American Horror Story s13e04 Episode Script
Is That All There Is?
1
[DOORS CREAKING]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Do you know where you are?
Club Hell, dumbass.
Will there be dancing?
You are underneath the Apollyon.
You know what that means, don't you?
This is the portal to hell.
[BEN BREATHING HEAVILY]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Mr. Nas?
[MR. NAS WHEEZING]
[GRUNTING]
There you are. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
Mr. Nas,
I don't mean to disturb you.
I've just come to check in on you.
Are you
I need to check in on you. I need to
- [LIQUID DRIPPING]
- [THUDS]
- Lower yourself.
- [SOBBING]
[GASPS, SCREAMS]
- [GASPING] No!
- [RASPING]
[UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMS]
No, no! [GASPING, GRUNTING]
[SOBBING] No, no!
[CRYING]
[GRUNTING, CRYING]
[SCREAMS]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[BEN WHIMPERS SOFTLY]
It only hurts if you fight it.
[CHUCKLES]
[BEN GRUNTS]
Here is wisdom.
- [LIQUID SQUELCHING]
- [BEN GRUNTING]
[ELSA] Such a dream
to get my beloved band back together.
So now
we sing for our supper.
Hit it.
[TAPPING ON MICROPHONE]
[GENTLE MELODY PLAYING]
[ELSA] I remember when I was a
little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the
look on my father's face
as he gathered me up in his arms
and raced through the burning
building, out to the pavement.
And I stood there
shivering in my pajamas
and watched the whole
world go up in flames.
And when it was all
over, I said to myself,
"Is that all there is to a fire?
Is that all there is?"
[BAND PLAYING "IS
THAT ALL THERE IS?"]
[SINGING] Is that all there is? ♪
If that's all there is, my friends ♪
Then let's keep dancing ♪
Let's break out the booze ♪
And have a ball ♪
If that's all ♪
There is ♪
And when I was 12 years old,
my daddy took me to the circus.
The greatest show on earth!
There were clowns and
elephants and dancing bears.
And a beautiful lady in pink
tights flew high above our heads.
And as I sat there watching,
I had the feeling that
something was missing.
I don't know what, but
when it was all over,
I said to myself, "Is that
all there is to a circus?
Is that all there is?"
Is that all there is? ♪
If that's all there is, my friends ♪
Then let's keep ♪
I know what you must
be saying to yourselves.
"If that's the way she feels about it,
why doesn't she just end it all?"
Oh, no.
Not me.
I'm not ready for that
final disappointment
because I know just as well as
I'm standing here talking to you
that when that final moment comes,
and I'm breathing my last breath,
I'll be saying to myself
Is that all there is? ♪
Is that all there is? ♪
If that's all there is, my friends ♪
Then let's keep dancing ♪
Let's break out the booze ♪
And have a ball ♪
If that's all ♪
There ♪
Is ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING]
Oh! [CHUCKLES]
[SILENCE]
[WATCH RATTLES]
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING]
[PERSON CLAPPING]
[CANE TAPS]
Fräulein.
[ELSA CHUCKLES]
Meine Damen und Herren,
mesdames et messieurs,
ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the other
greatest show on earth.
[CHUCKLES]
At last, we are assembled
here for this special occasion
around the sacred Hellmouth.
But first, let's welcome to the stage
our vibrant host,
Mr. Nas.
[ORGAN PLAYING EERIE MUSIC]
[ELSA IN GERMAN]
Scheisse.
We offer these to you, Lord,
so that you may reach
your fullest potential.
[GEARS CLANKING, TURNING]
[EERIE ORGAN MUSIC CONTINUES]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[FLAMES CRACKLING]
Tonight, a celebration of whores,
miscreants and profanities.
Thirteen ladies all taken before
they could reach their true potential.
[CHUCKLES] Okay, if you say so.
Welcome to the Jezebel Ball,
featuring Mr. Nas's favorite bad girls.
Roll call. Hit it, Paul.
[PLAYING UPBEAT SHUFFLE]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Jesus. Whose cock do I have to
suck to get a light around here?
Say hello and a warm
goodbye to Hypodermic Sally.
