujah!
But nobody hates baby animals.
[licking]
- [crowd] Aww!
- So cute!
So, let's work together to save Earth.
Not for ourselves,
but for these adorable baby bears,
Pigpig and Stupidface.
I named them! Bear biologist.
We've got to at least try.
If people from my day
had had this information,
they might have had a chance
to prevent the Climatastrophe.
[solemn music playing]
This idiot's stupid words have moved me.
What do you propose, Fry?
Well, in my time,
whenever we had a problem
that seemed insurmountable,
we'd pull together
and rally the entire world
with a feel-good anthem.
[crowd cheering]
This sounds like a job for celebrities.
We're currently available.
[water sloshing]
Hey, hey!
Billy Joel is not a fish.
[feel-good pop music playing]
[all singing] People are dying ♪
But no one really cares ♪
We won't do it for our children ♪
So, let's do it for the bears ♪
Come on, everybody!
Yes, everybody, after my solo.
[singing] We're leaving our offspring ♪
A sad state of affai-ai-airs ♪
['80s-style celebrity head]
But we all hate our stupid families ♪
[celebrity singers]
So, let's do it for the bears ♪
[Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate]
Bears are people too!
[celebrity singers]
Let's do it for the bears ♪
Let's do it for the bears ♪
[Wailing Fungus] Our cuddly friends ♪
[celebrity singers]
Let's do it for the bears ♪
[bear cubs growling]
Yeah, everybody hates their children ♪
[explosion, glass shatters]
So, let's do it for the ♪
[band grunting, screaming]
[music stops]
Enough! Shut up already.
This bopping chart-topper
is doing nothing
to address the actual problem.
He's right.
It was impossible to hear me
over the more talented singers.
[Professor groans]
We're simply too dumb
as a species to change our habits.
You certainly are.
But since global warming results
from greenhouse gases trapping sunlight,
maybe we can reduce
the sunlight part instead.
How?
I suggest a louder song.
Please, no! Just let the Earth burn.
Hmm.
In the past, large volcanic eruptions
spewed clouds of ash
that reflected sunlight
and cooled Earth temporarily.
Perhaps we could create
a similar effect somehow.
Maybe by setting off a volcano.
Don't be ridiculous.
I mean, yes! That's actually a good idea.
[epic music playing]
There it is, Mount Vesuvius,
the perfect volcano for our purposes.
It destroyed the city
of Pompeii 3,000 years ago,
so we know it packs a wallop.
We'll need to set up base camp
a safe distance away, in Pompeii.
[dramatic music playing]
Thank you for hosting
our critical mission,
Mayor McFormaggio.
These preserved relics are incredible.
Si, signore. Uh, Mount Vesuvius,
she exploded in 79 AD,
like a microwave calzone,
smothering our people
in a rich ragu of ash.
We honor the fallen heroes
by leaving them in place for turisti,
who take-a selfies with-a the corpses.
[camera clicks]
Alright, let's go over the plan.
To maximize reflectivity
of the sun's rays,
we'll begin by impregnating
the lava with a sparkly substance.
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
To whit
[sparkling]
my patented Diamondillium.
Bah! My patented Diamondium
[sparkling]
is 7.2% sparklier!
Please, gentlemen. We don't have time
for a crystal-measurin' contest.
We'll use Mardi Gras glitter.
[glitter rattling]
It's cheaper, and comes in rainbow colors.
[dramatic music playing]
Professor Farnsworth,
as you embark on this desperate voyage,
humanity looks up briefly from its phones
to acknowledge your bravery.
May God rest your souls.
Oh, we do plan to come back.
[chuckles] If you say so.
Oh, Leela, I'm so sorry I can't join you,
but being a parent
changes your priorities.
I understand. [sniffles]
Maybe one day you can be
a mother to our children.
[sniffles]
[kisses]
[ramp whirring]
[rocket roaring]
[dramatic music playing]
[drill whirring]
[whirring continues]
[rock breaking, debris clattering]
Morbo the Destroyer,
reporting live from Pompeii,
where the hopeless mission to
save Earth from global incineration
has begun under a pall of terror.
[Linda chuckling]
So far, so good.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
Amy, do you have that lava sample?
Right here in this beaker.
[switch clicks]
[lava bubbling]
It appears groovy, yet volatile.
We'll only have a few seconds to escape
once we trigger the eruption.
Dr. Banjo, deploy the bomb!
[Dr. Banjo hooting]
[typing, cranking]
Good work, Dr. Banjo!
