Futurama s10e08 Episode Script
Crab Splatter
1
[upbeat theme music playing]
[glass shatters]
[theme concludes]
[perilous music playing]
[gunfire and explosions booming]
[loud video game gunfire]
Um, Axl? We don't want to disturb
the nice family downstairs.
Can you please turn that game down?
[gunfire on game continues]
- Please?
- I actually can't.
Why not?
Because if it's quiet,
it's literally pointless.
Off! Now!
[book thuds]
Ow!
All you had to do was say please.
I said please. Twice!
Well, maybe you should have yelled it.
[explosion booming]
[people screaming]
Whoa. What game is that kid playing?
♪♪
We heard a catastrophic explosion.
Is everything okay?!
Also, sorry about
the video game noise earlier.
We hope it didn't disturb you.
Uh, hang on, my son's on fire.
Something crashed
into our apartment.
Was it this meteorite?
- Probably.
- It's really pretty.
What are we gonna do?
Where are we gonna live?
Oh! We'll never find
another place we can afford.
It's so shiny and iridescent.
Kiffy, I wanna replace
my wedding ring diamond
with whatever this is.
[thrilling music playing]
Unbe-credible!
This is no ordinary meteorite.
It's an impact meteorite,
created when an asteroid
slams into a celestial object.
- Like Mars? Or Jesus?
- Right!
But in this case, wrong.
To trace its origin, I'll need
to use the gas chromatograph.
[bell dings]
Whoa!
My Manwich!
[machine chimes]
Sorry. I thought this was an air fryer.
Using this rock hammer I got
from a Shawshank Redemption
memorabilia website,
I'll chip off a tiny piece for testing.
[tense, suspenseful music playing]
[electricity zapping]
Mm. Do I smell rocks cooking?
[machine chimes]
[Professor]
Good Lord! I'd recognize
these spectral absorption lines anywhere!
This rock originated from Zoidberg's
home world, Decapod 10!
I thought it smelled familiar.
Interstellar meteorites
are fantastically rare.
Collectors and wealthy randos
would pay a fortune for it!
It's mine!
My planet saw it first!
Alas, even though you're immensely poor
and that tiny sliver I burned
would've made you a millionaire,
it rightfully belongs to
your whole civilization.
[rock hammer clinks]
Ouchie!
[exciting music playing]
Uh-oh! [whimpering]
[crew chattering]
Good news, everyone!
You have my interest!
I'm Dr. Judith, chief geologist.
And I've verified that this rock
is indeed from Decapod 10.
It's ejecta from
the Protoarchaean Impact Event.
That raises an interesting question.
- Yes?
- What are you doing later?
Sorry, you're not my type.
I had to give it a shot.
You actually didn't.
So how'd the rock get to Earth?
I mean, it didn't just walk. Right?
[softly] Back me up, guys.
Why don't I explain it
with a display we use for fifth graders.
This is a representation
of Decapod 10
from approximately five billion B.C.
"Before Crab."
[crank turning]
A massive asteroid barreled
toward our planet at high speed.
[cranking continues]
The impact resulted in
the extinction of the crabosaurs,
and sent a spray of ejecta into space.
[ejecta whooshing]
[cranking continues]
One such rock must have traveled
for billions of years,
until it reached Earth
[meteorite booms]
and hit a condo building.
Wow. I feel so special!
You're not.
Statistically, 3.4 such rocks
would hit Earth
over the course of geologic time.
- Questions?
- Marry me.
That's not a question.
Marry me?
I have a question.
Were the crabosaurs, like, really cool?
That's the hypothesis.
[crew exclaiming]
The mighty crabosaurs ruled the planet,
and later, the box office,
in an endless series
of Crabassic Park movies.
It's, like, we get it.
They were big animals.
Anyway, we appreciate the rock.
It will go on permanent display
after I help myself to a tiny sliver,
which is considered perfectly
normal on this planet.
Aww.
♪♪
Decapod 10 is nice,
but it smells like a clam's armpit.
I'll be freshening up
in my dumpster if you need me.
We won't.
[door creaking]
Home, sweet
Hey! Why is my stuff out on the curb?
Hi! We're your new neighbors.
Oh, hey!
It's the Johnsons!
What are you doing here?
We just moved in.
This is our new apartment!
Yeah, it all worked out.
Sorry about the trash.
Apparently, the previous tenant
was kind of a pig.
[somber music playing]
Mi casa.
[somber music playing]
This is my dumpster!
I was squatting fair and square.
I feel for you, sir. I do.
But we signed a lease.
