Futurama s11e06 Episode Script

1
[upbeat theme music playing]
[glass shatters]
[theme concludes]
[tranquil music playing]
[babysitter screaming]
[blinds rattle]
What a beautiful day.
Time to rise and photosynthesize.
Wake up and smell the water. [giggles]
[sighs]
There goes your ding-dong daddy,
yip-yappin' at that coffee plant again.
It's not just a plant, woman.
It's my father!
It grew out of his grave
and sucked the personality
out of his corpse.
Come on, Dad.
Show 'em you can talk.
Oh yes, now I hear him.
He's sayin', "Quit bein' a Looney Tune
and come join your family for breakfast."
[door shuts]
Why won't ya speak in front of them?
I like making ya squirm. [laughs]
[coughing]
But I won't be doin' it much longer.
My leaves are fallin' off.
My beans are hangin' low.
It is time to toss me in the compost.
But don't you wanna see
your grandson grow up?
How am I supposed to do that,
ya ding-dong?
I got no eyeballs!
Then what are those white dots?
I don't know.
Look like unripe beans to me.
I thought you couldn't see!
[leaf rustles]
Huh, you got spots on your leaves, too.
Could be some plant disease.
It's irie, son. [coughs]
Let nature run its course.
It's anything but irie!
You need help!
[grunting]
You forgot your Egg McManwich!
[dramatic music playing]
[crew slurping coffee]
Where's Hermes?
It's not like him to be
less than 10 minutes early.
Uh-oh. Is it
"bring your plant to work day"?
No, this is my father!
And he's sick.
Wha?
Oh, right. Your poor dad.
- Okay, sure.
- It's his dad, alright.
We're humoring him.
I can see you winking!
Ooh, ooh. Mr. Conrad!
I happen to know a nice lady
who's great with plants.
Is she a plant doctor?
She will be, when she finishes
her botany degree.
Her name is Marianne.
- [all gasping]
- Mary who?
Marianne? Your old girlfriend?
The only woman in the universe
who finds your smell attractive?
That's her! I've got proof even.
Shwow. How'd you fit all
those pictures in your wallet?
Easy. There's no money taking up space.
So, are you and her still?
Yes! But also, no.
She's been studying at Mars University
the past few years,
so we're on a break.
Got it.
[whispering] She dumped him.
Things are complicated,
but we still care for each other.
Yes, yes. It's a complicationship.
My dad's droppin' leaves, people!
I'll call and ask if she can help.
[phone dialing]
[thudding and yelps]
Marianne? It's John!
[cat screeching, owl hooting]
Hang on, let me shut the front lid.
[hinges squeaking]
[cat screeching]
[gentle music playing]
[bus engine whirring]
[landing thuds]
I haven't seen her in so long.
Are the flowers too much?
No. She'll love 'em.
You're right! I'm trying too hard.
[munching] Yum.
John! What lovely stems. Thank you.
It's nice to see you.
Oh no, you don't. I'm getting a hug.
[soft, romantic music plays]
Eyyyyy!
[mops sloshing]
See? Told you it was fun.
[door opens]
Everyone, remember Marianne?
Marianne, remember everyone?
Of course. How wonderful to see you all.
- [all greeting]
- [Bender] Hey, alright!
Oh! Her!
This calls for
a not-do-any-work dance party!
[dance music playing]
Oh yeah. Come on, yeah.
Do that dance. Shake that booty.
Do that
[music stops abruptly]
I hate it here.
You must be drained from traveling.
Can I bring you some sink water?
Maybe a nice packet mustard?
Water would be lovely.
Okay, we've got questions.
I'm an open book.
Admit it. This whole school thing
was an excuse to ditch Crabbo, right?
What? No!
[touching music playing]
I always dreamed of studying botany.
But I was just a poor flower girl.
I could never afford it
until Johnny Zed
made my dreams come true.
He's been paying my tuition for years now.
- Aw.
- Whoa.
Really? Suddenly, he's kinda hot.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How can Zoidberg pay anything?
He's completely broke.
Yes. Because he's been paying my tuition.
He never told you?
[sighs] That is so like him.
What? Why are you looking at me
without contempt?
Well, I didn't take
a 90 million-mile bus ride
with a slingshot around Jupiter
to chit-chat.
Where's my patient?
Right here!
[leaf rustles]
Oh, mocha blight. What a shame.
This plant will be dead soon.
- [gasps]
- Beautiful pot, though.
Save the pot.
[Hermes sobbing]
[somber music playing]
I think Hermes needs a moment alone.
Come on, show some respect.
[dance music playing]
Oh yeah, to the beat, y'all ♪
Do the Bender, to the beat, y'all ♪
Do the Bender ♪
To the beat, y'all, oh yeah! ♪
[somber music playing]
I'm sorry, Hermes.