Smack addict, hotel harlot, murderess.
- Yeah, that about covers it.
- Wha
[SCREAMS]
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
Eva Braun.
Gestapo gal pal and house pet
- [SHOUTING IN GERMAN]
- to Adolf Hitler. Auf Wiedersehen!
[SHRIEKS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
- And Wallis Simpson.
Dynasty-busting divorcée
with an eye for the
fürher and a bod for sin.
Neither poor Ms. Braun nor I belong
anywhere near your butcher's block.
We've both been champions
of this fine cause
since before the Hindenburg.
- [SCREAMS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
What is happening? Oh,
I'm terribly frightened.
Ayn Rand, selfish
writer and welfare queen.
You can't extinguish the
only breed that matters
- [SCREAMS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
Brigitte Bardot, vegetarian
man-eater, busty bigot.
[SHOUTS IN FRENCH, SCREAMS]
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
Catherine the Great, empress
of Russia, traitor of husband,
fucker of horses.
[SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN]
- Now, that's a party trick.
- [SCREAMING]
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
[ELSA] Mamie Eisenhower.
Now, you wait just a minute.
I did nothing but tell my
husband how doggone good he was
on behalf of a grateful nation.
A frozen-dinner first
lady for the Cold War.
Average American complacency
in a frilly pink apron.
Now, you [SCREAMS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
- Jesus. How many more of these, huh?
How many more? Let's
get on with it. Christ.
Elena Ceaușescu, sneaky
Romanian tyrant, shopping addict.
- [SHOUTING IN ROMANIAN, SCREAMING]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
Jezebel. Phoenician schemer and
the original slutty princess.
[SPEAKS IN ANCIENT LANGUAGE, SCREAMS]
- Tuberculosis Karen.
- [GRUNTS]
I'm not scared of you!
I fucking dare you, you
fucked-out old whore!
- Eat shit, cocksucker!
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
Whew! That one was crazier
than a shithouse rat.
Margaret Thatcher, school milk snatcher,
common enemy to the common people,
union-busting bitch.
Your callous disregard sent Irish
hunger strikers to their death.
Crime is crime is crime. It
is not political. It is crime.
They say the lady is made of iron.
She's as hollow as Yorkshire pudding.
Trickle down this
hellhole. But no, first
first apologize.
No, no, no!
[ECHOES]
- Toodle-oo! Don't cry for her, Argentina.
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
- [PLAYS DRUM FILL]
- And now you, Elizabeth Short.
- Wait!
- [SOBS]
Before you do that, my mother
wanted us to take a moment
as a family.
Thank you, Dark Lord, for guiding
us into this new and better world.
A world where my hands can
bring justice if they so choose.
Where strength doesn't
lead to loneliness.
Where love is for the taking.
And no one can ever
tell anyone to go away.
- [ALL] Hail Satan.
- Hail Satan.
- Amen.
- [CANE TAPS]
All right, let's be done with it.
- And now, you, Elizabeth Short.
- [GASPS]
The famous Black Dahlia.
I don't understand.
[SOBS] What did I ever
do to deserve this?
I don't know.
What? Because he said so.
A wannabe actress with a loose top
and bottomless hunger for validation.
You sucked the earth dry
with your hopeless dreaming.
[CRYING] Why?
- [SCREAMING]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
[SCREAM ECHOES]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, is that all there is?
Are we one short?
Yeah, that was 12. I
thought you counted.
I was brought back for this?
[KAI] What the fuck, Winter?
- I was doing the heavy lifting.
- I was brought back for this?
We need one more. Why
don't you volunteer?
I'm out of here.
[SIGHS]
Auf Wiedersehen.
Au revoir.
Goodbye.
Bummer of a gig.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Move it.
Happy to serve.
Hail Satan.
[FLAMES CRACKLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [SHRIEK]
- [SCREAMS, GASPS]
Oh, Mr. Zamboni, I do apologize.
[PANTING] What?
My Eierlikör must have packed more
spice than the human body can bear.
You gave us quite a fright.
Too much nutmeg can lead
to myristicin poisoning.
It's not uncommon around the holidays.
You You might feel
dizzy for the next 48 hours.