It's a tight market for
middle-class families.
We got lucky.
There were two other
applications on this place!
I wrote a heartfelt letter
to the landlord.
[chuckles] And she fell for it.
I was gonna rent it out
as an Air-b-and-whatchacallit,
but who needs the parties?
You pay utilities.
I cover the water bill.
It has running water?
It has running something.
[somber music playing]
What a humiliation.
From the lofty heights of dumpster living
to being out on the street.
Well, I'm sure you can stay
with one of your colleagues.
Uh, perhaps Bender?
Uh, uh
¿Quién es Bender?
Uh, I'm late for
a gynecologist appointment!
Me too!
Let's carpool.
You can stay with us, Zoidberg.
Ow! Why are you kicking me, Leela?
Because I don't want
Zoidberg to stay with us.
Oh, right.
[sad, touching music playing]
[sighs] Fine.
You can live with us.
Ow! Why are you kicking me, Bender?
Porque no quiero
Zoidberg to live with us!
[dramatic music playing]
[announcer] [on TV] Next week,
on The Real Housecats of Thuban 9
[cats howling]
He's been watching reality TV for days
and he's completely trashed the apartment.
How dare he!
That's my move!
At least he ran the dishwasher.
[dishwasher chiming]
Cycle complete.
[steam hissing]
[moaning] Your Jacuzzi is wonderful!
Those jets really get into your crevices.
[squishing]
Hooray! Zoidberg's turn to watch TV.
[clicks button]
[cats howling]
♪♪
I feel bad saying this,
but he's just so gross and annoying.
Sh-sh-sh! He's coming.
[Leela yelps]
I'll scooch over, no problem.
[softly] For what it's worth,
I agree with you about Fry.
♪♪
Ugh! I've never dealt with
anyone so unbearably annoying
[eyePhone ringing]
Well, one person.
- Hi, Mom.
- Leela, are you there?
I can't see you.
Is your tentacle
covering the screen again?
Well, I don't know.
How do I check?
By seeing whether your tentacle
is covering the screen again.
Oh, it is.
I can see you now!
You look tired.
Is that a new haircut?
I don't like it.
[Leela groans]
How come you never visit?
You know, your old room's
just sittin' here empty.
I never had a room.
You guys gave me up for adoption.
Remember?
Well, it's the room you would've had.
Come visit, honey.
The sewer is lovely at springtime.
And we could really use some company.
Company, huh?
[Zoidberg chomping]
I happen to have some extra company.
What was that, Leela?
Are you still there?
I think she hung up.
God, she looked awful.
♪♪
Wait, so you're not staying?
- Nope.
- But someone is staying?
- Exactly.
- Alright.
This room is exquisite!
I've never lived in a place
without a hinged ceiling.
Oh, you're welcome to it, Mr. Zoidberg.
Please, call me Doctor.
Ooh! A doctor!
May I introduce you
to my daughter? [laughing]
Just kiddin'. Sort of.
[chewing loudly] Mm!
This is delicious!
What do you call it?
A roll of paper towels.
Mm! And the bone is the best part.
[gnawing and slurping]
See? Someone likes my cooking.
This is too good to be true.
Aw, Leela, you sure
you can't stay for dinner?
Yeah work has just been super busy.
No, it hasn't
[chomping, chewing]
Mm. You should get your mom's recipe.
[Connor giggles]
Hi! I baked some fresh cookies
for you to give us
to welcome us to the neighborhood.
That is so thoughtful.
Thank you.
[door slams]
[Bender chomping and chewing]
[loud burping, flames whooshing]
- Who was it?
- Nobody. With no cookies.
[eyePhone ringing]
[Munda]
Leela, is this a bad time?
Always. What's up?
We're planning the annual family trip.
Are you free anytime soon?
Oh yeah
Sorry, but I don't think so.
[Professor snoring]
We're just so swamped with work here.
I really wish I could, it's
Oh, no worries. We figured.
You cancelling's become
part of the tradition.
[chuckles]
It's fine.
We'll go with Zoidberg.
Hooray!
Zoidberg?
On our family trip?
- We'll send you a postcard.
- She already hung up, Morris.
I can see her right there.
That? That's just her ugly profile photo.