[Dr. Banjo hooting excitedly]
[dramatic music playing]
[lava bubbling]
Commence glitter impregnation!
[mechanical whirring]
[dramatic music continues]
[glitter sparkling]
[Dr. Banjo grunting]
Quickly. Leela,
take us out the way we came in.
[lava gurgling]
[glitter sparkling]
[Leela] It's too sparkly!
I can't see the escape hole!
Is this the end of Bender
and whoever else is here?
[dramatic music playing]
[crew screaming]
[dramatic music playing]
[crew screaming over broadcast]
So, uh, how's it going down there?
Sorry, what?
I can't hear you over the screaming.
We're trapped in the volcano.
We're gonna die!
[whimpering] No.
The world is moved by your plight.
But not Morbo!
[crying] If by any chance
Fry is watching
I am! I'm watching.
I just want you to know how much I love
[static buzzing]
[melancholy music playing]
She's gone.
And she never even got
to tell me what she loves.
[volcano rumbling]
[eruption bursts]
[wind whooshing]
Our heroes may be dead,
but their plan appears to be working.
Oh, they're definitely dead.
My friends, it's a-taken a-Pompeii
3,000 years to rebuild.
But today, the world looks-a to us.
Pompeii is a-back
[grunts]
[Linda chuckling,
starts coughing, gagging]
[sniffles] It's just me and you now, kids.
Daddy Leela's gone.
[glitter-ash crunching]
These jars really
should have lids on them.
[both gagging]
[somber music playing]
[wind whistling]
[steam hisses, extinguishes]
[rocket roaring]
[triumphant music playing]
[landing gear whirring]
[bottom half clunks]
[top half thuds]
[crew cheering]
I'm back, bambino!
[dramatic music playing]
Fry?
Fry! [blowing]
[gasps] Are you okay?!
I'm fine, just deep in thought.
But you did it! You saved the world!
I did it for the bears.
Before the news broadcast cut out,
I was trying to tell you
how much I love them.
[leaf blower blowing]
It's amazing what we can accomplish
when we put aside our differences.
Someday we might conquer disease!
Poverty! Even death itself!
Develop bananas of
unthinkable size and tastiness!
Ooh! We'll start with that one.
[upbeat music playing]
Quite a bit cooler today.
The volcanic ash is doin' its job.
Indeed it is.
Now we just have to set off
one volcano a week
until the end of time.
You know, it's too bad
people a thousand years ago
didn't have such clear-cut data,
or they could've saved themselves
from the Climatastrophe.
[somber music playing]
Those poor, innocent morons.
At least we beat the heat.
[Zoidberg shivering]
It's actually getting a bit nippy.
Blowing up volcanoes
is not an exact science.
We may have overshot the mark.
Hold on
[lenses cranking]
[dramatic sting]
Good Lord!
I've been working with
the wrong data this whole time.
These temperatures aren't from 3025.
They're from 2025!
[shocking music plays]
Let me get this straight.
This is the actual data from 2025?
That's right, the actual data.
But nobody saw it?
Oh, they saw it.
It was all over the internet.
It was in every newspaper.
Newspaper?
Uh, like TV, but flatter.
I'm not understanding you, Professor.
You're saying the people
of my time saw this
and did nothing?
That's precisely what I'm saying.
- This?
- That.
- No.
- Yes.
[hologram beeps]
Ah, here's the graph for 3025.
Just a gentle slope up
until the volcano went off.
I guess the ice cube
would've sufficed after all.
Well, there's nothing wrong
with a little cold weather.
Maybe we'll have a white Xmas.
Look! Black snow!
[tranquil music playing]
[slurping]
Hmm, toxic ash mixed with acid snow.
Should we try to fix this, maybe?
And risk another Calculon song?
No, thank you.
Look, I can catch a snowflake
on my tongue!
[snowflake sizzling]
Ooh! Spicy!
[water splashing]
[mother polar bear growling, roaring]
[cubs grunting]
[poignant music playing]
Hey, those are my babies!
Who does that bear think she is?
She's their mother, Fry.
Her maternal instincts led her here
across thousands of miles of ocean.
But [sniffles]
I gave up my career for them.
Can I have my career back?
Not with that gap on your resumé.
[bears grunting happily]
Aw, they look so happy.
The new New New York climate
is perfect for them.
[mother bear sniffing]
[threatening growl]
Oh boy.
Woop-woop-woop! Woop-woop-woop
[bears roaring]
Aww, she's teaching them how to hunt.
[gentle music playing]
No.
I taught them that.
♪♪
♪♪
[fanfare playing]