[CONSTANCE] Yes, but Mr. Phibes
has assured me that
the delirium has passed.
Oh, my God.
You were tossing and turning
and screaming such crazy things.
[CHUCKLES]
But that's all over now.
Look. The sun is rising.
It's a new dawn for all of us.
Quick game of gin?
Sure. I'd rather play it
than drink it. [CHUCKLES]
Now, you just rest, honey.
Couple hours of shut-eye, and
you are going to be right as rain.
["IS THAT ALL THERE IS"
PLAYING FAINTLY ON SPEAKERS]
- Knock.
- Ugh.
Sixteen.
You're up to 65.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just deal.
You know, I figured out that
there's 13 cards in
every suit in the deck.
You know, I have to admit,
I am gonna be happier than a girl
in a sundress at the county fair
never to hear the mention
of the number 13 again.
You know, they tried
sacrificing one or two at a time,
but it barely made a
dent on his biomarkers.
I don't know whose idea it was
to sacrifice 13 at one time,
but maybe they got up to three or four,
and somebody suggested they jump
ahead to Mr. Nas's favorite number.
But [INHALES SHARPLY]
when they did,
oh, those biomarkers shot
up faster than my "enis-pay"
at The Corner Pocket
back room in New Orleans.
He was pleased.
Well, that's just fascinating.
You must tell me more.
Well, the number 13 has always
been associated with the Dark Lord
and all about evil.
Judas was the 13th
guest at the Last Supper,
which solidified that number
with death and betrayal.
Before that, 12 was the perfect number.
It was 12 months in the
year, 12 signs in the zodiac,
12 hours in the day.
But 13 disrupted that
perfection, just like Mr. Nas did.
Thirteen stands for instability, chaos.
Okay, those 13 women were
brought back by Satan himself.
But, I mean, why, why drag
them up from their graves
just to snuff them out again?
Well, last night, when our Dark Lord
finally let his son
drink from the chalice,
he wanted the sacrifices to
have a little extra sauce.
Now, remember, Rauhnacht
only comes once a year,
when the Hellmouth is at its hungriest.
How do you know all this?
I mean, what, do you have
somebody on the inside?
Oh, back in the day, when I was
in the flesh, these were my people.
I was in the room the night
Anton LaVey shaved his head.
An original member of the
Church of Satan. How about that?
My, my.
Knock.
- Eleven.
- What, are you cheating?
No. I I have three rules in life.
I never refuse a rim
job from a married man,
I never turn down a free drink,
and I never, ever cheat at cards.
I mean, what's in it for you? What
are you getting out of all of this?
Well, I had dreams, real
dreams, movie dreams.
I was gonna be the
next Kenneth Anger and
make my own version of Scorpio Rising.
But that dream died the
night I was blackjacked
by a reluctant piece
of trade I picked up
that robbed me of my wallet and my watch
and gave me a case of the gay knocks.
I died two days later, alone.
But when Mr. Nas comes
back to full strength,
he's gonna let me make that biker movie.
Yeah, might be a small
exchange for my immortal soul,
but a dream is a dream,
no matter how little.
Enough of my sob story.
How did you end up here?
Same way you did.
I made a deal with the devil.
But that story
requires a stiff one.
- My favorite kind.
- [GIGGLES]
- [GLASSWARE RATTLING]
- [CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[CONSTANCE] Just neat.
[MR. PHIBES] There's your
drink. Now spill the tea.
[CONSTANCE] I I just
want to say something.
With all due respect, I am not like you.
I am not a rough-trade person.
I've seen your rough edges,
deary, and I love them.
Like me, like all of us,
you've been through pain.
You can't hide that.
Why [CHUCKLES]
aren't you the sweet-talker?
Here's the story.
Mr. Nas came to me.
So youthful.
Filled with [SUCKS IN BREATH]
vitality.
Just the most beautiful
beautiful fallen angel you
could ever, ever imagine.
I only got the older version,
and I'm not even a wrinkle queen.
He must have wanted you badly.
I guess he did. [CHUCKLES]
And the deal that devil
made me oh, my God
was something I could not turn down.
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- [CONSTANCE] He summoned me. I came.