Let me just
[static crackles]
[somber music playing]
["I Get Around"
by The Beach Boys playing]
- I get around ♪
- Yeah ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
I get around ♪
- I get around ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- From town to town ♪
Get around, round, round,
I get around ♪
- I'm a real cool head ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- I'm making real good bread ♪
Get around, round, round ♪
I get around ♪
[Zoidberg and Munda yelp]
I'm getting bugged driving up
and down this same old strip ♪
I gotta find a new place
where the kids are hip ♪
- I get around ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- From town to town ♪
Get around, round, round,
I get around ♪
- I'm a real cool head ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- I'm making real good bread ♪
Get around, round, round,
I get around ♪
I get arou ♪
[electricity zaps]
[intense music playing]
Whoa! So close!
It's too exciting.
I can't take the suspense!
[rats squeaking and chirping]
Last season there was a snake.
[Zoidberg laughs]
Hello, everybody!
Leela! What's the occasion?
Did I die? [chuckles]
Zing!
[Leela fake chuckles]
Join us for dinner, sweetie.
Your mom cooked Zoidberg's favorite meal.
Beef bourguignon made from shoe rubber.
And fresh escargot.
Wow! You've worked so hard
to make Zoidberg feel at home.
Even though it's not.
But don't worry,
I'll take him off your hands now.
Oh, we don't mind.
We love Johnny Z!
He's a treasure, is what he is.
Uh-huh.
No, no. Leela is right.
I should go impose on someone else.
But before I do, may I say something
from the hearts?
- Please.
- Of course.
Can you email it?
[poignant music playing]
When my species mates, they die,
so I never met my parents.
I never got to experience
their love, or abuse,
whichever one they were gonna do.
But this? This has been the best
two-and-a-half months of my life.
I came here with an empty suitcase,
but I'm leaving with
a suitcase full of love
and hopefully a to-go bucket
of those sewer snails.
The feeling is mutual.
You're like the child we never had.
You had me, but you sent me away!
Well, we won't make that mistake again.
Morris, should we do the thing
we were discussing?
Really? The one you said
you're too old for?
- The other one.
- Oh, oh, right.
Dr. Zoidberg, we've been talking.
[tender music playing]
And if you're willing
We'd like to adopt you.
[sniffles] Really?
I've never felt this feeling.
I think it's called happiness.
Adopt? Him?!
Leela, we're gonna be brother and sister!
You're not my brother!
You're a gross, lazy, freeloading bum!
Sibling rivalry, I love it!
Welcome to the family.
[tentacles squishing]
I feel sick.
No worries, sis.
You can lie down in my room.
Ugh!
♪♪
This all is the adoption paperwork.
Just sign your John Gamecock here, here,
and, uh, fill in your young'un's
date of hatchin'.
[feather plucks]
P'caw!
Now, per this agreement,
Dr. Zoidberg will inherit half
of your extensive financial debts.
That debt was supposed to be mine!
I can't believe I'll have
my own debt someday.
I promise to nurture and grow it.
I say, I say, the adoption
is now complete.
You may kiss the crab.
[both smooching]
[group cheering]
Yeah!
[upbeat party music playing]
Your own grandfather?
Interesting.
I mean, it's a compromise, right?
The dumpster's on the small side,
but it's a good school district.
I always say,
"location, location, location."
- Where do you live?
- The sewer.
[glass clinks, shatters]
Friends, on this happy day,
my joy bladder is overflowing.
I'd like to make a toast
to my mom, my dad,
and my dear sister, Leela.
That's it!
This is ridiculous.
- Leela
- It's not fair!
Now that my parents are
finally part of my life,
I'm losing them.
You're stealing my parents!
You mean our parents.
Leela, we have enough love
to smother the both of you.
Spare me.
You love Zoidberg so much,
you can have him.
Go back to your garbage house
and enjoy your garbage life!
[gentle music playing]
[Munda sobbing]
Leela! You're a terrible daughter.
I wish we never abandoned you!
How dare you talk to
Mommy and Daddy like this.
And in public no less!
I'm ashamed to call myself your brother.
Then don't!
'Cause you're not my [groans]
[groaning]
I don't feel so good.
Here, have some of
my emergency mint julep.
[group gasps]
P'caw!
She's not breathing!
She needs a doctor!
Our son is a doctor!
[choking] Different doctor!
Different doctor!
[chokes]
Fry? What happened?
You passed out in the middle
of insulting your parents.
We're here if you wanna finish.
Mom, Dad, you came?
After how I behaved?
I'm so sorry.
I should never have said
any of those things,
out loud.
Aw, sweetie, we love you.
We're just happy you're
awake and slightly sedated.
[Dr. Tenderman blowing nose]
Are you okay, doctor?
I'm not sick.
I've just been crying.
[emotional]
Sorry, this is really hard for me.
Do you mind holding my hand, sir?
