American Horror Story s13e03 Episode Script

1
All I want for Christmas
is my two front teeth.
[CONSTANCE GIGGLES]
[SIGHING] Ugh. Is she
gonna do that all night,
those fucking holiday puns?
You know what? Watch
your language, okay?
- Swear jar.
- Adelaide is enjoying the holiday spirit.
So
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
are you going to,
uh, officially introduce
your special guest to
all of us here, huh?
Winter, darling. Such an
appropriate glacial name.
Of course.
It's time for the grand unveiling.
You'll know her just by looking at her.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[CONSTANCE] Oh, yes.
That Glasgow smile ear to ear.
And that attractive blossom.
Thank you.
I hate to interrupt a family gathering.
Oh, no, no, no, Miss Short. Please.
Don't let those concerns wrinkle
your pretty little brow line.
[CHUCKLES]
Very soon, you will be
among 13 leading ladies,
all as legendary as you are.
- It's Elizabeth, isn't it?
- That's right.
Miss Elizabeth Short.
As in, "Short on cash".
[WINTER CHUCKLES]
A black Christmas tree.
I find that so macabre.
[CONSTANCE] It's not
a Christmas tree, dear.
It's a symbol
memorializing the Rauhnacht.
The Rauhnacht?
[KAI] German pagans knew
what today's people forgot.
This is our darkest time of year,
which they hailed as the smoky nights.
When the veil between light
and shadow was at its thinnest.
When the dead quit their graves
and the demons wander freely
through the gates of hell.
Their time is our time, mein Schatz.
So pay heed.
This is the 13th night
after the birth of that Christ child.
I'm sorry, but where am I?
We're in the home of Mr. Nas.
It's grand, isn't it?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
He's a mastermind, and he's
just going to eat you up.
- [LIGHTER SPARKS]
- May I ask how you heard of me?
Well, dear, your quest
for fame was fulfilled.
- Well, you were in all the newspapers.
- I was?
You seem to be confused
about why you're here
and how you arrived here.
I am.
I'm so disconnected from who I am,
from where I'm supposed to be.
I feel rather faint.
That's because you've
traveled such a long, long way.
[CHUCKLES] Let's put some
color back into those
slashed cheeks of yours.
Get this girl some nourishment.
I think we have some
leftover holiday ham.
I'll carve it up.
[BANGS]
[BANGING]
["MIDNIGHT MASQUERADE"
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
That looks like an unusual ham.
- It's a special ham for special people.
- I sailed away when love was through ♪
- Then some friends I knew ♪
- Ah
Took me to a midnight masquerade ♪
I felt an old familiar
thrill linger with me still ♪
Dancing to a dreamy serenade ♪
At twelve o'clock, to my surprise ♪
Without disguise ♪
Stood my love of
old, our love remade ♪
[ADELAIDE] Eat up.
Two broken hearts that fell apart ♪
Got a second start ♪
- [ELIZABETH] Hmm. Mmm.
- It happened at a midnight masquerade ♪
Mmm.
I didn't know how hungry I was.
Please, Miss Short,
savor each and every bite.
Children, do you realize that we
are sitting here with a true legend?
Miss Short, perhaps I could
help rekindle your memories?
You see, once upon a time,
you left a rented room in Hollywood
on the 9th of January
in the year of 1947.
Your true stardom began on the 15th
when you were discovered
in a vacant lot.
[SQUELCHING]
Some seductive villain
had sliced you in two
- [BANGS]
- and then sliced you in two again
- [BANGS]
- and that famous smile of yours
was crafted for you
on the 13th day of January.
She is really hitting
that 13 extra hard, right?
[KAI] Shh.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOGS GROWLING, BARKING]
Joe, whose monsters are those?
Dog day care.
[GROWLING, BARKING]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[GROWLING, BARKING]
Tell us what you remember.
Tell us about your
journey to this place.
Ever the cult leader.
- [KAI] Shh.
- [SHUSHING] Let her speak.
I remember a promise of stardom,
and then arriving at the
doorstep of a stranger
and ending up in some
[DOOR CLOSES]
barbaric room.
I remember ether, the
bitter smell of it,
- saws, clamps
- [INHALES DEEPLY]
to pull out unwanted babies.
"Make America great again."
Instruments of torture
gleaming in the gaslight.
I remember then the
first cut here on my face.
He thought I couldn't
feel it, but I could.
And I remember thinking, "Scream. Run."
But I couldn't.
I was paralyzed.
- And then
- Blackness?
- Oblivion?
- Like a Klonopin.
Let's get to the good stuff. I'm bored.
[SHUSHING]
And then suddenly, I was alive.
I found myself in a
graveyard surrounded by mist.
The same thing happened to us.
Drawn upwards, forwards.
Returned to our promise.
Rebirth!
- Hail.
- I reached a women's shelter.
But they all screamed
at the sight of my face.
The horror of what had been done to me.
And then I remembered my
PO box in Larchmont Village.
And there was the mysterious package
with the mask and the bus ticket.
Mrs. Langdon, were they from you?
The kindness of strangers. [CHUCKLES]
Always dependable.
That ticket brought me
here to your doorstep.
New York, New York.
You can make it here,
you can make it anywhere.
Well, that was my hope.
"Oh, they finally sent
for me", I thought.
"They saw my headshot, and
they're going to make me a star."
And what a shining star you will be
on this night of nights.
Alexa, play "Liebesträume".
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Alexa, stop.
[MUSIC STOPS]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
I told your agency you were
not to come in this evening.