Who could resist such an invitation?
I wasn't bothered by the
supernatural pull of it all
you know, the dark intention.
I've been living with
that unworldly vibe
for years in that goddamn ghost house.
Constance, my favorite sinner.
There's my girl.
[JAZZ-FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Please, take a seat.
[CONSTANCE] He greeted
me, my knees went weak.
And so that night, he told
me of his plan to bring order.
Told me he had chosen me to
help him gain that throne.
He was confident. I liked that.
New world order. [CHUCKLING] Christ!
As though things couldn't get
any worse than they already are.
Don't use his name in front of me again!
You're gonna rise up and rule the world,
then you better find yourself a
goddamn sense of humor, mister.
Jesus H Christ.
[CHUCKLES] You delight me. Always have.
Afraid of nothing, not even me.
[SCOFFS] I've dealt with
monsters my whole life.
I know you all well.
So we have an agreement, then.
You help me reach my dotage,
bring about my destiny?
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES] Why not, hmm?
I've got nothing to lose.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[CONSTANCE] And then, just
as I sold my soul to the devil
and signed it all away,
I naturally asked for something.
So if I do this
there's one thing
that I ask for in return.
Name your price.
I want to be a mother again.
But this time
to do it right.
Seal it with a kiss?
[CRYING] Oh
This time
I'll do right by you,
I promise, I promise.
Yeah.
Babies, babies, babies.
- [CRYING] Oh
-
Are you crying?
What can I say? I'm a softy.
I'm glad for you. Glad for
your closure. A new beginning.
Well, come on, you old softy.
Let's go see if that
Lilith Fair down there
did anything for our Mr. Nas.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SNAKE HISSING]
Each sacrifice of 13 souls elevates
the biomarkers in his blood.
Once they reach a hundred,
he will rise.
- So?
- [MACHINE BEEPS]
Ninety-six.
[CHUCKLES]
Just a whisker from 100.
[ORGAN PLAYING EERIE MUSIC]
A new dawn approaches.
Hail Satan.
Hail Satan.
Hail Satan!
- Hail Satan!
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOORS CREAKING]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Do you know where you are?
Club Hell, dumbass.
Will there be dancing?
You are underneath the Apollyon.
You know what that means, don't you?
This is the portal to hell.
[BEN BREATHING HEAVILY]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Mr. Nas?
[MR. NAS WHEEZING]
[GRUNTING]
There you are. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
Mr. Nas,
I don't mean to disturb you.
I've just come to check in on you.
Are you
I need to check in on you. I need to
- [LIQUID DRIPPING]
- [THUDS]
- Lower yourself.
- [SOBBING]
[GASPS, SCREAMS]
- [GASPING] No!
- [RASPING]
[UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMS]
No, no! [GASPING, GRUNTING]
[SOBBING] No, no!
[CRYING]
[GRUNTING, CRYING]
[SCREAMS]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[BEN WHIMPERS SOFTLY]
It only hurts if you fight it.
[CHUCKLES]
[BEN GRUNTS]
Here is wisdom.
- [LIQUID SQUELCHING]
- [BEN GRUNTING]
[ELSA] Such a dream
to get my beloved band back together.
So now
we sing for our supper.
Hit it.
[TAPPING ON MICROPHONE]
[GENTLE MELODY PLAYING]
[ELSA] I remember when I was a
little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the
look on my father's face
as he gathered me up in his arms
and raced through the burning
building, out to the pavement.
And I stood there
shivering in my pajamas
and watched the whole
world go up in flames.
And when it was all
over, I said to myself,
"Is that all there is to a fire?
Is that all there is?"
[BAND PLAYING "IS
THAT ALL THERE IS?"]
[SINGING] Is that all there is? ♪
If that's all there is, my friends ♪
Then let's keep dancing ♪
Let's break out the booze ♪
And have a ball ♪
If that's all ♪
There is ♪
And when I was 12 years old,
my daddy took me to the circus.
The greatest show on earth!
There were clowns and
elephants and dancing bears.
And a beautiful lady in pink
tights flew high above our heads.
And as I sat there watching,
I had the feeling that
something was missing.