Of course.
Leela, I'm afraid
you've suffered total blenal failure.
[dramatic sting]
[all gasp]
Oh no!
Unless that's good.
You'll die unless you get
an immediate blenal gland transplant.
No problem!
She can have mine.
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
The blenal gland is found
only in certain mutants.
Also, I'm afraid
it's not even that simple.
She'll need a tissue match
from a relative.
Like me! Her adopted brother.
I'm afraid
you're stupid.
♪♪
If there's a match, we'll find it.
We've rounded up all of Leela's relatives,
no matter how distant.
I'm her grandmother.
I know, Ma.
I'm scared of needles. Just FYI.
Don't worry.
It barely hurts a lot.
[shrieks]
[quills whooshing]
Sorry about that.
[tense, suspenseful music playing]
[computer buzzing]
Have you found a match?
Not even close.
[sobbing] Oh, why did I become a doctor?!
Leela's going to die!
[group] No!
[continues sobbing]
Unless
this last sample is a match.
What was that long pause for?
I just needed a moment.
[hopeful music playing]
[computer chirping]
[computer chimes]
I don't believe it!
A match!
[group cheering]
Who is it?
[dramatic sting]
[Dr. Tenderman] I can't read it.
I've been crying too much.
It's me, your brother!
- [group] Huh?
- Wha?
I took a sample of my own blenal fluid.
Like so!
[shell cracks]
[groans]
But but [stammers]
How can Zoidberg be related to me?
It defies explanation!
I can explain it!
[curtain squeaking]
Judith! Did you receive
my marriage proposal?
Yes. Did you receive
my restraining order?
I did!
I was in town for
the Museum of Natural History Gala
and I tripped down the stairs
in my stiletto flip-flops.
- I may never walk again.
- Bummer.
You were saying about Zoidberg
being my tissue match?
Oh, right. Yes.
It seems you and Zoidberg
have a common ancestor.
How?
[Dr. Judith]
Approximately five billion years ago,
a comet struck our planet,
wiping out the crabosaurs.
[Bender]
You told us already. Move it along!
[meteorite booms]
[crabosaurs splattering]
[Dr. Judith] The ejecta carried
crab splatter into space,
containing DNA
that plotzed on many planets,
including ancient Earth.
[meteorite splashes]
Decapodian genes were incorporated
into some of your early life forms,
jazzing them up with
claws and tentacles
[ammonite]
Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop.
and, of course, blenal glands.
I thought as much.
But I'm not a sea creature.
My parents are land mutants.
The Mutagenic Lake!
Our people have absorbed
a little of everything.
Of course! Your mother's tentacles
and Zoidberg's mouth danglers
are just different expressions
of the same gene!
Well, that's right, Professor.
And I thought you were just a vapid hunk.
[Professor giggles]
Leela and Zoidberg are related,
if distantly.
Their common ancestor:
the extinct crabosaurs of Decapod 10.
[dramatic sting]
[Leela gasps and wheezes]
[button clicks, curtain squeaking]
Leela, as your brother
who is also related to you,
I'd be honored to donate a blenal gland.
But will you be okay?
Please! I've got blenal glands
coming outta my schnookus.
[softly] Use one of those.
[gentle music playing]
Thanks, brother.
If I die, please donate my debt
to a children's hospital.
I'm afraid
the operation was a complete success!
- Ooh.
- Yay!
Leela, do you need another pillow?
I have six pillows, Mom.
[Munda] Have seven.
I made something like tea.
I'm okay, thank you.
I'm gonna get some more pillows.
Morris, make another pot of tea.
Ugh, enough with the tea!
Mom, Dad, we're okay!
Please, just let us rest.
Yes, rest.
Here's another pillow.
I'll run to the store for more tea.
[door closes]
Geez, they are so annoying.
Tell me about it!
Why don't they just spray us
with a tea fire hose?
[Leela chuckles]
I guess only a sibling can appreciate
how annoying your parents are.
And I'm happy to have that now.
Me too, sis.
But seriously, they're awful.
I need to move out.
♪♪
My folks are obnoxious.
Any chance I could be your roommate?
Sorry. We're moving to Hoboken.
We found a refrigerator box
that's twice the size of this place!
You get a lot more box
for your buck out there.
[keys jingling]
Here, take the kajiggers.
But I don't have any money.
We'll work somethin' out.
[clicks tongue]
Okay. As long as it
doesn't involve money.