I mean, absolutely off duty.
What is the matter with you?
What are you, dense?
It's news to me. Look, I can only
follow rules that I know about.
Like no smoking or vaping in
the home of an elderly patient.
Not to mention you're
throwing a party in there.
A party? [LAUGHS]
A party. What?
A few friends and family stopped
by on their way to their next event.
That is it. It is not a party.
That is it.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Mr. Lambrusco, I didn't mean to
come at you like a dentist drill.
[CHUCKLES]
But you have to understand that
I get very overly protective
when my darling little
daughter is nearby.
Okay, well, then for her too.
I mean, all this secondhand
smoke is a problem.
Oh.
You are absolutely right.
My, you have so much
to teach, don't you?
It-It's just that
Well, you found me at my most vulnerable
with all my little songbirds
returning to their nest
after their far migrations.
[BEN] Mm-hmm.
Oh. Why don't you join our
little soiree, hmm? Please.
It was wrong of me not
to invite you. Here.
[SPEAKS GERMAN]
- [GROANS] Oh I shouldn't.
- Come on. Please, please.
Of course you should,
of course you should.
You must.
You absolutely must try it.
Come on. Here. [CHUCKLES]
It'll loosen your screws.
We're all wound a little tight,
the holiday season and all, aren't we?
Are
Luigi Linguini
[CHUCKLES]
what was it you were
trying to help me understand?
I'm not trying to impose my own
ideas, Constance. You hear me?
These are the findings and assertions
of science, of people like you and me.
We all experiment and find out
how to best care for the people
that we care for, and we
rely on each other's results.
I just I need to
know more about my, uh
[CLICKS TONGUE] Our patient.
- [SLURPS]
- Of course. Of course you do.
And I have been scribbling notes
about our dear Mr. Nas just for you.
I mean, he doesn't speak much, but
you must have noticed the, um
Drink up.
The fluttering of an eyelid
or flaring of a nostril.
The rise and fall of his Adam's
apple with each gulp of emotion.
I mean, he may be a man of 90,
but he has a lot of living
- [SPUTTERS]
- left to do.
Ninety?
He just turned 87.
Well, your fealty to
medical charts is admirable,
but why don't we save all
this for another day, huh?
Go ahead. Finish it up.
Why don't you stay here tonight with us?
Everything's been arranged.
Constance, I'm glad that
we both understand the
the value of
Yes.
Now, here's my lecture for you.
Time moves forward,
and what we do with that
motion is entirely up to you.
So many passengers
living marginal lives.
Is that what you are, as
ordinary as a tub of margarine?
No.
I get a sense that there's
something more to you.
And
perhaps when you wake
up from all of this,
you'll know who you really are.
- Sleep.
- [GRUNTS SOFTLY]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TATE] Should I just get rid of him?
- [CONSTANCE] No.
No, not this one. Just leave him be.
He'll sleep it off.
Won't remember his own
damn name from a prayer.
Now, you know what you have to do, huh?
But you must be careful.
Promise me you'll be careful.
I promise.
- Mmm.
- [KISSES]
[SIGHS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
Will there be a chaperone
for me, Mrs. Langdon?
I've yet to make the acquaintance
of a single gentleman in New York City,
and I intend to be
careful with my reputation.
Oh, Miss Short.
Why, I would never, ever, ever send
a young lady into improper company.
More booze.
Oh, no. I'm sorry, Mrs.
Langdon, but I couldn't.
A lady never drinks.
[CONSTANCE] Oh
Just one little sip of
my eggnog. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, come on. It'll loosen your
hubcaps in the most delightful way.
Drink it.
[ELIZABETH] Mmm.
This punch packs quite
the wallop. [CHUCKLES]
Well, you're gonna need a little nip
before you go down to that speakeasy.
I mean, you remember
what speakeasies are like,
don't you, Miss Short?
Where is the speakeasy, may I ask?
New York's hottest club.
It's called Club Hell.
They put stickers over your phone,
pitchforks up your ass
and hoods over your head.
This club has everything.
Addy will take you from here.
Oh, you're not coming to the party?
[CONSTANCE] Parties are
for the young. [CHUCKLES]
I used to be able to stomach
festivities like that, but
No, the hangover in my heart
lingers far too long these days.
Children, come give your mother a kiss.
- Oh [CHUCKLES]
- Love you.
My beautiful, beautiful girl.
You do your part down there.
And there's a special
place for us in the future.
You can count on me, Mother.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
I always could. [CHUCKLES]
You were always my favorite.
Sacrifices must be made.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
So you're saying we won't
have any feelings of, like
love or caring anymore?
This is the new age?
The past is all bullshit.
Empathy as some kind of currency.
Love will become what it always has been
before the fake Jesus
freaks got a hold of it.
Transactional.
I love Winter because she serves me.
Winter loves me because I'm
fucking right about everything.
Imagine a whole world
organized that way.
Where only the strong and willing rule?
Where you can take what you
want, kill what you don't?
- I could dig that.
- Says the guy in a fucking gimp suit.
Just because I can't kill
you during the ceremony
'cause it'll throw off the numbers
doesn't mean I can't
kill you some other time.
Violence is never the answer.
[ELEVATOR CREAKS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[CANE TAPPING]
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
Do you know where you are?
Club Hell, dumbass.
Will there be dancing?
You are underneath the Apollyon.
You know what that means, don't you?
[FAINT GROWLING]
[UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING]
This is the portal to hell.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]