I don't know what, but
when it was all over,
I said to myself, "Is that
all there is to a circus?
Is that all there is?"
Is that all there is? ♪
If that's all there is, my friends ♪
Then let's keep ♪
I know what you must
be saying to yourselves.
"If that's the way she feels about it,
why doesn't she just end it all?"
Oh, no.
Not me.
I'm not ready for that
final disappointment
because I know just as well as
I'm standing here talking to you
that when that final moment comes,
and I'm breathing my last breath,
I'll be saying to myself
Is that all there is? ♪
Is that all there is? ♪
If that's all there is, my friends ♪
Then let's keep dancing ♪
Let's break out the booze ♪
And have a ball ♪
If that's all ♪
There ♪
Is ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING]
Oh! [CHUCKLES]
[SILENCE]
[WATCH RATTLES]
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING]
[PERSON CLAPPING]
[CANE TAPS]
Fräulein.
[ELSA CHUCKLES]
Meine Damen und Herren,
mesdames et messieurs,
ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the other
greatest show on earth.
[CHUCKLES]
At last, we are assembled
here for this special occasion
around the sacred Hellmouth.
But first, let's welcome to the stage
our vibrant host,
Mr. Nas.
[ORGAN PLAYING EERIE MUSIC]
[ELSA IN GERMAN]
Scheisse.
We offer these to you, Lord,
so that you may reach
your fullest potential.
[GEARS CLANKING, TURNING]
[EERIE ORGAN MUSIC CONTINUES]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[FLAMES CRACKLING]
Tonight, a celebration of whores,
miscreants and profanities.
Thirteen ladies all taken before
they could reach their true potential.
[CHUCKLES] Okay, if you say so.
Welcome to the Jezebel Ball,
featuring Mr. Nas's favorite bad girls.
Roll call. Hit it, Paul.
[PLAYING UPBEAT SHUFFLE]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Jesus. Whose cock do I have to
suck to get a light around here?
Say hello and a warm
goodbye to Hypodermic Sally.
Smack addict, hotel harlot, murderess.
- Yeah, that about covers it.
- Wha
[SCREAMS]
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
Eva Braun.
Gestapo gal pal and house pet
- [SHOUTING IN GERMAN]
- to Adolf Hitler. Auf Wiedersehen!
[SHRIEKS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
- And Wallis Simpson.
Dynasty-busting divorcée
with an eye for the
fürher and a bod for sin.
Neither poor Ms. Braun nor I belong
anywhere near your butcher's block.
We've both been champions
of this fine cause
since before the Hindenburg.
- [SCREAMS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
What is happening? Oh,
I'm terribly frightened.
Ayn Rand, selfish
writer and welfare queen.
You can't extinguish the
only breed that matters
- [SCREAMS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
Brigitte Bardot, vegetarian
man-eater, busty bigot.
[SHOUTS IN FRENCH, SCREAMS]
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
Catherine the Great, empress
of Russia, traitor of husband,
fucker of horses.
[SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN]
- Now, that's a party trick.
- [SCREAMING]
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
[ELSA] Mamie Eisenhower.
Now, you wait just a minute.
I did nothing but tell my
husband how doggone good he was
on behalf of a grateful nation.
A frozen-dinner first
lady for the Cold War.
Average American complacency
in a frilly pink apron.
Now, you [SCREAMS]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
- Jesus. How many more of these, huh?
How many more? Let's
get on with it. Christ.
Elena Ceaușescu, sneaky
Romanian tyrant, shopping addict.
- [SHOUTING IN ROMANIAN, SCREAMING]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
Jezebel. Phoenician schemer and
the original slutty princess.
[SPEAKS IN ANCIENT LANGUAGE, SCREAMS]
- Tuberculosis Karen.
- [GRUNTS]
I'm not scared of you!
I fucking dare you, you
fucked-out old whore!
- Eat shit, cocksucker!
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
Whew! That one was crazier
than a shithouse rat.
Margaret Thatcher, school milk snatcher,
common enemy to the common people,
union-busting bitch.
Your callous disregard sent Irish
hunger strikers to their death.
Crime is crime is crime. It
is not political. It is crime.