[gentle music playing]
[gentle music continues]
[toilet flushes]
[gentle music continues]
[fanfare playing]
[upbeat theme music playing]
[glass shatters]
[theme concludes]
[perilous music playing]
[gunfire and explosions booming]
[loud video game gunfire]
Um, Axl? We don't want to disturb
the nice family downstairs.
Can you please turn that game down?
[gunfire on game continues]
- Please?
- I actually can't.
Why not?
Because if it's quiet,
it's literally pointless.
Off! Now!
[book thuds]
Ow!
All you had to do was say please.
I said please. Twice!
Well, maybe you should have yelled it.
[explosion booming]
[people screaming]
Whoa. What game is that kid playing?
♪♪
We heard a catastrophic explosion.
Is everything okay?!
Also, sorry about
the video game noise earlier.
We hope it didn't disturb you.
Uh, hang on, my son's on fire.
Something crashed
into our apartment.
Was it this meteorite?
- Probably.
- It's really pretty.
What are we gonna do?
Where are we gonna live?
Oh! We'll never find
another place we can afford.
It's so shiny and iridescent.
Kiffy, I wanna replace
my wedding ring diamond
with whatever this is.
[thrilling music playing]
Unbe-credible!
This is no ordinary meteorite.
It's an impact meteorite,
created when an asteroid
slams into a celestial object.
- Like Mars? Or Jesus?
- Right!
But in this case, wrong.
To trace its origin, I'll need
to use the gas chromatograph.
[bell dings]
Whoa!
My Manwich!
[machine chimes]
Sorry. I thought this was an air fryer.
Using this rock hammer I got
from a Shawshank Redemption
memorabilia website,
I'll chip off a tiny piece for testing.
[tense, suspenseful music playing]
[electricity zapping]
Mm. Do I smell rocks cooking?
[machine chimes]
[Professor]
Good Lord! I'd recognize
these spectral absorption lines anywhere!
This rock originated from Zoidberg's
home world, Decapod 10!
I thought it smelled familiar.
Interstellar meteorites
are fantastically rare.
Collectors and wealthy randos
would pay a fortune for it!
It's mine!
My planet saw it first!
Alas, even though you're immensely poor
and that tiny sliver I burned
would've made you a millionaire,
it rightfully belongs to
your whole civilization.
[rock hammer clinks]
Ouchie!
[exciting music playing]
Uh-oh! [whimpering]
[crew chattering]
Good news, everyone!
You have my interest!
I'm Dr. Judith, chief geologist.
And I've verified that this rock
is indeed from Decapod 10.
It's ejecta from
the Protoarchaean Impact Event.
That raises an interesting question.
- Yes?
- What are you doing later?
Sorry, you're not my type.
I had to give it a shot.
You actually didn't.
So how'd the rock get to Earth?
I mean, it didn't just walk. Right?
[softly] Back me up, guys.
Why don't I explain it
with a display we use for fifth graders.
This is a representation
of Decapod 10
from approximately five billion B.C.
"Before Crab."
[crank turning]
A massive asteroid barreled
toward our planet at high speed.
[cranking continues]
The impact resulted in
the extinction of the crabosaurs,
and sent a spray of ejecta into space.
[ejecta whooshing]
[cranking continues]
One such rock must have traveled
for billions of years,
until it reached Earth
[meteorite booms]
and hit a condo building.
Wow. I feel so special!
You're not.
Statistically, 3.4 such rocks
would hit Earth
over the course of geologic time.
- Questions?
- Marry me.
That's not a question.
Marry me?
I have a question.
Were the crabosaurs, like, really cool?
That's the hypothesis.
[crew exclaiming]
The mighty crabosaurs ruled the planet,
and later, the box office,
in an endless series
of Crabassic Park movies.
It's, like, we get it.
They were big animals.
Anyway, we appreciate the rock.
It will go on permanent display
after I help myself to a tiny sliver,
which is considered perfectly
normal on this planet.
Aww.
♪♪
Decapod 10 is nice,
but it smells like a clam's armpit.
I'll be freshening up
in my dumpster if you need me.
We won't.
[door creaking]
Home, sweet
Hey! Why is my stuff out on the curb?
Hi! We're your new neighbors.
Oh, hey!
It's the Johnsons!
What are you doing here?
We just moved in.
This is our new apartment!
Yeah, it all worked out.
Sorry about the trash.
Apparently, the previous tenant
was kind of a pig.
[somber music playing]
Mi casa.
[somber music playing]
This is my dumpster!
I was squatting fair and square.
I feel for you, sir. I do.
But we signed a lease.
It's a tight market for
middle-class families.
We got lucky.