I didn't realize this plant was your
father, did you say?
Perhaps there is something we can do.
What is it?!
I'll write off whatever it takes!
We'd have to move him to a special habitat
that one of my instructors manages.
- Is it far away?
- Not too far.
We won't even have to leave the universe!
[epic music playing]
[Planet Express rockets roaring]
♪♪
[landing thuds]
Thanks for agreeing to help us, Professor.
Professor? That's my name!
Professor of Plant Biology, okay?
I'm a plant biologist.
Didn't you used to be
a something-else biologist?
First whale, then bear,
then I realized I hated animals,
so I became a plant biologist.
But guess what?!
My friend Hermes has
a beloved, uh, specimen
he'd like to plant here,
a small coffee tree.
Oh, a coffee tree! I love those.
- Really?
- What do you think?!
[leaves rustling]
Ugh.
It's covered in mocha blight.
That's all that's holding it together.
Give it to me straight.
Does he have any chance of survival?
I'm sorry to say this, but yes.
[wondrous music playing]
These greenhouses are magnificent!
If you say so.
They were built to conserve plants
from around the universe.
Why? I don't know.
Seems kinda dry for a coffee tree.
This dome is for plants from
the southwestern part of the universe.
Mostly succulents.
- I call them "suckalots" for short.
- That's not shorter.
Well, it's more accurate.
[wind whooshes]
Yeah, you better tumble!
[sweeping music playing]
This is the Cloud Forest Dome.
I hate this one'cause
we have to keep the humidifier
set on Gainesville.
Feels fine to me.
And this is the Tropical Dome,
- bursting at the seams with my nemesis, life.
- [Marianne gasps]
Is this what I think it is?
Do you think it's a Jumbo Corpse Plant
from Bromelius 12?
I do!
I've read about them,
but I've never seen one in person.
It's just the most exquisite plant.
That's not saying much.
I've had better-looking tumors!
But they say the flower
is simply stunning.
I'd do anything to see,
and especially smell, one in bloom.
Well, I love to be the bearer of bad news,
but they only bloom every hundred years.
Plus the flower stinks
like a rotting whale.
And I would know.
When I was a whale biologist,
all the whales I took care of died.
I think I'd like the odor.
But then, my taste is different from most.
[romantic music playing]
[sweat sloshing]
[nasally] Way different.
[footsteps plodding]
[robot squeaking]
There must be some place
to stick a coffee plant.
I'll tell you where you can stick it.
Right here!
In this partially-shaded
andosolic planting bed.
[solemn music playing]
Apply this blight spray twice a day.
And don't neglect his beans.
[spray hissing]
Hey! Give the man a little privacy.
Now we just wait and see if it works.
It might take a week or so.
We have a whole week together?!
I mean, that's fine.
No big whoop.
[yawns] Yard work wears me out.
Let's hit the bunks, ladies.
Yes. Good night, John.
Good night. [groans]
[somber music plays]
[Bender laughing]
Classic! I gotta see that again.
[recording whirring]
Good night. [groans]
- [Bender laughing] Classic!
- Oh, that's classic!
[crickets chirping]
[soft music playing]
[Leela snoring]
[Face Gravy sloshing]
♪♪
[metal creaking]
Good night.
[powers down]
Zoidberg, I want to thank you
for reaching out to Marianne.
I finally feel hope for my father.
No, thank you!
Seeing Marianne again has been wonderful.
Although, it's brought up feelings
I had shoved deep down in my shell.
Well, you gotta tell her how you feel.
I did that with Leela, and boom!
Ten years later, we got together.
[snorting, choking, yelps]
I just had a horrible dream
about a horrible stench!
[metal creaking]
[nose sniffing]
[gagging]
Oh! What smells like a foot's butt?
[flashlight clicks]
Come on! The corpse plant is blooming.
Let me just put on my pants.
There's no time for pants. Move it!
[wondrous music playing]
[Corpse Flower rustling]
It's happening!
It's about to flower
for the first time in a century!
So it's gonna smell even worse?
God, I hope so.
[Corpse Flower rustling]
Come on, Corpse Flower. You got this!
[creaking]
[majestic music playing]
[fumes billowing]
[crew gasps]
[sniffing]
[all groaning]
[stomping]
- [both sniffing]
- It's heavenly.
Papa like.
This stench-quarium will seal things in.
[crank rattling]
[glass tube thuds]
[sniffing] Better, but still vile.
Let's go back and huff geraniums
'til we pass out.
- [all agreeing]
- [biologist] Outta my way!
That smell was so profound.
- Care to go in for a closer whiff?
- I'd love to.
Oh, isn't it glorious?
My crazy lobster organs
are trembling in awe.
[sniffs] Oh!
[sighs ecstatically]
Marianne, now that
we have a moment alone,
could we have a little talk maybe?