They say the lady is made of iron.
She's as hollow as Yorkshire pudding.
Trickle down this
hellhole. But no, first
first apologize.
No, no, no!
[ECHOES]
- Toodle-oo! Don't cry for her, Argentina.
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
- [PLAYS DRUM FILL]
- And now you, Elizabeth Short.
- Wait!
- [SOBS]
Before you do that, my mother
wanted us to take a moment
as a family.
Thank you, Dark Lord, for guiding
us into this new and better world.
A world where my hands can
bring justice if they so choose.
Where strength doesn't
lead to loneliness.
Where love is for the taking.
And no one can ever
tell anyone to go away.
- [ALL] Hail Satan.
- Hail Satan.
- Amen.
- [CANE TAPS]
All right, let's be done with it.
- And now, you, Elizabeth Short.
- [GASPS]
The famous Black Dahlia.
I don't understand.
[SOBS] What did I ever
do to deserve this?
I don't know.
What? Because he said so.
A wannabe actress with a loose top
and bottomless hunger for validation.
You sucked the earth dry
with your hopeless dreaming.
[CRYING] Why?
- [SCREAMING]
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
[SCREAM ECHOES]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, is that all there is?
Are we one short?
Yeah, that was 12. I
thought you counted.
I was brought back for this?
[KAI] What the fuck, Winter?
- I was doing the heavy lifting.
- I was brought back for this?
We need one more. Why
don't you volunteer?
I'm out of here.
[SIGHS]
Auf Wiedersehen.
Au revoir.
Goodbye.
Bummer of a gig.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Move it.
Happy to serve.
Hail Satan.
[FLAMES CRACKLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [SHRIEK]
- [SCREAMS, GASPS]
Oh, Mr. Zamboni, I do apologize.
[PANTING] What?
My Eierlikör must have packed more
spice than the human body can bear.
You gave us quite a fright.
Too much nutmeg can lead
to myristicin poisoning.
It's not uncommon around the holidays.
You You might feel
dizzy for the next 48 hours.
[CONSTANCE] Yes, but Mr. Phibes
has assured me that
the delirium has passed.
Oh, my God.
You were tossing and turning
and screaming such crazy things.
[CHUCKLES]
But that's all over now.
Look. The sun is rising.
It's a new dawn for all of us.
Quick game of gin?
Sure. I'd rather play it
than drink it. [CHUCKLES]
Now, you just rest, honey.
Couple hours of shut-eye, and
you are going to be right as rain.
["IS THAT ALL THERE IS"
PLAYING FAINTLY ON SPEAKERS]
- Knock.
- Ugh.
Sixteen.
You're up to 65.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just deal.
You know, I figured out that
there's 13 cards in
every suit in the deck.
You know, I have to admit,
I am gonna be happier than a girl
in a sundress at the county fair
never to hear the mention
of the number 13 again.
You know, they tried
sacrificing one or two at a time,
but it barely made a
dent on his biomarkers.
I don't know whose idea it was
to sacrifice 13 at one time,
but maybe they got up to three or four,
and somebody suggested they jump
ahead to Mr. Nas's favorite number.
But [INHALES SHARPLY]
when they did,
oh, those biomarkers shot
up faster than my "enis-pay"
at The Corner Pocket
back room in New Orleans.
He was pleased.
Well, that's just fascinating.
You must tell me more.
Well, the number 13 has always
been associated with the Dark Lord
and all about evil.
Judas was the 13th
guest at the Last Supper,
which solidified that number
with death and betrayal.
Before that, 12 was the perfect number.
It was 12 months in the
year, 12 signs in the zodiac,
12 hours in the day.
But 13 disrupted that
perfection, just like Mr. Nas did.
Thirteen stands for instability, chaos.
Okay, those 13 women were
brought back by Satan himself.
But, I mean, why, why drag
them up from their graves
just to snuff them out again?
Well, last night, when our Dark Lord
finally let his son
drink from the chalice,
he wanted the sacrifices to
have a little extra sauce.
Now, remember, Rauhnacht
only comes once a year,
when the Hellmouth is at its hungriest.
How do you know all this?