There were two other
applications on this place!
I wrote a heartfelt letter
to the landlord.
[chuckles] And she fell for it.
I was gonna rent it out
as an Air-b-and-whatchacallit,
but who needs the parties?
You pay utilities.
I cover the water bill.
It has running water?
It has running something.
[somber music playing]
What a humiliation.
From the lofty heights of dumpster living
to being out on the street.
Well, I'm sure you can stay
with one of your colleagues.
Uh, perhaps Bender?
Uh, uh
¿Quién es Bender?
Uh, I'm late for
a gynecologist appointment!
Me too!
Let's carpool.
You can stay with us, Zoidberg.
Ow! Why are you kicking me, Leela?
Because I don't want
Zoidberg to stay with us.
Oh, right.
[sad, touching music playing]
[sighs] Fine.
You can live with us.
Ow! Why are you kicking me, Bender?
Porque no quiero
Zoidberg to live with us!
[dramatic music playing]
[announcer] [on TV] Next week,
on The Real Housecats of Thuban 9
[cats howling]
He's been watching reality TV for days
and he's completely trashed the apartment.
How dare he!
That's my move!
At least he ran the dishwasher.
[dishwasher chiming]
Cycle complete.
[steam hissing]
[moaning] Your Jacuzzi is wonderful!
Those jets really get into your crevices.
[squishing]
Hooray! Zoidberg's turn to watch TV.
[clicks button]
[cats howling]
♪♪
I feel bad saying this,
but he's just so gross and annoying.
Sh-sh-sh! He's coming.
[Leela yelps]
I'll scooch over, no problem.
[softly] For what it's worth,
I agree with you about Fry.
♪♪
Ugh! I've never dealt with
anyone so unbearably annoying
[eyePhone ringing]
Well, one person.
- Hi, Mom.
- Leela, are you there?
I can't see you.
Is your tentacle
covering the screen again?
Well, I don't know.
How do I check?
By seeing whether your tentacle
is covering the screen again.
Oh, it is.
I can see you now!
You look tired.
Is that a new haircut?
I don't like it.
[Leela groans]
How come you never visit?
You know, your old room's
just sittin' here empty.
I never had a room.
You guys gave me up for adoption.
Remember?
Well, it's the room you would've had.
Come visit, honey.
The sewer is lovely at springtime.
And we could really use some company.
Company, huh?
[Zoidberg chomping]
I happen to have some extra company.
What was that, Leela?
Are you still there?
I think she hung up.
God, she looked awful.
♪♪
Wait, so you're not staying?
- Nope.
- But someone is staying?
- Exactly.
- Alright.
This room is exquisite!
I've never lived in a place
without a hinged ceiling.
Oh, you're welcome to it, Mr. Zoidberg.
Please, call me Doctor.
Ooh! A doctor!
May I introduce you
to my daughter? [laughing]
Just kiddin'. Sort of.
[chewing loudly] Mm!
This is delicious!
What do you call it?
A roll of paper towels.
Mm! And the bone is the best part.
[gnawing and slurping]
See? Someone likes my cooking.
This is too good to be true.
Aw, Leela, you sure
you can't stay for dinner?
Yeah work has just been super busy.
No, it hasn't
[chomping, chewing]
Mm. You should get your mom's recipe.
[Connor giggles]
Hi! I baked some fresh cookies
for you to give us
to welcome us to the neighborhood.
That is so thoughtful.
Thank you.
[door slams]
[Bender chomping and chewing]
[loud burping, flames whooshing]
- Who was it?
- Nobody. With no cookies.
[eyePhone ringing]
[Munda]
Leela, is this a bad time?
Always. What's up?
We're planning the annual family trip.
Are you free anytime soon?
Oh yeah
Sorry, but I don't think so.
[Professor snoring]
We're just so swamped with work here.
I really wish I could, it's
Oh, no worries. We figured.
You cancelling's become
part of the tradition.
[chuckles]
It's fine.
We'll go with Zoidberg.
Hooray!
Zoidberg?
On our family trip?
- We'll send you a postcard.
- She already hung up, Morris.
I can see her right there.
That? That's just her ugly profile photo.