We could.
But I'd rather make out.
[moaning, slurping]
[Zoidberg whooping]
[curious sci-fi music playing]
[tongs snapping]
[Marianne giggling]
You know, those two never came
back to the dorm last night.
Ooh, scandalous!
[fan flapping]
So where were you guys?
Observing that big flower.
Oh, we observed it, alright,
from every possible position.
And some that aren't! [giggles]
Marianne! Not in front of the Fry.
Ya hungry, Dad?
I brought you some yummy fish emulsion.
Where are you?
[Badrick Conrad]
[weakly] Down here, son.
[dramatic sting]
[Hermes gasps]
What happened?!
Nothing. I'm still dyin',
just in a weirder place.
But I'm not ready to say goodbye.
That's obvious. You're talking to a plant.
But I'm goin' roots-up.
It's time to accept that.
[somber music playing]
[Hermes sobbing]
I was so sure that thing
would bounce back.
It's got everything it needs.
Except a reason to live.
[sputters] Even I don't have that.
Maybe Marianne can help!
She's over at the stink booth.
[wondrous music playing]
I have some news.
Me too. And it's incredible.
I believe this plant is
attempting to communicate!
You think it's talking to you?
Oy, you sound like
my crazy best friend, Hermes.
I thought I'd smelled it all.
But these fragrances are so complex.
It's like a language.
What, Stinklish? [laughs]
I'm serious. Come closer.
Try listening with your nose.
[sniffs]
Nothing. Maybe I'm hard of smelling.
[muffled] Whoa!
[both deeply inhale]
[mystical music playing]
[Corpse Flower] Greetings.
- [both gasp]
- I hear a smell!
[Corpse Flower] It is nice to finally
have someone to stink to.
Normally, I only attract flies,
so you're a big step up.
Thank you. I can't believe this!
[Corpse Flower]
Your excitement is reciprocated.
Woo-hoo! The vocabulary on this one.
Oh dear. You're sentient!
And all this time I've been poking
and sampling you.
Can you forgive me?
[Corpse Flower]
There is nothing to forgive,
for I feel no pain.
I find you both delightful.
[giggles]
Would you mind if I collected pollen
from near your spadix?
[Corpse Flower]
Gather all you'd like. I'll make more.
Who woulda thunk it?
Me, a run-of-the-mill mollusk,
becoming besties
with a space plant.
Not bad for a day's work, huh, Marianne?
Your spathe it's so velvety.
And it smells so good. [giggles]
[sniffs deeply, moans]
[Corpse Flower]
I am glad. Please enjoy it.
Caress it. Rub your face on it.
Like this?
[pollen squelching]
[Corpse Flower] Yes, that is good.
That is very, very good.
[melancholy music playing]
[chomping]
Don't get too close
while you're feeding
the carnivorous plants.
I used to have an assistant.
[chewing]
[mouth full] Oh!
We're supposed to feed them?
Marianne is the only girl
that ever loved me.
But now she's in love with
that smooth-talking corpse flower!
Boo-hoo! It's just a plant.
Some of us have real problems.
Zoidberg, you boob!
Your chick is a botany nerd.
And when nerds get to nerding,
their excitement can easily be
mistaken for arousal.
Remember that time I got down and nerdy
at the planetarium?
Vividly!
Huh. Maybe I misread things.
[dramatic music playing]
[Marianne exhales]
I know you're intrigued
by this plant, Marianne.
I get it.
It's tall. It can turn
carbon dioxide into starch.
But what you and I have
is the most precious thing in my life.
So if your feelings have changed,
please let me know.
I can take it.
You're right.
The truth is
I'm in love with Corpsey.
[groaning]
But I'm also in love with you.
- How 'bout wha?
- I need you both.
I know this is very sudden,
but if there's room in your heart,
I think the three of us could have
a beautiful life together.
Three?
[Corpse Flower] Marianne
has told me all about you,
and I find you [sniffing]
very attractive.
- I realize it's a bit unconventional.
- A bit?
But who's to say
what love should look like?
Well, I guess you
can't have too much love.
[touching music playing]
[both sniffing]
[Marianne sighs]
[Corpse Flower] Yes, smell
my pungent words of passion.
[dramatic music playing]
[device whirring]
[beeping]
Well?
I'm not sure he'll make it
through the night,
but I'll come back in the morning
to burn the remains.
Bring marshmallows. It'll be fun.
[somber music playing]
I wish we'd had more time together,
but I'm thankful for what we got.
Ah, now listen.
I might never have drunk from
a World's Greatest Dad mug,
but I recognize goodness.
And right now, I'm lookin' at a good man.
I thought you couldn't see.
Don't nitpick, son.
I'm proud of ya.
I love you, Dad.
Bah! I'm not worthy of love. [coughs]
Just do me a favor.