I mean, what, do you have
somebody on the inside?
Oh, back in the day, when I was
in the flesh, these were my people.
I was in the room the night
Anton LaVey shaved his head.
An original member of the
Church of Satan. How about that?
My, my.
Knock.
- Eleven.
- What, are you cheating?
No. I I have three rules in life.
I never refuse a rim
job from a married man,
I never turn down a free drink,
and I never, ever cheat at cards.
I mean, what's in it for you? What
are you getting out of all of this?
Well, I had dreams, real
dreams, movie dreams.
I was gonna be the
next Kenneth Anger and
make my own version of Scorpio Rising.
But that dream died the
night I was blackjacked
by a reluctant piece
of trade I picked up
that robbed me of my wallet and my watch
and gave me a case of the gay knocks.
I died two days later, alone.
But when Mr. Nas comes
back to full strength,
he's gonna let me make that biker movie.
Yeah, might be a small
exchange for my immortal soul,
but a dream is a dream,
no matter how little.
Enough of my sob story.
How did you end up here?
Same way you did.
I made a deal with the devil.
But that story
requires a stiff one.
- My favorite kind.
- [GIGGLES]
- [GLASSWARE RATTLING]
- [CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[CONSTANCE] Just neat.
[MR. PHIBES] There's your
drink. Now spill the tea.
[CONSTANCE] I I just
want to say something.
With all due respect, I am not like you.
I am not a rough-trade person.
I've seen your rough edges,
deary, and I love them.
Like me, like all of us,
you've been through pain.
You can't hide that.
Why [CHUCKLES]
aren't you the sweet-talker?
Here's the story.
Mr. Nas came to me.
So youthful.
Filled with [SUCKS IN BREATH]
vitality.
Just the most beautiful
beautiful fallen angel you
could ever, ever imagine.
I only got the older version,
and I'm not even a wrinkle queen.
He must have wanted you badly.
I guess he did. [CHUCKLES]
And the deal that devil
made me oh, my God
was something I could not turn down.
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- [CONSTANCE] He summoned me. I came.
Who could resist such an invitation?
I wasn't bothered by the
supernatural pull of it all
you know, the dark intention.
I've been living with
that unworldly vibe
for years in that goddamn ghost house.
Constance, my favorite sinner.
There's my girl.
[JAZZ-FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Please, take a seat.
[CONSTANCE] He greeted
me, my knees went weak.
And so that night, he told
me of his plan to bring order.
Told me he had chosen me to
help him gain that throne.
He was confident. I liked that.
New world order. [CHUCKLING] Christ!
As though things couldn't get
any worse than they already are.
Don't use his name in front of me again!
You're gonna rise up and rule the world,
then you better find yourself a
goddamn sense of humor, mister.
Jesus H Christ.
[CHUCKLES] You delight me. Always have.
Afraid of nothing, not even me.
[SCOFFS] I've dealt with
monsters my whole life.
I know you all well.
So we have an agreement, then.
You help me reach my dotage,
bring about my destiny?
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES] Why not, hmm?
I've got nothing to lose.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[CONSTANCE] And then, just
as I sold my soul to the devil
and signed it all away,
I naturally asked for something.
So if I do this
there's one thing
that I ask for in return.
Name your price.
I want to be a mother again.
But this time
to do it right.
Seal it with a kiss?
[CRYING] Oh
This time
I'll do right by you,
I promise, I promise.
Yeah.
Babies, babies, babies.
- [CRYING] Oh
-
Are you crying?
What can I say? I'm a softy.
I'm glad for you. Glad for
your closure. A new beginning.
Well, come on, you old softy.
Let's go see if that
Lilith Fair down there
did anything for our Mr. Nas.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SNAKE HISSING]
Each sacrifice of 13 souls elevates
the biomarkers in his blood.
Once they reach a hundred,
he will rise.
- So?
- [MACHINE BEEPS]
Ninety-six.
[CHUCKLES]
Just a whisker from 100.
[ORGAN PLAYING EERIE MUSIC]
A new dawn approaches.
Hail Satan.
Hail Satan.
Hail Satan!
- Hail Satan!
- [FLAMES WHOOSH]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]