Let me just
[static crackles]
[somber music playing]
["I Get Around"
by The Beach Boys playing]
- I get around ♪
- Yeah ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
I get around ♪
- I get around ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- From town to town ♪
Get around, round, round,
I get around ♪
- I'm a real cool head ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- I'm making real good bread ♪
Get around, round, round ♪
I get around ♪
[Zoidberg and Munda yelp]
I'm getting bugged driving up
and down this same old strip ♪
I gotta find a new place
where the kids are hip ♪
- I get around ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- From town to town ♪
Get around, round, round,
I get around ♪
- I'm a real cool head ♪
- Get around, round, round ♪
- I get around ♪
- I'm making real good bread ♪
Get around, round, round,
I get around ♪
I get arou ♪
[electricity zaps]
[intense music playing]
Whoa! So close!
It's too exciting.
I can't take the suspense!
[rats squeaking and chirping]
Last season there was a snake.
[Zoidberg laughs]
Hello, everybody!
Leela! What's the occasion?
Did I die? [chuckles]
Zing!
[Leela fake chuckles]
Join us for dinner, sweetie.
Your mom cooked Zoidberg's favorite meal.
Beef bourguignon made from shoe rubber.
And fresh escargot.
Wow! You've worked so hard
to make Zoidberg feel at home.
Even though it's not.
But don't worry,
I'll take him off your hands now.
Oh, we don't mind.
We love Johnny Z!
He's a treasure, is what he is.
Uh-huh.
No, no. Leela is right.
I should go impose on someone else.
But before I do, may I say something
from the hearts?
- Please.
- Of course.
Can you email it?
[poignant music playing]
When my species mates, they die,
so I never met my parents.
I never got to experience
their love, or abuse,
whichever one they were gonna do.
But this? This has been the best
two-and-a-half months of my life.
I came here with an empty suitcase,
but I'm leaving with
a suitcase full of love
and hopefully a to-go bucket
of those sewer snails.
The feeling is mutual.
You're like the child we never had.
You had me, but you sent me away!
Well, we won't make that mistake again.
Morris, should we do the thing
we were discussing?
Really? The one you said
you're too old for?
- The other one.
- Oh, oh, right.
Dr. Zoidberg, we've been talking.
[tender music playing]
And if you're willing
We'd like to adopt you.
[sniffles] Really?
I've never felt this feeling.
I think it's called happiness.
Adopt? Him?!
Leela, we're gonna be brother and sister!
You're not my brother!
You're a gross, lazy, freeloading bum!
Sibling rivalry, I love it!
Welcome to the family.
[tentacles squishing]
I feel sick.
No worries, sis.
You can lie down in my room.
Ugh!
♪♪
This all is the adoption paperwork.
Just sign your John Gamecock here, here,
and, uh, fill in your young'un's
date of hatchin'.
[feather plucks]
P'caw!
Now, per this agreement,
Dr. Zoidberg will inherit half
of your extensive financial debts.
That debt was supposed to be mine!
I can't believe I'll have
my own debt someday.
I promise to nurture and grow it.
I say, I say, the adoption
is now complete.
You may kiss the crab.
[both smooching]
[group cheering]
Yeah!
[upbeat party music playing]
Your own grandfather?
Interesting.
I mean, it's a compromise, right?
The dumpster's on the small side,
but it's a good school district.
I always say,
"location, location, location."
- Where do you live?
- The sewer.
[glass clinks, shatters]
Friends, on this happy day,
my joy bladder is overflowing.
I'd like to make a toast
to my mom, my dad,
and my dear sister, Leela.
That's it!
This is ridiculous.
- Leela
- It's not fair!
Now that my parents are
finally part of my life,
I'm losing them.
You're stealing my parents!
You mean our parents.
Leela, we have enough love
to smother the both of you.
Spare me.
You love Zoidberg so much,
you can have him.
Go back to your garbage house
and enjoy your garbage life!
[gentle music playing]
[Munda sobbing]
Leela! You're a terrible daughter.
I wish we never abandoned you!
How dare you talk to
Mommy and Daddy like this.
And in public no less!
I'm ashamed to call myself your brother.
Then don't!
'Cause you're not my [groans]
[groaning]
I don't feel so good.
Here, have some of
my emergency mint julep.
[group gasps]
P'caw!
She's not breathing!
She needs a doctor!
Our son is a doctor!
[choking] Different doctor!
Different doctor!
[chokes]
Fry? What happened?
You passed out in the middle
of insulting your parents.
We're here if you wanna finish.
Mom, Dad, you came?
After how I behaved?
I'm so sorry.
I should never have said
any of those things,
out loud.
Aw, sweetie, we love you.
We're just happy you're
awake and slightly sedated.
[Dr. Tenderman blowing nose]
Are you okay, doctor?
I'm not sick.
I've just been crying.
[emotional]
Sorry, this is really hard for me.
Do you mind holding my hand, sir?