Pick my scraggly beans and roast them up.
And when I'm gone,
brew one last pot of me.
I will. [sniffles]
[leaves rustle]
And don't burn them beans!
Respect the beans!
[wondrous music playing]
[leaves rustle]
[crew groaning and gagging]
Oh, hello.
I imagine you're all a bit shocked.
We are way past shocked.
Not that it's any of your business,
but we're in a loving, committed,
three-way floral arrangement.
This is the most disgusting
kind of perversion.
The kind that's not mine!
Well, I think it's great.
No one's getting hurt and they're happy.
That's all that matters.
My disgust matters!
Only a little.
[solemn music playing]
[LaBarbara]
Incoming sympathy, husband!
[coffee beans rattling]
[sniffing]
[beans clattering]
Oh, my sweet, strange man.
I'm so sorry that we razzed you
about your plant daddy.
We can see that your hurt is real.
My condolences.
I'm told he was a nice dad
and a wonderful shrub.
Thank you for trying to help him.
And thank you all for your kindness.
I hope you'll join me at sunrise
to say farewell as he moves on
to that big arboretum in the sky.
Isn't this a big arboretum in the sky?
- Zip it!
- [yelps]
[gentle music playing]
Life is so short.
We should live it to the fullest.
[kiss smacks]
[both] Surprise!
It's a romantic pic-a-nic, why not?
I hope you're in the mood for compost.
[Corpse Flower sighs]
[both sniff]
You smell upset, my love.
What's wrong?
[Corpse Flower] This is difficult.
I am searching for
the right odors to say this.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no!
[Corpse Flower] You are beautiful beings,
and I deeply love how into me you are.
But, I have fallen for someone else.
You plant bastard!
With whom? Or what?
[Corpse Flower] Coffee.
[leaves rustling]
Ooh! I didn't realize your
big flower was right here.
Listen, you're not gonna believe this,
but my dad's blight is gone!
He's got new beans coming in.
It's a miracle!
[voice breaking]
That makes me so happy.
[Marianne crying]
Love conquers all, son, even disease.
Thank you for never givin' up on me.
I couldn't just leave you here to die.
No, but you can leave me here to live.
[touching music playing]
[fly buzzing]
Thank you all for coming
to this ridiculous wedding.
As if there's anything else to do
on this godforsaken space dump.
[clears throat]
George Washington Carver once said,
"Anything will give up its secrets
if you love it enough.
"Not only have I found that
when I talk to the little flower
"or to the little peanut,
they will give up their secrets,
"but I have found
"that when I silently commune with people,
they give up their secrets, also,
if you love them enough."
[book thuds shut]
God, that guy was a blowhard!
[Leela sobs]
I'm crying at a wedding for plants. Why?
'Cause you're awesome.
[touching music continues]
[sniffling] These aren't tears.
These These are allergies.
Stupid pollen.
Anyway, here, surrounded
by friends and fronds,
I now pronounce you plant,
and other plant.
[crank rattling]
[fumes hissing]
♪♪
[all] Aw!
[gagging and coughing]
People, I will now pour
my dad's homegrown coffee
for a toast.
[coffee pouring]
[Corpse Flower] Oh, um, hello.
It's alright, my friend.
I'm truly happy for you.
That was beautiful.
I hope you have hundreds
of lovely years together.
[Corpse Flower] Your kind words
are the best wedding gift I could receive.
And also the least expensive.
[pouring]
[Leela slurping]
No coffee for me.
Caffeine gives me leg jitters.
Oh, live a little!
[pouring]
[melancholy music playing]
You seem so sad and distant.
Are we not a "we" anymore?
I can't imagine why you'd want us to be.
I've made such a mess of things.
Marianne, stuff happens.
Sometimes people meet,
sometimes they fall in love.
Sometimes they separate for college,
then try a plant thing they both wanted,
and it doesn't work out.
But if you're honest and kind
and keep trying,
someday you get this.
And you are honest and kind.
Do you wanna keep trying?
I do.
["Walking on Sunshine"
by Sam Amidon playing]
[coffee pouring]
To love, in all its forms!
[all] To love!
[slurping, spits]
Sweet lava of Java, that's hot!
I used to think maybe you loved me ♪
Now, baby, I'm sure ♪
[glasses clinking]
[upbeat acoustic guitar playing]
[monitor beeping]
And I just can't wait till the day ♪
When you knock on my door ♪
[feet jittering]
I'm walking on sunshine, oh ♪
Walking on sunshine, oh ♪
Walking on sunshine, oh ♪
Now don't it feel good? ♪
♪♪
I don't want you back for the weekend ♪
Not back for the day ♪
Oh, no, no ♪
'Cause, baby, I just want you back ♪
And I want you to stay ♪
I feel alive ♪
I feel loved ♪
♪♪