Of course.
Leela, I'm afraid
you've suffered total blenal failure.
[dramatic sting]
[all gasp]
Oh no!
Unless that's good.
You'll die unless you get
an immediate blenal gland transplant.
No problem!
She can have mine.
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
The blenal gland is found
only in certain mutants.
Also, I'm afraid
it's not even that simple.
She'll need a tissue match
from a relative.
Like me! Her adopted brother.
I'm afraid
you're stupid.
♪♪
If there's a match, we'll find it.
We've rounded up all of Leela's relatives,
no matter how distant.
I'm her grandmother.
I know, Ma.
I'm scared of needles. Just FYI.
Don't worry.
It barely hurts a lot.
[shrieks]
[quills whooshing]
Sorry about that.
[tense, suspenseful music playing]
[computer buzzing]
Have you found a match?
Not even close.
[sobbing] Oh, why did I become a doctor?!
Leela's going to die!
[group] No!
[continues sobbing]
Unless
this last sample is a match.
What was that long pause for?
I just needed a moment.
[hopeful music playing]
[computer chirping]
[computer chimes]
I don't believe it!
A match!
[group cheering]
Who is it?
[dramatic sting]
[Dr. Tenderman] I can't read it.
I've been crying too much.
It's me, your brother!
- [group] Huh?
- Wha?
I took a sample of my own blenal fluid.
Like so!
[shell cracks]
[groans]
But but [stammers]
How can Zoidberg be related to me?
It defies explanation!
I can explain it!
[curtain squeaking]
Judith! Did you receive
my marriage proposal?
Yes. Did you receive
my restraining order?
I did!
I was in town for
the Museum of Natural History Gala
and I tripped down the stairs
in my stiletto flip-flops.
- I may never walk again.
- Bummer.
You were saying about Zoidberg
being my tissue match?
Oh, right. Yes.
It seems you and Zoidberg
have a common ancestor.
How?
[Dr. Judith]
Approximately five billion years ago,
a comet struck our planet,
wiping out the crabosaurs.
[Bender]
You told us already. Move it along!
[meteorite booms]
[crabosaurs splattering]
[Dr. Judith] The ejecta carried
crab splatter into space,
containing DNA
that plotzed on many planets,
including ancient Earth.
[meteorite splashes]
Decapodian genes were incorporated
into some of your early life forms,
jazzing them up with
claws and tentacles
[ammonite]
Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop.
and, of course, blenal glands.
I thought as much.
But I'm not a sea creature.
My parents are land mutants.
The Mutagenic Lake!
Our people have absorbed
a little of everything.
Of course! Your mother's tentacles
and Zoidberg's mouth danglers
are just different expressions
of the same gene!
Well, that's right, Professor.
And I thought you were just a vapid hunk.
[Professor giggles]
Leela and Zoidberg are related,
if distantly.
Their common ancestor:
the extinct crabosaurs of Decapod 10.
[dramatic sting]
[Leela gasps and wheezes]
[button clicks, curtain squeaking]
Leela, as your brother
who is also related to you,
I'd be honored to donate a blenal gland.
But will you be okay?
Please! I've got blenal glands
coming outta my schnookus.
[softly] Use one of those.
[gentle music playing]
Thanks, brother.
If I die, please donate my debt
to a children's hospital.
I'm afraid
the operation was a complete success!
- Ooh.
- Yay!
Leela, do you need another pillow?
I have six pillows, Mom.
[Munda] Have seven.
I made something like tea.
I'm okay, thank you.
I'm gonna get some more pillows.
Morris, make another pot of tea.
Ugh, enough with the tea!
Mom, Dad, we're okay!
Please, just let us rest.
Yes, rest.
Here's another pillow.
I'll run to the store for more tea.
[door closes]
Geez, they are so annoying.
Tell me about it!
Why don't they just spray us
with a tea fire hose?
[Leela chuckles]
I guess only a sibling can appreciate
how annoying your parents are.
And I'm happy to have that now.
Me too, sis.
But seriously, they're awful.
I need to move out.
♪♪
My folks are obnoxious.
Any chance I could be your roommate?
Sorry. We're moving to Hoboken.
We found a refrigerator box
that's twice the size of this place!
You get a lot more box
for your buck out there.
[keys jingling]
Here, take the kajiggers.
But I don't have any money.
We'll work somethin' out.
[clicks tongue]
Okay. As long as it
doesn't involve money.
[gentle music playing]
[gentle music continues]
[toilet flushes]
[gentle music continues]
[fanfare playing]